NEW FIC -- TEMPUS FUGIT (S7)

[lipkandy]

hey kitties,

I know I've set a blistering pace here and I'm trying to keep it going. but the next part includes Willow Tara which always takes a little more time so...hopefully by wednesday.



and thanks as usual for the incredible and insightful feedback:



bigdummyhey hotlanta!okay, that's the first time I've ever been called the Mistress of anything. I totally agree with you about the loss of humanity on the show. and I'm not even watching this season. S6 was bad enough on that front. and faith and buffy in the hospital *sigh* that's something I've been thinking about since This Year's Girl aired. buffy's supposed to be the hero, but she spends more time creating enemies through selfish and/or wilfull inaction than she does fighting them.



tommo I'm right there with you on Tara (okay, well not on Tara ). there's no decision to make and this Willow could do no less. also as far as Tara's immeasurable strength. I think it was brought up in the S& thread, the shift on the show to equating strength with traditionally masculine qualities -- that only alphadog, hyper-aggressive loners (which is strange 'cause that's a perfect description of the old baddie Faith) are strong enough. so of course soft, gentle, generous Tara who has survived untold horrors at the hands of demons, hell-gods and her own family couldn't possibly have any strength!!! don't get me started *grumble*



jessan15 hey and thanks! Tara knows everything...and Tara KNOWS. and maybe that's why she has so much hope and buffy, I can't think of much she doesn't regret, but what did she regret at that tempus fugit moment? okay, too many hints. shutting up now.



extraflameywt sorry for the 'eep'. I know, I wasn't expecting such a cliffhanger either. I mean, I knew it was coming, I just didn't expect it to be that big of a dropoff.



jixer yes, but it's about time they deal with some of the pain of loss directly. and buffy definitely needs to face the potential of losing Willow (something that never happened in S6). maybe she'd stop taking her for granted. and as we all know, Tara doesn't need to swing an axe to be superwoman. even if it is kind of hot when she does and updates coming. I promise.



thanks again and I hear that whip cracking



xomel

[tommo]

Quote:

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that only alphadog, hyper-aggressive loners (which is strange 'cause that's a perfect description of the old baddie Faith) are strong enough.

---

Which is in itself a really interesting notion, because out of all of the Scoobies (or adopted Scoobies/Slayers/whatever, heh), I think Faith was one of the weakest people on the show. Emotionally speaking, that is. That's what you've brought out here as well, and I'm thankful for those layers. Eliza always played it like that on the show. In some ways, I'd have loved to have seen Faith and Tara interact in another kind of way than what we were given, because I think there is a lot Faith could have learned from the quiet strength of Tara.



Anyhoo, hey ho. Just my two penn'orth.

In you the song which rights my wrongs; In you the fullness of living;
The power to begin again; From right now, in you...

[darkmagicwillow]

It's scary to see Willow so committed and so weakened already by the spell; of course, Tara's noticed, but what can or will she do? It was good seeing Buffy notice and realize, with the threat of losing Willow, how much her best friend still means to her.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[snuggle79]

Terrific update!!

Buffy is getting wise girl out of sudden, huh?

I liked her thoughts about seeing the younger Tara version.

I so can understand Willow's feelings and reasons not to leave Tara. I'm curious to see the next step.



Oh, and yeah, "vielen Dank" was right.

how about "bitte schön", know that one? It means you're welcome!

snuggle79

________________________________________

"Imagination is more important than knowledge

[JewWitch18]

wow! I take a short kitty-hiatus for midterms, and come back to find three (3) splendiferous updates to one of my favorite stories! this calls for woo... and hoo! so you get both.



seriously, what a smattering of really good writing here. I loved the tenderness of buffy's scene with faith in the hospital, especially her preoccupation with the chapped lips, and all their emblematic vulnerability (I got hung up on that too, both for faith and willow when she was dark-magic willow). the relationship between buffy and faith has always been so incredibly complex, and full of such intensity that you don't know what hate or love really are...or tenderness and betrayal. and then going back to the "now," when asshole xander (very well written!) is trying to "explain" to dawn why faith is simply a bad guy and hates buffy and wants to kill her...it's such a good, clear moment for dawn, and for the audience, just how much more she sees than xander, and always has, and just how fierce faith's feelings for buffy are, and how complex.



I also really liked dawn's inner-monologue on family...letting her trust in tara lead her back to her trust in willow...that was just beautiful. you do such good reclamation work. summed up beautifully in:

Quote:

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"Well, it’s more complicated now…" the redhead began and trailed off, glancing quickly at the floating sphere. There was something she wasn’t telling her. She knew the way secrets felt. They were the atmosphere and oxygen of their lives, in the future.



But this wasn’t the future.



Make it right…now.

---

...you have such a way with the turn of the phrase. it's just so fluid. sexy writing, even



...and on that note, I'm off to a lecture with carolee schneeman...yay for avant-garde, experimental feminist porn!!!



--jenny



ps-- update on wednesday would be great 'cuz it's my birthday...

Error may be a principle. The French Navy only recently began teaching its sailors to swim.

--Marcel Mauss

Edited by: JewWitch18 at: 3/10/03 12:05:32 pm

[lipkandy]

tommo I completely agree about Faith being the weakest (emotionally) although the writers seem to be working around the clock to turn Buffy into an emotional cripple. and coincidentally, I had this whole other S6 fic I was working on (before this one took over my life) that involved Faith and Tara (not as a couple btw) helping each other out of the hell of S6. Faith helping Tara understand Willow's slide into darkness, Tara helping Faith with...well, everything. IMHO they're kind of like sisters who developed into completely different (and maybe opposite) individuals. both come from broken and abusive backgrounds they just deal with it in completely different ways.



darkmagicwillow hey, yes, tara's definitely noticed and she was there with Willow during the divination so... and it's funny. when I wrote the scene with Wilow and Buffy it was much more ambiguous (in my mind) as far as Buffy's motivation. I find it really telling that the kittens see the positive. that everyone's first assumption was that Buffy's doing it out of her love for Willow not for selfish reasons. just more proof that the kittens rule.



snuggle79 buffy's getting wise....hmmm, I'll blame it on joyce because how could she see her mother again, the moral center of the show pre-Tara, and not be affected? and vielen dank again for the feedback



jewwitch heyjenny! you insightful chick. that's exactly what I wanted to get across with xander. that the scoobies have become so completely black and white in their thinking, he can't see the evidence to the contrary that's standing right in front of him (Faith carrying a wounded, trusting dawn back to Buffy's house). yeah, and the complexity of faith and buffy's relationship, there's so much there that the writers just abandoned. everything else aside they're the only two of their kind in the universe! that's heavy enough without all the sexual tension, love/hate, jealousy, hero-worship, etc. etc.

Quote:

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yay for avant-garde, experimental feminist porn!!!

---

I think that kind of speaks for itself maybe that should be my sig. and I will work twice as hard to make sure you get an update for your b-day, pisces grrl!

