The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: The Stash
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 1:19 pm 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:05 am
Posts: 59
Title: The Stash
Author: iloveamber
Rating: PG-13 (drug use)
Summary: Tara finds a bag of weed in Dawn's room.

Hi, I’m back and a brand new story from me. I took this plot from an episode of Roseanne. It is called “Stash from the Past” If you have time, check it out. It’s pretty funny. Well, enjoy this one!

Willow opened the front door and walked in the kitchen.

“Tara! Guess what. I got an A on my science exam!” Willow yelled.

Seeing no reaction in her face, Willow said “Hello! I got an A! Smile!”

She tried waving the paper in her face but still nothing.

“What’s wrong, Tara?” Willow asked.

Tara just sighed and reached in her pocket.

“Look what I found in Dawn’s room.” She said.

Tara then pulled out a bag of weed.

“Oh my god! Is that what I think it is?” Willow asked, while taking the bag. She sniffed it and said, “Yup, that’s pot alright. Mary Jane, Stick, Weed, Dope. Call it whatever you want, it’s trouble.

“I can’t believe Dawnie would do drugs.” Tara said.

“Maybe it runs in the family.” Willow remarked.

Willow looks up and sees Tara looking at her confused.

“What? Buffy started doing this when she was 19. We all did. You too. Don’t try to look innocent.” Willow said.

“I know, but Dawnie is too young.” Tara sighed. “What are we going to tell Buffy?” she asked, concerned.

“Uh, I think we should wait and make sure she’s in a good mood before we decide to tell her.” Willow said.

The front door opened and Buffy came in throwing her jacket on the couch.

“Stupid ass vampire!!” Buffy yelled. She winced in pain and grabbed her shoulder, while Willow and Tara emerge from the kitchen.

“Buff, what happened?” Willow asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Buffy said, while walking up the stairs.

“Do you think this is the right time?” Tara whispered to Willow.

“I don’t know, let me see. Hey Buffy! Tara wanted you to help move some boxes from her dorm tomorrow!” Willow yelled.

Buffy yelled from upstairs, “Kiss my ass, Tara!”

Willow looks to Tara and says, “No, this isn’t the right time.”

“Uh-uh.” Tara agreed.

 Post subject: Re: The Stash
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 7:07 am 
1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 3:13 am
Posts: 12
now that was funny....

 Post subject: Re: The Stash
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:21 am 
30. Sweaty and Kinda Gay
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Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 7:17 am
Posts: 5210
Location: Oregon
HI. :glasses

Normally I don't like stories that involve drug use. Call it my concern for people and the state of the world or whatever, there's just something that doesn't sit well with me in regard to the promotion of drug that I've gotten that off my chest, I can say, I think what you have so far is really very funny. I can't really imagine Buffy being into drugs at nineteen though, that seemed a little out of character.

“I don’t know, let me see. Hey Buffy! Tara wanted you to help move some boxes from her dorm tomorrow!” Willow yelled.

Buffy yelled from upstairs, “Kiss my ass, Tara!”

The premis that Willow was going to use that statement to test the readiness of Buffy to hear about dawn and the drugs is very funny, but once again, I just can't picture Buffy telling Tara to kiss her ass.

Willow looks to Tara and says, “No, this isn’t the right time.”

“Uh-uh.” Tara agreed.

I thought that part was phrased particularly well.

I find myself curious (and I don't think you've mentioned this in the disclaimer) about the setting for this story. Is it set somewhere in Canon? or is it AU? Also, was this just a short and now it's complete or are you planning to add updates?

Thank you for sharing, and I'll definitly be following this fic in the future.


G Wing

 Post subject: Re: The Stash
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:13 am 
4. Extra Flamey
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Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 2:13 pm
Posts: 232
Location: Denver, CO
HAHAHA! But why was Tara snooping around in Dawn's room? Besides, I think everyone deserves to smoke a little pot every now and then...

"I'm gonna do my best swan dive into shark-infested waters/ I'm gonna pull out my tampon and start splashing around/ 'Cause I don't care if they eat me alive/ I've got better things to do than survive/ I've got a memory of your warm skin in my hands/ And I've got a vision of blue sky and dry land" - Ani Difranco

 Post subject: Re: The Stash
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 2:54 pm 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:05 am
Posts: 59
To answer your post Miss Kitty,

This fic is going to have more updates. I'll put one on now for you. It will be a little out of character but I guarantee laughs:) This fic could be called AU I guess. So if you want to, you can keep reading unless the drugs still bother you, then I'll understand.

