TITLE: The Wish (Parts 1-7 of 12)
AUTHOR: Wonko
EMAIL: wonkots42@ntlworld.com
WEBSITE: pages.zoom.co.uk/kfantastico
DATE: 23/06/01
ARCHIVE: Anyone who wants it can have it, no need to ask.
SPOILERS: Set during the summer between seasons 4 and 5. Would be
helpful if you'd seen Season 3's 'The Wish.'
RATING: PG-13, I think. For naughty language.
FANDOM/PAIRING: BtVS: Tara/Anya, Willow/Tara.
DISCLAIMER: All belongs to Fox/Mutant Enemy/and is it UPN now? I am
merely borrowing. Lawyers, be like Anya. Remain calm. You'll get a
big karmic reward any second now. Also, this probably sucks. I accept
no liability for any melted brain cells or painful eyeballs which may
result from reading this fic.
NOTES: *indicates italics or thought* [indicates flashbacks, which
would also be in italics, but, you know]
SUMMARY: AU fic where Anya never came to Sunnydale during season
three's 'The Wish.' Hence she was never made human, VampWillow never
existed and 'Dopplegangland' never happened. Since I'm of the belief
that Willow having advance warning that she might be 'kinda gay' helped
prepare the ground for Tara, and since that didn't happen in this
timeline, this also means that Willow chose Oz at the end of 'New Moon
Rising'.
Prologue
"No candles? Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey."
Tara stared at Willow, shifted her eyes to the candle, then back to
Willow before motioning for her to come in. She took the candle,
feeling it's heat seep into her cold fingers, concentrating on staring
at the flickering light.
"Tara, I have to tell you-"
"No, I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love."
Tara couldn't bring herself to look up from the candle but if she had
she would have seen Willow's face light up in a smile.
"I am."
############
"Hey Maclay! We're not paying you to daydream!"
Tara nearly jumped as the loud, grating, obnoxious voice of her boss
broke into her reverie. A surly thought flashed through Tara's head
before she could prevent it.
*Yeah, if I got paid for daydreaming a different ending to that night I
wouldn't need to work for you, asshole*. Aloud she said:
"Sorry Mr. Hammond."
"Just get back to work."
*Asshole,* Tara thought again. *And if I could think of another name for
you you'd be that too.*
Tara felt she was perfectly justified in taking the occasional daydream
break. Here she was spending the summer between her freshman and
sophomore years of college clearing tables at the Sunnydale outlet of
The Espresso Pump for minimum wage. It had only been about a month
since Willow had unceremoniously ripped her heart out when Oz came
back. She'd imagined a different ending to that night a million times
since then. Her favourite was the extra-flamey candle scenario. It was
definitely better than the real
I-still-love-Oz-but-I'd-really-like-to-stay-friends scenario. She'd
really thought she and Willow had something. More than the witchcraft
connection. But Willow clearly didn't think so.
Tara knew staying friends would be the toughest part. That was why
she'd been avoiding Willow like the plague. She saw her around
sometimes, with him, and at least she looked happy. That did a little
to ease her pain but there was only so much anything could do when there
was a giant Willow-shaped hole in her heart. Tara was even beginning to
wish she'd gone home for the summer. Spending some time with her family
almost seemed preferable to hanging around Sunnydale, standing the
chance running into Willow, or one of Willow's friends.
*Speak of the devil...*
Willow, Oz, Xander and Buffy had all just appeared at the entrance to
the coffee house. Tara briefly wondered where Riley was and then just
as quickly realized she didn't really care that much. She could guess
what they were here for. It was one of the nights when Giles would
play. She couldn't imagine they were all that interested in hearing him
sing - though Tara had learned in her weeks working there that he was
really good. They had probably told Oz about it and he had wanted to
see for himself.
*Careful Willow...last time he got interested in another musician he was
fucking them the next day. And Giles really sets my Gaydar off.*
It was weird. She had never said or even thought things like this
before. Willow had helped her gain her confidence and, ironically,
Willow's leaving her had helped even more in that regard. Her shyness
was just the fear of what people thought of her after all and, since
Willow, she no longer really cared about that. Or much of anything
else.
Suddenly realizing that she had been staring Tara looked down at the
table she was clearing, just in time to miss Willow look up at her with
a kind of melancholy expression on her face.
"If it helps at all," came a voice from behind Tara suddenly, "I think
she'd have been happier with you."
Tara whirled around sharply, narrowly avoiding dropping the tray of
coffee mugs she was holding.
"W-w-what?" she asked, frowning.
"The little redhead," said the voice, which Tara could now see belonged
to a pretty brunette about her own age, sitting at the counter.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Tara replied hotly, brushing
past the girl on her way to the next cluttered table.
"Sure you do," the girl asserted, in a vaguely annoying way.
Exasperated, Tara turned to the other girl again. "What...why...who are
you?"
"The name's Anya," the girl said. "Pleased to meet you."
Part One
Tara walked quietly and quickly through the dark streets of Sunnydale.
This wasn't exactly what she would have called safe. She was staying at
the Sunnydale Motor Inn because that was the only place in town that she
could afford with her measly wage from the coffee-house. So, on her way
back there every night she had to face the prospect of both vampires
*and* sleazy assholes who seemed to frequent this area of town who would
either want to rob her, rape her or both. A month ago, Tara wouldn't
have come to this part of town alone for all the world. Now she was
living there.
*How things can change in just a month.*
Gradually, although she was busy looking at her feet as she walked, Tara
became aware of a set of footsteps shadowing her own. Her heart
thumping in her ears, she quickened slightly, and then quickened more
when her shadow's footsteps matched her pace. Suddenly gripped by an
uncontrollable fear Tara began to run, looking behind her as she did.
Unfortunately this meant she couldn't see where she was running and she
immediately collided with a bulky form in her path.
"Hey, sugar. Where's a sweet thing like you hurrying to?"
Tara turned to face the man (or demon, she wasn't sure which yet) who
now was holding her arms securely.
"I'm s-sorry-" she began, but the words caught in her throat as the
man's face twisted into its true demonic form.
