Well troops here's another round of fic. A bit of a roller coaster. Hope you enjoy the ride.
Title: Pathways and Patterns
Rating: PG for now
Feedback: Go for it. This is for all of you not me.
Archive: Copy, cut, paste I don’t care it’s all for pens anyway. No one in my house wants to read it.
Summary: This fic is the sequel to This look of love. You may want to read that first for some of the inside jokes and setup.
Author’s Note: This will not be an Angst free fic. It will be an exploration on Tara and her past, as I see it. So from this point forward I'm winging it. Hope you enjoy the ride
Copyright Disclaimer: Joss and Company owns all the characters. But they are alive and happy here. So that's all I need to say. Mostly because I want to be nice. Figured I better put this in. I haven't done it for a few chapters.
Enjoy
Chapter 9
“Where are we going?” Nervous eyes darted between glimpses of paradise and the winding path of mountainous terrain.
“Just turn right at the next corner.” A delicate hand shifted toward a rustic twisting barren trail. The red head white knuckled the steering wheel beating down the clumps of grass stretching from the center of the desolate road.
“Tara, wouldn’t it have been easier for you to just drive?”
“For this trip no.”
Willow stared with confusion, following directions; she trekked up a steep canyon road. The drive was beautiful; meandering through the forest, heading up above the tops of the trees. The red head struggled, splitting her attention between the path in front of her and the breath taking sights of the goddess.
“Do you want to stop and look?” Tara smiled noticing Willow’s distracted behavior.
“Yes. Is there a place to do that?”
“Sure. See that gravel bed there? It’s a designated pull off. We can park and get out for a look.”
Pulling over Willow parked in the small four-car lot. She climbed out walking around to meet her wife. She arched herself onto the hood of the car pulling the blonde tightly between her thighs. Tara nestled herself into the warm embrace. They stared out at the endless horizon, taking in the spectacular sight. Tara pointed out some of her favorite spots making note of places she’d been with her mother.
“Can you see that hill over there?” She motioned to the west inching the red head in the direction of her pointing finger. “Mom and I went there all the time. This road was our favorite drive. We’d get lost up here for hours.” Tara trailed her hand further across the horizon. Willow’s chin rested on her shoulder drinking in the sweet scent of lavender she’d bathed in the night before. “Those rocks over there. They mark the entrance to a cave. My mother and my grandmother used to go there all the time. It’s almost like a family tradition. It’s actually part of the Bennett estate.”
“Oh, Abbey would just love to see the cave.” She turned her focus back to the blonde in her arms. “We should have brought her with us.”
“Yes, because she would have wanted to leave Aunt Dawnie and Auntie Buffy.” Tara smirked at the idea.
The Slayer and her sister were able to drop their plans and hop on the next plane. They’d arrived at the hotel early that morning and checked into the adjoining suite. Xander and Anya stayed behind to take patrolling for the night and decided they’d head out the following day. Abigail explained most of the horrible events of the previous day. She and the slayer built a jumbo fort and had a very long discussion about angry hearts.
“Promise me we can take her there.” Willow savored the sweet scent of her wife, tenderly trailing the softness of her neck with the delicate form of her lips.
“Oh yes, we have to take her there. It’s Bennett family tradition. You have to go there too.” Tara turned into the embrace. Standing face to face she raised her brow offering a sexy proposition. “There’s a special place I want to show you.” She arched her brow flashing a sexy half smile. “It’s heavenly and you’ll just faint when you see it.”
“Hmm, a heavenly place that’ll make me swoon?” She offered a wicked grin. “I do believe, that you have taken me to that place, more than a thousand times, my dear wife.” Deep pools of green sparkled against the crimson flush of her cheeks, her mind racing with memories of their passion. The thought of being together…alone…sparked a fire in the very core of the red head.
“Will…it’s not a sexy place. Well it never has been but I’m open to new ideas.” She gave a wink kissing her passionately before returning her attention toward the horizon. “It’s a beautiful place. We’ll go there later, but first we need to finish this drive.” She slowly pulled Willow from the hood of the jeep and escorted her to the driver’s door. “You’re still driving.”
The red head climbed in the seat as the blonde closed the door. Tara padded around the front, stopping directly in her line of sight, to blow a kiss. The red head captured it, tooting the horn in response. Startled by the sound Tara gave a frightened glare. Keeping her eyes focused on the red head she climbed into the passenger side.
“I blow you a kiss and you honk at me?” Tara gave her best Rosenberg pout as she settled into the seat.
“I can’t help it. Tara kisses make me horney.” Her cheeks split with a grin so large it enveloped her face. “See horney.” She tooted it again. “Get it?”
“I got it and if you weren’t so delicious you wouldn’t get it.” She turned briefly toward the red head admiring the
OMG expression on her face.
