by lipkandy » Thu Nov 07, 2002 5:43 am
sorry for the lateness, but this update kind of got away from me. I wanted it to go in one direction, but Willow and Tara really wanted it to go in this one, so...
darkmagicwillow I think Willow gonna hit herself over the head...or maybe a kiss...
jd god I love your feedback . I think I'm gonna shift back in time and reread it...for inspiration.
molly I'm kind of in the camp that willow couldn't possibly lie to Tara and all that S6 stuff was just somebody's bad dream.
missquirky oh, there's more...
snuggle thanks! I'm glad you're getting it. I was starting to think that I was overthinking this fic and making it too complicated.
pikescoob "can't wait to see what happens next!" neither can I
xita yes, the terrible, nagging insecurity that dogs our girls will continue to make their lives much more complicated than it has to be (see NMR). and the insanity of the two overlapping time-travelling fics is turning my head around with each installment.
evilwillsgrl pre and S4 Willow and Tara are simply the best characters ever written on any show. period. so writing fic for them is a pleasure.
borednowokay, you're so not a terrible person when it comes to feedback. and being a long-time lurker I know the fear and terror of posting. thanks for your great feedback! it helps. believe me.
it all helps.
okay, on with the fic...
Part VI
"…think we’re ready." Tara again. Her voice bringing Willow slowly back to reality, to this now. But she was still holding onto that other now with the blonde’s lips on her fingertips and…
…the kiss.
She kissed me…sort of. Right? I mean, on my hand, but it was all with the heat and the both sheets under and…
Willow brought shaking fingertips to her lips and waited for her eyes to focus, waited for the spell to finish its transition. It seemed to take longer this time. The world was still shifting and stretching around her. Even the sound of Tara’s voice was wrong, rising and falling in pitch.
Where am I?
The room was dark, lit only by candles and she could feel it – magic – all around them strong and sensual and well, kind of hot.
"Willow?" And the world burst into focus with that one word. But it wasn’t the word, it was the person forming it. Tara. It’s like a drug, well, I mean, if I’d ever done drugs and knew what they were like. So, okay, it’s more like chocolate and twelve mochas….my name when Tara says it. It’s like…
She thought back to all the times she had been mesmerized by the sound of her name on the blonde’s lips. Stuck in a loop as her mind went over and over the way it rolled through her stopping everything, holding her still in place and time. She’s like a mini-time machine, the redhead thought with a thin smile.
When she says my name it’s like…
"Willow?"
…a spell.
The world shifted again and she felt her stomach lurch as if she were going to be sick. And then the warm stillness of the blonde’s hand on her arm, centering everything.
"Are you okay?"
"Uh-huh," the redhead looked down at the graceful fingers splayed against her arm and smiled.
Okay, focus. Where are you and…when the heck are you?
She forced herself slowly out of Tara World to find that they were seated cross-legged facing each other in the center of a chalky outline of a circle and pentagram.
Oh, a spell! We’re doing a spell. Oh God, which spell?
She froze as she ran through the possibilities.
"We don’t have to do this, if y-you’re not r-ready?"
Not ready…for what?
Willow wiped her palms on her… what am I wearing this time?
She looked down to find that she was again in cargo pants.
Apparently this is some kind of cargo pants-centered spell. It’s all about pockets and…
Then she remembered that Tara had complimented her on this particular pair of pants weeks before. And (what a coincidence!) she had worn them constantly afterward without really making the conscious connection. Buffy had even commented on her monotonous wardrobe and offered her a pile of skin-tight alternatives. She groaned internally at her own transparency hoping that the blonde hadn’t noticed.
"No. I’m ready," the redhead said with a deep intake of breath.
"Um, which spell are we doing again?"
She looked up to find blue eyes sparkling with amusement.
"Um, the fairy lights? Kinda your idea."
"Oh, yeah…" The fairy lights spell. Images flashed rapidly through her mind. This was one of their failures. Well, not a failure exactly, more of a disappointment. Willow had found the spell in a book she had 'borrowed from Giles and had suggested it because of the fairy lights in Tara’s room. But despite a strong surge of power, the spell had only produced a few sparks, not the room full of dancing lights the book had promised.
She sighed again. Great, I’m stuck in a spell and now I get to do a dud of a spell with Tara. Well, at least it’s with Tara.
And then she remembered the rest of the night and cringed.
Another Oz fest, with much whining about Buffy and Xander’s lack of attentiveness thrown in to make the miserable evening complete. Her foot began to fidget again and she shifted to stifle it under the weight of her right leg.
No wonder the spell didn’t work…but I don’t have to do the Oz stuff. She doesn’t remember anything. The past isn’t effecting the future so…
But she had to admit to herself that she didn’t really know anything. She could be in some kind of loop that’s effects would only be seen after the spell was complete. Which was an interesting thought that definitely should be included in her notes…
Oh god, my notes! They’re in the past. And I didn’t even get a chance to copy them over first.
