Tabula Rasa Perpetua

[Emms]

oh man...this chapter was so good! First with the whole Rack drama and Buffy being lifted into the air... and then with Spike 'poofing' Dusty... And...and...and Willow all magic'd up--And i really thought she was going to kill him but then she didn't and then she got her memory back...

Cant wait for the next chapter!!

Oh and sorry I'm late with the feedback RL has been keeping me pretty busy lately...

[The Rose24]

Very exciting.

I can't wait to see how you resolve this.

[spells42]

Oh myyyyy. this is very exciting and scary... how can Tara handle all that black magic, and what will Willow do now she's all black eyed vengeance, and what will happen if the crystal's crushed?

Can't wait to find out.
TIA
Anne

edited to say ... your new avatar is HOT!!! wow!

[tazraven]

Oooh, more feedback. *Wiggles excitedly*


Emms: Hey I'm happy you're enjoying it. Always music to my ears. No worries about replying late, I always reply back. I hate to quote almost your entire feedback, but it just makes me so happy. You sound like Willow.

First with the whole Rack drama and Buffy being lifted into the air... and then with Spike 'poofing' Dusty... And...and...and Willow all magic'd up--And i really thought she was going to kill him but then she didn't and then she got her memory back...

Thankyou for that. Makes me happy to know someone else babbles like I do. Once again, glad you're enjoying it all.


The Rose24: Hi Rose. I can't wait to see how I resolve it too, hehe. Thanks for reading.


spells42: Hiya Very exciting and scary? Yay. It's always good when a reader gets sucked in. Thanks for the avatar compliment. I love it too

how can Tara handle all that black magic, and what will Willow do now she's all black eyed vengeance, and what will happen if the crystal's crushed?

Wish I could answer that. No wait, I sort of don't. I promise you're questions will be answered in the next chapter. Scout's honor Thanks for reading and for the feedback.


~Sara

[watty]

Short but succinct chapter, Sara. Got a very split screen action feel to it, with Buffy and Willow confronting Rack and the crystal getting shattered. Am enjoying the suspense and the plot.
[br]

[tazraven]

Watty: Thanks for the feedback. I like writing with split scene. It's a fun way to change points of view, I think. Thanks again.



Hey everyone. Below you'll find chapter 10, finally. Sorry about the delay. School is wreaking its vengeance on me, but luckily I finally found the time. Hope everyone enjoys.



Title: Tabula Rasa Perpetua
Author: TazRaven
Distribution: Anyone who wants to use it, just ask.
Feedback: Yes, please. I love it.
Disclaimers: Willow and Tara and the rest of the Buffy gang and Buffyverse are not mine, but I wish they were.
Summary: The Buffy gang has to live with the effects of the Tabula Rasa spell a little longer than what originally happened.
Rating: PG
Timeline: Everything up until The Tabula Rasa spell is the same. The changes start happening a little bit into the spell.
Author's Notes: Tabula Rasa Perpetua = Perpetually Clean Slate



Tabula Rasa Perpetua



Chapter 10- The Darkness



“For Buffy and Tara, this I char.”



“I don’t think this is gonna work.”



“Hey. It is. I-it’s working.”



“Let Lethe's Bramble do its chore.”



“I am, you know.”



“What?”



“Yours.”



“I don't know, I just ... think we both need some ... I don't know, space.”



“Are you saying you’re gonna leave me?”



“Purge their minds of memories grim, of pains from recent slights and
sins.”



“I love you.”



“Make love to me?”



“Go a week. One week without magic.”



“Fine. Fine, that's easy!”



“When the fire goes out, when the crystal turns black.”



“Forget.”



“Hello, strawberry.”



“Infested roots, trying to turn me on?”



“I have to try now?”



“The spell will be cast.”



“Just give me your hand, and I can show you what it means to do magic.”



“Tara, I feel something-”



“I know, I feel it too.”



“I’ll kill you for that.”



“Tabula Rasa.”



“Go a week. One week without magic.”



“Tabula Rasa.”



“I don’t think this is gonna work.”



“Tabula rasa.”



------------------



Willow gasped as the memories flooded into her mind. Pieces of her life uncovered themselves and pushed to the forefront of her consciousness, overwhelming her with emotion. She opened her eyes and tears spilled onto her cheeks and, without realizing it, the color or her eyes changed from onyx to green for a moment. The dark magic that had been surging through her body dissipated slightly. She blinked and remembered where she was. Her eyes drifted upwards to Rack.



“Come on, Strawberry. Aren’t you going to give me a taste of your magick? Kill me for hurting your precious witch?” He spoke in a mocking tone, trying to get a rise out of the redhead. He could feel her dark magick disappearing, and he didn’t like it. She blinked again and looked back towards the bed. Tara still lay there unconscious. The sight infuriated Willow, but in her mind she was still seeing the memories that had recently returned. The images and sounds continuously looped, the same memories.



“Forget.”



Her initial betrayal of Tara and their relationship. One little fight and she had jumped to magick as her only solution. Her eyes faltered again, the green appearing for a split second before the black returned.



“Go a week. One week without magic.”



“Fine. Fine, that's easy!”



Another loop. Willow blinked again as more tears rolled down her cheeks. She saw the way Tara had looked at her with that one simple request. Tara never asked for anything, and when she finally did, Willow had destroyed her trust. Willow shuddered as the tears that spilled from her eyes continued to flow. Her eyes lightened again, the green peeking through the endless black.