*That answers that question.*
Tara closed her eyes, waiting for the vampire's fangs to reach her
throat. Her last thought was to hope that Willow felt a little bit
guilty when the cops found her body. Then she felt guilty for being so
malicious. Just as soon as she felt that, she argued to herself that if
she was about to die she would let herself think what she wanted.
Eventually she started to wonder why she still had time for all these
thoughts and began to wonder what was taking the damn vamp so long.
Tara opened her eyes and instead of a snarling vampire looking to suck
her blood she found a slightly flustered looking Anya, a stake still
poised for action in her hand and a small pile of dust at her feet.
"Anya! W-w-what...what are you doing here?"
Anya tucked the stake back into her jacket pocket.
"You should get home," she said, neatly avoiding the question. "Never
know what you might run into out here at night."
With that she turned and began to walk back the way Tara had come.
Stunned, Tara just stood for a moment before turning around and
beginning to call out for Anya...
...but she had disappeared into the dark.
Tara stood looking at the empty street for a second before she took
Anya's advice and started to hurry back to her room. It may not have
been pretty, but at least it was safe.
##############
A quick hop, skip and dimensional jump away, Anya - or Anyanka as she
was known on this plane - was resting. Being in mortal form was
draining and she'd had to hold it for longer than expected this time.
Who knew Tara would be so hard to contact? She'd found her almost the
second she got into the town of course. Anyanka was a vengeance demon
after all and vengeance demons found their targets by following pain.
If you looked at it from that perspective, Tara was a big flashing red
dot with an arrow saying 'heart-broken' pointing at her. But it wasn't
until tonight that she'd managed to talk to Tara. It hadn't gone too
well at first, but the night ended with Anya saving Tara's life so on
balance she was happy with it.
D'Hoffryn himself had put her onto this quest. He had told her that
Tara had been run over by this little redhead - Birch, or Oak, or
something like that - and that he wanted to make sure that Anyanka took
care of this one personally. The full story was that he'd offered this
redhead a job as a vengeance demon a few months previously and she'd
turned him down. The redhead had herself been run over by some guy at
the time and was practising some pretty powerful magicks. D'Hoffryn had
been philosophical about it all, although he had sensed a great deal of
power in the redhead and had badly wanted her on his side. Then he'd
found Tara. Another witch. To cut a long story short, he wanted her.
And he wanted Anyanka to get her.
Part Two
It had been three days since the incident with the vampire. Tara still
couldn't believe that Anya had saved her. And she'd been so casual
about it. Did she do that kind of thing a lot? No, that was
stupid...Buffy was the Slayer, she knew that much and there was no way a
normal human could take on vampires regularly and hold their own. She
knew the Scoobies did it but they had Slayer backup.
*What a stupid nickname. I'm better off out of that group.*
Tara had become quite adept at kidding herself.
Still, bravado or no bravado, Tara was getting worried about Anya. Now
that she thought about it, she remembered seeing Anya in the Espresso
Pump night after night before they had actually spoken. Now it had been
three whole days without an appearance.
"Tara?" Said a voice behind her.
*Anya? No...I'd know that voice anywhere...*
"Willow," she replied, turning to face the redhead but not looking her
in the eyes.
There was an awkward silence for a moment. Tara could see Willow
wringing her hands together.
"I was just wondering...I mean I saw you working here and I wondered if
you'd maybe like to...get a cup of coffee or...something?" Willow
finished, forcing a hopeful smile onto her face.
"Um..." Tara began. It had to be said...if there was one thing she
wanted to do less than have coffee with Willow, she couldn't think of
it. She began casting about, desperately looking for an excuse - any
excuse - to get out of this situation. She found one when her eyes
drifted over to the entrance to the coffee house. *Anya! she thought.
I've never been happier to see another person in my whole life.*
"Actually," Tara continued, pulling off her apron and tossing it behind
the counter, "I'm already meeting someone."
"Oh," Willow said, clearly surprised. "Well...um...some other time?"
"Sure," said Tara, already making her way past Willow and towards the
brunette at the door.
Willow watched the two girls leave together, a frown creasing her
forehead.
"Sure."
#################
"So, explain again why we had to leave?"
Anya and Tara were wondering along Main Street. Tara was kicking a
small pebble along as she walked.
"Because Willow (*kick*) suddenly decided (*kick*) that after weeks
(*kick*) and weeks (*kick*) of us avoiding each other (*kick*) that now
(*kick*) would be a good time (*kick*) for coffee (*kick.*)"
With that the pebble went bounding along ahead of them at great speed,
eventually hitting a wall somewhere up ahead and shattering into a few
hundred pieces.
"Besides," Tara continued, "I want to talk to you about the other
night."
"Oh," said Anya, smiling a little nervously as she sat on the bench Tara
had pointed out. She hadn't really been thinking when she'd saved Tara
from the vamp, so she'd had to spend the last few days in her demon
dimension not only re-energising but also thinking of a plausible
explanation for her behaviour.
There was an uncomfortable silence which could have lasted anywhere
between ten seconds and an hour.
"Were you following me?" Tara blurted out suddenly. She remembered the
footsteps shadowing her, a tiny tinge of fear leaping up unbidden at the
memory.
Anya turned to her in her best sheepish face.
"Yeah...that was me."
"Oh," said Tara. Then: "why?"
"I was just...well, I mean I've lived in Sunnydale my whole life and I'm
not stupid, I know what's out here...and well, you seemed a little
pre-occupied so I just...wanted to make sure you were safe..." Anya
finished lamely.
She swore she had a better story all worked out but for some reason that
had come out.
"Why do you care?" Tara said after a moment. "I mean, you don't even
know me."
Anya frowned and looked at her hands then back up at Tara.
"I like you," she said. "Haven't you ever met someone and just liked
them straight away? Like you can sense something about them and you
just...know..."
["Besides...spells going awry, friends in danger...I'm definitely
nothing special."
"No, you are."]
"I have," Tara replied softly. Anya began to smile tentatively. "I'm
not saying you're one of those people though," Tara added immediately.
"I mean lets review here - you barge into my life, make comments about
my relationships when you've known me for a total of two seconds, then
you start following me like some kind of stalker? You do see why I
might be lacking in trust here right?"
