Chapter 14 for all of you on this Fine Lovely Day! OK who am I kidding its the third day of rain here and my road was washed out yesterday. What a mess.
Any way
The same disclaimers you know the drill. Blah Blah Blah
OK so here it is
Chapter 14
What’s in a name?“It’s never going to happen.” Tara said as she walked into the kitchen. “Not as long as I’m her mother.”
“Oh come on it’s such a pretty name.” She tried to argue her point. “Ariel Maclay Rosenberg. I just think it sounds so...” Tara interrupted.
“Little Mermaid.” She grinned. Tara moved through the kitchen opening the cabinets searching for something to satisfy her appetite. “Will sweetie, you know I kind of caught on to the whole Disney themed Name choices you’ve been making. Yesterday it was Aurora and the day before it was Belle. What’s next Pocahontas?” Tara reached for a box of cookies. She looked at the label, groaned and put them back on the shelf.
“No that’s way too long.” Willow answered seriously flopping down at the table. “She’d have an awful time learning to spell that. And come on Pocahontas Maclay Rosenberg geeze baby that’s a mouthful.”
“Sweetie, do you think the Princess Collection is the best reference book for baby names?” Her frustration grew as she looked through the cabinets.
“Well she is the princess inside of my beautiful Goddess, and they always live happily ever after.”
“They’re fairy tales Will.” She laughed at her wife. “They never have to pay property taxes or put their garbage to the curb.”
“WOW! You can just burst a bubble can’t you?” Willow smirked as she moved toward her wife. “So… what have you come up with smarty pants?” Willow reached forward placing both hands on Tara’s belly.
“Pants?” She raised an eyebrow and they both laughed. “I don’t have any ideas yet. You’ve gone through the entire list on the PDA, every TV show and Movie. And by the way Scarlet was not even funny. But I figure we still have eight weeks so there’s no hurry.”
“No hurry.” Willow protested. “How can you pick now to procrastinate? Really Tara she should have a name already. When I read to her at night I should be using her name.”
“Will.” Tara smiled as she opened the refrigerator. “I think it’s wonderful that you are reading to her. I think the sound of us together is very soothing. Will it make her smarter? I’m not sure about that.” Tara closed the fridge, not finding anything appetizing.
“Well she’s already going to be a genius.” Willow smiled as she kissed her wife. “I just thought it would be easier to give her a name. Come on you have to have some idea? Didn’t you think of names for your kids when you were growing up?”
“Willow,” Tara pulled back from her wife and sat at the table. “I never thought I would have a child. I never thought I ever deserved to have a partner that would share all of the work that parenting involves. So I never even considered what to name one.”
“Okay.” Willow conceded sensing a mood swing. “How about we do it this way. We both think of three things to describe our daughter. Then we’ll cross reference those characteristics with the name list and find one that fits.” Willow slid a piece of paper and a pen in front of Tara and did the same for herself.
The two women thought for a while and Willow began to quickly write. Tara spent her time searching for words. The redhead noticed Tara staring at her blank page. She decided to let the blonde ponder as she made salads for lunch. Willow plunked the plates on the table and left the room. Her frustration grew as time passed. She quickly returned with her laptop and set it up at the table rapidly plugging in her words and scrolling through the lists of names. Occasionally Willow broke the silence with groans of frustration.
“None of my words are any good. Everything comes up Greek or Arabic and that just won’t work with Maclay-Rosenberg.” She wondered if her parents had spent as much time with her name. She frowned with thought, they must have driven by a grove of willow trees on the way to the hospital.
“Well I still don’t have anything.” Tara smiled thumping her hands on the table. “But I did like thinking about her.”
“Oh.” Willow was curious and wanted to hear her thoughts. “Tell me what you’ve been thinking about.”
“Well I was thinking about sharing her with you.” She smiled at the thought of the three of them together. “I just love the image of you, holding her and rocking her and reading to her and all of the other things we do right now. Oh… did you feel that?” Tara felt her daughter move in her belly.
“Yes,” Willow answered. “But it wasn’t a kick. What happened? What did she do?”
“I think she kinda rolled. Come here.”
Willow jumped up and knelt in front of her wife, her knees knocking the legs of the chair. Tara lifted her top to reveal the taught skin of her belly. Willow couldn’t resist the sight and rubbed gently as she placed soft kisses on her skin. Tara sighed with pleasure as a wave of motion spread across her belly. Willow could hardly contain her excitement.
“Baby, this is so amazing. It’s like watching the waves on the ocean.” Willow tenderly rested her head on the skin of her belly. She could feel the motion and the moment overwhelmed her. Tara felt the tears roll across her flesh and she lifted Willow’s face.
“Next to loving you,” Tara confessed. “This is the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had.” She tried to be strong for her wife, but the moment was too powerful. They held each other tightly as they wept at the joy their love had created. The wonder lingered endlessly between them. Willow heard the rumble of Tara’s tummy and giggled against her skin.
“Hey, I don’t need two of you bouncing on my bladder.”
“Baby, maybe you should eat your salad. I’ll get you something to drink.” Willow poured a glass of juice for her wife and water for herself. She'd taken to drinking mostly water, as at some point of every day she found herself rushing to the bathroom from morning sickness. She stopped cursing the idiot that created the term, as it hardly ever happened in the morning.
They quietly ate their lunch and cleaned up the dishes. Tara was humming a song, but couldn’t think of the name. She looked to her wife for help.
