The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Every Step That I Retrace [Complete]
PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 9:43 am 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:20 am
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Title: Every Step That I Retrace
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season 6 I guess...
Summary: Willow's recovery doesn't go as well as they had all hoped...can she find her way back to her normal life, to Tara, without the benefit of her memories?

Notes: AU, set after 'Wrecked' sometime, Tara has been gone from the Summers' house for about two weeks, but Willow hasn't hit rock bottom yet, almost killing Dawn didn't snap her out of it... fic begins in early November...

New updates will be posted on Sundays... oh and the title is taken from the Mozella song "Going Home" - don't own it or BtVS...so don't sue me...

Chapter 1 of 11

The girl woke up slowly, hearing loud voices talking about trees somewhere nearby. She opened her eyes, squinting in the brightness and swallowed, her throat feeling scratchy as she did so. It was when she went to move her arms that she received her first surprise. Both wrists were strapped to the bed with thick, padded straps.

“Hey,” she called weakly, her voice rough from lack of use. To her surprise the entreaty actually worked and she heard a door open, a worried face quickly coming into her view.

“Wil…” The new arrival stopped herself, visibly forcing herself to be calm. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

The girl in the bed pulled against her restraints weakly and the new girl quickly turned her head to talk to someone outside the room.

“Giles, get someone in here now to get her out of these things,” the new girl said, sounding surprisingly authoritative. She looked back down at the girl in the bed. “You’ve been out for a few days. I’ll get you some water.”

She stepped out of view and something inside the girl on the bed grew suddenly anxious. She didn’t know what it was, but something about the blonde girl was comforting. She was only gone for a moment and the girl felt herself relax as soon as the other girl came back. There was some noise and she felt the bed underneath her start to fold itself so that she was sitting upright. The girl waited for her nod to stop the bed, leaving her sitting at a comfortable angle. The new girl dropped the remote for the bed and picked up a glass of water from the small table beside the bed, holding it up to her lips for her to drink. She was very careful not to tilt it too quickly and took it away as the last drop slid down the restrained girl’s throat.

“More?” she asked gently and the girl nodded, catching sight of her own red hair as it swung into her face as she moved. She started to move her hand to brush it back but the restraints pulled her up short. The new girl refilled the glass, hearing the girl in the bed trying to blow the hair out of her face with no success. The girl reached one hand out slowly, stopping just short of touching the restrained girl. “Can I?” The girl in the bed nodded and her helper gently brushed the hair out of her face, tucking it almost tenderly behind her ear.

The girl in the bed sucked in a surprised breath as she felt energy crackle between them as soon as the other girl touched her. Her eyes shot to the other girl’s face, but the helpful girl had her eyes closed, her brow furrowed, almost as if she was in pain. The girl in the bed took a moment to study her, struggling to remember if she knew her. She seemed familiar, but the girl in the bed couldn’t think of a name to match with the face. And it was quite the face. The girl was beautiful, deep blue eyes and long hair that had once been dyed a lighter shade of blonde but was now almost completely back to it natural shade of very dark blonde, almost brunette.

“Are you okay?” the girl in the bed asked after a moment. The blue eyes snapped open at the sound of her voice and she was surprised to see tears welling up in the eyes.

The girl nodded, swallowing thickly. “Yes, I’m okay. Sorry.” Any more questions were delayed as she lifted the glass of water back to the girl in the bed. “Drink,” she said quietly, glancing at the door as a new woman came in, an older man following her in.

“Can we talk to you outside?” he asked quietly, his eyes lingering on the girl in the bed. He had a British accent and was wearing glasses and a tweed jacket. The girl in the bed studied him for a moment, but was unable to place who he was.

The woman who’d come in moved to the opposite side of the bed from the helpful blonde and gently undid the restraint on the girl’s left arm. The blonde had to step back as the woman came around to the right side and released the other arm. The redhead craned her head to keep her eyes on the blonde girl, the blue eyes never moving off of her either. The woman finished with the restraints and left the room quietly, squeezing the older man’s shoulder as she moved out.

The blonde stepped back up beside the bed, wringing her hands to keep herself from reaching out and touching the marks the restraints had left on the other girl’s pale skin.

“I need to step outside and talk to some people for a second. Will you be okay in here? I won’t be gone long, I promise,” the blonde said, her voice sounding choked.

The redhead glanced between the girl at her bedside and the man lingering by the door. “Okay,” she said doubtfully. “Just for a few minutes?”

The blonde nodded quickly. “I promise.” There were tears burning behind her eyes but she blinked furiously to keep them back. The girl in the bed nodded and the pair of people left, the blonde girl giving her one last lingering look over her shoulder as she hesitated in the doorway.

“What’s your name?” the girl in the bed asked, unwilling to let her leave without knowing at least that much.

The blonde girl’s eyes slid closed, tears finally falling. “It’s Tara,” she said quietly, turning away and closing the door gently behind her.

*****

Two Weeks Earlier

Tara was in her dorm room, unused for so many months, the one she’d gotten only to keep her scholarship, struggling to unpack when there was a quiet knock on her door. Pushing the box she’d been going through out of her way, she went to the door, unsurprised to see Buffy and Xander on the other side. She opened the door wider, stepping out of the doorframe. “Come on in,” she invited them in. She’d moved out of the Summers’ house two weeks ago, but stayed in daily contact with Buffy, Xander, and Dawn.

They exchanged hugs and entered, glancing around the room. There was a picture frame overturned on the dresser and Buffy took in a deep breath, meeting Tara’s gaze. “She’s not here, is she?”

Tara shook her head, frowning. “No, I haven’t seen her…since I left.” She looked at the pair, suddenly anxious. “Oh God. What happened? Is she okay? Where is she?”

Xander stepped forward, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Tara, shh. We don’t know where she is. She didn’t come home last night. We were hoping she’d come here.”

Tara shook her head rapidly. “Oh God.” She closed her eyes, tears threatening. “I’ve got to go look for her.”

Buffy sighed. “We’ve been looking. This was kind of our last hope.”

Tara dropped to sit on her bed, suddenly weak. She looked up at her friends, her fear obvious in her eyes. “We have to find her. Before…”

Xander nodded as Buffy sat down on the bed next to the witch. “We will Tara. We won’t let her get any further away from us. We’ll get her back.”

They all looked up in surprise as there was another knock on the door. Xander went to open it, Tara and Buffy getting to their feet behind him. He opened the door and stepped back, a look of surprise and disgust on his face. “What do you want Amy?” he asked brusquely, crossing his arms over his chest.

The witch scowled at him, wobbling unsteadily on her feet. “I’m not here to see you, that’s for sure.”

Buffy glared at her from Tara’s side. “I told you to stay away from us. What are you doing here?”

The strung out witch pointed at Tara, her hands shaking. “I came for her. She needs to come with me.”

Tara glanced at Buffy in surprise before her gaze went back to look suspiciously at the other witch. “Why would I do that?”

“It’s about Willow,” Amy said, leaning on the doorframe heavily.

Tara was across the room in a second, shoving Amy roughly against the wall on the other side of the hallway. “Where is she?” she demanded furiously. The other witch’s head was lolling from side to side and Tara forced her head up roughly with one hand. “Tell me,” she ordered, surprised by the strength of her sudden anger, her fear for the woman she loved overpowering her normally mild temper.

Buffy and Xander quickly rushed into the hallway, stunned by Tara’s reaction. “Tara,” Buffy said, trying to calm her down. “She’ll tell us, just relax.”

Amy was blinking blearily at them, her mouth hanging open. “Yeah, what she said. I’ll tell you.”

“You shut up unless it’s about Willow,” Xander ordered, waving Tara’s more curious dorm mates back as heads popped out of doorways down the hall.

Buffy slowly loosened Tara’s fingers from their tight grip on the front of Amy’s shirt. “It’ll be okay.” She pulled Tara back from Amy and Xander pulled the other witch into Tara’s dorm by the back of her shirt. Buffy led Tara back into the dorm with them, kicking the door shut behind her. “Now, tell us where Willow is,” the Slayer said, looking at the witch seriously.

Amy glanced between the three scowling Scoobies and let out a deep breath. “She’s at Rack’s. She’s in a bad way.” Her gaze shifted to Tara. “She’s calling for you. He can’t get her to stop. Your name is all she’ll say.” She grimaced. “Actually, she’s been screaming it.”

Tara let out a sob, both hands coming up to cover her mouth and Xander shook Amy roughly to shut her up. The witch didn’t take the hint and let out a laugh. “It’s been really annoying, actually.”

Buffy caught Tara as the enraged witch lunged at the other girl, the Slayer quickly wrapping her crying friend up in a tight embrace. Xander stepped in between the two witches in case Tara got away from Buffy, scowling furiously at Amy.

“Take us there,” Buffy said, her own rage and anxiety barely contained. “It’s about time I have a talk with Rack.”

They stepped through the barrier into Rack’s house a short time later and could instantly hear Willow’s screams from the other side of the door. Amy was wobbling on her feet and Xander pushed her onto the couch, pointing at her firmly to stay still. She just nodded, putting both hands over her ears and sliding down onto her side on the dirty couch.

Buffy kicked the door straight off its hinges, leading the way into Rack’s back room. The dealer was lounging on his sofa, a dark haired young woman kneeling at his feet as he sent magic coursing through her. She barely reacted as the Slayer pulled her away, only protesting as she was shoved unceremoniously back into the lobby. The dealer stood up slowly, looming over Buffy.

“You must be the Slayer,” he said, smirking as he ran his eyes over her. “Very nice of you to visit.” He pursed his lips. “Not so nice to throw my customers out on their asses, but I’ve heard you’re not very…delicate.” He reached up to run the back of his hand over her cheek. “Not the way good girls should be.” She twitched away from his touch, shoving him back onto his couch.

“You don’t touch me,” she said plainly. “Next time you try, I’ll kill you.”

He shrugged, straightening his vest. “You’re here about my dear Strawberry, I assume.”

Buffy looked around the room, unable to see Willow anywhere, while the volume of her screaming was making it difficult to tell where it was coming from. “Where is she?”

The dealer pointed up at the ceiling and they all gasped as they saw the state of their friend. She was dirty and her clothes were torn, dried blood on her ears and neck. Her body was pinned to the ceiling and her head was rolling from side to side, a steady, repeating scream of Tara’s name coming from her mouth.