Edited by: lipkandy at: 3/10/03 5:15:20 pm

[Minnie Mone]

Lipkandy, you’ve done it again!



I took the advice and finished reading TF S4 before I continued with S7, and I’m glad I did. You were right, there’s parts of this of which I now have a clearer understanding. And it was wonderfully warm, hopeful, and fills you with the warm fuzzies! You could feel Willow’s frustration as her Groundhog Day-esque situation rolls around and around. It was definitely a great read.



But there’s something about this version that has grabbed me more. Maybe it’s Faith, maybe it’s the incorporation of the scoobies, but I think it has something to do with me being a sucker for a bit of well written, well suspensed angst!



I have to agree with the others. I miss my Willow, I miss my Faith, I miss my Tara, but I especially miss my Buffy. She never has been a favourite character of mine on this show, but she was the glue that held it together. It is possible to experience life, all its hellmouthish encounters, and still grow as a person without changing the core of your being. In what ME have failed to do, you’re achieving to Kitten critical acclaim! You’ve managed to keep the voice and the heart of the characters. Buffy’s reaction to seeing Tara again, and even her thoughts on Willow and Tara, had be seeing reflections of Triangle when Buffy was all vulnerable about losing Riley (‘they have a beautiful love!’).



The whole scene you’ve written here between Willow and Buffy is amazing. To the point where I can just imagine Alyson and Sarah performing it. They’re such amazing actresses they would do this dialogue justice; we’d be able to see their thoughts in their eyes.



This fic is just getting better and better. Get that whip cracking!



I have a love/hate relationship with suspense… please don’t leave me hanging too long!

[willntlover]

What? No! That's not good. Oh so sad, very interesting, but very sad. I hope someone can come up with someway to get them ALL back safe.



-Will

"I think finding her soulmate would have made Tara a more confident and secure person" -Amber Benson

[lipkandy]

hey all,
thanks for the lovely feedback as always

minnie mone thanks for checking out S4. even though the tone is very different it's kind of a prequel to the S7. plus, you get a feel for how the Heart is supposed to work. and I miss them all too. even Buffy who wasn't one of my favorites either. so glad you're still reading and liking. was this quick enough on the update front for you? [img]http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif]

willntlover someone will come up with a way to get them back. don't worry, willow and tara will be back together safe and sound by the end.

this update is again a little on the cliffhanger-y side. there was more, but I didn't feel it was good enough. my beta insists that I'm just being all Virgo-ish (read perfectionist) and maybe I am, but...

*all of the previous copyrights and disclaimers apply.

Part XVI
They had been actively working on Faith’s ‘fucked up idea’ for an hour. Dawn downloading file after file from the internet while Xander wired the house and yard. The Slayer had spent a large amount of the time tending to her wounds and eating almost everything in the house.

[/img]Focus.

It still looked exactly the same. As in completely destroyed. Like a tornado had hit it. And the wailing was louder inside. Standing above the flickering laptop and the metal Heart, it was obvious whose grief-filled yells filled the room. It didn’t take Slayer hearing to pick out the unique timbre of Willow’s voice.

And she was beginning to understand. Willow. The two suicide attempts. Which was really what all of that end of the world stuff was about. Probably. And something else between Willow and Buffy and Xander that she would never really understand. But she understood the wanting to disappear part. For so long she had felt something slowly erasing a part of herself. The part that held her mother and Tara in it. But it wasn’t just the memories that were disappearing, it was the other things too. The feelings and thoughts that made everything better and safe. That was why she spent a few minutes every day trying to remember. Talking to them seemed to help. Seemed to connect her to past…

"Buffy, you need to hurry ‘cause…well, we need you here. I mean, I need you here."
She ran a hand through her hair nervously and stared at the broken laptop screen. "And, um, Willow I know I’ve been kind of…" she paused, not sure how to say it all. Even if they couldn’t hear her. "Whatever I just…I wanted you to know that I think I understand…a little."

She felt a familiar presence behind her and jumped.

"Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare ya," Faith shifted nervously. "I just thought you might know if Buffy has a secret weapons stash somewhere."

"Yep, under her bed. Next to her diary."

"Her diary?" Faith’s eyebrows rose in a half-hearted attempt at her typical playful smirk. "Anything interesting?"

She wanted to play along, to keep the mood light, but the diary and the devastation of that room kept painting everything in muted tones. And the diary…everything she knew about Faith came from that diary. From Buffy’s initial impressions of her that sounded like the jealous scribblings of a teenager, to her sister’s growing guilt and rationalization and finally to self-righteous anger. And maybe even hate.

One passage stood out in her mind. It had terrified her when she read it and the words still haunted her:

I tried to kill Faith tonight and I know I should feel bad about it. But I don’t.
Not even a little.
There a few lines scratched out in heavy lines of blue ink. Then:
What’s happening to me?

She had always believed that her sister was some kind of untouchable icon of good.. like a stone statue of a saint. Until she found that page.

"No. She doesn’t write in it anymore. Not since Mom." A frown pinched Dawn’s forehead and she knelt to drag the black chest from under the bed to hide her emotions. She had always felt comfortable invading Buffy’s private space. They were sisters and it was kind of her duty, but now standing with Faith in the familiar room it just felt like a violation of Buffy’s trust.

But what am I supposed to do? I can't be the only one to know these things...

The diary, she discovered, now rested on top of the weapons in the box. Running her fingers over it lightly she thought of her sister’s return from death. The girl whose thoughts were too painful and raw to even write down. She extended the diary to Faith and almost cried at the reverent way the dark slayer held it.

Faith studied its worn fabric cover for a moment then swallowed hard. "Thanks, but…I don’t think I..." She placed it carefully on Buffy’s bed and bent down to rifle through the weapons, her forehead deeply lined as she stole occasional glances at the pink cover. Arranging Buffy’s favorite weapons carefully around her, the Slayer reached for a shining blade on the bottom and stopped mid-motion. Her hand hovered over the box for several moments and Dawn noticed a slight tremor in the strong spread of her fingers.

"What is it?"

Faith didn’t answer. After taking a deep breath she bent to withdraw a cruel-looking double-bladed dagger. It looked rusty near the hilt, which was strange because Buffy was so anal about everything. Especially her weapons.

"Is that paint?" she asked and felt stupid because she knew by the look on Faith’s face and the memories that weren’t hers what that was. Blood. Faith’s blood. And this was that knife. That knife that had changed everything.

The Slayer turned the blade slowly, shaking her head, her eyes growing darker. And Dawn knew she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t seem to help herself.

"Can I see it? The scar I mean," she asked quietly, but Faith’s head snapped back as if she’d been struck. There were a few moments of awkward silence before a sad smile covered the Slayer’s face. She nodded and lifted the hem of her shirt with one hand to reveal a jagged purplish, but fading scar near her hip.