Willow started the car flustered by the comment, running scenarios through her mind, trying to determine the logistics of making love on the floor of a cave. Images of sharp jagged edges and hard wet surfaces forced her brow in opposing directions. Her inner voice, constantly challenging her libido to
suck it up and just go for it. Tara smiled as she listened to her lover’s mind waging an internal battle.
Tara shot a sexy half smile offering a suggestion. “We could take a blanket from the hotel room.” She looked down blushing at her own suggestion.
Two bright green eyes darted toward the blonde watching a sexy wanting smile grow across her face. “Hey…Hey…inner conversation here. How can I be all sexy coming on to my wife, seducing her in sexy wet places, when she’s listening in my head here?” Willow stopped the car turning her attention toward Tara. “Rules…we have family rules against such behavior. I think I might have to punish you.”
“Oh really, punishment. Wow…what could you possibly do to punish me.” Tara laughed directly in her face; Willow grasped her chin focusing an evil glare into her eyes.
“Monopoly…with Anya. Need I say any more?” Returning her attention to the drive, Willow slowed, approaching a wash in the road. Tara’s body stiffened in her seat.
“STOP!!” Her hand gripped hard against the skin of her lover’s arm. Her grasp tightened as they slowed quickly. The car lurched forward at the hard braking. “Please stop.” Her eyes quickly disappeared behind fountains of tears. Her body trembled as her hand tightened harder around the alabaster flesh.
Willow flinched at the contact. Forcing the car into park, she turned toward the blonde.
“This is the spot.” Tara threw the car door open leaping from the seat. Her body was numb approaching mechanical reactions. Willow pulled into a gravel space and walked toward her lover.
The blonde made her way to the edge of the steep cliff. It was a short drop, not entirely sharp. On a snowy day, with the right sled, a child could have a fun time, but not on this day, and not in the company of this Woman. Something dark happened here, something that strangled her, trapping her soul in a cold isolated place.
Tara forced her way through the tall brush of the hill, allowing momentum to guide her to the bottom. Her body rested on a loose mound of flagstone. She collapsed to the ground forcing her white knuckled fingers into the rocky surface. Drawing blood from the scraping flesh, her tears blended against the stone creating a wash of sorrow.
She forced her gentle hands into hardened fists pounding the ground in front of her.
Willow blazed down the hill following closely, thrashing through the tall brush, stopping quickly at the sight of the lover. The usually quiet gentle soul lay beating her clenched flesh against the surface of the ground. Her fists mashing a horrific rhythm against the rock. Willow hesitated with shock then ran to her side.
Slowly her fingers grasped the raging shoulders of her lover. Tara’s body, flaming with passionate suffering, jumped at the sensation.
Tara slowly lifted her head focusing on the woman in front of her. “This is the spot.” Her face; dripping with sorrow and sweat, clouded with dust from the rocks, smeared with her salty tears, masking her face.
Turning her body toward the tall blades of sweet grass, her body stiffened wrenching forth the horrifying memories. Over and over she heaved, her body fighting against itself, fighting against the raging thoughts. Lifting her hand she wiped her mouth against the length of her wrist.
The red head quickly enveloped her, sheltering her with love. Together they rocked on the hollow of the hill, their bodies quaking from her tears.
Exhausted, Tara turned toward her soul mate. “She died here.” Her stomach hardened from the words. “A part of me died here. Oh Goddess, Willow… it all happened right here.” Tight arms folded around the blonde as she summoned the very last of her mourning.
“It’s okay baby, let it go. You can let it all go now. I’m here and you don’t have to be strong any more.” Willow scraped away the mud caked tendrils baked stiffly against her cheeks. She caressed the thin streaks of pink flesh washed clean from tears. The exhausted blonde heaped tightly in her embrace as the echo of dead silence hummed through them.
Time slowed to an eerie stillness as they rested on the hill. The tall grass swayed slowly in the soft breeze. Willow had positioned the blonde against her breast swaying with the breeze, rocking her into a peaceful slumber. She enjoyed the silence waiting for the story. She knew this was the place, the one spot on the entire planet that defined every bit of her lover’s suffering. And so she waited, for the words that would release her from the past.
Willow looked down at her love, exhausted from crying, rocking her like a child. Holding her against the rhythm of her heart. Rocking…rocking.
Tara slowly opened her eyes. Blinking hard at harsh light of the sun. Willow cupped a hand over her eyes protecting her lover, slowly leaning forward.
“I’m so sorry Will.” Tara splayed her palms across her face. The smear of her dirty hands marked the hollows of her cheeks. “I had no idea this place would make me so…”
Willow interrupted, “This is where you had the car accident?”
