Willowtree252: Aww, yeah I didn't realize how angsty this one starts... I started writing it last summer as an alternate whenever I was blocked on Ripples, and I never really noticed how angsty it starts out until I started editing it to start posting... Hope you like the new chapter - I promise it gets happier!
abarda: Yeah, it starts out kind of rocky, but I promise it does get better! Thanks so much for commenting!
AmberGoddess: Thanks for the comment - I hope you'll enjoy where I go with it
Taralover: Thank you! I appreciate the comment!
Mrs. Pineapple: I'm glad you like it - thanks for sticking with me
ScottishAsh: Thanks! Hope you like it!
DaddyCatALSO: I didn't think about that when I was writing it, but you're right... Thanks for the comment - Your comments always make me think about the details and I appreciate it!
Early update because it's my dad's birthday and I'm going to be out with him all day tomorrow!
Chapter 2 of 11The second the coven opened the door to Willow’s room, Tara was inside, rushing to her lover’s bedside. The redhead looked calm and appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Her arms were strapped to the bed on either side and Tara reached out to undo them without pausing. One of the coven witches pulled her back immediately, shaking her head.
“No. You can’t touch her,” the old woman said sternly.
Tara’s jaw dropped. “What? Why not?” she demanded, her voice harsh in her own ears, but she was unable to temper her reaction, her fear for Willow overriding everything else.
The old woman held a hand out and lowered it slowly until it was a few millimeters from Willow’s skin. Suddenly there was a loud pop and Willow’s back arched, her mouth falling open in a loud groan. Tara pulled the old woman back in a rush. “What did you do to her? Giles said you wouldn’t hurt her,” Tara demanded.
The old woman shook her head again, lifting her hand up so Tara could see it. The skin was blistered, red and raw, almost burned looking. “I didn’t do it to her. She did it to herself, and to me. There is still much dark energy inside of her. It will take more time to expel it completely. Until then she must be restrained, for her own safety.” The old woman reached over and carefully lifted the bottom edge of Willow’s shirt, cautious not to touch her skin. Tara gasped involuntarily at the sight. Willow’s stomach was covered in the red welts, large patches of her skin red and sore. “She was thrashing around a lot. Her arms look worse,” the woman said, gently putting the shirt back down.
“Is she in pain?” Tara asked, staring down at the woman she loved.
The old woman shook her head. “If she is, it’s very little. We’ve got her sedated. A healer will come by in a few minutes to do what she can.” She looked at the upset blonde girl kindly, touching her gently on the arm. “We’ll all do what we can. She’s a strong girl.”
Tara nodded, tears welling up in her eyes as she stared at the woman in the bed. “That’s my girl,” she murmured, her voice soft and sad, her eyes no longer seeing anything but Willow. The old woman squeezed her arm gently and moved out of the room, leaving her alone with Willow. Tara stepped up close to the bed, wrapping a hand around the railing on the bed to keep herself from touching the unconscious girl. Her other hand came up to cover her mouth, a sob escaping uncontrollably.
Xander and Buffy came in a moment later and Buffy pulled Tara into a hug, the witch breaking down into sobs against her shoulder.
“How is she doing?” Xander asked quietly, looking down at Willow with a pained expression on his face.
Tara choked back her tears after a moment. “They haven’t undone all of the spells yet. We can’t touch her.”
Buffy sighed, looking over Tara’s shoulder at the bed. “I’m so sorry Tara. Did they say when they would be able to wake her up?”
The witch shook her head, struggling to control her tears. “No, they just said that they had more to do. And she showed me what happens if anyone touches Willow.”
“She calmed down when you touched her before, maybe it would work the same way,” Xander suggested, trying to be hopeful.
Tara shook her head, pulling back from Buffy’s hug. “If it only hurt me, I’d risk it, but it hurts her too. I can’t do that.”
He nodded. “But she’s not screaming anymore. That’s something, at least.”
Tara wiped her tears away, grimacing at the sticky feeling on her face. “They’re sending a healer to help her.” She looked around for a moment. “Where’s Giles?”
“Oh, he stopped to talk to one of the witches. He’s trying to come up with another treatment for Will. He knows you don’t want to do the memory blocking thing,” Buffy said, glancing at the door.
Tara shook her head. “I don’t know
what to do. It feels wrong to take her memories like that.” She looked seriously at Buffy and Xander. “I left her for doing the same thing to me.”
“It’s not exactly the same though,” Xander said. “Willow did a horrible thing, don’t get me wrong. I understand that. She was trying to control you and that’s completely wrong. We’re not doing that. We’re trying to help her. We want her to get better.”
“I know that. It just feels wrong,” Tara replied, staring down at the love of her life. “I’d feel better about it if there was some way to ask her.”