Dawn resisted the urge to touch it, to trace its ugly lines with her fingertips. As if that could fill in the gaps of what she didn’t know. There were only the fragmented images from Faith’s memory and pieces of overheard conversations to tell the story. And the diary. The rest of that confrontation was a secret between Faith and Buffy that no one else could really get close to. Her sister had tried to kill this girl and the proof was written on Faith’s body in a jagged red line.

The sound of heavy footsteps on the stairs brought her back from her musings.

"I knew it!" Xander stood in the doorway angrily pointing at Faith. The Slayer quickly pulled her shirt down to cover the scar and lowered the blade. "I knew this was all some bullshit act of yours Faith."

"What now?"

"Spike said he heard from Willy that that thing," he pointed to Willow’s room without taking his eyes from the dark Slayer. "Was supposed to be delivered to the Mayor’s Slayer. And that would be you." He finished with a sneer. "Since, if I’m not mistaken, you were the Mayor’s bitch. Not Buffy."

"I am nobody’s bit--"

"What?" Dawn shook her head and turned to Faith. All the angry words in that diary about betrayal ran through her mind as she stared into dark eyes. Had this all been some crazy plot to get rid of Buffy?

"This was all just her way of getting the Heart for herself," he shouted angrily. "Probably so she can go back in time and kill Buffy so the Mayor gets to be big Worm Demon of Sunnydale!"

"That’s not…" Faith began and then stopped. With a deep breath she turned to Dawn. "It’s not like that Dawn. Really. You’ve gotta believe me."

"Right. ‘Cause the credibility of a convicted felon is so…"

"No wait…" Dawn began but could only stare at Faith who wasn’t denying anything. So that meant she had been there just to get the Heart? All along. "I mean…Faith?" her voice broke. If she could have she would have gotten on her knees and pleaded with the Slayer to tell her it wasn’t true.

Dark eyes closed tightly and then opened to meet Dawn’s. "Okay… I did come here to get the Heart. but…"

"To use it," Xander interjected hotly and Dawn watched the Slayer’s jaw clench. Her knuckles, she noticed, were white around the hilt of the dagger.

"Yes." Faith admitted with a fierce look and Dawn was stricken by an overwhelming wave of nausea. "But not for that…not to help the Mayor…"

"Just to kill Buffy…"

"No!" Faith snarled turning the knife in her hand. She looked suddenly terrified as she glanced at the diary on the bed and Dawn wondered what she was afraid of. She had the knife after all. And the slayer strength to back it up. If this was really some revenge plot like Xander was saying. "I thought that if I could just…" she became agitated suddenly, her eyes looking inward as she played out some terrible memory. "He just came out of nowhere…that guy. Finch." Faith finished with a look of utter helplessness and shook her head. "And I thought, if I could change…you know… what I did that it might fix things…" she looked up obviously expecting a biting response from Xander, but he stayed silent crossing his arms. When Faith spoke she spoke to Dawn. "Between Buffy and me."

"Yeah, whatever. I knew we couldn’t trust you," Xander muttered low and Dawn wasn’t sure what to do. Who to believe. "The first chance you get…"

"I don’t really care what you think Xander. I could be Mother fucking Theresa and you’d still hate m-" Faith stopped suddenly making a motion for quiet, her head tilted slightly to the left. Dawn noticed that Xander’s mouth was still slightly open in an aborted retort.

"Wha-?" But a quick frown from the Slayer made her shut her mouth. Faith’s dark eyes were now scanning the shadows of the front yard, a grim smile slowly forming on her lips.

"Showtime." Faith said with another sad smile and Dawn swallowed the fear that was tearing through her like a storm. The yard was black and empty to her eyes, but she knew that on this thing to trust the Slayer. And that meant there were demons crawling toward the house under that blanket of dark. "Ready to be superheroes?" Faith asked gently as she tucked that terrible blade into its scabbard and fitted it into the waistband of her jeans.

All Dawn could think was, no. No. I’m not ready. Yet. How is anyone ever ready for this?

****

Wllow concentrated on her breathing, the unsteady in and out of it as Buffy stood above breathing in ragged tormented gasps. She was trying to concentrate on the words, but she was so tired. Exhausted. But she hadn’t really slept in months. And it felt like it was all catching up with her. Now.

It was the spell, she knew that. It wasn’t physical…technically. Although she felt herself drifting at the edge of consciousness. Barely hanging on as Buffy’s tone oscillated between anger and desperate grief. Her own muted emotions responded with defensiveness and then despair.

"You can’t…" Back to grief. And it was breaking Willow. The depth and pull of it. Taking even more of her precious energy. "Wil, I need you. Cordy said…there’s an apocalypse and Dawn’s in it and I need you…"

"No you don’t." She said with a sad smile. "There’s the coven and Giles and even Anya if you need a big gun in the magic department."

Deep lines formed between the Slayer’s eyebrows as she studied the redhead with obvious confusion. "No…that’s not what I meant," she ran a hand through her hair in her trademark gesture of agitated frustration. "I mean…I need my best friend."

"Since when?" she asked quietly. Evenly. "’Cause it looks to me like you’ve been fine all by yourself." She expected a defensive response, but Buffy was silent, her mouth open in shock.

"Wil, I know I’ve been kinda distant…you know in the sense of…" she paused, her brows knitting together in frustration. "In the sense of not really being a friend, but I’m trying. I want this back," she motioned to the space between them then let her arm drop to her side.

Willow looked up at the Slayer taking in her bleach blonde hair and the embroidered jeans of freshman year. This girl had been her best friend and her family. Had been everything to her and she had loved her with a fierceness that still took her breath away. But that Buffy had disappeared. Slowly. Or maybe in punctuated evolutionary steps of Glory and Joyce’s death. And she realized that the Willow her old friend was looking at was a different girl too. The sidekick and supportive friend she had tried so hard to regain in the future. That girl who eluded her still.

"Buffy, I’m not this girl anymore," she brought a fist to her chest with great effort and held the blonde’s gaze. "and…I don’t think I have been… for a long time. Even before…"

"What does that mean Willow. I mean… I don’t even know what you’re talking about because… I’m not this girl either..." Buffy looked crazed, her eyes wide as she looked around the room gesticulating wildly. "And do you think I want to leave Mom and go back there to that…that hell place where she isn’t…. I mean, even if Dawn is there…"

Joyce. She had thought about that at some point with some barely-connected part of her brain, but it had gotten lost in the overwhelming fact of Tara. "Oh god Buffy….I’m sorry…I didn’t…"

But her old friend waved her off, tears forming in her eyes. "S’okay…I mean, it’s not okay, but…there’s nothing I can do." She wiped at her nose with a shirt sleeve.

"Unless that was your second chance," Willow mumbled, trying to be hopeful for her best friend but failing miserably. Buffy’s eyes narrowed in concentration before growing wide.

"Oh, you mean I could make that my second chance….Mom." She grew thoughtful. "But I can’t change anything…unless I got her a different doctor or something…and even then…"

"No Buffy…your second chance," she tried to stop the Slayer’s rambling. "You made your choice when you cast the spell…whatever you were thinking then…I think…" she trailed off hoping that was enough. Because there wasn’t much left of her to speak with. Just an enormous empty space that seemed to be growing with every breath and second.