This really is hell, she thought with a shudder.
"Will?"
"Oh, yeah! Fairy lights," she smiled brightly and extended her hands toward Tara. "I’m all about the fairy lights." She gasped as Tara’s warm hands closed over her own. "Go fairy lights," she covered hastily and then looked into Tara’s eyes to find her center again. The blonde’s lips quirked into another lop-sided smile and Willow felt everything melt.
And we’re holding hands, she thought with a warm smile. Which is why spells are good. Yay spells!
Tara’s eyes held her with an intense, but ultimately patient gaze and the redhead realized with a start that she was waiting for her. The incantation.
Oh, the incantation. But I don’t remember! So focus and let her lead the way this time...
She felt the steady blue gaze like a physical pressure and then the unmistakable sensation of the blonde’s thumb moving in a light circle over the back of her hand.
Oh god, she’s touching me again…and it’s not just friendly, spell-casting type touching ‘cause this is all with the naughty thumb that's driving me crazy. Isn’t it?
She swallowed and realized that everything in the room including her fidgety foot had grown very still, all of her held in the blonde’s calm stare.
Let Tara lead the way…
Because she hadn’t before. Even though the blonde had a lifetime of experience Willow had rushed the past few spells and the results had been, well, just kind of mediocre. Or rose-rocket weird.
And then it began, the two of them speaking the words in tandem as if they had rehearsed it. As if they were speaking with one voice.
She felt one of her hands separate automatically from Tara’s as they moved as one to pick up the mixture of sand and herbs and sprinkled it over the small space between them.
Then the overwhelming sensation of heat as the spell built around them. Heat and tension and…arousal? The blonde, she realized with a sudden rush of panic, was sure to feel this through the magical connection they now shared. And she knew then that she had felt this way before when they had attempted this spell. The arousal, the nervousness. And she had shut herself down automatically, terrified. She had never felt that much in that particular way before. Ever. She had discounted it as a by-product of the spell at the time, but now…
The realization brought a new surge of energy and she heard Tara gasp. Her eyes flew open in an instant and she was almost blinded by the lights. Thousands of them floating lazily above them, burning bright.
Every other thought left her mind at the miraculous sight of Tara’s delight as she studied the lights above.
"It’s so beautiful," the blonde whispered reverently, her eyes still focused above them. But Willow found that she couldn’t look away from the blonde’s face as the lights danced across the pale planes of her cheeks and made her eyes sparkle. And she had never seen Tara so unrestrained and happy. It was breathtaking.
The blonde pulled them abruptly up and let one of Willow’s hands fall so that she could reach out to one of the lights. Willow took that opportunity to entwine her fingers firmly with Tara’s as the blonde gently guided one of the brighter lights to hover in the air between them.
"Is it… I mean, are they?"
The blonde just smiled and guided the glowing globe to the side of Willow’s face. "Wow, it’s warm and…kind of electric," the redhead smiled as her hair began to rise slightly in response to what was apparently a static charge. The blonde’s smile brightened even further as she released the tiny light and extended her hand causing a cloud of lights to follow the motion in a glowing figure eight through the air.
"Willow this is the most amazing thing…" she turned without finishing the thought to stare into the redhead’s eyes. "Thank you."
"Uh, um," Willow found that she was speechless for the first time in her life, but her face was definitely growing hotter. She knew that if the lights were brighter the blonde would see a scarlet flush on her face.
Okay, I’m swooning. I never understood the whole swoon thing ‘til this second. And I probably should be sitting ‘cause if I'm all about the swooniness and the weak in the knees…
Because the world was floating and…was it brighter?
"But Tara I didn’t…"
She was stopped by the bright sound of Tara’s unrestrained laughter as another cloud of pale blue lights erupted into the air around them. But Willow couldn’t see anything but Tara’s pleasure.
"Why are they getting brighter?" Willow asked absently.
Tara turned to her and took up her other hand, gently entwining her fingers through the redhead’s and the room brightened again.
" I think they’re re-responding to emotional triggers," she began and then rolled her eyes at her stuffy explanation.
"Like mood lights," Willow began excitedly. "Cool! That’s so…and we’re…so brighter must mean happier, ‘cause we’re all with the happy. Right?"
"Definitely with the happy," the blonde beamed in response. Willow watched in awestruck silence as Tara’s eyes tracked the lights swirling around them finally landing on the redhead’s face with a soft smile. "Oh Wil, you’re so beautiful…" the blonde began and then froze, her smile disappearing immediately. "S-sorry…"
And the lights dimmed slightly.