The breeze caught her golden hair spraying it wildly across her face. She brushed it back behind her ears slowly reliving every detail.
We’d just come from the cave, Mom and I. We went there a lot to practice and talk. It was the only place that we could be alone.
The rain had started and after about a half hour the water filled the mouth of the cave. That usually meant that the road would wash out. Mom thought it best to leave knowing how dangerous the road back to town would be.
We were talking about the herbs in the garden and how we needed to plant more lavender. Mom turned to smile at me and when she turned back we saw the road in front of us disappear. It was raining so hard and the current was so fast it just swept us to the edge.Tara hesitated for a moment. Fighting hard to keep the tears from falling again. Knowing that if she started she may never stop. She wanted to make it through the story. She needed to tell it all.
Mom saw it all. Somehow she knew we were going over. She just couldn’t stop it. She took her hand off the steering wheel and called upon the Goddess. She held her hand over my eyes and cast a spell protecting me from harm.
It was supposed to be for both of us. It should have been for both of us. But I know now that it was just for me. She poured every ounce of her magic out and wrapped it around me. I’m alive because she wanted that more than anything else. More than her own life.Tara turned toward her lover looking for anger or disgust. Instead she caught a glimpse of the same love she’d seen on the face of her mother just moments before she spoke her last words. “I love you.”
Willow smiled at the words furrowing her brow with confusion.
Recognizing the look Tara offered an explanation. “That’s what she said. As the car slammed into that tree.” Tara pointed to a large twisted oak. It’s thick trunk stretched six feet wide. The limbs sprawled in all directions creating a large cascade of shadow. In any other place the sight might welcome a stranger to shelter.
“Tara I don’t know what to say.” She lifted her body from the rocky ground noticing the stone beneath her feet. The red head tapped the surface with the toe of her boot. “Oh Goddess, Tara. You took it from here didn’t you.” Her fingers trailed across the flat ragged stone. “The marker for her grave came from this hill.”
The blonde nodded sadly. “It was the last time I came here. The only time I came here. I needed to take it from the last place she’d said those words.” Her eyes fought hard to hold in the tears.
Willow held her hands to Tara. The blonde reached up taking them tightly and slowly arching upright. They carefully climbed to the top of the hill. Tara looked down playing the scene over and over.
She knew now that there was nothing she could have done.
She finally understood how a woman could sacrifice everything for the life of a child. She turned toward her lover and in that moment felt a flood of energy, a sudden awakening. Her two worlds impacted and the collision hadn’t been catastrophic. Her body ached from the experience but her soul sang the sweetest song.
She truly felt free.
Tara turned toward her lover. A euphoric glow enveloping her, she feverishly led them to the car. “Get in.” She opened the passenger side of the car forcing Willow into the seat. She hurried around jumping behind the steering wheel.
“Uh Tara…should you really be driving?” Willow showed serious concern grabbing the key from the ignition. “Baby, let me drive. I can take you anywhere you want to go.”
“I’m counting on that.” Tara winked holding her open palm to her lover. “Trust me, I’m ok. I really need to take you somewhere.”
Willow set the keys gently in the center of her palm holding her open hand above it. She pressed them together; “I will always trust you…always.” She pulled the blonde tightly against her lips commanding a long… slow… gentle… tender kiss. Their bodies paused as calm passed between them. Her heart recognized the tenderness in Tara. Rage and guilt could never mask that. It was instinct, everything she’d ever done passed through that portal of tenderness. The one place Willow’s soul could always find serenity.
Tara started the car, slowly driving along a dusty back road. It twisted and turned wildly through the tall trees. Willow noticed strange rock formations along the way. “Huh… funny that looks like a big shoe.”
“Boot rock, actually. My grandmother gave it that name. Not officially, it’s just what the Bennett women called it.” Tara slowed almost to a complete stop. She made a hard turn into a thick patch of sweet grass.
“Tara, um driving into a field here.” She watched her lover carefully guide the car along a seemingly unmarked path.
“It’s OK, there’s a roadbed here. It’s just grown over. I’m sure that its been more than ten years since anyone’s driven here.” Tara turned the car into a patch of trees. The red head couldn’t see a road and would have to use her five-year-old eyes to imagine one. “We’re here.”
“Really…great.” Willow looked around. The only thing she could see was a big rock and a patch of smaller rocks. Mostly a bunch of rocks. “Baby? Um… rocks?”
Tara hopped from the car padding around the back of the jeep. She threw the hatch open grabbing a hotel blanket from the back. Willow’s eyes widened sharply. Pressing the bright red tip of her tongue between her teeth, she gave a knowing smile. With a shrug of her shoulders and a coy tilt of her head Tara returned the sentiment. She closed the hatch stepping toward her lover. Willow opened the door dropping one leg slowly to the ground.