“I am, you know.”



“What?”



“Yours.”



The tears rolled freely now. Tara’s admission of love, before anything had even happened between them. She had been so brave. And her bravery showed more every day. Willow didn’t deserve her. With another tear, Willow’s eyes returned to their normal color. The green that Tara had fallen in love with resurfaced. Willow took a deep breath and continued to stare at Rack. She took a step back and shook her head.



“She loves me,” Willow said, as if realizing it for the first time. “All she wanted was me.” Willow took another step back and her legs hit the bed. She sat on the mattress and looked down at her hands. “Never again,” she whispered. “I don’t deserve her.” Willow sobbed into her hands, forgetting that Rack was even in the room.



------------------



Rack stood watching Willow. He stared unbelieving as her eyes turned from black to green. It had been no more than a minute since he’d knocked the Slayer against the wall, and as Willow sat down on the bed and sobbed, Rack growled. This was not how it was supposed to be. Strawberry was supposed to be begging him for a taste of his darkness, not crying on the bed. With a growl, he lunged at the pathetic-looking redhead, only to be stopped by a palm pushed into his chest. He looked down at the hand that was blocking him from his goal and growled again. Rack turned to the side and saw Buffy.



------------------



Buffy groaned quietly as she woke up. She opened her eyes, only to close them immediately. Pain throbbed in her head as she opened her eyes again. She gasped as all of her memories returned. Like Willow, the memories of her life flashed quickly, the most important ones standing out as her life literally flashed before her eyes. Unlike Willow, she overcame the shock quickly. Without waiting for the pain in her head to stop throbbing she stood up and walked quietly towards Willow and Rack. Just as Willow sat down on the bed and Rack lunged at her, Buffy entered the fight again.



She pushed her palm against his chest, fighting the urge to remove it just as rapidly when she felt the darkness in him. When she heard Rack growl, she smiled. “You know what? I really don’t like it when people throw me against walls.” She paused to push Rack away from the two witches. He stumbled backwards but managed to stay on his feet. “But do you know what I hate even more?” Buffy asked while stepping forwards to deliver a swift kick to Rack’s head then directly into his face. He fell to his knees, blood seeping from his now broken nose. Buffy crouched down to look Rack in the eyes. “I hate,” a punch to his face, “when people,” an uppercut to his chin, “hurt my friends.” She stood up quickly and punctuated the end of her sentence with a hard kick to Rack’s groin.



Rack fell over and rolled into a ball as he tried to breathe. His eyes turned black with rage, but he couldn’t utter a sound. Buffy leaned down. “Bet that hurt,” she said. “This is gonna hurt more.” Before Rack could utter a spell, Buffy kicked him in the head. The blackness in his eyes vanished as he lost consciousness.



------------------



“Oh god, I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve her.” Willow kept weeping as she whispered the words over and over. One hand was over her eyes as the other tightly gripped Tara’s hand. “Oh goddess, Tara.” Buffy walked over to the red-head and placed a hand on her shoulder.



“Willow,” Buffy said. She turned her eyes to Tara. Without waiting to see if Willow was alright, Buffy moved her hand to Tara’s neck and felt for a pulse. She breathed a sigh of relief when she felt a slow but steady beat beneath her fingertips. “Willow, you need to snap out of it.” Buffy turned back to Willow and shook her slightly. She gave her a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes as Willow slowly stopped crying and turned her gaze upward. “Rack is unconscious, and we need to help Tara. I need you with me Will.” She took a deep breath. “We can deal with what happened later, but right now you need to be strong, alright?”



Buffy breathed a small sigh as Willow slowly shook her head. “Like an Amazon,” she whispered, too quietly for Buffy to hear. “Okay,” Willow whispered louder.



Buffy nodded and went to Rack. “I need you to call Giles. We have to get Tara to a hospital and do something about Rack.” She grabbed his arms. “I’m gonna take this,” she gestured to the warlock with her head, “down to the basement. I’ll tie him up and then we can get Giles to do something about him.” She began to pull the warlock towards the door, intentionally banging his head on every hard object in the way.



Willow looked at Tara and ran a hand down her face. She savored the feeling of the soft skin beneath her fingers, knowing that it was the last time she’d be able to touch her lover. With one last lingering glance, she left Tara and went to the phone.



------------------



Giles took the picture he had taken of Rack and slowly wrapped a red ribbon around it. He spoke the words softly and surely. “I bind you, Rack, from doing harm; harm against other people and harm against yourself.” With each wrap of the ribbon around the picture, Giles repeated the incantation, until the entire picture was covered. He sighed and looked at the warlock. Rack was as tightly bound to the chair as his power now was inside his body. Tighter. With a little luck, Rack would never be able to use his power again. Giles stood and went to the table.



He would never have expected that Willow’s magick would lead to this. He’d been woken up by a distraught Willow, his memory returning with his consciousness. Unfortunately, he hadn’t had time to grasp the gravity of the situation. Tara had to go to the hospital and Rack needed to be bound. After gathering the necessary supplies, Giles had rushed over, passing Buffy and Willow on their way out.



Giles put a piece of tape on the end of the ribbon to make sure it wouldn’t become unraveled, and then put the picture inside a metal lock box. He mumbled a few words under his breath, and the box locked securely. He sighed again and took the box with him upstairs to wait in the kitchen with Dawn, Xander and Anya.



