FF : RW Season 7.4 : Alienation.

[KathleenWolf]

okay as promised update and now thank yous...



Jenn: handing more rainbow tissues... hang in there it's going to work out we promise... and I wasn't teasing, it will work out nomatter what goes wrong, we promised that



WiccansIlusion: applesauce for sure... sorry about the harness malfucntion we are looking into getting a tougher version from a new company... and we don't mind being odd



Grimaldi: thank you... and the darkness is coming, but I'm not sure it'll be a good thing at all... we couldn't resist making Buffy a demon sitter, after all she's used to killing them not coddling them... the question now is can she convince the Galgora it needs a sitter ... yes the dream is out thank god... now we can get on with healing Willow



Puff: three hours is both along time to keep Buffy at bay and a short time for Tara to do all her work... but we hope it'll be just perfect for some nice cliffhangers ... oh yes highschool Willow is such a cutie we had to have her in there, and the fairy version could soon be our next big project ... I think this thread needs a danger warning now too with all the crash procedures ... glad to see you caught up... no worries we won't be totally dropping the sting of such hypocricy as Giles saying time to share information, but now unless the wish doesn't work the spell is definately something Mads for one would be strongly opposed too



Big Dummy: I pity your poor monitor but I do know your frustration... hopefully they'll start behaving soon



Scout: we are big on the comfort food... cheesy nachos anyone? maybe some raspberry muffins... oh and yes we all know how pissy Buffy can get... but she might surprise you... and the voices, a good thing for sure!



MissQuirky: no outright badness, Willow and Tara together forever promise still in effect yes a very hard experience in Willow's head for Tara but she's in it for the good fight and I think she's adapting as time goes on... and no worries Buffy won't cause that much trouble ... sorry the funeral is so sad, but it would have been a totally heartwretching scene we are sure, especially the 1000's of kittens in the background wailing.. sniff sniff



TheRose24: yes yes we are ... we have our official stamp and everything... you'll have to wait to see how interruptions affects the wish, hopefully won't be too long till you get an answer



... sidenote definately going to have to get sturdier harnesses we can't have falling rainbowmittens... shaking head... get me harnesses are Us on the phone!



little wicca dude: here you go, brand new and stronger safety helmet harness and rope assemble... more cliffhangers ahead



funkyasian: we are big on the updates I think you are right on the money, anything to help Willow... she'll just need a bit of calming down... ahh very good questions... but really nothing in the world other than the interior of Willow's brain is affected by this wish... as Tara is wishing it on herself... she and Willow will simply be 'asleep' for the three hours while internally she tried to reset the stuff put askew by the magic overload... there is no ramifications in the real world other than how Willow is when she wakes up... either more together or her same torn up self... thus no worry of blow up in terms of molten sunnydale or vampy anyone



Miss Calender: first thank you for your input... the Mads/Buffy question is still very much in debate but of course it would not overshadow the W/T love... as for our take on magic you pose some really interesting questions... and I don't want to say too much about the definitions we are applying to say but hopefully we've managed to pull together a plausible set of circumstances as they story unfolds... we're very against the idea of dark being bad and light being good magic, so that is definately one theme we are sticking too... both are necessary and usable.. hope we explain ourselves through the story more



VampNo12: we think the friendship between Anya and Tara was always something assumed but never shown on the show, despite her demonness we don't think Anyanka wants to see Tara do anything foolish... and yes poor Willow is the pawn, sorta like a child in a custody battle where all parties think they know best... and the seperation of magic and body is something that we've wanted to explore for awhile, especially after the comment by Riley's girlfriend about magic consuming the physical... hopefuly the solution we come up with will both surprise and please you



Spazz07: the three hours is sorta a ruse as you'll find out in the latest update... Buffy gets there much before the time ends but I don't think she's going to react as everyone is anticipating so much., but yes it is a bit hypocritical of her, but shes going to feel really bad about that promise.. and thank you we tried really hard to keep the dreamstuff scary but not too incoherent to understand, so glad you liked it!... and Beth is a huge 'Alien' fan so we couldn't resist the parrallels... alot of what Willow has gone through is so insanely sad you wonder why the girl is functioning at all, and as you said though difficult stuff that Tara needed to see and be able to relate too



