Summary: Tara (who is alive and well, yay!) reflects on everything she has been through.
Distribution: Pens. However, if you want it, take it, just let me
know (rogueslayer747@yahoo.com) and keep the disclaimers intact.
Author's Note: I'm giving the angst stories a rest. I hope this one would fall under
the "sweet fic" category ... or at least to something close to it. So, basically, I am just ignoring Season 6.
Feedback: Please...please... please...feedback makes me wanna do more...
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In Her Eyes
By
Tiffany (slayer747)
During moments like this, when I am sitting alone, I can't help but wonder and look back to what my life had been. I have to admit that some of the memories are already fading. Like photographs, wilted in time. But the feelings these memories create, the emotions, the lessons, they stay in your heart and will pass on to many as we tread along this potholed street called life.
I look out the window and I assume that the sun is setting now because I could already see the sky turn from blue to a wild shade of amber. When I was young, my mother would hold me during this time of the day and rock me in her arms, singing songs of comfort, telling me stories about faeries that would usually come out and play as the sun vanish in the horizon. But when all is dark, that is the time when my mother would have to release me from her tight embrace and lead me inside the house so that I could do my homework while she prepares dinner. However, the promise of more to come is sealed with her tenderly kissing me in the forehead as soon as the door behind us closes.
If I try to think of it, it wasn't really a long time ago when fate turned its back on me. My mother, she was the rock I leant on to. I grew up with people who made me afraid of everything. Who made me feel like I deserved none of the happiness the world has to offer. But with my mother being constantly at my side, all I had to do is to look into her eyes, and faith will come from their glint. The gentle, comforting, loving look those blue eyes shone upon me let me know that all of what those other people said were nothing but lies. Lies created so that they could feel better about themselves.
But then she was taken away. Slowly at first as I saw how her body revolted against her own. It's amazing how the same elements that made her live for 39 years became the worst enemy she ever fought with. I remember her, lying on that bed: her blonde hair against the pillow, her eyes closed, her lips slightly parted. She looked almost peaceful, just my Mommy sleeping. But the feeling of her hand turning colder every second in my grasp told me otherwise. I never wanted to let go of it that's why I didn't. I held on for as long as I could, and when the doctor told me that I had to, you know, let go, I felt like there weren't any reasons anymore to stay in that forsaken place.
After the service, I left. I didn't tell my father, or anyone about my plans. We all made a promise to my mother that when she's gone we would take care of the family. I did. I decided to take care of myself. The only family, the real one in every sense that I ever had was she. And she's gone.
After different places, after almost two years, with the money my mother left for me, I came here and went to college. On the first few months of my stay in the dorms, I remember being withdrawn. The pain of her death was still unbearable. I'd find myself waking up with tears in my eyes. And slowly, all the things, the bad things they told me when I was a child came back to me. And without the guiding light that was Mommy, I found myself believing them. That was when I started to question everything: faith, the existence of love, heaven. I was convinced that pain was everything that I will ever know. No longer had I hoped for a better day and I decided to hide.
With my eyes hidden behind my draping hair, I felt safe that no one would notice me. No one will hurt me anymore. I was in the shadows and I admit that it was a lonely place, but my fear kept me from stepping out into the light.
But surprisingly, she found me. She stretched out her hand and led me out. Up to this day I wonder how she did it ... made me believe again. Made me feel loved again. Yes, we had some tough times, just as many relationships had, but the most important thing is we always found each other in the end of every struggle, in the end of every storm.
She gave me so many things. She gave me back my faith. She helped me find hope again. She even gave me a new family. A family that was made out of love and concern and friendship. A family who is always willing to understand. A family who trusts me and believes in my abilities. A family I never knew I could ever have.
But the most important thing of all is that she gave me her heart and trusted me with it. And I feel so blessed to be given the chance by heaven to be able to love her in return. And in her eyes, I see what I didn't for what feels like a lifetime: the promise of tomorrow; love that surrounds you and envelopes the whole of your being so you won't be scared anymore; the kind of love that was unconditional, one that is not bothered of the past but invests in the present and hopes for the future.
"Hey."
I was still looking out the window when I heard her soft voice echo right behind me. Even before I could fully turn around, she already had slipped her hand to entwine with mine. I looked at our hands for a minute first and saw how well they fit together, it made me smile a bit at the emotions that threatened to overflow. Then I pulled my gaze up to meet her eyes.
"How come you look at me like you are looking at me for the first time?"she asked.
Willow said once that I was the strong one, always able to handle my emotions. But this moment, I feel safe to let my guards down. A tear rolled down my cheek as I cupped her cheeks and tenderly kissed her sweet lips.
For a second I felt her return the kiss, until she gently pulled back, alarmed at my sudden display. I couldn't blame her. After all, I allowed all the mushiness to take over me.
"Tara, baby? A-are you okay?"her brows furrowed, a sad smile formed across her lips.
I took a deep breath, letting myself drown in the softness of her voice, in the warmth of her embrace. I took a deep breath before answering, "Yeah," I nodded with a smile. "In fact, I've never been better."
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"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"
at: 8/5/02 7:50:46 pm