------------------



“How could you do this Willow?” Buffy looked at Willow, the compassion and love that was normally in her eyes was nowhere to be found as she spoke to her long-time friend. They were sitting in the cold, hard plastic chairs that the hospital provided in the waiting room. Buffy sat across from Willow, her eyes fixed on the redhead even though Willow’s gaze was cast downward. “Do you realize what could have happened; what did happen?” She slammed her fist down on the chair’s arm and grimaced as it cracked. Willow looked up, her eyes bloodshot from crying too many tears. “Tara’s in a coma, Will.” Buffy’s voice softened as the sobs she’d been holding in threatened to escape from her body.



Willow looked down again and shook as more tears escaped. “I’m so sorry, Buffy.” Her voice shook. “I didn’t mean-”



Buffy cut her off. “Don’t you dare say you didn’t mean to hurt anyone!” She took a deep breath to calm herself. “Willow, this has to stop. You took our memories, betrayed out trust, betrayed Tara’s trust.” She took another breath. “Tara is in a coma and she may never wake up. Do you understand that?”



Willow trembled as sobs wracked her body. “Never again, Buffy.” Willow sobbed harder. “Never again. Oh Goddess, Tara. I’m so sorry. I’m so-” She fell from the chair and collapsed on the floor. Buffy looked down. She was angry, angrier than she’d ever been, and yet she could see when her friend needed help. Buffy slowly lowered herself to the floor and wrapped her arms around Willow as they cried together.


------------------


~Sara

[JujuDeRoussie]

DIBS

Bonjour Mademoiselle Sara!!

oh my god!!!

you're not evil anymore... or maybe a little bit ^^

okay the first thing I think about it's Buffy's acting with Willow... I'm a little angry that she's accusing Willow like that. Okay it was wrong, okay it could have been very bad, but Willow may loose her everything (she batrayed her but she loves her), and Buffy was the one making Willow feel guilty. It wasn't on purpose but the result was the spell (well it was one of the reasons). I can understand that be brought back to a Hellmouth when you were in Heaven is difficult but how was Willow supposed to know?
But don't get me wrong, I think how Buffy is acting is how she is... I mean it's her character you know?

Anyway...

The second thing I think about it's Tara... She's still unconscious :(
Is that because she has only light magic and that her system isn't able to support the blackness of Rack's magic? Or is it just because you want to be evil? "mdr"
The reason will matter later, now I just think that it's a good thing... Willow cans use this time to think about what she's going to do to make it up, and more important, how she's going to control her magic or give up magic.

Many questions then....

Plus Willow will have to face her friends... Giles... Anya... and worst of all... Dawn (worst of all because she's a teenager who can't understand things from other points of view than hers >___< )

I'm sure Xander and Spike will not be too much upset. Spike surely doesn't care that much (except for the thinking-he-had-a-soul part), and Xander is an understanding boy... carefull when it comes to speak with someone hurt... and the most important: Willow's oldest friend.

So Rack is bound... but will this be a strong enough binding? I have to admit that I'm affraid... ^^

Maybe I'm wrong and you'll surprise me... I have to keep reading to know what you will go from here, but you know I will.

Thank you for the update

Julia

[Willowtree252]

DON,T STOP this is bad you should have worked for Josh this is way better than the real one more soon please

[The Rose24]

Now, the spell is broken. It is time to deal with the aftermath.

I have a feeling the worst isn't over.

Tara, please come out of that coma!

[Numen]

Oh my Goddes!! Wow, I...Wow! I cried two times while reading this update. First at the beginning, when Willow got her memories back.

The tears rolled freely now. Tara’s admission of love, before anything had even happened between them. She had been so brave. And her bravery showed more every day. Willow didn’t deserve her. With another tear, Willow’s eyes returned to their normal color. The green that Tara had fallen in love with resurfaced. Willow took a deep breath and continued to stare at Rack. She took a step back and shook her head.



“She loves me,” Willow said, as if realizing it for the first time. “All she wanted was me.” Willow took another step back and her legs hit the bed. She sat on the mattress and looked down at her hands. “Never again,” she whispered. “I don’t deserve her.” Willow sobbed into her hands, forgetting that Rack was even in the room.

Specially at that part.
Then, when Buffy says that Tara is in coma.

Buffy slowly lowered herself to the floor and wrapped her arms around Willow as they cried together

Can I go there and cry together with them? Pretty please?

[cantbefredless]

WOW!!!! omg wow!! im speechless right now.

Tho im sorry for the late feedback, but Tara is in a coma nooooo.... and more more more im just going to set up camp waiting for an update.... *starts a small fire* hehehe

[dlline]

Sara,

I'm back and feeling much better, so here's the feedback I promised you.

I love the beginning of this update. The flood of memories, good mixed with bad, is very well done. I also think it was very well done how Willow realized that she was the guilty party here. It’s a much better take on the story that they gave us on TV. I know we all had to struggle with sad Willow crying on the bathroom floor, but it just sucked that losing Tara wasn’t enough to make her stop. She gets it now, and that’s just great.

I have to also say here that I love the idea of magically binding Rack’s power. It was kinda cool in the original watching Evil Willow fry his wicked ass, but the binding seems much more, umm, diplomatic. And, of course, I loved Buffy’s shot to the nuts. Just made me smile, but I’m kinda sick that way.

