Disclaimer: Willow belongs to Joss Whedon. Tara is already dead that’s why she is hours now -- oh, wait, what? The copyright law still says otherwise? Darn – okay, fine *grumble grumble* . Tara still belongs to Joss. So don’t sue me, okay?
Author’s Note: sad fic… but please don’t let that stop you.
STAINED GLASS WINDOWS
“I miss the colors.”
“Uhm, what was that, sweetie?” Tara asked, her blue eyes fixed in wonder as she glanced towards the redhead who was absent-mindedly tracing the droplets of rain that slid down against the glass as she sat calmly in that spot in the corner of the room.
“It was a Saturday. And the sun shone above us like a greeting…” Willow said in a soft voice as she began her story, “…but it wasn’t hot, though, it was kind of windy…”
Tara made a sad smile as memories of that day flashed across her mind, she stood up from the edge of the bed and walked slowly towards Willow, “…yup, it sure was…and you wouldn’t allow me to wear that skirt I bought the day before. You were afraid…”
“Paranoid.” Willow interjected; “I was paranoid that the wind will blow too hard and lift everything of what that skirt was made of…” she was smiling now as she lifted her head to gaze at her one true love. Up until that day Willow couldn’t believe how blessed she was that the deities believed in her enough and gave her a second chance with Tara.
“Yeah. Which was impossible since, goddess, the fabric? The cut? I mean, only Willow-wind could *ever*lift that skirt!” Tara rolled her eyes but she wasn’t actually upset, just teasing at the redhead’s tendency to get overreact-y at these things. But she does admit that it was kind of sweet of Willow… to protect her and make her feel extra safe even when there really isn’t any need to.
“Which I did the very evening I finally allowed you to wear it.” Willow propped her chin towards Tara as an evil grin slowly formed in her lips that made the blonde let out a fairly loud enough laugh.
“Sure you did, didn’t you, honey? And I can see that you are darn proud of it.” Tara said, pleased that Willow was finally being able to smile after spending a few weeks in silent woe.
“Still am.” Willow turned her head so that the right side of her cheek would almost touch the glass, again tracing the water droplets. It hasn’t stopped raining yet.
Tara knew these moments. Moments when Willow needed silence. Moments when she just have be there for the woman she so dearly loves. Tara took a deep breath, and looked out the window herself, ‘heaven’s…crying…’ she thought to herself as she felt Willow’s hand touch hers. She looked down to meet Willow’s warm gaze. Warm enough to surround her as the cold air crept from the outside, finding their way through the inside of the room in this cold, tranquil night.
Willow mouthed the words for Tara to come sit with her in the loveseat. Tara obliged as she walked ever so carefully towards that spot in the seat that Willow patted with her right hand. Ever so carefully that she wouldn’t disturb the IV lines that connected Willow’s left into bottles of clear fluids that had been sustaining the redhead for quite some time now.
The moment Tara sat, Willow immediately wrapped her hands around the blonde. Unlike Tara, she didn’t care whether the tubes be disconnected from her veins. The only connection she really ever needed was with this woman whose body is gently pressed against hers. Everything that she needed connection-wise is leaning against her chest, feeling the steady rhythm of her heart.
Tara felt Willow enveloping her, hugging her tight just like the redhead always did whenever she feels inadequate. She felt Willow’s chin rest at her left shoulder, reminding her of the time when Willow assured Tara that she was ‘one of the good guys’.
Tears were threatening to fall now. And Willow wouldn’t allow that. ‘Not this time’ she told herself. It is not that crying was a big no-no in their relationship, it was actually very much welcome. But this time was different. This was the moment she needed to be strong for her everything. For Tara.
“Where was I? I mean, story-wise.” She asked playfully, not taking her chin off from where it rested. She could smell the familiar scent of Tara’s shampoo as the blonde’s hair lazily rested on her shoulders relaxing their way down to the small of her back.
Tara smiled, her own hands finding their way to Willow’s right in front of her belly. “You were on two different parts, actually.” She turned her head slightly to her left to meet Willow’s questioning gaze.
“Two different parts? Wha—How did that happen?” Willow pulled back slightly. Yeah, how did that happen, exactly?
Tara let out a little laugh, “Well, the first part… it was about how the day was windy when we were in Rome two years ago… the second was about the night two days after the windy day when we were in Rome two years ago.”
“Oh.” Willow said, faking an astonished expression. “Okay then… which part do you prefer? You’re the storytellee here.”
“The first part.” Tara replied matter-of-factly.
“Me too.” A genuine smile played across Willow’s lips as she hugged the blonde more tightly and prepared for the story’s continuation. “We saw this place, it was sort of like a chapel, but it didn’t have the traditional crosses and idols. There were just…walls… with the paint chipping off them. And funny cause they looked really rusty even though the place wasn’t made of iron…”
Tara closed her eyes as she recalled the two of them touching, feeling those walls. They were rough, and true enough, the place itself seemed very old. But aside form the touch and the feeling; there was something more in that place that she remembered.
While they were inside, Tara could feel everything surrounding her, every time she and Willow would lock eyes, it was like they were breathing at the same time. The silence the secluded place provided made them feel like they could hear each other’s heartbeats even from a distance. The rhythms were the same. They were in tune, like in a dance. It was when realization sank in. That was it. That was the time to do what has to be done. Two years ago, inside the chapel…
“I love you, Willow.” Tara said in a soft tone, the memories of that day still playing themselves on repeat both in her mind and in her heart.
“I love you, too, Tara. So very much.” Willow was facing Tara now. Exhaustion evident on both their faces, but Willow saw something more in Tara’s eyes and without warning tears fell down from her blonde lover’s eyes. “Shhh… Baby, it’s okay.”
“No, Willow, it is not. It will never be okay.” Tara’s voice was harsh and pleading. Holding on to every word as fear vibrated from within each sound she made. Hoping that if she emphasized her needs enough, things will change and a miracle will happen, one way or another.
“It will be. You have to trust me on this one, Baby. You have to be strong now. Like an Amazon.” Willow lifted Tara’s gaze from where they were fixed then – the floor – by cupping her wet cheeks. And lips met lips in a manner shared for like the millionth time, however the feeling of bliss and comfort never diminishing, rather reminding them of all the reasons why they should stay together.
“I don’t know if I can, Will. So please… don’t.”
“If I had a choice you know I won’t. I will never leave you. Not this way. Not now. But I am tired, Baby. I really am…” The honestly in willow’s voice was unmistakable. She took Tara’s hands in her own and rested them in her chest, “I told you once that this heart will beat only for you…and it still will up to the last thump. But we have to face the fact that one day the beating will eventually, actually stop. Not because I don’t love you any more but because it is the fabric of life.”
“And then was happens?” Tara was angry, why do they always leave?
“You take me with you. And make me a part of you. Inside your heart, that’s where I’ll be, Baby. That is where I will be waiting for you.”
Tara nodded. She now understands. Willow smiled. The leaves rustled from outside. The rain has stopped. The redhead closed her eyes. Their hands still entwined.
Inside the chapel they walked towards each other slowly. Very calm. Very sure. They stopped in the middle of the place where a huge stained glass window stood in the background. The sun’s rays made the window radiate colors that danced on the cement flooring. As the women’s hands touched, it was done. A promise. A vow. One that would last more than a lifetime and would surely survive the other ones that would follow. Their connection was beyond this world. Beyond this age. It stretches on forever, like an ocean of time.
Finis
Okay, I made this one about an hour ago… I know I should let loose on the sad stories, but, that’s just my style.
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"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"