Gods Served and Abandoned

[darkmagicwillow]

The replicants of Bladerunner are an excellent subject to compare with the creations of Beverly and Dawn. Quite insightful. Total Recall is another relevant comparison, though I'd recommend reading the original story (whose name I can't recall as I read the 5-volume Phillip K Dick short story collection in a couple weeks) rather than watching the movie. I have an easier time emotionally accepting and identifying with the replicants because they don't have such an impact on the rest of the world. And of course, there's always the question of whether Deckard himself is a replicant.



JustSkipIt asks:

Ok, except that wasn’t Tanya really alone for 4.75 years of that 5 years together?

It could be worse. What if Tanya was in a relationship before Beverly's creation and the monks rearranged reality to make her available?

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[SlayerSydney]

*Tap tap tap.....Ahem...cough cough....may I have your attention please......I have caught up with all parts from 28 and beyond....heavy sigh*



So, uh, yeah....I strayed again from this fabulous fic. I don't know what my problem is. I love your writing style, I love this story....and yet, I continually fade in and out. *grrrr* This only causes me to do massive catch-up reads in one sitting. *squints at the wavy computer screen....thinks "I must be catching trails from those damn drugs I did in college."* Anyhoo....I suppose it was a good thing in a way. Cuz' those cliff hangers would have sent me into a feedback tirade.



So, I started keeping thoughts in notepad about things that grabbed me in each update. Now, as I look at my notes, they're ridiculous. I must have selected everything I thought was funny. Needless to say, that's a lot cuz' I was way behind. Anyway, I won't bore you with your own words. But I will say this, your comic relief continues to crack my stuff up. I love how you even poke fun at yourself.....

Quote:

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"‘Antigone’?" Dawn scoffed. "Pretentious much?"

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And, it is with that quote that I believe you must enjoy kittens who give feedback with quotes.

Quote:

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Oh, we’re definitely with the bat-shit," Willow replied enthusiastically. "If it’s the fecal output of a nocturnal flying mammal, we’re all about it."



I live in a universe most people only dream of.

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Once again, LMFAO. And PITA and Our Lady of Clairol.....hahahahhahaha



I enjoyed Tara's thoughts throughout the updates about her relationship with Willow. How she finds herself babbling and thinking like Willow would. It's just another example that makes their relationship so real, being in a relationship and picking up some qualities of you lover.

Quote:

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Oh my God—she’s not just related to me, she’s related to Willow, too. And that makes Willow and me related. And I need to stop thinking about this.

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Quote:

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"Sort of…It’s just—it’s hard to get into over the phone, but I have to because you’re in Dallas and I’m in California and thank heavens telephones even exist and so I’m trying to figure out where to start."



I have become my lover.

---

I tend to always comment on you use of humor. I also enjoy your angst and seriousness. The letter from Tara's father was profound. The fact that he even acknowledges she came out to him and relating it to the fact that all the men in her life were losers and he believes that she can be easily fixed with a good man. *run-on much* It's an interesting aspect that I'm sure other lesbians have dealt with. I know I have. I got that response from several people in my family after I came out.

Tara's conflicting feelings about Aunt Bev after she 'comes out' to her and Willow. That feeling of once again having everything in your life turned upside down and wondering 'will it ever end'? These moments and many others keep me entranced to your words, which is why (I suspect) I always find my way back to your fic.



All that just to say: Hey--I caught up with your fic and I love it. And, I am going to make an effort to not fall so behind again.



*Tap tap tap .....Thank you for your undivided attention*

[AntigoneUnbound]

Washi: Bienvenu! Hope you're enjoying Tunis, and conversely. Take care, and thanks for dropping by from across the miles. (I know--I'm not supposed to say "thanks," but it just slipped out, OK?)



Debra: Alas, my friend, the big ol' party is not a commitment ceremony. We love each other, but we both have more than our share of commitment issues. Sure wouldn't mind the gifts, though...



So--do the monks have some kind of homophobic agenda going on? My perspective is that they know we don't crack under pressure! Who better to withstand the antipathy and danger of a seemingly relentless force clad in tight dresses and high heels? Imagine it:



First hooded monk: "The Key and its Protectors must have the strength to defy a god."



Second hooded monk: "Good point. Make 'em dykes."



I absolutely agree w/ your point about being where we're supposed to be. The movie "Sliding Doors" was a great example of that, I think. And maybe I hold onto that belief b/c my unconscious knows that if I let myself obsess too much about all the other realities that could have been, I'll slip into despair or paralysis. But this is where they are, so why not assume that there's a purpose for that fact?



I'm right there w/ you about the arrogance of the monks. I think that one of the most compelling features of polytheism, or any belief system that holds that more than one deity/being has the power to influence our lives, is the possibility for competing agendas. God (no pun intended), look at Greek mythology--Zeus is trying to get busy w/ one mortal youth or another, and Hera is not about to countenance that, so she turns said youth into a heifer (or a xylophone, or a really nice Waldorf salad). And that's just w/in the same deism! Here we have the monks, charged (by whom? now there's a question!) w/ safeguarding the Key, so they take the liberty of affecting/dictating the life events of literally untold numbers of people, "simply" by creating several beings complete w/ memories and identities. Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice, some other deity may have decided that Tanya's soul mate was Judy, the brunette in Accounts Receivable. Who/what determines who wins? Do they trade off, take turns?



All this by way of saying that I love the questions you ask and I completely agree w/ you: everything we do ripples through time and through persons both beloved and unknown--and the monks assumed the prerogative of both divine knowledge and divine right...presumptuous little bastards...



Thanks for the great commentary, Debra--I love how you can make me think!



Dark Magic Willow: Hey, I'm always looking for good reading suggestions. I confess that I've largely avoided fantasy/science fiction writing b/c I can find them to be impersonal, or so heavily technological/mechanistic that I just flat-out don't understand them. (And this would explain why I'm a therapist, and not a computer programmer!) I've heard such consistently great things about Philip Dick, however, that I think I need to give him a shot. Yes, it's true: this confirmed dyke, a big "6" on the Kinsey scale, is going to check out Dick. That crashing noise you hear is the sound of all my ex-lovers falling off of their chairs. Thanks, DMW, for the lit tips and your usual thought-provoking feedback.



SlayerSydney: Well, if you're not going to devote yourself absolutely to staying completely abreast (insert juvenile laugh here) of this story, to the exclusion of anything or anyone else, I'll simply have to give an indignant, wounded huff and stalk off with ill-advised narcissism...Oh, Slayer--I often find myself missing updates of various fics that I just love, and then I put off reading them a little more b/c I know I'll have a lot to say and I may not have the time or energy to write it all just then...I'm just glad you're enjoying this, both the humor and the heavy stuff. Yeah, I just had to poke fun at myself for the "Antigone" name--I still feel kinda grandiose for that...And I definitely got a few "Don't give up on men" lectures from people who truly wanted me to be happy but just couldn't undertand that that happiness could come from a woman. So welcome back, enjoy this at your own pace and leisure, and thanks for the great feedback!



That's all for now--

Mary

Edited by: AntigoneUnbound at: 7/15/03 6:51 pm

[shuyaku]

Sorry for the complete lateness of my reply - it only took a week for the maroons (think Bugs Bunny) at DLink to replace my internet router . But all better now.



I was kinda wondering after my last reply - hmmm, Mary skipped over almost all of my time-consuming, thought out supposition... huh? But then I read the next update and now I know why! Because I was right. RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT! Mwuhahaha (insert slightly nazily, evil laughter punctuated by equally nazily snorts )



But just so you know (lest you think it a regular occurance) I have undoubtedly used up any and all insightful, meaningful, useful and any other appropriate 'ful feedback I may have had. Just fair warning so in the future you won't be too put off when all you get is: Wow. Mary. Good. Write.



Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to read everybody elses feedback, but something in Grimmy's caught my attention. I couldn't agree less (sorry Grimmy ). If anything, I love Aunt Bev more. This is not a choice she made. And she has made some very brave choices since she found out. Did she have to say anything to Tanya? Heck no, she didn't. She did so knowing that one of the most important, perfect things in her life could crumble into oblivion if she told. But she told anyway - that says a lot to me.