 Post subject: Re: The Stash
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 2:57 pm 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:05 am
Posts: 59
Hey guys. This chapter has nothing to do with weed. I promise the next one will, I’m just trying to flesh it out. Sorry about it being short, the next one will be a little longer. I got this scene from a Boy Meets World episode that I saw yesterday. It is entitled “Better Than the Average Cory.” I thought it would be funny if I put Willow in this position. Sorry for the shortness, please forgive me. *sad puppy eyes*

The Next Day…

“How are you feeling today, Buff?” Willow asked.

“Still the same. I’m in pain.” Buffy said.

“Well, hopefully this trip to the art museum will make you feel better.” Tara said.

“Thanks.” Tara said.

“Hey! Come look at this painting.” Willow said.

They walked up to a painting that took up almost the whole wall.

“Wow! This is breathtaking.” Tara said, amazed.

“Yeah, but what does it mean?” Buffy asked.

“That’s easy. Let the genius cover it. Hmm, my diagnosis.” Willow said.

“Diagnosis? What are you a doctor, sweetie?” Tara commented.

“Shh! Okay, this seems like God is trying to destroy this person. He obviously created this man… to be ugly.” Willow said, skeptically.

While Willow was talking, a thirteen year-old girl with braids was walking up to her and just stared at her and smiled.

“See, and this man, is showing in this painting: his agony.” Willow said with emotion in her voice.

“That’s not what this painting means at all.” The girl said.

Willow turned to her and laughed, “Are you lost, little girl?”

“No, I just heard your “diagnosis” and I wanted to tell you that you were wrong and you don’t know what you’re talking about.” The girl said looking innocent with her hands behind her back.

Willow just laughed and said, “I don’t know what I’m talking about? Listen. You’re just a little girl. I’m twenty-one years old, and you’re just a little girl!”

“And you’re a mean lady.” The girls calmly said back.

Willow just started laughing harder and said, “Oh! I’m the mean lady! Was I mean to the little girl?”

Willow turns to Buffy and sees she’s not laughing.

“Any fool would know that the man in this painting, is expressing how he feels about himself because he obviously did things in his past he’s not proud of. It’s not how God sees him.” The girl said, nicely.

“Oh, and how did you get that info?” Willow asked, while still laughing. “Did those braids of yours pick up that info from satellites out in the universe or something?”

“Will?” Buffy said, trying to get her attention.

“Not now, Buff. I’m on a roll. She thinks she’s smarter than me!” Willow said.

“Uh, sweetie?” Tara asked.

“What?” Willow asked back.

“Forget it. I’m going to enjoy this.” Tara said, laughing.

Willow turned back to the girl and asked, “Okay Miss know-it-all. Tell me how you know what this painting is about. Go on. Tell me.”

The girl walked closer to her and stared right in her eyes and said, “I painted it.”

Willow’s eyes widen. She looks to the artist picture next to the painting. It was the same little girl with braids and her name was Alexandra Heart.

Willow laughs nervously and says, “Hello.”

 Post subject: Re: The Stash
PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:44 am 
1. Blessed Wannabe
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Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 5:27 pm
Posts: 10
Location: Earth
The end of the second chapter was funny, and SO right out of Boy Meets World. :lol

"Death cannot stop true love, only delay it"
The Princess Bride

 Post subject: Re: The Stash
PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 4:53 pm 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:05 am
Posts: 59
Hey guys, enjoy this one. It's fucking hot in my room and I'm still posting this for you guys.

“Well, that was a nice trip to the museum.” Buffy said, while they walked in the front door.

“Shut up, Buff.” Willow said, annoyed.

“That really made me feel better.” Buffy said, with a huge grin.

Willow angrily turned to her.

“Uh sweetie, it’s okay. I could’ve easily made that same mistake.” Tara comforted, and kissed her.

Tara then went upstairs while Buffy and Willow went in the kitchen.

“What’s the Master of Art going to eat?” Buffy asked.

Willow just rolled her eyes and said, “Why don’t you go bother Bryan. He is your boyfriend, you know.”

“Well, not anymore. He dumped me.” Buffy said.

“Oh Buff. I’m so sorry.” Willow comforted. “I didn’t like him anyway. He was a poop-head. Don’t let this get to you. You’ve got to be tough.”

“I actually thought he was different. But no! Who could be interested in this?” Buffy said, pointing to herself.


“No, I mean it. All the guys I have ever been with have left me! I mean what is it about me? Is there something wrong with me? Do I have a disease that I don’t know about?” Buffy yelled.

