Common Areas

[pikescoob]

It's so cool that Tara had this opportunity, you can tell how much she enjoys painting/drawing. It's sweet that Willow is ever present in the front of her mind That bus ride must've been killer...I'm not surprised Tara crashed as soon as she got into her room



**Michelle

"these wounds won't seem to heal,

this pain is just too real,

there's just too much that time cannot erase"--Evanescence (My Immortal)

[Irishgrl3]

Tara's thoughts always seem to find their way to Willow. Now if she could just find her in person.



Loved the line;

Quote:

---

"But right now, a hint of a thought about Willow and she found herself hopelessly caught up in the Willowcentric universe she had created for herself."

---

Looking forward to what's next!

-anna

[hidden watson]

Title: Common Areas

Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)

Distribution: please email me first

Rating: PG-13 to R

Summary: Sunnydale, AU. Set during 2001/2 and 2004/5. Willow and Tara find each other through time.

Disclaimer: This story is inspired by and adapted from a Korean film called Il Mare. The story premise, of 2 people who connect across time, belongs to Lee Hyun-Seung, although I have deviated from the story somewhat. BtVS characters belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. I own nothing. I am nothing.

Notes: Yep, I'm slowly tightening the screw, the big fininsh is looming ominiously near and will only get more intense from this point onward.

Warning: Just to be on the safe side, I'm slapping an angst warning on this update.





Part 13 - Choices



Dear Tara,



I am writing you this and all I can think is that you're all the way over in Houston and how much I miss having you around because I am so desperate for your insight and advice right now.



I suppose it started off a few days ago when I had a talk with Oz that was civil and polite for once. We caught up and even joked a little. He told me a lot of things. Like how hard it was for him to move to New York, how isolated he felt and how shocked he was to feel the presence of others like him there, wolves and demons and what-nots. New York doesn't have a hellmouth, but like LA, it's a large enough city to attract all sorts of unsavory types, plenty of potential victims there, it's so easy to disappear and so important to hold onto whatever they can find.



I asked him if that was why he chose Veruca over me, that they found something in common with each other, more so than what he and I had. That it wasn't enough to have a history together, having gone to the same high school, having survived countless apocalypses. Is his life, his future (one without me) better?



His response was, it's not a matter of better or worse, it's just a different path. No one knows what would have happened if we had made different decisions all those years ago, when he was about to leave.



Thinking back, why didn't I try harder to stop him then? I didn't put up much in the way of protest, maybe I was too accepting, too afraid of being clingy, too rational. He said he was leaving, I cried a lot of tears but never put up a fight for myself and what was mine. And why didn't I go with him? I could have easily gotten into Columbia. Instead I was so wrapped up in my self importance in Buffy's fight that it was just inconceivable for me to leave Sunnydale cos Buffy needed me so much.



Did it make him think that I didn't care because I let go too easily? May be it never occurred to me that I could lose him. Am I paying now for the choices, or non-choices, I made then?



He said life isn't all about sitting down and making a choice from a list of available options, it's not the SATs, sometimes you make choices unconsciously, sometimes the choice is made for you, sometimes there's no choice at all.



I feel like everyone who I care about ends up leaving, or is somehow taken away from me. The constants in my life all leave one way or the other. My parents were never here. Oz leaves outright, Buffy dies and is not the same person again when she came back, Giles abandoned all of us. And Xander, he has Anya.



And I never got a say in any of these, ever.



Even with you. I hate the fates and the stupid Powers That Be that gave us the precious means to discover each other, but have seen fit to curse us so we may never meet. I hate it that I finally found someone I have an unique link to and it turns out we are separated by a divide that cannot be overcome. And how unfair it is.



Life is all about the choices we make. The difficult part is, we have to know when to make them, sometimes we only have a split second to make one and we don't get a second chance. But all too often it's too late, and when you realize you've made a mistake, the worst mistake in your life, you can never go back.



Unless you have hindsight.



So I am making a choice now. I am consciously going to make an alteration to the course of time, the end result may be the same, it may be different. Yes it is grossly unethical and possibly wrong. But I've thought about it, and I don't think there's lasting harm. Like Oz said, there's no right or wrong, better or worse, just a different path.



Will you help me?



Will you let younger me know life is not all about staying on the hellmouth. That there are other choices besides swallowing her pain.



I'm not asking you to help get Oz back, just if you can talk to younger me, that she should open her mind up to other possibilities.



I can fully understand if you refuse, even to the extent that you want nothing more to do with me. You may see fault in my request that I could not. No matter what you think of me, believe me when I say that I trust you, that I will always save a special place for you in my heart and soul.



I know you must be tired from your trip, though I wish I can hear from you soon, again I trust you enough to write me when you can. Even a small note, a word, makes my day.



