Fic: Pathways and Patterns (Sequel to This Look of Love)

[Lola19]

Ooooooohhh!! Been busy for a few days and i come to find this!!! Yeay!!

I loved this! They are so cute as a family! And the mile high mind conversation! I like it!

Looking forward to more lovely goodness

Love n hugs

Louise xxx

[willntlover]

NO!!!! You can't leave it there!! I want o see Willow go off on him!



Well, i just want to know what happens. Willow telling Donnie off would just be cool as hell.



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

[pacou]

Awesome update! But that Donnie



Hope he is not going to cause too many troubles because I dont want to see Abbey scared



But that was great! And as the others said: The different colored pens



Looking forward to the next parts!



Thanks, Urn



-Viv-

Well, we can answer questions.
Tara - Checkpoint

Dont dream it, be it.
Rocky Horror Picture Show

[Urn of Osiris]

and to you all this lovely morning.



WOW! Many thanks to all of you for reading. My little fingers were typing madly last night. Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your feedback.



I should also thank the wonderful supportive beta readers that helped me through some very awful pages. "I think I can...I think I can...I think I can... You know who you are and I'm grateful for your time.









mollyig - Oh abbey and the very bad wardrobe. I have so many images of her raiding the closet. A five years old girls dream. I hope the path this takes explores that very road. They're my little triangle of love. Thanks for reading.



saule77 - OMG, Thanks. It makes total sense. But then I wrote the orange/chicken thing and that one made a few heads spin. So happy to hear that you like Abbey, I'm trying to make her every bit of two awesome women squished into one tiny girl.



umadamber - He he he, Chickens/and oranges. Now you got it and that makes me giggle. Oh the chicken/orange thing worried me so.



Ashley - Kids are so straight forward and abbey is so precocious They'd just have to give her the truth. Plus she's got a bit of Willow's over protective nature. Yes back to Oregon. Back to what made Tara the cool woman she is. Hope you enjoy the ride.



Tara22 - I'm so excited to hear that you like the family I've written. Oh I had to do something with the crayon. It's a gimmie.



pacou - Thanks, I'm so glad that you liked the second part. I love to watch kids play dress up. I can just see her in all her glory rummaging through that wardrobe. Well she's clever because she is encouraged to explore.Thanks for the Rock-y-ness of them. I think they rock too. I think every child tends to want to bring everything on a trip. The nature of the beast. More is on the way.



OK so this would be the Chapter 3 replies.



BV - Oh we'll unfortunately have more of Donnie the ass. Sorry. It'll be awhile though.



saule77 - Yes Donnie the ass. He carries all the family hate now. Oh you are so correct. The will is going to be a problem for all of them. Updatey goodness is coming right up. Talk in your head all the time. Boo Scary lol



Tara22 - Donnie is the big ass in this fic. He's just as responsible for Tara's pain as her father. The prick. Well I wanted them to be able to communicate as a family without words. You'll see why.



Miss1234Kitty - That sig quote is from IWMTLY. One of the funniest A/T conversations. Be careful talking in your head all alone like that you might go mad.......



Holly - Oh you like the way I've written them as a family. I'm so happy. Thanks. I think as things unfold you'll se how easy it is to teach hate, but it's alot of work to teach compassion. Ohhhh that might be a bit too reveal-y of me.



Missquirky - A light chapter to spread a bit more Maclay-Rosenberg love before I dive into my attempts at angst. Hope you like the ride.



Mollyig - Different colored pens is so science-y Willow would totally encourage the behavior. Tara is going to take us on a trip through her past. Hold on tight.



Lola19 - Oh thanks for catching up. Mile high conversation. LOL I like that. Much more family time ahead.



wilntlover - You'll have to wait a bit for Postal Willow. She's supporto gal for now, but when the time is right oh he'll get what's coming to him.



pacou - I know but Donnie can't be a nice gut. He wasn't raised that way. The girls are going to protect Abbey I promise. She'll never be alone. Oh she just HAS to do the different colored pen thingy.



OK I got you all in here. Whew *wipes brow* I'm being a bit of a slacker. Chapter 4 is on the way.



Chow for now



Edited because my spelling sucks and spell check isn't working

Urn of Osiris
_________________**

"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses."
— George Washington Carver "Bite me Harris." Anya Beneath you
Voice your opinion about Tara www.petitiononline.com/Tara/petition.html

Edited by: Urn of Osiris  at: 10/2/02 5:31:18 am

[Tara22]

now you got me excited!!!



can't wait for more!!!

Tara: Every time I... even when I'm at my worst, you
always make me feel special. How
do you do that?





Willow: Magic

[Urn of Osiris]

Title: Pathways and Patterns



Rating: PG for now



Feedback: Go for it. This is for all of you not me.



Archive: Copy, cut, paste I don’t care it’s all for pens anyway. No one in my house wants to read it.



Summary: This fic is the sequel to This look of love. You may want to read that first for some of the inside jokes and setup.



Author’s Note: This will not be an Angst free fic. It will be an exploration on Tara and her past, as I see it. So from this point forward I'm winging it. Hope you enjoy the ride



Copyright Disclaimer: Joss and Company owns all the characters. But they are alive and happy here. So that's all I need to say. Mostly because I want to be nice.

Enjoy









Chapter 4









“This is the Bennett family plot.” She walked toward the flagstone grave marker. “This is my mother. Elizabeth Alexandria Bennett Maclay.” She sat beside the marker on the ground. It was a jagged flat piece of stone. No fancy carving marking her final resting place. In fact, it appeared to have been scratched into the stone by hand.



Abbey and Willow walked over to Tara. They looked down at the stone marker. “Baby, did you mark the grave yourself?”



Tara’s eyes filled with tears. She traced her fingers over the awkward etchings. “Yes… my father put her here because it didn’t cost him any money.” She remembered the fight over cremation as the cheapest thing to do. But once it was said and done, Elizabeth had prearranged her own burial. She somehow knew it was the only way she’d be buried in the family plot. “He never marked it. Never came back to this site. At least not while I lived here.” Abigail leaned over the stone and traced the name with her fingers. She smiled at her mommy and crawled into her lap.