MadeinNZ: good crash helmets are good and of course chocolate chip, we have the chewy and the regular for dipping in milk if you like so glad we could best your expectations makes us happy writers... Tara is the hero so it is completely appropriate.. and no worries Buffy isn't that much of a mad woman ... bondage jokes, mmm anyone want to field that one?... and you're right the answer is in there



Forbidden Magician: laugh... I know I couldn't help being attracted to Faith so thank you for your input... oh and yes many cliffhangers to come with much suspense... so hang in there



Pixie_Gishmock: you went away and boy we missed you... ... art should so imitate life, but how could Buffy ever find as much as you have? and hopefully we can convince Beth into a little Maffy if not just for us eh? love hugs and meds back



Xita: much with the angst... this is us and weird? is that a good or a bad thing... laugh... we're not afraid of weird so I'll take it as good



Urn of Osiris: no we're totally drug free in our cliffhangers and angst... but so glad you enjoyed it, The Rainbow Writers wild Willow dream ride hasn't ended yet either... and I predict that there will be no 'bad' fall out from Dawn, for once any apocolypse is not her fault



LeatherQueen: yes the angst is gone up by 1000 degress... but its all for the purpose of fixing poor Willow's pain filled brain so hang in there... I suggest keeping the heavy duty harness on... Definately going to need it



Loco2: the dream has a good three peices left to it ... and the updates are coming in pretty regularily I think... hopefully once Tara gets used to the atmosphere she can start finding some solutions... can I say you're a really good cheerleader the gang is on their way, well arrived with this update and the heat is going up another notch... we LOVE the inbetween stuff... sometimes we feel some of the best lead ups in the world have been missed... and since this is our season much inbetween ... laugh and no worries I noticed that our posts must have overlapped... that Anya what a scampy



Kalita: mmmm shatter the necklace... we hadn't thought of that



Amymlc: very mmm disturbing but interesting dream? now you know what I have to ask... do you mind if we use Oren as a name for a character? its destiny after your dream



Mollyig: thank you... we tried really hard to portray Willow's inner mind believably but still so that you could actual follow the hints and clues... and I think once the other half of the gang see how good the wish could turn out they might be more than willing to give it a chance... we thought that with all the special effects thrown around that s6 should have shown us a better display of why Willow shortcircuted as she did, so glad we could fill out the image... so glad Dawn's growth is starting to be visible more and more, after all she has had alot of influence from Tara and when the rest of the world is acting like infants you know its just time to have your say as the adult



Tulipp: most definately needed to incluse the forget spell Willow did on Tara, as her problems though very complicated by the holes in her magic are still based in grief and guilt and shame... so happy you liked the portrayl ... we thought it was also important to bring in Willow at her purest physcial form in terms of magic, and it gives Tara that chance she would otherwise never have to connect with the most scared Willow of all...



tiredsoul: no worries... we'll take that line as a compliment all the way... you hit the nail on the head the 'some girl' is now Tara's lifeline to getting her Willow back



singgirl: thank you... we do try hard to make our stuff emotional and cathartic...



Miss1234kitty: welcome back! many updates, sorry about the cliffhanger... laugh... well you might be right Dawn and Willow are definately on your side on your mads and xander assessment ... thank you for your input, we know it's hard sometimes to picture two characters together... though personally I'm glad we sold you on Hazel as I write her too



TesniStryngefyre: riveting... thank you hopefully you'll like the rest of this ep



Centauri2002: actually for the addiction we prescribe lovely treats and comfort food from our expansive buffet table... applesauce and cookies are favorites to accompany Alienation... I think shots of liquor and ice cream were the big favs for Gift of Sorrow... so please help yourself... Beth bakes some of the cookies herself... mmmm nice blanket keep that nice and tight after all this is a RWriters fic



whew... I think that is everyone up to date... apologies for being slow with the updates but Beth and I usually get in a writing flow on the weekends cause we have more time together and I tend to get neglectful of the rest of my duties... though good news we have finished Alienation and are already into Ep 7.5... god we're sadly obsessed with writing arne't we?



to my beloved... who inspires me the desire in me

kath



ps: i'm going to edit on my lunchhour so hopefully another update today

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."

To The Land of The RainbowWriters

[funkyasian]

great update...love the anya taunted buffy...i can actually see that in my head...lol



can't wait for what happens in the dream sequence...



steph

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. ~ Oscar Wilde

[Loco2]

oooh, another possible update?