Best,

Willow



*****



Dear Willow,



I apologize for how long it's taken me to write back. As you can imagine I came back from Houston with so much to tell you, which paled into insignificance once I received your letter.



I will be frank. My first reaction was disbelief, but over the last few days I've had more time to think — pontificate and ponder, if you will.



The turning point in my thinking, amazingly, was when Miss Kitty ran over some spilled paint and over to the window sill, thereby making the infamous paw prints that you told me about. Then it hit me and I have to use the ton of bricks cliché.



You and I are already existing on borrowed time, that we are able to find a connection with each other is an anomaly. So who am I to preach to you about the ethics of changing time, the danger of the butterfly effect and all that. See, we are living proof of the irregularity, and we ought to take some credit for having been so careful, for setting rules so early on and trying to adhere to them.



The portal opened up at a certain time, and for a certain 2 people. We have up to now not explored on the reason behind that. Nor have we thought about how long it will continue to be open or whether it works for other people and other mind numbing questions like that.



May be everything that has happened so far that we struggled over, our initial contact, my visit to the Bronze, our non-meeting, me meeting younger you, Oz coming back, may be they were all supposed to happen.



I will help you.



I will meet up with younger you.



What I will say, I don't know yet.



I think I know her schedule well enough, I have an appointment at the art gallery next Tuesday, the first Tuesday after Beltane, I had hoped it's an auspicious enough occasion to help me get my paintings noticed. I think it's a school day, meaning younger you will be at the Espresso Pump with Buffy, so after the appointment I'll make my way over.



After that, who knows. May be after our conversation younger you will come to the same conclusion, may be something different will happen, but she will have a few more choices.



Whatever happens, I believe that our paths, the strange, twisted, cross-lined situation that we stumbled across, is coming to an end. It's probably better that way.



I know at the bottom of my heart that one day, for whatever reason, we will go our separate ways. Otherwise in 2004 you will know me. I was hoping that that day will be far in the future, that we have a good few months, or may be even a couple of years, before the inevitable happens. It looks like it is not to be. Sigh.



The reality is, there is no way that our story can continue. That it's not our time however much we desperately want it. Perhaps in another reality, but not this one.



Am I sad? I don't think there is a word that adequately describes my sadness. There are, simply, no words, to describe my feelings now.



My last request from you is this. If I am successful at the gallery next Tuesday, I will ask them to hold a series of sketches I made during my course. They are by no means the finished product but these are not meant to be completed — they are intended to be a series of works in progress. I will ask the gallery to hold them in storage in your name until 2005, when you will come to collect them. It's my parting gift to you, and I hope you like them.



When I first moved into this basement apartment you said in your first letter that you wish that I enjoy my stay here. I have absolutely no doubts that I have, and my thanks to the goddess that I have been privileged to share a small part of my life with you.



I wish you the very best in your future.



Goodbye, Willow Rosenberg, and blessings.



Yours forever,

Tara



*****



Tara kissed the scented letter paper gently and folded it into the envelope. She opened the mailbox for what she believed was the last time and placed the letter reverently inside. Tears welled up in her eyes and her hands were shaking. As she closed the box and watched the letter disappear from her sight, she whispered her deepest desire to the winds.



"I love you."



*****







Edited: 100th post. I can't believe it.

Edited 2: very important typo.

Edited 3: html please, remember.

------

quiet thoughts

Edited by: hidden watson at: 2/2/05 6:43 am

[hidden watson]

Wow. Seems like what I thought of as a "filler" chapter was rather well received, I'm rendered speechless at the kittens' eternal kindness. A big Thank You! to everyone following this story, and a King-Sized THANK YOU! to everyone who left feedback.



Replies then update. We're getting close.



serendipitous - thanks! I wanted them to develop a little more as characters before things get hectic. The next part gets more intense though and there's a hint about what happens in the intervening 3 years that stops Tara from meeting Willow.



Viximon - Tara has fallen hard for Willow, I hope that's shown through in the fic, so it's not surprising that all she can think about is Willow. Your sixth sense is definitely on the right track, the climax is near, very near.



russ - thank you very much! I didn't expect such a positive reaction to the filler, a big club sandwich with any filling of your choice for you. It is probably cos it's time-travel brainknot-lite, I quite enjoyed writing Tara the Painter, even though I totally suck at art . Like I said, the big finish is very close.



hermitfish - Tara physically feeling (up) Willow . Soon. Soon. It's like the calm before the storm, and I'm definitely brewing up a storm. Thanks for your support.



Willow18 - Tara's world right now? Choc full of Willow, so that's all she can draw right now. The pace will quicken soon, I wanted a simple, sweet chapter before the more intense chapters next.



mary -

Quote:

---

all of their thoughts do return to each other

---

so true! Their lives are all about the other, but there's a sense that they can't do much about their situation.