“It’s very beautiful Mommy.” She wrapped her arms tightly around Tara’s neck. Willow knelt down beside them, slipping her fingers down the length of her lover's arm she grasped her hand tightly.



“Yes, it’s the most wonderful way for a daughter to honor her mother.” Willow ran her hand along her lover's chin cupping her face, kissing her tenderly. She turned toward her daughter, “Abbey, let’s go find some wildflowers and put them here for Gramma.” They held hands tightly. She kissed her wife once more pouring all her strength into the weary blonde. “Take some time with her." She looked at the stone marker. "We’ll take our time looking.” They exchanged a knowing glance and walked off toward the woods surrounding the cemetery.



Tara sat in silence. The gentle breeze swept the whisps of hair across her face. She gently tucked them behind her ears. Her hands trailed across the ground picking the ragged weeds from around the stone. “Oh Momma, I miss you so.” She suddenly felt like a teenager again. Every bitter and painful memory of her death played like a horrible movie in her mind. “It wasn’t your time. If only you hadn’t gone.” She shook her head dropping her face to her hands and collapsed in tears. “I know it wasn’t my fault, but it still hurts, knowing how much you gave up…for me.” She'd been away for so long. Eight years of mourning came pouring out across the ground. She closed her eyes trying to force the memories from her mind.



She turned toward the other headstones in the Bennett family plot. Slowly one by one she brushed away the fallen leaves, rubbing her hands over their names etched in stone. “You were my family. Goddess I miss you all.” She sat on the cold hard bench. “I think you’d be happy to know that my life is really very wonderful.” She leaned against the cold metal of the bench. “I have a beautiful wife and the most amazing child. You’d be proud of her. She’s strong with her faith and her heart is so kind. I’m teaching her everything…just like I promised Momma.” She turned back toward the haggard stone marker. Looking at it broke her heart. “Just like I promised.”



“Mommy,” Abbey burst through the iron gate. “We found these.” She thrust a handful of pink weeds towards her mother’s face. The dirt covered roots still dangling from the bottom. Tara smiled brightly, laying them across the stone of her mother’s grave. She kissed her fingers and rubbed them across the name. She said good-bye and they joined hands to leave. Tara noticed a young woman standing across the cemetery. She looked at her wife. “I’ll meet you at the car.” Willow scooped up her daughter and carried her to the waiting vehicle. Tara slowly approached the young woman.



“Tara?” The short brunette called her name. “I never thought I’d see you around here again.”



“Brenda.” Tara gave a tiny smile. “I honestly never planned to return. I’m really not welcome here am I?”



“No. I guess not. But you should be visiting her. I don’t think many people do.” She looked at the gravesite then looked back at Tara. “I see you have someone now.” She looked toward Willow and Abbey. “Is she yours?”



Tara looked at her wife and daughter. “Oh yes. Willow and I are together. We have been for a very long time. She is our daughter. Her name is Abigail.” Tara smiled as she said their names. Happiness covered her tense disposition.



“So then you heard about it?” Brenda began to explain the nature of her father’s death. Filling in the gaps of the past eight years. Tara was shocked to discover that her father had abandoned the family house. The idea of the beautiful country house crumbling to waste broke her heart. The brunette explained how Mr. Maclay was found two days after a massive heart attack. It was sudden and the town gossips swore it was a vengeful curse. No man as strong and healthy as he would just drop dead. She was also devastated to hear that she hadn’t been contacted sooner. He’d been buried more than two weeks ago.



“Donnie didn’t want you to know. He knows the contents of the will. He knows everything and you better be careful.” The warning caused Tara to shiver. She knew how cruel he could be and eight years of anger seemed to be bottled up inside the man.



“What do you mean? What’s in the will? How do you know so much?” Tara knew that news traveled quickly in a small town, but a will is private and no one should have access to it.



“Tara…you and I were friends.” She reached for the blonde’s hands.



Tara hesitated waiting for an explanation. “We were.” She looked at the waiting red head.



“I’m a clerk for the attorney that’s handling the estate. I’ve seen the will.” She stepped in closely to hush her words. “Everything you’ve ever known about you father is a lie.”



Tara pulled away from her friend forcing her away. Her last words were frightening and she wanted to end the conversation. “Why did you come here?”



“To warn you. Donnie won’t let you have it all. He swore he’d get everything.” Fear smothered the face of the brunette when she spoke his name. “Everything that filled your father with hatred is in him. But he’s worse. He loves nothing. Not even his own flesh and blood.” She turned to walk away leaving the blonde with even more unanswered questions.



“We’re at the hotel in town.” Tara yelled as she walked from the cemetery.



“I know, everyone knows you are here. Go to the reading and get out of this town. Nothing good is left here.” The brunette walked from the cemetery leaving Tara alone with more questions than before. She slowly turned to walk to her wife.



Willow waited with open arms. “Are you okay?”



“No I really don’t understand anything that’s going on in this town.” She shook her head in the shoulder of her wife. The redhead traced along the length of her spine gently easing the tension. “Let’s just go back to the hotel. I’d like to take a bath and do something NOT depressing.” She tried very hard to smile, but it was awkward and forced, a gesture that the redhead noticed immediately.



“Baby…you can be afraid and angry or whatever. I love you and we’re here together. We’ll get through this and then we’ll go home. Remember that this place has no hold over you…not anymore.”



Tara smiled at the confidence bubbling over in her wife. That strength would get her through all of this. She hoped it would all be over very soon.



Abbey pushed the car door open. “Um…Mommy can we go? My tummy is grumbling a lot.” She gave an innocent but famished smile as she rubbed her belly. She’d been so protected from the hate that festered in this small town Tara knew she’d hear a lot of questions from the tiny blonde.