“I’d just as soon let you take her out of here. She was getting in the way on the floor, sobbing and screaming like she is. Some of the customers were tripping over her.” He shook his head, feigning sadness. “She was getting kicked like a dog.” He glanced up at the girl on his ceiling. “Not that she felt it, the state she’s in.”

Buffy had to catch Xander this time as the young man lunged forward. The Slayer shoved him back, shaking her head. Tara lost her strength and collapsed to the floor, crying as she stared up at the girl she loved. Buffy pushed Xander back again as he repeated his attempt to get to the dealer. “Xander, get Tara,” Buffy ordered. “Take her out of here. I’ll get Willow.” She waited until he nodded before she released him.

He crouched down next to the sobbing witch, lifting her into his arms and carrying her outside, her face buried in his chest. Buffy watched them go before turning back to Rack. “Get her down.”

The dealer flicked his wrist absently and Willow’s body crashed hard to the floor. Buffy jumped forward, punching him hard in the face. “Every injury she has, I’m coming back here and giving to you,” she said angrily, hitting him again.

He eyed her, annoyed, as he wiggled his nose back and forth. “I think you broke it,” he complained.

She punched him again. “I’ll do worse when I get back. Every bruise she has, you’ll get, every drop of blood she’s lost, you’ll lose it too, every bone that’s broken, I’ll break yours.”

He sighed dramatically, wiping blood off his lips gingerly. “Fine.” He gestured again and Willow’s bruises faded, some of the color slowly coming back to her face. “Satisfied?” he asked.

Buffy scowled, punching him again. “No. If I ever hear anything about you again, if you ever try and contact Willow again, I’ll find you and I’ll kill you.” She let him go, stepping back. “Leave town. Now.” She lifted Willow carefully into her arms and turned her back on the magic dealer, stepping over the customer she’d thrown out as the girl crawled back into the back room.

Rack watched her go, reaching out absently to stroke his customer’s head as he stared after the Slayer.

Tara started fighting to get out of Xander’s hold as soon as Buffy appeared with Willow cradled in her arms. The redhead was still screaming deliriously and Xander glanced around the alley uneasily as he let the blonde witch go.

“That’s going to draw every vamp in town,” he commented, raising his voice to be heard over Willow’s screams.

Buffy sighed, nodding. “Can you take her? I’m going to need my hands free if we get attacked.”

Xander nodded back. “Of course.” They gently transferred the witch to his arms and he looked around again. “Where are we going? Home?”

Buffy shook her head. “Hospital. She’s hurt. Rack fixed some of it, I think, but I don’t trust him. We need to make sure she’s okay.” She turned her gaze to the blonde witch. “Tara? Are you going to be able to make it to the hospital?”

Tara didn’t take her eyes off of Willow, but nodded, one hand reaching up to touch Willow’s hair gently. They were all surprised when the redhead’s screams immediately stopped. Her eyes were closed and it looked like she was sleeping, the hitches in her breathing the only sign that she wasn’t unconscious. Xander and Buffy both looked at Tara.

“Are you doing something?” Xander asked, confused.

She shook her head, confused herself. “No. I just touched her, that’s all.”

Buffy frowned thoughtfully. “Take your hand back.” She did so and the screams started up immediately and she put her hand quickly back on her lover’s head. The Slayer looked at them for a long moment. “Can you keep a hand on her the whole way to the hospital?”

Tara nodded. “Yeah.”

“Great. Let’s go then,” Buffy said, leading the way out of the alley.

They waited for two hours at the hospital, the Sunnydale ER busy as usual. Buffy left for a few minutes to call Giles and rejoined her friends shortly, dropping into a chair next to Tara. Xander had Willow in his lap and the blonde was sitting next to them, keeping one hand stroking gently through the other girl’s red hair.

“Giles wants us to bring her there if we can make it. He thinks there’s a coven in England that can help us,” Buffy said, watching Willow anxiously. Tara nodded, not speaking. “Do you guys think she can hear us?”

Xander shrugged, looking down at his best friend worriedly. “She’s not asleep or unconscious, but we have no idea what Rack did to her.” He swallowed back sudden emotion. “Or what she’s done to herself.”

Tara blinked back tears, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of Willow’s head. “I love you Willow,” she breathed. “If you can hear me, I’m so sorry and I love you. I love you so much.” Her voice choked up as her tears escaped. “Come back to me. Please.”

Xander exchanged a teary glance with Buffy, swallowing thickly. “I’m sure she heard you Tara,” he said quietly, choking up himself. “She knows.”

Just then the nurse ushered them into a room and Tara hurriedly wiped at her tears with her free hand, keeping the other one on Willow as Xander carried her carefully into the exam room.

It was tricky to manage, but Tara kept a hand on Willow throughout the entire examination. The doctor said that the redhead showed some signs of injuries, but that they were healing well which let everyone breathe a sigh of relief that Rack had actually done something to help them. The doctor said that they were free to take her home and they did so as quickly as they could, Buffy calling Dawn to drive over and get them, despite the late hour and Dawn’s lack of legal driver’s license.

Xander drove home while Tara held the unresponsive redhead in her lap and Buffy called the airport. Dawn was in the back seat with the witches and stayed quiet, scared of the seriousness the others were displaying. Tara kept Willow close, leaning her head against the red hair she loved so much, quietly murmuring to her love the whole ride home. Buffy went upstairs to pack clothes for herself and Willow while Xander drove home to get his own bag packed.

When she was finished, she pulled her sister into the front room of their house from where the younger girl had been watching the witches on the couch. “Dawn I have to leave you here. At least for a few days. We can’t afford for you to miss school. I’ll be home in a few days or we’ll find a way for you to come visit.” She looked seriously at her sister. “You understand?”

The younger girl nodded unwillingly, but sensed that this was not the time to argue with her sister.

“Good. I’ll stop by Spike’s on my way out of town and make sure he comes to stay with you. Don’t go out on your own,” Buffy ordered, hugging her sister. “Unless it’s to school,” she added, pointing at her sister threateningly.

Dawn rolled her eyes, smirking. “I’ve got it. In bed by midnight, no junk food after dinner, don’t skip school, and don’t go out after dark,” she recited. “It’s the same rules every time you go outside to get the mail Buffy.” The Slayer had the grace to look sheepish, hugging her younger sister.

“Fine, I know you know the rules. Just be good until I get back. I can’t handle anything going wrong here while Willow’s still…”

Dawn nodded, her smirk dropping into a serious expression. “Call me as soon as you know anything, okay?”

Buffy nodded, glancing into the living room where Tara was holding Willow on the couch. “We will.”

Xander pulled back into the driveway, honking the horn, and they drove to Tara’s dorm so she could pack her own bag, directing Buffy around the room while she held Willow on her bed. Finally, they were ready to go and they stopped at Spike’s crypt on their way to the airport, filling him in on the situation in a rush.

Willow stayed sedate as long as Tara was touching her so they leaned her against the blonde and the late night security team at the airport went with the explanation that the girl was merely very tired, having seen enough in Sunnydale to know not to question things like that too much.

Giles met them at the airport when they finally landed in London the next day, the tired group quiet as they drove out of town and into the countryside, finally pulling up at a large stone farmhouse several hours later. Xander took Willow from Tara as they climbed out of the car, the blonde careful not to let her hand slip off of Willow.

Giles led the way inside, nodding to several women they passed in the hallway. They reached their destination and Xander carefully put the redheaded witch into a motorized hospital bed, stepping carefully back while avoiding Tara’s arm. They all stared down at Willow for a long moment before Giles spoke up, looking around the room at his young friends.

“The coven is on their way to examine her.” He stepped up to the other side of the bed from Tara and the blonde looked up at him slowly. “We’ll have to leave her when they get here,” he said gently. Tara just shook her head firmly in response, not speaking. “Tara, I know this is difficult, unbearable even, but we must talk about some things, and the coven will need room to work.”

“For Willow, so we can get her back,” Buffy added, touching the blonde witch gently on the back.

Tara glanced over her shoulder at her friend and let out a deep breath. “Okay. For a little while.” A shudder ran down her spine. “I can’t bear to hear her scream like that,” she said quietly.

Just then the witches of the coven came in and Giles met Tara’s eyes across the bed, his heart breaking for the witch. “I’m sorry Tara. You have to let her go, just for now. We must talk.”

The blonde nodded, squeezing Willow’s hand and leaning over to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I love you Willow. I’m so sorry,” she whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks as she pressed another kiss to her cheek, pulling back slowly.

Tara stepped back reluctantly, slowly releasing Willow’s hand. There was a brief moment of quiet and then the redhead was whimpering, her mouth dropping open to scream Tara’s name.

The blonde stared in horror as Willow started thrashing on the bed, screaming nonstop, her breathing raspy. Buffy and Xander snapped themselves out of their own horror to pull Tara from the room, the blonde fighting to get back to her lover’s side.

“She needs me,” Tara said anxiously, trying to force her way back into the room. Buffy wrapped her in a tight hug, pulling her away from the door.

“She does. Of course she does,” she assured her friend. “But Tara, you can’t help her right now. We have to let the coven help her.” She pulled them farther from the door, trying to get out of hearing range of the awful screams that were echoing dimly through the door. Tara finally stopped fighting, leaning against Buffy as tears streamed down her face. “I know Tara, I know. I’m so sorry,” Buffy breathed.

Giles led them into another room, a library by the look of the walls, all sides covered in book filled shelves. The Watcher poured them all some tea and they sat down in thick red leather armchairs. Tara couldn’t stop anxiously staring at the door, twitching every time there was some noise outside the room.

“I told them where we were going. They’ll come if there’s any change,” Giles assured her, trying to calm her down. “In the meantime, perhaps someone could tell me what’s happened to her. She wasn’t this bad when I left.”

“She’s addicted. She’s been going to this black magic dealer, Rack,” Buffy said. “She didn’t come home, so we went looking for her. Amy showed up at Tara’s door yesterday and told us where to find her.”

“What’s wrong with her Giles?” Xander asked, looking at the older man. “Why’s she screaming like that?”

“And why does she only stop when Tara touches her?” Buffy added.

Giles shook his head. “I don’t know. We’ll need to figure out what spells she’s been doing with this magic dealer and reverse them if we can. We’ll have to wait on the coven’s recommendations on how to proceed.”

“I shouldn’t have left her,” Tara whispered brokenly, staring at the floor. “If I’d stayed she wouldn’t have gone to him. She wouldn’t be like…this.”