Grimmy - I enjoyed writing this chapter, I also thought about the method of travel, but after doing research on schedules, I decided on bus cos I wanted to put in that bit about Tara thinking Willow will write a modeling program to find the best means. I wanted closure with Oz, but it's not over till the fat lady sings! If other things don't start distracting them, Willow's research fingers will start to itch, but that's only if there are no distractions .



Kim - like I said, I like Tara the promising artist a lot, she has a lot of talent.

Quote:

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it's funny, Willow wasn't in this update... yet she was a constant.

---

I didn't even notice, thanks for pointing it out. For me, they are so much part of each other I automatically picture Willow when I see Tara, and vice versa.



lil fled - thanks and welcome! Don't worry too much about the time travel, just go with the flow, that's what I do .



Rhiannon - they're pretty engulfed with each other alright. Thank you for your encouragement!



pikescoob -

Quote:

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you can tell how much she enjoys painting/drawing.

---

I'm so glad you felt that, for me art and Tara just fits so well together, she has such a creative and peaceful vibe that it's only fitting.



Irishgrl3 - Tara will find her Willow in person, I'm working towards that, yes ma'am.

------

quiet thoughts

[Irishgrl3]

OMG that was so incredibly sad I feel so bad for both of them. I'm hoping that the meeting will of course be one that neither will forget because their connection to each other will be so strong. They'll fall deeply in love and nothing else (OZ) will matter. Well I can hope can't I?

-anna

[Viximon]

At first I was a little surprise for the selfishness of Willow letter. Thinking about what she was asking to poor Tara. I understand why but think is unfair the same.

And later...with Tara answer... . I don't like it. It sounded so so as farewell letter so sad.



I can't wait to read what's going to happen. What last gift Tara had done. The final meeting....

AWWWWW

I can't wait. please don't make us wait too long

Great chap by the way

[lipkandy]

Congratulations! that was one scenario I forgot about completely! That Tara knows about Willow's future (or could anyway) because they continue to talk for some time so she knows details from Willow's next few years. Like, possibly, that she and Oz will get back together. so she stays away to protect that.



of course, that's probably not what happens at all.



xomel

Edited by: lipkandy at: 1/28/05 9:25 am

[JustSkipIt]

OMG!



Well, first off I should appologize for not responding to the part before. Tara's trip to Houston. But what was there to say that wasn't already said? That everyone hadn't said about how sad it was that they were separated and that Tara loves Willow so much and that even separated she thinks only of Willow. Wow...



But this part is the most powerful yet! Willow's letter starts out soul searching in the most intimate of ways. And yay to her for that introspection. Although.... I have to wonder about the dual interests 2004 seems to have. On one hand she seems clearly in love with Tara but on the other, she seems to want to change the past and genuinely mourns for her relationship with Oz. I agree with her conclusion that everything is due to choices (see Debra's: Y'all philosophy). However, I agree more strongly with Oz's assertion that it isn't just the "big" choices that drive our lives and our reality. Every choice. Every one could be the changing factor (particularly in quantum physics). I can't believe that she's asking 2001 Tara to talk to 2001 Willow in such a personal way. What could be the purpose of that? How will it help her? I'm not sure that it will.



But Tara's letter back is amazing and powerful and shocking. To think that she's ready to give up their relationship to do what Willow wants? I can't imagine that that is what Willow wanted when she made her request. I would imagine that Willow though Tara could do what she wished and they could go on as is but Willow could make different choices. But that doesn't seem to be her wish.



Now... I believe that in feedback/back long ago you referenced part 14 for heartbreak. I'm wondering the type of fate in store for us. Will Tara's going to meet Willow be her destiny? (read: death?) Will it be Willow's fault? Can Willow change that decision? Or is it just going to be angst because they meet for real and for intense?



I can't wait for more! Well done. Debra

Contact your Senators to support the Constitution



"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” - Martin Luther King

[hermitfish]

Interesting update...I'm gonna cue the impending action drums…



Willow seems to regret that space of her life between the Oz thing to now (with the obvious exception of Tara and the letter exchange). Like she was just following a path instead of making a choice to go on that path...a depressing realization to have. And with this realization she asks Tara to try to influence a different path. Perhaps one where Willow takes a more active role in choosing what she really wants...not for the sake of her friends, family, etc.



This raises some interesting questions outside of the ethical ones. I tend to think mistakes I’ve made in the past are at least partly responsible for who I am now, what I’ve become. Admittedly if Willow changes her path in the past perhaps it will save her some of the pain she went through, but what does it change about the person she will become? Hmm…anyway, fascinating to ponder…



Tara's response seems very touching to me. She seems willing to help Willow with her request, knowing very well that this might end their letter/time portal relationship. But also knowing it might end her pseudo fringe relationship with younger Willow. Quite a sacrifice made out of love.