The car ride back to the hotel was not a silent one. Abbey flooded the car with thousands of observations. Nothing made sense to her and now her mommy was unusually silent. She tried to listen to her mind, but Tara had slipped into a deep meditative state.



She cleared her mind of every question. She knew that she’d have to wait until tomorrow for answers, but some of the things she’d learned at the cemetery hurt. The pain flooded her and she forced it all aside. She needed to rest, to get rid of it for a while.



Willow pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. As they made their way through the lobby, the man at the front desk looked over at the women whispering to the boy beside him. The boy ran over to Tara and handed her an envelope.



“You’re Tara Maclay…right?” He looked down at the floor never making eye contact.



“Maclay –Rosenberg yes. Why?” Tara looked over at the front desk. The man had moved into his office and closed the door.



“This was delivered here a little while ago. She said you should go home.” He turned quickly and returned to the front desk.



Willow pulled herself closer to her wife. Abbey reached her hands forward, trying to see what her mommy held in her hands. Tara flipped over the envelope and pulled it open. A key poured out into her hand as she pulled the letter out. “I think we should read this in our room.”



“Oh, you’re probably right.” Willow lifted Abbey into her arms and carried her down the hall. She opened the door and they sat together on the bed. Willow fumbled with the key in her hand as Tara read the letter.



Tara,

You should go home. A lot of answers are waiting there for you.



She turned the paper over. No signature, no mark as to who it could be from. She looked at her wife hoping to find answers, some queue as to what they should do next. Tara reached for the key. She wondered if it was to the Bennett house. Could that be where they should go?



Willow watched confusion flood her wife’s face. “Baby, why don’t you go take a bath. Abbey and me are going to go get some tummy goodness and bring it back here for dinner.”



She reached for her daughter. They kissed the blonde and walked toward the door. Tara gave a forced smile and lingered on the bed. She stared at the key. Trying to decide what she should do..



Tara filled the tub pouring in a blend of sea salt and essential oils. Abbey occasionally mixed them as experiments but they were more useful for relaxing baths.



She turned out the lights cracking the door just enough to allow the sun to shine through. She dropped the weight of her clothing to the floor and slid into the steaming shallow of comfort. The heat of the water simmered the oils filling the room with the scent of lavender and lemon. Her body slowly released the tension of the day.



She reached for the key on the counter and rested it on the side of the tub. Her mind wandered to the family house. It belonged to the Bennett family and now she, Abbey and Donnie were the last of the Bennett line. Her mind raced with ideas. What did that mean? What did any of it mean?



She stared at the key, knowing that if it was to the Bennett house that she needed to go there and find answers. She had so many questions that needed answers.





TBC

Urn of Osiris
_________________**

"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses."
— George Washington Carver "Bite me Harris." Anya Beneath you
Voice your opinion about Tara www.petitiononline.com/Tara/petition.html

[barnabasvamp]

Urn;

Thanks for the update!

Again, excellent.



We all knew Donnie would be up to something , and you're makin me a wee bit nervous about her fathers will and stuff.

Waiting for more......

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

[mollyig]

Lovely that Willow knew Tara would want some time alone at her Mother's graveside.



Brenda's warning, coupled with the delivery of the note and key seems very ominous, or am I just being a suspicious Molly?

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[saule77]

And another brilliant update from you, Urn...

That scene at the grave was so intense... Tara carving her Mum's name on the stone...

Her Dad was such a big meanie



You know, after finishing it, my imagination went completely out of control and I thought I'd share my madness...

Willow and Abby walking down Main Street, wind blowing the autumn leaves acrosst the street. No sound. They walk into a diner, all conversations stop and every customer in the place turns to stare at the two of them, menacingly.

"Go home, there's nothing there for you..."

"You're not welcome here..."



This is so getting out of hand... *shrugs*



We had asserted my mental instability before, right?



Anyway! Love this fic and please, don't take it where I took it!



Snuggles

"You are Willow Rosenberg, vixen-y lighter of the flame and keeper of my heart.”

(Camp Flutie by Rane)

[Grimlock72]

I just hope/pray that Tara doesn't go to that house alone. That would just be asking for trouble (i.e. Donny)



Tara wouldn't forgive herself if she severly harmed/killed Donny. I would though Donny ain't a bright boy, so it's kinda unlikely he'll give up. Maybe Willow can point him in the right direction, heh.



Just get the will-reading done, collect whatever is in that will and get the hell out of that town.



Grimmy

"Why w-w-would anyone leave Willow?" It was a concept Tara just could not grasp. -- I Dream of Thee by Jomarch

[umadamber]

Great 2 updates



I wanna know whats in the will and I have a sneakin suspicion that Donnie's gonna be pissed if he starts anything make Willow give him a bosh!!!



Sorry MissKitty for not repying earlier, very rude of me but my sig is from IWMTLY as Urn say's and it just cracks me up, especially Tara's expresion's

Anya: Anyway, I took the money from working for Giles, then I tripled it.

Tara: Triple? Like first money, then money, money, money?

Anya: Yes, I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope

[Tara22]

ooo! next part! next part!!



It's so good!



Poor Tara, but at least she has Will and Abbey...



loving the story!

Tara: Every time I... even when I'm at my worst, you
always make me feel special. How
do you do that?





Willow: Magic

[Urn of Osiris]

Hello all. Oh I'm so happy the board is back up. Woo Hoo



OK so here is chapter five.



** Warning - This brings up a bit of Tara's past so for some this might be angsty. Just a warning.



Remember I'm a big wimp when it comes to icky badness and the family



All the previous disclaimers Blah blah blah.....



So here goes........





Chapter 5



Abbey skipped down the hallway of the hotel. Swinging the room key card in her hand. Willow followed behind her carrying their Chinese takeout. Abbey counted the numbers as she skipped along, reaching her destination she forced the card into the slot and heaved the door open. Willow trailing behind bumped it with her butt and followed her in. They peeked into the bathroom, looking for Tara but she was gone. The room was silent and empty. They looked around the emptiness of the space. Abbey moved toward her Mom carrying a letter in her hand. Together they unfolded the hotel stationary.



