Alright, I'll be frank, honest, and hmm. I might even sound mean, even harsh, to you, but I'm just trying to help.
First off, it takes courage to post a first fic, and so, congrats for that.
But making a story, writing a fic, requires a bit more than guts, unfortunately. You have to at least have a general outline of what you want it to be, and where you want it to go. Especially here, on the kitten, as it's supposed to be Willow and Tara centered, and well, from what I,ve read right now, you're centering attention on Britney...
Then, you have to mark your character's depth. Show their feelings, emotions, movements. You're purely stating facts, not really describing anything. Is the street dark? Why did Britney's parents throw her out at first, it should show somehow in her behavior, hint away, even if just a little. You characters are blank, Willow and Tara couldve been named Pratt and Whitney and there wouldn't be much of a difference.
And then, you have to add more depth to the environment, too. A feeling of time passing by, maybe. Everything happens as if it was cut through time without any real sense of chronology. A bit as if you were throwing the ideas down to not forget them, but left them in that awkward queue of events.
Now, a bit on the shortness of the parts you're posting. You must've heard of the notion of paragraphs. Well here's something I've given myself for a pattern.
A paragraph is composed of one description, event, or dialogue. It usually is supposed to be able to stand alone. If it's not more than three lines long, then either it can be developped more, or it's not as useful as I thought it would be into the story. Now, your story is composed of three lines and less paragraphs for the most part. Think it up, maybe you could fluff a little, add character depths, move things at some kind of pace.
The way it is right now, your story looks like a summary of a summary, no offense meant.
Oh and another thing maybe you should've thought about: the probability of what you're describing actually happening. I don't think tara would walk up to anyone in the street and take someone she really doesn't know home without further investigation. You gotta make a reason as in "Why did they even cross path?". I don't know, the girl bumped in them, and fell on the ground like a heavy sack of potatoe, and it was christmas day and the spirit of christmas told her to pick her up and bring her home. It,s a stupid reason, got to admit, but it is most likely to feel like its right to the reader than if it just happens out of the blue, if you get what I mean.
So my advice would be to take up your pencil, or your keyboard, whichever fits you best, and try to work on that with what you already got. Learning how to write fluidly and nicely can be a long and hard process, and if you really want to get better, practice, and try to understand other people's advice.
And one of the best way to write better, is also to read other people's stuff and think about what you just read. Did you like it? Was it easy to read for you? Why did it flow right, or if it was bad, why was it so bad? What made it feel wrong? Learn from other people's mistakes and success.
Hope I was useful to you