Anya frowned and pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Hmm...I guess you could
look at it that way. Or you could say...I saw you looking unhappy and
since I seem to have a complete inability to keep my mouth shut most of
the time," Anya smiled wryly at this, "and since I've already said I
like you...I was trying to make you feel better in my own way...and as
for the stalker thing...well you can complain all you want about that
but you have to admit that if I hadn't been there you'd be fang-food
now."
Tara sat back, taking this in silently. When it looked like she wasn't
going to respond anytime soon Anya sighed and ran a hand through her
hair.
"Okay...I admit I didn't make the best of first impressions...even
discounting the whole life-saving thing, but...you're here now aren't
you? Just give me a chance, okay? I know I can make a better first
impression second time round."
Tara did laugh at that and Anya breathed a sigh of relief.
"Okay," Tara said eventually. "It's not like I'm overly endowed with
friends right now after all."
"Me too," Anya flashed Tara a thin smile. "I sort of lost touch with my
old buddies after..." She trailed off.
"What?" Tara gently prompted.
"Never mind," Anya said quickly. Then, with a small self depreciating
smile she added, "Mucho depressing. Maybe if I make a good second
impression I'll tell you someday."
"Maybe," Tara answered with a grin. "So. You wanna get something to
eat?"
###################
"So, after months and months and months of dancing around it my
girlfriend and I were finally going to...you know...'do the deed' as it
were and just as we were getting into a *very* compromising position my
mom walks in the door with a laundry basket in her hands."
Tara's eyes widened slightly. They were in Tara's dingy motel room,
eating chinese food (which Anya had insisted on paying for) out of the
box. Somehow they had got to telling ex-girlfriend stories, even though
Tara had made it clear she didn't want to talk about Willow. Still,
Anya had enough stories for the both of them, despite there being only
one serious girlfriend in there. Tara figured they'd had a long and
interesting relationship...she envied her a little, but at the same time
was glad of the distraction the funny little stories were bringing her.
"What did she do?" Tara asked, enthralled.
"She put the basket down next to my drawers, pointed to the pile of
clothes scattered around the room and asked if I wanted those done
next. Needless to say that kind of killed the moment."
"God," Tara said, laughing. "I'd have just died!"
"Well, I thought about it," said Anya, grinning widely. This set Tara
off into another fit of giggles.
"Thank you," Tara said after a couple of minutes' comfortable silence.
"For what?"
"Just...I mean, this has been good...hanging out with you, I mean. I
haven't exactly been a social animal since..." She trailed off,
suddenly losing her good mood.
"I'm sorry" Anya said softly.
"Huh?"
"I mean, thinking about her..." She trailed off, trying to choose her
words carefully so as not to scare the other girl off. "You seem so
sad. It makes me sad too...I hate that she hurt you so much."
Touched, Tara smiled a small smile and took Anya's hand.
"That's probably the nicest thing a near stranger has ever said to me."
Anya grinned back at her.
"I aim to please, milady." Tara was giggling again as Anya released her
hand and unclasped the necklace she was wearing around her neck.
"Here," she said, slipping it around Tara's neck. "A good luck charm,
to keep the bad thoughts away."
"Oh, Anya," Tara gasped, studying the pendant. "I couldn't, really, I-"
["Oh no, Tara! That's really sweet. I can't, it's like a family
heirloom. I just wouldn't feel comfortable."]
"I mean...thanks. Thanks a lot."
Anya smiled softly at her and Tara somehow found herself smiling back.
"Was this how you managed to stake that vamp so easily?" she asked,
gesturing to the necklace. "Luck?"
"Oh no," Anya replied, blushing a little. "I was scared out of my
mind. I saw it attacking you and...well, I always carry a cross and
stake around for protection...and I just reacted. It was pretty dumb
actually, but...well, I couldn't exactly let him have you now could I?"
"I'm certainly pretty pleased about that." Tara grinned.
"Besides," Anya continued, grinning. "I've never been one to back down
from showing off to a pretty girl."
"Anya!" Tara exclaimed after a moment of stupefied silence. "Are
you...f-flirting with me?"
"Maybe a little," Anya replied, suddenly worried she'd pushed her luck.
"Is that okay?"
"Oh yes...I m-mean...I don't m-mind, it's just...it's never really
h-happened before."
"Really!" Anya exclaimed, surprised. "What about Willow?"
Tara slumped against the headboard of her bed.
"Willow...I don't even know what she feels...felt about me. I mean
maybe I was just projecting, you know? She is straight after all." She
let out a self depreciating laugh. "I fell in love with a straight
girl...which may I add is just typical of my kind of luck."
"That's what the necklace is for," Anya pointed out impishly. Tara
smiled down at the pendant she was absentmindedly playing with.
"I wish..." she began quietly. Anya tensed. This was it.
"What?" she whispered tensely when Tara failed to elaborate.
"Huh?" Tara looked as if she had forgotten Anya was there.
"Oh...nothing...never mind." She smiled reassuringly. "You want a soda
or something?"
"Sure," Anya sighed, trying hard to keep the disappointment off her
face.
Part Three
Later that night Anya made her way through Restfield Cemetery, quietly
fuming. A second later, she was fuming loudly.
"Aaarghh!" she yelled suddenly. "What is it with these damn
humans???!!!"
The empty graveyard gave her no answers.
She'd just spent practically the whole night in Tara's motel room, her
nice normal human mask firmly in place, hanging out with the blonde
witch. Usually Anya wouldn't have to do much work on her
assignments...either she would be summoned or she would just be in the
right place at the right time. Either way it never took much prodding
to get the scorned women to turn on their ex lovers. She'd seen it a
million times over the centuries - first came the love and sex and then
there was nothing left but the vengeance. Of course, Tara had sort of
missed out on the sex part but that surely didn't mean she'd give up on
the vengeance too?
"A whole night," Anya grumbled. "Having to act all sweet and
friendly...even pretending I was attracted to the girl which is just
'Ugh' - I mean really, a human? And where does it get me? Stuck in
this damn dimension with my power source around Tara's neck right now!"
Her plan had been to gain Tara's trust and then steer the conversation
round to exes. That would surely get Tara to make her wish...which
would hopefully involve some kind of terrible rash or plague of boils or
something to make the redhead see what an idiot she had been to dump
Tara. Instead Tara had seemed like the idea of hurting Willow had never
even crossed her mind which was - Anya knew without a doubt, having been
around for 1000 years - a practically unheard of phenomenon. Even the
nicest of people, when hurt, feel an urge to hurt back. It was only
natural...even if it was only a subconscious reaction it was always
there.
