Fic: Finding Heaven

[RalSt31]

I didn't expect Willow to say that either, although it is very in keeping with her character. A highly emotional update, that could only be improved by the appearance of the next



All Willow/Tara, all the time Oh yeah



RalSt

[Marilda]

Yeah so blame Mariacomet for this update, her fic inspired me.



Anyway, here is the next part for those interested, and I hope someone out there still is I am the worst updater in the world I know.



Next part



Tara steps back, shock and confusion evident in her eyes, she’s sure she heard wrong. “I have to do what?” she asks.



“Baby,” Willow says, her voice breaking, “you have to ask them to take you back.”



Tara removes her palm from Willow cheek, then looks down at the hand as if it was a foreign being, “Willow…how could you ask me that…no, of course not, why would I do that?”



“They’ll take them back,” Willow persists, “they’ll make the memories go away!”



Tara nods, understanding coming into her eyes and with the understanding a conscious decision to make her lover understand. “You value our love so little?” she questions softly.



“I…what?”



“Do you think so little of my feelings for you?” Tara questions again, this time more adamantly.



Willow’s gaze is now filled with confusion and hurt, “Tara, I….NO.”



“Then why do you believe that I would give you up?”



“Baby, I can’t see you hurt, I can’t see you remember…”



“Willow, yes, it hurts, it hurts knowing what my fa…” she trails off. “What that man did to me, it hurts realizing what m-momma tried to keep me from remembering with her spell, God sweetie it hurts.”



“See!” Willow interrupted. “Tara, I can’t stand for you to…”



“But,” Tara continued, “It would hurt me a thousand times more if I lost you again.”



“These,” she points to her head. “These memories are worth it. They’re worth it if it means that I get to be with you sweetie. Don’t you understand that?”



Tara moves toward her lover again, this time grabbing her shoulders, “Don’t you understand how pivotal you are?”



Willow looks into Tara’s eyes, her lower lip trembling, “Tara, I...”



“Willow, you are it for me,” Tara continues, her eyes filling with tears. “You are the sun and the moon. You are the axis the world spins on. You are my world. N-nothing, nothing matters more. Nothing means more to me. And if that means that I have to remember what happened to me, if that means that I’d have to remember and relive it ten-fold, then sweetie, it’s worth it.”



Willow is crying freely now, the tears falling steadingly down her face.



“I know for you it’s been three months,” Tara continues, “But for me, sweetie, for me we were just making love a couple of days of ago. We had just found each other again, and on that night, I promised, I SWORE,” she says adamantly, “ that I would never let you go again, I swore by the gods, that I would remain by your side as long as you’d have me. And I’ve faced the gods, I faced death and I’m facing my childhood demons but that promise still holds. The only thing that will keep me away from you is if you tell me you don’t want me.” She paused, and then pleaded softly, “Please don’t tell me you don’t want me.”



Willow looks into Tara's eyes, into the desperation and need in those blue eyes, and her resolve breaks. “Baby, oh god, I’m sorry,” Willow says as she pulls Tara into a hug. “I’m so sorry. Of course I want you! Life without you is nothing, it’s grey.”



“Then don’t ask me to go back, don’t ask me to try to go on without you!” Tara pleads desperately, her tears now having free reign.



“NO.” Willow says as she pulls Tara deeper into her arms. “No, no, no. God I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Forgive me baby, I love you, I love you so much.” She says and starts kissing Tara’s face - her lips an affirmation of her love.



Tara’s cries become bigger, her sobs now overtaking her completely.



“Shh, baby,” Willow says, “It’s okay, I’m sorry, you don’t have to go back okay? You’re staying here; you’re staying here with me.”



Minutes later and the women are on the floor, Tara holding on to Willow’s waist; Willow’s back leaning against the side of the bed. The tears have shed their course and now the dam is thinning, the water almost out. Tara sniffles and burrows her head more readily into Willow’s shoulder. Willow continues holding on tightly to her lover with one arm while the other’s hand softly smoothes Tara’s hair.