Just then Tara came downstairs to see what the yelling was about. She stands in the doorway when Buffy says, “What did I do wrong? What did I do to make this happen?”

“Buffy, calm down. Dawn’s not the first kid to bring pot in the house.” Tara said.

Buffy just turns to her looking angrily, “What?”

Tara’s eyes widen and Willow says, “That’s not what we were talking about, Tara.”

“Well, you people argue so much, I just get so confused!” Tara said, sighing defeated.

“Dawn was smoking pot in the house?” Buffy asked, angrily.

“What’s this new obsession with Dawn all of a sudden?” Willow asked, trying to change the subject.

Buffy went to the foot of the stairs and yelled, “Dawn! Come down here, now! You want to see me get tough?” she asked Willow.

No, Buff! Not when you’re so upset about Bryan! Dawn should be killed for the right reasons!” Willow yelled.

“What’s going on?” Dawn asked.

“Come sit at the table.” Buffy said, with a hint of anger in her voice.

Dawn just sat down and looked nervously at Willow and Buffy.

“Um, I’m just going to go upstairs and fold the towels.” Tara said. She went up to Buffy and whispered, “Don’t forget. It could lead to other drugs, and theft. And why do you think they call it dope.”

Tara then went upstairs leaving Buffy looking at her skeptically.

“Okay Dawn. I’m going to get right to the point. Have you ever smoked pot?” Buffy asked.

“What?” Dawn asked, confused. “No!”

“Look what Tara found in your room.” Buffy said, handing her the bag.

“What? I’ve never seen this before in my life!” Dawn said.

“You don’t have to lie! We caught you! Secret’s out!” Buffy yelled.

“Buffy, I swear! I don’t do drugs! I’ve never seen this before!” Dawn yelled.

Tara came down and heard them.

“Dawnie, I found it in this tin can behind your bookshelf.”

A look of realization came upon Willow’s face.

“Um, Buffy?” Willow said, trying to get her attention.

“Not now, Will. Okay Dawn. I believe you for now. But, I want you to remember what I’m about to do if you ever decide to drugs.” Buffy said.

Buffy walked to the fridge and took out an egg.
“This is your brain.” Buffy said, showing Dawn the egg.

Dawn just looks at her confused.

“Tara, a pan please.” Buffy said.

Tara hands her a pan and Buffy says, “And this is your brain on drugs.”

She slammed the pan onto the egg, making a mess all over the table.

Dawn just looks at her shocked.

“I get it.” Dawn says. She gets up to leave.

“You know, you should really get down on your knees, Dawn. And thank us, because no adults would be as cool about this as we are.” Buffy told Dawn.

“I know.” Dawn said and smiled.

“Well?” Buffy asked, motioning to the floor.

Dawn kneels down on the floor and says, “Thank you for being so cool.”

“You see how low even having drugs in your room has sunken you?” Buffy said. “Now, goodnight.”

Dawn just went upstairs while Buffy and Tara join Willow at the table.

“There. I think I handled that pretty well. She knows I won’t tolerate this and she still respects me.” Buffy said, all proud of herself.

“Yeah. You handled that really well, Buff. Except there’s one little problem.” Willow said.

“What?” Buffy asked, with confusion.

“This is your pot, Buffy.” Willow said, with a huge smile.

 Post subject: Re: The Stash
PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:16 am 
3. Flaming O

Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:05 am
Posts: 59
Hey guys! Frances here. This is the last chapter; I hope you guys enjoyed it. Thanks for reading this story and for your feedback. Keep checking out When Hate Meets Love, it will just be getting better and better!

“What do you mean it’s my pot?” Buffy asked.

“See how low drugs have made you sink?” Willow said, laughing and pretending to smoke and get high.

Tara just starts laughing at Willow’s actions.

“Well Will, I think I would remember hiding pot in the house.” Buffy said.

“Not if you were stoned at the time!” Willow said, laughing. “I hid it.”

“Well, that’s just great, Willow. What a fine example you’re setting for Dawn. Stealing your best friend’s stash!” Buffy said.

“You stole her pot?” Tara asked. “That’s pretty low, Will.”

“I didn’t steal it!” Willow defended. “I put it away when we quit.”

“We quit? I just thought we ran out.” Tara said, looking at the pot.

“Yeah, remember Buff. You didn’t want Dawn to find it, so you told me to get rid of it.” Willow said.

“Well, why didn’t you?” Buffy asked.

“I tried to flush it. But as I watched it float helplessly, I thought to myself ‘am I really ready for this part of my life to be over with?’ Willow said.

“But how did it get in Dawn’s room?” Tara asked.