She began to pull the warlock towards the door, intentionally banging his head on every hard object in the way.

This was just funny, so I had to mention it. Well done.

I know Buffy has taken some heat in this update, but I’m coming out in support of her. (What? Diane is on Buffy’s side? What?) I know, she’s not my favorite because I find her to be generally vapid and secondary, but she was right here. Willow needed a sound slap to the back of the head, and Buffy came through, just like a truly supportive friend should.

This was a great update and I’m so very impressed with the tale you’re weaving. You’re writing is strong (I daresay it’s getting better with each installment), and I’m really impressed. Keep up the good work…can’t wait for more.

Diane

[tazraven]

Woohoo! I'm surpised that amidst all the fabulous updates, my fic recieved some replies. Thankyou loyal fans


Julia: Hi! Congrats on the dibs. So, I'm now only a little bit evil? Guess that's an improvement.

I'm a little angry that she's accusing Willow like that. Okay it was wrong, okay it could have been very bad, but Willow may loose her everything (she batrayed her but she loves her), and Buffy was the one making Willow feel guilty.

I can definitely see that. Willow is in a bad position right now any way you look at it. This is canon Buffy though, and she tends to be all high and mighty.

But don't get me wrong, I think how Buffy is acting is how she is... I mean it's her character you know?

Lol, exactly.

Is that because she has only light magic and that her system isn't able to support the blackness of Rack's magic? Or is it just because you want to be evil?

Hmm, can't really tell you that Guess you'll have to read the next chapter to find out. You have a right to be scared that the binding won't hold, but once again, answers will be in the next chapter. Thanks for reading!



Dianneswillowtree: Sorry, had to stop. But I promise the next chapter will be up as soon as I can get it to ya'll. And thanks for the compliment. If I had worked for Joss, you can bet a certain season would have ended up much differently Thanks for reading.



The Rose24: Hi. Time to deal with the aftermath is right. Now, why does everyone think the worst isn't over? Hmm, I guess I haven't given you any reason to think it isn't. Guess you'll have to wait and see. Thanks for the feedback.



Numen: Hi

I cried two times while reading this update.

Did you really? I mean, I don't want to make anyone cry, but that's high praise for an author. Thanks so much. And hey, if I could send you into my ficverse, I would totally let you cry with them. *Writes Numen into the story so she can cry with Willow and Buffy* Thanks for reading.



cantbefredless: Hiya. No worries for late feedback. And ya, Tara is in a coma. Sorry about that.

*starts a small fire*

Lol, I hope I can get the next chapter to you before you have to start foraging for food. Thanks for reading.



Diane: Hey Diane I'm glad you're feeling better. And I'm sorry it took me a while to write feedback on yours. Stupid school, grumble grumble. Anyways, glad you loved the beginning. I loved it too actually. It was fun to write

I also think it was very well done how Willow realized that she was the guilty party here.

I know we all had to struggle with sad Willow crying on the bathroom floor, but it just sucked that losing Tara wasn’t enough to make her stop.

I always hated that about the show. I mean, it should have been enough really. Which is why I like that I was able to deliver a second chance for our girls that everyone seems to like. The summary for this fic since the beginning was another look for a second chance for our girls. I hope I've delivered on that so far.

I have to also say here that I love the idea of magically binding Rack’s power. It was kinda cool in the original watching Evil Willow fry his wicked ass, but the binding seems much more, umm, diplomatic. And, of course, I loved Buffy’s shot to the nuts. Just made me smile, but I’m kinda sick that way.

You know, I actually wanted to kill the guy. But then I thought, he's probably human. And if I want to erase the mistakes, that I better not kill him. Lol, but it was definitely a thought. Oh, and kicking him in the nuts? Had to be a part of the fight. In fact, it had been a thing in my head since I decided Buffy would fight Rack, hehe. Just had to have it there.

I know Buffy has taken some heat in this update, but I’m coming out in support of her.

Willow needed a sound slap to the back of the head, and Buffy came through, just like a truly supportive friend should.

Oddly enough, you're the only one who seems to see it that way. Besides me. I thought I was actually being pretty soft on Willow. I mean, I love her character, but this was sort of all her fault. Ya, Buffy's made some mistakes too, but someone needed to kick Willow in the butt, and Buffy's character seemed the perfect one to do it. Thanks so much for the compliments. It means alot that you think my writing is strong Thanks again for the feedback.



~Sara

[watty]

Interesting how each of the Scoobies deal with their memories returning. Willow withdraws into mild panic, but I'm glad she found the sense somewhere inside to stop becoming Dark Magic Willow. The spiral of self-recriminations and guilt trips is starting, so she needs her friends to snap her out of it. Buffy,

Unlike Willow, she overcame the shock quickly.

I'm really happy she got back into Slayer mode immediately, now she just needs to not go back to depressed!Buffy mode.

Am I right in saying that Rack wasn't affected by the memory spell? How far can his magic be bound by Giles' binding spell, it seems he's too powerful a warlock to be bound so easily.

Now to deal with Tara in a coma. Eeeek.
[br]

[Emms]

Oh how incredibly sad...

One question though, did everyone get their memories back or just Willow?

And Tara's in a coma.... soooo not good.