“Tara,” Willow begins softly. “I’m…I know I’ve said this, but I’m sorry baby. I just, I hate that you remember.”



“It hurts Will, oh God it hurts,” Tara replies brokenly. “What he did to me, I see it all now and it’s like a movie, it’s clear and it’s perfect and I remember every single detail. It’s terrifying.”



“Baby…”Willow cries softly. Her fingers running through the blonde’s hair.



“I don’t think I can face this without you,” Tara says.



“You won’t have to,” Willow replies and kisses Tara’s forehead, “Anything you face, you won’t face alone. Never again.”



Tara turns her face up and looks into her lover’s eyes. They both lean forward, desperately needing the contact. Their lips touch, reconnections are made, and reunions of souls are solidified.



Willow pulls back, “You’ll tell me?” she questions.



Tara nods, “Everything.” She begins kissing her lover again, this time her tongue peaking out, seeking purchase, seeking an opening. “Later.” She whispers into Willow’s lips. “Right now I need…”



The front door slams and Buffy’s voice carries up the stairs. “TARA!!”



The lover’s break apart as they hear the slayer’s footsteps. The bedroom door opens and reveals the bruised and battered body of the Chosen One. Her lip is bloodied, her shoulder bruised and her eye is blackened. She looks around the room and quickly finds them sitting on the floor.



“We have to move!” she yells. “Now!”



“What?” Willow scrambles up. “Buffy, what’s going on?”



“I was coming back from the shop, ran into this guy down the block, tall, blonde, handsome. I’m thinking okay, hello cutie and start walking toward him, only; he sees me and out comes this big sword. He calmly tells me that I’m holding the defector and that if I don’t get in the way no harm will come to me, only, hello? No idea what he’s talking about! But then he mentions you,” Buffy points at Tara. “So I try to stop him and then this,” she points to her bruises, “happens.”



“I managed to get a few shots in edgewise but I don’t think I slowed him down for long so we need to get moving!” Buffy finishes.



Willow reaches down to pull Tara to her feet when the house begins to shake. Buffy runs toward the window and sees the man walking toward the house. “He’s coming!”



Tara runs toward the window sees the light surrounding the man, sees his wings. She steps back, the fear in her eyes evident. “It’s begun.”

[eccentrictulip]

i'm so glad you updated marilda!! this is one of my favorite fics this part was so emotional, but so neccessary for willow and tara, really lovely to read. and, of course, buffy with her usual bad timing of sorts.....quite a cliffhanger as well!!! i hope you'll be adding more soon-ish.....this was a fantastic update as always!!

*please use both hands....*

[Washi]

I just found this fic last night. I read it all. I love it. Great idea, great angst (me love angst ) and great style. I'll be waiting for an update.

[barnabasvamp]

So glad you're back...



But did ya have to go and leave us hanging like that!!



I'm glad the two of them got all the memory issues worked out before the confrontation begins. I think they're going to need each other.



BV

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before"-Mae West

[Grimlock72]

It occured to me that the Angel outside isn't the main problem. That is, getting rid of that one angel wont solve anything. TPTB will just send another, unless this angel is just one being pissed off that Tara got out from under his 'care'.



Did Buffy do any damage to mr. not-so-nice angel btw. ? Mr. angel was fairly stupid, announcing that Buffy had to stay away while he took Tara back from the living... riiight. He *could* have talked his way into the house and closer to Tara before going with the evil-actions and such... but nooo.



Anya's knowledge about heaven/angles and such would be usefull right now. Where is a vengance demon when you need one ?



Now assuming the TPTB want Tara returned to their version of heaven (since she well... died), what would it take for them to let go of that plan ? Based on the musings of mr. angel it seems 'love' on it's own wont do it. Exactly what "has begun" anyway ? What does Tara know which we don't ??



I did feel sorry for Tara having more unpleasant memories coming back along with the good ones. Sure, she'll deal with those eventually but it won't be fun. Bonus points for Willow in not offering to help her forget them again.



