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Title: UberSmut
Part: 6
Author: SallyMcFine
Feedback: Please practice safer feedback. Remember, when you give feedback, you're not only giving feedback to me, you're giving feedback to anyone I've ever left feedback for.
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All disclaimers apply, as well as this one: I stole a little lyric from a Billy Bragg song. Extra points for the person who sees it and mentions it in fb.
Thanks: Corey Cook from
Down the Rabbit-Hole for the title graphic, to you readers, and to my uberly smutty beta, who eggs me on.
Setting: Contemporary. The characters all frequent an online message board called
The Warrior, The Bard, and the Bad Wardrobe. This is a sequel to
UberCon '05.
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Part 6 - Want Some Fries With That?
To: amazon_hacker@gmail.com
From: wiccanbard@gmail.com
Subject: Mississippi bans sex toys
hey hon, I just read this article and I can't believe that a state would actually ban sex toys. That seems almost unconstitutional, doesn't it?
http://www.thestranger.com/blog/archive ... hp#a005011
Love, tara
To: wiccanbard@gmail.com
From: amazon_hacker@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Mississippi bans sex toys
Hey baby. Ugh, that makes me mad! I did a little Googling and found out that Alabama bans sex toys also. Let's not move there, okay?
--Willow
To: amazon_hacker@gmail.com
From: wiccanbard@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Mississippi bans sex toys
> Let's not move there, okay?
Agreed. Although I should point out that we have never actually used sex toys. Do we know what we're missing?
T.
To: wiccanbard@gmail.com
From: amazon_hacker@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Mississippi bans sex toys
Good point. What a coincidence - someone just sent ubersmut a story about "prosthetic pleasure" today. It's interesting reading...
To: amazon_hacker@gmail.com
From: wiccanbard@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Mississippi bans sex toys
> It's interesting reading...
Should we beta-test it?
To: wiccanbard@gmail.com
From: amazon_hacker@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Mississippi bans sex toys
> Should we beta-test it?
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Willow followed Tara through the swinging door of Va-Va-Vulva, the new sex toy shop in Sunnydale. She winced as the door made a small bell ring overhead, imagining that all eyes in the store automatically swung toward her and Tara. Her mind, which worked at a frenetic pace during the best of times, immediately leaped to what she assumed everyone in the store must be visualizing: her, naked, wearing a larger-than-life strap-on dildo secured to her waist and thighs with a gleaming studded leather harness, and Tara, also naked, a huge vibrator clutched in one hand, on her back with her thighs splayed open wide, her sex gleaming and smeared with bright orange glitter lube.
Except that no one really looked up, she noticed as the door swung closed. The few people browsing in the store at this time of day seemed absorbed in their own shopping. And really, patrons of a sex toy shop probably weren't judgmental about other people doing the same. She relaxed slightly, and looked around the shop.
The walls were painted a deep purply-red, and the windows were framed by sheer red curtains. Soothing instrumental music played in the background, and Willow caught the unmistakable scent of incense burning. The front of the store held racks with various books, magazines, and small boxes. She peered around past the initial offerings to see what else the store held and her eyebrows shot up as she caught sight of a wide shelf filled with various more explicit objects. A sparkly purple item especially caught her eye.
"Why don't we go look at..." she started to say to Tara.
"Tara! Willow!" called a loud voice from the left.
They whirled to see Anya approaching them.
"What are you two doing here? I didn't think you two had started using sex toys yet!"
Anya's normal speaking voice was loud compared to most people's, and in the quiet confines of the sparsely populated shop it seemed almost as if she was shouting.
"Anya," Tara began, blushing.
"You should really try out this new lube, if you're going to buy something insertive. It's head and shoulders above the rest, from what I read on the label. I just picked some up for me and Xander," she said, showing them the large economy-sized bottle of Slippery Kitty Liquid Love Lubricant. "It's water-based and has no sugars in the formula - good for avoiding yeast infections."
"ANYA!" Tara shouted. "Thanks, but really, we're just browsing," she said, lowering her voice. "We just wanted to look around."