"Oh." There was a long silence as the Buffy glanced around the room, her eyes holding for more than a few breaths on the globe before returning to green. "So, my second chance is the problem." Willow was so stunned by the Slayer’s astute observation that she just stared into red-rimmed hazel eyes. "That’s what starts it… the apocalypse Cordelia saw?"

"Maybe. We don’t know…it could be anything," the redhead began, closing her eyes to stop the dizzying spin of the room. "It could be me." She finally managed through clenched teeth.

"Wil, please…" the blonde dropped to her knees in front of her, taking up her limp hands in her own.

"Buffy don’t…please." She couldn't look at her friend. Couldn't see those eyes that lead in only one direction.

Now the Slayer was angry, her jaw clenched in righteous rage the redhead knew so well.

"So that’s it," she demanded, her voice taut with a dangerous mix of anger and grief. "You’d rather just die here and leave us than—" the slayer stopped abruptly and she knew she should say something to fill the silence. To make her best friend understand.

But speech was becoming more and more difficult for Willow. Not just the physical act of mouths moving, but the psychological motions that propelled thoughts into words were slowing. She couldn’t seem to form a response, couldn’t gain access to that part of her brain anymore. Focusing again on the hazel eyes of her friend, she was surprised to find the Slayer studying her. And something like horrified recognition in the brown and green of them.

There were a few moments of silence that Willow couldn’t find the energy to break as they remained locked together. A single tear rolled down the Slayer’s cheek and into the silent moment between them and the redhead realized she would have been surprised if she had had the energy. Then the sound of a familiar voice, musical and warm.

"Willow’s not going to die." It was a terrible relief to hear those words. Like a wish she didn’t know she had. A vengeance wish with all of its chaotic potential.

"Buffy, if there’s anyth-th-thing you need to…t-t-take care of, you should go do it now," Tara continued without taking her eyes from Willow’s. There was a strong set to the blonde witch’s shoulders. She seemed to stand straighter. Taller. Much taller than Buffy. And despite the stutter her expression was placid. Resolute. Willow began feverishly working on her arguments as Buffy and Tara hugged again. This time there was no awkwardness. They held each other like old friends. And with a quiet ‘thank you’ for Tara, the Slayer was gone leaving the two of them alone in the room where everything had started. Alone with each other and the map of Willow’s unmaking.

[daydreamer]

Great update! I like what you're doing with Faith here. I started watching Buffy midway of Season 4 so I wasn't able to know much of her character except for that 2-parter epi in season 4. And it isn't much. And I know I really have something to say here but well... What I'm trying to say is that fics like yours make me wish I started watching Buffy from the start, or at least Season 3. Thank you. And of course, I can truly understand Willow for wanting to stay. Living without Tara is not living at all. I can't wait for the next update.

[xita]

Oh great update. Things are really moving. Faith's motivations, she wanted the heart too. And in a way maybe she did get her second chance because Buffy seemed to have issues there. And Tara, god my hero, almost broke my heart ""Willow’s not going to die." It was a terrible relief to hear those words. Like a wish she didn’t know she had. A vengeance wish with all of its chaotic potential."



Willow's ready to give it all up but it's not what she wants. I think she feared this was her last chance to be with Tara at all and now.. I have faith in Tara.

-----------------------------------

En un mundo de ilusión yo estaba desahuciado, yo estaba abandonado.

Vivía sin sentido, pero llegaste tú. -
Mana

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-



I'm just sitting here and thinking there's more resolution in this fic so far than in all of BtVS after season 4. Like xita I have faith in Tara, especially in lipkandy's hands.



This is coming from way off base but you've made me think of something. I think Xander needed Tara, the 'safe and nice' girl who'd been through the same bad family things he had but who could still be a grown up. She was a sort of role model who could still be a friend. The fact that Faith needs her even more than Dawn is obvious, but the quiet girl's impact on the rest of the Scoobies was just as deep.



Darn. I came here for entertainment and now I'm thinking.



Jixer

[snuggle79]

Fantastic and very moving update! The part between Willow, Buffy and Tara was touching. This really reminds me of the better times from the show, which are long ago.

can't wait for more!

snuggle79

________________________________________

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for

an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity."

[Tulipp]

This last update left me breathless; what an ending line: "alone with each other and the map of Willow's unmaking." I have been reading in larger chunks lately, and your prose just pulses at me.



I love the way you reach so far back and so far inside for the complex reasons that things change, go wrong, start to erode. Reaching back for details that now stand out to us as hugely important markers: Buffy's hair color, Faith's scar, Tara's height.



Just wanted to pop in quickly and tell you how much I enjoy reading every chapter you write; I feel like I learn something about writing, about the way that sentences can reach inside. Thanks.

"Just call me the computer whisperer."-- Willow

[darkmagicwillow]

Like Tulipp, the phrase "map of Willow's unmaking" hit me hard. The conversation between Buffy and Willow was tragically beautiful, with Buffy confessing her failures and feelings for Willow, and Willow realizing what Buffy will give up by returning the future, but Tara's appearance with her determination that Willow isn't going to die ended it on a perfect note of hope.



Your characterization of Faith, her wanting to reverse that one mistake, is perfect, as is the mystery of Buffy keeping Faith's blood-stained blade as a memento of something we, and perhaps even Buffy, don't know. The humanity Dawn found in Buffy's diary was great too.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[lipkandy]

hey kitties,



daydreamer hey!! I don't remember you posting before, so...thanks for delurking. and Faith pre-Season 4 is definitely worth checking out (if you can stand the lack of Tara goodness). "Living without Tara is not living at all" I think that about sums it up thanks again for posting!



xita so astute and wonderfully put. Faith's second chance may not be what she had in mind, but... and yes, Tara is my hero and Willow's and Dawn's and...faith in Tara is always well placed. she never disappoints. especially when it comes to her girl.



jixer glad to know everyone has faith in me to resolve this. the right way. and just to reiterate: it will. end the right way. I think you're right about Xander needing Tara. I think they all did. as its pointed by the kittens, Tara was really the moral center of the show. in the best way. she didn't push or lecture, she just showed people what they could be. again IMO. sorry for the thinking. I know how much that hurts



snuggle glad I can bring back a little bit of what was good about the show



tulipp hey juli! I'm so glad you're still reading. and my secret wish is that you're busily working on another fic for us. your beautiful prose has the same effect on me -- breathless. a girl can dream can't she?



darkmagicwillow you're another one of the kittens whose insight always blows me away. hmmm, could have something to do with you being a kickass writer yourself. I think as far as Willow and Buffy, they're so caught up in their own failings and the things they've lost that they can't see the forest for the trees. enter the incredibly intuitive Tara to the rescue. and Faith and Buffy...Faith always felt like another prop character the ME created to move the plot along, but like Tara, she got away from them. ED and AB put so much into them, that they grew out of ME's control. but we still don't know anything about them and we never see the fallout of their interactions with the scoobies. which makes a world of angsty fun for us writers







as usual, thanks all for reading and writing. I'm hoping for another update by this weekend although I have a bad feeling RL is going to kick it 'til early next week. plus, big W/T scene coming up and they like to take their time but you never know...



xomel

[Cindy Lou Who]

As I bow to the wondrous Lipkandy:



First I would like to agree with Ruth and Jixer that Tara has a great deal in common with - or to offer - both Faith and Xander than was ever explored by ME. (The moment in "The Body" when Tara's holding Xander's injured hand and gazes into his eyes: "It hurts." Meaning so much more...knowing so much more.) Thankfully you've remedied that so nicely! And that Amber Benson was able to create such a multi-dimensional and sympathetic character in light of the restraints of her material is a true testament to her talent and depth.