Not this time. Or if it was, Anyanka - the most experienced vengeance
demon around - couldn't find it.
"And now I'm stuck here until she makes a wish. Just perfect."
Anya's power source was contained in the necklace and it was what
enabled her to grant the wishes of others as well as jump between the
dimensions. If Tara kept it without making a wish then Anya would be
stuck here - demon in human form - essentially forever. There was only
one solution. She had to convince Tara to make that wish. She
considered what she knew of Tara from the night they'd spent together.
"I'm royally screwed."
Eventually she spotted the crypt she was headed for and darted inside.
It had suddenly occurred to her that without the power source she could
be killed and that a cemetery on a hellmouth at night was not the best
place to be if one wanted to avoid that particular eventuality.
Kneeling down hastily Anya drew a rough circle in the dust. She closed
her eyes, settled herself, and began to chant.
"Blessed be the name of D'Hoffryn. Let this space be now a gateway to
the world of Arashmaharr where demons are spawned-"
"Why have you summoned me Anyanka?!"
Anya jumped up and span round to face her demon master.
"I...I didn't finish the chant..."
"You didn't need to."
"Good, because I don't really remember the rest."
D'Hoffryn did the demon equivalent of raising an eyebrow.
"Hey, come on, it *has* been a thousand years!"
"Anyanka," he sighed, "you are testing my patience."
"Oh, right. There's a problem...with Tara."
"Oh?"
"There's something we hadn't considered.." She paused for effect.
"She's a really nice person."
D'Hoffryn eyed his favourite vengeance demon.
"Not vengeance demon material?"
"Not *wish* material period. I mean I've met hundreds of thousands of
scorned women in my time and I can count on the fingers of one human
hand the amount who weren't interested in vengeance. You can add Tara
to that list."
"It is...unfortunate," D'Hoffryn understated. "Her magic is strong.
And her pain is like a scream that pierces dimensional walls. She could
have been a fine vengeance demon, given the proper circumstances."
"Yeah, well there ya go."
"Very well," D'Hoffryn continued as if she had not spoken. "Your
assignment is over. You may return to Arashmaharr with me."
Anya suddenly developed a profound fascination with her shoes.
"What is the problem, Anyanka?"
"I...em...may have...sort have...given my power source to Tara."
"I see," said D'Hoffryn calmly. That was the thing about D'Hoffryn. He
never got angry or upset or pissed off like other demons. It was damned
annoying actually and Anyanka had destroyed more than a few villages
after unemotional run-ins with him, out of pure frustration.
"You will have to convince her to make a wish."
"I told you, she's not the type for-"
"Not necessarily a vengeance wish. You have the power to grant any
wish. The first one she makes, grant it. Then return to Arashmaharr."
"As you wish, D'Hoffryn," Anya replied in as meek a tone as she could
manage.
"I will give you one piece of advice, Anyanka. The longer you spend on
this plane without your power source the more human you will become. I
do not mean physically. I mean you will start to feel like one of
them. It happened to one of the vengeance demons before you. She lost
her power source and was forced to live forever in a human body with
human feelings. I believe she was eventually driven insane..."
Anya's eyes widened - she'd known giving Tara her power source had been
a mistake but she'd had no idea how much of a mistake.
"So I urge you, Anyanka, to conduct your business on this plane
quickly."
Anya didn't need to be told twice.
Part Four
The music was loud, oppressively loud even, and the severe lack of
talent of the band was doing nothing to ease Willow's bad mood induced
headache.
*I remember when she'd drop everything to hang out with me, she thought
bitterly. Since when was I less important than some coffee-house girl?*
Willow conveniently ignored the little voice which was snidely pointing
out: *Uh, since you dumped her, dumbass.*
She was at the Bronze with Oz, Buffy and Xander. An outsider could have
been forgiven for thinking they were looking at a scene from one year in
the past, so familiar was the sight of the Scooby Core at their
favourite table. Inside the group however, there was a distinct air of
tension, mostly centred around Willow and Oz. They had so recently got
back together, it was a little weird for the gang, hanging out like
nothing had happened.
"Wow...so Faith actually switched bodies with you?"
They had been catching Oz up on all the little things he had missed on
his round the world tour.
"Yeah - God it was *so* freaky. I don't even wanna think about what she
was doing in here." Buffy stopped and got a weird look on her face,
followed by a blush. "Eew. Anyway, Willow and Tara made the
de-switcheroo thingemeybob and..."
Buffy trailed off, noticing the look of extreme discomfort which had
suddenly appeared on Willow's face.
"Oh....Will, I didn't mean-"
"No," Willow interrupted holding her hand up in a 'stop' gesture. "Tara
and I are still friends."
["Of course we'll be friends! That's not even a question!"]
"You're allowed to say her name," Willow said, feeling unsure about the
first part of her assertion immediately. *If we're still friends then
why haven't we spoken for more than thirty seconds in the last month?*
"Yeah," Oz added. "She should...hang out with us sometime."
"Yeah," Xander piped in, smiling at Willow sympathetically.
"Sometime soon," Buffy said in a decisive tone.
Willow added a look of slight sadness to her look of complete discomfort
adding up to a pretty weird expression.
"Yeah...I'll, uh, ask her."
The group lapsed into a terribly long, tense and uncomfortable silence.
###########
"You know, I wish you would let me pay sometimes. I feel like I'm
taking advantage of you," Tara said as she brought a french fry to her
lips.
"Don't be silly," her companion replied, taking a bite out of her own
food. "I've got money, you don't and this way I get to spend time with
you."
Tara smiled at Anya warmly. "So you're actually paying for my time,
huh?" She took a sip of her soda.
"Yes. Think of yourself as a time-hooker."
Tara worked hard at keeping her soda inside her mouth, swallowed
carefully, blushed, and then said, "Warn me if you're going to do that
again, okay? I don't think I want to be drinking while we talk in the
future."
"Oh...yes...that was funny...a joke...hahahaha," Anya said, smiling
widely.
Tara frowned, then shook it off with a grin.