"Do you want any help?" Anya asked brightly. "I know most of the stock here and can give you some great recommendations."
Behind Anya, Willow's expression was one of horror. She caught Tara's eye and emphatically shook her head back and forth, leaving no doubt about her sentiments.
Tara bit her lip and smiled. "Thanks, An, but we really wanted to do this together, alone. You can understand that, can't you?"
"Of course!" said Anya. "Buying your first strap-on dildo together should be a private experience. I totally get that! Just make sure that you don't get the kind with elastic straps - they have an annoying tendency to shift positions at crucial moments. Go for a harness with a buckle that you can adjust."
Tara nodded, keeping an eye on Willow, who looked like she wanted to be swallowed up by a hole in the ground.
"All right then, kisses!" Anya said. "I'm going to buy this and go test it out. See you tonight!" She brushed Tara's cheek with hers and made a kissing noise, then turned to Willow to do the same. To Willow's surprise, the girl whispered in her ear.
"If Tara's really here buying me a surprise birthday present, tell her that I'd love to try the twin multi-speed vibrating eggs," Anya whispered. "They're new."
Willow nodded as Anya released her and walked over to the checkout. She blinked, shellshocked.
"What just happened?" she asked Tara.
Tara shook her head. "That's Anya for you. I'm not sure the word 'discreet' is in her vocabulary. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Willow said. "Honestly, I was a little self-conscious coming in here because I felt like everyone was watching us. But now I
know for sure they are, so there's no point in feeling uncomfortable anymore."
Tara laughed at the statement. "That's a good attitude. I've been desensitized by living with Anya, but I still get embarrassed sometimes too."
"Well, there's nothing to be ashamed of," Willow said, as much to convince herself as Tara. They walked further into the store and stopped in front of the shelf that had caught Willow's eye earlier.
The shelf held a variety of dildos in all shapes, sizes, colors, and functions. There were vibrating and nonvibrating dildos, strap-ons, ones with clitoral stimulators, ones that looked like animals - the selection was almost overwhelming. The one that Willow had noticed was purple with sparkly glitter embedded in its jelly-like covering. She picked up the box.
"What's that?" Tara asked.
"It's a vibrating dildo," Willow said. "Battery-operated. Looks like it has those elastic straps that Anya warned us about." She handed the box to Tara.
Tara inspected the contents through the clear plastic. "It's very, um, realistic-looking, anatomically, at least," she said. "From what I've seen in pictures, anyway - not that I have firsthand experience."
Willow giggled. "Me neither. Look at that big vein!"
Tara replaced the box on the shelf. "Unless you want to keep it?"
Willow considered, but shook her head. There was something about the idea of either her or Tara wearing a strap-on prosthesis that gave her a funny warm feeling in her stomach - partly interest and arousal, but also partly apprehension. "Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm ready for something like that yet, you know? Someday, though."
Tara nodded. "I feel the same way. Hey, what did Anya whisper to you before?"
Willow laughed. "You knew that's what she was doing?"
"She's about as subtle as a Mack truck sometimes. It was either that or she was licking your ear, and I didn't think you too were that close yet." Tara smirked.
"Heh! She said that if you were really here secretly buying her a birthday present, that she would like the twin multi-speed vibrating eggs, that they were new."
"Should we go check them out?" Tara asked.
Willow nodded and they walked over to the shelf that was topped by a sign that said 'NEW ARRIVALS.'
"Here it is," Tara said, picking up the box.
The box held a power pack with some control buttons that was attached by long wires to two purple eggs covered in a velvety rubber sheath.
"This looks...interesting," Willow said.
"And Anya wants it for her birthday?" Tara asked.
"Yeeeess..." Willow said slowly. "Although she doesn't necessarily think that you're here to shop for her. For all she knows we're here to buy something for us. Which we are."
"What are you saying, hon?" Tara asked, noting the gleam in Willow's eye.
Willow grinned. "I think this actually might be the perfect thing for you and me."