I liked the way you wrote Willow getting her memory back, and how her eyes kept switching from black to green...

can't wait for the next chapter.

xoxo
Emms

[tazraven]

More replies



watty: Hello Good to know you thought it was interesting. Ya, Willow did sort of go into panic mode, didn't she. And Buffy always tends to go back to slayer mode

Am I right in saying that Rack wasn't affected by the memory spell? How far can his magic be bound by Giles' binding spell, it seems he's too powerful a warlock to be bound so easily.

Yes, you would be right about him not being affected. No reason that he should have been that I can really think of. And the other question? Well, can't really answer that. But, I can tell you that the story will answer it. Thanks for reading.


Emms: Hi I'm sorry you're sad.

did everyone get their memories back or just Willow?

Oh, sorry if that wasn't clear. Everyone got their memories back. Buffy dealt with it rather quickly since her ass-kicking skills were urgently needed, and Giles got over it too since his magic skills were needed. There will be a more in-depth look at the scoobies reactions to their memories soon.

I liked the way you wrote Willow getting her memory back, and how her eyes kept switching from black to green...

I'm glad you liked that Lol, I was actually proud of it. Willow's eyes were always a big thing for me in the show. Besides being able to tell just about every emotion from her eyes, you could also tell what type of magic she was using. Thanks for the feedback.


~Sara

[Halo]

Hello!
I just read the whole story, and wow! This is really good! Your title immediately raised my attention, a fic based on Tabula Rasa...cool! And now that I've read it...

There are so many twists in your story, I love it! Well Tara is in a coma for now, but not for long, RIGHT?? and Willow fought the black magic! (now who is going to kick Rack? lol I hope we'll see that!). Buffy seems to handle the situation pretty well ( better than in the show at that moment) but is the situation with Giles going to be the same, with him leaving and all?

Last thing, thank god, you gave Anya and Alex a clue about their relationship! Of course "anya and rupy" were hilarious together, but if it had continued... ew!
I can't wait to see your next update!

[BlackIndiaInk]

I just caught up with this and I have enjoyed what you have posted so far immensely. I always wondered what would happen if Xander had never stepped on that crystal. I was dissapointed when he did... even though I knew he had to so we could wrap it all up in a neat 45 minute package. Now, I get to read an alternate version. Oooo, happy day.

Tara in a coma... how worrisome. I am guessing more of what she was dreaming about will be revealed while she is down for the count, so there is an upside. Maybe that is where her forgiveness of Willow might come from or begin from. I am looking forward to seeing how Willow is going to deal with what she has done. More please.

Brea

[tazraven]

More feedback! I'm trying to get the chapter done as quickly as possible everyone. Now that one of my finals is finished, I shoudl have time to work on it. Thanks for hanging in there. And by the way, we're nearing the end of the story. A few more chapters ought to do it.



Halo: Hi Thanks for reading it. I'm so happy you've enjoyed it so far. Hehe, I love this ep, so to be able to write a fic about it is alot of fun.

There are so many twists in your story, I love it! Well Tara is in a coma for now, but not for long, RIGHT??

Lol, I can't really say anything abotu that, but I can promise the story will have a happy ending, as dictated by the FAQ's.

Last thing, thank god, you gave Anya and Alex a clue about their relationship! Of course "anya and rupy" were hilarious together, but if it had continued... ew!

You know, it's so funny that you mention this. One of the kinks when I was working out this story, was the relationship between Giles and Anya. I mean, it was funny for a few minutes, but then it got into a serious eww factor. I really couldn't have them in a relationship for the entire fic. I mean, I wouldn't want to see it, let alone write it Thanks so much for reading and for the feedback.


BlackIndiaInk: Hey I'm happy you're enjoying it. Always a good thing to hear. I always wondered what would have happened too. I guess that's why I couldn't resist writing a story about it Though this is just my idea for an alternate version. There's plenty that could be done with this. I wonder what other people would do with it...

I am guessing more of what she was dreaming about will be revealed while she is down for the count, so there is an upside.

I love when feedback gives me ideas. Thanks for that I had an idea forming, but that really sort of cemented down something for me. Thanks for reading.


~Sara

[tazraven]

Here's the latest chapter. Short, but I hope you all enjoy it.



Title: Tabula Rasa Perpetua
Author: TazRaven
Distribution: Anyone who wants to use it, just ask.
Feedback: Yes, please. I love it.
Disclaimers: Willow and Tara and the rest of the Buffy gang and Buffyverse are not mine, but I wish they were.
Summary: The Buffy gang has to live with the effects of the Tabula Rasa spell a little longer than what originally happened.
Rating: PG
Timeline: Everything up until The Tabula Rasa spell is the same. The changes start happening a little bit into the spell.
Author's Notes: A few chapters left everyone… we’re nearing the end.



Tabula Rasa Perpetua



Chapter 11- Realizations



You didn’t have to do that, you know. I mean, it was meant for me. Tara was lying against a tree trunk, her legs stretched out in front of her with Willow lying in between.



I wanted to. I just couldn’t let him do that to you. Tara pulled Willow closer and luxuriated in the feel of the lithe woman’s body pressed against her own.



Do you think you’ll… Willow trailed off, unsure of what to say.



Wake up, you mean? Tara shook her head and sighed. I don’t know. I mean, I want to. But my body, I don’t think what he did, I’m fighting it. Tara sighed again and kissed Willow on the top of her head.



I’m sorry, about everything. I know you can’t forgive me for it all. I mean, I don’t really expect it. Willow started to shake as tears ran down her face. What I did, I don’t deserve forgiveness, especially from you. Her voice shook with sadness.