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 3/22/03 8:55:28 am

[Marilda]

eccentrictulip Thanks for the compliments. Yeah, Buffy's timing is always lacking a certain finesse



washi Hi! I'm glad you found the story and I'm glad you like the angst cause I too am a big lover of it, I like examining it and finding out what it is about it that fascinates and motivates us so. Anyway, hope you like the rest of the story as well, thanks so much for reading.



barnabasvamp Hi, I'm glad that you're glad. Yeah motivation comes and goes, that an life is hella busy most of the time. Sorry about the cliffhanger...well no I'm not, but I'm sorry if it upset you. I personally love cliffhangers cause they're all will their cliffhangerness and stuff



Grimmy wow, so many astute observations. I dont' think Buffy did much damage to mr. angel man at all. As to his motivations, well it has something to do with her walking up to him and addressing herself and the way that he thinks, which will be discussed in future chapters (hopefully in an understandable way).



And as to the other observations



I actually have most of the next part ready so it should be up either tonight or tomorrow.

[barnabasvamp]

Quote:

---

Sorry about the cliffhanger...well no I'm not, but I'm sorry if it upset you.

---

Hey, no problem...Just couldn't let you think you got away with that big ole cliffhanger, and no one noticed!



Kind of essential for the story, I think. Just keeps us hanging around to see what happens!

BV

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before"-Mae West

[Marilda]

Tara’s heart is pounding in her ears, her breath coming in gasps, the air feeling like tiny pinpricks of needles as she remembers to draw breath. Her legs feel wobbly, the strain she puts on them causing her bones to reverberate throughout her body. Her head is pounding and her body is weakening, yet she continues running. She can do nothing else, anything else means failure, means defeat, and she will not stand down. Her only solace is the hand clutched tightly into her own, the body attached to that hand, the soul inside that body. She looks back and sees Willow’s eyes, sees the confusion in them, the questions not yet asked. She wants to ask why they are running; who it is that is coming toward them, but now is not the time, now is the time to keep up, to make her seemingly unwilling body move.



Finally, they reach there destination and are able to stop. They lean over, hands on knees and try to draw breath.



“Okay, I think we lost him,” Buffy says. She is in front of them, her hand already on the doorknob that she has just managed to close. “You sure you’ll be safe here?” She asks Willow.



Willow nods. “Yes, this is my dad’s best friend’s house. He’s away and he told my dad where he kept the key. He’s not coming back for months.”



“Okay,” Buffy nods. “I need to get back out there; I need to get Dawn, Xander and Anya over here.” She reaches for the knob, pauses, then turns back around and engulfs Willow in a hug. “He’s not getting her,” she whispers in her ear, “I won’t let him.”



Willow tightens her grip, nods. “We won’t let him,” she whispers back.



Buffy let’s go and looks over at Tara, “You’ll be okay here?”



Tara nods.



“Okay, I’ll be back soon.” She reaches out, cups Tara’s cheek with her hand, “I…” she pauses, turns to look at Willow then back to Tara, “I’m glad you’re back Tara, I…we’ve missed you so.”



Tara reaches up and cups Buffy’s hand with her own, “I’ve missed you too.” She says, as her eyes mist.



Buffy nods, looks at both of them again then heads out.



The witches look at the door for a moment, neither knowing what to say. Reluctantly they take there eyes away from it and look at each other. Willow sighs.



“Come on,” she says, grabbing Tara’s hand, “let’s go sit down.”



They make their way around the unfamiliar house to a comfortable looking couch. They sit next to each other, their bodies touching, unwilling to be without contact.



Willow is tracing the back Tara’s hand with her thumb, grazing the delicate veins she sees their softly.



“Who is he?” she finally asks. The only information Willow and Buffy had managed to get out of Tara earlier was that he was after her, that he wanted to take her back. Now, after running and finding safe haven, Willow wanted more answers.



Tara leans back on the couch, resting her head on her lover’s shoulder. “His name is Animus.”



“What does he want?”



Instead of answering the question, Tara turns her hand around so that she can entwine her fingers with Willow. She sighs and closes her eyes.



“Baby?” Willow questions.



“He wants me back.” Tara replies.