Buffy shook her head, frowning. “Look at me Tara. This isn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. She’s made some really bad decisions, but she made them. Of course we love her and we’re going to do absolutely everything we have to do to make sure she’s back to normal, but this is not your fault. Understand?”

The blonde witch nodded, wincing as they heard another scream. Buffy eyed her sympathetically. “Do you think you could sleep?”

Tara shook her head. “I haven’t slept in two weeks, not really.”

The Slayer sighed, nodding. “Okay, but you really should rest. It won’t do us any good if Willow gets better and you’re sick from exhaustion.”

“I’ll rest once I can see Willow again,” Tara said, meeting the Slayer’s gaze with a nod.

“Fair enough.” She looked to her Watcher. “How long is this going to take?”

He shrugged, cleaning his glasses. “I don’t know. Possibly a few hours, maybe a few days.” Tara’s head dropped into her hands at the news. “It just depends on what spells they have to undo. It could be tricky.”

“Can I help?” Tara asked, looking up at him. “I can’t stand just sitting here.”

He shook his head regretfully. “I’m sorry Tara. It’s better for you to distance yourself from her right now.” He cleared his throat. “They’ve been talking to me about possible treatments for her. I’d like to discuss them with you all.”

They nodded and he stood up, pacing uncontrollably. “It all depends on how bad she is, of course, but some of the treatments they’ve suggested are…quite shocking,” he warned them.

“I won’t let anyone hurt her,” Tara said seriously.

“Oh, I know that. Neither will I. Of course not. No,” he said firmly. “It’s just…the most promising treatment would involve…blocking her memories.”

“What? So she wouldn’t remember us?” Xander asked, looking at Giles in surprise. “You can’t do that!”

Buffy nodded her agreement and Tara’s jaw dropped, tears welling up in her eyes. “What benefit would there be to that?” she asked, forcing herself to stay calm.

Giles was still pacing. “If they can get the dark magic she’s been using undone, blocking her memories while she was here with the coven would give her a chance to start over with her magical training. She was learning everything on her own until she met you Tara, and she’s never learned to treasure the balance between dark and light that is the key to using her power properly. It’s the same problem I had as a young man, but I didn’t deteriorate so quickly as Willow has done.”

Tara took a deep breath. “But when would she get her memories back?”

He met her gaze seriously. “After she’s completed her training here with the coven. How fast depends entirely on her.” He smiled cautiously. “She’s always been a quick study, as you know.”

Tara nodded without smiling back. “What are the other treatments?”

_________________
Ripples - Pretty Much Perfect and The Sequel to the Sequel, Who's That Girl?
Every Step That I Retrace/Always Leads Me Back to You/But I've Loved You All Along
Road to Recovery, The Call/The Lightning Strike, The Sun Will Rise


Last edited by leonhart17 on Sat May 08, 2010 5:42 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 10:26 am 
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Ms. Moderator Fantastico
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You always go straight for the heart glad to see you back writing Very good start. Keep it coming. :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 11:13 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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This seems to be a very sad story... I'm curious to know what's next.
:peace

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Think she's going to fly away..."


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 11:36 am 
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5. Willowhand
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Location: Hmm... Don't you wish you knew?
Very interested to see where you're going with this... Can't wait for more!

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 12:41 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs

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This story is doing well.


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 9:17 am 
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4. Extra Flamey
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Yay you're writing a new one! And I'm hooked allready...
Eagerly waiting for more! :peace

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 10:58 am 
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3. Flaming O

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Glad to see a new story from ya, and i can't wait to see how this one progresses.


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 2:12 pm 
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10. Troll Hammer

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I like how you gave Amy a dsitinct part of ehr own, event ho small. She was so often used on teh show as just a foil to bring out Willow's worse side and remained peripheral to the actual storyl;ine. Here she was for he rown reasons.

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Snapshots:http://thekittenboard.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=10210 a Love Story
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Kim: (breaks off the kissing) I l... (Sue stops her with a hand)
Sue: We don't talk about things like that right after, you know that, no saying those things in The Moment.
Kim: (moves the hand aside) Screw The Moment. I *love* you.


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 9:38 am 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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Willowtree252: Aww, yeah I didn't realize how angsty this one starts... I started writing it last summer as an alternate whenever I was blocked on Ripples, and I never really noticed how angsty it starts out until I started editing it to start posting... Hope you like the new chapter - I promise it gets happier!

abarda: Yeah, it starts out kind of rocky, but I promise it does get better! Thanks so much for commenting!

AmberGoddess: Thanks for the comment - I hope you'll enjoy where I go with it :)

Taralover: Thank you! I appreciate the comment!

Mrs. Pineapple: I'm glad you like it - thanks for sticking with me :)

ScottishAsh: Thanks! Hope you like it!

DaddyCatALSO: I didn't think about that when I was writing it, but you're right... Thanks for the comment - Your comments always make me think about the details and I appreciate it!

Early update because it's my dad's birthday and I'm going to be out with him all day tomorrow!

Chapter 2 of 11

The second the coven opened the door to Willow’s room, Tara was inside, rushing to her lover’s bedside. The redhead looked calm and appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Her arms were strapped to the bed on either side and Tara reached out to undo them without pausing. One of the coven witches pulled her back immediately, shaking her head.

“No. You can’t touch her,” the old woman said sternly.

Tara’s jaw dropped. “What? Why not?” she demanded, her voice harsh in her own ears, but she was unable to temper her reaction, her fear for Willow overriding everything else.

The old woman held a hand out and lowered it slowly until it was a few millimeters from Willow’s skin. Suddenly there was a loud pop and Willow’s back arched, her mouth falling open in a loud groan. Tara pulled the old woman back in a rush. “What did you do to her? Giles said you wouldn’t hurt her,” Tara demanded.

The old woman shook her head again, lifting her hand up so Tara could see it. The skin was blistered, red and raw, almost burned looking. “I didn’t do it to her. She did it to herself, and to me. There is still much dark energy inside of her. It will take more time to expel it completely. Until then she must be restrained, for her own safety.” The old woman reached over and carefully lifted the bottom edge of Willow’s shirt, cautious not to touch her skin. Tara gasped involuntarily at the sight. Willow’s stomach was covered in the red welts, large patches of her skin red and sore. “She was thrashing around a lot. Her arms look worse,” the woman said, gently putting the shirt back down.

“Is she in pain?” Tara asked, staring down at the woman she loved.

The old woman shook her head. “If she is, it’s very little. We’ve got her sedated. A healer will come by in a few minutes to do what she can.” She looked at the upset blonde girl kindly, touching her gently on the arm. “We’ll all do what we can. She’s a strong girl.”

Tara nodded, tears welling up in her eyes as she stared at the woman in the bed. “That’s my girl,” she murmured, her voice soft and sad, her eyes no longer seeing anything but Willow. The old woman squeezed her arm gently and moved out of the room, leaving her alone with Willow. Tara stepped up close to the bed, wrapping a hand around the railing on the bed to keep herself from touching the unconscious girl. Her other hand came up to cover her mouth, a sob escaping uncontrollably.

Xander and Buffy came in a moment later and Buffy pulled Tara into a hug, the witch breaking down into sobs against her shoulder.

“How is she doing?” Xander asked quietly, looking down at Willow with a pained expression on his face.

Tara choked back her tears after a moment. “They haven’t undone all of the spells yet. We can’t touch her.”

Buffy sighed, looking over Tara’s shoulder at the bed. “I’m so sorry Tara. Did they say when they would be able to wake her up?”

The witch shook her head, struggling to control her tears. “No, they just said that they had more to do. And she showed me what happens if anyone touches Willow.”

“She calmed down when you touched her before, maybe it would work the same way,” Xander suggested, trying to be hopeful.

Tara shook her head, pulling back from Buffy’s hug. “If it only hurt me, I’d risk it, but it hurts her too. I can’t do that.”

He nodded. “But she’s not screaming anymore. That’s something, at least.”

Tara wiped her tears away, grimacing at the sticky feeling on her face. “They’re sending a healer to help her.” She looked around for a moment. “Where’s Giles?”

“Oh, he stopped to talk to one of the witches. He’s trying to come up with another treatment for Will. He knows you don’t want to do the memory blocking thing,” Buffy said, glancing at the door.

Tara shook her head. “I don’t know what to do. It feels wrong to take her memories like that.” She looked seriously at Buffy and Xander. “I left her for doing the same thing to me.”

“It’s not exactly the same though,” Xander said. “Willow did a horrible thing, don’t get me wrong. I understand that. She was trying to control you and that’s completely wrong. We’re not doing that. We’re trying to help her. We want her to get better.”

“I know that. It just feels wrong,” Tara replied, staring down at the love of her life. “I’d feel better about it if there was some way to ask her.”

Buffy put a comforting hand on the other girl’s shoulder. “Tara, you know Willow better than anyone, even me or Xander.” She looked between the two of them. “There’s no one who would know better than you what Willow would want to do. Don’t you think she wants to come back to you, to us?”

Tara took a deep breath, crossing her arms over her stomach. “Willow made the decisions that ended her up like this. Maybe she really wanted to end up like this.”

“Tara, no! Of course she doesn’t.” Buffy pulled the witch around to face her, turning the blonde’s back on the bed. “Does Willow love you? What do you honestly think?”

Tara nodded. “I know she loves me.”

Buffy smiled gently. “Okay, good. And you love her?”

Tara nodded again. “More than anything. But I didn’t leave because I didn’t love her, or she didn’t love me. I left because I couldn’t trust her.”

“She did a terrible thing to you, I know that, and I cannot imagine how much that hurt you. But if this idea works the way they think it will, we’ll get Willow back. The real Willow, the one you fell in love with, not addicted Willow. Now, do you really think she would choose to stay addicted and lose you, or would she rather get help and try and get you back?” Buffy asked, knowing the answer before she even finished the question.

There were tears swimming in Tara’s eyes. She blinked and they broke, sliding down her cheeks. “I need her Buffy. I need her to be okay.”

The Slayer nodded, tears coming into her own eyes. “I know. She needs you too Tara. More than she ever has before, I imagine.” She took a deep breath. “I know it’ll be hard, but Giles’ plan really does sound like the best way to help her.”

Tara nodded. “Give me some time to think about it.”