This is very beautifully written. Can't wait to see what happens and the ramifications.



~Cyd

---

All you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right kind of people.

~Eugene Pallette in My Man Godfrey (1936)



Altered Shadows

[behindhereyes]

Watson



Wow !!



How beautifully sad... Willow asking Tara for assistance in possibly changing her path in life... wanting a push toward different choices, or at the very least help in recognizing their existence. Tara... she is the fount of the heart wrenching pain my chest... the depth of her feelings, her unflinching look toward the future, and her brutal honesty with herself about it OMG OMG I repeat... beautifully sad.







behindhereyes

Kim

"To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world"

[meretricious]

wow, when you say tightening the screw you aren't kidding. i guess that's why you called the last part filler, more of a calm before the storm. willow's talk of choices had me thinking "unbearable lightness of being" thoughts. i suppose that's why a time skip scenerio like yours is so attractive, i think anyone would be tempted to toss a little knowledge to an earlier version of themselves.

i have to agree with debra, though, i think tara's taking this a lot further than willow had probably pictured. i try to picture the timelines integrating for them, but then i go back to the mind boggle place. can't wait to see what happens next! ~mary

hey girl, get on the dance floor
rip it up girl
that's what it's there for~razorlight

[pikescoob]

I think everyone has, at times, thought about things they wish they'd done differently...things they wish they'd taken a chance on...wish they'd had the strength to really go after what they wanted. Willow decided to take advantage of her unique situation and possibly help her younger self do just that. I'm very interested to see what will come of it. Tara being so selfless is just heart-wrenching...she knows that by doing this she could lose Willow forever *sniff*



**Michelle

"these wounds won't seem to heal,

this pain is just too real,

there's just too much that time cannot erase"--Evanescence (My Immortal)

[lil fled]

Amazing update!



Sometimes I read things in fics (wise advice & such ) that apply so much to my own situation... all good things ofcourse!



This update had so many of them...

------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm realistic about love. People shape love into what they

want love to be and it always bounces back to its natural

shape and smashes you out of the way."

[bullko]

SOrry for no fb for a few updates. Just to add my admiration for how you have crafted this so beautifully. Willow's desire to go back to revisit some of her decisions in the past is a little questionable IMHO. Tara seems to agree to the scheme too easily and she's already making assumptions that it's the end?



Anyway I'm loving it. And I don't think anyone's picked this up yet, did you leave a clue about Tara's fate?

Quote:

---

I have an appointment at the art gallery next Tuesday, the first Tuesday after Beltane

---

Isn't Beltane May 1st? I checked the calendar, the first Tuesday after Beltane in 2002 is May 7th. And that's a VERY auspicious day cos that's the date of her {shudder, I can't say it} . Tell me it's not true.

[Grimlock72]

Tara seems convinced that if she helps young-Willow in her timeline that she'll loose Willow (likely both). I haven't really figured out why that is, doesn't she believe youngWillow will be interested in what she has to say/offer ?



Encouraging youngWillow to take an active choice regarding her lovelife-future is a good thing. Doesn't nessecarely mean she'll go back to Oz. Maybe she'll be able to move on more easily after their break-up...



It's a bit sad to see older-Willow think about her life so far. She comes across as sad, needing some guidance in life.



Didn't like the way Oz appeared to rationallize/justify him leaving Willow. It may truly the way he feels and thinks, but it just doesn't sound nice the way he puts it. A bit to.. easy.. might be the word.



So Tara thinks she wont speak/write to olderWillow again. I wonder if Willow thinks the same, I kinda doubt it. All Willow wants to do is prevent her younger self from suffering needlessly during a long period. Tara for some reason doesn't think youngerWillow might be attracted to her... (hmm.. and writing youngerWillow makes that line sound rather... odd ). Hmm.. now if youngerWillow and Tara get into a relation what will happen to currentWillow's timeline ?? That would be might weird.



I guess we'll have to wait and see, not much else we can do.. bit hard to predict what will happen.



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[hidden watson]

Title: Common Areas

Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)

Distribution: please email me first

Rating: PG-13 to R

Summary: Sunnydale, AU. Set during 2001/2 and 2004/5. Willow and Tara find each other through time.

Disclaimer: This story is inspired by and adapted from a Korean film called Il Mare. The story premise, of 2 people who connect across time, belongs to Lee Hyun-Seung, although I have deviated from the story somewhat. BtVS characters belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. I own nothing. I am nothing.

Notes: I'm bringing out the wrench now and tightening the screw even more.

Warning: Big angsty cliffhanger warning!!!





Part 14



Willow opened the door to the small modern art gallery on Sunnydale's main street for the first time in her life. Having been labeled as a scientist since a young age, art and its appreciation was not something she immersed herself in to a large extent. If it were not for Joyce's gallery, she would not have even set foot into one before now.