Tara looked at the package, and her gaze became thoughtful as she considered the possibilities. She looked at Willow and nodded, flashing an excited grin.
Willow carried the box up to the counter. She hoped that they could check out quickly - not only so they could get home and try out the toy, but in case anyone else they knew came into the store. Or worse yet, if Anya came back. Most of all, she hoped the fuss could be kept to a minimum.
It seemed like it was not to be, however. The perky clerk, with red, green, and purple dyed hair and a nose ring, took the box and scanned the UPC barcode, chatting happily to them.
"Oh, you two are going to
love this! The twin multi-speed vibrating egg is
divine. We just got it in last week and I tested it out to write a review for a website, and it's just
yummy."
Willow gave her a pained look, while Tara covered a smile with her hand and edged away from the counter.
"But did you know, today we're running a special! If you spend twenty dollars, we'll throw in a free sample of lube! That'll be $23.99 - would you like strawberry flavored, peach, or unflavored? And this is the best lube, let me tell you - a little goes a long way. I did a blind taste test with this and another brand last week..." The clerk bagged their toy while she chattered on.
"Strawberry," Willow blurted out, hoping that would end the monologue.
"Great! Water-based or oil-based? You don't want to use oil-based if you're going to use it with condoms - not that you girls look like you'll use condoms often, tee hee, but if you're using any dildos and you switch midway a condom is necessary so you don't pass anything between each other, and it really helps with cleanup too. You know, you can layer two condoms on a dildo..."
"Water-based!" Willow croaked.
"Great!" burbled the clerk, putting the lube in the bag along with their receipt. "And here's one of our free brochures about safer sex - remember, safe sex doesn't mean no sex, it just means use your imagination! Let me tell you, some of our customers get so creative, I'm thinking about starting a message board section on our store's website so people can share ideas..." She handed Willow her change and the bag as she mused about the possibilities a message board could create for the store's clientele.
"Thank you!" Tara called to the clerk, hastily following Willow, who had made a beeline for the exit.
She caught up to her girlfriend out on the sidewalk. Willow was sagged against the wall of the store.
"Thanks for abandoning me in there. I told you we should have shopped for this online," Willow grumbled as she followed Tara down the street, clutching the sparkly pink bag with VA-VA-VULVA printed on the side in large purple letters.
"I'm sorry, baby," Tara said. "I kind of panicked when she started going on and on about condoms and dildos. Can I make it up to you?"
Willow gave her a significant look as they walked. "You can try, in about twenty minutes."
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Willow unlocked the door of her apartment and Tara followed her in.
"I think Buffy's at class now," Willow said. "We have a few hours before she gets home."
Tara's eyes reflected the same eagerness that Willow felt. They had made up on the walk home, and both were anticipating using their new purchase.
"Do you think I'm an irrepressible pervert?" Willow asked in a half-joking voice, unwrapping the box and removing the toy.
Tara quirked an eyebrow at Willow as she took off her shoes. Though Willow's tone was joking tone, she knew that there was usually some grain of truth or insecurity behind a question like that.
"Not at all, baby," she replied. "Why would you ask that?"
"Oh, I don't know," Willow said with a self-deprecating laugh. "I guess I worry that I think about sex too much. First the pizza thing, and now I can't even wait for a day to try out our new...accessory. I just hope that I'm not abnormal, you know?"
Tara enveloped Willow in a hug. "Baby, I think that not only is it normal, that it's wonderful. I love you, and I love that you love me and are so comfortable expressing it physically."
Willow relaxed into the hug and into Tara's words. "You have this knack for always saying exactly the right thing to me," she said.
Tara smiled and covered Willow's lips in a gentle kiss that grew more heated the longer it went on. Finally they broke apart. Tara glanced at the toy that was still clutched in Willow's hand.
"Should we give that a test run?" she asked devilishly.
Willow grinned. "I think we should," she said. "Let's just make sure that it's in working order." She flipped the switch on the power pack.
Nothing happened.
"Hey!" Willow said. "It's not working."
Tara looked at the toy, concerned. "Does it have batteries?"