“Well he’s not getting you,” Willow says, her tone agitated as her grip on the other girl’s hand tightens. “How do we stop him?”



Tara looks at her lover, her soul mate and tells her the words that have been haunting her since her return, “I have to kill him.”

[barnabasvamp]

Oh, what a tease you are!



This is getting very interesting! I'll just curl up here and wait

BV

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before"-Mae West

[Grimlock72]

"*I* have to kill him"... is it that specific ? Both Willow and Buffy will gladly do that for Tara. It's hardly fair that Tara has to kill anything, she's such a kind spirit.



Even if she does it (likely because Willow or another scooby is threathened by mr. Angel) she'll feel awfull over it for a loooooong time. Even if it's easy to justify, Tara is just not the kind of person to forgive herself for such things.



I vote Buffy gets to kill the demon, she has some catching up to do from last year after all



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[Domaris]

Okay, I just went through the whole thread and .. I'M CRYING!



GO GIRL GO! Slay that bastard !



Btw, EXCELLENT story

"Rock my world!" - Gia

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes" - Somebody

[Cindy Lou Who]

Okay I'm all with the torn emotions here.



Yes I know I want Animus to go away. But I got a sense from your earlier writing that he didn't really "revel" in his work at hand. He seemed to bask a little in the shared love he watched through the window. Yet he is duty-bound.



And I'm twisted thinking that Tara might have to kill him. She's not like the rest who can rationalize it all away. Tara's so wonderful because she *really* does *get* the implications of magic and violence and death. I think that's why everyone is so drawn to her. She gets the depth of it all. For all their experience and knowledge the rest of the Scoobies don't...but they want to. And she is their conduit.



If I were Tara I would so much want to stay...but at what cost?



You keep me guessing you do!~Suse

~From the acerbic pen of Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)~:



"If you can't say something nice about someone...come sit here by me!"



"If all the girls attending [the Yale Prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

Edited by: Cindy Lou Who at: 3/29/03 7:24:11 pm

[eccentrictulip]

i was looking through some of the older pages and somehow i missed the last update!! that animus guy is bad news....it was so strange to imagine tara saying "i have to kill him." a really powerful moment. i hope you'll come back to this fic at some point--it's really a great piece.

~*I would like to be the air that inhabits your body for one moment

only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary*~ Margaret

Atwood

[Marilda]

Hey, hi. So listen, I'm gonna finish this story if it's the last thing I do. I'm in the middle of the next part now, I'll send it over to my wonderful beta soon, and will hopefully have something by the middle or end of the week.



And now onto the feedback, which I really appreciate and know I'm a little late in responding to, well, about 6 months late, but...um, yeah...sooo sorry.



barnabavamp - Oh gosh sweetie, I hope you're still not curled up and waiting. God, what a cramp that would be. Anyway, thank you for reading. And that part about being a tease? Yeah, I get that alot. In fact, do you know my girlfriend?



Grimmy - Yeah, Tara having to kill anyone, I believe, goes against everything we know about her character, which is why I think it makes such an interesting scenario. Hopefully, she can get herself out of it!



Domaris - Ooh, I made you cry? Is it sadistic of me that that makes me happy? Wait, don't answer that. I'm glad you've enjoyed the story.



Cindy Lou Who - Keeping you guessing is what it's all about sweetie. Yeah Tara is in quite a dilema isn't she?



eccentrictullip - HI! Guess what? I'm updating. Cool beans huh? Thank you for continuing to support this story even when I've acted like an extremely irresponsible writer. I truly appreciate it. Hopefully, you'll like what's coming.

[eccentrictulip]

ooh, an update on the way??? wahoo!!!!!!! i'm glad you decided to continue with this--it's one of my favorites *patiently waits while doing a happy dance*

~*I would like to be the air that inhabits your body for one moment

only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary*~ Margaret

Atwood

[Marilda]

Hey eccentrictulip, what kind of happy dance?



Next Part



He doesn’t understand- rules and regulations. He doesn’t grasp why they are important. Well, he does understand their overall importance, but the reason why they couldn’t be overlooked just this once? No, he doesn’t. Especially when the person clearly wasn’t finished. When it seemed that their story wasn’t finished. The life those two still had left, the love he felt coming off of them in waves…he doesn’t understand.