“What is this song?” She asked as they walked into the living room. “It’s just stuck in my head and I don’t know where it’s from.” She eased herself down scooting back into the comfort of the couch.
“John Denver,” Willow chuckled as she flopped beside her wife. “You’ve been humming that song for days. I laugh every time I hear it. Something about sunshine or something like that. Why?”
“So you don’t know it?” She asked seriously. “I must have heard it as a child. Will you go online and find it for me? I’d like to hear the words.”
“Sure I’m still logged in baby.” Willow boasted about her wireless technology. She grabbed her laptop from the kitchen. It searched quickly and found a lyric site. Tara read them as the audio file downloaded. She started the song in her player. They followed the lyrics with the song as it played.
Tara started to cry. She did remember the song. It had been years, but she knew it and it warmed every bit of her heart.
“My mother sang this to me. When I was very small. When she and I worked together in the garden.” She closed her eyes at the memory of her mother. Sadness consumed her as her thoughts shifted to her father. “Before my...before he made her stop. We would talk about how the earth worked together with the sun and the moon. But, in the song he’s singing about the joy
his sunshine brings.”
“I understand that kind of joy.” Willow cleared her throat in an attempt to prevent her tears from flowing again. “I feel that every time I look at you. Every time I close my eyes and imagine you holding our daughter I’m filled with joy.”
“Go to that baby name site would you sweetie? Do a word search for
brings joy.” Willow typed and clicked and found the site. A list of names came across the screen.
“Baby,” Willow gave her wife a smile. “I like it. What do you think?” Tara leaned to her shoulder.
“I think its perfect. It’s Hebrew. Hmm... interesting.”
“Abigail.” Willow said it over and over as she rubbed Tara’s belly. “Abigail Maclay-Rosenberg. I think its perfect. Just like you and just like her.”
“So then Abigail it is.” Tara smiled as she pulled the computer from her wife’s lap.
“Wow…do you realize what you just did? You just named our daughter. You hummed a twenty-year-old song and named our daughter. I really think you're going to be very good at this.”
“Very good at what?” she grinned bashfully.
“Being a mother.” Willow leaned in for a kiss.
“You think so?” She questioned. The response surprised Willow and she focused her attention on her wife. She closed the computer and put it on the desk. She turned to face Tara.
“I know so.” She knelt in front of her wife. Resting her hands on her legs, she slid tightly in between them.
“I wonder sometimes.” She confessed the fear she’d been hiding. “I didn’t have a peaceful and safe childhood.” She looked away in shame. Willow quickly touched the soft skin of her cheek guiding her back to meet eye to eye. “I hid from the world and myself. When my mom was alive I could always find safety, but it never lasted very long. They always found a way to hurt us.” She hardened her face as she thought of the taunting and brutality she’d suffered at the hands of her father and brother. “I’m afraid Will.”
“Afraid of what.” Willow moved beside her wife placing her arm tightly over the blonde’s shoulder. She gently guided Tara’s head to her lap and splayed her golden tresses across her thighs.
“I’m afraid I won’t know how to love her like my mom loved me.” She spoke the words, finally making her feelings real. She surprised herself with the confession. “I’m afraid of the anger I feel for my dad and my brother. I just don’t ever want to hurt her. I don’t want them to hurt her.”
“Tara.” Willow was tender, but firm. “You could never…and they will never… and I would never let them … I’d die first. NEVER! It’ll never happen.” The tender words of the red head had escalated to a protective anger. Like a mother bear to her cubs, Willow was out with full claws bared. “They’ll never get close enough, to either one of you, to hurt you. I promise.” Willow placed one hand on her wife’s belly as the other trickled through the strands of her hair. “I love you and I promise we’ll be safe and together.”
“When you say that.” She turned to face her wife. “I believe it. I believe that you would die to protect us. I just pray that we never have to find out.” She paused taking in a long breath. “I’m sorry.” Tara turned away.
“Don’t!” She pulled her face so they were looking into each other’s eyes. “Don’t ever apologize for telling me your fears. They’re real and honest and telling them to me is important.”
“Important how?”
“Important because as long as we share how we feel, we’ll never be alone. Nothing will come between us… the three of us.”
“WOW!” When she looked at Willow she could only see safety and love in her face. “How did you get so wise?”
“I dated a really smart girl once.”
“Only once?” Tara interrupted.
“Well after the first date she stole my heart.” She leaned in to kiss her wife. “ I haven’t been the same since.”
“Oh that’s good!” Tara smiled. “How’s it working for you then?
“Never better.” She pulled her in tightly. “In fact, I’d like to show her, exactly how well things are working.”
“Oh…really.” Tara smiled through their kisses.
“Feeling adventurous?”
“With you…always.” She grinned as they snuggled tightly on the couch.
“Close your eyes.” Willow reached for a book on the side table.
“Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl…” She started to read from the Disney princess collection. Tara giggled most of the way through as Willow altered the stories to accommodate their love. Every moment was tender and gentle. Every word made her feel safe.
And in the end they all paid property taxes and put their trash to the curb.
TBC
and
Urn of Osiris
_________________**
WILLOW: Because social phenomena don't have unproblematic objective existences. They have to be interpreted and given meanings by those who encounter them.
MIKE: Nicely put. So, Ruby, does that mean there are countless realities?
Voice your opinion about Tara www.petitiononline.com/Tara/petition.html
at: 9/20/02 4:41:03 am
but in a loving and happy way 
at: 9/21/02 4:50:59 pm