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Washi - I just wanted to have Tara stick up for herself and stand up to her childhood tormenter. And she'll tell Willow eventually, probably just without their kid right there  Anyway, thanks again to everyone who replied. SERIOUSLY appreciated (hint hint). And a reminder, if you have a quote you want me to add to my list of things to use, please do tell me! Ok, and here we go with the second of my little series thingamummy. Quotable #2 Title: Interact Author: MellindraX Rating: PG (very mild angst warning) Disclaimer: These characters are owned by Joss and Mutant Enemy unless I created them myself. No copyright infringement intended, just having fun with them. Summary: Even the socially challenged have feelings. Notes: A different concept of how Willow and Tara met. When you're used to thinking that you're a worthless nobody that no one would ever want to talk to. It must be hard to imagine for "normal" people. How it is to not be able to be close or talk to others. It seems like such a natural thing. I really hope there will come a day when I'll be able to stand next to another person and do a little small talk and not feel bad inside. When all my instincts don't tell me to run and hide and shut up.
–Plume
People swarmed throughout the room, pushing and shoving and moving in a great mass of bodies and forms. A giant press of life and social interaction; talking and laughing and yelling echoing all around her, hurting her ears. She watched them smile, watched them frown or pout, watched all of them.
She didn’t talk though.
She was the one in the corner, her back pressed into the V-split as far as she could, trying to push herself into the wall. Away from the people, away from the noise and the confusion. Away from the fear of it all.
She knew, without question, that she was being weird. You weren’t supposed to be so worried about just saying “hi”, or even just smiling when someone looked your way. But she did know she wasn’t the only one. Sometimes when she went into a room there was someone else, pushing themselves into the corner. And sometimes they would look at each other, and recognize what the other one was doing, and they could smile at each other before going back to watching.
Not here though. She was all alone here, not even that small comfort to make it easier. People like her weren’t supposed to be here.
A man walked towards her, smiling the smile she knew so well, had seen so many times. She couldn’t smile back, she never could. So she ducked her head, tried to pretend she hadn’t seen him. She felt him wait there, smiling at her for a little while, before moving on, away. When she lifted her head again, he was gone into the crush, and she was alone again.
It wasn’t like she really wanted to be here. She hadn’t wanted to come at all, at first. But when the girl had asked her so many times, describing in such glowing detail the fun and excitement she would have, how she needed to try new things, and the vast number of new people she could meet and become friends with, she couldn’t see how bad it would be.
Like so many times before, she’d forgotten how much more lonely she felt, surrounded by people.
The girl hadn’t even come, in the end. Had gone off, with the boyfriend. Hadn’t bothered to tell her, just assuming, she guessed, that she wouldn’t even come.
‘She should have been right.’
How much time had passed since she’d come? It felt like hours, eons of a bubble of awkward silence pressed into her by the talk shunning it from without. But a quick glance at her watch told her what she’d suspected. Only half an hour.
Time passed slowly, whenever you want it to go.
Why couldn’t she just leave? Make her way through the crowd, open the door, and step out into the night air. Walk back to her home, slip through the perfect silence of the night, hide in the gloom and the shadows, in anonymity? Return to her dark room, her quiet room, and read the book she’d left half-read behind her?
Because she was so hopeful, so damnably optimistic. She knew it would never happen; she’d never had luck in her life before, why would that change now? There would be no magical person, who would just appear and shine through the rest, giving her the conviction to go forward, to try and make friends. People like that would never bother with someone like her.
Shy girl, stuttering girl, why don’t you just go stand back in the corner and leave us alone girl. She’d tried so hard, at first, but she just couldn’t do it anymore. Couldn’t take those accusatory glares, staring right through her, those horrible taunts when she tripped over her words. It was just so much easier to let them ignore her.
Not that they would, where she came from. Demon girl, devil-worshipping girl.
Evil girl.