Giles entered just then with the healer. “That’s more than reasonable Tara. None of us want to make any rash decisions about Willow’s wellbeing.” The healer moved up next to the bed, leaning close to Willow’s unconscious form. Tara’s mouth dropped open to warn the medic not to touch her, but Giles put a hand on her arm. “It’s okay. She won’t hurt her. And purging the rest of the dark magic will likely take a few days so we have time to discuss the treatments.”

Tara swallowed, turning her head to look at the bed. “Does she have to stay tied up like that?”

Giles nodded, giving the girl a sympathetic look. “I’m afraid she does. She could really hurt herself otherwise.”

The witch sighed, looking up at Giles. “They really think that this is the best way to help her?”

“Yes, they really do. Willow is in a very bad place. She’s been abusing the magic for months. This might be the only way to save her from burning out completely.” He gently squeezed the blonde’s arm. “And you’ll be here to help her, from the beginning this time.”

“I know. I just don’t like thinking that she won’t know us,” Tara said quietly. Buffy and Xander joined Tara and Giles, the Slayer sliding an arm around the witch’s shoulder.

“We hate it too Tara,” Xander agreed. “But it won’t be forever. And she’ll get to be Willow again.”

Tara sighed, glancing at the bed again. “Okay, explain it to me again.”

Giles nodded, smiling gently. “If we temporarily block her memories of spells and magic, and allow Willow to train here with the coven, it will only strengthen her powers and her ability to control them, while learning the proper respect for the balances that must be abided by when practicing magic correctly. At the end of the training her memory blocks would be removed and she’ll be restored to herself.”

Tara shook her head. “It just feels wrong. Why can’t she just stay here ]with her memories and train with the coven?”

“The coven thinks that if her memories are still accessible, the temptation of dark magic will prove too much for her and she’ll fall back into dangerous magic,” Giles said.

“But what do you think Giles?” Buffy asked. “You think she can do it, right?”

He nodded quietly. “I’ve learned never to bet against the things Willow will prove herself capable of,” he replied seriously, looking at the Slayer. “You yourself are proof of that.”

Buffy nodded with a sad smile. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

Giles hesitated before he spoke again. “I really think that the coven’s idea has merit though. Being free from the temptations and the memories of her mistakes will only help speed her recovery.”

“So you think we should do it?” Tara asked, looking up at him seriously.

He nodded slowly. “I do.”

She took a deep breath. “Let me think about it for a few days.”

Buffy squeezed her in a gentle hug. “Of course. I don’t think we should do anything unless we can all agree on it.” The others nodded their agreement, turning to watch the healer do her work in silence.

They managed to pull Tara away from Willow’s room to force her to eat but she was back in there right after they finished, sitting at her lover’s bedside in silence throughout the night. The coven gently forced her out the next morning when they came to continue their work on Willow, and Xander found her pacing in front of the door. He looped an arm through hers and pulled her outside with him.

“Ow,” she complained as her eyes watered in the sudden brightness, the first sun she had seen in two days. “Where are we going?” She put her free hand up to shade her eyes.

He shrugged. “We’re getting you out of that place. We’re going to take a walk and talk about this.”

She stayed quiet as they walked down the hill away from the coven’s home. Xander didn’t say anything else, content to wait for her to start talking. Finally, she couldn’t stand being alone with her thoughts and she stopped walking, forcing him to stop with her.

“She’s not going to know me, or you, or Buffy, or Giles. She’ll forget us.”

He nodded, grimacing. “Willow’s my best friend. I can’t imagine not having her look at me and smile that goofy little smile of hers. It breaks my heart to think that she won’t remember me.” He sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping. “But it kills me to think of her staying like she is now, or getting deeper in the dark magic.”

Tara nodded back, looking down at the grass beneath their feet. “Me too.” She looked up at him seriously. “I don’t know how to live without her. I was doing the best I could when I left the house, but I can’t stand it like this. Do you really think this is the best way to help her?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never really been up on all the magical stuff. But I trust Giles. If he says this is the best way to help her, then it is. The coven thinks this will be the fastest way too. And Giles thinks this is safer than some of the other plans they came up with. I think we should trust him.”

He looked her in the eye as he cleared his throat. “But as much as I trust Giles, even more than that, I trust how you feel about my best friend. If you think this plan will help, I’ll go along with it. Because I know that you love Will. You love her so much that, no matter what she did to hurt you, you’re still here with her, protecting her and taking care of her. You wouldn’t let anyone do anything to hurt her.”

Tara swallowed tears back thickly, nodding again. “I never would.”

He hugged her gently. “What do you think we should do?”

She shrugged with a sigh. “I don’t know yet.” His arms were still around her and she let herself lean against him, weary in a way she’d never been before.

“You should get some sleep,” he commented, one hand rubbing her back gently.

Tara shrugged again. “I think I dozed a little last night. I’m fine.”

Xander pulled back to look her in the face. “Buffy was right you know, we need you and Will healthy. She’s going to need your help.”

Tara cracked a tiny smile. “Thank God Willow never taught you the resolve face or I’d be asleep already.”

He grinned back at her, relieved to see her smile. “Well, I can try,” he offered, starting to attempt to duplicate the resolve face.

She stopped him quickly with a hand on his chest, her smile fading. “Please don’t. I just…”

He nodded, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her to lean her head against his chest. “I know. It’s just too much. Sorry.” He leaned his head against hers. “But soon she’ll be back to normal and giving us the resolve face like a pro,” he said confidently.

She breathed heavily against his shirt. “You promise?” she asked quietly, allowing herself a moment to hope that everything could turn out alright.

He nodded firmly. “Of course. It’s Willow. And it’s you. And it’s us.” He squeezed her gently. “Will would move heaven and earth to be with you Tara.”

Tara blinked back tears, keeping her face pressed to his shirt. “She doesn’t have to come back to me, I just need her to come back.”

“You do want her back though, right?” Xander asked gently.

Tara nodded against him. “I do. I’m trying not to expect anything though, it’s better for my sanity that way.”

He sighed, hugging her again. “Even without her memories, Willow will still know you Tara. You two are in each other’s souls.”

She sucked in a deep breath. “I guess we’ll see, won’t we?” she said, pulling back to look at him with a teary smile.

He nodded, leaning forward to hug her again. “It’s going to be okay. She’ll be okay.”

“I know.” She leaned against him again. “Thanks Xander.”

The coven took another two days to expel the majority of the dark magic from Willow’s unconscious body and Tara was at her bedside constantly except for the few short hours everyday when Buffy and Xander would force her to sleep. The redhead didn’t wake up, but was no longer hurt by physical contact and Tara kept a steady hold of her lover’s hand as she sat and watched over her.

They were alone before dawn on the eighth day since they’d arrived in England and Tara was reading a book quietly, the lampshade turned to keep the light off of Willow’s face. It was the first night that the coven had left Willow without sedating her. Tara looked up from her book at an unexpected noise from the bed to see Willow moving on her own for the first time in days.

“Willow?” Tara spoke as she put her book down and leaned forward. The redhead moved, turning towards her voice and Tara squeezed her hand gently. “I’m right here sweetie. Come back to me, please.” Her voice grew choked as tears came in a rush and she pressed gentle kisses to the back of Willow’s hand.

Willow’s eyes were moving under her eyelids, but didn’t open and Tara’s free hand brushed hair back from her face, surprised when Willow’s head pressed up into her touch, head turning to follow her hand.

“Will?” she questioned, surprised to see tears squeezing out of the redhead’s eyes in the dim light. “Wake up baby, please.”

Willow’s mouth opened a sliver and Tara’s breath left in a rush. At first there was just a gentle breath and the redhead inhaled deeply. “Tara, you have to…” Her voice faded until it was beyond hearing and she tried again. “Tara, you can’t…” Tara squeezed her hand, holding her breath so she wouldn’t miss anything.

“…please kill me.”

When the words came, they echoed in Tara’s ears and she gasped loudly, feeling the blood rush out of her face.

“You have to let them kill me,” Willow breathed again, turning her head away from Tara.

The blonde shook her head, knowing the other girl couldn’t see it. “Willow, no! I’d never let anyone kill you.” Her voice was at normal speaking volume and she felt the darkness of the room close in around her. “You’re not going to die sweetie.”

Suddenly Willow’s back arched and she choked, coughing. She started thrashing on the bed, red stains suddenly appearing on the sheets as she coughed up blood. Tara jumped to hold her arms down and the door burst open behind her a moment later, witches from the coven rushing in. They pushed her back and quickly strapped the coughing redhead to the bed. Buffy ran in a moment later, seeing Tara standing to the side with both hands covering her mouth, blood splattered across her arms and her shirt.

The Slayer pulled her back from the bed, eyeing the activity anxiously. “Tara, what happened? What’s wrong with her?”

“I don’t know,” the blonde sobbed behind her hands. “She told me to kill her.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “She told you? She woke up?”

Tara shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. She started moving and she responded when I touched her, but her eyes didn’t open at all and all she said was that I should let them kill her.” She took a shuddering breath. “And then she started coughing and thrashing around and there’s blood…” She turned her head to look at the bed. “She can’t die Buffy!”

The Slayer shook her head. “She’s not going to die Tara.” Even as she said it, she hoped she wasn’t a liar, watching the frantic commotion around the bed. She pulled the witch’s hands down, leading her gently out into the hallway. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and we’ll come right back.”

Tara looked down in surprise, shocked to see splatters of Willow’s blood across the front of her shirt and on her arms. She choked back a sob and Buffy slipped an arm across her shoulders. Xander skidded to a stop in front of them, staring at Tara in horror. Giles was right behind him and hesitated at the sight of the girls.

Buffy shook her head, nodding back toward Willow’s room. “Help them. She’s…I don’t know what’s happening, but get in there.”

Her Watcher nodded, rushing past them to join the coven. Xander’s gaze shifted to Buffy, his jaw dropping. “Come with us,” Buffy said, leading the way back to the room she’d been staying in. Tara had a bed in there also, but it was only used when the others forced her to rest. Buffy sat her gently at the edge of the bed and went to run a wash cloth through warm water. She gently wiped the blood away from her friend’s arms, sitting on the bed next to her. “Do you want to change your shirt?” she asked gently.

Tara blinked, looking down at her shirt before she nodded. Buffy got her a new one from her duffle bag and pushed her gently towards the bathroom to change. Buffy and Xander exchanged worried looks, but neither said anything until Tara returned, seating herself on the edge of the bed again.