Her first impression was, how spacious it felt, though she knew the gallery did not occupy a large space. Wide open windows, high ceiling, distinct lack of pillars and sparse furnishings added to the sleek feel.



She looked at the pictures on the walls, she was sure they were arranged tastefully and to achieve maximum effect, but was a little bit overwhelmed. She looked slowly and carefully at each, trying to read and appreciate them, but only doing so-so.



Pretty colors, pretty patterns, but I have no clue how to describe them. All I know is this feeling of whether I like it or not.



Then she moved deeper into the gallery, to more secluded pieces. The lighting changed subtly, no longer bright and glaring, the inner section was all about understatement. The paintings there were more raw, more ... she searched for words and could only came up with subtle again. They seemed to move, to fill out, no longer just specks or lines of paint on pieces of canvas or paper, but telling real stories, real emotions, real movement.



She was awestruck at the effects, she had not expected to be so affected. One by one she drew her eyes along the various different works by different artists, none of whom she had ever heard of.



Until she saw herself.



Ten drawings. Charcoal on parchment, her dry inner mind described. Black on white, with very few strokes or, to her untrained eye, details, but so realistic. She had no real idea what she looked like to other people, and could only look at herself from photos or in the mirror. It was the first time she had seen herself from the eyes of another person, and she was blown away by how 3 dimensional it was, like another her was going to jump out from behind the parchment.



The series were arranged with the first six in two lines of three, then the remaining four in a square, with sufficient space between each set to maintain its independence, however close enough to the rest to signify its place in the order. There was a small difference between the portraits and herself, the series showed her a few years younger, though her fresh face already hinted at a depth and a certain amount of tragedy.



Buffy just came back from the dead, things were tense then.



The smaller set of six were rough, almost unfinished, in different poses. Some with more than one image on the same canvas.



The set of four had more detail and background, obviously at a further stage of "completeness" than the other ones.



The first was of her on stage, backlit and staring at a dark audience, a generous smile on her face. That night at the Bronze, the Dingoes' 300th concert.



The second was her half turned, a small frown on her forehead, eyes half closed and looking to the side, as if searching for something or someone. Her head cocked to one side, her left hand stretched out, trying to reach out.



The third was from a wide perspective, of her sitting at a table and chair, background recognizable as the Espresso Pump, a cup of coffee in front of her, with steam floating up, her hands wrapped tightly round the cup to keep warm.



The last one in the series was extreme close up, head only. In it she seemed to be staring straight at the observer with a meaningful grin and what appeared to be a hungry, almost lustful look that followed her even if she moved a little to the side. When had she ever looked like that?



She was transfixed, an indefinable shiver traveled up her spine and she shuddered at the unfamiliar feeling.



"A powerful series of sketches, don't you agree?" She literally jumped out of her skin when the voice appeared so suddenly from behind her.



She could only stare at the dapper middle aged man who had materialized next to her with a confused expression on her face, but her gaze was soon drawn back to the sketches.



The gallery proprietor had seen Willow come in, but had decided to let the young redhead look around at the paintings on display at her own pace. Ordinarily he would dismiss the younger woman as just a browser, her demeanor did not say "collector" or "art patron" or even "nerd with money to burn". However she did seem to be there for a purpose, but knowing people who came into galleries preferred to be left alone in their perusals, he had kept his distance until she came to the charcoal series.



The series of sketches had been included in the stock when he bought the gallery from the previous owners, with a note that they were not for sale, and were waiting to be collected by their rightful owner. It also came with a rather unusual request regarding timing of exhibition. He thought it was strange, but out of respect for the artist, and genuine appreciation of the work, had no qualms in complying to the request.



Many people had looked at, and asked about, the series, and his answer was always the same. He thought he should let the young woman know before she asked.



"Unfortunately they are not for sale, at the artist's request. If you're interested I have some other portraits I can show you," he said.



Willow turned and looked at him again, she was about to say something but had trouble forming words. She stood there, slightly wringing her hands together, a deep frown on her face, shook her head and turned back to the sketches.



He looked at the girl, and at the sketches, not understanding why the girl was so flustered.



"Look, Miss —" and stopped when he spotted the wild look in her eyes. She looked like she had seen a ghost.



Still she had not said a word.



He looked more carefully at her, and at the sketches, and back at her again.



"It's you!" he exclaimed, the loudness of his cry startling them both. "That's you in these sketches. I didn't recognize you at first."



She turned to him, still with that strange, wild expression, her eyes grew wider.



"You're the person I've been waiting for. Are you here to claim them? I have the documentation somewhere, let me go get them," he blubbered. Though he was expecting a visit like this eventually, he expected, well he did not know what to expect, but he was used to an older clientele and was unsettled at the unguarded, exposed display of emotion displayed by the young woman when she saw the sketches. He thought the series had just been loaned to the gallery for safekeeping, perhaps their owner was abroad or something like that. The redhead had obviously not seen them before although it was now abundantly clear that she was the subject.