Willow flipped open the battery compartment. "Looks like they weren't included. That store clerk rattled me so much, I totally forgot that we should buy some."
Her rueful expression elicited a giggle from Tara. "Well, don't worry. I'm sure we can borrow some batteries from something here. Hey, how about the TV remote? What kind of batteries does that thing take?"
"Two double-A's."
"Presto!" Tara said, popping open the remote's battery compartment. "We're in business."
She gave Willow a seductive look as the redhead inserted the batteries into the power pack, walking slowly into Willow's bedroom. Willow flipped the switch to verify that the eggs had power, and indeed they did. She hurriedly followed Tara, who was already half-undressed, into her bedroom. As Willow watched, Tara finished removing her bra and slowly unzipped and shimmied out of her embroidered jeans. As a final touch, she pulled down and stepped out of her underwear.
"We have a clothing imbalance," Tara said, looking pointedly at Willow. She took the hint and tossed the eggs onto the bed, hastily disrobing while Tara watched with appreciation.
Naked, Willow looked at her girlfriend - so beautiful, so soft and gentle in both manner and body, and so trusting. She traced with her eyes the angle of Tara's jaw, the impossibly blue eyes, the curve of her shoulder. Her collarbone was slightly defined and framed the delicate hollow of her throat. Willow almost thought she could detect the fluttering of Tara's pulse as she gazed at her. An irresistible urge to kiss the spot seized Willow, and she stepped forward and brushed her lips gently on the area.
Tara's indrawn breath spoke volumes about the effect the kiss had. Willow continued her gentle kisses along Tara's collarbone, first one and then the other, as she added a gentle caressing motion on the skin of Tara's buttocks.
An idea formed in Willow's mind, and she hugged Tara to her, kissing her deeply. She led Tara to the bed, taking a seat, and maneuvered them around until she was sitting in the middle of her bed. She urged Tara down in front of her so she was in effect spooning Tara while sitting up. Her sex nestled snugly against the back of Tara's ass.
"Baby," Tara breathed as Willow reached around to cup her breasts. She held them gently and kissed Tara's neck, licking her earlobe in time with gentle strokes on her rapidly firming nipple.
Willow bit the lobe gently and reached to the side to grab the control for the vibrating egg. She flicked the switch to 'On-Lo' for one of the eggs, which began to emit a low hum. She located the egg by feel and brought it around to Tara's front, her right hand still caressing her nipple.
"Ahhh," Tara moaned as Willow brought the vibrating egg close to her sex. She breathed faster as Willow stroked the egg on her lips, gathering some of the copious moisture. A gasp escaped her throat as Willow brought the egg tantalizingly close to her clitoris, circling the area with maddening slowness.
Willow squeezed Tara's breast as she brought the egg into contact with her clitoris for just a moment, then took it away. Tara whimpered in protest, but her whimper changed into a hiss of anticipation as Willow moved the egg in small circles around her opening.
Tara was slick, and the egg slid inside easily.
Looks like we didn't need that lube after all, Willow thought.
Tara groaned slightly as the egg, tucked away just inside, spread its vibrations through her body. Though she missed the direct contact, the hum spread through her inner walls and seemed to stimulate her clit from the inside. Was that possible? She had read about the g-spot, and still wasn't sure if she believed it existed, but the egg was certainly making something unbearably pleasurable happen.
Willow picked up the second egg and turned it on. Tara's reactions were having an effect on her; she could feel her own folds, pressed up against Tara, becoming slick. Every moan she elicited from Tara only served to excite her more. She pressed her chest against Tara's back, shimmying her shoulders a bit and creating electric waves of pleasure through her own nipples.
Tara sensed what Willow was doing and moaned appreciatively. "Mmm-hmm, baby," she said.
Willow gently bit Tara's shoulder as she brought the second egg around. This time she didn't spend time teasing Tara, but moved the egg in a rhythmic motion on her clit.
The combination of vibrations inside and out were making Tara feel like a wild animal, incapable of rational thought. She felt the pleasure build up until she thought she would surely come right there and then - and gave a cry of frustration when Willow took the second egg away.