Buffy put a comforting hand on the other girl’s shoulder. “Tara, you know Willow better than anyone, even me or Xander.” She looked between the two of them. “There’s no one who would know better than you what Willow would want to do. Don’t you think she wants to come back to you, to us?”
Tara took a deep breath, crossing her arms over her stomach. “Willow made the decisions that ended her up like this. Maybe she really wanted to end up like this.”
“Tara, no! Of course she doesn’t.” Buffy pulled the witch around to face her, turning the blonde’s back on the bed. “Does Willow love you? What do you honestly think?”
Tara nodded. “I know she loves me.”
Buffy smiled gently. “Okay, good. And you love her?”
Tara nodded again. “More than anything. But I didn’t leave because I didn’t love her, or she didn’t love me. I left because I couldn’t trust her.”
“She did a terrible thing to you, I know that, and I cannot imagine how much that hurt you. But if this idea works the way they think it will, we’ll get Willow back. The real Willow, the one you fell in love with, not addicted Willow. Now, do you really think she would choose to stay addicted and lose you, or would she rather get help and try and get you back?” Buffy asked, knowing the answer before she even finished the question.
There were tears swimming in Tara’s eyes. She blinked and they broke, sliding down her cheeks. “I need her Buffy. I need her to be okay.”
The Slayer nodded, tears coming into her own eyes. “I know. She needs you too Tara. More than she ever has before, I imagine.” She took a deep breath. “I know it’ll be hard, but Giles’ plan really does sound like the best way to help her.”
Tara nodded. “Give me some time to think about it.”
Giles entered just then with the healer. “That’s more than reasonable Tara. None of us want to make any rash decisions about Willow’s wellbeing.” The healer moved up next to the bed, leaning close to Willow’s unconscious form. Tara’s mouth dropped open to warn the medic not to touch her, but Giles put a hand on her arm. “It’s okay. She won’t hurt her. And purging the rest of the dark magic will likely take a few days so we have time to discuss the treatments.”
Tara swallowed, turning her head to look at the bed. “Does she have to stay tied up like that?”
Giles nodded, giving the girl a sympathetic look. “I’m afraid she does. She could really hurt herself otherwise.”
The witch sighed, looking up at Giles. “They really think that this is the best way to help her?”
“Yes, they really do. Willow is in a very bad place. She’s been abusing the magic for months. This might be the only way to save her from burning out completely.” He gently squeezed the blonde’s arm. “And you’ll be here to help her, from the beginning this time.”
“I know. I just don’t like thinking that she won’t know us,” Tara said quietly. Buffy and Xander joined Tara and Giles, the Slayer sliding an arm around the witch’s shoulder.
“We hate it too Tara,” Xander agreed. “But it won’t be forever. And she’ll get to be Willow again.”
Tara sighed, glancing at the bed again. “Okay, explain it to me again.”
Giles nodded, smiling gently. “If we temporarily block her memories of spells and magic, and allow Willow to train here with the coven, it will only strengthen her powers and her ability to control them, while learning the proper respect for the balances that must be abided by when practicing magic correctly. At the end of the training her memory blocks would be removed and she’ll be restored to herself.”
Tara shook her head. “It just feels wrong. Why can’t she just stay here
]with her memories and train with the coven?”
“The coven thinks that if her memories are still accessible, the temptation of dark magic will prove too much for her and she’ll fall back into dangerous magic,” Giles said.
“But what do you think Giles?” Buffy asked. “You think she can do it, right?”
He nodded quietly. “I’ve learned never to bet against the things Willow will prove herself capable of,” he replied seriously, looking at the Slayer. “You yourself are proof of that.”
Buffy nodded with a sad smile. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
Giles hesitated before he spoke again. “I really think that the coven’s idea has merit though. Being free from the temptations and the memories of her mistakes will only help speed her recovery.”
“So you think we should do it?” Tara asked, looking up at him seriously.
He nodded slowly. “I do.”
She took a deep breath. “Let me think about it for a few days.”
Buffy squeezed her in a gentle hug. “Of course. I don’t think we should do anything unless we can all agree on it.” The others nodded their agreement, turning to watch the healer do her work in silence.
They managed to pull Tara away from Willow’s room to force her to eat but she was back in there right after they finished, sitting at her lover’s bedside in silence throughout the night. The coven gently forced her out the next morning when they came to continue their work on Willow, and Xander found her pacing in front of the door. He looped an arm through hers and pulled her outside with him.
“Ow,” she complained as her eyes watered in the sudden brightness, the first sun she had seen in two days. “Where are we going?” She put her free hand up to shade her eyes.
He shrugged. “We’re getting you out of that place. We’re going to take a walk and talk about this.”
She stayed quiet as they walked down the hill away from the coven’s home. Xander didn’t say anything else, content to wait for her to start talking. Finally, she couldn’t stand being alone with her thoughts and she stopped walking, forcing him to stop with her.