“Well, I was standing in the hall and I heard Dawn coming upstairs. I didn’t want her to see me with the pot so I ran into her room, which was the closest. I just found a little tin can and hid it behind her bookshelf. She asked me what I was doing and I told her I was just looking for my earring.” Willow explained.

“Well, why didn’t you go back later and get it and hide it somewhere else?” Buffy asked.

“I was stoned at the time too! I couldn’t remember where I hid it!” Willow said.

“Geez, I feel awful. I yelled at Dawn before and it wasn’t even hers.” Buffy said.

“It’s okay. Now she knows not to do it.” Tara said, with her lopsided grin.

Buffy just looks at Tara who is inspecting the pot.

Buffy just grabs the pot from Tara’s hand which causes her to jump.

“Here Will. Get rid of it. It isn’t a good idea to keep it in the house a moment longer.” Buffy said.

“Yeah, I’ll get rid of it tomorrow. We should all just go to bed. It’s been an interesting night.” Willow said.

They turned off all the lights and went to bed.

The Next Night…

Willow and Tara were studying in their room, Buffy was downstairs and Dawn was spending the night at Janice’s house.

Willow throws her book on the floor and sighs, “Damn! I feel like my head is going to explode! Too much studying!”

“Well, why don’t we take a break.” Tara suggested.

“That would be great. But then during my break, I’ll just be thinking that in the next couple of minutes, I’m going to be studying again which will cause my brain to hurt even more.” Willow babbled.

Tara starts giggling.

“What are you laughing at?” Willow asked.

“You. I love Willowbabble.” Tara put simply.

Willow chastely kissed her on the lips and said, “Maybe in a few years, they’ll come up with something to distress us.”

“Like what?” Tara asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe you could just take a drug and then feel everything leave you and you won’t have a care in the world.” Willow said.

Willow raises her head like she just came up with a good idea as did Tara.

They both looked at each other and then to the tin can with the pot on their dresser.

They looked at each other and smiled.

Willow goes to get it but Tara yells, “No! I’ll roll it up! You get to much spit on it.”

They sit on the floor while Tara rolls it up on a mini table.

Buffy knocks, then opens the door and says, “Hey guys. You want to go to the Bronze- (sees Tara) – Do you know what that is?” she asked, pointing to the pot.

“You’re not going to nark on us, are you Buff?” Willow asked, laughing.

“What the hell are you doing?” Buffy asked, with a high pitch voice. “I yelled at Dawn for having pot in the house, which I find out isn’t even hers, and now you’re rolling up a joint? And Tara, you’re using the little mini coffee table my mom gave you for Christmas?”

Buffy looks back to Tara rolling the joint and says, “Oh, you’re doing it all wrong.”

She sits next to Tara and starts to roll it.

Later that night…

Willow and Tara are sitting in the bathroom looking forward.

Willow is sitting cross-legged on the floor and Tara is sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

“Willow?” Tara asked. “Do you feel any different?”

“I don’t know. Maybe this stuff is too old.” Willow said. She stops and thinks. “Did I just say that sentence out loud?”

“Man, we’re stoned!” Tara said.

She looks to Willow and asks, “Do you have another 3 Musketeers bar?”

“No, this is the last one and it’s mine.” Willow says, holding it up in front of her face.

“Well, I want it, Willow. And if I have to, I’ll rip off your whole arm to get it.” Tara threatens.

“That would suck.” Willow said, with no emotion.

She hands the bar to Tara who opens it and starts eating it with her fingers.

“Tara.” Willow says, kneeling right next to her. “You are the most beautiful, sexy…you know, thing that I have ever seen. I love you.”

Tara just blinks and turns to Willow and asks, “What?”

Willow just sighs and sits on the floor.

“I thought this stuff would make me feel better. All I feel is old and hungry.” Willow complains.

“Man, maybe this is how my grandfather got fat!” Tara said, then laughs.

Willow starts laughing and then Buffy says, “Nobody loves me.”

They both widen their eyes and look around to see where the voice came from.

Tara pulls the shower curtain open, revealing Buffy laying in the bathtub in her yummy sushi pajamas clutching a ganja to her chest.

“Oh, hi Buffy. We thought you went to the Bronze already.” Tara said, surprised.

“Why me? I got nothing.” Buffy said, her eyes widened. “No meaningful job, no decent boyfriend… It’s just me. It’s just me and my ganja.”

Willow and Tara started laughing really hard.

“Guys, I don’t think this stuff is working.” Buffy said, staring at the wall blankly.