“What happened?” Xander asked. “How’s Willow?”

Buffy looked up at him, a serious look on her face. “Coughing up blood.” She glanced at Tara. “She told Tara to kill her.”

His jaw dropped. “No way! Why would she say that?” Giles came in slowly before anyone could say anything and Tara and Buffy came to their feet.

“Giles?” Buffy asked, scared to put her fears into words.

He took his glasses off, cleaning them slowly, not meeting their eyes. “She’s alive, but not doing well. They’ve got her stabilized, at least.”

“What happened? I thought she was doing better?” Xander asked, frowning.

He sighed. “It was an attack.”

“Who did it?” Buffy asked, a dangerous anger in her voice.

He shook his head. “We don’t know yet. The coven think it is likely the result of the trace remnants of dark magic still within her. She went too far into the black magic for them to expel all of it.”

“Is she going to be okay?” Tara asked, trying to keep herself from collapsing. “Can we see her?”

Giles nodded. “You can see her.” He took a deep breath. “The coven have told me that this attack means we should decide on a treatment sooner rather than later. They’re likely to keep coming the longer we wait.”

Buffy and Xander nodded, both looking to Tara. She sighed, looking back at them for a long moment, putting both hands up. “I know, I know…I just don’t know.” She looked at Giles. “What caused the attack?”

“The dark magic she’s been using has left her body vulnerable to attacks like this. The coven is confident that once she’s conscious again the attacks will stop.”

Tara frowned. “So she wasn’t awake…”

“Wasn’t awake when?” Giles asked.

“She was talking to me, right before.” The witch felt tears coming again and swallowed them back. “She told me to kill her.”

He blinked, surprised, and shook his head. “It’s possible she was trying to tell you precisely that, but I doubt that she was really awake. The coven told me that the attack would have been impossible had she been conscious. Her magic would have repelled it.”

Tara sank back onto the bed, her knees suddenly weak. “Oh God, so she really does want to die.”

Buffy shook her head. “Tara, no. She’s not going to die, even if she thinks she wants to.” She crouched down to look the witch in the face. “She wants to come back to us. You believe that, right?” Tara blinked, finally nodding. Buffy smiled encouragingly. “Good, then what do you think we should do?”

The blonde witch sighed, dropping her head in defeat. “Do it.”

_________________
Ripples - Pretty Much Perfect and The Sequel to the Sequel, Who's That Girl?
Every Step That I Retrace/Always Leads Me Back to You/But I've Loved You All Along
Road to Recovery, The Call/The Lightning Strike, The Sun Will Rise


Last edited by leonhart17 on Sat Mar 20, 2010 7:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 10:32 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I really hope that the memory wipe and retraining works and that when Willow gets her memory back she doesn't get too angry towards Tara and the Scoobies for doing that... I truly hope that Willow will know Tara in her memory wiped state and recognize Tara as her soulmate...

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 11:49 am 
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2. Floating Rose
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Great googly woogly! This update had me a shaking!! Good shaking though :D more!! :D thankyou :D

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Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard. You can't ever ... put them back the way they were.
Are you okay?
I'm sorry, it's just ... You know, it takes time. You can't just ... have coffee and expect-
I know.
There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides ... You have to learn if ... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. It's a long... important process, and ... can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now?


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 5:12 pm 
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This is so sad.
It must be hard for Tara to see Willow in such a sad situation like this.
I hope the coven will be able to help Willow before anything really dangerous happens.
Please, more!

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"She's got her ticket, I think she's gonna use it
Think she's going to fly away..."


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 7:02 pm 
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2. Floating Rose
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Thanks for the early update. wow this story is one of the best i have ever read. great start i can't wait to read more. awesome.

_________________
BUFFY: Maybe it's time to start a new tradition. Birthdays without boyfriends. It could be just as much fun.

WILLOW: Preaching to the choir here, baby. (smiles at Tara)

I'm just a Tara searching for my Willow ~me


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 7:40 pm 
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3. Flaming O

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Great update. I feel so sorry for Tara having to see Willow like that, and Willow wanting to die... wow. I loved the conversation with Tara and Xander, something you dont see in the show, and its good to see everyone coming to together. Can't wait for the next update.


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 8:24 pm 
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Ms. Moderator Fantastico
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This is very deep and I can tell now its going to be a hard story to tell. I am glad to be going on this journey with you. I have a feeling I will need a seat belt with this one. more soon please. Dia :paranoid

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:02 am 
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Zampsa1975:Thanks for the comment - I don't want to say too much because I don't want to give away what's going to happen, but thanks for reading!

Ilovewillow: Well as long as it was good shaking :) Thanks for reading and commenting!

abarda: It is sad... Hope you like the new chapter! I'm glad you're reading!

willowlily: Thank my dad - it was his birthday :) Thanks so much for the high praise - I hope I can keep it up!

ScottishAsh: I'm glad you liked it... I wish they had shown more of Xander and Tara interacting - they are arguably two of the most important people in Willow's life, and two that she cares the most for... thanks so much for reading!

Willowtree252: I hope it won't be too rough for everyone who's reading... Hope you'll stick with me. :)


Chapter 3 of 11

The coven worked quietly while the others watched them from against the wall. Tara was staring at the bed, motionless, while Xander was pacing. Buffy and Giles both had their arms crossed and were leaning against the wall. It took them an hour to step back from the bed, one of the older women walking over to speak with them.

They all looked at the bed in surprise when Willow coughed suddenly. The old woman had only just leaned over Willow before she was calling over her shoulder for the rest of the coven. "Quickly, she's going to…" Her words were cut off as Willow started to spasm violently on the bed. The witches pushed the Scoobies back quickly, working rapidly. Buffy pulled Tara back from the bed as the blonde fought to get to her lover's side.

"Tara! Let them work. We have to let them help her," the Slayer pleaded with her as she pulled the distraught girl away from the bed.

Willow was choking and coughing and Xander pulled Tara around to bury her face in his shirt as they all saw blood fly from the redhead's mouth. They could all hear Willow's hoarse voice as she started screaming.

"KILL ME! TARA! PLEASE!"

Tara fought to get back to her and Xander lost his grip on her and Buffy had to jump forward to pull her back. The Slayer wrapped the struggling witch tightly in a hug and lifted her off her feet, walking them into the hallway.

"Tara, you have to let them help her! We have to stay out here and let them save her," Buffy pleaded with her. She felt Tara's body relax after another minute of struggling and she put her down quickly. The witch was sobbing and Buffy pulled her to lean against her own shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Tara shook her head, crying too hard to speak. Buffy hugged her tighter, swallowing her own worry and fear. After a few minutes Tara's shaking stopped and Buffy steadied her on her feet. "You want to go back in there, or do you want to take a walk?" she asked quietly.

"I have to go back," Tara breathed, looking at the door of the room.

Buffy nodded and slid an arm around the witch's shoulder and led her back into the room. They were both horrified by the amount of blood they could see. Tara couldn't stop herself from gagging, turning away abruptly, one hand coming up to cover her mouth.

"We'll go back out," Buffy said, starting to pull her back to the door. Tara shook her head, straightening up slowly. "You sure?" the Slayer asked uncertainly. The witch nodded, staring at the bed.

When the coven finally finished and backed away from the bed, the Scoobies moved back in. Willow had been strapped to the bed again, but seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Tara couldn't stop herself from leaning over to press gentle kisses across the unconscious girl's face. Buffy watched her sadly with her arms crossed.

"What the hell was that Giles? I thought they weren't going to hurt her," Buffy said, her anxiety making her lash out.

He sighed heavily, cleaning his glasses. "I don't know. It looked to be another attack."

"I thought they were going to stop the attacks," Xander protested.

"I expect it didn't work the way they had anticipated," the Watcher lamented. "Or else the spell went wrong somehow." He looked at Tara. "They need to try again."

She immediately shook her head. "No. No way. You saw what happened to her. They almost killed her!"

"The spell didn't work because of the attack, not through any fault of the coven. If I had to guess, I would say that the spell wasn't completed," Giles said.

"How do we know it won't just happen again?" Buffy asked. "She can't go through that again." It was unclear which of the two witches she was referring to, but her anxiety was obvious.

Giles shook his head. "I'll speak to the coven, but we may have no other choice."

Tara didn't respond, gently touching Willow's sleeping face. The coven had cleaned the blood off of her and if they hadn't seen it themselves they wouldn't have known she had ever been attacked, but she was very pale, her freckles standing out. Giles waited a moment before stepping out of the room, leaving the friends alone.

He came back in a short time later, a serious look on his face. Buffy noted his expression and gently touched Tara on the shoulder to get her attention.

"There's nothing they can do," he started and the three in front of him looked like they were going to be sick and he quickly clarified. "There's nothing they can do, no alternatives, I mean. They must finish the spell they started or the attacks will only get worse."

Tara still didn't speak, just looked at Willow steadily. Buffy looked between the witch and her Watcher. "Is it going to happen again?"

He sighed heavily. "They assure me it won't if they can get the spell finished before she has another attack." Tara looked up at him quickly, shaking her head. "However, her body must recover before they can make another attempt. She'll be kept sedated until then and they'll cast the spell again in two days. In the meantime, the healers will come back in and check on her to make sure she's healing well."

Everyone was surprised when Tara pushed herself back from the bed quickly, walking briskly toward the door, the first time she'd left Willow's side willingly since they'd arrived. "If they have to do it again, I've got two days to find a way to block any attacks. I'll be in the library. Buffy, can you watch her?" She spoke quickly, only briefly hesitating in the doorway for a look back at Willow.

"I'll stay with her. Don't worry," the Slayer assured her.

The witch stared at her unconscious lover for a long moment before she left. The others exchanged looks in silence. Giles shifted his weight back and forth between his feet.

Finally, he pointed over his shoulder towards the door. "If you two are alright to watch over Willow, I feel I'll be of more use helping Tara."

The other two nodded silently, staring at each other as the older man left them alone with their best friend. Xander looked away first, dropping his eyes to look at Willow. "It's going to work," he said quietly, but both of them could hear the doubt hidden in his voice.

The night before the coven was coming back to work their spell again Tara shifted her studies to Willow's room, unwilling to be apart from her any longer. She sent a weary Buffy and Xander back to their rooms, promising to wake them if there was any change. She had the lampshade turned so the light didn't hit the unconscious girl's face, and was reading when she heard Willow's voice in her head. The surprise caused her to jump, her book falling from her lap to the floor.