I do agree that the monks are I won't even go into the 'how many lives they have #$%ed up.' Suffice it to say that I agree with Debra on that.



This was such an heart wrenching update. I completely understand Tara's hurt and anger, but I am so glad of her conclusion at the end. It pained me to read (see) Aunt Bev's reaction/action to Tara's words/tone. Aunt Bev has come across as this incredibly strong woman throughout the story. Her breakdown seemed so utterly complete - which I think it had to be in order for Tara to break through her emotional barrier.



Fantastic update! Thank you for sharing all this with all of us

-shuyaku

[Grimlock72]

Arrogance, yes thats the word I was looking for... thanks Debra



The monks are definitly the bad guys here. On the other hand, if I had it my way the Key would have been destroyed or at the very least not been given human form. (I'll bet I was a knight in a previous life, heh)



I suppose I'll deal with Bev the same way I deal with Dawn. Once I just ignore the entire Key/generated-person crap all is well in my world. It's when I'm reminded of how Dawn came to be I get annoyed at indeed the arrogance of such an operation. I don't like my reality altered just like that :-)



Now why didn't Bev know about Julia sleeping around ? Nathan knew so I would expect the monks to get some info from him at least.



Here's an interesting question; does it matter if memories are tampered with provided the same tampering is done to ALL people ? Several things will change of course, but what if all the memories are adapted to that ? Even if you *know* something was changed you'll eventually have to accept it or go looney..



I don't see Aunty Bev as the Big Evil, I just don't see much reason to trust her (victim => trustworthy doesn't work for me since I view Tara as more of a victim here). Esp. given the fact Bev was created by those idiot monks with the same idiot goal. I did actually initially trust Bev, as did Tara... seems Tara trusts people more easily than I do once they've betrayed my trust. That might be wise, or mistaken (for) compassion... we'll see.



I'm not so sure Tanya would have left Bev at all. Tanya had those horribly convenient *cough*dreams*cough* remember ? After which she decided to stay anyway. Oh yeah, I'm all with the distrusting there.. for sure. Heck, Willow's memory-spell in season6 pales in comparision to the Bev/Tanya relationship, now THAT was some memory rewriting. Yet I don't hear much scoobies complaining about what the monks did, it's hardly ever brought up again.



It's funny how people view Aunt Bev as clearly more mature compared to Dawn. They're fairly close in real age though, both being only couple of months old and all :-) Comparing the two Dawn should be wiser even, now there's a scary thought.



Ah well, enough of my ranting.



PS: I still want those monks to be thrown under the nearest subway train. No need for Bev to die/destroy/stop-existing.



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-



Two lines from this latest update just made me stop and think.



"I remember all of that, Tara, and don’t you dare try to take it away from me. Because I don’t know how much of a future I have, but no one gets to take away my past. I remember all of that; I remember it, and it keeps me sane to know that people like Julia and Tanya can love me."



Memory and who loves us making us who we are, who we allow ourselves to be. I just have to say there's so much there in those lines that's been touched on by much more articulate Kittens. Just let me add a "wow" and a "bravo".



This is my family. Am I really anything but blessed?



I think that there is a strength at Tara's core that allows her to accept things that would bend or break others. I also think she knows it on some level and that may be why she fears losing control of her mind. In a very real way she would lose the ability to 'know' her family.



Just rambling in the presence of wonderfullness.





Jixer

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello, all. Following these replies, I'll be posting the first part of Chapter 37. As I've mentioned before, I don't have a computer at home; moreover, I only got into my office at 9 tonight. So here you have the first part of an extended chapter, the conclusion of which will be posted on Monday night. (I'm out of town for the weekend.) Thanks again for reading, folks~~you're so fine my fingers are glowing as I write this.



Shuyaku: God, I hope you didn't feel short-changed in my earlier response. I was definitely being Reticence Girl because you had totally nailed it!



Maroons, nin-cow-poops, and gulli-bulls...Oh yeah, I love the Bugs...Glad to have you back! Take a little look at my opening comment in the following update--I suspect you'll have considerable empathy.



You know, I have a very soft spot for Aunt Bev as well...as I'm sure you can tell. I totally agree w/ your points about her lack of choice in her destiny, and the courage it took for her to (a) accept this responsibility that she didn't ask for (vs. trying to flee it); and (b) giving her partner this new truth, knowing that it might cost her the person she holds most dear. I'm really intrigued by the idea of people being selected--by Fate, by circumstance--to do some great or momentous thing, without their having tried to secure that selection. Does that make sense?



And the monks...Yeah, they definitely have the arrogance going on...But I think they also believed that they were doing the right thing: tampering w/ many lives in order to save so many more lives. Who knows what any of us would do?



Thanks for the great feedback, Shuyaku, and just for the record, I don't for one instant believe that you've exhausted your supply of depth and insight!



Grimmy: Ah, the wheels are turning, aren't they? You raise an interesting question: does the tampering matter if all memories were comparably tampered? I think that calls up the distinction between the functional outcome of an act versus the philosophical or moral aspect of having undertaken any act (affecting other people) at all.



So what's your distrust of Tanya's--as you put it--terrribly convenient dreams (coughs inserted as applicable)? Do you think they never happened?



Once again, you and I differ in what we consider real. You believe that Beverly and Dawn are actually about the same age; I think that they're several years apart. If someone proved to you that you had actually come into being only six months ago, would you dismiss everything you knew about yourself and consider yourself an infant? I sure wouldn't.



Oh, reality...always a nebulous concept. That's why I don't visit it very often--I find it too constraining.



Thanks, Grimmy, and have a great weekend!



Jixer: Yes, you and I have a very similar "take" on Beverly and, by extension, what makes us real; what makes us human. As Shuyaku mentioned above, Beverly's broken-hearted defiance at the end of the chapter speaks to that very thing, I think. She loves, and is loved. She knows, better than anyone else, that her "work" doesn't offer much in the way of retirement planning. So yes, she faces what she has to do and also holds onto what she knows to be utterly true about her life and the people in it.



I really like your premise about Tara's emotional core and her knowledge of it. I'm especially struck by how that knowledge would heighten her terror of losing her mind. That's a very sharp observation, Jixer--makes me think.



Thanks for the great feedback, Jixer--it always piques my interest and stirs my own thinking.



OK--37a on the way.

Mary

[AntigoneUnbound]

Gods Served and Abandoned

Disclaimers: My net worth is about $27.63, and that’s including the vegetables in my garden, so you can bet I don’t own these characters. The sole exception is Beverly, who keeps saying she’s going to send me a little something for bringing her to life but has yet to do so.
Spoilers: Up to season 5. I’ve played slightly with the timing of a certain Big Bad’s appearance, with some implications for Dawn’s entrance.
Rating: R for now; if it changes, I’ll give heads-up.
Distribution: Sure, with acknowledgement.
Feedback: Rocks my world!

*****
Part 37a
*****

"OK, let me get this straight—there’s a whole gang of you, and you call yourselves the Scoobies?"

"Right," Tara confirmed.

"And in addition to you two, this little power circle is comprised of the Slayer; the Slayer’s Watcher, who blew up his former place of employment; the Key, who was delivered in the form of the Slayer’s sister; an ex-vengeance demon who’s been around since Charlemagne; and the ex-demon’s boyfriend, whose primary claim to fame would seem to be his show-stopping rendition of the Snoopy dance."

"That pretty much covers it," Willow nodded.

"God, and I thought my life was unique." Beverly paused, shaking her head. "Somebody really oughta make a movie out of this, or at the very least, a mini-series starring Patty Duke."

"No way," Tara objected. "Once Hollywood gets its grubby hands on it, all semblance of integrity goes out the window."

The three of them were on their way to Giles’ place, for what Willow anticipated would be a truly memorable encounter. She was exhausted, having been up with Tara for hours after Beverly had left to go back to her hotel room. Her beloved had finally eased into a kind of philosophical acceptance of Beverly’s origins.