"I'm not gay - I'm just Trevor's bitch." - some drunken guy about his sexuality
"Oh, bugger off, you BROLLY!" - Anya to Giles on his use of the english language
"We'll all be a lot happier without the constant whining....Mom, Buffy, Tara, Waah" - DMW to Dawn

[KathleenWolf]

Loco 2: yes should be another update today sometime for sure... I'm editing my little heart out as we speak ... so hang in there... next up is more dreamstuff



funkyasian: well we all know Anya enjoys having the upper hand and being immune to everything but Buffy guilting her definately puts here there



okay back to editing for me

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."

To The Land of The RainbowWriters

[Soul Unity]

Kath & Beth,



You two are simply amazing. The ME writers would be lucky to have 10% of your combined talent. Thank you both for sharing your beautiful stories with us. I am truly sorry I haven't thanked you sooner.





The RainbowWriters: The Fan Fiction Tag Team Champions of the World!



-Unity

When Love Is True, Two Souls Become One - Soul Unity

Edited by: Soul Unity at: 8/12/02 10:12:48 am

[funkyasian]

oh oh oh...you go with the editing...and i'll be sitting here at work (and not really working) eagerly awaiting the update...



steph

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. ~ Oscar Wilde

[little wicca dude]

hey guys



thanks for the safety rope helmet ensemble, now i'm ready for the next update, cant wait !!



luv jill xx

"did i just say that? did i just say that too?"

My Scooby Page

[KathleenWolf]

Soul Unity: Oh my thank you so very much... we do try our best to write believable and enjoyable stories... so your kind words are very appreciated (oh and I love the title )



Funkyasian: now come on coporate *insert country name here* needs you to be working... not like me editing at work and dragging down the Canadian Goverment hopefully another update soon



little wicca dude: you're very welcome... we've got cool rainbow stickers for them now so you can colour code yourselves as RainbowMitten cliffhangers... okay i'm almost done work and i'm tired forgive me for being silly!



back to working/editing

k

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."

To The Land of The RainbowWriters

[WebWarlock]

Wow what a trip these last few instalments have been!



Really rooting for Dawn here!



Excellent stuff. Looking forward to the dream stuff.



Warlock

-----

Web Warlock

The Other Side, home of Liber Mysterium: The Netbook of Witches and Warlocks

"Na dean fochmoid fainn!"

[xita]

Thank god for Dawn. She set things straight and actually gave facts. I hope they leave Tara alone now. She had a good reason they should have trusted her but I guess they don't really trust it really is Tara back ...

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Childie -"Not all girls are raving bloody lesbians, you know!"

George - "That's a misfortune of which I am perfectly well aware."

The Killing of Sister George

[LeatherQueen]

Oh wow... finally everyone knows almost everything that everyone else does. Well... almost. Can't wait for more dream updates.

--------------------------------


"But when they're playing your song on the jukebox in Hell, you might as well dance." - K. Simpson


"Futile... like a FOX, baby!" - Tara in The Late Shift by wiccachica

[MissQuirky]

Well that didn't go sooo bad!! A lil, well a lotta yellin from Buffster and Anya. And Go Dawn 4 settin em straight, bein more of a grown-up then the rest of the bunch!! I'm just glad Buffy didn't go all ka-blew-y and break down the door, and screw up W/T!! Can't wait 4 more!!

"Don't warn the tadpoles!...
I-I have frog fear."

[spazz07]

I loved Anya standing up against Buffy last part, i often felt she took too much crap from the scoobies i'll add a little go Dawn in playing the mature adult here, even if it did include hearing her loud pitched voice Really loving this and can't wait to see the next part inside Willow's head and how Tara reacts to everything she learnt last time.



Cheers

Nath

If life was meant to be a bed of daisy's we'd have chicken crap thown on us all the time.

[Amymlc]

________________________



Amymlc: very mmm disturbing but interesting dream? now you know what I have to ask... do you mind if we use Oren as a name for a character? its destiny after your dream

_________________________





Nope..I don't mind at all. I like the name Oren (sometimes spelled Oran...but that looks to much like orange to me ) The dream was very....uh.... interesting that's for sure. I just couldn't believe that I dreamed about someone I have never met....anyway..