"Tara." The blonde leaned forward to look at Willow carefully, but the girl hadn't moved and Tara picked up her book, muttering to herself about wishful thinking.

"Tara, no." The book dropped from her suddenly nerveless fingers.

"Willow? It's you! How?"

"I don't have time to explain how. I can only get out from under the sedation for a few minutes. I've been trying to reach you since they sedated me again." Tears were streaming down Tara's face and she leaned forward to press a kiss on her lover's unconscious mouth. "I felt that baby," Willow's voice promised her quietly, pausing for a long moment. "It has to be goodbye Tara." Tara shook her head immediately.

"No, I won't - I can't say goodbye to you Willow. Not like this," Tara objected, squeezing Willow's hand tightly.

"Tara, I can't go on like this. The magic, it's too strong and I can't…I can't fight it. I'm losing baby."

"Willow, you can do this. I know you can. You have to!" Tears were running down her face and her heart was pounding.

"I can't…not anymore. It's too strong. I can't beat it."

"We're here to help you. Me, and Buffy, and Xander, and Giles. We're all here with you. Please just keep fighting. Baby please," Tara pleaded, her voice cracking.

"You have to let me go Tara," Willow said, her own despair obvious in her voice. "It hurts so much."

"The coven…tomorrow they're going to block your memories - everything you know about magic. They're hoping giving you a blank slate will give you a chance to start over. Once you're awake, your magic will block the attacks. Will it help? Please Willow, I'll do anything - anything you say, but I can't lose you. Tell me what to do," Tara begged her.

There was a long moment of silence and Tara sobbed bitterly. She choked them back as best she could when she heard Willow's voice take an unnecessary sigh. "Willow? You're still with me? I thought you were gone."

"It might help," Willow acceded. "Oh God baby. Please don't cry over me - I can't take it when you cry. I wish I could touch you Tara. I'm so, so sorry for what I did. Please, I know I don't deserve it, but is there any way you can forgive me?" Willow asked, her voice broken.

Tara nodded unnecessarily. "Willow, yes. I need you. You can't give up. Please, baby. I need you to come back. I love you so much." Her sobs intensified, her voice quick and frantic. "I love you Willow. Don't leave me."

"Tara, I'm out of time, but please…I love you baby. More than you'll ever know. Please don't ever forget it, no matter what happens," Willow said quickly, her voice fading rapidly.

"Willow, no! Stay with me," Tara pleaded, her tears choking her.

"I love you Tara." Her voice faded out at the last sound of her lover's name and Tara curled herself into her chair, her face pressed against her knees as she cried.

*****

The coven had forced them all to wait in the hall while they performed the memory blocking spell on Willow. Tara and Giles had done everything they could to keep Willow safe from any more attacks of dark magic, but both were pacing the corridor anxiously. Buffy and Xander were no better, alternating standing and sitting on the floor, unable to sit still or get comfortable.

Finally, the women left, smiling at the anxious friends. "It's done. She'll be a little fuzzy when she first wakes up, but just be slow with her and she'll pick up more gradually. She won't remember anything about magic, not even its existence." She looked at Buffy. "She also will have no knowledge of Slayers, or vampires, or demons."

Buffy nodded. "Should we tell her?"

The witch shook her head. "I wouldn't. Any really big revelations will only distract her from our goal here." She paused heavily, looking at Tara next. "I'm afraid that means that we're going to have to ask you not to let her know that you have feelings for her."

Everyone's jaws dropped simultaneously. "So, not only will she not know me, I can't tell her that I love her?" Tara asked, dismayed.

"How would you feel if you woke up, couldn't remember anything, and then immediately meet someone who claims to be in love with you that you don't know from Adam?" the well meaning witch asked her kindly.

"Willow won't remember Adam," Xander commented, eyes dropping to his shoes as Buffy glared at him and the coven witch looked at him strangely.

"I wouldn't just dump something like that on her," Tara objected, frowning.

The other witch shook her head. "I've seen how you are with her, I know you wouldn't do anything to scare her or hurt her. But the fact remains that she won't remember you. However, the four of you are very precious to her. We can't take those feelings from her. She won't understand where the feelings are coming from, or why, but she will experience them. To find out that her feelings for you, in particular, are returned, will only distract her," she explained, indicating Tara.

"So she'll trust us?" Giles asked. "Without knowing us?"

The old woman nodded. "It's possible. There's no way to know for sure how strong the remnants will be until she wakes up." She sighed heavily. "Just be careful," she pleaded, meeting each of their eyes before she moved down the hall away from them.

They went into Willow's room quietly. She was sleeping peacefully for the first time since they'd arrived. There was no sedation and Tara immediately took her hand gently. She looked up from looking Willow over carefully as Giles cleared his throat.

"I know you don't want to, but in the event that Willow were to wake up, perhaps you holding her hand isn't the best idea," he said, knowing as he spoke that Tara wouldn't like it. Sure enough, the blonde witch shot him a frustrated glare as she squeezed Willow's hand, defiantly leaning over to press a kiss against her lover's forehead.

"This is ridiculous," she complained as she stepped back, crossing her arms over her chest.

He nodded sympathetically. "I know it's going to be difficult, but you do see why it's necessary, don't you?"

She sighed, turning her head to look at him. "I do. Sorry Giles." He waved her apology away, smiling gently at her. "I don't know if I can do this," she said quietly, looking back at the sleeping girl in the bed. "Maybe it would be easier for her if I just went home."

Willow stirred in her sleep, making a whimpering noise, and Buffy caught Tara's hand as she reached out to soothe the redhead automatically. The Slayer sighed heavily. "Come into the hall Tara. She can't hear this. We need to talk in private."

Tara let the Slayer pull her by the hand into the hallway, Giles and Xander following silently behind them. Giles pulled the door closed and Tara leaned back against the wall beside it, her eyes sliding closed as anxiety threatened to overwhelm her.

"Do you want to leave? Really?" Xander asked, breaking the silence.

Tara shook her head, looking up at him. "No Xander. I just…I love Willow so much, and that girl in there is the farthest that Willow has ever been from me. Even when she wasn't sure how she felt about me, we were still friends. But this Willow…she won't know me. She won't remember anything about me, and I'll have to stand there and smile and I'll remember everything, feel everything…and I can't talk to her about it, can't show her how I feel…"

Buffy nodded, smiling sadly. "I can't imagine how hard that will be for you, but do you really think it will be easier for her to wake up and stay here alone?" Giles cleared his throat and Buffy nodded at him. "I mean alone with Giles." She looked Tara in the eye. "Willow's going to need you Tara. You can do this. I know that you'll do anything for her." Tara nodded wordlessly. "She needs you to do this for her. Xander and I can't help her with magic stuff. Willow needs you Tara. It's going to be really difficult, for both of you, but you can do it."

Tara sighed, pressing a hand against her eyes. "I can't leave her. Not again. I don't want to, really I don't. I just don't know what to do to help her."

"We know Tara," Xander spoke quietly. "None of us know what to expect when she wakes up. We just have to remember that she's Willow, or she will be. She'll come back to us. That's what this is all about."

Tara nodded, head snapping around to look at the door as she heard Willow's voice dimly. She sent a panicked glance to the others, pushing herself off of the wall, one hand already on the doorknob. They all nodded to her, knowing that she needed to go to Willow.

Tara rushed into the room, leaning over the bed, meeting Willow's green eyes as the girl looked around, obviously confused. "Wil…" She stopped herself with an effort. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Willow was awake. Awake and not screaming for death. Tara could hear her own heartbeat in her ears, relief flooding her. She saw Willow pulling against the straps holding her arms down and turned to the door quickly.

"Giles, get someone in here now to get her out of these things," Tara said, her voice raising. He nodded to her, giving her a sympathetic glance. She looked back at Willow, looking at her carefully, trying not to let herself stare. "You've been out for a few days. I'll get you some water."

She forced herself away from the bed, looking over her shoulder as she walked away, getting the water quickly, not wanting to be gone from Willow's side for long. As she got back she could see the relief in her love's face and had to force herself not to smile, trying to squash her hopes. This wasn't about getting back together with Willow, she reminded herself sternly. This was about getting Willow back to herself. Anything that might happen between them would have to wait until Willow was fully restored, memories as well as magic.

She triggered the remote to sit Willow's bed into an upright position so she wasn't just lying flat on her back and she stopped it at Willow's nod, offering her the water glass. The redhead drank the water thirstily and Tara had to force back a smile as she saw how bright her lover's eyes looked, how much brighter the entire world seemed now that Willow was back among the conscious.

"More?" she asked as Willow swallowed the last of her drink and Willow nodded, hair dropping into her face as she did so. Tara's fingers immediately itched to brush it back, but she forced herself to go to the sink and refill the water glass. She could see the frustration written on her beloved's face when she returned to the bed and couldn't stop herself from reaching out, hesitating right before she touched Willow's face. "Can I?" she asked, unused to having to ask permission to touch her lover. Willow nodded and Tara's fingers slipped into her hair, pushing the stray pieces back behind her ear, thriving on the feel of Willow's cheek under her hand. She felt the familiar energy that always crackled between them and let her eyes slip closed, dimly hearing Willow take a surprised breath.

It was the same every time they touched. There was a rush that passed through both of them and Tara's knees felt weak as she felt the sensation for the first time in weeks. Her eyes snapped open as she heard Willow's voice. "Are you okay?"

Tara nodded, swallowing back the tears she could feel looming behind her eyes. "Yes, I'm okay. I'm sorry." She could see the questions that she knew were swarming her love's mind and put the glass up to stop them from coming. "Drink," she said, looking over at the door as Giles and the old woman came in. The witch shot her a pitying look as she moved across the room to undo Willow's restraints.

Giles watched her for a moment and she could practically feel the sympathy radiating from him. "Can we talk to you outside?" he asked, his eyes moving to Willow. It was obvious that he was trying to give Tara the moment she so clearly needed.

Tara stepped back as the witch came around to undo Willow's other arm, but kept her eyes locked on Willow, her heart beating faster as she noticed Willow leaning her head to keep her green eyes on Tara. She moved back to the bedside immediately as the coven witch left and had to keep herself from tracing the marks left on Willow's arms by the straps.

"I need to step outside and talk to some people for a second. Will you be okay in here? I won't be gone long, I promise," Tara said, her heart clenching at the thought of leaving her lover here alone with no memory, even for a few moments.