"In all the ways that matter, Sweetie, she is my aunt. She didn’t have any choice in this; the monks didn’t exactly invite her to a working lunch and get her input on the subject."

"I know, Baby, but you’ve been through so much." Willow’s heart had done that tight, squeezing thing it always did when she thought about everything that Tara had faced and survived.

"So? I’m starting to think life isn’t fair. And I don’t mean that in the cynical, ‘I was robbed!' way," she added. "I mean…maybe ‘fair’ isn’t really part of the deal. Life isn’t out to get you; it isn’t out to save you. Life just is, and all the adverbs get tacked on in retrospect, after the show’s over."

"Wow. OK, well, that’s…uplifting." Willow was thrown by Tara’s thesis.

"I’m not trying to be a downer, Will—I just don’t want to get all wrapped up in keeping a running tally of my hardships." She was quiet for a moment, and then Willow felt Tara’s soft fingers tracing over her face. "But if anything happened to you…If I ever l-lost you…" This last was said in almost a whisper. Tara let her fingertips rest against Willow’s lips. "Maybe I am keeping score, Willow, it’s just that every painful piece feels balanced out by you. As long as I get to fall asleep next to you; wake up next to you; touch you and kiss you and make love to you—as long as I have you, everything else is bearable."

Willow had difficulty answering around the tightness in her throat. "I know what you mean," she managed hoarsely. They lay quietly for several minutes, the only sound their own breathing and the faint footsteps of other students in the hallway.

Bet none of them had the kind of night we did.

She looked at Tara, so close to her…her blond hair seemed to shimmer in the moonlight that fell hauntingly across the room. Tara’s lips were slightly parted; Willow could just barely see her dark blue eyes as they caught tiny flecks of the moon’s grace.

"Baby?" she asked tentatively.

"Yeah?" came the soft answer.

"Are you tired?"

Tara was quiet for a few moments, but Willow could see her lips curving into a smile. "Why Ms. Rosenberg—are you suggesting that we indulge in certain delights of the flesh? That we embrace each other and exchange the sweetest of kisses, the most exquisite of caresses?"

"God yes," Willow breathed. "And if you’re not in the mood or just completely wiped out, I totally—"

"Understand." That’s the word she would have said, and she would have meant it. As it turns out, though, she didn’t need to.

So yes, she was very, very tired today; so tired that she had almost dozed off in her chemistry class.

Funny how my idea of living on the edge has changed…

They had decided to hold a summit meeting of sorts with the rest of the gang; Willow had arranged it by phone that morning.

Giles had been conspicuously unenthusiastic at first. "You should meet Tara’s aunt," was all Willow had initially said, not wanting to broadcast such a singular revelation via Ma Bell.

"Willow, I’m sure she’s a lovely woman, and while I would ordinarily be delighted to meet a pleasant member of the Maclay family, this really isn’t a good time." Willow could hear him shuffling papers in the background.

"But Giles, I really think you need to meet this woman," Willow persisted. "She definitely has some fascinating stories to tell. I think you two would really hit it off."

She could hear his impatient sigh across the line. "Willow, I don’t wish to be rude, but I’m really not in the mood to spend an awkward evening trying to make conversation with a total stranger, no matter how charming she is."

In Willow’s brain, untold synapses fired simultaneously, fixing upon a single target. "Oh my God, Giles," she practically squealed. "You think we’re trying to fix you up? OK, having issues now."

"Well, I—I mean, you seemed so…determined for me to meet her," the former librarian spluttered. "I thought that perhaps—well, perhaps that you envisioned a certain compatibility arising between the two of us…" Here he trailed off somewhat incoherently.

"OK, first of all, this isn’t a Disney plot to get our lonely mother and father together; second of all, I’m talking about having the whole gang meet her; and finally, Tanya, her partner of five years, would have some serious reservations about the whole thing."

"Ah, well…So then, I’ll see you at eight?" Willow had hung up the phone with amusement; Giles, she suspected, with relief.

"Well, Buffy should be relieved," Beverly was now saying.

Willow and Tara looked quickly at each other, and then away. Beverly, in turn, looked at them, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"OK, I’ve been a teacher for way too many years—or so I’ve believed—not to recognize a meaningful glance. What’s up?"

"Um, well, that’s sort of hard to put into words. I mean, it’s kind of complex, you know…" Tara seemed to be weighing all explanations carefully; probably, Willow realized, because she didn’t want to offend Buffy’s best friend.

"What’s Tara tactfully not saying is that Buffy has a few…issues around her role as the Slayer, especially when it comes to Dawn." She paused, trying to articulate her thoughts.

"OK, so…" Beverly interjected with an air of perplexity. "It’s good to be in touch with your feelings; hopefully she’s making progress on those issues; Dr. Phil will be so pleased." She shook her head impatiently. "What exactly are you saying, Willow?"

"See, the thing is, Buffy’s sort of a Lone Ranger type; or at least, she can be," Willow began.

"Girlfriend has a lot of place settings for a Lone Ranger type," Beverly commented dryly. "Five confidantes who know all about her gig, plus the sister."

"Well, yeah," Willow acknowledged, "but when she feels threatened—or when somebody she loves is threatened—she sort of takes the world onto her shoulders. Which makes sense, given how many times she’s saved the world. I think she just feels really alone much of the time, even though she knows we’d all do anything for her."

"Because she feels different—like she has this job to do that sets her apart," Beverly said quietly.

Willow just nodded, watching as Tara slid an arm around her aunt.

"But at least I know that there are others out there like me; I mean, people who have the same purpose," Beverly continued. "Buffy…She really is the only Slayer."

"And she’s known that for over four years," Tara added. "I think she’s always afraid that if she lets herself believe she doesn’t have to feel so alone, it’ll come back to hurt her."

"I get that," Beverly nodded. "Although I have to say, I tell Tanya every last thing that I’m scared about, and half the time she knows what it is before I do."

"Buffy’s just not that open," Willow shrugged. "At least not instinctually. I think her first impulse is always to keep stuff to herself and try to deal with it alone. And now that Dawn’s at stake, and her mom’s dead, Buffy feels even more responsible…because she is."

"OK," Beverly replied slowly. "So I make sure that Buffy doesn’t feel like I’m trying to trump the sister act, or eclipse her in some way. Won’t she ultimately be glad to know that she has some help?"

"Yeah, I think she will," Tara concurred. "I just…Well, I’m glad you understand why she might be a little guarded at first."

"Oh please," Beverly said, rolling her eyes. "Tanya’s mom always has to feel that her Christmas gifts are the very best ones—not just for Tanya; for all of us. If I can be sensitive to a hyper-touchy, always-this-close-to-full-blown-petulance mother from Tempe, I can be understanding to someone who battles evil every day."

"‘Sensitive’?" Tara asked with a wry grin.

"At least to the old girl's face," her aunt replied, squeezing Tara’s arm.

They had arrived at Giles’ door.

"Ready for one of the more surreal evenings in your ancient young life?" Willow asked. At that moment, the door swung open and a pair of bright, inquisitive eyes peered out at them.

"So you’re Tara’s Aunt Beverly. Giles said you have sex with women, too."

Beverly pulled back just a fraction, and then grinned. "You must be Anya."

*****

Part 37b to be posted Monday night.

*****




Edited by: [url=http://pub106.ezboard.com/bthekittenthewitchesandthebadwardrobe36671.showUserPublicProfile?gAntigoneUnbound[/url] at: 7/18/03 2:43 pm

[justin]

That was brilliant.



When Willow was talking to Giles I was trying to work out why he was being so reticent. Of course I should have known he'd think they were trying to fix him up.



And the last lines

Quote:

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"So you’re Tara’s Aunt Beverly. Giles said you have sex with women, too."



Beverly pulled back just a fraction, and then grinned. "You must be Anya."