Have I told you how much I love this fic? Well, I do, even if I have weird dreams about it. I wonder what the dream means psychologically....maybe that I'm insane? HEHE Good job on your story ladies!!

They were right, I'm a homo--But I'm a Cheerleader

[oneinten]

wow now there's a crazy dream sequence! That was really great ladies (yes Goddesses..). I thought it was great how we got to see different points of view of some of the previous events in willow's life - the night she made Tara forget, getting wheeled away and strapped down, when Tara was buried (which of course was never mentioned). You guys are truly amazing.



I also like how Anya finally wanted to help Tara and stuck up to Buffy.



Am looking forward to more dreamscapes..



kath

[Loco2]

um...is it update time, yet?

"I'm not gay - I'm just Trevor's bitch." - some drunken guy about his sexuality
"Oh, bugger off, you BROLLY!" - Anya to Giles on his use of the english language
"We'll all be a lot happier without the constant whining....Mom, Buffy, Tara, Waah" - DMW to Dawn

[Miss1234Kitty]

Ooooh, nice update. I'm glad Anya finally told Buffy off. It wasn't HER light, it was THEIR light and she's selfish. Besides Willow and Tara are a much better light. *pout*. Silly Buffy. It's a good thing she's a big W/T shipper or I might get mad. And you don't want to see that. It's a scary sight.



I said it's scary! Stop laughing!



*pouts again*. See, they laughed at me. Now you have to update to make me feel better.



Gem

Tara: There's just so much to work through... and can you just be kissing me now?

[KathleenWolf]

WebWarlock: well I do think anyone's dreamscape would be trippy if you were visiting... so glad Dawn has someone in her corner



Xita: I think 3 months of helping take care and keep Willow alive, Dawn has bound to grow up and learned how to get herself across... as for trusting Tara, I think that's a big lesson they've all learned from this



LeatherQueen: yep pretty much close to full disclosure... now for the dream time



MissQuirky: no not too bad... much yelling, much upsetness but easily calmed down when she knew everyone was safe and well that there was still uncertainty with the wish



Spazz07: I think you're right, especially since now she's got the powers to exert her informed opinion... okay her voice isn't that squeaky anymore, puberty's giving her those low sultry tones without it being criminal



Amymlc: well thank you we'll see if we can do it justice... and no worries I feel odd enough when the characters show up in my dream... hopefully I looked like Angelina and Beth looked like Amber



Oneinten: we definately wanted to touch on all the big moments that would have hallmarked all the guilt and shame that Willow's feels... especially the parts that we'll never see on the show which are sooo important and we have more dreamscapes for you coming right now



Loco2: just for you



Miss1234Kitty: mmmm I believe you, very scary and here is an update to make you feel better



******





“Do you watch these scenes every time?” Tara whispered as she followed the retreating teenager through the blur only to have the scenery change again to take on the setting of the library for a second time.



“Mostly.” The younger Willow walked over and sat down at the table opening a book that was there.



“I’m sorry.” Tara whispered feeling the sadness within the younger girl.



“Why are you here?” She looked up blinking at Tara from her place.



“I’m here to help, to try and help.” Tara replied softy she eased herself down onto a chair at the table



“I don’t know how you are going to do that.” Willow shook her head with long red hair moving in waves around her shoulders. “It just keeps getting worse and worse.”



“As the division between the physical tries to compensate for the lack of the magical.” Tara considered what she had been shown so far.



“The holes are getting bigger and bigger.” Willow nodded that she was right.



“There has to be away to merge the two again but such that the physical cannot use the magical.” Tara pressed her fingers to her forehead and pressed against it hard.



“How can you keep two things like that apart?” Willow blinked at her not understanding.



“Maybe if the magic was reintegrated but sealed.” Tara tried to think harder. “Or maybe…” She stopped suddenly and looked at the teenager close to her. “You said before you could float a pencil.”



“Yeah pretty lame eh?” Willow smiled and cocked her head to the side. “Giles won’t let me do any real spells yet, he says its too dangerous or something.”



“No, no actually it’s perfectly wonderful.” Tara couldn’t help but smile. “Innocence.” She whispered as she looked deep into bright but sad green eyes.



“Innocence?” Willow looked back at her giving a cute confused look.



“Of course.” Tara smiled tenderly at Willow.