Willow,



I went to the Bennett house. It’s 8014 Kaskey Road. I drew a map for you. Eat dinner and meet me there. I love you. Don’t worry I’m protected in that house.



Tara



Willow folded the letter and felt anger boil up inside her. Tara had gone alone unaware of what she might find. “Abbey, Mommy went on an adventure without us, lets go find her.” The little girl grinned and nodded grabbing the food from the hotel tabletop and her science bag from the floor.



***



The bright green Speedy Cab pulled up the long stretch of gravel leading to 8014 Kaskey Road. The dust from the parched rocky trail floating through the air, left a haze that clouded the drive. The cab stopped in front of a towering country farmhouse. In its glory days it must have been a spectacular sight. The tattered front porch sloped forward from the door. Most of the latticework surrounding the frame hang decayed, dangling from rusted nails.



“Lady, you sure you want me to leave you here?” The cabby reached his hand back to collect the fare.



“Yes, I have a key. I’ll be fine.” Tara pushed the cab door open. “Keep the change.”

She closed it and slowly stepped across the chipped and decaying pathway to the house. She cautiously lifted her foot to the bottom step. Pressing gently to test its strength. It held her weight, so she stepped again. She noticed the splinters of paint that had chipped away from the sides of the house. They’d collected in the corners creating hiding spots for tiny insects. As her foot pressed down the motion forced them from their spaces. She slowly made her way to the front door. The screen was loose on its hinges as she pulled it open. She pushed the key into the lock of the dead bolt and opened the door. The creaking sound echoed through the rooms, like a lost soul in a cavern searching to escape. She stepped across the threshold, shocked by the emptiness of the space inside.



She slowly moved through the huge living room. The large fireplace in the corner that once warmed the space, now lay blackened with soot and neglect. There was nothing in this room. No trace of anyone or anything. She moved down the hall passing the staircase, running her fingers across the dust-covered walls leaving tracks with her nails. Tara remembered running down the hallway being chased by her father. He was always angry, and she was always his punching bag. She flinched as she remembered being forced against the harsh edge of the chair rail. Her fingers trailed across the dusty wood. Its hard edge caused so many bruised ribs, she often wondered if it was there to torture her tender skin. She made her way into the kitchen. The bright yellow linoleum, cracked and worn, crunched beneath her feet.



The cabinet doors dangled from their hinges, as though a tornado had ripped through the space. “Donnie,” She determined it must have been his handy work. She wondered what was so important that he would destroy the room.



Tara stepped to the corner toward the pantry door. She reached almost by instinct to unlatch it. The sound of the metal hook scraping against the surface of the wood flashed images of being forced into the shadowy place. She pulled open the door releasing dirty child hood secrets. Hate, fear, self-loathing, and pain, it was all inside this space, the crush of emotion pushed against her very being. She fought to catch her breath under the wash of memories. There was never a safe place inside this house.



She’d been so completely swept away, by the deep feelings of love over the past eight years; she’d forgotten the intensity, how painful the realities of her childhood had been. She walked inside the cramped space. It seemed so small, it was different then she remembered. She sat on the floor inside and splayed her fingers under one of the shelves. Tara pulled out a tattered floorboard, and reached inside the hole, pulling out a small leather pouch. She reached in again, this time pulling out a book. Leaning against the wall of the pantry, she opened the pouch. Tara poured the contents of the pouch into her hand. The sun shining through the window cast a glow through the crystals in her hand. She moved out into the kitchen and laid them on the counter, and opened the leather journal.



“TARA!” The sound of her wife echoed in her mind. “What are you thinking?” She could sense the anger in the redhead. She brushed her hair behind her ear and bit her lip in an attempt to ease her tension.



“Will?” She knew it was, but she shyly questioned.



“Of course it’s me, who else would be inside your head?” The irony of the conversation brought a smile to the blonde’s face. “And stop smiling cause I know you are right now.” Tara hid her smile then realized there was no one there to witness it. “What are you thinking going off alone?”



“I’m fine really. I did a protection spell. Nothing can hurt me here. I made sure of it.” Tara thought about the violence that took place within the walls of the house. It was never a safe place for her. She’d been powerless her entire childhood and she was determined to never live in fear like that again. “Are you on your way?”



“Yes, your daughter and I are not far according to your map.”



Tara breathed a sigh of relief knowing Willow was on her way. She also struggled with the idea of explaining her behavior. She’d abandoned her wife and daughter to chase after the ghosts of her past. Her mind focused again on her book.



Her fingers trailed across the hand-tooled leather. She remembered the day her grandmother gave it to her. She was nine and the love she felt on that day was the happiest she’d ever been until the day she met her Willow. She untied the leather strapping that held the book together. The binding had weathered forcing pages to fall from their position in the cover. She carefully shuffled them back into place. Tara turned through the pages, painfully reliving the days before her mother’s terrible accident; their final moments together, their final entries in her book of shadows. Tara slipped the binding strap around the cover, carefully placing the book in her shoulder bag. She gently placed the sparkling crystals back into the pouch slipping the strap around her neck.



She walked through the kitchen toward the only room in the house she’d never wanted to enter. She turned the knob forcing the door open. The darkness in the room was suffocating. The shades were drawn tightly preventing every attempt of the sunshine from entering. For the first time in her life she willingly crossed the threshold of the room. She forced the drapery open allowing the direct light of the Goddess to fill the room. The cavern was brilliantly illuminated, the space of her father’s office no longer strangled her, and she felt free. She’d released an inner demon in one simple act. She walked from the room out to the hallway looping back to the stairs. As she started to climb she heard footsteps creaking across the front porch.



“Tara?” She heard her redhead calling her. “Baby are you here?”



Tara turned toward the door. She stepped from behind it and captured her girls’. Until that moment she hadn’t realized how alone she’d been in the house. “Hi.” She gave a sheepish grin hoping to avoid a serious scolding.