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There's been some discussion about the monks motives and why they didn't just destroy the key. The way I look at it the monks thought that it was there sacred duty to protect the key and you don't really protect something by destroying it.



Also as to the morality of affecting so many people, I guess they would justify that by saying that they were on a mission from god and that that outweighs any other consideration.





So I've got one question. Is it monday yet?

I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am

[chilled monkey]

I really like the digs you keep getting in at M.E. That is hilarious



I also liked Tara telling Willow that no matter what happens to her, it doesn't matter as long as she has Willow.

[russ]

Hi Mary. I'm back just as you're leaving for the weekend. Lots of interesting discussion this week.



I was glad to see in your reply to Shuyaku you brought up the point that the monks believed they were doing what is necessary to save the world. There's been lots of criticism of their presumption in messing with people's lives and memories, but I'm sure they would see it as unavoidable "collateral damage."



Likewise the idea of destroying the Key; Justin makes the point that you don't save something by destroying it. Besides, if they had simply destroyed it, where would this story be?



On to chapter 37a. So Bev thinks the Scooby situation is even weirder than her own. I get the impression that Willow & Tara could perhaps have presented things in a somewhat better light.



Tara gets the great lines in this part: "Once Hollywood gets its grubby hands on it, all semblance of integrity goes out the window." Yup.



And then the one that got me a little misty-eyed.

"I’m not trying to be a downer, Will—I just don’t want to get all wrapped up in keeping a running tally of my hardships." She was quiet for a moment, and then Willow felt Tara’s soft fingers tracing over her face. "But if anything happened to you…If I ever l-lost you…" This last was said in almost a whisper. Tara let her fingertips rest against Willow’s lips. "Maybe I am keeping score, Willow, it’s just that every painful piece feels balanced out by you. As long as I get to fall asleep next to you; wake up next to you; touch you and kiss you and make love to you—as long as I have you, everything else is bearable."

That says it all.



Poor Giles, his kids give him so much trouble. While humorous, his misunderstanding also reminds me that he is still seriously grieving Joyce, and definitely doesn't want to be "fixed up" with someone.



I'm glad W/T are warning Bev about Buffy's "issues around her role as the Slayer." Willow explains the characteristics of Buffy that have always been most irritating, and does it with sympathy and understanding.



And of course they meet Anya first, just to get the evening started right.



Looking forward to 37b, and the surreal evening.



Russ

[JustSkipIt]

Hey Mary,



Thanks for the half-update. Have a great weekend. This part in particular struck me:

Quote:

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"I’m not trying to be a downer, Will—I just don’t want to get all wrapped up in keeping a running tally of my hardships." She was quiet for a moment, and then Willow felt Tara’s soft fingers tracing over her face. "But if anything happened to you…If I ever l-lost you…" This last was said in almost a whisper. Tara let her fingertips rest against Willow’s lips. "Maybe I am keeping score, Willow, it’s just that every painful piece feels balanced out by you. As long as I get to fall asleep next to you; wake up next to you; touch you and kiss you and make love to you—as long as I have you, everything else is bearable."

---

So beautiful and touching. At the same time, anytime someone in the Buffyverse says something like "as long as I have you" or "nothing can go wrong now..." all Heck breaks loose so now I'm scared about that.



Nonetheless, the usual wonderful cadence and dialog and Anya's greeting: classic! Wonderful and thanks for the update. Debra

---

"Seek the company of those who are still seeking the truth and run away from those who think they have found it.--J.T. O'Hara

[darkmagicwillow]

---

"And in addition to you two, this little power circle is comprised of the Slayer; the Slayer’s Watcher, who blew up his former place of employment; the Key, who was delivered in the form of the Slayer’s sister; an ex-vengeance demon who’s been around since Charlemagne; and the ex-demon’s boyfriend, whose primary claim to fame would seem to be his show-stopping rendition of the Snoopy dance."

---

But...but it sounds so absurd when you put it that way. (-;

---

as long as I have you, everything else is bearable.

---

I must confess to having the same reaction of JSI when I read this line...something terrible is about to happen, especially now that Glory knows about Bev.



Grimmy wrote:

---

Heck, Willow's memory-spell in season6 pales in comparision to the Bev/Tanya relationship, now THAT was some memory rewriting.

---

This is one of the reasons why I don't see Willow's forget spell as being as terrible as some see it. There have been so many mind-altering enchantments in the series, and many times no one seems upset about them for long if at all. What about Tara's spell in Family? And of course, what about the huge alterations caused by the monks' insertion of Dawn in this story? I have problems with all of them, so it annoys me to see them largely ignored except when Willow is responsible.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[Grimlock72]

DMW; well at least Tara and Willows' love for each other isn't based on magicly created memories. It's obvious why Tara's and Willow's spell/after-effects were portrayed differently after seeing season-6 of course. (heck, _Familly_ wasn't to bad of a way out of the Tara-as-woodsprite initial story.. look at the fun we're still having speaking evil about Donnie and all :-)



Aaaanyway... about the latest update; "Buffy.She really is the only Slayer.".... speaking of Faith, she's still in prison I assume ?? It's not that Buffy is alone because she HAS to be, it's self-enforced. You can't feel sorry for isolation you put yourself in.



The last lines were very fun and sooooo obvious Anya indeed :-)



As to my distrust of Tanya dreams; it's not that I don't believe she HAD those dreams. I'm just very curious (to put it kindly) were those dreams come from, who caused/what triggered them. The monks put Bev and Tanya together for years (at least in their memories), causing some dreams to keep them together would be a minor transgression compared. I can sort of get over the fact that the memories to Bev on a social level were inserted into people, but the entire Tanya/Bev relation also being based on such irks me (more intimate memories, even worse if those are violated).



It's a good thing that Tara feels having Willow is enough to get her through all of this mess. Would be a good thing if she had several people to support her like that, Bev was a good candidate for that but noooo... grmbl. No matter how much I (could) sympathize with her I doubt I'll trust her anytime soon. There's also this possible conflict of interest between protecting The Key (God knows why and he ain't telling so that doesn't count) and well... the rest of Sunnydale, scoobs included.



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 7/18/03 7:34 am

[Grimaldi]

great update



Giles thinking Willow was trying to set him up with Tara's Aunt was too funny and i loved the way Anya greeted her

I'm not stealing, I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
Oh, relax, Casper, I'm not here to interrupt your blissing. Too much makes you go blind, though, you know

[Puff]

Perfect *happy sigh* I just love this line

Quote:

---

As long as I get to fall asleep next to you; wake up next to you; touch you and kiss you and make love to you—as long as I have you, everything else is bearable.

---

That is just a wonderful summary of what Tara feels for Willow, how Willow balances out Tara's world.



So Mary you are away all weekend? Well I may well miss the next update due to the nature of getting married on Saturday and being on honeymoon next week. I will catch up with this wonderful fic though as soon as I am able, and I shall be looking forward to how the scoobies take Bev's revelation. I loved Beverly's reaction to Anya and something tells me she will fit in just fine with the rest of the group.



Thnaks for this update, it was wonderful.

---

So, the day started and I knew my name and had my pants on. So far, so good. Yay.
Amber Benson

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-



When Willow recognized Tara's reluctance to speak about Buffy's problems and took it on herself to describe to Bev, both as family member and new defender, what she was facing I am yet again reminded of how much better your Scoobies are than ME's. Then there's Anya being perfectly Anya-like, the very nut sprinkles on the banana split that is the Scoobies.



The matchmaking ideas I've had I'll keep to myself until I have a nice nap and few dried frog pills.



Jixer

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello all. I'm literally on my way out of town; stopped in at my office for a few minutes to check my e-mail and see about feedback to this story. As ever, I'm just fascinated by the myriad ideas and observations that you folks make. God, I love the exchanges on this board!



Speaking of LOVE~~~Let's give it up for Puff, who's getting married! I'm so psyched for you, Oh Great Wimpled One on High! (Does this mean you're leaving the convent?) Have a great time on your honeymoon, and congratulations. May you, your beloved, and your horses have only the very best in front of you!