"Has anyone ever told you you're really weird?"
"Some women find that appealing."
*Women like me*, Tara thought guiltily. *She's so cute sometimes. And
sweet and considerate and she always has time for me and I think I
really, really like her. Two months after I lose Willow and I'm already
falling in like with another girl.*
"Is something wrong?" Anya asked softly.
"Huh? Oh! No...just thinking."
"About Willow." Anya sounded about a third sympathetic, a third jealous
and a third annoyed.
"No!" Tara replied, about half a second too quickly. "I was actually
thinking about you."
"Huh...so you're saying thinking about me normally makes you look like
someone just killed your puppy?"
Tara looked indignant. "I did *not* look like that."
Anya raised an eyebrow.
"I did *not!*"
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Hey," a male voice shouted. "Could you girls keep the school yard
stuff down? I'm trying to to talk to my girlfriend here."
Tara and Anya looked over to a table a few feet away where a young man
in serious need of a crash course in hair care was talking to a blonde
girl.
"Sorry," Tara mouthed at him, blushing profusely. Anya just fixed him
with a stare which seemed to say: *If I was feeling myself right now I'd
do something horrible involving your testicles, a vat of boiling olive
oil and a pair of tweezers.* The boy squirmed and looked away,
surreptitiously covering his crotch with a napkin.
Anya turned back to Tara. "Now...what the hell were we talking about?"
"Um..." Tara didn't think it was wise to remind Anya of the more recent
turn the conversation had taken so she mentally rewound a couple of
minutes. "Money."
"Oh yes," Anya replied. "Now, money I like. Actually, I like it better
than most people."
"Yes," Tara interrupted with a grin. "People can so rarely be exchanged
for goods and/or services."
"Well...not without setting up your own slave operation and really, who
has time for that these days. Now back in the twelfth century, well..."
Anya trailed off and got a faraway look in her eye that made Tara
slightly uncomfortable...like she was imagining what it was like back
then...or...and she told herself how stupid this was the second the
thought entered her mind...maybe even *remembering...*
"You know, I'm sure you weren't this weird when we first met," Tara
said, trying to steer her mind away from such silly notions.
"You're right. The point I was trying to make though, many moons ago
before all these interruptions was as follows." She paused, making sure
she had Tara's full attention. Tara graciously sat up very straight and
made an 'all ears' type gesture.
"As much as I like money...I like you even more so, if I want to spend
my cash on you then you'll just have to let me. Understood?"
Tara saluted. "Ma'am, yes ma'am!"
Anya sighed. "And you call me weird."
Part Five
"So, are you going to talk to her or what?"
Anya reached for a sandwich from their picnic basket as she spoke. If
anyone had told her a month ago that today she would be having a picnic
with Tara she'd have laughed in their face. Well...that wasn't quite
true, in fact. She'd be more likely to have eviscerated them, then
laughed at their mutilated remains. But that was beside the point. The
point was, if she ever wanted to get back to a situation where she had
the power to eviscerate someone on sight (and god, what a thrill that
used to be) she would need to stick to Tara - and by extension her power
source which, as far as Anya could tell, had not been off her neck since
the night she had been given it - like glue.
Of course, if she got really desperate she could always take the
necklace back. But she worked for D'Hoffryn. Her boss was a firm
believer in the idea that just because one was a demon, didn't mean one
shouldn't behave in an honourable fashion. *Or bail on one's
assignments.* Anyanka had been sent to get a wish from Tara and she'd
be drummed out of Arashmaharr for good if she failed. Hence the nightly
visits to the movies, dinners and talking sessions she had partaken of
with Tara in the last several weeks. She felt she knew the blonde girl
pretty well by now...so why the hell wasn't her strategy working?
Didn't this girl want anything? Didn't she have dreams? If she did she
was keeping them under lock and key.
"Talk to who?" Tara asked, taking a bite out of her own sandwich.
"Willow," Anya drawled, as if she was talking to a very small and
exceptionally slow child.
"Oh her," Tara said off-handedly. "Why would I want to do that?"
"Hmm...maybe because she's been sitting over there staring at us for the
last fifteen minutes."
"Yes," replied Tara, a note of anger appearing in her voice as she
looked over at the redhead. "She has hasn't she?" She looked back at
Anya and smiled. "But I'm here with you aren't I?"
Anya's face transformed into an expression of slow surprise...a pleasent
surprise, of course. She even began to blush a little, a situation only
intensified when Tara grabbed her hand and began to trace slow patterns
on the back of it. A sudden rush of...something...went through her,
followed by a wave of dizziness so severe that she had to put both hands
on the ground to steady herself.
"Anya?" Tara said, concerned.
"I'm okay...just tired I guess."
Anya watched as a devious expression appeared on Tara's face. The
blonde flicked her eyes over to Willow, then back to Anya. She smiled
almost evilly.
"What?" Anya demanded. "You're plotting something aren't you?"
"Maybe." Anya raised an eyebrow. "Okay, okay," Tara relented. "I was
just thinking...since she's looking at us...what do you say we give her
something to look at?"
Anya frowned. "What do you mean?"
Tara blushed a little, as if only now realizing what she was
suggesting. Then she glanced over at Willow again and steeled herself.
Leaning forward, Tara took Anya's face between her palms. She moved her
lips closer to Anya's, then stopped, waiting for Anya's approval before
completing the move's natural progression. In the end it was Anya who
closed the space, kissing Tara with a fervour which surprised her more
than anyone.
It felt like a long time before they parted, and even longer before they
stopped staring at each other and looked around. Tara noted with a
brief flush of triumph that Willow was gone. This was followed by a
flash of guilt which she tried to shake off but, for some reason,
couldn't.
Anya also noted that Willow was gone but unlike Tara, didn't really
care. She flashed her vengeance demon look at some of the other people
in the park who were staring. A couple of cardboard cut-out dumb Jocks
scurried off rather quickly when fixed with Anya's icy glare.
"Wow," Anya breathed after she turned her attention back to Tara.
"You can say that again," Tara giggled.
"I can? Oh great. In that case - wow."
Tara smiled and Anya smiled back, if only to mask the fact that inside
she was one part on fire and one part utterly terrified.