That, however, matter not. Just because you wanted something didn’t mean you were capable of getting it. And no matter how he wants NOT to be doing what he was doing, no matter how much he wishes to turn around, to walk away and let Tara and her lover be, he can’t. It is duty, and for him, for what he is, duty supercedes everything else.



The sad thing is that he’s found them. He knows where they are now. They had managed to hide from him for days. He even thought that he would be able to go back and tell, well, who he was supposed to tell, that he had failed. His failure would mean exile, yes, but exile could be withstood. The knowledge that you had tried and failed, to him, could be justified. But the shirking of duty? The deceitfulness of knowing you had in your grasp the power to do what you were meant and instead chose to ignore it? That was intolerable, that was unforgivable.



He sighs and reaches back to retrieve his sword. He sees the opening of the cave now, he knows they are inside, he knows what he had to do once he reaches them, once he reaches her.





Willow reaches over to her backpack and pulls out a cellophane-wrapped sandwich. She unwraps it with dirt-stained hands and pauses before taking the first bite. “Are you sure you don’t want some?” she asks the person sitting opposite of her. “ You have to eat something.”



Tara shakes her head no. The thought of food is repulsing to her right now, the thought of anything, actually, seems too much to bear. She wants things to be easy, like they should be. She wants to be back in her home lying on the bed, and making love to Willow. She wants the certainty of a future with this woman. She wants a marriage proposal, damn-it. She wants kids and arguments and sleep deprived nights. She wants to worry about wrinkles and graying hair and hearing Willow say that she still finds her attractive.

What she has instead is a set of clothes that haven’t been washed in days, arms and hands that are covered with dirt by the frantic attempt to get so high up in the cave, and an overwhelming belief that she has somehow condemned Willow to a life of constant fear, and, ultimately, grief.



“I’m sorry,” she says softly.



Willow looks up from debating on whether or not the sandpapery taste she gets in her mouth every time she bites into the sandwich is worth the nutritional value of the sandwich itself.



“Sorry for what baby?”



“For this,” she says, frustrated. “For putting you through this.”



“Tara…” Willow warns.



“No,” Tara says forcefully, pushing herself off the ground. “Damn-it, I don’t want this for us…for you. You deserve so much more than this…”



Willow, having enough, throws her sandwich to the floor. She too, gets up and moves to stand in front of the blonde.



“Tara…” Willow says, as she places a hand on the blonde’s forearm.



Tara looks down at her hands, not able to meet the redhead’s eyes. Everything is a mess, she thinks, and it’s all her fault.



Willow puts her hand under Tara’s chin and forces the blonde to look at her.



“I thought we’ve had this conversation,” she admonishes softly.



Tara’s eyes fill with tears. “I know.” She answers. “But…”



“No.”



“Willow, maybe you should…”



“No.”



“All I am saying is that maybe it’s better for you if you le…”



Instead of replying in the negative once again, Willow grabs a hold of Tara’s face with both hands, leans in, and kisses her.



Tara resist momentarily, but the pull –- the call—of her girlfriends mouth on her, of her tongue seeking purchase, is too much. So surrenders to the kiss gradually, helpless against the power that Willow has on her, helpless against the love that inundates her senses whenever she’s around.







It is like that that he sees them. Kissing. He hesitates for a moment, just a moment and his sword wavers. His hands fall listlessly to the ground, causing the sword to make a clanking noise on the floor. The sound reverberates throughout the cave.



Willow and Tara break apart and notice the intruder. Willow moves to stand in front of her love, but is stopped. Tara moves forward, trembling slightly. She begins to look down, but thinks better of it and instead sticks her chin out defiantly.



“Animus,” she says.



He nods his head in greeting. “You knew I was coming.”



“I did, I just thought it’d be later, much later. You know a-after I’ve lived a while.”



“I thought so too, but they realized quickly. They know I allowed this to happen, even that I perpetuated the circumstances for the occurrence.”