“Jagged rock fun?”
Tara pulled her passionately from the car. “Could be, come with me.” Willow followed her lover through the thick trees, amazed at the way she danced through the forest. Approaching the tall wall of rock Tara climbed around the curve entering a hidden crevasse. She unfolded the blanket pulling out Abbey’s camping light.
Willow smiled sharply, fiercely aware of the plans the blonde had for them. The idea of the wild seduction burned through her body. With a turn of the handle the light of the lantern lit and they slowly entered the cave.
The space in front of them seemed average to the untrained eye. Willow wasn’t impressed. Glancing briefly at her ladylove Tara led them to another crack in the wall.
“We have to go through here.” Tara pointed to a space no wider than her forearm. The crack spanned the twenty-foot height of the cavern. The red head watched as Tara twisted her way through. She appeared to reach an opening on the other side and Willow followed behind her. “Close your eyes.” She quickly converted the light to a lantern.
The red head smiled coyly, tightly clamping them shut. “There’s not a house in there?”
“It’s been a long time, who knows.” She giggled lifting her hands slowly, passionately entwining their fingers she led the red head to a long flat surface of rock. “No peeking.” Tara dropped her hands seperating long enough to spread out the blanket. She slowly lowered Willow to the soft comfort of the bench. “I’m still here. Keep your eyes closed. I need to do one thing.”
She quickly turned the handle of the lantern scurrying her way to the center of the room. A tall tripod of branches arched over the floor. She tethered the strap to the center adjusting the three mirrors along the sides. As if by magic the room filled with the most heavenly glow.
The simple light of the child’s lantern spread softly upon the mirrors. Their reflection bounced wildly through the cave lighting thousands of alabaster quartz crystals. The prismic effects danced across her lover’s skin.
The sight of Willow, lit by the angelic glow captured her breath, in her entire life, if she had never known Paradise, she was certainly witnessing it now. Stepping forward, slipping to her knees she grasped her lover’s hands. “Open your eyes Will.”
Slowly her eyelids separated. The enchanting radiance of the walls surrounding them blinded her vision. She looked down at Tara watching the sparkling light dance across her skin, their bodies stopped, their breathing ragged and forced.
“Baby… this is so amazing. I can’t even believe how incredible this is.” Willows eyes darted around the cavern, delighting in the endless seam of jagged stones. “You came here with your mom?” Willow pulled her lover from the floor opening her body to the warmth of her touch.
Tara pushed the red head back, slowly guiding her onto the length of the bench. They slipped tightly together. Her fingers dancing along the edge of her face. Tucking dangling tendrils of red behind her ear.
“Tara…” The soft flesh of her lover’s hand pressed tightly against her lips.
“Will…this is the one place in the entire world where I’ve always wanted to make love to you.” Her fingers slipped slowly from her lips trailing down the length of sharp alabaster shoulders. Tara felt the sting of her raw flesh as it danced over Willow’s heart, the pads of her fingertips cracked and seeping from their war with the hillside.
The red head noticed her body tense at the touch. She grasped the fingers slowly…tenderly…offering gentle kisses to every one. Her eyes closed tightly as the sensation spread through her skin. Racing through her veins chasing the blood to the center of her being. The pounding of her heart, beat with such intensity, Willow could feel it through her fingertips. Her hand found its way to the center of her chest basking in the rhythm of her love.
“Tara, I can’t think of any place in this world…no galaxy … no universe.” She paused briefly. “Baby this is stealing heaven.”
The tenderness of her lips, searched the soft skin of her hands. Slowly she inched her way toward the soft points of pulse along her neck. Tara’s body answered, softly tickling the vibration along her throat. Willow forced her lips tightly against the hollow welcoming the sensation, urging its dance across her tongue.
Their bodies needed nothing more. Their souls opened freely intertwining among the specter of light. With each touch, with each heavenly sensation their bodies celebrated existence.
As the light of the lantern slowly faded, Willow moved to keep it glowing. Feeling the hands of her lover pulling her home, she surrendered to the touch. Sliding back into the soft embrace. Their bodies rejoiced in the safety of their love.
TBC
Urn of Osiris
_________________**
"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses."
— George Washington Carver "Bite me Harris." Anya Beneath you
Voice your opinion about Tara www.petitiononline.com/Tara/petition.html
thaaaaat's me 
by Tara22 » Sun Oct 06, 2002 2:53 pm 
I knew Donny was an idiot already, he's taking right after his dad alright... has enslaved his own woman already. No doubt he has convinced her she was evil...grrr.
I really feel 4 Brenda, hopefully she can get outta that damn marriage and take her kid w/ her!! 
As far as the hospital visits go let me think for a bit.