“If Xander was here he’d tell you about the time when we were younger that he asked me to play doctor and I went and got a white coat and a stethoscope.” She giggled lightly. “I didn’t know that he didn’t want me to diagnosis him with a stomach ulcer.”



“Oh Willow.” Tara smiled seeing all the qualities that would one-day blossom into the woman she felt so much love for. “I should have known that you would be the answer to your own problem.” She resisted the urge to hug the youngster and instead she reached out and ran her hand over long red hair almost as she would have done if it were Dawnie sat with her now.



“What’s the answer?” Willow smiled at the move though she questioned exactly what the solution was.



“You are.” Tara whispered simply.



“How?” She looked into blue eyes not understanding.



“Because if I am right.” Tara explained slowly working out her thoughts as she did so. “You are the bit of Willow that was never touched by any of this. You’re the innocence she thought she had lost and the salvation she feels she doesn’t deserve. You are hope, forgiveness, past and future, you are Willow. But you got lost, in all of this.” Tara glanced down at the book Willow was reading the illustrations making it clear that it was an account of the nightmares. “Willow lost you, you lost yourself.”



“She lost you.” The younger redhead summed up. “We waited for you our whole life and then you were gone.”



“Someone you love with all of your heart is never truly gone.” Tara shook her head. “I bet I’m here, somewhere.” She glanced up and around the library. “In fact.” She suddenly pushed up out of the chair excited by the prospect. “I bet its all here.” The blonde’s blue eyes sparkled.



“I can show you were you are.” Willow perked up and grabbed Tara’s hand dragging her gently back towards the stacks.



“I was hoping you were going to say that because I have an idea.” Eagerly Tara went along with the youngster her brain in overdrive.



“This is you.” She went to a back corner that was lit by a firm dreamy beam of light coming from glass in the roof above. “All of them are you.” A tall bookcase was filled with pale brown leather bound books.



“All of them?” Tara glanced up and down the bookcase.



“Starts up there when we met you.” Willow pointed to the topmost book. “And then down there were all our dreams.” She pointed down to the bottom.



“And the books on the table Willow, are they all the bad things?” Tara asked carefully.



“No, that’s the index.” The redhead frowned.



“The index.” Tara repeated slowly.



“There are other books... books with magic in them.” She looked towards the dark corner at the other end of the stacks. “All the ones she took when she went to the shop.”



Tara’s eyes scanned the room quickly easily picking out the rows dark books.



“And what s that.” Tara pointed over to a fairly large white cage in the side of the room close to the front doors.



“That’s where Giles keep the weapons and the really dangerous books.”

Willow followed her eyes to the tall metal area.



“Do you have a key?” Tara pushed gently.



“It sitting in the door.” She pointed to the small gold key that was sitting in the lock.



“Willow, I need you to listen really carefully.” Tara turned slightly so that she and the teenager were looking at each other’s eyes. The girl nodded that she was. “I have no way right now of proving anything that I think but it’s all I can think.” She said carefully. “I think that to make Willow better to make all of this stop, we need to bring you and the other Willow together.”



“But she never comes here.” The younger girl shook her head.



“I guessed that which is why its probably going to mean you having to be really brave and coming with me to find her but before we do, there’s something else I want to try.” Tara reached for the young girl’s hand.



“Okay.” Willow agreed though her voice shook a little with worry.



“We don’t have much time, but if my theory is right when we join you and Willow back together your essence will give Willow back her magical spark. Which means those books.” Tara nodded to the dark books. “Will have there dark potential restored.”



“The books are dangerous though.” The younger Willow worried.



“They are, which is why we’re going to do some rearranging in here.” Tara gave the younger Willow an assured smile.



“Oh I get it, you want to put all the blank books in the cage so they are under lock and key.” Willow smiled her quick mind catching up. “You are smart.”



“Not as smart as you.” Tara smiled back.



“There’s one book that’s not here.” Willow frowned suddenly.



“Is there?” Tara looked up. “What book?”



“Rack’s book.” The teenager shivered.



“Why isn’t that here?” Tara frowned.



“When she stopped doing magic, when she got everything in control she put it in a different place so that it couldn’t hurt her anymore.” Willow explained. “I can show you where. We should move these first.” Willow decided on an order to their plan. “Then we can go after the last one and her.”