But here, at college, where no one knew, she could be ignored, and she could be glad of that. She didn’t need to push and try to make friends. It wasn’t like she would be able to keep them anyway.
‘It would be nice, though. Just one friend…’
Looking back at her watch, she sighed in resignation. There would be no miracle friend, not tonight. Taking a breath, she pushed herself off the wall, out of her small protection, preparing to force herself through to the door. Before she could take a step, she raised her head cautiously, trying to find the easiest way through.
She stopped, watched as the door was opened, and two women walked through. One was short, blond, and thin, just another face to be lost in the sea of people. The other, though… She was caught, half off the wall, clutching to it sightlessly behind her as she watched the woman walk through the door.
Short, fiery red hair fell delicately just above her shoulders, pulled apart at the front to frame an almost child-like face, alive with mirth and an underlying intelligence. A sleeveless purple shirt, loose enough to leave more than something to the imagination, yet tight enough to show of the woman’s slim figure, was tucked into the waistband of a matching purple ankle-length skirt.
She couldn’t hear anything that either of them said, but just watching her smile, and laugh at something her friend had said, brought a small quirk to her own lips.
As the pair moved into the crowd, blocking her direct vision, she could still trail them easily with her eyes, following the shock of brilliant red as it dodged the more unwieldy and unmovable blockades in her path.
‘I could stay. Just a little longer…’
They stopped where she knew the bar was, waiting there for a minute. She watched the red bob up and down, unable to catch a glimpse of her face, before they moved off again. When she got another clear look, both of them held drinks in their hands, and were talking to another person. A man, ‘or more aptly,’ she thought to herself, ‘a boy.’ A tall, gangly, goofy character with a mess of brown hair.
She moved again, farther away from the wall, letting go of her one support in an attempt to get closer. Just as she took another tentative step, the boy grabbed the blonde woman by the hand and dragged her off to the dance floor, leaving the redhead behind.
‘Alone.’
Closing her eyes tight for a moment, she concentrated on keeping her heartbeat steady before picking her way forward slowly, towards the table where the woman sat.
When she was a few feet away, she stopped cold, unable to force her feet to move one in front of the other. Her heart refused to follow her directions; pounding so loud in her ears she was surprised the woman didn’t look up just to find out who had brought the drum.
‘What are you doing? You’re just going to make a fool of yourself, just like you always have. No one’s ever going to like you; you’re too much of a freak. Just go back home and leave that poor girl alone!’ Her brother’s harsh words rang in her head, filled with the same careless malice she could remember so vividly, a shiver running up her spine.
She couldn’t help but smile, though, when she realized the unpleasant memory had a pleasant effect. She had control of her feet again, if not her heart, and was determined to prove him wrong.
She took the last few steps, finally coming to stand before the woman, shuffling her feet nervously and biting her lower lip.
‘What do I say? Should I say hello? Or is that too formal? Or informal? Is it OK to just say hello to someone you’ve never met before? Who was that girl? Who was that boy? Should I ask about them, to start?’
“Hey there.”
Startled, she looked up from her feet to look into the piercing emerald eyes of her source of consternation, her mind freezing completely. Before she could think, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“Are you going out with that boy?”
The abruptness and forward nature of her words surprised her so much, she clapped her hands to her mouth, her eyes going wide in shock. The woman just looked out at the dance floor, at her two friends dancing.
“Who? Xander?” The redhead looked back at her, smiling brightly and seemingly not noticing her embarrassment. “We used to go out, but we broke up.” She frowned slightly, looking just to the right of her face. “He stole my Barbie.”
She couldn’t help it, that line begged her to ask the question.
“Your, um, your Barbie?”
The woman giggled, bringing her eyes back to rest on her confused face.
“We were five.”
“Oh.” Well, what could she say? She’d started so badly, she just wanted to slink back to her corner or go back to her dorm.
“But, I mean, he’s single now, if you want me to introduce you.”
“Introduce who now?”