When he retrieved the paperwork from the gallery files and returned to Willow, the redhead was more composed.



"Miss, do you mind coming with me to the office, there's some paperwork that needs to be signed," he explained.



She said nothing, but followed him to the office where he motioned her to sit at one of the gallery's modern designer chairs.



She sat very still, watching him struggling with the file, trying to retrieve what he was looking for. She had only a vague idea what he was talking about, something about claiming the sketches. She recognized herself in them, and was in complete wonderment at how lifelike they were, how Tara had captured her expressions, her energy, her very being. The signature at the bottom right had confirmed that these were done by one T. Maclay and dated 2002. These must be the unfinished sketches Tara made in Houston, and the gallery had been very kind to hold them for so long.



But the burning question in Willow's mind was, where was Tara? Why had she left the sketches and not touched them. Yes she said they were for Willow, but it felt like they had been literally left at the gallery and not touched.



Was Tara's letter really their last correspondence? Did Tara mean it when she said their joined path had ended? There was such a finality to her words that had ripped Willow's heart when she read them. Why did she make that stupid request? Why did she have to screw things up when everything was going so well? She was so racked in guilt and melancholy that she had not mustered up sufficient courage to write Tara and apologize. Then all of a sudden it was the 7th and it was the day Tara said she would speak to younger her and somehow she found herself at the gallery, still not having written to Tara. Part of her wanted to take back her words yet another part wanted to hear what happened at the talk, that was selfish and, so selfish, she could not forgive herself.



"Let's see what we have here. Forgive me if I seem unfamiliar, this came with the gallery when I bought it but I've not had the chance to review it thoroughly. Hmmm. The files say they were painted by Tara Maclay, do you know her?" he asked.



At her nod he continued, "They are to be stored at the gallery and not to be brought out for exhibition until 3 years from the date of this declaration, which means 2005. They are the property of a Willow Rosenberg of this address here, who will provide adequate proof of identity. The rest is legal jargon, if Ms Rosenberg doesn't claim the sketches within a certain number of years, etc. You are Ms Rosenberg, aren't you?"



She could only nod numbly.



He sat patiently as if waiting for her to take the next step. She was about to ask when it suddenly occurred to her, with a little "Oh" at her understanding, she took out her wallet and searched for her driver's license.



"Sorry. Yes, that's me. You want my driver's license?" she asked as she handed the document over.



He matched it against the name and address on his records and satisfied himself that the photo was indeed of Willow.



"There are a few more formalities to go through, documents to sign because there is no receipt and the lawyers will want to make sure all is in order and there will be no other claimants, do you understand?"



"Yes, it's kinda new to me, thanks for helping," Willow said, smiling nervously at her cluelessness.



"In the mean time, and perhaps afterward, how would you like to exhibit the series? Unless you have alternate arrangements, may I suggest that you consider leaving them here at the gallery for the time being?" he asked gently.



"Um, that'll be good, I haven't thought about what to do with them," Willow answered.



"They are excellent examples of Ms Maclay's early work, did you know her personally?" he enquired.



"A little," she said. A bit hard to explain that they had never met in person (well, they did meet, kinda, but that’s too complicated) but knew each other so very well in other ways.



"Such a shame, she would have been very good. A life cut short, so tragically, and so young too," he said sadly.



"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"



*****

------

quiet thoughts

Edited by: hidden watson at: 2/6/05 12:27 am

[hidden watson]

A happy weekend to y'all.



Thank you to everyone for your valuable and hearwarming feedback. Replies then probably the most important chapter of them all. Really? Yep, at least I think so, up to this point.





Irishgrl3 - it's sad that they both seems to have given up. Meet, fall in love, discard Oz ... sounds good. All I can say is no harm wishing. But what happens next, well, er, it may be a little different than that ...



Viximon - I remember earlier in the thread there was a short discussion about Willow's selfishness, and I still think she's behaving like a self-centered child who's always had her wishes granted, probably cos she's never had the stablilzing influence of Tara. Tara is a little accepting of the situation and she may have jumped too earlier into the conclusion about the end of their relationship. Having said that, she knows in the future they don't have a future, so perhaps it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.



lipkandy - yes, that's another possibility (one of several hundred I know I've not considered), that Will and Oz get together again and Tara fades out of the equation. Then again, it may not take place like that. I'm not telling, er not for another few minutes till I get the next update up anyway.