With a nod Tara began to move, before stopping and looking at the younger Willow.



“Can I make a personal request for another change though.” She asked with a soft smile. “I’m going to need a much bigger book case.”



*******



okay maybe more later

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."

To The Land of The RainbowWriters

Edited by: KathleenWolf  at: 8/12/02 1:28:02 pm

[Loco2]

oooh, inside willow's mind there's a huge library... isn't that shocking?



thank you for the update!



so they're peicing willow back together.... very clever i wonder if they will have enough time.... or if DMW will stop them.....oh, the possibilities!



thanks for an intriguing update,



steph

"I'm not gay - I'm just Trevor's bitch." - some drunken guy about his sexuality
"Oh, bugger off, you BROLLY!" - Anya to Giles on his use of the english language
"We'll all be a lot happier without the constant whining....Mom, Buffy, Tara, Waah" - DMW to Dawn

[LeatherQueen]

That was great!! Only Willow would have her mind cataloged AND indexed. Lovely update!

--------------------------------


"But when they're playing your song on the jukebox in Hell, you might as well dance." - K. Simpson


"Futile... like a FOX, baby!" - Tara in The Late Shift by wiccachica

[MissQuirky]

Aww its just soo sweet that younger Willow is helpin Tara out!! And Willow's mind a Library, very interesting! I hope those 3 hours is enough time 4 Tara n younger Willow to work out the plan!! Can't wait 4 more!!

"Don't warn the tadpoles!...
I-I have frog fear."

[Puff]

“Can I make a personal request for another change though.” She asked with a soft smile. “I’m going to need a much bigger book case.”



Ok that's perfect. Go Tara and Willow they have a possible solution. This is great I hope they have time.

-----------------------
You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

[VampNo12]

Exciting updates ladies! I did get a kick out of a taunting Anya (especially when she orb back and forth from outside the shop to inside the Magic Box). Thank god for Dawn being the adult in an intense situation by relaying Tara's dream, and the reasons for her fears (in regards to the spell). Hopefully the gang can now put aside their different factions, and work honestly together to help Tara if her wish fails.



As for the second part I too loved that Willow's mind is a library, this just fits Willow so well. And I love how both younger Willow and Tara are working together to "fix" Willow. With this in mind, the idea of merging the two (ie younger Willow, her "innocence), but having the "magic reintegrated but sealed" is a great idea. Hopefully, Tara and YW willow have time to find Rack's book (so all the dangerous books are under "lock and key"), and therefore, can go on to their next hurdle and find the other Willow.

[Grimaldi]

great update figures that Willow would have a library in her mind. like young Willow and Tara's idea about putting all of the dangerous books in the cage and locking them up. the bookcase about Tara was cute.

Dude, we're surrounded by perverts!

Fucking Windows 98, get Bill Gates in here!

[Wolflord]

Awesome update Kath and Beth you guys are awesome. I love that Tara can figure out just exactly what Willow needs to get better. I think you two put together a terrific story and one that I would rather read than watch the real show. I check everyday to see if a new update is up or not. I confess....I am a Rainbow Writer addict and damn proud of it. I do hope that 1) Tara will be able to help Willow, 2) Willow finally realizes that being a geek is not bad, 3) and I personally hope that Willow can go back to casting spells ...personally I thought that the show forced the black magic on us and I thought Willow's use of light magic could have led to even better stories, 4) and of course more Willow and Tara interaction....smut and non-smut love their little talks you use. Anywho, keep up the good work and can't wait til the next update.



_______________ WOLFLORD __________________

Sometimes I think of them doing spells and I do a spell myself. Xander in Restless

[MadeinNZ]

Innocence. This is such a fabulous concept. I genuinely have no idea where this story is going next (which either means you're keeping me guessing or I'm totally stupid - I'm going for the former).

------------------------------


"When someone falls for Willow, they stay fallen" - Normal Again

[Jennpurr]

Quote:

---

“I can push you all I want because, I can do this.” Anya zipped out of existence reappearing inside the shop. “Na na na na naa.” She called mockingly.

---

OMG... that part was so frickin hillarious. Hee... that is so something Anya would probably do.



WOW... okay, four amazing updates I had to catch up on. I really hope Buffy will not go and interrupt Tara and Willow and I hope they have enough time to complete what they need to. I loved how Tara knew exactly what Willow needed to help her. Very cool. And I love the fact that she has the younger version of Will helping her. I just hope it all works out the way she needs it to. Please??