Tara stiffened as she felt Willow sob. She didn’t release her grip on Willow, but she didn’t tighten it either. What she did, Tara thought. Tears formed in Tara’s eyes as she thought about what Willow had done to her. Very slowly, Tara released her hold on Willow and rose from the ground. She shook her head as she walked away from Willow.



-------------------



“Is he bound?” The entire group sat around Buffy’s kitchen table, Rack still physically and magically tied up in the basement.



“Ah, yes. The binding I used was simple, but effective. I put the picture into a box and locked it with a spell. If anyone else tries to open that box but me, they will be knocked unconscious with a sleeping spell, and I will know immediately.”



“So, what do we do with him?” Xander asked hesitantly. “I mean, we can’t just let him go.”



Giles nodded and put forth his own suggestion. “Quite right. It would be irresponsible to let Rack go without any precautions. I think it might be wise to hand him over to the coven in England. They’ve dealt with this type of situation before.”



Buffy quickly looked around the table, and finding no one who opposed the idea, quietly agreed. “So,” she ventured, “how are you all doing?”



“Well, besides my memories taking an unexpected vacation, doing pretty good I think.” Xander sighed and looked at Buffy with sad eyes. “I’ve known her since forever, Buff. You’d think I’d know her better.”



Buffy nodded her head solemnly. “We talked, sort of, tonight, after we admitted Tara. Willow’s giving it up, the magick thing.”



“Well thank goodness for that,” Anya said exasperatedly. “I’d hate to be engaged to Giles again. God, what a nightmare that was.”



Giles opened his mouth to respond and then thought better of it, pulling his glasses off and rubbing them furiously with a handkerchief.



Dawn placed her head on the table and sighed. “I just want it to be like it was,” she mumbled.



Buffy looked over at Dawn and smiled slightly. The expression felt foreign. Ever since she’d been brought back, smiling had seemed impossible. Dawn was still a child, and for the first time since coming back from Heaven, Buffy felt the urge to see the type of person Dawn would be. The epiphany was so sudden and unexpected; Buffy felt tears forming in her eyes. She sniffled, then instinctively reached over and grabbed her sister in a tight hug. Dawn squeaked, but soon relaxed into the unexpected show of affection.



“Well then,” Giles said. He smiled slightly and placed his glasses back on the bridge of his nose. Before he could put his handkerchief back in his pocket, he was caught in an embrace. “Buffy!” He tried to yell, but found his breath squeezed out of him. “Slayer strength,” he was able to whisper.



“Oh!” Buffy exclaimed. “Sorry, Giles,” she said meekly. She smiled happily when she saw Xander pouting. “Alright, one for you too.” She walked over and caught Xander in a tight hug, impulsively pulling Anya in as well.



-------------------



Willow sat at Tara’s bedside. She held her hand tightly, gripping her fingers as if trying to pull Tara back from wherever she was. The fluorescent lights that lined the ceiling blinked every few minutes, making the room that smelled like antiseptic and sickness even more uncomfortable than it already was. Willow had barely left Tara’s side in two weeks. Every day she took a half hour to shower and get changed into the new clothes Buffy brought to her, taking only a few minutes beyond that to use the bathroom. She ate all of her meals right next to the sleeping blonde, either eating a sandwich Buffy had made her or food Buffy had picked up.



She gazed at Tara’s features, willing her eyes to open so that she could once again see the beautiful blue that hid beneath. With her other hand, Willow let her fingertips travel down Tara’s face. Her well sculpted nose, defined cheekbones, full lips. The skin that was usually pale was even more so now, from weeks of lying in an artificially lit room. Tears ran down Willow’s face as she gazed at the beautiful woman lying in front of her. The guilt over what she’d done had not lessened over the last two weeks, and Willow didn’t think it ever would. She didn’t think she deserved her guilt to be absolved. She was certain that when Tara woke up, the blonde would never want to see her again; but still Willow sat by the bed, refusing to leave until Tara woke up and told her to go. She kept a tight hold on Tara’s fingers, only releasing her grip slightly as sleep claimed her mind.



-------------------



Tara walked for what seemed like hours or days, although the landscape around her never changed. It was like a film strip, stuck on the same reel playing over and over. She passed the grassy field, the tree where Willow sat, crying over her guilt. Again and again she watched the same scene. Did Willow deserve forgiveness? Tara asked herself. She had cast a spell on the blonde witch not once, but twice. But at the same time, she could remember everything that had happened during those few days. The way they had professed their love for one another within a day of meeting, they way they had made love, and the way Willow had turned down Rack’s dark magick. She couldn’t dismiss everything Willow had done in the absence of memories. But there were things she didn’t know.



The last thing Tara remembered was going to sleep in Willow’s arms, and then waking up for the briefest of moments to stop Rack from infecting Willow with his dark magick touch. What happened? She thought to herself. Did she hurt him? Kill him? Tara shook her head. She wouldn’t find those answers here. Tara closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her body was healed, the dark magick purged from her soul. It was time to wake up.



-------------------



Willow was still dreaming. She was lying in Tara’s arms, and everything was perfect. She felt Tara squeeze her hand softly. Willow smiled and squeezed back, slowly coming out of the dream. Tara squeezed her hand again and Willow opened her mouth to ask what she wanted. Before she could, the dream was gone, but the squeezing continued. Willow blinked sleepily, trying to figure out what was happening. Another squeeze. Willow blinked again, and she suddenly realized who was squeezing her hand.