“Mommy…you shouldn’t go off on adventures without us.” Abbey forced her bottom lip forward giving Tara her best Maclay-Rosenberg pout.



“I’m sorry sweetie girl.” Tara offered her a regretful face hoping it would soothe the unhappy child. “I just needed to be here alone for a little bit.”



Willow frowned, grabbing her by the shoulders forcing a direct connection with her angry green eyes. “Don’t do that again.” She shook the blonde then pulled her in tightly confused by her own reaction. “This place is wrong Tara. This town…it’s just wrong.”



Tara looked down at her daughter and turned back toward her wife. She nodded in agreement and moved toward the stairs. “I have to go up here. Someone sent me here and I need to find out why.”



“We’ll all go together.” Willow stepped toward the staircase. The floorboards of the weathered hardwood creaked under every step. Abbey stepped between them and they climbed up the mountain of steps.



“This is where you lived as a little girl?” Abbey squeezed her mommy’s hand. “It’s really very scary to me. I don’t really like it in here.”



Tara looked down at her child. She remembered the same feelings at her age, but there was never an opportunity to escape them. Her mind wandered to a conversation she’d had with her own mother.



They’d spent the morning practicing. After every exercise in Wicca, they’d mark their experiences in a book, their book of shadows. A tradition of their faith, it kept a history of their personal growth in the ways of religion. The book held a lifetime of personal secrets. Until that moment, she’d forgotten about her mother’s own works. She knew exactly where it was hidden. Her eyes brightened at the memory. Her blood pumped through her veins forced by the racing of her heart



She kissed her daughter hard on the forehead and bounced up the stairs. Willow and Abbey paused in shock and raced after her. Tara never hesitated. She pulled on the chain that dangled from the ceiling in the hall. A dusty ladder dropped from the open cavity and she pulled it to the floor. A cloud of thick dust spread throughout the narrow hall as she carelessly climbed up into the attic. It was dark. Tara leaned over the edge looking at her family as they started their climb.



“Abbey do you have a flashlight in your science bag?” Tara jumped back from the opening to allow them entry.



Abbey reached into the pack pulling out her camper’s light. She cranked the handle charging it with power, and slipped the case open, converting it into a small but powerful lantern. Tara led them to a dark corner of the room. The ceiling was unfinished and the open rafters trapped the heat of the day. It was dry and dusty everywhere they moved clouds formed beneath their feet. Tara handed the light to Willow and reached behind a cabinet on the floor. She used her entire body to force it from its resting place. As it moved away an opening in the wall became visible in the glow of the lamplight.



Tara reached inside. Her face frowned as the feel of years of cobwebs attacked to her hand. She pulled her arm back and swiped them from her skin. Abbey reached to feel them with her fingers. Tara gladly obliged. Willow smiled with pride at her daughter’s curiosity. Tara reached in once more pawing inside the cavity of the wall. Her fingers traced over a metal surface. A sharp smile spread across her face. She fumbled for the handle of the box and pulled it from the cavity.



It was an old grocers strongbox. Tara figured it came from her grandfather’s store and her mother used it for safekeeping. The lock was strong and she tried to remember where the key was hidden.



“Come on.” Tara leapt from the floor and raced toward the ladder. She quickly climbed down and ran back into the kitchen, grasping the strongbox tightly. Willow and Abbey worked quickly to keep up with her pace. Tara set the box on the counter and threw the pantry door closed. She reached for a piece of loose trim work in the corner. She wiggled it loose revealing another crevasse in the wall. Her fingers wiggled inside. She closed her eyes as she felt the key against her skin.



Willow and Abbey just watched in awe. Tara looked like a child on Christmas morning charging through the house searching for hidden treasure. She crawled from the corner and charged toward the counter. She placed the key beside the strongbox and her hands began to shake.



“Tara, maybe we shouldn’t open it here. Why don’t we take it back to the hotel? It’s starting to get dark.” Willow picked up the key and slipped it into her jacket. Tara grabbed the handle and dropped the box alongside her leg.



“Good idea. It’s getting late.” Tara grasped her daughter by the hand and they walked from the house. Tara locked the front door and closed the screen door over it. They slowly climbed into the jeep. Tara looked once more at the house. It was beaten and worn. It held nothing for her any longer. It was just a shell, a vacant cavity of misery. They started the car and she never looked back.



Behind the front porch a young woman stood smiling with satisfaction. Her plan worked to perfection. Satisified she slipped her hands into her pockets and walked behind the barn. She climbed inside her dusty old truck slowly following the midnight blue jeep Cherokee.





TBC

Urn of Osiris
_________________**

"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses."
— George Washington Carver "Bite me Harris." Anya Beneath you
Voice your opinion about Tara www.petitiononline.com/Tara/petition.html

[Grimlock72]

okaaaay, lets NOT visit that house again. EVER.



Now who would want those items Tara picked up ? They're likely not valuable (money wise) and mostly magic related. Which begs the question if they couldn't have been found using some magic in the first place.



I wonder if Tara is allowed to keep those items (legally), what would happen if that young woman who spied on thim talked to who-ever handles the will ? What's so special about those items anyway ? Most of the value would seem to be emotional, assuming her "mothers works" would also be a diary of spells and stuff like that. Who would want those ? Donny surely isn't interested in anything like that, he wants money and property.



Thank God this story is updated fast, heh... better for my nails and such :-)



Grimmy

"Why w-w-would anyone leave Willow?" It was a concept Tara just could not grasp. -- I Dream of Thee by Jomarch

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 10/4/02 11:45:29 am

[LostSoul]

Urn,



What can I say. This rocks!



Go Tara!



Can we arrange a Donnie castration?



Hmmm. No?

[MissQuirky]

Woo Hoo I had 2 updates! Well they were both great! The freakiness of that house was just... freaky! This person in the end bout their plan workin and everything, who is all w/ the sneakiness is also very freaky!