“They know you helped me come back?”



He nods.



“So they thought it fitting for you to make me return?”



“Yes.”



She nods, thinking of the irony. She knows it will begin soon, she knows what she is supposed to do, but first, she wanted to show him what he helped her come back to. She turns slightly and pulls Willow forward. “Animus, this is Willow.”



For a moment, his face softens and he smiles. “She is as you described her.”



He turns toward Willow, “You are privileged red one, to have one such as her loving you.”



He takes a step toward Tara and Willow stiffens defensively. He puts his hands up in a gesture meant to convey momentary peace. He moves in and touches Tara’s cheek, feeling the smoothness of her skin.



“Don’t hold back,” he whispers against her ear. “Try everything you can. Make sure you do everything to kill me, as you know that I must do everything in my power to bring you back.”



He leans in and kisses her. After a moment, he steps back. The look of caring changes and becomes blank.



Tara is scared, terrified even. She has to kill him, he just said so. He just confirmed it. She turns to Willow and tells her she loves her.



Animus raises his sword in readiness.



Tara straightens her shoulders, takes a deep breath, and steps forward.



It has begun.

[irishlassie101]

OMG



I have read a good few fics but this one is --I´m missing words to describe



there couldn´t be a more beautiful story to desribe their love



PLEASE update soon



Aishling

[Arwen276]

OMG IT HAS BEGUN!!!!!





I want to know the outcome!!!!



Too much suspence!!!





update soon!



~Arwen

Hear That Baby? You're My Always... Willow

[Marilda]

Aishling - Thanks so much for the kind words. I am grateful that you find the story worth your time. As to their love, well, it's a beautiful thing, I'm just trying to capture however much of it I can.



Arwen - HEE!! I want to know the outcome too! I hope I can figure it out soon. Thanks for reading.

[Grimlock72]

Err... WHAT has begun exactly ?? After all it hardly seems like a fair fight, little Tara vs. Aminus-with-long-sword. Can he even BE killed for that matter ? Can't see Willow idly standing by while someone attacks Tara either, heh. (would make it easier for Tara to kill him if he were to attack Willow though)



Hmm.. now if magic can be used they can just set him on fire or teleport him far...faaaar away. But somehow that feels to easy, so it probably won't work. Hmm.. might have to re-read this story since some clues might have escaped me in the time passed



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[Willowtara19]

, Marilda!!



I've just finished the whole thread and.......WOW!! This fic is just awesome!



I'm really loving this story and, since I can't explain how much, I'll try this:



Pleeeeeeeeeeease, update soon??? I'm in need of my fix!



Willowtara19

[Incitatua 8]

Please finish this story. I read it before looking at the date it was started. I hate getting involved in a story that is forgotten. I sure hope more updates are coming!

[eccentrictulip]

i guess it certainly has begun, hasn't it? quite the set up--i can't imagine tara even killing a bug, let alone animus, but then, he doesn't seem too enthused with his end of the bargain either. curiouser and curiouser.....i can't wait to see where this leads to.....

and what kind of happy dance you say? maybe a little modern--i could pretend to be a swaying tree or something--a happy one, not one of those scary knarled up trees.....



anyway, once again, fantastic update!! i'm looking forward to more.....

*runs off to do a happy polka while waiting for the next update.*

~*I would like to be the air that inhabits your body for one moment

only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary*~ Margaret

Atwood

[Marilda]

Grimmy - No, it doesn't seem a fair fight, does it? It will be explained however, hopefully the explanation will be satisfactory. Thanks for reading, I really do appreciate your attention to detail.



Willowtara19 - HEE!! I like the emoticons! Wow, I'm like somebody's dealer now? I don't know if I can handle the responsibility.



Incitatua8 - Hi, I know that I've updated rather infrequently and while I can't promise that I'll update as frequently as you'd like, I do know this: for some reason my muse has decided to return; I plan on using the hell out of it and sucking as much inspiration as I can, before it decides to leave again.



eccentrictulip - A swaying tree dance? Interesting. I like the polka one as well, there is not enough polka dancing, in my opinion. People should do it more: on the streets, at church, in the club. It could be a polka craze!