Willow pulled her eyes immediately to Tara’s face, and her jaw dropped at the sight of the blonde’s eyelids fluttering. She squeezed her hand back and waited for Tara to wake up. With one more squeeze, Tara’s eyes opened slightly. She blinked and they opened wider. Her eyes drifted downwards to her hand, and then up to the woman squeezing her fingers. Willow felt tears form in her eyes as she looked upon the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. Tara, with her blue eyes wide open.


-------------------


~Sara

[JujuDeRoussie]

DIBS!!!

Update!! I love your surprise ^^

She woke up!!! But what will happen? I'll see in the next chapter ^^

I love the switch between Tara's landscape and Willow's thoughts.

So many days in the coma... poor Tara... but her soul is healed... so she's not become addictive right?
Good thing ^^

they just have to fix things and trust issues... and then they'll be able to live happily ever after until an eventual sequel

Once again thank you for your update, you made my evening ^^

Talk to you soon,

Julia

[aerynmoon]

Yay for Sara and her awesome fic!!! I love you sweetie

[The Rose24]

Tara is awake!

Now, Willow and Tara have a lot of issues to work through.

[dlline]

Sara, great update. Sorry for the lateness of the feedback, but I thought I already wrote it. I get a little scattered sometimes. Oops.

Again, we got some insight into Tara's thoughts here. I like the coma dreams, although it made me a little uncomfortable that she walked away at the end of the dream. It is absolutely the right way to play it (IMO), but it's still sad.

It's also nice that we got to see Buffy shake off some of her "I'm back and everything sucks" funk. I always thought it was kinda weak in the series that it took near destruction of the world to shake her out of her own head. I think this works better.

Willow felt tears form in her eyes as she looked upon the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. Tara, with her blue eyes wide open.

I just hope this is not the calm before the storm. I would assume, at this point, that Tara is feeling more than a little betrayed (well, after groggy as hell). Waking up to the face of the person who basically landed her in the hospital (indirectly) would have to be a little weird. Maybe, that's just me.

Anyway, keep up the good work. I know you'll fix everything...that is what we try to do here, after all. I'm excited to see what happens next.

Diane

[tazraven]

Sorry for the late replies... been working on my portfolio.



Julia: Hey I'm glad you liked the surprise. And I could tell you what will happen, but I'd rather you read the next chapter

I love the switch between Tara's landscape and Willow's thoughts.

Glad you liked that. I had some fun writing the dream sequences. Fun to play with. And ya, poor Tara. And no, she's not addictive. Promise.

they just have to fix things and trust issues... and then they'll be able to live happily ever after until an eventual sequel

Lol, seems easy enough, and a sequel, huh? Not sure about that, but it's a thought. Thanks for reading and for the feedback.



aerynmoon: Hi sweetie Thanks for the message. Love you too


The Rose24: Hiya. Tara is awake, and ya, they do have some issues to work though. But remember, there will be a happy ending Thanks for reading.


dlline: Hey Diane No worries for lateness. My brain is scattered too sometimes, or most of the time. Oh hell, almost all the time. Anyways, glad you like the dreams. Like I said above, I really like writing those. I'm sorry it made you uncomfortable to see Tara walk away from her, but I am glad you thought I was right to write it that way.

It's also nice that we got to see Buffy shake off some of her "I'm back and everything sucks" funk. I always thought it was kinda weak in the series that it took near destruction of the world to shake her out of her own head. I think this works better.

Thankyou so much. I always thought it was ridiculous that Buffy only gets out of her "I was in heaven, now I'm not" funk with the world almost being destroyed. Grr, stupid Buffy. You'd think she would have realized that if her friends hadn't gotten her back, they would have all died. But who cares, she was in heaven right? Wouldn't have known a darn thing. Sorry. Sometimes I rant, and I'll shut up now.

I just hope this is not the calm before the storm. I would assume, at this point, that Tara is feeling more than a little betrayed (well, after groggy as hell). Waking up to the face of the person who basically landed her in the hospital (indirectly) would have to be a little weird. Maybe, that's just me.

Lol, not just you. I can't imagine it would be all hugs and puppies if I woke up to the person who indirectly landed me in the hospital. Guess you'll have to wait and see. Thanks so much for reading and for your feedback.



~Sara

[cantbefredless]

sorry for the late feedback.. i had some troubles last week but,...


TARA is awake yay!! but at the same time uh oh.. things go good.. but i cant wait for the next chapter.. hehe!!!!

[tazraven]

cantbefredless: Hey no worries on the late feedback. And good news! No more waiting. The next chapter is below. Thanks for reading.



Hey everyone... here's the next chapter. I think there's about 2 more after this, so get ready for the end. Um, also, be warned that there is a slight cliffy at the end of this. Only in the slightest-ish sense. Have a good read, kittens!



Title: Tabula Rasa Perpetua
Author: TazRaven
Distribution: Anyone who wants to use it, just ask.
Feedback: Yes, please. I love it.
Disclaimers: Willow and Tara and the rest of the Buffy gang and Buffyverse are not mine, but I wish they were.
Summary: The Buffy gang has to live with the effects of the Tabula Rasa spell a little longer than what originally happened.
Rating: PG
Timeline: Everything up until The Tabula Rasa spell is the same. The changes start happening a little bit into the spell.
Author's Notes: We’re nearing the end.