I'll give detailed feedback when I get back, b/c there are such great ideas here and I want to give them the time they deserve. In the interim, I'll say thanks to all of you. You make writing here a simply wonderful experience.



Mary

[darkmagicwillow]

Puff, congratulations on getting married and best wishes for your honeymoon.



darkest willow, I love your compassionate thoughts on Giles' plight. Even moreso than Buffy, he's always been the person who had be strong on the outside while being stuck alone. While of course he does have friendships with the Scoobies, it's not the same as having someone of his own age and without Joyce, he doesn't have anyone of his own age to talk with. And the one person who shares his inclinations to books and learning--Willow--has been pulled away from him by magic, a subject he'd prefer to avoid pursuing closely because of his youthful experiences, and also Tara.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[TemperedCynic]

Mary wrote in her stentorious manner:

Quote:

---

In Willow’s brain, untold synapses fired simultaneously, fixing upon a single target. "Oh my God, Giles," she practically squealed. "You think we’re trying to fix you up? OK, having issues now."

---

I am so seeing Aly nailing these lines, in the virtual Buffyworld that's in my head. Anyhoo...



I am definitely looking forward to the Scooby meeting. I'm sure Aunt Bev is ambivalent - Anya set the tone right out of the door. I'm interested to see if you compare notes with Bev and Dawn - let's see: two people who are big balls of energy that have huge crushes on girls. Might be fun just to see Willow squirm a little, I mean she was direct with Bev about Dawn's crush, enough for Tara to blush. Could be fun... Also, knowing your fine sensibility with everything Scooby, I expect nothing less than humor, pathos and utter chaos.

Sounds like a party to me.

---

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen (1935 - )

[The Rose24]

AU,



This is the sweetest update ever. Everyone beat me to commenting on the speech by Tara, so I will just agree that it is Tara's life story. I was moved by it. It shows all of Tara's inner strength, and I only wish I could be that strong.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[Patches]

Hey Mary.



Well, in trying to get you feedback on Part 35, I see you’ve already posted 36 (and now 37A). Good gracious, I can’t even get a few measly words on a page for feedback, and here you’ve cranked out three (scratch that three and make it four) chapters! I figure, since the cat’s out of the proverbial bag about Aunt Bev, most of my comments on chapter 34 are pretty much dust in the wind. Once again, you’ll have to forgive my lassitude. In addition to working my ass off (literally and figuratively), I’m trying to figure out how to plan a wedding. In the world of “I never expected this to happen in my lifetime,” all of a sudden my dream of getting married (legally) is becoming a reality. I think I’m still in a state of shock - but, shocked or not on June 27, 2004 my girl is going to make an honest woman of me (woohoo!). And, if you’re one for the ‘golly-gee, awe-shucks, ain’t that cute ... we’re getting married on our 10th anniversary. I keep looking at my ring and wondering that it’s really true. And Puff, WOW wonderful news!! Isn't this just a wonderful feeling. Much happiness around the Kitten board this past while. And now, on with the other important stuff....



Chapters 35 and 36

You’ll have to forgive me for this, but the first thought that came to mind while reading Part 35 was: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I love the way you blend humour with high drama and suspense. I always seem to find myself laughing at your dialogue, well okay - this is not to say that your dialogue is laughable, but rather that your infusion of humour (both light and dark) is timely (so, am I off the hook yet? Lol). Anyway, I digress ... As with your other devoted readers, I find Bev’s character quite enigmatic and very dynamic. I’m enjoying the pacing in these past few chapters. The build up of tension is palpable, and blended wonderfully with character expositions and plot revelations leading not to conclusion, but to more questions. I suppose this is one of the things I love most about what you write - you are a master of the carrot and the horse, and one hell of a tease.



As I’ve read through this amazing tale, with all its ups and downs, one aspect that I have found most intriguing is the thread of stability you’ve woven between Tara and Willow. They are the ties that bind and underpin the whole story in a most remarkable way. You’ve put Tara through the emotional wringer and yet she remains strong. In most other stories I’ve read where a character faces extreme and ongoing adversity, I often found it hard to believe that the character could withstand the onslaught and at the end of the day always stand tall, without having a feeling that they were somehow ‘super-human’ such that they push the bounds of believability. Here we have a tale of a character who has what might be called ‘super-human’ power, whose source of strength comes from within and is anchored by unwavering belief and love - something so basic and so extra-ordinarily human. You’ve allowed Tara to fall apart, to feel doubt and to question; yet, at each critical junction, Willow’s presence gives Tara that moment’s respite and the strength to deal with what’s happening around and to her. In a world turned inside out and upside down, it is comforting to know that there is someone who stands beside you through everything.



One of the things that really grabbed me in Part 35 was your use of biblical allusion in describing Tara and Willow’s relationship. I don’t mean in a strictly religious sense, but as a more general application of the concept of unshakable faith (and I might add, quite beautifully written from Part 35) - ”Without realizing it, Tara closed her eyes; tried to anchor herself and gain even a whisper of intuition. From the swirling eddy of fears and uncertainties, she became aware of one thing above all others: Willow was holding her hand. Willow, her rock and her one abiding truth, held Tara’s hand tightly in her own. Looking into Willow’s eyes, Tara saw that her beloved was ready to take the chance, to share their secret with Beverly.”



But, now back to Aunt Bev. I love the twist you’ve added to this story. On the one hand Dawn’s experiencing serious identity issues and everyone’s assuring her that she is ‘real’ and an important part of everyone’s life, love and memory. On the other hand we now have Tara facing a similar conflict. So, I ask myself, just what the hell is Tara going to do with this information. Her family is essentially peopled with a bunch of losers, except Aunt Bev, whom Tara has just discovered exists, but did not exist.



I found the opening very poignant, and there’s an irony here as Tara unshakably believes in the reality of Dawn’s existence, and yet she falters momentarily at the discovery that Bev is also an “implant” and the implications this “implant” has to Tara’s own existence. It is this very human response by Tara that really fuels my devotion to your work (gee, does this mean I’m like an acolyte or something now- lol). Tara’s not perfect, yet her reaction makes her character so much more believable, and makes her very real.



So, having caught up a little on the last couple of weeks, we’re up to 37a. Lots more stuff to make me chuckle, and to make me think - really, what more could one ask from a storyteller. I was especially taken with Tara’s philosophy on life, "So? I’m starting to think life isn’t fair. And I don’t mean that in the cynical, ‘I was robbed!' way," she added. "I mean…maybe ‘fair’ isn’t really part of the deal. Life isn’t out to get you; it isn’t out to save you. Life just is, and all the adverbs get tacked on in retrospect, after the show’s over." Very cool way to look at the world. . Unlike Willow, I did not find Tara’s statement that much of a downer. I had quite the opposite reaction. I found it a rather empowering thought: pragmatic, yet very insightful. Tara’s acceptance of Beverly’s place in the newly created order of things works well. Though I wonder sometimes, which comes first - the circumstance or the philosophy that justifies one’s response to that circumstance?



I too am wondering how Buffy is going to take the news that she’s not the only “chosen” one in this apocalyptic scenario. I wonder about Dawn also - should be a very interesting ho-down at Giles’ tonight. Can’t wait for Monday! Hope you’ve had a great weekend and thanks again for such a wonderfully amusing and thought provoking story.



Cheers!!

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 7/21/03 7:58 am

[shuyaku]

Ooooh - Hasan like, HASAN LIKE!! Other kittens are quoting all these magnificent writers, some even classics and I'm quoting Bugs Bunny cartoons - hmmm oh well



This is like the quintessential move along update. A little bit o' angst, lots of humor and a lovely reference to W/T snuggles. Willow falling asleep in class - now that was some serious snuggles!



While you do a wonderfully fantastic job of capturing our girls, you do an equally good job with the rest of the scoobies as well. Giles - you just gotta love Giles. And Anya - words cannot describe it - perfect. I mean, obviously - she barely gets two sentences out of her mouth and Aunt Bev has her pegged already!