Willow looked between Tara and Giles, unsure. "Okay," she said doubtfully. "Just for a few minutes?"

Tara could feel tears coming again and she nodded quickly. "I promise." She saw Willow nod and she held her breath as she turned away from the bed, her eyes closing as soon as she knew Willow wouldn't see. She met Giles' gaze as she opened them, seeing the pity on his face. She joined him at the door but was unable to leave without one look over her shoulder. Willow was staring back at her and her heart skipped a beat, finally breaking as she heard Willow's voice again.

"What's your name?'

Tara felt the tears spill this time, unable to stop them. "It's Tara," she breathed, unsure if her voice was loud enough for Willow to hear her, but unable to muster anything more.

The door closed behind her and she collapsed against it, sliding to the floor and pulling her knees up to her chest, sobs coming before she could stop them. Buffy and Xander dropped to the floor on either side of her, each putting a supportive hand on her shaking shoulders without saying anything. She struggled to calm herself down, not wanting to be gone from Willow for very long. She choked her tears back, wiping her eyes.

She knew they were doing this to help Willow, but the reality of facing a lover who had no memory of her was something she was unprepared for. She could see that something in her was reaching something in Willow, but the girl in the bed had no knowledge of how deep their connection was, of how much she was truly missing.

Tara took a deep breath, looking up at Buffy. "Will she be able to tell I've been crying?"

Buffy bit her lip, shaking her head. "You should be fine. Just don't get too close."

Tara rolled her eyes bitterly. "Yeah, I remember that rule," she said as Giles extended a hand to help her to her feet. She forced a smile to make sure he knew that her frustration wasn't directed at him and he nodded knowingly. Tara squared her shoulders, glancing at Buffy and Xander as they stood up. "You guys ready to meet your best friend?"

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Ripples - Pretty Much Perfect and The Sequel to the Sequel, Who's That Girl?
Every Step That I Retrace/Always Leads Me Back to You/But I've Loved You All Along
Road to Recovery, The Call/The Lightning Strike, The Sun Will Rise


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:15 am 
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Yay for good update-y goodness... I hope Willow very soon realizes that she has some interesting feelings towards Tara...

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 8:44 am 
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My heart is breaking for them. I know we are in for a rough ride but I am sooo on board for this. I trust you to lead the way. Looking forward for more soon. Dia :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:41 am 
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awesome! i can't wait to see how Willow progresses and how Tara copes, can't wait for the next update !

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:11 pm 
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I just found this fic and am liking it very much! Good back story and fill-in as to what happened to Willow. Although the last chapter was very heart wrenching. Especially for poor Tara. How difficult it must be not to grab Willow's hand or touch her face...
Great start and look forward to where the story will go!
-anna


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 12:41 am 
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This story is so sad... I felt my heart break for Tara, I imagine it must be very hard. But the connection they have is still there, though the memories are gone... That should give Willow a clue to who Tara really is.

Looking forward to more! :peace

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 12:43 am 
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Interesting twist to the Willow/Tara story line. Looking forward to reading more soon.


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:04 am 
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ARGHH! Nooo, you had me on the egde of ma seat! MOOORRREEE PLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSE!!!!!!!!!!!! :pray

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There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides ... You have to learn if ... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. It's a long... important process, and ... can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now?


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:52 am 
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I'm so sad for Tara. It might be very dificult for her, to see Willow, remember everything they have been through and know that Willow doesn't remember her. And, even worst, to know that she can't tell Willow what she feels.
I loved when the sedated Willow "talked" to Tara. It's better that she agreed to have her memories blocked. I think that if it hadn't happened, Tara would feel guilty about letting the coven block Will's memories.
Please, more! :peace

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
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OMG. I cant' get enough of this story. Poor Tara I cannot even begin to imagine how she is feeling. I hope Willow realizes quickly how much tara loves her. I don't know if I can take it much longer. Can't wait for the next update. :) Keep writing.

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2010 6:34 am 
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Zampsa1975: It gets interesting pretty fast, I think :) Thanks for the comment!

Willowtree252: Aww, well I'm glad you trust me :) Hope you enjoy the new chapter!

tarawillow<3: I hope you enjoy the new chapter! Thanks for reading and commenting!

irishgrl3: Glad you've joined us :) I'm glad you like it - in spite of how mean I'm being to them... Thanks for the comment!

Mrs. Pineapple: I know, it's very sad... I promise it gets better though! :) Hope you enjoy the update!

love_2003: Glad you think so - hope you like the new chapter!

Ilovewillow: Aww I'm sorry - new one's early - hope you like it!

abarda: Yeah, I know I'm being horrible to both of them, but I promise that it gets better! Thanks for reading and commenting :) Hope you enjoy the update!

willowlily: I'm glad you're liking it :) It gets better soon - hope you enjoy the update!


Early update because I'm going to be busy all day tomorrow - enjoy :)

Chapter 4 of 11

True to her word, the blonde girl was back in a few minutes with another blonde girl and a dark haired young man. The girl in the bed studied them all for a long moment, starting to feel frustrated by her inability to recognize anyone.

"Tara?" she said, looking up at her as the blonde moved back to her bedside, the other two lingering near the door.

Tara nodded, smiling gently at her. "That's right. I'm back." She gestured behind her. "This is Buffy and Xander, they've come to visit you."

The redhead looked over at them, waving them closer with a smile. "I don't bite," she said encouragingly. "I don't know who anyone is, and I don't know my own name, but I don't bite."

"You're Willow," the boy called Xander said, smiling despite himself.

"Willow?" she questioned. "That's a funny name."

"Willow Rosenberg," Buffy said, glancing at Tara as she supplied the rest of her name.

The redhead nodded, sitting up straighter in her bed. "Okay, so I'm Willow, and this is Tara, and you're Buffy and Xander." She looked at Tara. "Was the British man Giles? I heard you call someone Giles."

She nodded, smiling. "Yes, that's Giles. He'll be in soon, I'm sure. I know you're confused, but we're your friends."

Willow nodded. "I think I knew that. I don't recognize any of you, but I trust you all for some reason." She glanced shyly up at the blonde, smiling tentatively. "We're friends?"

Buffy and Xander moved up on the other side of the bed. "Best friends Will," Xander said. "Er…we call you Will. And we're best friends. All of us."

Willow smiled at him, studying him for a long moment. "Xander," she said, trying the name out. "We all have such funny names." She giggled. "Buffy."

The Slayer rolled her eyes good naturedly. "Yeah, yeah, everybody rag on Buffy. My mom wasn't always a straight laced art dealer, okay?"

Willow grinned at her before turning her head to look up at Tara. "Tara. It's a pretty name."

The blonde blushed, ducking her head so that a curtain of hair fell over her face. Willow reached up and pushed it back without thinking about it. "Don't let it cover your face. I don't like it when you hide like that."

Tara's breath left in a rush and Buffy exchanged a worried glance with Xander. Tara forced herself to smile normally after a moment and Willow looked between the three of them. "Did I say the wrong thing? Are we not that close? I'm sorry. I'm still pretty out of it. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Tara shook her head quickly. "No, it's fine. You didn't do anything wrong."

Willow still looked doubtful. "Are you sure? I don't want to say anything that'll make you stop coming around." She smiled, one hand reaching over to touch Tara's hand. "You make me feel safe. I like having you around." She stopped, blushing. "I just did it again. I keep saying things. I'm sorry."

Tara just shook her head again. "No, sweetie, it's fine." She took a deep breath. "You don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing to me."

"Sweetie?" Willow questioned. "So we are close…were close?"

Tara nodded slowly, mentally berating herself for the slip. "We are."

Buffy cleared her throat, shooting a warning glance to the blonde witch. "Tara's really a sweetheart herself, Will. You'll like spending time with her."

The coven had given them strict directions on what was acceptable to fill the confused girl in on and they had decided that hearing about her relationship with Tara might distract from her magical training. For now, it was better for her not to know and the thought made Tara's stomach churn. How could Willow not know what they meant to each other?

The redhead turned to look at the Slayer. "So are you guys not going to be around?"

Buffy shook her head. "Not for a while. We've got to go home for a little bit. But we'll be back in a week or so to stay with you."

Willow looked over at Tara. "But you're staying, right?"

The blonde nodded firmly. "Yes Will, I'm not leaving."

She took a deep breath. "Okay, so tell me about us. Where's home?"

"Sunnydale, California. Me and you grew up there," Xander answered, grinning. "We met on the first day of kindergarten. You broke the yellow crayon and we've been best friends ever since."

"And we met sophomore year of high school," Buffy added. "Cordelia was being a jerk and we just bonded."

"Cordelia? I remember her. Tall, dark hair, cheerleader, right?"

They exchanged looks before Buffy nodded. "You got it." She elbowed Xander playfully. "She used to date Xander here. She lives in L.A. now, working with a friend of ours."

Willow frowned thoughtfully. "So how come I don't remember that, but I remember everything else about her? How come I only forgot you guys…and myself? What's going on? Where am I?"

"You're in England. You're with friends." Tara bent down so that she was at eye level with Willow. "You trust us right? You know that we're your friends?"

Willow nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know that I trust you, I just don't understand what's going on." Her frustration was obvious in her voice. "Someone, please just tell me what's happening."

Tara exchanged a long look with the other two, nodding. "You're a witch."

Willow's green eyes widened. "I'm a what? Is that some kind of joke?"

"You're a witch," Tara repeated.

Willow just sat there for a long moment. "Okay. So why am I here?" she asked. "And don't think I didn't notice you guys skipping over the memory loss question."

"We can't tell you everything Will," Xander said regretfully.

Willow frowned. "So what can you tell me?"

He grinned. "Anything that doesn't relate to magic," he said cheerfully. "You should be able to remember more gradually."

Willow glanced between the three friends she couldn't remember. "So maybe I just shouldn't ask questions. You guys might give something away."

Buffy grinned. "Are you sure you don't remember us?" she asked teasingly. "Well, me and Xander anyways. Tara's much more clever than we are."

Willow smiled up at Tara before shifting her gaze to Buffy. "I didn't mean to insult you or anything Buffy," she apologized.

Xander shook his head with a laugh. "It's no insult. We know how smart you are. You're likely to figure us out even if we don't slip up and give anything away."

She grinned at him. "Okay, then what do I need to know?"