*What*, she thought desperately, *is happening to me?*
#############
"Look, all I'm saying is she could have waited a little longer before
finding someone new, I mean we had something special didn't we? And
then like the second I get back with Oz she's all over this other chick
like I don't even exist!"
Willow finished by throwing her hands up in the air, side-stepping just
in time to avoid the vampire that Buffy had accidentally thrown in her
direction during the fight she was having. Stunned, the vamp started to
get up before meeting the business end of Mr. Pointy and turning to
dust.
"Will, it's been ages since you got back with Oz and this new girl has
only been around for what? A month or so? Don't you think you're
over-reacting a little here?" Buffy said as she slipped Mr. Pointy
back into her leather jacket pocket.
"Over-reacting! How can you say that? I'm reacting just enough!
Seriously, Buffy, you haven't seen the way this girl looks at her."
"And how's that?"
Willow was suddenly quiet and looked at her shoes as they walked.
"Let me guess - the same way you used to look at her."
Willow began to look more and more uncomfortable. She considered lying
for a nano-second and then decided that if she couldn't talk to her best
friend then she was in serious trouble.
"The same way I *still* look at her, Buffy."
The statement sat in the still night air for a moment while Buffy tried
to digest it.
"Will...are you trying to tell me you still have feelings for Tara?"
"Oh God," Willow scrunched up her face in preparation for the tears she
knew were coming. Buffy stopped walking and grasped her friend's
shoulders.
"Willow," she said, restraining herself from shaking her friend to her
senses.
"I think," Willow began eventually," that I've made a terrible mistake."
Part Six
Anya knelt in the sacred circle, chanting for all she was worth.
D'Hoffryn wasn't answering. Why wasn't D'Hoffryn answering? It hadn't
been that long had it? She was trying her best to get back to
Arashmaharr - now when she needed him most, D'Hoffryn wouldn't even
answer her chants!
"Damn it!"
Anya felt like tearing out her hair. All these insidious human
emotions, creeping around under her skin. She recognized it now. That
fluttering in her chest when Tara moved to kiss her. That was a
feeling. She remembered feeling it once...over a thousand years ago, as
a human. Everything was happening just as D'Hoffryn had warned her.
"Driven insane...driven insane! You can say that again!" Anya screamed,
scuffing the circle and storming out of the crypt.
##########
"Do you want anything? Chocolate? Hankies? Chocolate?"
Willow smiled at her babbling friend and shook her head. Curling into a
foetal position on Buffy's bed, Willow subconsciously hugged Mr Gordo
tighter to her chest.
"I just feel like such an idiot," Willow began. "I had my chance with
Tara. And I freaked. I chose the easy way and now? Now she has
someone new and it hurts so much I can't even think."
Buffy grimaced. She wondered how much her initial bad reaction to
hearing about Tara had affected Willow's decision.
"No," Willow said suddenly as if reading the slayer's mind. "Don't
think that. I'd already made up my mind long before that." She laughed
bitterly and without humour. "Or closed my mind, I should say."
Buffy sat down on the edge of her bed, gingerly placing a hand on her
friend's shoulder. She frowned, searching for the right words.
"Are you going to talk to Tara?" she said softly.
Willow closed her eyes against a fresh round of tears. "How can I?" she
said. "She has this other girl now..." Willow sighed. "You know, when
I went to see her the night we got Oz back from The Initiative...she
said I had to be with the person I loved. She was willing to let me go,
so I could be happy. I have to do the same for her now."
Willow fell silent. Buffy let her hand drop back to her side, also
silent. What else was there to say?
############
Anya chewed thoughtfully, watching the tears streak down Tara's face
with fascination.
"You do realize Thomas J doesn't exist, right?" she asked.
Anya picked up the popcorn bowl and tossed another kernel into her
mouth. They were sitting together on Tara's bed, watching a movie
about...some kid with a bee allergy. Anya wasn't paying too much
attention and didn't really think much of it anyway. The movie had been
Tara's choice, needless to say.
"You," said Tara, taking in Anya's entirely dry eyes, "have no soul."
Anya flinched. *Actually, that's technically true.*
"It's just a movie, Tara," she said aloud, still munching on the
popcorn.
"It's not just a movie," Tara exclaimed, sitting up straight and waving
her hands around to make her point. "It's 'My Girl!' It's very sad."
Anya raised an eyebrow. "Come on! How can you not be upset?"
Anya shrugged. Tara threw her hands in the air and sighed.
"Fine, I give up. There's no hope for you." Tara glanced over at her
companion. "We'll have to watch your favourite movie next time."
Anya sat up and clapped her hands together gleefully. "Texas Chainsaw
Massacre! Do you think the video store has it?"
Tara stared at Anya incredulously, shaking her head. "No wonder you're
so desensitized to death," she said, gesturing to the TV screen.
"Hey," Anya objected. "Just cause I don't go all bleary eyed over some
fictional little kid doesn't mean I'm desensitized to death. If you
must know, my parents are dead."
Tara's eyes widened and she placed a hand over her mouth. "Oh, Anya I'm
so sorry! I didn't mean-"
"It's okay," Anya interrupted. "It was a long time ago."
"Oh." Silence. Then: "how long?"
"About a thousand years." Anya's eyes widened imperceptably as soon as
she said that. "I mean," she backpedalled, "it feels like that
sometimes."
"I understand," Tara said sympathetically. "What were they like? I
mean, when they weren't walking in on you and your ex."
"Huh?" Anya replied, confused. "Oh! Right, of course, I told you that
story." She took a deep breath. "Well, my mom was..." Anya trailed
off, frowning. What was her mother like? She had a vague recollection
of brown hair and blue eyes and soft hands but...she just couldn't see
the face. Trying again, she said, "well, actually, I was always my
father's favourite..." She stopped, trying to bring her father into
focus. Tall...strong...a farmer by trade and completely besotted with
his little girl. Little Anya. If she concentrated really hard, she
could remember what his arms felt like, holding her. Unbidden, tears
began to slip down her cheeks. Tara looked on, concerned.
"Anya-" Tara began but was cut off by a hysterical laugh from the other
girl.
"Daddy's little girl - that's me! Anya Emerson, Christian and Katia's
pride and joy. God...if they could see me now. I'm..." *A monster*.