This ought to be a very interesting Scooby meeting...

-shuyaku

[stereo33]

Hi Mary - Just caught up with your updates and have to say they were fantastic. Firstly, it was a bit of a shocker to finally find out about Aunt Bev, although I was kind of relieved to know! I felt so sorry for Tara when Aunt Bev started to explain her background and the realisation sunk in that maybe after all she hadn't got the one member of the family she thought she had. Although I could understand how Tara could feel like she was able to face anything as long as she had Willow. That's the fantastic thing about your story and the whole Willow and Tara relationship, it's what binds everything together, and you write it all so beautifully Mary



Also I thought it was touching that Tara (when faced with her aunt in tears) thought about Willow, and how Willow comforted her when she was upset, and the fact that Tara couldn't see her Aunt like that without comforting her too.



Now, I can't wait to see what happens with the gang and Aunt Beverley (especially after her welcome from Anya).



Thanks Mary, looking forward to your next update.

Karen

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello all~~ I'll respond to all of your wonderful replies first, and then post the update later this evening. Merci, mes amis!



Justin: As I mulled over your reply, I found myself feeling more compassion for the monks and the decisions they had to make. I have the luxury of intoning very sanctimoniously that I would never be so presumptuous...yet when will I ever have to prove it? When will I ever be faced with such a decision? Thanks for your thoughtful observations, Justin. They definitely helped broaden my own thinking.



Oh, and yes--it's Monday!



Chilled Monkey: Getting in the jibes at ME and everyone who screwed up so profoundly--definitely one of the better parts of my days! Glad you're enjoying, CM.



Russ: Yeah, I think the monks have been getting a worse rap (including from me) than they deserve. And I definitely see Tara as able to hold onto a certain amount of philosophical grounding, or perspective, with all things except Willow. Willow is in a completely unique category where Tara's resilience and acceptance are concerned. I agree w/ you about Giles--his "kids" definitely bring him both great joy and inestimable head-ache, but he doesn't tell any of them just how profoundly he still grieves Joyce. Thanks for the good thoughts, Russ; hope you enjoy the update.



Debra: Ah, yes, the ominous foreshadowing..."I promise you, my love--as soon as I make this quick trip to the grocery, we'll leave for vacation where I can tell you everything I've been holding inside and we can finally begin our life together." (Have you ever seen "City of Angels"?) But I promise you, Debra, that our girls will always emerge strong and together on this most wondrous of Boards. Thanks for the kind words!



Dark Magic Willow: Absurb? This entire universe? Whatever are you talking about? Tee and, let's not forget, hee.



You know, your comments on the relative sound and fury that occasions certain acts versus others makes me wonder: What actions/decisions, by which characters, do you find most morally objectionable? Why? Would anybody be interested in a little exchange of ideas/opinions in some other thread? Just thinking out loud here...



As always, DMW, you make me think; and frankly, I resent it. I'm trying to dedicate myself to a life of unrelenting vacuousness and you're not making it very easy, I must say.



Grimmy: Sorry, I still haven't thrown Beverly under that train. She keeps slipping out of my grasp...And yes, it's officially on record that you have no sympathy for Buffy--check. I'd promise to kill off everyone you find annoying but I might not be left w/ much of a cast of characters...Yes, Willow definitely anchors Tara, and conversely; hence Tara's codocil to her "Life just is" philosophy: Willow is the one thing that's non-negotiable for her. She'll find a way to deal w/ everything else, in part b/c Willow is there to help her and b/c Willow's in the world, so the world is worth figuring out and coping with. But if anything happened to her? Thanks for reading Grimmy; hope you like where it goes from here.



Grimaldi: Glad you liked the humor, Grimaldi. It's just fun to write the Scoobies, esp. Anya. I think you'll enjoy the next update. (And so saying, I hereby jinx myself!)



Puff, The Magic Lesbo, lived with her mate;

And frolicked on their honeymoon, rejoicing in her fate.



Girlfriend, I hope your special day was abundantly so, and that your honeymoon is everything you had hoped it would be.



Glad you had a happy sigh as you read this last update; nice to think you had an extra moment of woman-lovin' delight to send you on your way! Thanks for taking the time to send feedback in the midst of what must have been an incredibly hectic time.



Darkest Willow: I really loved your analysis of Giles' feelings and his grief. I think that one of the most common mistakes that young people make about anyone more than ten years older than them is that the older person has everything together and doesn't feel things as intensely as they do. (Big news: They/we do.) Giles definitely reaps considerable affiliation and affection from those crazy kids, but none of them really fit what he would probably most like in a true friend and companion. So he's dealing with romantic loneliness and, albeit to a lesser extent, platonic loneliness.



Thanks for the kind words re: Buffy's "issues." I'm glad the description fit for you. And as always, I appreciate your thoughtful feedback.



Jixer: Shucks, Jixer--yer makin' me blush...And oh, didn't I love your own perfect description: Anya, as the very nut-sprinkles on the banana split that is the Scoobies. Wonderful! Now, of course, I simply have to know what your own match-making ideas are. Lemme guess...Giles and Nathan? Buffy and Donnie? Buffy and Cousin Beth? I give up...



Thanks, Jixer!



Dark Magic Willow: Yes, I share your appreciation for Darkest Willow's observations re: Giles. I also like your point about Giles' own history w/ magic making him tend toward wariness re: its dangers--though of course that doesn't stop him, or any of them, from relying heavily on Willow and Tara to help them out via those same magical interventions. A conundrum? Oh, yeah...



Tempered Cynic: Stentorious? I'm stentorious? I've never been so flattered...You know, I was looking forward to writing the Scooby meeting that's following for the very reasons you mention: the almost infinite number of possibilities for mayhem and upheaval. Thanks for following this, TC--hope you like this next update.



Rose: Oh, Rose--I suspect a lot of us wish we had Tara's strength. The girl's been through a lot, hasn't she? Thanks for staying with this story throughout all the emotional turmoil our favorite blonde has faced.



Patches Well first of all, Girl, congratulations to you for the impending nuptials! My goodness...Love is just a-bustin' out all over! And on your tenth anniversary...God, Patches, that is just so incredible. I'm really happy for you, and for your beloved. I hope that every good thing in life is yours...



And in the midst of such planning, you find time to give such great feedback...color me impressed! (I think that's usually a mauve shade.)



Yeah, I definitely kept Bev at least tinged with ambiguity at the beginning. I'm honored that you deem me worthy of the Carrot'n'Stick Award, Patches, because I find that a hard balance to maintain. And Willow as Tara's anchor--again, a definite theme in this story. No matter what else may happen, the trust they have in each other makes it bearable.



As you can see, the revelation of Bev's origin has generated considerable discussion of what that means in terms of her connection to Tara and to the world (e.g., Tanya). I like how you put it: she exists, but didn't. That pretty much captures it...



You also ask an interesting question re: Tara's philosophy; specifically, what gave rise to what? What's stimulus; what's response? If you figure that out, would you let me know?



Thanks, Patches, for taking the time to write all that you did. I really appreciate it. Good luck in the planning and execution (is that really a good verb for this situation? Probably not.) of your wedding. Yes, she's the wind beneath your wings, Patches--and did you ever know that you're her hero? Just thought I'd tell you...



Shuyaku: Hey, who says Bugs isn't classic? I think he's given us some of the best lines in Western civilization. And can't you just see him in Buffy-verse? "If an ee-nteresting monster can't have an ee-nteresting hairdo..." Yeah, the Scooby meeting will pretty much cover all the major human emotions, I think. Thanks for the kind words, Shuyaku, and hope you like where it goes from here!



Karen: Bev's genesis kinda threw you? Line forms to the right, from what I've read! I'm glad you see the constant connection b/w our girls--to me, everything else is predicated on that connection being strong and unwavering, even in the face of the most awful of revelations. The moment when Tara decides to act with compassion, in part b/c she has received such compassion from Willow when she hurt the most, felt really important to me, and I wanted to anchor that moment to Tara's recognition that she wraps her arms around herself just like Bev did. Thanks, Karen!



