Previous disclaimers apply
Chapter 10
Guilt washed over Tara in waves as she walked away from the Summers’ house. She moved in silence, amazed that her feet hadn’t decided to betray her for the second time in 24 hours. Walking away from Willow and the life they shared seemed so incredibly wrong. It was, in fact, the most unnatural, excruciating thing that Tara had ever done. Looking back at the house, the sad irony struck her. I always want to run to you, Darling, not walk away from you. But…I’m sorry…right now this is the only way.
She didn’t dare call a taxi from the house to take her to the bus station. That would be far too risky with Buffy at home, since her Slayer hearing would probably detect the sounds of the car’s engine, and Tara’s chance would be lost. If Buffy found out she’d never let Tara go, and she’d certainly never support this rather mad plan. Buffy would fear being in the path of Willow’s rage if the Slayer knowingly allowed Tara to leave. And like a dangerous game of “Rock, Paper, Scissors,” Willow’s rage would easily beat Buffy’s Slayer strength.
She reached the station just a few minutes prior to departure, bought her ticket, and stepped on board bus 362. She settled into a seat in the last row and felt another streak of panic creep along her spine. “I’m going to do it. There’s no other way,” she said aloud to boost her courage. Not that it helped much, she thought, as the bus pulled away from the station. Knowing that the trip from Sunnydale to her hometown of Redwood City would take hours, she finally let her body relax. Just a few hours. So much depends on this. My whole life…our life…ours…just a few… hours…Willow… These were her last focused but fragmented thoughts before she drifted to sleep, overwhelmed by apprehension, exhaustion, and excitement.
Buffy stormed out of the Wiccans’ bedroom. “MOVE!“ she yelled repeatedly to the two other girls. “Get dressed. Now! I’ll call Xander and Anya...and Giles. We’re gonna need the whole gang in on this!”
They were all ready in less than 5 minutes. Willow had entered complete panic mode, running around the house at a crazed pace, but accomplishing nothing. For the redhead’s own good, Buffy forced her best friend down onto the couch in the living room.
“Address,“ Buffy directed toward Willow.
“Huh? Wh-what?” Willow stammered.
“Her address, Will. Where do the Maclays live?” Buffy repeated, her voice rising with irritation at the delay.
“I...I-I’m…not sure,” Willow whispered, realizing that she had only a vague idea.
“How is it possible that you don’t know this!?” Buffy yelled.
“Well, we…I…it’s…she –“
“My god! You have sex with the woman 10 times a day and you don’t even know where she’s from? Jeez, do you ever actually talk to each other?” Buffy waved her hands in disgust and let out a frustrated, “Argggg!”
“How dare you?!” Willow shouted back at her. She choked back tears produced by grief but fuelled by anger. “How the hell can you say something like that? How can you be so...” Willow abandoned the sentence and buried her face in her hands. Tears fell heavily into her shaking palms.
“Perfect Buffy, as usual your compassion knows no bounds!” Dawn shouted, pushing her sister away from Willow. “God, you have the tact of a derailed locomotive! Why don’t you yell at her a little more while she’s shattered into pieces?! Or better yet…just go get Mr. Pointy, stake her through her broken heart and get it over with already!” Dawn grabbed her sister’s wrist roughly, locked eyes with the blonde, and let the sarcasm leave her voice. “Buffy, you need to get a grip and lay off!” the brunette warned, through a determined stare.
The Slayer shook herself from her frazzled state, gave a sobering half-nod to Dawn, and turned toward her best friend. “Oh, god…Will…I’m so sorry. I-I don’t know what I was…I just thought that...that...you’d know where...and I panicked.” Buffy was devastated. She hadn’t meant to insult her best friend, downplay the love the two witches shared, or hurt either of them, especially when they needed her support so badly. She sat down beside Willow, put her arms around her, and tried again to apologize. “Willow, I’m sorry. As usual my mouth was faster than my brain…I’m sorry. Will, please…”
“I-I-It’s ok,” Willow stammered between sobs. Her thoughts jumbled together as she tried to make a coherent sentence. “I know you didn’t mean to say those…I mean, you know she and I talk for hours on end…about everything and nothing…but she won’t…it-it’s just that Tara doesn’t like to speak about her fam—”
“Internet!” Dawn suddenly yelled, causing both seated girls to jump an inch or two straight up. “The Internet, Willow! Check the Internet. Has there ever been anything you couldn’t find on the Web? Come on, a simple address should be a snap!”