Okay... I'm sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting for more. Absolutely lovely, ladies. Thank you.



Jen

* * * * * *
Quotes from Melissa Etheridge on 8/10/02, in The Woodlands, TX

"I've been to every, one of Melissa Etheridge's concerts! ... No, really, I have!"
"THAT, is a bat! ... Hey, does it have a ticket? ... It doesn't have a ticket!"

[KathleenWolf]

just cause everyone has been so dedicated with the story and comments today... here's the last update for today



more dream tomorrow



******



They walked together into the training room as a group, none of them spoke, and in fact no one even bothered to reach out and put the light on as they walked in. Buffy noticed the large room was very partially lit with a familiar blue glow and then with a sad smile she realised where the light came from. The blonde Wicca who lay still beside Willow had been thoughtful enough to bring with her the small night light and the musical bear from their bedroom to be a comfort to the redhead in this familiar but possibly not ‘safe’ location. Again Buffy felt a stab of self-anger and self-disappointment as she faced the doubt if she would have remembered such a small detail.



‘Oh sometimes you are such a fool.’ Buffy broke away from her sister and the others, walking to encircle Willow and Tara on their makeshift bed. She shook her head sadly to herself. ‘I’m sorry Tara.’ She whispered to the blonde in her mind. ‘I should never have thought to doubt you.’



Slowly she made her way to draw up beside Madalene, who had drawn off towards the back corner.



“Just how bad do I feel now.” She whispered in the Spellcaster’s ear.



“If you feel as bad as I do then I think I owe you an apology as well for ever encouraging you.” Madalene was surprised when the Slayer’s warm breath waved over her neck but as she heard the words her heart sunk lower.



Buffy watched as her sister moved and knelt on the floor closest to Tara, Dawn reached out and stroked a few strands of golden hair over and over. A little way behind them Xander moved closer to Anya and put an arm around her. The demon for once didn’t move or flinch; rather she leaned further back and tipped to lean her head on the carpenter’s shoulder. Giles, who was the last to enter, stood awkwardly at the door.



“I think I need to get out of here.” Buffy whispered again.



“Do you want company?” Madalene turned slightly as she asked the question.



“Do you feel inclined to stay and watch such a display of obvious adoration and devotion, not that that is what’s making me feel so bad, its just you know...” Buffy tried to explain her voice never above a whisper.



“Yes, I know exactly.” Madalene nodded her voice barely audible either. “But if you want to be alone.”



“I don’t think I do.” The Slayer admitted.



“Let’s go.” Madalene took in a soft breath as she looked at the sleeping pair on the floor.



Buffy and Madalene crossed back quietly to the door. The Spellcaster explained to Giles their plans to go out and at least try and find the Galgora demon. While at the same time Buffy slipped over and briefly explained to her sister what she needed to do.



“I’ll be back by the time the wish is complete.” She vowed to her sister, giving the teenager a brief hug before moving away.



“Take care of yourselves.” Giles wished them well with soft words and a nod.



******



Madalene hadn’t really expected there to be much conversation as they left the shop and turned down the back alleys of Main Street. She felt a disappointment in herself right now that she was truly ashamed of. All she ever tried to do was preach temperance and contemplation, but in a moment of trial she had succumbed as quickly as anyone to the irrational pull of her emotions as they launched her into mistrust and deception.



“Are you all right?” As she looked up and caught the forlorn look on Buffy’s face she couldn’t help but ask the gentle question.



“I have no right to be.” Buffy kicked out at a small pebble and sent it skittering down the sidewalk.



“I’m sorry, most of this is my fault. You had every right to be upset this morning.” Madalene objected.



“No, it’s not.” Buffy shook her head.



“I might have had a rite to be upset but I never had the right to doubt Tara.” Buffy shook her head and sent another rock chasing after the first. “She’s been back less than a week and she’s put her life into the hands of a demon she doesn’t remember, made a vengeance wish she didn’t know existed to enter the mind of her girlfriend whose pain is breaking her heart.” She shook her head.



“Makes the power of true love seem invincible doesn’t it?” The Spellcaster questioned with a sigh.



“And makes me feel like an idiot.” Buffy sighed harder.