She sucked in a long shuddering breath. "I've gotta go."
With that Anya rose from the bed and practically flew through the door.
"Anya!" Tara called after her, making it to the door just in time to see
Anya turn a corner and dissapear out of sight. "Damn it," Tara
whispered as she grabbed a jacket and followed her into the night.
Part Seven
An hour of fruitless searching later Tara decided to cut her losses and
go back to her room where she would (hopefully) be safe from otherwordly
beasties, albeit Anya-less. She was practically kicking herself for
scaring her friend away like that. She should have known Anya wouldn't
want to talk about her parents - after all, Tara herself could hardly
think about her mother even now without crying.
*Why did she tell me that story, then...* Tara mused, thinking back to
the first evening she and Anya had spent together, eating chinese food.
She couldn't quite put her finger on it but...something about Anya's
extreme reaction tonight just didn't fit with what she thought she knew
about the girl. It was as if she'd only just realized her parents were
dead when, of course, she'd been living with it for, in her own words,
'a long time.' Tara fingered the necklace Anya had given her
contemplatively.
She didn't dwell on her thoughts for very long, however, since as she
rounded the corner into Main Street she spotted the object of her search
sitting on the same bench they had sat on together, all those weeks ago.
"I've been looking for you," Tara said with a relieved sigh as she slid
onto the seat next to the brunette.
"I've been here," Anya replied simply. Her voice sounded raspy, like
she'd been crying for a long time. She coughed to clear her throat.
"How hard did you look?"
"Anya...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"No," Anya said softly. "You don't mean to. But you do all the same."
Tara frowned, her expression pained. "What-"
"I mean you wander around, just being you with no consideration for
other people and how you might be making them feel," Anya interrupted,
like she hadn't even heard her. "You call me your friend and you talk
about my parents and you kiss me to make your ex jealous and you act
like it's nothing when I feel like I'm going crazy! You make me feel
all this stuff," she cried, growing more and more impassioned, "like I
want to scream and cry and laugh all at the same time and you don't even
notice! How dare you? How dare you make me care about you?" The last
was said at a pitch which would have attracted all the dogs in
Sunnydale, if any had happened to be within earshot. Anya slumped when
she was finished and buried her face in her hands, leaving Tara looking
down at the back of her head with glittering eyes.
"Anya..." Tara began but trailed off, placing a hand on the back of her
friend's neck.
"I'm so confused," Anya whispered through her hands. "I don't know who
I am anymore..."
"I know who you are," Tara said in one of the most decisive tones she'd
ever been able to muster. "You're Anya Emerson. You're my friend and I
care about you. Isn't that enough?"
Anya looked up slowly, turning to face Tara with teary eyes. Tara felt
a jolt of emotion run through her, finally settling in her throat,
making her voice thick.
"Anya..."
With that she leaned closer and kissed her, tangling both hands in her
shoulder length brown hair. Anya was frozen for a second before she
melted into Tara, kissing her fiercely and holding on for dear life.
They parted, breathless, a few moments later. Anya stared at Tara's
flushed face, inches from her own. "Yes..." she said softly but
decisively. "That's enough."
Tara smiled, pushing a few strands of Anya's hair behind the other girls
ear. "Good," she breathed. "And by the way," she added mischievously.
"This time...she was nowhere in sight."
#############
"So...are you excited about the gig?" Willow asked, looking hopefully at
the man in the driver's seat.
Oz seemed to consider the question for a moment.
"I guess," he said finally as he turned the van into Main Street.
Willow looked disappointed.
"And school...how are those summer classes working out?"
Again, Oz considered the question. "Pretty good."
Willow slumped imperceptibly. *Like trying to get blood from a stone.*
Somewhere in the back of her mind Willow knew that life with Oz had
always been this way. He was stoic. It was practically his middle name
- Daniel Stoic Osbourne. At least...he was that way with everyone
else. With Willow he had always been more open. She was the one who
got to share his emotions.
Since he'd come back, Oz didn't share with anyone.
Willow closed her eyes for a second and thought about Tara. Sitting in
Tara's room, giggling over pictures of Jonathan. Doing spells. Doing
'spells.' Holding hands. Talking.
["I am you know."
"What?"
"Yours."]
Willow sighed and opened her eyes.
Just in time to look through the driver's window and catch sight of Tara
kissing another girl.
Part Eight
Anya came awake very slowly, a sixth sense telling her....well, she
wasn't quite sure what it was telling her. That was the thing about
sixth senses - never clear enough. Her other five senses were, however,
exceedingly clear. Her eyes told her that she was lying in Tara's bed,
holding Tara from behind. Her ears told her that Tara was asleep, at
least if the deep regular breathing was to be believed. Her nose told
her that Tara's hair smelled like apples. Her hands told her that she
and Tara were both...fully clothed. Damn. As she slowly regained
consciousness, the night started to come back to her. Kissing Tara on
the bench. Walking back to the motel hand in hand. Talking.
Cuddling. More kissing.
The sixth sense, tired of being ignored, made its presence felt again at
that point. This time, rather than just giving Anya a fleeting sense of
something or other, it let her feel the eyes boring into her back.
Anya let go of Tara carefully and then slowly turned to face whatever it
was that was watching her.
"Anyanka."
Anya blinked once.
"D'Hoffryn."
#################
Willow sipped a coke in a corner of the Bronze, watching her friends.
Oz was on stage with the Dingoes. Buffy and Riley - who had just got
back from visiting his parents in Iowa - were dancing. Not far from
them, Xander was dancing with a girl called...damn, what was her name?
Oh yeah, Julie. Tonight had been her introduction to the group. It
looked like Xander really liked her - well, he had washed his hair for
the occasion and that was really saying something. Willow sighed. A
year ago her two best friends had been moping over Angel and Cordelia
respectively. A year ago Willow had been sitting in the corner waiting
for Oz to finish playing. Now they had all moved on.
*Wait...aren't I doing exactly the same thing I was a year ago?*
Willow sighed. She had to accept the truth. Everyone had moved on
except...
*Except me.*
Even Tara.
*Oh yeah, she's moved on all right. Moved on to to the next
coffee-house bimbo she meets.*
A snide part of Willow's brain pointed out:
*Uh...you dumped her remember? Not the other way around.*
Willow ignored that and went right on feeling angry.