OK, off to put finishing touches on 37b.



Thanks,

Mary

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello, Kitties. A quick news-flash: As I've mentioned, I've been using the computer in my affiliate faculty office on the university. Well, the new tenure-track faculty person will be here next week and she gets my office. (I was lucky to have had it at all; most affiliate faculty members don't get offices.) So I have to clear out of my office by next Thursday. I also have to find myself a computer, or computer access, somewhere and somehow. I'll let you know with the posting of Part 38, later this week, how that search is going and how I anticipate it affecting the posting of this story. I promise I won't drop you into cliff-hanger land and then disappear w/o any idea of when I'll be back.

On a distinctly related note, if anyone here feels comfortable talking computers, and would be willing to do so w/ someone who winces every time she turns hers on b/c she's afraid she just shut off power to the Eastern United States, please let me know and maybe we could exchange some e-mail info. I'd really appreciate it.

And now--da story.

*****
Disclaimers: Disclaimer; dat claimer…They’re all pretty much the same: I don’t own these folks.
Spoilers: Up to season 5. I’ve played slightly with the timing of a certain Big Bad’s appearance, with some implications for Dawn’s entrance.
Rating: R for now; if it changes, I’ll give heads-up.
Distribution: Sure, with acknowledgement.
Feedback: Rocks my world!

*****
Part 37b
*****

Twenty minutes after their arrival, Willow, Tara, and Beverly were still exchanging pleasantries with the assorted Scoobies. Tara felt that same tug of pride that she had at the pizza parlor two nights and a life-time ago. Beverly had an ease about her that the others seemed to respond to instantly. Even Buffy and Dawn, tormented as they were by their mother’s death and Glory’s constant threat, were clearly drawn to Beverly and seemed to relax just a little bit.

Don’t get too comfortable, kids…

Beverly had introduced herself to Anya by clarifying the fact that while she had slept with women, she was currently sleeping with only one woman.

"Good heavens," Anya replied. "Don’t any of the Maclay women like men?"

"I like men just fine," Beverly replied without a hint of consternation at the ex-demon’s social oblivion. "I’m actually bisexual. But I’m in love with Tanya, and falling in love with a woman has nothing to do with men." She grinned. "I mean, you didn’t fall in love with Xander because all of the women here were dogs, did you?"

"Oh God, no," Anya hastily answered. "In fact, let’s face it—the women here are gorgeous; I mean, completely hot. Believe you me, I know how attractive women can be." She nodded and looked off for a moment, as if remembering a very pleasant moment from a very different time.

Everyone gazed at her reluctantly, as if torn between their curiosity and a simultaneous dread that Anya would provide, unbidden, the answers to that curiosity. The ex-demon just continued to smile enigmatically.

"So Beverly," Xander was saying, his attempt to sound sophisticated compromised somewhat by the trace of donut glaze on his right cheek, "you’re bisexual?"

Yes, Xander, and she’s not attracted to you, Tara thought with some annoyance.

"Yes I am—and absolutely devoted to and satisfied with Tanya," Beverly replied. "You know, it’s so funny how some people just assume that being bisexual means you’ll sleep with anyone…I mean, really—can you think of anything more juvenile and sophomoric?" She fixed Xander with an easy smile.

Xander’s own smile was anything but easy. He shook his head, seemingly unable to look at Beverly. "How cliched," he finally managed weakly.

"So what was Tara like as a kid?" Dawn interjected, asking what even Tara knew was a major source of interest to the teenager.

Beverly shot a quick glance at Tara, and then smiled gently at Dawn. "Tara was just about the cutest baby you could ever hope to see. All these ringlets, just a tangle of blonde curls; and those great big blue eyes. God, and was she curious—always reading, anything she could get her hands on, as soon as she learned how. And she learned pretty quickly, from what I remember. Tara was a very smart girl."

Beverly looked back at Tara again, and Tara caught the quick hitch in her voice. "Anybody who knew Tara when she was little was a lucky, lucky person."

Tara held her aunt’s gaze, and then reached out to take her hand. From the corner of her eye she saw Giles looking at them both with a slightly puzzled air.

He knows something just happened.

Tara struggled against an growing sense of disorientation. Everything was going so normally, so very pleasantly. Everyone except the three of them thought that this was a little social call, a chance to meet one of her more agreeable relatives.

They’re so glad I have her. That’s part of why they wanted to meet her. Tara’s mind slid suddenly back to that incredible day at Cold Springs, when they had all been so ready to protect her; and then that night, as they sat around a battered table eating the most God-awful and delicious food; she and Anya and Dawn taking the microphone and each of them reaching out to each of the others in some way or another, affirming the bonds that made them a family.

And now they’re going to get the 150th shock of their lives…Does that come with a certificate or anything? She found herself wondering briefly what the folks at Dawson’s Creek were doing that night.

"You know, I really appreciate all of you coming over on such short notice, just so we could get together," Beverly was saying.

"Well, hey—anybody who loves Tara is in like Finn with us," Buffy assured her. Brows furrowing suddenly, she glanced around the room. "Speaking of whom, has anybody seen him lately?"

The others gave a collective start, and then they, too, peered about, as if Riley might emerge from behind the asparagus fern.

"Do you remember when you saw him last?" Beverly asked helpfully.

"Oh God…Maybe a few weeks ago?" Buffy hazarded a guess.

"Well he can’t just have disappeared," Giles argued. "That’s ludicrous."

"Hey, don’t blame me!" Buffy protested. "Been a little busy here."

"I’m sure he’ll show up," Willow said soothingly. "Sometimes people can get distracted and just forget things."

"Well somebody sure fell asleep at the wheel," the Chosen One grumbled. After a moment, though, she shook her head and smiled once more at Beverly. "As I was saying, I’m just glad we got the chance to meet you." Giving Dawn a quick grin, she added, "We don’t get that much excitement around here."

Beverly paused for a moment, her own brow arching in a distinctly wry manner. "You know, somehow I find that hard to believe." And with that as her sole preamble, she launched into the tale of her own genesis.

Tara wished she could have taped the entire exchange, because she would have dearly loved to play it back later and take in the assorted gaping, protesting, denying, and slack-jawed bewilderment that ensued at her own leisure.

"I confess, I’m completely at a loss for words," was Giles’ initial comment.

"Don’t worry," Anya interjected. "He’ll have tons of ’em in a minute; more than you’ll really want to hear."

Pretending to ignore this color-commentary, Giles asked, "So you came to Sunnydale having no idea that Tara was in any way involved with Wicca or magic or fighting demons?"

"Giles, my good man, I had no idea that the Key was in Sunnydale, or that Tara had any kind of contact with anything mystical." Beverly shrugged. "The first I realized that my worlds had collided was in the restaurant a couple of nights ago," she added, nodding at Buffy and Dawn.

Tara and Willow had discussed with Beverly the group’s decision to refer to the Key with only that term, keeping Dawn’s name out of it all as much as possible.

"And then Glory showed up at the Multicultural Fair and tried to feed off of Willow’s mind? Take her sanity?" Even Anya seemed to realize that this fact called for some modicum of restraint in her depiction.

"Yep," Willow confirmed. "Plopped her slatternly little ass right down there beside me and proceeded to chat with me like we had gone to high school together."

"Because she thought that Tara was the Key," Giles said slowly.

"Right again," Willow replied, though her voice held less bravado than it had just a moment before. "She was looking for Tara. She…she was going to take her." And with those words, her voice finally faltered.

"It’s OK, Sweetie," Tara murmured softly, pulling Willow close to her and stroking her hair. "It’s over."

"Does she still think Tara’s the Key?" Anya asked.

Willow shook her head. "I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. I think I was pretty convincing, what with the mortal terror flooding through every cell in my body."

"And she tried to force you to divulge the Key’s true identity?" Giles inquired.