Tabula Rasa Perpetua



Chapter 12- Accusations



Tara squeezed her eyes shut almost as soon as she had opened them. The bright lights were irritating, and she wasn’t used to the fluorescent glow of the room. She willed her eyes to open again, and gasped softly as her mind cleared and the memories of everything that had happened returned. The spell, Willow, Rack, the coma. It all returned with blinding speed, and Tara did not even realize that tears had started to fall from her eyes. She squeezed them shut as hot tears escaped, cooling on her skin as they rolled down her cheeks. She almost screamed when someone touched her hand, but in the next moment calmed herself as she realized the touch belonged to Willow. The tears continued to burn trails down her face. Willow.



Tara opened her eyes, ignoring the slight burning sensation of the salty tears. She looked at Willow, and the tears fell faster. “W-W-Will…” Tara tried to speak, but the combination of her anxiety and unused vocal chords only let a whisper escape. She turned her head to the side, looking for a glass of water. Willow immediately understood and dropped Tara’s hand for a moment to pour the blonde a drink. With shaking hands, Willow lifted the glass to Tara’s lips while the other hand helped to sit Tara up. When she had had her fill of water, Willow pulled the glass away and let her hand pull away from Tara’s back. She couldn’t stop her hands from shaking, and only the greatest self control was keeping her from pulling the blonde into her arms. She knew Tara remembered, and it was not Willow’s place to comfort her unless she asked. I don’t deserve to comfort her.



Tara cleared her throat as best she could, trying to stop crying long enough to ask Willow a few questions. She breathed deeply and sat up slightly, wincing as she used muscles that hadn’t been used in weeks. Looking into Willow’s eyes, she felt her breath catch as it always did, but pushed down the feeling. Now was not the time for love and compassion. “Willow...” Tara took another deep breath to center herself. “What happened, the night that…” She trailed off again, not wanting to use the warlock’s name. “The night that he tried to poison you. Did you… use dark magick?” Tara couldn’t look at Willow as she asked the question. Did you kill him? She asked internally, not quite willing to ask that question.



Willow could no longer keep her tears at bay anymore. In an explosion of words, Willow told Tara everything that had happened that night. She told her about the dark magick surfacing, her desire to kill Rack, her memories coming back, everything. Each confession was lined with more apologies that Tara could stomach, and yet it didn’t seem enough. All Tara could think of through the entire confession was how Willow had betrayed her. Not once, but twice. She had used magick on her, and on her friends. The crime was heinous enough, but for Tara to be her lover as well as another witch, just made the situation worse.



After Willow’s enormous declaration of guilt, she let her head fall forwards on to the bed, the tears soaking into the bed sheets. Tara looked at the distraught red-head, a pang of longing hitting with each sob Willow released. Once again, she pushed down the feelings. She needed time to sort through everything. Willow had taken her memories. She had toyed with her mind and betrayed her trust. And yet, she had turned down the dark magick, resisted its siren call when it was at its most alluring.



“Two weeks today,” she heard Willow whisper. “Two weeks, since he… since you… and two weeks since I gave up magick.” Willow continued to look down at the bed, unable to meet the blue of Tara’s eyes. Finally gathering the courage, she looked up and felt an infusion of warmth in her soul, as she did every time she looked at the blonde wiccan.



Tara looked back at Willow. All she wanted to do was gather the red-head in her arms and forgive her of everything. She wanted to hold her until the end of forever. But no matter what her heart told her, it was not the time. Tara looked at Willow, her heart breaking as she opened her mouth to speak the words that she knew would send Willow into a pit of despair. “Willow,” she said quietly, “I love you.” She almost began to cry again at the smile that appeared on Willow’s face. “But I can’t be with you, not right now.” Tara started crying again, while the smile that had threatened to engulf Willow’s face fell. “What you did, to me… I don’t know if I can forgive that.” By now, Willow was crying as well. She opened her mouth to speak, but Tara stopped her with a slightly raised hand. “I love you, Willow, but I need you to go now.”



Willow looked at Tara, the tears that ran down her face leaving visible trails of pain. She gazed into the sea of Tara’s blue eyes one last time before nodding slightly and standing up from the chair. At the door, Willow paused and then turned around. “I love you, Tara. Always.” Without another word, Willow left the room and Tara cried. She cried for Willow’s betrayal, and she cried for Willow’s foray into dark magick. But most of all, she cried for her soul breaking at the absence of Willow.



-----------------


~Sara

[JujuDeRoussie]

DIBS ^^

Is it some sort of a joke Mademoiselle Sara?? it is not fun

It's short but I think that you wrote well this short but important part of the story
I mean, we can see why Tara does that, why Willow is sad (Duh) and also why she can't fight for Tara right now.
Still... you have to make it better otherwise I'll pout >____< lol

Thank you

Julia

[cantbefredless]

oh soo good and sad

[dlline]

Sara-

Great update. Short and to the point.

Tara looked back at Willow. All she wanted to do was gather the red-head in her arms and forgive her of everything. She wanted to hold her until the end of forever. But no matter what her heart told her, it was not the time.

Good for Tara. She's smart enough to fight off the warm fuzzies to take stock of everything that's happened. I know you left us hanging, but that was a great place to stop. Let us all think about what might happen next.

Well done, again.

Diane