This worked the ol' lachrymal ducts

Quote:

---

"I thought that if I could just…" she became agitated suddenly, her eyes looking inward as she played out some terrible memory. "He just came out of nowhere…that guy. Finch." Faith finished with a look of utter helplessness and shook her head. "And I thought, if I could change…you know… what I did that it might fix things...{between} Buffy and me."

---

Second: Xander's relentless (albeit somewhat understandable) railings against Faith reminded me of the old saw "We have seen the enemy and it is us." The idealist in me believes that the only thing that can defeat a group of people bound together in love and a common purpose is internal doubt and suspicion. If only Mr. Harris would step back and take breath to view the big picture. And you've made Dawn so...level-headed! I just want to hug the girl!



"Here she comes to save the day!" Oh Tara...make all things better as always please!



I love both versions of TF...and I thank you deeply.



~SUSE p.s. sorry for the length/verbosity...Gawd it seems I say this a lot! ...S.

[Patches]

Hey Lipkandy,



I've just caught up with your fic. Wow, what a great story! It's so rich and complex. My goodness, the angst - I love it! You really make me follow what's happening, and hang on every word. I love the way the characters all express, the emotion is palpable. And this last update just tore me apart. I'm also a Faith fan, and you really make me believe in her here. Things must look really bad for her, but you know - there's something in the way you write her that I believe she really wanted to change the past.



Let me eccho DMW and Tulipp here, the ending was really gripping, the "Map of Willow's unmaking" was just inspired.

I love the way you write, the characters and their emotions and the wonderful descriptiveness of your storytelling has really captured my imagination.



I can't wait to read more of your wonderful story. Thanks so much for sharing this with us.



Cheers!!

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[JewWitch18]

thanks for the great birthday present, xomel



the last line of this installment was just utterly devestating. it brings you to a reckoning. I feel like everything is speeding up now and I am even more eager to get more updates! (I can't help it baby, I'm hooked on you...)



...in related news, I'm off to good ol' nyc tomorrow for spring break, so I prolly won't check in to the kittie motel for a week or so. ...hope to see updately goodnes when I get back!



--jenny

[Big Dummy]

Hotlanta? Yeah, for the next few months I suppose it will be.



So, this last update had me clutching at my heart, it was beautiful on so many levels. I've never had any interest in Dawn really, but she's growin' on me here. The way she handles Faith, the way she brings out the youthfulness in her, is so touching. And you really do a good job tapping into some of the things that separate Dawn from Buffy, by showing Faith as a mentor, sort've older sister, who actually notices her sib and takes the time to explain things to her, and tries to treat her like someone with a little sense. Treating someone as a responsible person really has an affect on how they behave with you.



And obviously, the scene between Buffy and Willow was so heart-breaking, as they both realize the distance that's grown between them, not just as a result of DMW, but as a result as growing and dealing with the things that have happened to them. They aren't the same people, and trying to relate to each other as the people they were years ago automatically starts to build gaps between them, until they find that suddenly they aren't the friends they used to be.



And lastly, Tara's entrance? I totally heard the score swelling in the background as she became the strong one on the scene, as her future self constantly was. It's like Buffy realized when she looked at past Tara with the knowledge of future Tara's actions and confidence: that her strength was there all along. The most obvious consequence of the time travel so far, as it pertains to Tara's growth, is that she's coming into her own a little faster.



So, go on, take your time working on the next installment (big words coming from someone who checks in several times a day just hoping for an update from you). You write a better, more intelligent Buffy than those yahoos at ME could even dream of at this point. I'm very happy to find the resolution I've been craving carried out by your crafty fingers. Umm...you know what I mean.

[AntigoneUnbound]

Oh, xomel, I have been such a bad, bad kitten...I kept telling myself that I'd sink into TF(S7) when I could read all the updates at once, even though I knew that doing so would just blow me away.



Well, I did, and it did, and I'm still shaking my head at the combined poignance and complexity of it all. God, there are just so many things going on here--loss and redemption and trust and intuition...It's all so powerful; it makes for an intoxicating read.



Of all the wonderful moments that stood out to me, I think that quite possibly my favorite was Buffy's realization that Tara was the strongest one of them all; that she always had been. I've thought that--I know many Kittens have thought that--for a long time, and this story is such a resounding vindication of that belief. Buffy has such immense Slayer strength, and Willow has all of the power of forced dark magics, but Tara--in her basic essence--simply is, and that presence is awe-inspiring.



I'm so sorry for the delay in soaking this all up and sending in this feedback, but rest assured that it won't happen again.



Rock on, girl!



Mary

[tommo]

Oh I love how you've upped the pace in this update. Things are moving on quite fast now, and it contrasts nicely with the whole slowness of preparation and the waiting game that all the Scoobies were playing. Xander's mistrust of Faith was right; I think that was totally in character and there's a part of me that can understand how he feels. And yet, I do love Faith. And I can see her hurt features and hear her tone as she struggles with the consequences of her actions, even now. All she really wanted to do was to not fuck up, just once, and try to make things right. I think her seeing the knife with her own blood on it was perfect at this juncture.



The scene with Willow, Buffy and Tara was, ultimately, very touching. I loved how Buffy's progression was in "punctuated evolutionary steps". It's almost as though the deaths and loss in her life was inevitable, as though she couldn't be the person she was without that, but that it was necessary for her to experience it as a part of the Slayer's life, I suppose. Willow, viewing Buffy in her freshman's garb, seemed almost sad, in a way. It was as though she realised that you can't ever go back. That's a horrid life lesson for us all, I think. And you write it so very well here.



Ooh incidentally, I love Tara at the end of this update. That's the strong girl that we adore so much. Just the right tone to move the story on to the next level.



Thanks so much for this.

In you the song which rights my wrongs; In you the fullness of living;
The power to begin again; From right now, in you...