All of a sudden, a door slams which caused Willow to jump.

“Did you hear that?” Willow asked, nervously. “It sounds like someone’s coming through the door.”

Tara, still laughing, says “You’re just being paranoid, Will. All the little frogs are coming after you!”

Tara started poking her and Willow got up and grabbed the toilet scrubber and got ready to defend herself.

Tara watched this and started laughing harder.

Another door slam occurred and Willow jumped and said, “Now tell me you didn’t hear that?”

Buffy’s eyes widen and asks, “Is this the sink, am I shrinking?”

All of a sudden, there was a knock on the bathroom door.

“Buffy, are you in there?” Dawn asked.

“The jig is up!” Buffy yelled and closed the shower curtain.

“It’s Dawn.” Willow said, pointing to the door. “Dawn…Dawn, have you ever noticed how weird that sounds?”

Willow and Tara walked up to the door.

Tara said very quickly “What do you want Dawn?” She whispers to Willow, “God, you’re right.”

“Is Buffy in there?” Dawn asked.

“Yes.” Willow said quickly.

“What are you guys doing in there?” Dawn yelled.

“We’re, uh…playing chess!” Willow yelled back.

“In the bathroom?” Dawn asked.

“Yeah, human chess! I’m a pawn, Dawn!” Tara yelled. She whispers to Willow and laughs, “Pawn, Dawn.

“What are you doing here?” Buffy yelled.

“I forgot my sleeping bag! Do you know where it is?” Dawn asked.

“Um, it’s, uh, in that little place, you know, uh, where we keep the tools and mom’s car.” Buffy yelled.

“Thanks Buffy!” Dawn yelled, and left.

Buffy gets out of the tub and says “Oh my god! I’m such a horrible person.”

“No, you’re not Buff.” Willow said.

“Yeah I am, Will. I don’t even know where I sent my sister!” Buffy said. “Supposedly she falls down and needs an organ transplant and I can’t give her any of mine because they’re all full of pot!” Buffy cried.

“Buffy, calm down. Look, we’ll get rid of this stuff for good.” Tara said. “Will?”

“Are you sure?” Willow asked, uncertainty in her voice.

“Willow!” Tara yelled.

“Okay, okay.” Willow agreed.

She got the bag of pot that was left and poured it in the toilet.

Buffy went to flush it when Willow stopped her. Willow went to get a lighter and lit it, holding it in the air.

“Okay, go ahead now.” Willow said.

Buffy flushed it and as it went down, Willow waved the lighter in the air as tribute. Tara just looks at her in confusion.

Willow turns to her and says, “What? Just showing some respect.”

“Alright. It’s gone now.” Buffy said. “We shouldn’t do this anymore. We need to start acting like responsible adults.”

“Yeah, let’s go downstairs and watch T.V. while this stuff leaves our systems.” Willow said.

Once they found something to watch, the front door burst open and Xander and Anya walked in.

“Hey guys! Check out what I found while I was getting some of my stuff from my parent’s basement.” Xander exclaimed.

They turned to him and saw him holding a bag of pot.

“It’s my old stash! What do you say, huh? Like old times?” Xander asked.

Willow, Tara and Buffy look at each other, turn off the T.V. and walked out the door to the Bronze.

“Did I miss something?” Xander asked, looking confused.


 Post subject: Re: The Stash
PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 9:22 am 
3. Flaming O
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Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 7:15 pm
Posts: 129
Location: San Francisco
Absolutely hilarious!

“Tara.” Willow says, kneeling right next to her. “You are the most beautiful, sexy…you know, thing that I have ever seen. I love you.”

Good thing they weren't on E because then this line would have been a whole lot raunchier! :flirt

“Dawn…Dawn, have you ever noticed how weird that sounds?”

I never thought about how weird that sounds, either! I guess I'm not really into one-syllable names.

So, what are you waiting should post more funny stories like this one........pretty please! :flirt

Tonto rides again!

 Post subject: Re: The Stash
PostPosted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 11:02 pm 
7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:33 pm
Posts: 551
Location: Austin, Texas
OMG! These shorts were freakin FUNNY!!!

Tara pulls the shower curtain open, revealing Buffy laying in the bathtub in her yummy sushi pajamas clutching a ganja to her chest.

:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol

Buffy’s eyes widen and asks, “Is this the sink, am I shrinking?”

:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

Excellent job! I hope you write more.

"Supposedly the summer is "over." The people that say that are either children or work in the education field. We are neither of those things. The summer is over when it stops being 300 degrees outside. Which won't be until December. That said, we will continue to have summer fun!"

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