##################
"D'Hoffryn!" Anya yelled, then flinched, looking down at Tara who,
fortunately, appeared undisturbed.
"She will not wake," D'Hoffryn said slowly. "The sleeping spell I used
on her was really quite good."
"Oh...well...good, I guess." Anya shook herself. "Never mind that.
What the hell are you doing here?"
"You chanted for me." D'Hoffryn replied reasonably.
"Days ago," Anya said. "I don't need you anymore. Go away."
D'Hoffryn's eyes clouded, even showing a hint of red.
"Have you forgotten to whom you are speaking?!" he roared menacingly.
"Oh please," said Anya dismissing him with a wave of her hand. "We both
know that your code strictly forbids harming your own vengeance demons.
You can't lay a finger on me, and you know it."
D'Hoffryn almost smiled.
"I'm glad to see you still remember some of our rules, Anyanka. Do you
perhaps also recall the one about never forming relationships with
humans?" He gestured to Tara, who had turned and snuggled closer to
Anya in her sleep.
"Oh...well, um, I can explain-"
"I have been watching you Anyanka," D'Hoffryn continued as if she had
not spoken. "It has become clear that you are no longer trying to
return to Arashmaharr. You wish to remain human. Why else would you
dally with this child?"
"She's not a child-" Anya began but was cut off by D'Hoffryn.
"Anyanka. Compared to beings such as you and I, all humans are
children."
Anya flinched.
"I'm not like you anymore," she said forcefully.
"Anyanka...in your current state I know you will find this difficult to
believe. What you are feeling is not real. It is merely a reaction to
losing your power source for an extended period. Nothing more."
"You're wrong."
"Am I? No-matter. I cannot force you to return with me. Do you wish
to stay here?"
Anya looked down at Tara's sleeping face and smiled softly.
"I do."
D'Hoffryn turned his back on them and faced the door.
"In that case," he said. "I shall have to recruit a new vengeance
demon."
Anya let that hang in the air for a moment before looking up at her
former boss's back.
"Have anyone in mind?"
D'Hoffryn turned his head.
"I was thinking about Willow Rosenberg. It seems conditions may now be
right to attempt to recruit her again. She is in a lot of pain over
this child." He pointed at Tara. "And she is also very angry with
you."
Anya just stared at him, then at Tara.
"If Willow becomes a demon...she'll hurt Tara. That's what happens.
You go after the people you loved most as a human."
"That is not my concern."
Then he was gone, disappearing through a portal into his own dimension,
leaving Anya alone with Tara and her thoughts.
She stared at Tara's sleeping face for a long time.
Part Nine
For some reason, the injection of a little happiness into her personal
life had made working at the coffee-house just a little more bearable.
Her boss had been less obnoxious, the customers less demanding...she'd
even managed to rake in a few extra tips which meant she could afford to
treat Anya to dinner. In fact, she was going back to her motel room to
meet Anya now. She wasn't quite feeling up to whistling a jaunty tune
or doing a merry jig...but she was in a good mood nonetheless.
A good mood which lasted for precisely 32 seconds. That was the length
of time it took to get from the coffee-shop to the bench on Main Street
(which Tara had taken to calling 'Anya's Bench' since Anya related stuff
always seemed to happen there.) Anya wasn't on it this time though.
And the person who was there instead was the source of Tara's sudden
loss of good-mood.
"Hey," Willow said as Tara came within earshot. "Can we talk?"
Tara was all ready with an excuse...but then she made the mistake of
looking into Willow's eyes. Tara could never refuse those eyes...even
when she knew she should. It was those eyes which had caused her to say
what seemed now like the stupidist thing she'd ever said.
["Do what makes you h-happy."]
She hadn't wanted to say that. She'd wanted to say *"Choose me!"* or
*"I love you!"* She'd wanted to shower her with kisses and make a mark
on the other girl's heart so that Oz could never take her away. But
no. One look into Willow's sad green eyes always made her ache so much
that she'd do or say anything to make her happy again. Even if it meant
giving her up.
Tara sat down.
"What would you like to talk about?"
Willow smiled nervously. "I'm not sure really. I mean, I have this
whole conversation worked out...apart from the actual talking."
Tara started to smile. *God, she's so cute...no, wait, I shouldn't be
thinking like that. Willow-babble does not equal cute - Willow-babble
equals annoying. Oh yeah. I'm annoyed.*
"I mean there's so much I want to say," Willow was continuing. "Where
to begin, you know?"
"Why don't you try starting with the most important thing. Then...work
from there."
"I love you," Willow blurted, almost before Tara had finished talking.
Tara's face froze.
"Oh," she said eventually.
#################
Anya was pacing while talking to herself. An (very small) objective
part of her mind was telling her that she really did seem crazy right
now but she couldn't help it. She didn't want to believe what D'Hoffryn
had told her...but then, how could she account for how she felt right
now? And why the hell was she still talking to herself?
"...no other way. I can't let her get hurt. I love her? No, that
doesn't sound right. Mind you, I'm a little out of practice with these
things. I just know I can't let her get hurt. No other way..."
She just had to wait for Tara to get here. Everything would be fine
once she got there. Then maybe Anya would know what she was going to
do.
##############
Before Tara could respond to Willow's little bombshell she found herself
on the receiving end of a very passionate kiss. Willow's lips
felt...desperate. Well, that and soft and warm and silky and Tara
couldn't help but respond once she'd gotten over the initial shock.
This was the moment she'd dreamt about so many times, the moment she'd
wanted more than air...two months too late. A voice in the back of her
mind told her this was very, very wrong but Tara ignored it. Until she
felt Willow's hand touch the necklace Anya had given her and the
previously anonymous voice began to take on a very familiar tone. She
groaned deep in her throat and wrenched herself away.
Tara sat back, breathing hard for a moment. Willow tried to speak but
Tara held up a hand and stopped her. When she got her composure back
she turned to face Willow. "Don't do that again," she said softly.
"I'm sorry," Willow said immediately, her expression pained. "I didn't
plan on any of that, it just sort of...happened."
Tara raised an eyebrow.
"No really, it's true!" Willow insisted. "I wanted to say I'm
sorry.