“You’re not an idiot.” Madalene shook her head. “You love them both, you were just trying to do what you thought you could to make things better.”



“And in doing so I ignored the one person who possibly knows best. God how blind am I Madalene, you just have to look at Will when she’s with her to see the positive effect Tara has on her.” Buffy shook her head also.



“None of that negates the importance you have in both their lives Buffy.” Madalene frowned more as the Slayer berated herself.



“I know the problem.” Buffy admitted with a sigh.



“What is the problem?”



“I don’t want to need her.” Buffy admitted the hard truth.



“Because you needed her before and she went away?” The Spellcaster slowed down at stopped watching the nuances in the Slayer’s body language.



“It was hard to admit with Willow’s grief being so deep, so hard.” Buffy took a sharp shallow breath. “But I missed her so much.” She sighed. “She kept everything together in her quiet assured way. I could talk to her, Dawn worships her. She was our kingpin and then…” The Slayer’s head dropped.



“Then she died and you were mad at her.” Madalene gave a sad smile.



“She shouldn’t have been there.” Buffy could hardly believe the words coming out of her mouth.



“She was.” Madalene didn’t bother arguing the semantics. “And that she was and that she died isn’t your fault or hers.”



“Everyone I need leaves me.” Buffy looked for a moment like her whole world was breaking apart.



“It’s allowed to hurt, it’s allowed to feel like you can’t breathe because the pain is so overwhelming.” Madalene stepped closer as slowly as she could manage.



“Why does life have to be so fragile?” Buffy looked up into Madalene’s face as the Spellcaster came closer.



“I don’t know.” She shook her head and frowned. “Maybe so that we appreciate those around us more, know to love them a little bit more bravely.”



For a moment it might have seemed like the Slayer was going to move herself forward, asking silently for the Spellcaster to embrace her but at the last moment Buffy pulled back and moved away, her eyes scanning the sidewalk for the pebbles she’s kicked earlier.



“I don’t know how brave I am anymore.” She admitted in a whisper.



“You are brave.” Madalene stayed in place having seen the moment of choice before the Slayer shied away from her. “Bravery is not all about fighting and saving the world, sometimes its very much about letting go of control.”



“But what if to keep control is the only thing I have known how to do for the last three months, what if it’s all I have left?” Buffy asked honestly.



“Maybe now that Willow’s grief has a conclusion it’s time for you to deal with yours.” The Spellcaster knew she might be pushing but she couldn’t hold back. “You never mourned her, you never mourned any of this I bet. You’ve been too busy keeping everyone and everything together.”



“And I still have too.” Buffy seemed to notch up her resolve.



“Yes, but there has to be time for you in all of this or you are going to be eaten up from the inside out.” Madalene met the Slayer’s resistance.



“We have Tara back, when I get Willow back then…” The Slayer paused and looked up at the Spellcaster. “Then you have permission to say this to me again and make me cry.”



“I’m going to hold you to that.” Madalene nodded and gave her a slight smile. “I will even use ice cream and sappy movies if necessary, be warned I can be ruthless.”



“Not Beaches.” Buffy warned with a sad smile.



“Oh yes Beaches.” The Spellcaster’s resolve was firm. “Maybe even Steel Magnolias if you don’t crack.”



“Thank you.” Buffy said softly, she reached out and placed hr hand around Madalene’s arm. “You’ve walked into this crazy world and without a thought you embrace all we throw at you.”



“Crazy seems familiar somehow, makes me feel a little more like I belong.” She whispered reaching up to put her hand over Buffy’s.



“You do belong.” Buffy assured her.



******

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."

To The Land of The RainbowWriters

[LeatherQueen]

It's good to see Buffy finally owning up to some of her feelings. It's going to be hard, but I think eventually she's going to need to break down those walls she has around herself.



Great update!!

--------------------------------


"But when they're playing your song on the jukebox in Hell, you might as well dance." - K. Simpson


"Futile... like a FOX, baby!" - Tara in The Late Shift by wiccachica

[funkyasian]

woohoo!! 2 updates. so happy. i never wanted buffy to feel so bad...just that she realizes tara knows best when it comes to willow. but i suppose whatever works.



oh the other hand, i knew tara would figure out how to get willow back...



great updates...



steph

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. ~ Oscar Wilde