The boy and the other woman had returned, sneaking up behind her and now claiming their seats at the table, picking up their drinks and looking between her and the redheaded woman.
“No, really, I, uh, I’m fine.”
“Hey, aren’t you going to introduce your new friend to me and the Buffster?”
“I, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” She floundered, desperately trying to extract herself from the situation. ‘Stupid stupid stupid! I should never have tried this!’
She turned on her heel, ducking her head and walking as quickly away she could, feeling her face flush with embarrassment and shame. Pushing herself heedlessly through the crowd, she found herself at the door quickly, and shoved herself through the last group of people, out into the night air.
Out into the alley, she stopped, staring at the ground for a second, gathering her thoughts, before turning to walk down the dark street, back towards home. She didn’t pay attention when someone called out, not even when it was repeated several times.
‘It’s not like they’d be calling for me. I’m such an idiot. What was I thinking?’
She continued to mentally berate herself, slipping around the corner and out onto the sidewalks of Sunnydale. Even when she heard running feet behind her, she didn’t bother to turn. ‘Vampires wouldn’t even bother with such a lowly little pathetic creature like me.’
The hand that took hers was unexpected to say the least, but when she turned, the worried face that greeted her was even more of a shock.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
‘She…she noticed me. She didn’t just forget me, as soon as I was gone.’
“I…you didn’t, really. I shouldn’t have, uh, just started talking to you.”
“Well, if you’re never going to make any new friends if you think it’s wrong to try and talk to someone!”
She bowed, trying to hide the returning blush at the other woman’s words.
“Oh, god, I’m just shooting every little thing out of my mouth, not even thinking about what I’m saying. I tend to do that a lot, especially when I’m nervous. I’ve been told I babble, actually. And I think I’m doing it now, aren’t I? Jeez, I’m so sorry. Hey, don’t be sad!” The redhead ducked her head, peering up at her through the wall of blonde hair that had fallen to cover her eyes. “Really, I don’t know what I’m saying half the time. Like this one time, I was talking to Xander about how he should do his math homework if wanted to start getting what the teacher was talking about, and then by the end of the babble I got on this whole thing about how Snoopy couldn’t really have been the Red Baron, what with him being a dog and all and not actually owning a plane. But he did have one of those cool aviator hats and a cute little friend who could fly, but I really don’t think a little bird like that could fly a dog around in an aviator hat.”
She giggled, her embarrassment replaced by simple amusement at the adorable stream of words flowing out of the woman’s mouth. The redhead smiled goofily as soon as she giggled, lifting her head along with her.
“My names Willow, by the way. And to hopefully circumvent another babble-fest, I was hoping you’d come back and join my friends back at the Bronze.”
She looked over her shoulder, back at the long, shadowed, anonymous street stretching away before turning sharply into a corner. Back to her dorm, and her book. Then she turned back, looking over Willow’s shoulder, down the brightly lit alley, and the door behind which, even at this distance, she could hear the distant pounding of music and faint hum of voices. Back to the crowd, the noise, the pressure all around her.
And a friend.
“My name’s Tara.”
Willow smiled, squeezing the hand in her’s, before turning around and guiding her new friend back the way they’d come. Tara just smiled her shy smile, letting herself be pulled.
‘I actually have a friend.’
It is my solace, my home, the place where my walls crumble and fall away, because no one can know who I truly am. Thank goodness for the Internet, preserver of sanity! -Unknown
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:>Angst Warning<::[/b]
. Oh, and bzengo pointed something out. If you want to suggest a quote to me, I'd love to try and write something to go with it. I've already got the next few planned out, but your quote will go into the selection, no fear! I think I'll put that into my main post....
. Once upon a time I too was that kid that got made fun of, that felt so left out. And you so captured the thoughts, the feelings that I can only imagine our Tara would have felt in early S4. So I guess the appropriate response to this fic is....
Yes, I'm sad, I know this.
It's simply hilarious! Loved it! Keep up the great writing