[lipkandy]

hey all,

I'm kind of stunned. I had major doubts about the last update (my GF is shaking her head at my typical thick-headedness). mainly about Faith's revelation. I think I've been holding on to that secret for so long that actually revealing it kinda flipped me out. so anyway, so glad it worked. phew!



cindylouwho okay, now I'm all flustered. I completely agree about Tara. I think she had so much to offer everyone. and they had so much to offer her if they had actually tried. and xander's character is always a conundrum for me. in early seasons he was supposedly the heart and the glue that held the group together, but he consistently did/said things to cause division and strife. and yes, tara's on the scene which makes all things better doesn't it? and I thank you deeply for the wonderful feedback.



patches again with the blushing flustered-ness. and coming from the queen of angst that's quite a compliment (have I mentioned I'm a dirty old lurker before? okay, maybe not dirty or old, but...) I was worried that I was too much of a Faith fan when I started writing her in, so it helps a lot to hear that she's ringing true for you. she's a difficult girl. and thanks for the kind words about my style. helps to chip away at that giant rock of insecurity I have sitting on my back.



jewwitch heh. happy b-day again chicky. glad you're celebrating it in nyc. and as far as the hooked -- the feeling's totally mutual



bigdummy hey! yes, the heat is coming. thank god! I'm with you on faith and dawn and what they bring out in each other. surprised the hell out of me. I don't know why 'cause it makes perfect sense. these two outsiders who give each other a chance (ie. believe in each other) and the results are, well, spectacular. and B and W... I always thought there was so much distance there without all the dmw stuff. an insurmountable distance because they couldn't really express it. and the music swelling as shy, awkward tara enters to save the day -- I love it!



antigone hey girl! no sorries necessary. I figured you were in the same place as me in the keeping up with your fic reading department. I haven't even begun your latest cause I know it's going to be an investment (time, big emotion, etc.). I'm saving it

but I am glad you checked back in. especially after this update. and Tara's strength....right there with you. for such a feminist (whatever!) show they really missed the boat on an incredible opportunity to glamorize a 'new' kind of strength that doesn't involve killing things or showy pyrotechnics. ah well... that's what the pens is for



tommo yeah, the roller coaster is definitely topping that big hill. I love your take on Faith. probably because I'm in total agreement. she's trying so hard not to fuck up, to do the right thing. it's heartbreaking. but I've always found her character to be the most tragic one of all. Tara at least found Willow. and "you can't ever go back" exactly.

and strong Tara at the end of this....yeah, I have this picture of her in my mind...she's all large with the butch in her glittery t-shirt with some baggy cargo pants and bright orange pumas (I know a lot of you would prefer leather -- which I'm totally down with ). cause I love how Tara can upend all expectations and preconceptions. the mouse that roared.

[lipkandy]

*all previous disclaimers and copyrights apply yadda, yadda, yadda.

Part XIV

Dawn was still numb. Still reeling from Xander’s accusations and Faith’s admissions. If Xander was right, Faith really was the back-stabbing bitch they had always told her she was. The Slayer was evil. She was conniving and manipulative and there was no room for the cool girl with the deep sad smile. No room for the memories of pain and fear the two now shared. For years now the world had been shrinking. People kept leaving and dying and the ones that remained pulled farther and farther into themselves. In this new world there would be no room for someone as big as Faith.

Because what would Buffy do? If she was here. If she could talk to me.

That was easy. Her sister always did the same thing when it came to the dark Slayer. No matter what. And the small-world Buffy would never have trusted Willow either. Because there was only one Willow anymore and she had dark eyes and darker magic. All the other Willows lived somewhere else. In the world of the past where they could be trusted to stay what they were. Anya was right, her sister would have insisted that they seal them both away with the Heart to save the world. Because she didn’t trust anyone. Not her friends or fellow Slayer. Not even Dawn.

"Don’t even think this is over Faith," Xander growled behind her as she followed the Slayer down the stairs focusing on the powerful set of her shoulders hunched under the straps of a ‘borrowed’ black tank.

"It’s never over," she heard the Slayer mutter defiantly, but her shoulders slumped even further. And Dawn felt an echo of a memory of a similar exchange. Angry, accusing Xander and Willow. Faith outnumbered and outside again.

"Because as soon as Buffy gets back from…" he began only to be cut off by Anya.

"If she gets back at all," Anya crossed her arms when all eyes turned to her. "What? Why are you all looking at me like that? I’m just trying to be the voice of reason here. There is a high probability that Willow and Buffy won’t get back in time and that means Vra’al will get his Heart anyway," she gestured at the three of them with disdain. "And all of you will be dead for no reason. I mean, because look at us we’re not exactly an army here."

"Anya…"

"And that’s only if Willow’s little spell doesn’t tear a hole in reality before…"

"Anya!" Xander faced her angrily. "This isn’t helping."

"Oh! But you pissing off the only Chosen One we have left is such an important contribution…"

"But this is all her fault," he pointed at Faith who rolled her eyes. "If she hadn’t…"

"And if Buffy hadn’t…and if Willow hadn’t…and if you hadn’t…left me at the altar…" Anya replied in mocking tones before taking a deep breath to regain her composure. "You people are so into the blame! Like anything is ever that simple except of course, you leaving me at the alter because, hello. Promise. Broken. But even that doesn’t matter ‘cause we’re all going to die a very painful death anyway" She threw up her hands and turned to the weapons chest.

"The demon has a point," Spike added with a wry grin.

"Well, that’s just great!" Xander’s voice and body language was becoming more and more agitated, almost hysterical. "I for one believe that Buffy’s going to make it…"

"I just think we should all take one more look at this situation and think about why we’re doing this." She stared at Xander pointedly and then Spike. "Because hello, this is not what Buffy and Willow would want. Am I the only one who sees this? I mean, is this a human problem?"

There was a long silence as the vengeance demon’s words seemed to echo through the room. then a familiar gunshot’s reverberations rang out in the cramped hallway. Faith, Dawn noticed was now watching the yard, shifting her balance slightly from foot to foot. From heel to toe. The bandage over the deep wound on her arm was soaked through with blood. She knew from experience that Slayers weren’t bleeders, which meant that the wound was worse than it looked. Faith seemed to notice her attention and bent to attach a dagger over the bandage with thick silver tape.

"How long do we have," Faith asked without turning her attention away from her task. "’Til the end?"

"That’s like asking me how long it when you’re going to die. It could be in fifty years it…"

"Best guess," Faith interjected impatiently.

The vengeance demon shrugged. "An hour? Top end."

"Great, so we have to hold off an army of demons for an hour and hope that…" Xander was nearly shouting.

"See, this is exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you," Anya chimed in.

"Okay, here’s the deal," Faith began, tossing a broadsword hilt-first to the vampire on the porch. She turned to Dawn and handed her the dagger at her belt without blinking. The one Buffy had used. The one with Faith’s blood still on it. "Plan’s still the same, but if Vra’al gets to the house you two run like hell. Okay?" she held Dawn’s arm in a firm grip. "Let him have his fucking Heart."

"Wait a minute, so if he makes it to the house you’re just gonna let him…" Xander began again stepping angrily toward the Slayer.

"No Einstein, if Big Demon gets to the house that means we’re all dead," Spike interjected coolly from the porch.