Ahem, anyway. I'm glad you enjoyed. More soon. Really!

[Vizier Mountian]

This is such an enjoyable fic-even the Gods and Goddesses cannot keep away from her ! Please do write more ASAP. I wish my fics were as good as yours.

[Marilda]

Vizier Mountain - Thanks for the kind words. I'm nothing special really, and I'm sure your fics are amazing.







Next Part



The bleeding lags, the blood finally ceasing its constant, and for Willow, horrific flow. Seeing this, Willow is able to draw breath, allowing much needed oxygen into her lungs. If it stopped that means the pressure she’s applying is working, she thinks. Damn-it, she knows this. She knows first aid, it’s just, right now, the aid that she has to administer is to her still-unconscious girlfriend. That fact alone is enough to send her mind into a tail-spin.



Oh Goddess, when she fell…



Willow looks frantically around the cave, ignoring for now, the second body prone lifelessly in the ground not to far from them, ignoring the implications associated with its still form.



When Tara fell, Willow felt the earth had stopped. Not again, not again, not again, she repeated. Please not again.







The battle, if it could be called that, lasted minutes. It felt longer, but still it was merely within a matter of minutes that the fate of the blonde was decided by her own hand.

They fought: he with the sword and Tara with her magick. And Willow? Willow was regaled to the sidelines, forced to watch while her mate tried to stay alive. Oh, she tried to help. She was unable to keep out of it as Tara said she would have to, but Tara was right, and her interference was repelled and not allowed. A wall was put up, invisible and powerful. It blocked the redhead whenever she moved toward the fight, whenever she tried to intervene.



She pounded impotently against the wall, watching as he nicked her shoulder with his sword.



She yelled out encouragement as she pushed him back from her and threw him on the ground with a shake of her head.



And she felt her heart skip a beat when he got back up from the ground and managed to ram that sword into the blonde’s side. Then Tara fell and Willow felt as if her world was taken away again. For the seconds, it must have just been seconds, that the blonde lay on the ground unmoving, Willow felt the darkness of an oncoming oblivion. Then somehow, Tara managed to say something - an incantation under her breath that forced the sword from Animus’s hand. The sword turned around and rammed itself into his body, into his heart. Then he too lay on the floor.



Willow heard him struggle for breath, heard him try to do…something, then, silence. She knew it was over; she knew Tara won when the wall disappeared and Willow was able to go to her love.







Now Willow waits: for Buffy to get here with backup and for Tara to wake up.



“Willow?”



She turns, sees Buffy at the entrance of the cave and sighs with relief.



Buffy looks around, surveys her surroundings. She looks at Animus’s body and knows he’s dead. Tara did it, she thinks. Then, oh god, Tara did it.



Buffy steps forward, “Is she?”



“She doesn’t know yet, she still hasn’t woken up.”



Buffy kneels down on the other side of Tara. “Do we need to get her to a hospital?”



Willow nods.



Buffy moves as if to pick her up when Tara stirs.



“Willow?” she says, her eyes remaining closed.



Willow moves closer, grasping the blonde’s hand in her own. “Yes baby?”



“I…” she stops, moistens her lips, tries again. “Did…is he dead?”



Willow stops, looks up at Buffy helplessly, Buffy shrugs, not knowing what to say.



“Will?” Tara asks again.



Willow sighs, “Yes, he’s dead.”



Tara nods slightly, pain etched on her face, then slips back into unconsciousness.







“Okay, so Tara is back, but in order to stay back she has to kill the guy that helped her come back?” Xander asks the members of the room.



The gang is sitting around the living room, waiting for Willow to come back from tending to Tara upstairs. Buffy and Willow had gone to the hospital, and after treatment and Willow’s insistence that Tara be allowed to rest in her own bed, they now sit, trying to figure out exactly what had happened in the last few days.



Buffy ventures an answer. “Yes.”



“But why?”



“From what Willow told me, this…guy was a friend of Tara’s from, um, well, up there. Tara’s memories were gone so all she knew was …that place.”