JustSkipIt - Debra, I still think there's an element of selfishness to Willow's actions. I haven't gone all the way out in her letter for her to actually say she wished she could turn back the clock and have another chance with Oz, either prevent him from leaving, or enticing a commitment from him, or for her younger self to go with him. That's what happened in the film. But I thought about it, and she's halfway (or more) in love with Tara though she has no idea how to take it forward. I think somewhere at the back of her mind, she wants closure with Oz, so it doesn't hurt as much when he does betray her. Or she wants her younger self to have more contact with Tara so they forge a connection. She's at a point where she knows kind of what she wants but she's not able to fully grasp the implications.



As for Tara, it was a shock when she came back from Houston, all happy and in love and full of Willow thoughts and what does she get, something close to a putdown. But it is true testament to her strength of character that she agrees to talking to younger Willow. She may be too forward in thinking this is good-bye, but in her mind, sometime between her current time (2002) and 2004, they lose each other. So it's probably not surprising she's jumped to conclusion somewhat. I'm so flabberghasted at your analysis each time, it makes me think about this, much more than when I was writing, thank you.



And yes, Chapter 14 is next when what happens in the in-between years will be ... not fully revealed but I'm getting there. It's going to pick up in pace from now on.



hermitfish - Hi Cyd, thanks for the feedback. You're right it's part of growing up, that the mistakes you make become a part of you. The question is, with the benefit of hindsight, how much of our past would we change? What are the decisions we would have made differently if we had a second chance. I'm of the view that ultimately, there are very few. To put a personal spin on things, I sometimes wish I'd taken another major at college, one that I was interested in instead of the 'conventional' one I ended up taking. Would I have changed if I were transported back? Yes and no. I would have gone to a different college and I wouldn't have met all the friends I still have to this day, and definitely not my partner. so yeah, life's like that. It's all about the choices and the good deeds and the mistakes you make.



behindhereyes -

Quote:

---

beautifully sad

---

wow! Thank you, Kim! Will the Tara talk really change Willow's life? Willow's definitely been in a rut for years, certainly she wants to make a change. And Tara, she's so understanding, even in a situation where it may turn against her, so she loses Willow earlier. More to be revealed.



meretricious - I'm surprised they've been able to resist the temptation to do some serious changing so far, so all credit to the girls. The screw tightens even further, I hope you like angst ...



pikescoob - yes true, most, if not all, of us have wanted to change history, to make our lives better, or to correct some bad mistakes. No one gets a second chance though. Willow's request stops short of actively changing history, she's asking Tara to talk to younger her, but the decision still rests with young Willow. Tara is a saint for agree to this, cos she's basically forfeiting her claim to Willow and any possibility that they may be together. The plot thickens though ...



lil fled - oh now you've made me blush. Thanks for the kind comments.



bullko - hokayyy, what to say without incriminating myself but on the other hand reassuring you that it's not true ... Nothing ! Seriously, the next part or two should confirm (or not) your hypothesis.



Grimlock72 - thank you as ever for your insightful comments. Make me crank up the brain cells definitely . All Willow wants is to have a few more choices, she's not asking Tara to change the mind of her younger self, only to open her mind up more. I'm not sure about how sensible this wish is though, cos there's no telling what younger Willow will end up doing. Tara is jumping the gun about the end of their relationship, but who can blame her? She knows sometime in the next 2 years she and Willow will stop corresponding, leaving the Willow who moves into the basement apartment (way back in August 2004) to 'meet' her once again. There's a Chinese saying that roughly translates as 'for long pain why not take the short pain', that's probably the kind of thought process Tara went through.

------

quiet thoughts

[Viximon]

I was afraid of that!!

I knew it!

You cruel mean author nop nop nop



HOW COULD YOU?!!!



Make up soon or I die



Is not too late to make amends.it is?

[russ]

Yes, the most important chapter it is. Although I was surprised; I thought this would be a 'Tara meets younger Willow' chapter. Instead, two important revelations for Willow. First, in seeing herself through Tara's sketches, she is overcome with loss at Tara's absence. I think she only now fully realises how important Tara has become to her. Second, of course, is the 'big angsty cliffhanger' revelation of Tara's death.



Well, we knew it had to be that; nothing less would have kept them apart. I don't know why it hadn't occured to Willow, and why she hadn't done some research to find out what had become of Tara.



We're really going to get into timeline dizziness territory now. Did Tara's death come about because of her getting involved with younger Willow and her world? If so, older Willow is definately living in a different timeline, as she has no memory of these events. Don't leave us hanging on this cliff too long, ok? The fingers are getting worn down.

Russ



When we love and give it everything we've got, no matter what the consequences, we are doing what we were put here to do -- Geneen Roth

[Willow18]

^ Me as soon as the man mentioned lawyers and then the last few sentences.







I loved the gallery scene and the description of Willow's reactions to the sketches. I really don't know how to express how much I liked this portion (save for the last few sentences, which I KNOW that you will make good with later, right? Right??).