“Dawnie, you’re wonderful!” Willow shouted and jumped off the couch, wiping her tears away and giving the girl a kiss on the cheek before running upstairs. “Thank you for the reality check! I’ll grab my laptop and be back down in a second.”
“It sometimes pays off to have a little sister,” Buffy interjected. She hugged Dawn fiercely, and the younger Summers girl thought her ribs would splinter into bits. “We have to get Tara back here. Willow’s falling apart…and when was the last time she forgot about using her computer?”
“Probably the last time she held Tara in her arms,” replied Dawn, tears welling up in her already swollen eyes.
As promised, Willow was back downstairs in a flash and quickly had her laptop connected to high speed Internet, searching through nationwide telephone directories.
Within minutes she was shouting and cursing. “There are so many Maclays in here! Damn, I don’t know which one it is.” She shouted again and banged her hands on her beloved but presently traitorous computer. Her eyes blurring with tears, she sighed. “We’ll never find the right one in time.”
“School!” Again Dawn’s voice made Buffy and Willow jump.
“I love you but you really gotta stop doing that,” Buffy snapped.
Dawn ignored the comment and continued. “The school should have her address on file. I’m sure they’ll know!”
Seconds later, Dawn was pretty much certain her ribs were crushed. In a speed she’d never shown before, Buffy pounced on her little sister, gave her a hug, then leaped over to the phone to call UC Sunnydale.
Within a minute she’d connected with someone in the registrar’s office and started to explain that there was an emergency, and that people might be hurt or worse if she didn’t get the address. Obviously the woman on the other end of the line had been handed a few tall tales in her time. She was of no help whatsoever.
“Ok, now you’ve got yourself a whole lotta trouble, lady!” Buffy shouted and slammed the phone down. “Won’t work with me? Can’t be bothered to do it the nice, easy way? Fine! I’ll just make a friendly visit to your stupid office and get what I need – the Buffy way!”
“Leave a message for the others telling them to meet us at the UC administrative building!” Buffy called to Dawn and ran upstairs for her car keys.
A minute later they were a blur on the streets of Sunnydale and subsequently reached the school in record time.
“Stay here, it might get ugly,” the Slayer told the other two and stormed off.
“I hope she doesn’t overdo it,” Willow said. “She tends to forget the effects of ‘Slayer Adrenaline’ these days.”
A car pulled up beside them and Xander and Anya jumped out and ran over.
“What in the name of all demons great and small is going on?!” Anya shouted at the top of her voice. “I was mere seconds away from my first morning orgasm when the phone rang! That’s very rude, you know.”
Xander wanted to shout back at her, but he was silenced by the expression on Willow’s face and the tears he saw flowing freely down her pale cheeks.
“Dawnster, what happened?” he asked in a calming tone.
“Tara...she went home. She’s going to confront her father,” Dawn replied, tears threatening to storm her face once again.
“What? How? What?” Xander’s mind reeled. “How could she go there alone? What on earth was she thinking? He’ll beat the hell out of her!” he shouted in pure shock. Xander realized how harsh that sounded and then lowered his voice. “Oh man, we have to stop her.”
“I’ve got it, I’ve got it!” Buffy’s voice roused them from their confusion. “I have the address. Let’s move.”
“Any, uhm, problems getting the info?” Dawn asked, a little worried about the lengths to which her big sis might have gone to obtain it.
“Nope, no problem. With a proper slamming of the door and just the right tone of utter pissed-off-ed-ness in my voice, she became pretty obliging,” the Slayer answered with a perky smirk. “You know – the Buffy way.”
Giles had managed to meet them in front of the building just seconds before they took off.
“No wonder you guys lost your empire…if all of you are so deadly slow,” Buffy snorted at him as he got in the back of the Jeep.
“I beg your pardon?” the Englishman replied, offended. “While we were having tea with the moguls of India you were eating and shooting buffaloes and Indians, respectively.”
“Native Americans.”
“What?”