“Buffy…” Dawn interrupts, “are you okay with talking about this?” She knows how painful the subject is for Buffy.



Buffy looks up, looks at Dawn, and manages a smile. “It’s okay.” She replies. She looks back at Xander and continues, “Then somehow she started remembering, started getting flashes of her life. She remembered Willow, and Tara, being Tara, knew that she had to get back to her.”



“That’s so romantic,” Dawn says, a wistful smile on her face.



“Anyway, Tara goes to her friend, tells him what she remembers. He tries to tell her to forget it, but Tara, being the insistent little beaver she is, keeps pushing him. Finally, he agrees to try to help.”



“And this is the same guy that she ki…” Xander begins to say.



“Let me finish,” Buffy insists. Xander nods.



“So he tells her about this guy way back like a hundred or more years ago that found this door that let’s you go back.”



“Okay, this is the part I’m having a problem with.” Xander interrupts again. “Cause, like the person is still dead right? So how can they come back?”



Buffy sighs. “Yeah, I had a problem with this too. The way Willow explains it, there is some sort of loophole thing that allows for people to have second chances if they were, you know, killed before their time.”



“So Tara wasn’t supposed to die?”



“No,” Buffy pauses, “I was.”



“What?!” Dawn says.



“See, the thing is, I shouldn’t have been here at all, seeing as how I died before…”



“Glory.” Dawn whispers.



Buffy nods. “But since I was um, brought back, it sort of screwed up things. So the universe tried to make it right by um, with the Warren thing. Only, they got it wrong again and instead of me just getting shot, Tara was.”



“And that wasn’t supposed to happen,” Dawn says, trying to put the pieces together.



“Right, and since it did, Tara died, causing Willow to go all scary-veiny, but kinda still saving me.”



“So, she died when it should have been you?” Xander asks.



“That’s about it, and so, she was part of the loophole thingy. The only thing is they don’t go around telling people they messed up, so Tara didn’t know about this. Um, this guy- Animus, he told her.”



“But there were consequences right?” Dawn asks.



Buffy nods. “Um, like I said, they don’t like it when um, people realize they messed up, but they still have to offer them a way out. So, they have a loopholey thing, but don’t announce it, but if someone figures it out, which is like hardly ever, then they get to go back again, living their life until it is it the real time they were supposed to um, die.”



“Okay, so then why was the guy chasing her?”



“Well, he’s an angel, and he works for them. And they found out she took the loophole and they also found out that he told her about the loophole so….paybacky time.”



“Huh?” Xander says, confused.



“They got mad that he told her, since she was supposed to figure it out by herself, and they figured that was justification enough to try to get her back, so they sent Animus to try. If he succeeded, well then, she was back and no more loopholey thing, and if he failed, well then, at least Animus got punished.”



“Well, that sucks.” Dawn says.



“Pretty much.”



“So the guy who helped her got sent to kill her and Tara had to kill him?” Xander says as he tries to clarify the situation in his head.



“Again, pretty much.”



“How is Tara going to deal with killing her friend?” Dawn ventures.



Buffy looks up at them. They look at her expecting an answer. “I don’t know.”

[justin]

That was a great update.



All through Buffy's explanation I was wondering who this they she kept referring to was. The powers that be? Whoever they are Buffy needs to find them and kick their arses



It's a great pity that Tara had to kill the person that helped her. She'll probably be upset by that Hopefully Willow will be able to comfort her.

Anya in a wimple...I'd pay full admission for that. Gods Served And Abandoned - by Antigone Unbound

[shuyaku]

Wow, that could have been a lot angstier, but thank you for not making it so!! On the one hand, I'm all yay! cuz Tara won and is alive and gets to stay and be with Willow and... well, you get the idea. Of course, on the other hand - we all know Tara is a kind and gentle soul and I'm sure it pains her deeply to have had to win by killing



Great update!

-shuyaku

------------------------------------

"Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)

[warriorlove]

LOVED THAT STORY...One of the best I've read in here...

Edited by: BytrSuite at: 12/8/03 10:15 am