[Missocki]

TARA'S WHAT?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!??!??!?!?



s-s-she c-can't be dead. I mean that does explain why she never met Willow, but DAMN IT! I-I can believe it! are you trying to kill us poor little kittens? It was bad enough when Joss did it... have Willow save her some how!

"I think when I cease to go to the bathroom, then I can call myself famous." -Amber Benson

"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly." -Rose Franken

[Traveler4069]

Like any bad news that is half expected hearing about the death of Tara still came as a shock. While it does fit the story your telling I like many others have to say its time for a plot twist and it just can't happen. However which way you take this story, good writing and I'll watch for updates. Traveler

[behindhereyes]

I have to be honest... on reading that line, even though I was expecting it... the first words out of my mouth were... son of a b*t*h ! OMG, feeling that this was where we were headed...did absolutely nothing to diminish the impact it had.



Will sit here and wait for the world to stop looking so askew .



behindhereyes

Kim

"To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world"

[thebardgirl]

My world has just ended.....again *cries*



You're a big, big, big MEANIE! (true, I predicted this...but STILL!)



*sobs into pillow*



I'm not going to stop crying until we have an update on our hands...*cries horribly loud*



-elizabeth

"Oh, where are my manners, Tara, Willow, Willow, Tara."



-random line I know I search for in every fanfic out there.

[wimpy0729]

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO...



Maybe if I keep repeating it, it won't be true.



Just Wow. Big angsty clifflhanger indeed.



Okay, well, that does explain Tara not showing up, because that would make it kind of difficult.



I gotta say I loved the exhibit...the way Tara chronicled the different stages of Willow's life was very moving. I could just picture Willow standing there gazing at herself in awe.



But the end...well, let's just say I believe in the power of the ficwriter and their wonderful imagination to rectify this horrendous situation.



Great job. You always keep me coming back for more. Extremely anxiously awaiting to see what's next.



Wimpy

Edited by: wimpy0729 at: 2/6/05 2:45 pm

[the hero factor]

Ya know, like others, I figured this is where the whole 'Tara-not-showing-up-thing' was heading, but gosh...WOW! I really wasn't expecting it in the gallery setting, from some nobody guy!



This story is so good and I can't wait to see what happens.

[bluemote]

alas! alack!



you have us all well and truly hooked

thank you! but please, there must be a happy ending...no? (bottle of laphroig in it for you?)

xox blue

[WillowNTara4ever]

ahh come onnnn man you cant leave us hanging that long you can come back unexpectedly any minute now and then surprise us with another update......

[Under Their Spell]

*jolted...no, TORN screaming and gnashing teeth from months of quiet lurkdom* Oh, HELL no! You did NOT just do that to them! *taking a moment to compose myself* Now...yanno, i've happily been lurking and reading all the wonderful fics on this board - oftentimes feeling highly tempted to attempt to figure out how this whole posting thing works, but never quite gathering the determination to do anything about it. I've generally stuck to the archives so as NOT to have to fret and worry myself to utter distraction, wondering when the next update will be. ( Lisa really burned me with her abrupt disappearance) But i simply cannot - WILL not- stand idly by and allow this...this...travesty to go unanswered! I've been patient- I've been politely unassuming and quiet- I haven't made a mess - what do i have to do to make you FIX this?? Please... for the love of all that's holy and sacrosanct, make it better! *kneels in supplication*

On a less erm...confrontational note, the story is great. A very cerebrally-challenging experience, given that i appear to be missing the bone in my brain that allows one to fully grasp the space/time continuum thingy you have working here, but i'm REALLY trying. I'll go back to college and take quantum physics if you want...just fix it. *whimper* Eagerly awaiting the next update!

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

Tara... dead? there has to be some kind of mistake...yes, that's it..... I choose to believe it has been this whole big misunderstanding between Willow and the shop owner and in the next update it will all be cleared up. Tara can't be dead can she? If she is.... Willow will have to go back in time or something and try to save her. Then they can meet for the first time. Well...err... younger Tara can meet older Willow anyway. (okay...maybe I'm in denial here....It's a coping mechanism okay?)



I have to admit that even though there was speculation that Tara might have died and that was the reason behind her not showing up at the coffee shop... I never really expected it to be true...this last update came as such a complete shock... I was like and then I was all... *sniff sniff* (but now I realize that it's just a story so I can stop being insane about the tragicness of it all and start with the praising)



I really loved the way you wrote this particular update (not that all of your updates aren't wonderful and spectacular, but this one in particular grabbed my attention above all others. I think it was the way you were able to capture the feeling of the moment in which Willow came face to canvas with the art Tara had left her...It was so...real. You're a really great writer and I can't wait for the next update.





xoxo

Emms

I can wax philisophically on a variety of different subjects...that doesn't,however, mean that I have anything constructive to add to the conversation.

--- Me