Buffy grinned at her best friend, gratified to see her smiling after such a long time of them being too stressed to even consider relaxing. "Well, I'd say, first and foremost, you need to know that we're your best friends and we love you."

Willow nodded, smiling around at them, her eyes lingering on Tara. "I don't remember all the details, but I can feel the feelings. The longer I'm with you, the stronger they're coming back to me."

The others glanced at each other in surprise, Tara's jaw dropping. "What do you feel?" she asked cautiously, forcing herself not to let her hopes rise too high.

Willow noticed the sudden tension and looked at each of them carefully. "I said the wrong thing again, didn't I? I don't get it, am I not supposed to feel anything for you?"

"We're not sure ourselves," Buffy said carefully. "The blocks on your memories are supposed to allow you to train with the coven without distraction."

"And my feelings are a distraction?" Willow asked, frowning thoughtfully.

Tara touched her hand gently, shaking her head. "No, of course not Willow. We just don't want to make things harder for you, that's all."

The redhead smiled up at her. "Well, I do feel…close to all of you." Her voice was cautious, not wanting to stress these people out any more than they obviously were. "Is that okay to say?"

Tara smiled. "Of course. We are very close." She met Buffy's eyes across the bed and the Slayer shot her a sympathetic look. "All of us," she stressed, giving Buffy a strangled smile.

Willow watched the exchange curiously, but didn't say anything about it. "So I'm here to train with magic?" she asked, trying to get back on topic.

Tara blinked, looking back down at her lover. "Yeah, that's why you're here."

"And you're a witch too?"

Tara nodded slowly, frowning in confusion. "How did you know that?"

Willow shrugged. "They said they were going home, but you were staying. I just assumed."

Xander laughed, pointing a finger at Willow triumphantly. "Told you! She's too smart to ask questions."

Buffy elbowed him, smiling sweetly at him. "And while it's true that Xander and I have zero skills with the magic stuff, we don't want to leave you. I have to get home to check on my sister Dawn. She's fifteen and cannot be trusted home alone. She told me to tell you that she misses you, by the way." Willow frowned thoughtfully. "Oh, you live with us. I probably should have mentioned that."

"I live with you?"

Buffy nodded quickly. "Yep. You, me, Dawn, and Tara. You moved in after my mom passed away."

"I remember your mom, but I don't remember her dying," Willow said quietly. "I'm sorry she died. How did it happen?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "Brain aneurism. She had a tumor and the aneurism happened after the surgery." She smiled sadly. "I'm glad you remember her. She really loved you."

Willow reached over to touch her hand gently. "I'm sorry Buffy. Of course you have to go be with your sister. Will I see you again?"

"Oh yeah, of course! We're only going to be gone for a week, tops. Xander needs to check in with his job and I have to check on Dawnie and make sure she hasn't burnt our house down or something, and then we'll be back." She grinned. "I'm sure you'll be completely up and running by the time we get back."

"When do you have to leave?" Willow asked, realizing that she was going to miss these people, unfamiliar as they were.

"Oh, we're not leaving for a few days. There's no way we'd leave you the first day you woke up," Xander said quickly.

Willow yawned as she nodded. "Good, I'm glad."

Buffy smiled at her. "We should let you get some sleep. It's pretty late."

The redhead looked around the room, noticing the darkness outside the window for the first time. "Thanks. You wouldn't think I'd be tired after being unconscious, but I'm beat."

Buffy grinned. "I know the feeling," she commented. "So we'll see you in the morning?"

"Sure thing. I'll be here, I guess." She smiled up at her friends. "Good night," she said, yawning widely.

Buffy and Xander each hugged her gently. "I'm glad you're awake," Xander said as he pulled back.

"Thanks," Willow said, smiling back at him.

Tara lingered near the bed, and Buffy turned back to look at her from Willow's doorway. "Tara? You coming?"

The blonde witch nodded. "I'll be there in a second."

Buffy smiled in understanding. "Okay, just don't take too long, okay?"

Tara smiled back at her. "I'll be in in a few minutes, I promise."

The Slayer nodded, turning back to Xander. "Let's go," she murmured, exchanging a grin with him while she led him from the room and shut the door behind her.

After a long moment of silence Willow spoke cautiously. "Tara? Is something wrong?"

The blonde shook her head. "No, not at all. I'm just really happy that you're awake, that's all."

Willow smiled. "Good. I don't want you to be sad."

Tara smiled. "I'm not sad, I promise." Willow yawned again and Tara spoke up quickly. "I'm keeping you awake, I'm sorry." She glanced at the door. "And Buffy's going to come looking for me if I'm not out of here soon," she commented with a smile.

The redhead couldn't stop an instant feeling of jealousy. It didn't surprise her that the gentle, caring, gorgeous woman had someone. A person would have to be a complete fool not to realize how great the woman at her bedside was.

Willow looked up at her carefully. "Are you and she…? I mean…are you two together?" She had to work to keep her expression under control, not willing to show how much the answer was going to affect her.

Tara's blue eyes widened instantly, shaking her head rapidly. "Oh God, no! No! Buffy and I are just friends! That's it."

Willow couldn't stop her sigh of relief. "Oh, okay. So you're single?" She looked up at the beautiful blonde and was surprised to see tears in her eyes. "Oh no, not again. I'm so sorry Tara. I keep saying stuff that upsets you."

Tara shook her head, wiping the tears away with one hand. "It's not you, it's me, I swear."

Willow pouted. "I wish I knew what I'm saying that keeps upsetting you. I wouldn't say it."

"I know sweetheart." She smiled through her tears. "You just keep being yourself, and I'll get this under control, okay? You don't need to worry about me."

Willow felt a sudden thrill race down her spine as Tara called her sweetheart. She couldn't remember this girl, but there was clearly something inside of her that recognized her.

"If you're sure," Willow said slowly, unwilling to let the issue drop, but nervous about asking too many questions.

Tara nodded, smiling at her. "Thank you. I'll let you get some sleep now."

Willow smiled back, relieved to see her smile. "I'll see you in the morning, right?"

"Of course you will. I'll be here first thing when you wake up," Tara promised, moving reluctantly to the door. "Sleep well." She turned the light out as she shut the door gently behind her.

Buffy was waiting for her when she got back to their room, propped up in her own bed with the lights on. "How'd it go?" she asked, trying to keep her excitement under control until Tara gave some sign if it had gone well or not.

Tara could stop a wide smile from spreading across her face. "I'm so happy she's awake Buffy. It's been so hard to watch her sleep and wonder if it was going to work this time." She jumped onto her own bed, hugging her pillow tightly and laughing.

Buffy grinned at her in relief. "There's a sound I haven't heard in a long time," she commented. "So it went well?"

Tara nodded with a smile. "I cried and she got scared that she was freaking me out again, but it went well otherwise."

"What made you cry?" Buffy asked carefully, instantly sympathetic.

Tara's smile turned teary. "Well, first she asked if you and I were together." She paused for Buffy's laughter, watching the Slayer's glee quietly.

The Slayer held a hand up, laughing helplessly. "I promise, this isn't about you. I mean, you're great Tara, but…" She giggled. "You belong with Willow. The idea of either of you being with anyone else is just ridiculous."

Tara shook her head at her friend's antics. "Well, thanks for that encouragement, but I can't tell her that I'm completely in love with her. The coven thinks it'll be a distraction for her to know, remember?"

Buffy's smile turned sad. "I know. I'm sorry Tara. So what did you tell her about us?"

Tara sighed. "As much as I like you Buffy, I told her that we were just friends. Then she asked if I was single."

Buffy took a deep breath. "What did you say?"

"Nothing. She noticed me tearing up and apologized for upsetting me and I left. I didn't know what to say. I mean, technically I am, but not really. I mean, there won't be anyone but her, ever. But I can't tell her that."

"You did the best you could. I'm sorry this is so rough for you," Buffy apologized, sitting up in her bed.

Tara smiled weakly at her. "It's okay. I'll get used to it. It'll just take time."

Buffy nodded, smiling back at her. "There is some good that came from your inadvertent almost-slip up," she said encouragingly.

Tara arched an eyebrow. "And what's that?"

Buffy grinned widely. "Even without her memories, Willow likes you."

Tara squeezed her pillow tighter, trying to push the hopeful feeling to the background. "You think so?"

The Slayer nodded happily. "Oh yeah. She barely took her eyes off of you. And asking about you and me? She was totally jealous!" She laughed, grinning at her friend. "She's completely into you, don't even worry about it."

Tara sighed, rolling onto her back. "You know I will."

Buffy nodded, smiling even though the other girl couldn't see it. "I know you will. Trust me though, you have no reason to, none at all." Tara turned her head to meet Buffy's gaze. "Believe me, she loves you, even if she doesn't understand exactly what she's feeling."

Tara smiled gently. "But Buffy, that's not her. Not really. She doesn't know me."

"She doesn't remember you," the Slayer corrected her. "Something in her knows you though. I can tell," she said seriously.

Tara hugged her pillow again. "I hope so."

_________________
Ripples - Pretty Much Perfect and The Sequel to the Sequel, Who's That Girl?
Every Step That I Retrace/Always Leads Me Back to You/But I've Loved You All Along
Road to Recovery, The Call/The Lightning Strike, The Sun Will Rise


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2010 7:12 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Big yay for Willow instantly knowing that she really likes Tara... I kinda hope that when Willow trains with Tara, Tara accidentally reveals that she is in love with Willow and :wtkiss ensues...

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2010 11:09 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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Ohh, this update was adorable! I'm so glad that even without her memories Willow is able to feel her love for Tara!
And I loved when Xander and Buffy were talking to her... Willow's curiosity just make her cute! ;-)
Please, more! :peace

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Think she's going to fly away..."


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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2010 1:38 pm 
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5. Willowhand
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Oh noes, I missed an update! Shame on me. *slaps wrist* All better. These are really great, you've got me in tears, but laughing at points too. I can't wait for an update, and I hope someone slips up and tells Willow about her and Tara. More soon please!

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I am the Queen of Mosquitoes personified, feel my annoying wrath! ~Willow, The Rose

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 Post subject: Re: [New Fic] Every Step That I Retrace
PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2010 4:18 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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Yay an update!
It is funny that Willow remembers Cordelia of all people :)
This part was great...
Quote:
"We all have such funny names."

Also Willow asking Tara if she and Buffy were together... that was priceless!
All in all a "not" so sad update! :)
Looking forward to what's next.
-anna


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