“She’s not going to know me, or you, or Buffy, or Giles. She’ll forget us.”
He nodded, grimacing. “Willow’s my best friend. I can’t imagine not having her look at me and smile that goofy little smile of hers. It breaks my heart to think that she won’t remember me.” He sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping. “But it kills me to think of her staying like she is now, or getting deeper in the dark magic.”
Tara nodded back, looking down at the grass beneath their feet. “Me too.” She looked up at him seriously. “I don’t know how to live without her. I was doing the best I could when I left the house, but I can’t stand it like this. Do you really think this is the best way to help her?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never really been up on all the magical stuff. But I trust Giles. If he says this is the best way to help her, then it is. The coven thinks this will be the fastest way too. And Giles thinks this is safer than some of the other plans they came up with. I think we should trust him.”
He looked her in the eye as he cleared his throat. “But as much as I trust Giles, even more than that, I trust how you feel about my best friend. If you think this plan will help, I’ll go along with it. Because I know that you love Will. You love her so much that, no matter what she did to hurt you, you’re still here with her, protecting her and taking care of her. You wouldn’t let anyone do anything to hurt her.”
Tara swallowed tears back thickly, nodding again. “I never would.”
He hugged her gently. “What do you think we should do?”
She shrugged with a sigh. “I don’t know yet.” His arms were still around her and she let herself lean against him, weary in a way she’d never been before.
“You should get some sleep,” he commented, one hand rubbing her back gently.
Tara shrugged again. “I think I dozed a little last night. I’m fine.”
Xander pulled back to look her in the face. “Buffy was right you know, we need you
and Will healthy. She’s going to need your help.”
Tara cracked a tiny smile. “Thank God Willow never taught you the resolve face or I’d be asleep already.”
He grinned back at her, relieved to see her smile. “Well, I can try,” he offered, starting to attempt to duplicate the resolve face.
She stopped him quickly with a hand on his chest, her smile fading. “Please don’t. I just…”
He nodded, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her to lean her head against his chest. “I know. It’s just too much. Sorry.” He leaned his head against hers. “But soon she’ll be back to normal and giving us the resolve face like a pro,” he said confidently.
She breathed heavily against his shirt. “You promise?” she asked quietly, allowing herself a moment to hope that everything could turn out alright.
He nodded firmly. “Of course. It’s Willow. And it’s you. And it’s
us.” He squeezed her gently. “Will would move heaven and earth to be with you Tara.”
Tara blinked back tears, keeping her face pressed to his shirt. “She doesn’t have to come back to me, I just need her to come back.”
“You do want her back though, right?” Xander asked gently.
Tara nodded against him. “I do. I’m trying not to expect anything though, it’s better for my sanity that way.”
He sighed, hugging her again. “Even without her memories, Willow will still know you Tara. You two are in each other’s souls.”
She sucked in a deep breath. “I guess we’ll see, won’t we?” she said, pulling back to look at him with a teary smile.
He nodded, leaning forward to hug her again. “It’s going to be okay. She’ll be okay.”
“I know.” She leaned against him again. “Thanks Xander.”
The coven took another two days to expel the majority of the dark magic from Willow’s unconscious body and Tara was at her bedside constantly except for the few short hours everyday when Buffy and Xander would force her to sleep. The redhead didn’t wake up, but was no longer hurt by physical contact and Tara kept a steady hold of her lover’s hand as she sat and watched over her.
They were alone before dawn on the eighth day since they’d arrived in England and Tara was reading a book quietly, the lampshade turned to keep the light off of Willow’s face. It was the first night that the coven had left Willow without sedating her. Tara looked up from her book at an unexpected noise from the bed to see Willow moving on her own for the first time in days.
“Willow?” Tara spoke as she put her book down and leaned forward. The redhead moved, turning towards her voice and Tara squeezed her hand gently. “I’m right here sweetie. Come back to me, please.” Her voice grew choked as tears came in a rush and she pressed gentle kisses to the back of Willow’s hand.
Willow’s eyes were moving under her eyelids, but didn’t open and Tara’s free hand brushed hair back from her face, surprised when Willow’s head pressed up into her touch, head turning to follow her hand.
“Will?” she questioned, surprised to see tears squeezing out of the redhead’s eyes in the dim light. “Wake up baby, please.”
Willow’s mouth opened a sliver and Tara’s breath left in a rush. At first there was just a gentle breath and the redhead inhaled deeply. “Tara, you have to…” Her voice faded until it was beyond hearing and she tried again. “Tara, you can’t…” Tara squeezed her hand, holding her breath so she wouldn’t miss anything.
“…please kill me.”
When the words came, they echoed in Tara’s ears and she gasped loudly, feeling the blood rush out of her face.
“You have to let them kill me,” Willow breathed again, turning her head away from Tara.