"But he’s not getting to the house," the Slayer continued with a smile that was much more like the old Faith. The wisecracking cool girl who sneaked Dawn out of the house to go on Patrol. Who trusted Dawn with secret terrible things. "Cause B and Red are gonna do their thing like they always do." She picked up a second, lighter sword, twirling it in her grip as her gaze turned from Dawn to the yard. "And then after we have a mega-demon smackdown," she winked and flipped the sword. "B can kick my ass and everybody'll be happy."

"Slayer! I have come for that which is mine," Vra’al’s booming voice shook the house and Dawn jumped. How did he do that? Appear from nowhere? The portal.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll be with you in a sec big guy," Faith shouted dismissively and turned to the group with a confident grin. "Good to go?" Everyone, even Xander returned her confidence with a nod and without a word they were moving toward their spaces, making the last preparations.

"Little Bit," Spike stood in the doorway looking at the floor between them. "Look, I know I can never make things right…" he began and then trailed off with a frown. "Bloody hell, just…light ‘em up Summers," he said with a shrug and tossed his Zippo. She wanted to say something, but he was gone. And that was probably a good thing because what was she going to say?

She looked for Xander and Anya, but they were gone. Probably off somewhere saying their goodbyes. Or not saying anything at all.

"Y’okay?" Faith asked softly, her brow furrowing in concern. Dawn nodded, but couldn’t seem to speak through the panic that was strangling her. Her heart was racing and she was sure she was going to throw up again. "Breathe." The Slayer was now taking deep breaths and Dawn felt her own body following automatically. "You know the drill right?" Another nod as she began to run through the mental checklist. It helped, somehow, to have that line of things that needed to be done. That she had to check off and complete. All of these things that lead to Buffy and Willow and everything back to normal. "I’m gonna buy as much time as I can, but when I give the signal…"

"I start the show," Dawn managed at the Slayer’s prompting. Faith smiled and then looked around nervously.

"Okay, so…" the Slayer began, but was cut off as Dawn threw herself into her arms.

"I know…I mean I don’t care you know…why," she couldn’t seem to get the words out and Faith was now rigid with fear in her arms. Slayers were terrified of the strangest things. "I’m just glad you’re here Faith." And now she was crying which just made her angry. All she had ever wanted was to be strong. For all of them.

"Slayer there is no need for bloodshed. Simply hand over my Heart and the Key."

Faith patted her back clumsily and pulled away. "Everything’s gonna be five by five D," she whispered. "Really." But her eyes were wet with tears as she turned toward the porch. "See, I totally agree with you on the no bloodshed thing," Faith spoke loudly to the demon and Dawn smiled as the Slayer’s gait was transformed in three strides to her cocky trademark swagger. "It’s just the whole you making demands part that’s so not gonna play."

Tucking the knife into her belt, Dawn moved quickly to the computer in the dining room and began the painstaking task of double-checking everything. Again. She could feel the hard leather and metal digging into her side, but this was the way the Slayer had worn it so she was determined to keep it next to her skin. Where it reminded her constantly of its location so she could find it if she needed it. Faith was barely visible through the dining room window and she could just make out her left arm and shoulder as the Slayer baited the enormous demon.

"So, how’s the eye Big Guy? I mean, ouch. That’s gotta hurt." Dawn didn’t hear the response, just a low rumble that must have been a demon growl. Vra’al was nearly invisible in the darkness of the front yard. Xander had nailed pieces of wood to the downstairs windows and left a horizontal strip for visibility. She hadn’t asked where the wood came from, but the kitchen counters were gone.

Buffy is gonna be so pissed, she thought with a smile and turned out the overhead light to see the scene better, but the glare from the computer screen obscured almost everything. As the Slayer made her way off the porch, Dawn could just see Spike’s straight silhouette on her right. Anya, she knew, would be in the back yard waiting for rear attack. They looked so small against the growing crowd of demons. But Faith was still talking and that was a good thing. More talking meant less fighting and more time for Willow and Buffy.

A hand landed on her shoulder and she jumped. "Sorry Dawn, I just…" Xander was frowning at the scene in the yard, but his eyes, when they met hers, softened into a crinkley smile. "Just wanted to let you know I was here," he whispered. "So you know the plan right?" But it wasn’t really a question. She knew this game. It was the get-ready game. The get-your-mind-off-the-impending-doom game the Scoobies always played. "As soon as we get the sign, we secure the house and get in position for Operation ‘Death from Above.’" He said the last words in an ominous tone and lifted a can of lighter fluid. And it was the old Xander. The one who always knew the right thing to say. She nodded and gave him a smile in return.

"Yep. Ready." She shrugged and returned her attention to Faith. He squeezed her shoulder and the weight of his hand was gone. She knew where he was going. To the door. It was his job to close it and throw the heavy medieval-looking bolt he had installed earlier. It was all part of the plan, but she hadn’t understood the finality of it until that moment. That Spike and Faith and Anya would be locked out. Would be separated from the two of them and the safety of the house. But she couldn’t think about that now. She needed to focus on the ‘things she needed to do.’ On the signal that would start everything.

The banter between Faith and Vra’al was inaudible. Dawn was so focused now on Faith and the signal that hadn’t been given yet. Her hand hovered above the keyboard as she waited. And waited.

Then without warning it happened. Between one second and the next Faith turned her hand slightly and shrugged. And time sped up again. Dawn heard the loud slam of the door and hit the button. And in the space between now and then all hell, literally, broke loose.

****

Willow couldn’t seem to focus anymore. The room was dim even though she could feel the heat of sunlight on her bare legs. Could hear the soft noises of Tara shuffling papers and rifling through bags and drawers.

Spell ingredients, she thought with a frown. So there wasn’t even going to be a discussion. Not like there was even a chance of that at this point…Tara didn’t have Willow’s trademark ‘resolve face’. She had resolve self. Argument was unthinkable when faced with an absolute truth held in flesh and bone.

"Tara I’m not losing you again." But she could try. Arguing. Because it was all she had against the terror of losing this. Against that glowing sphere that was growing darker and darker.

"I won’t watch you die, Willow," she began in a strong even tone that shifted to something softer, but just as determined. "Please don’t m-make me."

"You don’t have to watch. You can go somewhere…" but she knew already that this line of reasoning wasn’t…well, reasonable.

"We’re c-connected… and it hurts." The blonde frowned and arranged satchels of herbs in a semi-circle between them. "No m-matter where I am." And she could see it finally. The unfamiliar dark circles under blue eyes. And the desperation. She was hurting her. Again.

"You don’t understand Tara…"

"I d-don’t understand? So you’re going to make me?"

"No, that’s not what I meant. I would never put you through that. And you saw…this reality…that it isn’t exactly stable. It doesn’t really exist. You…we…we won’t remember any of this."

The blonde frowned and grew pensive. "But I felt it in the d-divination…affecting the other realities…and you said yourself that we d-don’t know…. It’s all tied together Willow."