I Loved Tara at her moms grave... very emotional! Abbey carrying around a science bag is just too adorable! Comes in handy w/ darkness cos of the flashlight, i'm sure it helps out for other things too. But still its soo cute!!



Can't wait 4 more!

~Ashley~

Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens. But it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know... insane.
Tara: I said quirky.

[barnabasvamp]

Urn;



Well done...I thought your "vision" into Tara's past was just awsome. Then you turn around and add in such cute things as the science bag and Willow talking to Tara in her head and knowing about the smile



What could be in that strongbox??



Waiting for more.

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

[Tara22]

oh wow! more more more!

this is so good! I love all the mystery in it!



go you!!!

Tara: Every time I... even when I'm at my worst, you
always make me feel special. How
do you do that?





Willow: Magic

[Urn of Osiris]

and to you all



So glad you all made it through the house but we're not out of the woods by a long shot.



Just popping in this morning to reply to your very encouraging words.



BV - so happy you're enjoying the story. Yes, Donnie has some serious issues and some unfortunate plans. I promise many answers so stick around. The will is coming soon.



Molly - I SO love your scribbles. You should spend your entire day on the bus. Well get off long enough for updates then get back on



I have always imagined that Tara carried the loss of her mother for everyone. Her heart is so unselfish that way. I also believe that her father lived two lives until the truth of their magic was revealed. This is all unfolding for you in future updates.



Her mother's grave marked death in more ways than one, hopefully that came across.

Be a suspicious Molly, trust no one!!!



saule77 - WOW, that's alot of smilies. Thanks. The grave marker was her way of taking a stand against their brutality. It is so much more than a headstone.



Thanks for sharing the madness. Have you been raiding my hard drive. *checks firewall, wipes brow* Get out of my head!



Grimmy - Sorry grimmy by now you know she went alone. I think it's important for her to know she has the inner strength to confront her past, without a crutch or a shield.



umadamber - So excited you liked the updates. The will...hmmm wonder what's in it. I should write that soon. For now, Willow is riding the wave of courage that Tara found when she returned. But not to worry, the firey red head will get her moments too.



I have to agree with the IWMTLY scene. I just LMAO every time I watch it. Can that girl act or what? Go Amber!



Tara22 - So happy you're loving it. Yes Tara does have her family to get her through, but she also has moved beyond the fear that beat her down as a teen.



I'm working on the rest. Thanks all for your feedback. Just makes me want to keep going.

Urn of Osiris
_________________**

"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses."
— George Washington Carver "Bite me Harris." Anya Beneath you
Voice your opinion about Tara www.petitiononline.com/Tara/petition.html

Edited by: Urn of Osiris  at: 10/5/02 6:10:56 am

[mollyig]

Tara going off without Will or Abbey. I think maybe she felt she should enter the house alone, as she wasn't sure how she would react to facing her past. She's bested the demons of her past now, her only focus was on retrieving the good things from her childhood - memories of her Grandmother and Mother.



Lovely that. Thanks.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[MsTizzyFantastico]

Urn-

Just dropping in from lurkdom to tell you how wonderful this fic is. I started reading it a while ago, when it was angst free, and you write the Maclay-Rosenburg family so well that even with the angst I'm sticking by. It's just nice to know that people in Pens at least care enough to have our girls' best intrests at heart. Loving the story, and looking forward eagerly to see how Tara gets through the trauma of her past with her new family's love and support.

A Lesson To ME: "Death cannot stop true love. It can only delay it a little while."- The Princess Bride

[Lonewolf22]

Urn of Osiris: I just got caught up with this great fic, WOW, who is the woman that is following them? And what is Donnie's problem? What is in the will that is so valuable?



I love Abbey, she is just the cutest little thing, so curious and full of life, just great. I love the way Willow and Tara have raised her.



I got a little teary-eyed when Tara visited her mother, and you're right her family would be very proud of her and the family that she has now. I can't wait to read more.



Lonewolf



P.S. I didn't say this before but "This look of Love" was awesome.

[Urn of Osiris]

Wow the weekend really went by quickly. I planned to put this up earlier but time just flew.



So here it is, and I'm working on the replies right now.



Enjoy



Chapter 6



The ride back to the hotel was very quiet. The hum of the car played like a sweet song lulling Abbey to sleep. It usually didn’t take more than five minutes in any vehicle but this one just offered a tranquil vibration.



Tara mindlessly flipped the handle on the strong box back and forth, the weight of the metal pressed into the firm skin of her thighs.



Her mind wandered back to the haunting spaces of that old house. Her body remembered every evil touch against her skin and her soul toiled hard to erase it. Stepping into that place stirred emotions she’d long since buried behind the strength of Willow’s love.



Abbey’s sweet innocence led her to that hiding place. She thanked the Goddess for guiding their way. The moment for such discovery may have slipped by forever, but the five year old lead them to her mother’s possessions. She watched the innocent child sleeping in the back seat of the car. She turned toward Willow offering a knowing smile.



Being in that house opened the floodgate of memories. She’d survived and championed the one place that haunted her gentle soul. Tara’s hand slipped from the cold steel of the box searching for the tender alabaster flesh of her ladylove. She glazed across her slender fingers caressing the softness of her skin delighting in the sensation of every stroke of her hand.



Willow turned her attention briefly to her lover. recognizing the spark of passion in her eyes. She turned into the parking lot of the hotel. Their hands parted as she turned off the car. She slid her forehead to the steering wheel, breathed a sigh and waited in silence.



“You’re still angry with me?” Tara’s voice echoed through the hollow of the car. The decision to go off alone was reckless and selfish, but at the time she considered it the right one. “I’m sorry, we should have talked before I ran off.”



Willow turned to look at her sleeping child. Then focused her full attention on her wife. “We aren’t safe in this town.” She widened her eyes. For the first time in a very long time she was afraid for their safety. “Everyone knows who we are. What we are. When we walked into the restaurant earlier some idiot used some serious words and freaked Abbey out.”