The blonde shook her head, knowing the other girl couldn’t see it. “Willow, no! I’d never let anyone kill you.” Her voice was at normal speaking volume and she felt the darkness of the room close in around her. “You’re not going to die sweetie.”
Suddenly Willow’s back arched and she choked, coughing. She started thrashing on the bed, red stains suddenly appearing on the sheets as she coughed up blood. Tara jumped to hold her arms down and the door burst open behind her a moment later, witches from the coven rushing in. They pushed her back and quickly strapped the coughing redhead to the bed. Buffy ran in a moment later, seeing Tara standing to the side with both hands covering her mouth, blood splattered across her arms and her shirt.
The Slayer pulled her back from the bed, eyeing the activity anxiously. “Tara, what happened? What’s wrong with her?”
“I don’t know,” the blonde sobbed behind her hands. “She told me to kill her.”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “She told you? She woke up?”
Tara shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. She started moving and she responded when I touched her, but her eyes didn’t open at all and all she said was that I should let them kill her.” She took a shuddering breath. “And then she started coughing and thrashing around and there’s blood…” She turned her head to look at the bed. “She can’t die Buffy!”
The Slayer shook her head. “She’s not going to die Tara.” Even as she said it, she hoped she wasn’t a liar, watching the frantic commotion around the bed. She pulled the witch’s hands down, leading her gently out into the hallway. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and we’ll come right back.”
Tara looked down in surprise, shocked to see splatters of Willow’s blood across the front of her shirt and on her arms. She choked back a sob and Buffy slipped an arm across her shoulders. Xander skidded to a stop in front of them, staring at Tara in horror. Giles was right behind him and hesitated at the sight of the girls.
Buffy shook her head, nodding back toward Willow’s room. “Help them. She’s…I don’t know what’s happening, but get in there.”
Her Watcher nodded, rushing past them to join the coven. Xander’s gaze shifted to Buffy, his jaw dropping. “Come with us,” Buffy said, leading the way back to the room she’d been staying in. Tara had a bed in there also, but it was only used when the others forced her to rest. Buffy sat her gently at the edge of the bed and went to run a wash cloth through warm water. She gently wiped the blood away from her friend’s arms, sitting on the bed next to her. “Do you want to change your shirt?” she asked gently.
Tara blinked, looking down at her shirt before she nodded. Buffy got her a new one from her duffle bag and pushed her gently towards the bathroom to change. Buffy and Xander exchanged worried looks, but neither said anything until Tara returned, seating herself on the edge of the bed again.
“What happened?” Xander asked. “How’s Willow?”
Buffy looked up at him, a serious look on her face. “Coughing up blood.” She glanced at Tara. “She told Tara to kill her.”
His jaw dropped. “No way! Why would she say that?” Giles came in slowly before anyone could say anything and Tara and Buffy came to their feet.
“Giles?” Buffy asked, scared to put her fears into words.
He took his glasses off, cleaning them slowly, not meeting their eyes. “She’s alive, but not doing well. They’ve got her stabilized, at least.”
“What happened? I thought she was doing better?” Xander asked, frowning.
He sighed. “It was an attack.”
“Who did it?” Buffy asked, a dangerous anger in her voice.
He shook his head. “We don’t know yet. The coven think it is likely the result of the trace remnants of dark magic still within her. She went too far into the black magic for them to expel all of it.”
“Is she going to be okay?” Tara asked, trying to keep herself from collapsing. “Can we see her?”
Giles nodded. “You can see her.” He took a deep breath. “The coven have told me that this attack means we should decide on a treatment sooner rather than later. They’re likely to keep coming the longer we wait.”
Buffy and Xander nodded, both looking to Tara. She sighed, looking back at them for a long moment, putting both hands up. “I know, I know…I just don’t know.” She looked at Giles. “What caused the attack?”
“The dark magic she’s been using has left her body vulnerable to attacks like this. The coven is confident that once she’s conscious again the attacks will stop.”
Tara frowned. “So she wasn’t awake…”
“Wasn’t awake when?” Giles asked.
“She was talking to me, right before.” The witch felt tears coming again and swallowed them back. “She told me to kill her.”
He blinked, surprised, and shook his head. “It’s possible she was trying to tell you precisely that, but I doubt that she was really awake. The coven told me that the attack would have been impossible had she been conscious. Her magic would have repelled it.”
Tara sank back onto the bed, her knees suddenly weak. “Oh God, so she really does want to die.”
Buffy shook her head. “Tara, no. She’s not going to die, even if she thinks she wants to.” She crouched down to look the witch in the face. “She wants to come back to us. You believe that, right?” Tara blinked, finally nodding. Buffy smiled encouragingly. “Good, then what do you think we should do?”
The blonde witch sighed, dropping her head in defeat. “Do it.”