"Don't worry, baby," Willow said throatily as she quickly tucked the egg in between her and Tara. She inhaled harshly as the egg nestled against her own clit, held in place by Tara's ass cheeks. "Just one second."
She cupped Tara's breast, pinching the nipple while she coaxed the second egg out from inside Tara. The blonde moaned at the lost sensation, but not for too long, as Willow held the slick egg and rubbed her clitoris with it.
After such a buildup, Tara thought that she would surely explode, but to her surprise she didn't come immediately. The stopping and starting seemed to have given her an extra reserve. The steady hum of the twin eggs mixed with the pants and grunts of both girls. Tara could feel the vibrations from the second egg against her bottom as Willow thrust her hips against it, never faltering with the hand that held the egg against Tara's clit.
And then Tara felt the wave breaking over her. Her sex felt almost swollen, and she cried out as her hips bucked, feeling her clit spasm in time with the thrusting of her hips. As she was in the throes of the sensation, she heard Willow's cries behind her as the redhead came.
As the spasms subsided, Willow felt drained, but in a good way. She groaned, turned off the power pack, and laid the eggs gently to the side. She lay down on the bed, drawing Tara down with her and squirming under the covers. Tara nestled her head in the crook of Willow's shoulder, still shivering as aftershocks from her intense orgasm traveled through her body.
"Take that, Mississippi," Willow said drowsily, planting a kiss on Tara's head.
Tara snuggled closer to Willow, wrapping her arm around the redhead's torso and draping her leg across Willow's midsection.
They lay together reveling in their closeness. At some point, Willow wasn't really sure when, Tara's breathing and the warmth under the covers lulled her into a half-asleep, dreamy state. Her mind seemed to float around lazily from thoughts of Tara, to thoughts of their new toy, unconnected to anything linear, on the verge of...
"Will?"
Buffy's voice carried through the closed door. Willow snapped awake at the sound.
"What's up with the TV remote? It's not working."
Willow felt Tara snicker into her shoulder. "Shhh, baby, if we don't make any noise, maybe she'll go away," she whispered.
"Will?" Buffy's voice was louder, as if it was right outside of her door.
Panicked, Willow said "Don't come in! Um, the batteries were dead. I had to throw them away."
Buffy sounded confused. "I just put new batteries in last week. There must be some kind of power surge going on with the remote. Oh well, I have more in my bedroom." Footsteps grew fainter as Buffy moved away.
Willow relaxed back into the bed, hoping to recapture the dreamy state from before, but the adrenaline in her system wouldn't let her fall back to sleep. Not that it was a bad thing, she thought to herself, scratching Tara's back as the blonde practically purred with satisfaction. Some things were worth being awake for.
Hehe, probably just me. 
by WillowRulez » Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:11 pm 
Holy shit, that's the hottest thing I've read in a while. Willow, sweatpants, waistband snapping, Tara's hand inside the sweatpants, and Willow going "commando"....wow. 
We should have some kind of colour-coding system - Willow-actions are red text, Tara-actions are gold, etc. I really enjoyed Willow and Tara having fun, real honest-to-goodness fun with the vagaries of imprecise pronouns and 'Ikea sex' (insert digit A in orifice B, move in and out until girl C makes noise D, and then there's a step missing and you have no idea how to reach tongue G to body part H, and it becomes a huge game of naked twister). Willow falling off the couch was just priceless. And I want to say again, even though I just alluded to it - fun! I love that the girls are confident and comfortable enough that they can goof around having sex, and make total fools of themselves, instead of always striving for perfect orgasmic super-romantic bliss every single time. Because counter-intuitive though it seems, playing around in a half-assed seduce-the-pizza-girl scenario, and then muddling through a set of sex instructions that don't really work, and ending up falling off the furniture and laughing themselves silly - that says healthy sex life to me. Go girls 
Thanks!
I love it hay I am from Mississippi guess I better buy alot of toys before I go see the folks this june ha ha!!!
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