She closed her eyes against the pain and incredible effort of speaking. "No, I don’t know…you’re right. But I know I can’t…it wasn’t living without you…there."

Tara nodded slightly, almost imperceptibly and studied the floor. "I want to remember all of this Willow. I don’t want to forget. Any of it."

Willow felt the tears slide down her face and cursed silently. This was taking too much energy. She wanted to hang on longer. Wanted to be with Tara for as many moments as she could steal.

"Willow," Tara began softly and took her hands. "Don’t make me stop you. Please."

"Tara…" she meant it to be the beginning of an argument. The start of a long explanation about her own enormous power and the blonde’s well-schooled, but untapped talent. Instead it emerged as a low keening as her body collapsed forward. Tara was right. In her weakened state she was no match for anyone. Not that she would allow that to happen. A confrontation. She would never hurt Tara. Would never allow that dark part of herself near the blonde.

Strong slender fingers held her face as warm lips glided over the wet of her cheeks. The swollen heat of her eyelids and mouth. "Your friends need you Willow. The world needs you." Willow shook her head, but let herself fall father into the blonde’s embrace. No one needed her, but how could she make Tara understand. "And I-I know you said…t-terrible things happened…but," she frowned in concentration before looking deep into the redhead’s eyes. "It doesn’t feel r-right. The things you’ve told me. It’s not supposed to be that way…I mean…" she trailed off finally, her fingers running through red hair. "I don’t feel that that’s what’s supposed to happen, you know?"

"But Tara, terrible things did happen. I can’t…you can’t…and I deserved it…all of it," the blonde stopped her with a kiss.

"Do you trust me Willow?" She nodded and allowed a small smile. There weren’t enough words for how much she trusted Tara.

"With my life," she said without thinking then smiled at her slip. And somehow, without her knowledge the decision had been made. She wanted to cry with relief.

"It’s going to be alright, sweetie. I’ll always be with you." So Tara knew about the decision too. The choice. But it probably wasn’t a choice to her. Just a fact she was trying to get Willow to accept.

"Tara, I know you probably won’t remember this, but…I need you know that no matter what happens…even if I…even if I hurt you…that I love you more than anything. Okay?"

The blonde was beaming. "You know, it’s so…I didn’t think I could ever fall in l-love with anyone…but this," she pressed her palm against Willow’s bare chest. "This Willow Rosenburg." She shrugged, a lopsided smile forming on perfect lips. "Then I met you."

"But…darkness and all?" Willow choked back a sob.

"Darkness and all," Tara confirmed with a nod and traced the redhead’s lips with her fingers, her eyes dancing with mischief. "So, um…Skyclad?"

Willow nodded into the soft touch, but she had no strength left to lift the fabric over her head. "A little help?"

"Vixen."

It was all the proof she needed. Better than any divination spell. That one word meant that reality could be a flexible thing and that maybe the worlds they had made weren’t so separate.


stay tuned for Part I of the big finale next week...

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-



Next WEEK!?! Noooooo!



Willow should have realized Tara, no matter where and when, would never let her die as long as Tara could stop it. You've captured Willow's lonely despair and her need for Tara so wonderfully. Then there's Tara, no doubt worried, but stronger than steel. It's been there, but Willow's pain brings it out until we wonder just how powerful she may be, especially if Willow needs her.



Waiting patiently. Eeeeep.



Jixer

[barnabasvamp]

Talk about a cliffhanger!!



Then you tell us next week!



We'll be waiting...

BV

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before"-Mae West

[Cindy Lou Who]

xoMel:



You were so right (and accommodating) on "Tara makes all things better!" I just knew she'd (you'd) come thru with the most convincing words and actions.

Quote:

---

Tara didn’t have Willow’s trademark ‘resolve face’. She had resolve self. Argument was unthinkable when faced with an absolute truth held in flesh and bone.

---

And at the risk of harping on a particular theme: I love your Faith {and Dawn}

Quote:

---

"But he’s not getting to the house," the Slayer continued with a smile that was much more like the old Faith. The wisecracking cool girl who sneaked Dawn out of the house to go on Patrol. Who trusted Dawn with secret terrible things. "Cause B and Red are gonna do their thing like they always do." She picked up a second, lighter sword, twirling it in her grip as her gaze turned from Dawn to the yard. "And then after we have a mega-demon smackdown," she winked and flipped the sword. "B can kick my ass and everybody'll be happy."

---

It's nice that - by virtue of Buffy's moments at the hospital with comatose Faith - we know "kicking ass" might not be Buff's knee-jerk response any longer.



I'm truly enjoying the split-action between two worlds and can't wait for them to...collide as it were.



Thanks for all you do...Sue



~From the acerbic pen of Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)~:



"If you can't say something nice about someone...come sit here by me!"



"If all the girls attending [the Yale Prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

[Rane]

MEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



you evil, evil kitten. but at least next week is like two days away. hee.



i'm so happy to have caught up with this fic, finally! i'ts been crazy at work, as usual, and i'm so glad to be able to decompress with a good fic (i'm not much of a wine drinker ). i love how you write every single character and i adore tara and willow here. i went back to read season 4 and found some references (in cituations) that you've made to each fic within each fic. did that make sense? lol.



i totally love this, mel. and i will wait patetiently for the next update. just make sure it's not too long cause then i'll have to tickle you.

"Take care of my heart, won't you please? Take care of it because it's all that I have. And if you let me, I'll take care of your heart too." Pure sweetness in the look between Willow and Tara.

[frumpycat]

Great stuff. Just read your fic from beginning to end and just realized I've left my laundry in the dryer hours ago. Love how you've written all the characters, especially Faith.



Looking forward to the big finale! (disappears to grab laundry)

[lipkandy]

you kittens rawk!! have I told you that lately? I know, I should tell you more often.

*note to self -- send more love notes to the kittens.



then again, this fic is kinda my love note to you all so...



jixer hey!! next week!! but as rane pointed out, next week is only four and a half hours away *evil grin* no, I'm not that fast, but I'm working. and yes, I agree. neither Tara nor Willow would ever allow harm to come to the other. that's something ME just didn't get. as far out of control as Willow got she would NEVER harm Tara. but you know, I am trying to stay true to the characters so maybe that's the difference...



barnabasvamp I promise a soft landing at the bottom of that cliff. but it's gonna be a bumpy ride down.



cindylouwho hey sue! thanks for your faith in me (and tara). and as far as the collision -- assume crash positions. ooo, and I sooo love to be quoted



rane018 wait, I'm not clear on this... is the tickling supposed to be a threat? or a promise? so glad you're still finding the time to read between writing your own epics (yes, I'm a camp flutie fan too! and you already know about my working out the kinks obsession). and it makes me so happy that you're reading the S4 and catching the parallels. I'm starting to think I should have posted these two together or something.



frumpycat hey and welcome aboard! I LOVE to get new readers. you've made me a very happy fic slave. because I am you know...a slave to the WT goodness.



thanks again to everyone reading and writing and just being kittens.