“’Indians’ isn’t politically correct. It’s ‘Native Americans.’ I thought you learned that during our little Thanksgiving visit from the Chumash tribe” Before her watcher could respond, she rubbed her chin, and with a smug grin added, “Hmm…British substandard memory retention. Yet another reason we have Independence Day.”
“Now wait a moment! I’ll have you know – “
“Aughh! Cut the crap!” Dawn yelled at both of them, “Giles sit, Buffy drive,” she added.
After arguing over the map for several minutes, the gang estimated it would take them at least three hours to reach the Maclay’s house. Unfortunately, the flow of traffic – or rather the lack of said flow – would add more time to their trip.
“Buffy, we’d prefer to arrive there alive and in reasonable health.” The blonde heard this and many similar comments as she pushed the Jeep to its limits. She also heard several words unsuitable for public consumption, even from Willow who usually refrained from such language.
“Do not speak to the driving Slayer!” she shouted back. “I’ll kick you out and you can get there by way of flying monkeys for all I care!”
“Oooh, no way! You don’t want to hitch a ride with those, no Sir! They smell and have horrible tempers. And don’t even ask them about ‘frequent flyer’ miles. Seriously, I’m telling you, they –“
“Anya!” A chorus of voices rang out. They continued the drive in welcomed silence.
***********
Tara had the cab stop several hundred yards away from the Maclay house.
“Are you sure you have the address right, Miss?” the cab driver asked the pretty blonde for the second time. “That’s no place for a nice young lady such as yourself. It’s pretty widely known around these parts that those Maclays are a weird folk…a dangerous bunch.”
The blonde’s head dipped as she took in his words. “I know. I lived there for 17 years.” She opened the door to get out and softly repeated, “I know only too well.” Tara paid the cabbie, making sure to include a generous tip with the fare. The man stared at her, for the first time seeing her deep blue eyes, and it suddenly dawned on him who she was. As he leaned forward to adjust his rear-view mirror, he reiterated his warning. “Be careful, lassie.” With a quick wave and a compassionate smile, he and the yellow cab were gone.
“I’ll try,” she whispered to herself. “I really will.”
The trip had afforded her the time to work out her plan fully. She started going over it in her head as she walked toward her father’s house. Father’s house, she thought. This place long ago ceased to be my house. Or my anything. Tara’s mind suddenly jumped the fence in search of happier thoughts and her true home. My everything. My Willow…
Would talking really do it? Could she get through to them? With each step Tara took toward the house, doubts about her plan doubled. So did her newly acquired feeling of nausea.
Not wanting to be seen by anyone, she decided to walk across the field rather than walk on the road. She passed the old redwood tree she’d sat under so often and so long ago. Its massive trunk was over four feet wide and Tara could remember leaning against it, listening to her mother tell stories of magick and wonder. Then later, by herself, when she needed someplace to get away from the Maclay men, Tara would hide behind its beautiful strength.
She’d need to wait until the evening to be certain her father was home.
The trees, the smells, this house, the memories...it’s all so much. Too much.
“Mama, I miss you. I miss you so much. If I didn’t have Willow...” she said out loud and then silenced herself instantly.
Willow my love, if I hadn’t met you I would probably be...well, how could I have survived the past few years without you? No matter what you did to me, what you’ve given me is worth so much more. Goddess, Willow I love you. I’ll love you forever and nothing will ever change that. If you used dark magick, hell, if you tore the world apart with black magick, I’d still be there by your side…still loving you. Always.
She sat down and tears began to flow down her cheeks. The place brought back so many memories for her. A few were filled with love and pleasure, but most were consumed by horrid imagery, filled with fear, pain and agony.
Can't wait for the next installment and the big confrontation!
-Cameron 
...
It was such a well written full blown panic attack. 
, but hang in there, kittens. Thanks for reading! 
ok those were two extremely hard and touching updates. It was hard to see all the scoobies in fear and sadness...i bet they will arrive when Tara leaves the house or something like that. 
and 
!
And Definently Some Of This 
Of The Bad Variety. 
.......Also Im Very Tired 
Might Be Me....Nahhh Im Kidding theres No Actual Pressure Coming From Me. Anyways Continue! Im Just Gonna Shut Up Now 
.
our fic.