"Sorry?" Willow scrambled for something, anything to bring back the lights and the smile. "Why are you sorry? ‘Cause, you know, it’s not every day that a beautiful girl tells me I’m beautiful… or anyone really… so, no sorries. And lights, lights need to be bright so…happy? And okay, I’m babbling, but that usually makes you happy. Right?"
The blonde gave her a weak smile, but pulled her hands away gently before looking down. Willow found herself panicking as the lights dimmed again.
"Th-there’s some-th-thing I need to tell you," she began and then hugged herself tightly.
Oh God! What did I do? Did I make a pass and I don’t know it? ‘Cause, hello, not so knowledgeable when it comes to lesbian signals, so…
"Um, I’ve w-wanted to t-tell…" the blonde took a deep breath to steady herself and Willow felt weak and dizzy. "I’m gay." Tara blurted out suddenly and Willow stood absolutely still afraid that if she said a word it would shatter the tenuous hold she seemed to have on this reality. She could feel that slight stretch and shift she had felt before…this was important. Somehow this moment had everything to do with the spell. Which didn’t make sense because there was no big magic, no demons and no Buffy. How could this be important?
But Tara had been in every shift. Every time had involved Tara. Not Buffy.
And that’s what you need to be thinking about! The spell, the time shift. Not this. This is a distraction.
She looked up at the lights that were quickly dimming and was reminded again that this wasn’t real. This wasn’t how it happened. At all. She should be well into Oz weeping by now.
But Tara was looking at her expectantly, terrified of her response. She could see the panic, the fear of rejection and that brought her back to her reaction in the coffeehouse. Pulling away physically from the blonde. No wonder Tara had been so upset….
"I know," she said it softly without thinking and reached out to put her hand gently on the blonde’s arm mirroring the gesture of comfort that Tara had offered her so many times.
The blonde looked down, "I just…I d-don’t w-want you t-to think that I’m m-making a pass at you or anything ‘cause I would n-never do anything to r-ruin our friendship."
Oh no she’s crying. How did I make her cry again?
"Tara please…please don’t cry. I know you would never…I mean, believe you me it’s been made perfectly, totally in every way clear to me that you would never in, like, a million years think of me in that way…you know that wanting-to-kiss-me-in-a-gay-type-way way."
"What?"
Willow wasn’t sure if the blonde’s expression was confusion or simple astonishment.
"Um, what for what part? ‘Cause I’m kind of confused too and I said it."
"Wait, you knew I was g-gay?" the blonde asked, a deep line forming between perfect eyebrows. Before the redhead could respond, "and who told you th-that…that I d-don’t," Tara stopped abruptly and groaned softly in frustration.
"That you don’t think of me, um, that way?" Willow finished softly. "Well, see that’s kinda complicated with lots of explanation required and I’m not sure we have time…"
The blonde’s face fell and she looked down at her hands. "Oh, yeah. You probably need to ch-check on Buffy."
Willow noticed that the room was now lit only by the candles and a few intermittent sparks.
Way to kill a moment, you smooth-talker. So much for the happy, beautiful….
Beautiful. The blonde’s beautiful features were now twisted in shame and what Willow nowrecognized as self-deprecating anger and doubt.
"What? Wait. No." And when the blonde still wouldn’t look at her she grew desperate. "No! I mean, I know I’ve been a drive-by misery kind of friend so far, but that’s not this me okay? I’m staying…as long as you want."
She realized that by the end she was clutching the blonde’s arms tightly. Her first impulse was to pull away, but she realized that could send entirely the wrong message.
But if I stay here holding her what kind of message is that?
Okay, so don’t panic. Just loosen the grip and wait. If she doesn’t want you touching her she’ll move.
"You’ll be here for a wh-while then," Tara said softly with a slight smile and the room grew a little brighter.
Willow returned the smile and guided the blonde back to their original positions on the floor to recount the complicated story of her time-shifting adventures. She finished finally and there were several minutes of silence as the blonde sat deep in thought.
"It’s a silver th-thingy with…with stars?" which wasn’t what Willow was expecting at all. She watched as the blonde got up and walked over to her desk. After rifling through an immense book bag, she finally removed an ancient-looking tome.
"Yeah."
"It’s just…" Willow watched as slender fingers carefully turned the cracked pages. "I w-was looking for something in th-this the other day and I saw s-something," she stopped finally and brought the open book and set it between them. "and it seemed really, you know, familiar or something." She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind one ear and turned the page to face Willow.
It was the metal thingy. Exactly.
"Oh my…that’s it! That’s the thingy! With the stars and…" willow bent down to read the caption. Occum’s Heart – mythical demon device. "Tara how did you…why did you…?"