Tara’s eyes opened wide then dropped to her lap. Willow cupped her chin staring boldly she scolded, “Don’t! There is nothing in this town that should make you crawl back into the shell of the woman you were here.”



The words reminded the blonde that they weren’t safe if they were divided.



The fiery red head continued, “Abbey knows we’re lesbians and understands the magic of Wicca.” She leaned back into the comfort of the seat. “We’ve worked very hard to live our faith. She understands our love for each other and doesn’t care that we are both her moms.” Willow tenderly stroked the soft skin of Tara’s cheek with the back of her fingers. “What we have as a family is precious. It’s once in a lifetime. So never look down in shame. I’m not ashamed. Nothing that feels this good could ever be wrong.” Willow held her wife with her eyes. She was angry, but she understood why Tara needed to go home.



“I won’t go off alone again. Not here.” She trembled as she touched the warmth of her lover’s hand. “It was a mistake. I’m very sorry. The last thing I ever want to do is frighten you.”



“Tara, we live in a community the accepts who we are. They don’t tolerate us, they really just accept the people that we are.” She moved her hands back to the steering wheel pushing hard against it shifting her tension in the seat. “But here in this place, I’m not welcome because I love you. I’m a wicked sinful creature and the only thing they want to do is get me out of here. We remind them of their fear. I’m not ashamed to be your lover, but in this town, I’m afraid for us, for you, but mostly for Abbey.” Willow looked at the sleeping child. Tara followed her eyes and smiled at her innocent slumber. “No child should be surrounded by such ignorance.”



“Will, I know.” Shame flooded her expression. She held her lover’s hand feeling the energy of their passion awaken her courage. “I’d forgotten how much hatred flows through this town.” She turned toward the window. She pulled her hand from her lover’s and traced her fingers across the metal box. “You know I didn’t leave this town because I was gay. I left because they blamed me for my mother’s death.” Tara spoke the harsh words. Guilt flushed through her soul forcing a childhood full of sorrow from her eyes.



“Baby, stop. I don’t want to have this conversation here let’s go inside. We’ll put Abbey in bed and finish this talk.” Willow opened the car door and lifted the child from her seat. The tiny blonde wrapped herself against her mom and they walked in together. Tara flipped the science bag over her shoulder and carried the metal strong box with both hands.



They fumbled through the room searching for light settling for the one in the bathroom. It gave them just enough to tuck Abbey into the cozy soft comfort of the bed. They double latched the door and walked out onto the balcony. Tara sat exhausted in the plastic chair and watched as her stunning red head stepped into the moonlight. Willow crouched in front of the blonde slipping her hands across the length of her thighs. Tara sighed as their bodies made contact.



“I made a decision this afternoon. When you were gone.” Willow focused her eyes directly on her lover, slowly slipping between the firmness of her legs drawing herself tightly into the warmth of her body. Her hands lingered along the edge of her hips dancing slowly toward her waist. “I called Buffy.”



Tara pulled away quickly. “Why? Will… we’ll be fine. Do you really think we need a slayer here?” Tara pushed away from their embrace. “It’s just another day. We’ll settle the estate and we’ll go. I don’t want to be here any longer than we have to.” She leaned back into the chair.



“You walked out of here today. You left us here…alone.” Willow’s voice cracked as the final word moved through her lips. It was the one fear she always carried. Every moment they ever shared was shrouded by the fear of losing her lover forever.



“I’m sorry.” She pulled the redhead back into her arms. “I had to go there. You have no idea how horrible my memories are of that place.”



“See, even more reason for me to be with you.”



“Sweetie, sometimes we have to face our fears alone. I don’t like it, but sometimes we have no choice.” Tara stared out into the moonlit night. The bright white reminded her of the sacred circle in their yard. She closed her eyes picturing the serenity of their place. “My innocence died in that house. I needed to confront that. I needed to release myself from the guilt of being alive.”



“Tara…NO!” The harsh words broke through the serenity of the redhead’s heart. “Guilt why?”



“You know how my mother died. You know that her protection spell saved my life. They blame me for the magic. They blame me for not dying in her place. To the people in this town I will always be a demon. Something to be beat down, something to punish.”



“So then let’s get out of here. There’s nothing here that we need.”



“No Will, we finish what we came here to do. I can say good-bye. I can close the doors and I can be free.” She stared directly in her lover’s eyes. “There isn’t anything in this town that can hurt me anymore. When we go, I’ll never have a reason to return.”



“What about your mother?”



“She’ll understand. We’ll be together again.” She looked into the darkened room. She caught a glimpse of her sleeping daughter. “In a place that embraces love.”



“Okay.” Willow nodded her head shifting her body back into the warmth of her lover. “I’ll tell Buffy not to come. But at the first sign of trouble I’m making the call. Agreed?”



“Agreed.”



Willow pulled away much to her lover’s groans of protest. She walked into the room and lifted the strong box from the table. She carried it out to her lover and placed it gently in her lap. She pulled the key from her jacket pocket and handed it to her wife. Tara slipped it gently into the lock and turned it.



Her body trembled as she lifted the top knowing the essence of her mother was inside.



Her body froze as the scent enveloped her senses, bringing her back to the shadowy corner of the attic. Her mind flashed images of the beautiful woman reading from her book of shadows. Telling stories of her magic and rituals. Every memory played wildly through her mind. Like a warm summer rain, it washed across her soul reminding her that she was once protected. She hadn’t always been frightened. Tara opened her eyes to incredible bright green pools of love. Willow reached forward kissing her tenderly, instantly understanding the treasure inside that strong box.



Tara slowly reached inside removing a book. It was a very old leather journal. She traced her fingers across the cover. As a child she could remember wanting to hold it, wanting to read every entry inside. But for a Wicca, their book of shadowsis private. It holds the very essence of their faith and practice. She never violated that sacred trust.



She placed the book on the table beside them. Tara reached inside the box and held a tall red taper candle. It was her last altar candle; her mother was the last person to touch it, until now. That thought forced tears to her eyes. They flowed like a mountain river after a storm.