Willow hesitated so briefly that Tara suspected she was the only one who could see it. And then her beloved replied, "She tried to. I did my feeble imitation of flippant defiance, and then, thank every god and goddess in every belief system known to humanity, Beverly showed up." She looked up gratefully at the Protector. "At which point, Glory got a little queasy and had to be excused."

"And that was when it hit all of us that we had more in common than family history and a love of seafood." Even in the middle of the tension, Tara could see the grin that quirked briefly across her aunt’s face.

Vixens. I’m surrounded by vixens.

"I can’t believe this," Xander muttered. "The odds…they’re just beyond astronomical. That you would be Tara’s aunt and a Protector of the Key?"

Resting her hand on her aunt’s shoulder, Tara replied, "I think this is about what’s supposed to happen, not what’s statistically likely. I mean, when you think about it, what were the odds of all of us ending up in this room even before Beverly appeared? But we are here because we’re supposed to be." She brought Willow’s hand up to her cheek. "I came to UC-SD, even though I could have ended up at any number of other universities. Because I needed to meet Willow. It simply wasn’t a possibility that I not meet her." She gazed at her mate, whose green eyes glittered with a fierce and absolute love. "And for some reason, Beverly was placed in my life, and made contact with the Key through my contact with the Key." She paused, and then looked intently at Dawn.

"And I was most definitely supposed to come into contact with the Key. It’s an essential, sacred part of my life." She saw Dawn swallow quickly; saw the kaleidoscope of unshed tears in the teenager’s eyes.

The group was silent for a moment. And then Giles asked, "And you have no idea where the other Protectors are? Or who?"

"None," Beverly answered. "Which I think is for the best."

"I agree," Giles said, nodding slowly.

Tara had watched Buffy carefully from the moment of Beverly’s revelation. The Slayer had yet to speak, though her own eyes had never left Beverly. What in the goddess’s name is she thinking right now?

Finally, Dawn’s sister asked Beverly quietly, "So you’re supposed to protect the Key, right?"

As if measuring her words carefully, Beverly replied, "I’m supposed to help protect the Key." She hesitated, then added, "The Key is more powerful than anything we could imagine, and yet incredibly vulnerable, too. Its safe-keeping is an awesome responsibility, and an honor as well."

Buffy only nodded curtly, then continued, "How? How exactly are you going to protect something so precious?" Her hand reached out as if of its own volition and stroked Dawn’s hair.

Oh God, Aunt Bev—don’t use the body odor metaphor, OK?

But Beverly clearly recognized the tension that virtually radiated from the Slayer, and she spoke in the same careful tone as before. "I weaken Glory. I don’t know why; I don’t know how. There’s something about my very energy that enervates her, drains her a little bit. I can’t kill her—though I swear to you that if I could, I would," she added. When Buffy didn’t respond, she continued. "I don’t have any special weapons or powers. I can only…neutralize her, by my proximity. And only her—if any of her unctuous little minions capture me, they can kill me in any number of profoundly disconcerting ways."

Tara felt her heart catch briefly. No. Please. Because she is family.

Silence hung thick and uncomfortable in the room. Tara felt herself growing first annoyed and then angry with Buffy. Didn’t she realize that this meant she had help? Why wouldn’t she be grateful that there were others trying to protect Dawn?

Surprised at the edge to her own voice, Tara said, "Maybe a little more appreciation and a little less ‘I ride alone’ territoriality, Buffy?"

She fought the urge to duck her head and stammer out an apology as seven sets of eyes fell on her, each possessed of at least some measure of shock.

"Excuse me?" Buffy asked, cocking her head and crossing her arms across her chest.

"I’m sorry, Buffy—I know this hits you pretty personally," Tara acknowledged. "But do you honestly think my aunt is just thrilled at the chance to go up against a Hell god? To find out she’s had an entire lifetime’s worth of memories implanted into her? To risk losing everything?" She swiped an impatient hand across her eyes, feeling Willow’s hand resting on the small of her back as if anchoring her there. "Beverly didn’t ask for any of this but she didn’t turn away from it, either. She didn’t run away or try to deny it. She’s trying to do the right thing, Buffy…like you are. Like we all are." She could feel the tears edging down her face as she struggled to speak. "No one’s saying they can do this better than you can, Buffy. But I don’t take kindly to watching my aunt bring her best gift to your house only to have you look at her like she’s trying to steal the silver."

And that’s the longest speech I’ve ever delivered to this group. But she needed to hear it.

I think.

She glanced at Willow, who was looking at her questioningly. She’s wondering if she should jump in, back me up. Tara gave the barest shake of her head, hoping that only Willow saw it. She knew beyond question that Willow supported her, but she didn’t want Buffy to feel as if the two of them were ganging up on her. Upon a second’s extra reflection, she realized that she also wanted Buffy to weigh her, Tara's, own words, without those words having had reinforcements sent in.

Finally, Buffy sighed heavily. Her eyes, exhausted yet determined, rested on Beverly. "I’m sorry, Beverly. This particular battle is more important than anything else I've ever done. God, yes—I’m glad to have help." Tara saw Buffy’s hand, so immeasurably strong, tuck Dawn’s hair behind her ear with equally immeasurable gentleness. "And I’m also so damned scared that if I let myself breathe just a little bit easier, knowing I have help, Glory will get past me while I’m inhaling." She closed her eyes for just a moment, as if the horror were unfolding in front of her and she couldn’t bear to look upon it.

Tara saw that Beverly’s own eyes were filled with tears, as her aunt nodded her understanding. Then Dawn took Buffy’s hand and squeezed it gently, willing her sister to look at her.

"Buffy…I don’t know anyone who could bear the responsibility you have and not just explode with it all. The Key…the Key must know that you’re its greatest champion. But I don’t believe that it would want you to be completely on your own. It would want you to have others to help you…" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "It wouldn’t want you to be so alone."

For a moment, Buffy looked at her sister through her tears; and then she reached out and took Beverly’s hand in her own. Her eyes, Tara thought, looked almost pleading.

"I—I need your help," she said simply to Beverly. "Please help me protect the Key."

Beverly just nodded slowly, and held onto Buffy’s hand with her sure, gentle grip.

"You have my word."

*****

To Be Continued

*****





Edited by: [url=http://pub106.ezboard.com/bthekittenthewitchesandthebadwardrobe36671.showUserPublicProfile?gAntigoneUnbound[/url] at: 7/22/03 7:51 pm

[justin]

That part was just brilliant.



I loved the part where Buffy realised that she had lost Riley. In fact I'm a little peeved that there's no lmao smiley to show my appreciation with. Oh well I'll have to settle for



And the ending was superb with Buffy breaking through her tendency to isolate herself and asking for help. Again I say



Oh and if you want help regarding computer matters my email is justin@techie.com

I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am

[TexanZeppo256]

Hey. Very cool fic.



I really looking forward to see what sort of comradary (sp?) will form between Beverly and Dawn... seeing as how they're both...

• girls
  
  
• made out of a wierd energy by sexually deprived monks
  
  
• only a few months old
  
  AND
  
  
• attracted to other women

Anything else? Lol

---------------------------------



Listen! Do you hear that? IT'S THE STICKY NOTES OF THE APOCOLYPSE!!! --Double D, "Mama's Little Ed"

[chilled monkey]

Oddly enough, I once read a BtVS/Bugs Bunny crossover fic, it was pretty funny.



Anyway, this update was amazing. I especially liked Beverly's way of dealing with Anya and Xander. Nice!



Tara sticking up for her aunt and putting Buffy in her place were just as good. Go Tara!

[darkmagicwillow]

I loved the conversation about Riley's disappearance, all the more so since I hadn't noticed him being gone either. He wasn't ever very interesting. Maybe one of the skanky vamps ate him? Oh, and when are you going to write your new story "Surrounded by Vixens?" It's a such a cool title; you've gotta!



Tara's confrontation with Buffy over Beverly was beautifully done. Her words, the hesitancy and determination in her voice and movements, and her need to stand on her own all interweave to make a powerful scene. The parallel between Buffy's strength and the tenderness of her interactions with Dawn were well-written too.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 7/22/03 6:42 am