"I don’t know," the blonde shrugged again and smiled. "It j-just s-seemed so familiar…and s-sad." Willow bent down to read what little information there was on the object. Some vague references to demon legend and a deadly and super-powerful spell, but nothing else.
"So you were right about the spell part, Miss Smartypants…although you wouldn’t remember it. But you were…and you are," special the redhead smiled.
The blonde shrugged off her compliment, but Willow was happy to note that the room grew a little brighter. "So, I d-did some more research and there isn’t r-really that much about it, maybe because of the time shift thing…" Tara drifted off briefly deep in thought. "But in the legend Occum had it made to get a s-second chance to get his lover back." She shrugged again and looked at Willow. "If that h-helps at all."
Willow sat in stunned silence staring at the blonde. It was so perfectly Tara to make such an important and impossible connection and act like it was somehow an accident. Downplaying her contribution. And the redhead was torn between conflicting emotions. She wanted to throw Tara to the ground and kiss her, to show her how much she meant. How important she was. But the other part of her was there with all of the evidence to stop her.
The f-word. She said it. Remember.
And then her stomach turned again and she knew she was at another one of those points. A kind of strange attractor buried in the heart of the spell.
"Yeah, the time shift…" she mumbled absently. "Maybe it kind of erases itself as it goes, you know, changing the past? But what’s the point?"
Be very careful…
Because it’s a demon spell and that means big bad things if you don’t figure it out soon.
And that’s why the stretching’s getting worse. Soon it’ll probably stretch you into nothing.
"Well, maybe…I mean, d-did you want a s-second chance at something?" the blonde asked and Willow felt everything in the universe stop. She studied the sweet smile on those perfect lips, the clear blue of her eyes. The lights circling her head like a halo.
Tara is a Botticelli angel.
A second chance…
"You did," Willow said suddenly, surprising herself.
"I did what?"
Let Tara lead the way…
"You told me that you didn’t like me that way," she answered simply and waited. She could feel the spell building around them, turning her stomach in knots. "Back in the real now."
Second chance.
This had to be it. She could feel it, her mind racing through all the moments, circling finally around this point. That moment in Tara’s room when everything had gone so wrong and she had…run.
At least I’m looping around Tara….
Looping around Tara…
She smiled at her own thick-headed talent for missing the obvious. Of course it was Tara. It was all about Tara wasn’t it? Everything. Always.
Tara who was now shaking her head as she held Willow’s eyes.
"That’s not p-possible Willow…" the blonde rolled her eyes and smiled. "I mean, unl-less…no it’s just not p-possible." And then her face grew very serious. "But it’s okay if you don’t feel the s-same…I know you’re…I mean, Oz and you n-not like liking girls and everything."
She heard the blonde’s painful assertion, but her mind had taken off, running through the possibilities.
But what do I have to do to stop it? The looping? Do I have to cast a spell? Or is it some terrible demon thing I have to do? Because no. No demon stuff here. I don’t care if I’m stuck like this forever. And I’m not in that moment so, hello, where’s the second chance?
And what if I don’t get it right? Do I get a second chance at a second chance?
And she felt the stretching begin, cold and terrible this time.
"Willow?"
Everything stopped around the beautiful sound of that one word.
Tara. Tara was heat and magic. Stronger than any spell.
"It’s all about you," Willow murmured and studied the blonde’s lips again, remembering the erotic charge of the spell they had just cast. And the connection. We were connected and that means she felt it too. The heat and the…She felt it….
Tara felt it too.
The blonde licked her lips and Willow felt the world catch fire. I’m kissing her. Now. Demon device be damned!
Willow leaned in and brought her lips to Tara’s both of them moaning slightly at the moment of contact. And it was a universe of Tara, warm soft lips against her own, and no stretching. Willow leaned back finally to catch her breath and felt the universe stretch.
The last thing she saw was Tara’s smile bright and shining lit by a million tiny stars.
to be continued...
Edited because of serious EZCode ineptitude.
Edited by: lipkandy at: 11/9/02 1:21:30 pm
It's cool that Tara just accepts what Willow says is going on without question, I'm sure Will knowing about Aly helped a bit. Can't wait to see what happens next 
YAY!!! Can't wait for the next one! 
but thanks. I was so struck in this update by the brilliance of letting willow do, directly through quantum mechanics, what we all do throughout our teens and twenties (or longer, depending on how evolved we are): just putting ourselves into the same situation over and over until we resolve the original event and freakin' move on. lucky will, she gets to actually "loop around tara" and keep trying over in literally the same situation to make things right with her girl, not symbolically with different people over time. and just like it is for all of us, realizing the pattern is like two thirds of the work, and once you do, you feel like a total schmuck for having not realized it sooner. 
I love that I have no idea how this story is going to resolve itself, and yet I have no trouble following what's happening. keep it up, girl.