Willow reached toward her wiping away a lifetime of regret and sorrow. “Baby, if this is too hard, we can stop.”



“Willow.” The tears flowed freely. She looked with love at her wife and shook her head. “My last image of her is when they turned off her life support. Flipping the switches, her last moments came down to flipping switches.” She pushed the box from her lap forcing it toward the patio table. She walked to the edge of the railing looking out at the night sky. “Every day I live with the memory of her sacrifice.” Tara turned to face her lover. “I know we’ve talked about this so many times, but when I opened that box I could smell her. I could feel her arms wrapping around me, comforting every pain I’ve ever felt. She smelled so wonderful and suddenly she’s alive again.”



Willow moved beside her lover taking her wholly in her arms. Their embrace was instinctive, protective, and resident. In that moment their bodies understood eternity, intertwining to mock the boundaries of paradise. “Look at Abigail.” She turned her face to capture the image of their child lit by the heavenly glow of moonlight. “Tell me you wouldn’t make the same choice for her.” She held her chin bringing their eyes together in a collision of understanding. “You’d give everything to protect her from harm. Why do you expect your mom to love you any less?”



“I don’t. I just never saw it from that perspective. You know sometimes your wisdom blows me away.”



“I think it’s the friction from you, rubbing off on me.” She winked and walked back over to the box. “Is going through all of this too much? Maybe we should stop for tonight.”



“No, we can do this. I’d rather go through this while Abbey is sleeping.”



They moved together to empty the box. Reaching in, they removed every item necessary for a Wiccan altar. Tara smiled at the memory of her mother holding everything that splayed out before them. She pulled out the last remaining item, a beautiful dark blue scarf. She remembered laying it out for ceremonies. She held it to her face smothering herself in the essence of her mother. It was a dark piece of linen, adorned with hand stitched stars and moons, that electrified her with sensory overload. Closing her eyes she remembered their happiness.



Willow watched her lover bask in the glow of wonderful memories. She knew Tara had very few to treasure. She reached her hand around inside the bottom of the box, surprised when she pulled out the last of its contents. The brown envelope had no markings or names. She handed it to Tara.



They slipped together into the chair. The light from the moon illuminated the balcony as they opened the letter. It was a thick packet of papers. The top appeared to be from an attorney. She handed it to Willow, who quickly skimmed through its contents. The next letter was an itemization of the Bennett Family estate. It appeared that the entire estate belonged to the female Bennett family heirs. It was not a fortune by today’s standards, but it included the entire farm. The letters specifically outlined the division of the estate in the event of her mother’s death.



“Will, we need to show these to an attorney.”



“Is there anyone you’d trust in this town?”



“The woman at the cemetery.” She turned toward to her wife. “She’s a clerk for the office that sent me the letter, we were friends growing up, and she can tell us what this means.”



“Are you sure we can trust her?”



“No, but she is the only one I ever did. At least after my mother died.” Tara bundled up the papers and collected the treasures from the box. She moved everything off the small table and wrapped them in the beautiful scarf. “We can talk to her after the reading tomorrow. I’m sure it won’t matter, its probably the same thing we’ll hear at the reading.”



They replaced the scarf and its contents in the box, closed the cover, and locked it tightly. Willow put the papers with her laptop, then made their way to the bed where Abigail had spread her tiny frame across its surface. They smiled rolling her to the side. Tara slipped from her clothes into her nightgown. Willow threw on a baggy shirt. They cuddled tightly together relaxing in the safety of their embrace. Tara closed her eyes; feeling the rhythm of her lover’s heart, beating against her body, a lullaby to her weary soul. Abbey crawled into the arms of her mommy and together they found peaceful slumber.





TBC

Urn of Osiris
_________________**

"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses."
— George Washington Carver "Bite me Harris." Anya Beneath you
Voice your opinion about Tara www.petitiononline.com/Tara/petition.html

[Tara22]

Oh wow! I am loving this! can't wait to find out what happens next!!!

Tara: Every time I... even when I'm at my worst, you
always make me feel special. How
do you do that?





Willow: Magic

[MissQuirky]

Oooo that box came in handy! Those papers are very important and I hope they can trust that woman from the cemetary. She seemed nice but the town is freaky so she coulda been covering her true self - Ok enough of the rambling on. Hope things work out! Can't wait 4 the next update!!



~Ashley~

Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens. But it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know... insane.
Tara: I said quirky.

[barnabasvamp]

Urn;

Way to go. Great update.



I especially liked the way you described Tara's memories of her mom.



More Please?



BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

[WiccansIllusion]

I've been reading this story since the first one, and the writing seems to become much more palpable along the way. The descriptions in this chapter bring out the best I've seen so far, keep up the good work I can't wait to read more

Tara nodded in agreement "She has magic fingers." TheWisdom of War, Chris Golden

'My heart is cleverer then I and it knows what to do.'-MC Legends of the Kiss

[umadamber]

Excellent once again Urn



This last chapter was very touching and Willow was wonderfully strong and understanding for her Tara aww!



And Amber's just the Godess isn't she



Please more updatey goodness soon

Anya: Anyway, I took the money from working for Giles, then I tripled it.

Tara: Triple? Like first money, then money, money, money?

Anya: Yes, I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope

[Grimlock72]

Tara's memories were very touching, as was Willow's obvious need to protect both Tara and Abby.



I say they get rid of that owner-ship paper as soon as possible. They don't really need nor want that house and several people will be pissed that they got the house in the first place.



as for trusting that clerk-lady... well I first want to know who was following them. I like being cautious, besides why not just show the document to the attorney handling her father's will ? Would seem simpler.



Grimmy

"Why w-w-would anyone leave Willow?" It was a concept Tara just could not grasp. -- I Dream of Thee by Jomarch

[mollyig]

Tara revelling in the tangible reminders of her mother, that was really touching. As was Willow's statement What we have as a family is precious. It’s once in a lifetime. So never look down in shame. Lovely!

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls