Fear and Freedom

[singgirl]

Well, that was intense. Thanks for the update, it makes me happy.

[cperrins78]

Wow that was intense. I felt so bad for Tara. Hopefully when they go searching for Tara and tell her the news it will ease her pain. I can't wait for the next update.



Christina

[kimberley]

Haha i guess we are all of the same mind here because my first thought after the fantastic Tara painting scene was also INTENSE ...it was so good that i had to read it twice more before moving on to the next scene.

Your portrayal of dipsy anya was great and so were the sly looks between buffy and kate, i love this groups interaction...one thing id like to know more about is kates role in the scoobies, does she have powers? or is she more in the Faith mode like a kick ass fighter?

I liked the ending because -yay- the gang will soon be complete when tara gets onboard...Thanks for this update, the hard work you are putting in really tells and is much appreciated.

[willowtree114]

loven the fic so far, cait wait for the willow tara goodness tho,

[grimlock72]

First time I read the forum in a week or so, advantage of that there being LOTS of updates What strikes me most about this store is the tone and the bantering between the people in it. It's the sort of care-free friendly bantering which was so much missing in the later years.

Not sure we knew Kate's surname before the later updates, the 'McCloud' part peaked my interest this time

Willow is indeed adorable when she said "I fell...", makes me want to hug her, Tara probably feels the same. Speaking of Tara's feelings, she really does need to get more emotional control over those, unless of course the stormy weather was purely an coincidence . For some reason I think Willow could help Tara forget her horrible past.

Maybe Tara's past experiences also explain why she pretty much immediatly went on the defense when Willow explained why she was looking. I'm pretty sure Willow intends to look for Tara once she can actually look

I totally agree with what Willow said to Kate about pretty much forcing Buffy to come out of the closet. Doing that with Buffy only makes her lock the closet-door, Buffy doesn't like being 'special' that much... ah well, hopefully that comes to a happy ending as well, don't want to see Kate unhappy now do we ??

Had to smile at "accidentally interfered on purpose" ... as mentioned before I can just imagine that being said by the people you describe so vividly. Have you written more stories ? I would like to read them, judging on this one.

Musn't forget the potter-bable, even though I don't know much about Mr. Potter I thought the bable was fun. They way Willow went of a small tangent and got lost in the forrest that is her mind's ways at times... .

Grimmy

[sarejester]

Hey guys,

Update is comming just doing a bit of replying,

singgirl,
cperrins78,
kimberley,
willowtree114,
Haha cheers for the comments, it was a tad intence, I hoped it wouldnt come across as slightly under writtern, im taking that it was ok?
thanks for the vote of confidence,
I promise things will get a whole lot more interesting once Tara has joined our faithfull crew,

I personally cant WAIT to start playing with willow and tara together,
hopfully i will be all good!

Grimmy,

Have you written more stories ? I would like to read them, judging on this one.

This is my first fic, so unfortunatly i havent writern/put out anymore, im sort of making it up as i go here,

I also loved the

Willow finally looked up to where she guessed Tara standing “I fell..”
‘So adorable’ “I se…see that, you want a ha..hand up?”

bit, I stole the idea from my own life, I could just see Wilow accually saying that though,

anywho must get back to writing the next update,
hopfully will be updated at some stage tonight,
pffhh... who needs more then three hours sleep anyway,
( Thank god Im an art student, creative license means i
can sleap and get away with it)

cheers guys
sare

[sarejester]

Ok,
Quite a mellow soft chapter,
disclamier chapter one...etc etc
here goes,

Chapter five,

Giles looked at Willow frowning slightly, “Tara? As in the woman that saved you the other night?”
Willow could feel all eyes on her, “Yes, that Tara”
“Will, um…You’ve only met her twice now” Xander sat forward with his elbows on his knee’s as he spoke, his hands steepled against his lips, wincing he continued “ the first time you met her you were attacked by a vampire and got knocked out, and the second, you were essentially blind, and from what you told me you kinda pissed her off, so forgive me for having doubts…”

Willow couldn’t see anyone’s face but the hush around the room drew a pretty clear picture, “Oh…so now I have no credibility….Since when?
Come on, have a little faith, I know this ”

“Will” Buffy lay a soothing hand on Willow’s leg, and mentally smacked herself when Willow visibly jumped, ‘Duh slayer, Willow cant see, careful to speak first and touch after…wait that didn’t sound right…even in my own head’
Shaking her head Buffy continued,
“Sorry Wills, we are not faulting you, we just need to weed out all our options, If we make a mistake then there will be serious consequences, we need to think this through, we cant afford to make the wrong decision here, okay”

Grudgingly Willow relented, “Fine, but if I turn out to be right..” “Yea yea yea, a written, dated and signed ‘I told you so’ I know the drill Willow” rolling her eye’s Buffy slouched back into her comfy chair, quickly glancing at Kate with a weak smile,
Kate for her part looked confused and was about to ask when Buffy spoke up “Willow your…’charming’ room-mate decided one day instead of saying ‘I told you so’, she would be creative and issue them” A tight lipped smile went to Willow, was sitting back against the couch trying to cover a small grin threatening to emerge,
“Yes, its quite…um…. quite” Not being able to find the words, Giles took of his glasses and cleaned them,
Looking round in disbelief, Kate had to ask, “So how many have each of you gotten over the years?”
“…..Six….”
“…Four……”
“……Nineteen”
“Two…”
“Mr. Giles…Willow gave you two? And Buffy…Nineteen?”

Putting his glasses back on Giles got quite defensive, “Well Kate, before you…..There was this skeleton….How was I to….Oh never mind”

Buffy looked up from in between her hands,
Pouting Buffy pointed at her best friend, “ I…she…Willow’s mean”

Chuckling, Kate slapped Willow round the leg gently, “Willow is that really necessary?”

Rubbing her leg, Willow was quite adamant, “Yes, Yes it is.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Several hours after starting to weed out their options, the Scobbie gang, including dawn, who had been picked up by Buffy earlier, had come to one conclusion.

All crowding over their list, with only one name not crossed out, Buffy rolled her eyes, and with out looking up held out her hand, to be presented with a hand written, dated and signed ‘I told you so’, granted the lettering was wobbly and slightly askew, but without her eye sight Willow felt she had done herself justice,

…………………………………………………………………………………………..


“Well considering it is now,” Xander yawned and checked his watch, “oh…an easy three in the morning, its that time again folks, what’s that you say? Time for bed, why yes…are we all agreed?”

Yawns being catching, most of the Scobbies reciprocated and nodded their agreement,
“You guys want a lift home?” Buffy muffled out threw her yawn,
Kate looked up at the petit Slayer shrugging into her jacket, ‘you are really gorgeous you know that? And I think one of these days I might actually get to tell you’ keeping her thoughts to herself, Kate agreed for both Willow and herself, “Thanks, I appreciate it”

After agreeing on Kate, Willow and Buffy going to visit Tara in the morning the gang filed out of Giles house, slipping into the night, Giles watched them go thinking back to when he had first met Buffy, Xander and Willow, how much they had changed, and yet how much they still were the same,
Brought back to the present by a yawn, Giles remembered the time and shuffled of to bed as well,
Gently placing his glasses on the side table, Giles squinted as he reached for the lamp switch, turning it off, Giles drifted to sleep filled with hope and pride at his small clan,

…………………………………………………………………………………………..


Buffy drove on auto pilot, trusting years of driving experience to guide her safely threw the streets, glancing in the rear vision mirror, a smile which Kate had never seen graced Buffy’s face, curious, Kate turned in her seat to see what had put that smile on Buffy’s face, Kate bit her bottom lip and smiled at what she saw,
‘That is so adorable’
Turning to sit properly in her seat, Kate met Buffy’s eyes, both acknowledging the gorgeous scene in the back seat,

Willow and Dawn had both fallen asleep,
Dawn had slipped down the seat and was comfortably sleeping in the crook of Willows neck, Willow was using Dawns head as a pillow and they both were sleeping peacefully,

Kate turning around properly, felt a sense of peace, of joy that comes from experiencing a moment that you remember, because it was such an honest act of humanity at its best,
Reaching out Kate put her hand over Buffy’s on the gear stick, wanting to share the feeling,
Taking Buffy’s hand felt as natural as though she had taken and held this hand every day for years, Kate realized that that’s exactly what she wished she could do,

Buffy, feeling Kate take her hand smiled and twined their fingers together,
Nothing was said,
Nothing needed to be said,

Willow smiled a quiet smile, feeling rather then seeing the two girls fully connect with each other for the first time,
Slowly feeling herself drift back of to sleep,
Willow’s last thought was Tara, and the task ahead tomorrow,

[singgirl]

That was definately sweet. I love the fact that Willow signs and dates her "I told you so!" that's incredibly evil! I HAVE to remember to do that I eagerly await the next update. I can't believe this is the first fic you've written, either. It's really well done. Have you done any writting in the past?

[sarejester]

Ow shucks-singgirl
, Thanks Im really glad you liked the update,
Haha I had a wee chuckle at the signed and dated part to, Some times even i have no idea where this stuff comes from...probbly lack of food and sleep,

this is my first acual go at writing fic, Im a film student so Ive got thousands of half writtern script ideas lying around, and Ive writtern a few songs so I can use them with out asking anyone for permision,

But this is my very first fully spell checked and thought threw fic,
and im having a whole heap of fun writing it, allthough my flatmates think im nuts because i come out and make mac&cheese then go and hide in my room again, they think im a secret junkie or something, haha little do they know im really addicted to

and
anywho,
cheers,
sare

[kimberley]

Hi this was a nice mellow update - setting me up nicely for the daily grind ahead at school....hahaha 19 i told you so's for buffy.....A perfect ending i thimk...willow and dawn so sweet , but buffy and kate even sweeter, there cute little holding hands thing has put a huge grin on my face....oooh im looking forward to tomorrow already (in the story that is) with kate , willow and buffy all going to see tara = yay all the girls together.

[sarejester]

Hey guys,
Im sorry i know i promised you Tara but i had to do this first,
small chapter,
and Tara next chapter!!!
I promise-gomise
sare

Disclaimer chapter one,
Chapter sixA
etc etc


Willow was woken the next morning by a tongue in her ear,
Not the most effective way to wake up the dozy redhead but effective non the less,
“That better be Kansas’s tongue in my ear or there will all levels of trouble about to go down”
A cheerful laugh greeted Willow from the next room,
Kate having risen early, decided waffles were in order, and after a brisk walk down the market she was humming softly as she bounced round their modest kitchen,
Spatula in one hand, flour in the other Kate poked her head around the corner,
Willow looked like she had danced an Irish jig in her sleep, Hair tousled, and yawning Willow was trying to defend herself against a determined puppy,
Laughing, Kate threw a handful of flour at Willow, “ Willow don’t be so scandalous, you know I never partake in a good ear licking before at least 9:07,
what do you take me for?”
Ducking back into the kitchen, Kate started to sing at the top of her voice,
“Because your gorgeous, I’d do anything for you…Because… Hey Willow?.. What the bleeding hell are the rest of the words, that song has been stuck in my head all morning…. Willow…Will?”
Hearing no response, Kate frowned and put her head back round the corner “Hello earth to…WILLOW!” Dropping the spatula Kate quickly sat beside Willow and took her hands away from her face, “What do you think you are doing?”
Willow looked up at Kate, her eyes immediately began to water, and she had to shield them from the sun coming threw the curtains, “Ow ow OW! Fuck that hurts!
The doctor said I could take my patches of today….I kinda took them of”
Kate rolled her eyes, “Willow you can be such a shit some times, why didn’t you get me to do it, Ow that looks like it hurts, here wait a second”
Jumping up Kate found a small flannel and soaked in cold water, “ Put this over your eyes, and try not to blink just close them and relax ok, Let me find my sun glasses for you” Sniffing because her eyes had made her nose run, Willow lay back pathetically and felt utterly relieved when the throbbing nauseas pressure in her eyes stopped,
“Sorry, I just got…. I hated not being able to see, it was so claustrophobic”

A knock at the door found Kate on her knees looking under the bed for her sunglasses,
A muffled “Its Buffy” and then the door was opened by the goddesses that had been on Kate’s mind all morning,
“Morning Guys, I come bearing mocha-ie gifts, Will what wrong?”
Finally finding her sunnies, Kate reappeared looking only slightly worse for wear from the hidden depths of the dreaded under the bed space,
“She took of her eye patches by herself, and now is suffering the consequences” Kate looked menacingly towards Willow, well as menacing as one can at 8 in the morning,
Breaking eye contact with the puffy eyed redhead, Kate’s whole demeanor changed as she looked over at Buffy, smiling she accepted her Mocha and took a sip, “Mmmh god that’s good, bless you Buffy…” Licking the foam of her top lip Kate suddenly remembered the waffles “Shit, Buff I take it your staying for breakfast? I’m making waffles, you want?”

‘Oh. Dear. Lord’ Kate’s moan of appreciation had hit Buffy square in the chest, melted its way down south, making Buffy clench her thighs in sympathy and was now reverberating round her ears,
Kate licking the foam from her lip had drawn Buffy’s attention to that beautiful mouth,
‘The mouth is moving, but I don’t hear the talking…’
Nodding Buffy hoped what ever she had just agreed to wasn’t too painful, because she could have just signed her soul to the devil for all she cared,
“Screw the soul, gimmie the lips”
Willow lifted her head and looked at her best friend trying to assert if she had just said what Willow thought she had just said,

[kimberley]

ooh what a lovely little update...and very sexay too...more please!!

[singgirl]

Haha! Screw the soul give me the lips??? that's great!! I anxiously await more, I love each and every update.

[sarejester]

Hey guys,

heres the next update,
hope you like,

singgirl cheers always a pleasure updateing hope you like, more kate and Buffy cuteness ahead,

kimberley ask and you shall be given, haha heres the next bit


Chapter seven,
disclaimer chapter one,
still pg, but im getting there,

Tara woke from a dead sleep, feeling more tired then she had before going to sleep, stretching out from her cramped position on the floor Tara grimaced as she heard her back click in several places along her spine,
‘Note to self; when having a breakdown, if at all possible have one in bed’
Rolling her eyes Tara leaned back on her elbows to take a good look at the picture she had started the night before, ‘Huh, Well that’s interesting’
Hauling herself to her feet with a groan, Tara absently tied her long hair back as she took a closer look at her masterpiece, ‘Not bad…. If I do say so myself’
Turning the easel into the sunlight beating into her room’s windows Tara took a step back and cocked her head to the left slightly,
‘You know if that bit had a smear of…and I added a touch more red…’
Tara immediately turned to her paint pallet and picked up the combo of colours needed to finish the painting, fatigue forgotten Tara spent the better part of the morning touching up her work,

Stepping back for the last time Tara nodded slightly to herself, setting aside her pallet, and quickly washing her brushes in the sink, Tara took her first good look around the room, ‘I really did well last night didn’t I’
Brushes and tubes of paint were tossed everywhere, her blankets were in a crumpled heap in the center of the room and it looked like someone had taken a couple of hundred loose leafs of paper and chucked them in front of a fan, all in all, a bomb site.
Making short work of cleaning up the paints and brushes, bedding remade Tara started picking up her papers, she had plenty of folders to store the papers in, but somehow they all needed to be used at the same time,
Picking up a huge stack Tara sat on her bed and began to sort them,
The one thing that Tara had always wanted was a beautiful big bed, one that she could completely snuggle into, and after years of saving from various small part-time jobs and the money her mother had left to her Tara had the bed of her dreams, well actually the apartment of her dreams,
Unlocking the door to her apartment for the first time had been a momentous occasion for Tara, she had spent a good hour just standing at the door looking at what was now officially hers, her safe haven, her hideaway, her home,
One beautiful bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom/laundry and sitting room,
Tara had repainted all of it in mostly soft reds and creams but
The most striking feature of Tara’s small apartment was her bedroom, Tara had painted the walls a deep burgundy, her bed linen was blacks and greys,
The colour made her feel safe somehow, it was Tara’s favorite room in the whole apartment, adorning her ceiling was the fairy lights from the last Christmas she spent with her mother, they had decorated the tree together, as they had done every year,

Looking up Tara remembered fondly the giggling fit both of them had been in as they raced each other to get their strands of fairy lights wrapped around the tree first, only to crash into each other and become tangled helplessly in the process.

Tara smiled as she remembered the good times; taking her eyes of the fairy lights she went back to sorting her papers,
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Silence, The blissful silence that comes after a meal fit for the gods themselves,
The three girls were all in various stages of sprawled, Kate was lying on her bed arms and legs flung every which way, Buffy was upside down in Willow’s computer chair, head resting on the ground, and Willow was laying on her side, her eyes glassed over and a content look upon her face,

“Kate…I'm going to marry you” Buffy had never felt so sure of anything in her life,
“But only if I get waffles every day”
Willow lazily opened one eye, “Buffy hands off, she’s my waffle bitch, mine and only mine” “I don’t see your name on her!” “Kate if you will…”
Kate chuckling quietly pulled up her sleeve to show Buffy her arm,
Buffy had to cock her head to read the ‘Property of Willow Rosenberg’ scrawled on Kate’s arm properly, arching an eyebrow Buffy was impressed in her ability to read upside down, “Willow…. there are no words”

After a slight pause Willow spoke,
“Ok Buffy I’ll make you a deal, you can marry her…. on the condition that I get her once a week for two breakfasts and one pudding, deal?”

Kate opened her eyes and watched in amusement as the girls negotiate the terms for her hand in marriage,
Finally agreeing on two breakfasts, one lunch and a pudding Buffy crawled out of the chair to retrieve Willows marker, crawling back over to Kate she put out her hand expectantly,

Kate hesitated in giving Buffy her arm, Buffy looked up into Kate’s eyes, and in complete seriousness asked “Please”
Without breaking eye contact Kate extended her arm to the waiting blonde,
Buffy took Kate’s arm almost reverently; uncapping the pen with her teeth she gently crossed out Willow’s name and with neat precise script wrote ‘Property of Buffy Summers’ Looking up, Buffy’s eyes spoke the truth she had just written, “Mine”
The look on Buffy’s face melted Kate inside out,
Kate felt like she had just taken her first step into the sunlight after years in the darkness, Smiling Kate knew in that moment, with one word she was lost forever. “Yours”

Willow would recount years later the beauty of the moment she had just witnessed, and how she swore she heard the world stop, just for a minute,

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

“Willow, move your arse! Stop dawdling!” “I'm NOT dawdling, I’m just taking my time, time to look at the leaves falling from the tree’s, time to watch little kids playing on the playground, time to…” “We get the point Will, we also know that you’re stalling, so move your Wiccan arse”

Willow huffed slightly at being talked to in such a way, in truth she knew she was stalling, its just Tara had sounded so hurt when she left Willow didn’t want to aggravate her further,
‘Yea right, maybe it’s the fact that you’ve never seen her before and your panicking, or the fact that you’ve carried her personal note around since you’ve found it and she’s continuously on your mind?’

Buffy and Kate dropt back to walk beside the quiet Redhead, “Will are you okay? I know you think you upset her but we really need to talk to her, the whole apocalypse thing…. kind of an issue here.” “I know Buff, It’s just…. It’s just… never mind, so how far away are we?” Buffy raised an eyebrow but accepted the change of topic,
“Its only two streets over, don’t worry no one can stay mad at you for long, she properly doesn’t even remember” Rubbing Willows arm soothingly Buffy began chat to Kate about the meeting she had with the University’s director about the part time course Willow had suggested,

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Tara had finished sorting threw her papers, a pile of sketches, a smaller pile of painting idea’s and books to reference, and a huge pile of scribble and poetry and creative essays, basically a pile of scattered thoughts,

Frowning slightly, Tara realized she was missing the small monologue she had written a few days prior, Trying to remember exactly what she had written Tara debated whether it was worth searching for, ‘I wrote it at three in the morning, its probably a onomatopoeic shopping list or something’
Trusting that the if she was supposed to find it she would Tara began to put all her papers in there corresponding folders,

Finally her physical space clear, Tara made a cup of tea and sat with her journal to update and offload her thoughts,
Opening her journal carefully she began to write in smooth flowing cursive text,

‘Last night was intense; I opened myself up to my emotions thinking they were calm and balanced,
I wasn’t aware of how much I needed to let go, really let myself cry,
I was so tired before I slept, now I’m still as tired yet I don’t feel as heavy, I feel calm and satisfied, I need to….’

A knock at the front door startled Tara, looking at her bedside clock Tara was surprised at how much of the day had past already,
Getting up and moving quietly threw the apartment Tara frowned ‘Who would be visiting me today, Jane’s supposed to come round tomorrow…unless I’ve got the dates wrong’
Looking threw her peephole Tara could see it wasn’t Jane, Buffy and a vaguely familiar girl were standing outside her door waiting patiently,
Tara opened the door with slight trepidation and a visibly confused look on her face, “Buffy?”

Buffy’s eyes lit up at being remembered, “Tara, I'm glad you remember me, are you busy at the moment?”
Tara shook her head no absently, her attention was on the small woman she hadn’t seen before, “Willow”
“And that’s Kate, now that we all know each other do you mind if we come in for a minute, we need to talk to you” Tara caught the end of Buffy’s sentence and look back sharply at the Slayer, “Y…you want to talk to m..me?”

Recognizing the deer in the headlights look on Tara’s face Kate stepped forward, an understanding smile on her face, “ Don’t worry its nothing bad, I was wary the first time these two said that to me as well, I’ve seen you around campus a few times but we’ve never met properly, I'm Kate McCloud”
Keeping eye contact with Tara, Kate put out her hand,

Tara calmed considerably, Kate was bubbly yet soothing, and her sincerity spoke to Tara, Taking her hand and shaking it softly Tara replied “Tara McClay”
Moving aside slightly so they could come in Tara had to wonder if she would later regret opening the door in the first place,

Tara brought them all into her sitting room, and offered them chairs and hot drinks, Moving quietly into the small kitchen to prepare the tea, Tara was grateful she had cleaned up earlier,
Looking over her shoulder to check her guests Tara noticed Willow looking at her newly finished painting, never one to be shy about her art Tara watched with interest at the scrutiny her painting was under by Willow,

Willow for her part had been just about to sit when she had caught Tara’s painting from the corner of her eye, Taking a small step forward Willow turned and raised her eye to Tara for permission to have a closer look, Tara nodded her consent and went back to making the tea, surreptitiously watching Willow out of the corner of her eye,
‘Her eyes are green, goddess what a beautiful green, why has she been so quiet though? Does she think I’m upset with her still…”

Willow having permission now took a step closer to the painting, noting it was still slightly wet in places Willow put her hands in her pockets, a lifetime habit of having to touching things making her cautious,
Looking intently at the painting Willow wondered what it was called, or if it even had a name yet,
‘The colours…the movement and life in the way she’s painted,
I don’t understand it but it feels almost like this should be painted on me, on my skin, not a canvas,
that’s strange.., am I strange?’ frowning slightly Willow turned to find Tara right behind her, both girls jumped slightly “S..sorry,” noticing Willow’s frown Tara couldn’t help but ask “You di….didn’t like it?”
Willow recovering from her fright was studying Tara mouth as she spoke,
‘Brain start working…mouth start moving…come on people, chop chop! she’s waiting for an answer here!’
Mercifully Willow’s body began to co-operate, “No! I love it, its just the way its…. I mean how you’ve…its familiar but I cant explain it” Tara smiled and put a hand of Willow’s arm, both girls tingling slightly with the touch,
“Tha…that’s ok, It doesn’t need an explanation” Taking her hand of Willow’s arm, Tara turned to pour the tea for the girls, Willow stood for a while just looking at the place where Tara’s hand had been, shaking her head she sat and listened as Buffy began to explain their visit,

[singgirl]

Uh! Okay, I was sooo happy to see that this fic already had an update, and with Tara, no less. I was just at the point where Tara opens the door and my just-booted-out-of-the-house roomate comes running downstairs, exasperativly (is that a word? If it is, is it spelled right?), and exclaims "We need to talk!" So, I sigh, take my cigarettes and my coke, and leave from the computer to the living area. Then she just points to her face and stares at me, like I really need to say the right thing right now. I just shrugged, tired of dramatics. I had no idea what I was supposed to be focusing on, let alone the comment that needed to be made to prevent the on-comming rant. She just picks up the phone and dials the cops...I'm like "okay..." I just sit and wait for her to talk to the cop on the phone in my preasence, I hate when she does that, she wants me to know, so she talks about it loudly in front of me, and I hate to listen, because it's rude...anyway, of topic...so, she claims her boyfriend attacked her... right, he's not a nice guy, I think he's a real ass, personally, but she's a drama queen that overreactes and then exaggerates, sprinkle that with various lies, and that is her side of the story, hence the reason she is an ex-roomate. However, I do not question she needs to be away from this guy, he's nothing but blackness in her future. I see no bruises, I didn't hear she was missing, I just heard that she owes some money to people. I think she is making things up again. She once told me "I like to lie, because it's fun, I mean, who really cares?" She used to be a good person... Anyway, so she borrows my money, and some other stuff, I know I won't get bac, and tells me she'll be back later... And all I can think of through this ordeal is "I WAS READING DAMN YOU!" Am I a bad person? I think I may be... cuz I know she genuinely feels distraught, I just don't want to hear about it, I've been trying to help her be away from this guy forever, I give up! I just want to read one of the best fics on the board! Hmm, maybe this goes into "The All-Purpose Crappy Feelings Thread" But you are the first to hear about it...*chuckle* Anyway, so I came back here right after she left and finished the fic, and I must say, I need more!! That was Waaaay too short, I wanted more interaction! though, the Buffy-Kate moment was awesome, I was mesmorized by the poetic flow of the words. I eagerly await more...

[grimlock72]

The sweetest moments up till now go to Katie and Buffy. Willow and Tara will have some catch-up to do later on, heh. Poor Willow still thinks Tara is upset with her, hopefully that will get fixed soon. She really should be more carefull just removing those eye-patches herself (btw. Tara didn't note that change yet?). Hopefully her eyes will fully recover in a couple of weeks eventually.

Had to smile at Tara's "`Note to self; when having a breakdown, if at all possible have one in bed'". Of course it's sad that she HAS breakdowns at all, having her own home doesn't seem to help with that. I'm reasonably sure Willow will volunteer to hold her through such breakdowns and keep her safe Lets hope Tara enver falls or hurts herself during such a breakdown.

Is Tara aware that her breakdowns might cause problems outside her home/room? Interesting that she is actually missing that small poem she wrote which Willow found.

Tara deserves so much happiness, someone ought to give it to her

Grimmy

[willowtree114]

great update...i wonder if Tara ever finds out Willow has her poem, keep up the good work,



~Angel~

[kimberley]

Lovely to start off with Tara, but those fairy lights she put up on her ceiling with her mom...on their last Christmas...aww that was great i just wanted to hold and hug her right there.

Oh man you are building the story of kate and Buffy with such class, i love it so much, i think my head will explode if they ever get to, you know what, with each other lol.

Im also glad we can now start to get the serious end of the tara and Willow interactions, i love the dialogue between the two...its just like so real to their characters.........and finally i just had to laugh at that line you put in from Tara to her journal = "last night was intense"...I just hope you were thinking of us kittens at that point.

[sarejester]

Hey Kittens,

singgirl
dude, that is quite the prediciment,

And all I can think of through this ordeal is "I WAS READING DAMN YOU!" Am I a bad person?

seriously, i know she must have been freaking out, but i couldnt stop laughing as i read your reply, not because what she was doing was overly funny, but i could totally see myself doing the same thing, smokes in one hand, V in the other, wanting to give a damb but compleatly missing the boat, she sounds like a bit of a pre-maddona, (take out the 'bit', she sounds like such a high mantanace flatmate)
I dont think your a bad person at all, when I read your reply yeasterday morning, I sat down with my crumpets, and milo ( very man-ly and tough breakfast i know) and wrote the next little bit, its kinda short but it has interaction!
always feel free to write what ever you want in the replys, its a treat for me to read, thats goes for everyone

grimlock72

Hey Grimmy, dont worry Kate and Buffy will definitly not be hogging all the loving, now that the girls have met properly, things are going to pick up for them,
Tara was a bit flustered when the girls walked in, and also Willow was being really quiet, so she didnt bring her eyes up, least she offend her,
ah the faithfull brekdown, I myself am a big fan, for me ( and for Tara as im writting her) a breakdown is not a weekly event, I will need to have a decent cry/scream/tantie once every six months or so,
its not a dangerious event, just powerful, and compleatly draining, -Tara is not yet aware that she flickers the lights etc,
I think Tara feels safest in her own home to have a breakdown, I know i would,
, anyway, thanks for the feedback, Its always so constructive, I apreciate it,

willowtree114
Thanks glad you like, I think Tara finding out is definitly on the cards, its quite important she does,

kimberley
Kimberley, as always glad you liked the update, i really like the fairy lights bit as well, and im glad someone picked up my little tip of my hat to the kittens, im gonna need to put a special disclaimer just for you on any chapter that Buffy and Kate get together arnt I?


And last but not least,
My S-B-R ( surogate beta reader) is sick, but has managed to sneak her laptop, so she was able to check the chapter over for me,
Your a legend Anna, hope you feel better real soon


Disclaimer in Chapter one,
Chapter seven A


Willow was trying to pay attention, she really really was, but how can a mere mortal ignore a goddess in her presence, Willow was fascinated by every part of Tara, down to the way her eyebrows furrowed when she was concentrating, looking down at her hands Willow began a small inner monologue that Shakespeare would have applauded,

[center]‘Okay so lets go threw this sensibly, absolutely no reason to panic, or blow this out of proportion, no siry-bob….
You think Tara is gorgeous, and your paying attention to the
small things like her furrowing eyebrows, this means the obvious, you have a crush on her….or your obsessed...
Which brings us to our second issue…’
[/center]

Tara was distracted, She was trying to give Buffy her complete attention but the small redhead sitting diagonally from her was…well distracting, Willow had drifted of into her own world sometime ago and was now gesturing and frowning as if she was arguing internally, ‘Is she even aware she’s doing that?’
Shaking her head slightly Tara tried desperately to catch up with what Buffy was saying, “So there is a prophecy that the w..world is going to be taken over by demons from a different dimension and you nee….need me to help save it?”
Buffy stopped her long winded explanation, rubbed her nose sheepishly and admitted, “Kind of sums it up, yea”

No one was prepared for Tara to start laughing hysterically, Kate visibly jumped at first but after regaining her composure, had to hide her smile behind her hand, which failed miserably when she began to snort, giving up the game completely Kate let loose a whopping great laugh that set Tara off all over again,
Buffy and Willow looked desperately between the two girls then at each other,
Buffy mouthed ‘What I say?’ and Willow who had been paying absolutely no attention just shrugged,

“Okay…Okay…” Trying desperately to find her composure and her dignity a bright red Tara began to calm her breathing, “Im sor…. sorry, Its just that, that, Oh goddess that sounds so funny, If I didn’t kn…know that we lived on a hellmouth, I would think you were all on a bun…bunch of drugs, Okay…Okay” Finally settling her breathing and getting her laughter under control, Tara sat back, and looked at each girl in turn, Willow felt the laughter in the room fade away and the mood turn sombre as Tara began take what Buffy had been saying in,

Willow watched Tara as she looked at Buffy and Kate,
‘She’s powerful, and when she laughs I feel like I want to breath it in to warm my heart, I need to get to know her, I’m so drawn to her’

Willow’s breath caught as Tara’s warm blue eyes fell on her,
‘Love me’
Willow’s heart spoke freely as Tara looked straight into her soul, Willow eye’s widened slightly as felt the words come out of nowhere and reverberate threw her mind,
‘Love me’
Willow rolled the words round her mouth testing how they felt, tasting them as if tasting the first sip from a glass of red wine, looking back into Tara’s eyes, Willow felt her mind whisper ‘love me’ with such conviction that it surprised her how strongly she felt for this woman,

Breaking eye contact with her, least her eyes give her away Willow didn’t notice Tara cock and shake her head slightly, as if she had she had thought she’d heard something but dismissed it,

Seemingly satisfied with what she was looking for Tara turned back to Buffy, “I’ll do it, I’ll hel….help you in anyway I…I can”
Buffy flashed a radiant smile at Tara “Great! Well there is a Scobbie meeting tomorrow night, are you busy cos I can drop round on my way and pick you up if you want, It will be fun, you’ll get to meet all of us”
Watching Buffy's excitement and feeling slightly self consious, Tara dropt her head slightly as she replied, “No Not bu..busy”
Willow frowned as Tara dropt slightly her head, ‘Why does she do that? Is she aware she’s doing that?’ Willow fought desperately with herself not to just reach out and lift Tara’s chin,

“Okay, I’ll come by around six-ish tomorrow night, I don’t mean to be rude but I’ve got work in twenty minuites,” Standing up Buffy put a hand on Tara’s shoulder as she stood up as well, “Thank you”
Smiling Tara replied “Your we…welcome, are you all off?” this was aimed directly at the Redhead.
Willow crinkled her nose and wrung her fingers, as she stood awkwardly wanting nothing more to sit back down, and keep visiting “Kinda, I mean…. I…”

Neither girl noticed Buffy and Kate begin to clear the cups and take them through to Tara’s kitchen,

Tara stood looking at Willow for a long time, Willow stood as still as she could under the gaze of Tara,
Both girls could feel their energys dancing around one another, Closing her eyes slightly Tara watched as the colours merged and changed,

“ I noticed before that you'd taken of your patches, you have such beautiful eyes Willow, But they look sore are they okay?,”
Kate who had been quietly watching from the kitchen spoke up, "Little Miss Wicca of the year, decided to take the patches of herself, and now is suffering the consequences"
Tara felt her ears go red, “ I um.... I have some cream that would help…. if you want,”
Willow’s mind was busy doing the Scooby dance in her head,'she thinks i have beautiful eyes, she's paying attention to my eyes/me'’
and she only barely had the coordination to nod and reply “Thanks”
Following Tara into her bedroom, Willow was floored by the look of the room.
The deep burgundy walls and the wooden floors inspired Willow,
It took a lot of guts to paint a room with such dramatic colours, and Tara had pulled it of nicely,

Looking at knickknacks as she waited for Tara to find the eye cream from one of her drawers, Willow spotted a rainbow suspender belt hanging from the back of Tara’s chair, frowning slightly Willow kept observing the room, one Melissa Etheriege and three KD Lang CD’s later Willows suspicions were arising, ‘coincidence? Maybe…’
Willow would have continued her investigation, But Tara turned at that moment with a small bottle in her hand,
”Got it, so you put it on a couple of ti…times a day, Its homeopathic and it just sooths so it should he…help” noticing Willow looking round her room, Tara felt the need to apologise for the mess “sor…sorry the rooms usually ti…. tidier then this”
Walking Willow back to the sitting room, Tara smile as she saw that Buffy and Kate had washed their dishes and were now drying them, “Please, you don’t have to do t..that, Buffy didn’t you have to go at four?”
Looking up at the clock Buffy swore under her breath, and grabbed her jacket, “Sorry to rush you Tara but we’ve got to go, Willow you still gonna hang with Dawn tonight?” “Yea, I’m coming with you now?” “If you want that lift, then yes”
Pulling on her jacket Willow looked up at Tara,
grinned and rolled her eyes,
Tara grinned lopsidedly at Willows antics,
After seeing the girls out, Tara walked back to the living room smiling, slipping into her favourite chair, Tara could still feel the energy of Willow particularly, and not just because the redhead had sat in this very chair,

Tara thought back to when Willow had made the comment earlier that her painting felt familiar and chuckled quietly,
Closing her eyes and concentrating Tara could still see the dancing colours of Willows energy, opening her eyes and looking at her painting Tara saw the same image in paint, ‘Familiar? Willow do you not recognise yourself?’
Smiling, Tara snuggled deeper into her chair and let her mind wonder.

[willowtree114]

another great upate, i like how willow dosn't know why the painting seems so Familiar and then tara saying

Familiar? Willow do you not recognise yourself?’

and it was funny how tara starting laughing after they told her about them needing her help with the big bad, hehe



~Angel~

[kimberley]

A nice long update thankyou...in this one i loved all the extra details that complemented the dialogue. Like the inner thoughts and monologues. That line.."when she laughs i feel like i want to breathe it in to warm my heart" was just so beautiful....I also loved Willow scoping out Tara's bedroom, as that is exactly what i like to do. (on the few occasions i get to see someones new bedroom!!)

On a side note Sare yeah i love your disclaimer idea...just, you know, to give us some time to prepare calmly for the goodness ahead..lol

[singgirl]

Hey! update! woohoo! I would have read it sooner, but the roommate was back last night The WEillow and Tara interaction was awesome. Damn Buffy having to go to work :( Oh, I can't wait for more!! Okay, question for the dumb american I know what crumpets are. What is milo?

[grimlock72]

‘Familiar? Willow do you not recognise yourself?’

That's a good question, I think she indeed wouldn't. Lack of experience and no-one to reflect onto (if that makes sense).

I thought it a bit sad that Tara had to laugh at anyone asking her help fighting evil. Maybe she doesn't know herself all that much either? Nobody really asked for an explanation of that lauging I noticed.

It's not as if either girl got all the information which was discussed, far to busy looking/listening to each other (even though the talking was done in a weird way;-).

I figured Tara would apply the eye-cream for Willow, for some reason she shied away from that oppertunity. Maybe 'cos she still feels guilty for causing it?

Grimmy

[sarejester]

Hey guys,
Dont have a heap of time right now, my term is finishing and I have soo bloody many things to do so updates will be brief,
one every two days or so,

singgirl

Okay, question for the dumb american I know what crumpets are. What is milo?

not a dumb question at all, Milo is a grainy power form of chocolate, a milo is milo power, suger, hot water and milk, ( not acually sure why i over explained that..) Its fecking fantasitic though, if your ever in New Zealand you have to get some, Id sent you some over but one of our goverments would confiscate it, not sure why but they would,
You also need a lock on your door to keep the crazy one out,
then you can read the updates in peace,

kimberley,
Make kimberley her own disclaimer when naughty goodness happens...check,

Grimmy

I thought it a bit sad that Tara had to laugh at anyone asking her help fighting evil.

I think if someone asked me to help save the world, i would laugh my arse of as well, even if i knew all about hellmouthy type things, Its just a human instint, ...well mine,

and my gorgeous S-B-R, Anna,
Get better right now!! youve had your warnings...you know what im talking about, dont make me pay for a holiday to oz!

Ok i have to get going, our flat is having a Mid Winter Christmas and two of them are drinking the cooking wine and dancing round the house to Usher...Ohy...

Littke update,
Willow and Tara next update,

Chapter seven B
Disclaimer chapter one,
enjoy...


On the short drive to Casa de Summers, Buffy felt her attention split three ways, first and most importantly the road, secondly Kate who was fiddling with the radio, and third the quiet Redhead in the back,

‘Kate looks so cute, she sticks her tongue out when she’s concentrating… which reminds me, road Buffy watch the road, She’s so different from anyone I’ve ever dated… or wanted to date, she doesn’t want anything from me, she’s not pressuring me, and the obvious…she has breasts…. boy does she have breasts’
As Kate played with the radio stations she watched Buffy covertly as the slayer looked her up and down and went of to Buffy’s happy space, “Buffy….Road, you might want to be watching it”

Kate couldn’t wipe the cheeky smile of her face, ‘its such a nice feeling to know you’re wanted’ Feeling slightly giddy, Kate chanced a look up at Buffy, and nearly lost it, Buffy had a death grip on the steering wheel and was a lovely shade of red, ‘oww cute girl’
Kate couldn’t help but become more and more smitten with this one, she was intriguing, deep, and so...so…. bugger it, she was bloody gorgeous,
Kate just had to figure out how to ask ‘the chosen one’ out on a date without
A) Scaring her of,
B) Offending her,
C) Or Kate’s personal favorite, getting knocked into next week,
Fairly confident that C was not going to happen, Kate was now stuck with D, what would be an exciting and/or fun date for someone who saves the world on a weekly basis,

Willow was sitting in the back seat quietly putting the cream Tara had given her on her eyes a little disappointed Tara had not applied the mixture herself, after putting a small amount on her lids she instantly feeling the cream start to cool the irritation.
Willow sat back and sighed with pleasure as the pressure and tingling sensations finally ebbing away after a morning full of nauseating white spots and near black outs, Willow thought it best not to mention the small details of how painful her eyes actually were, The pain was worth seeing Tara face to beautiful face,
‘I might have to ring later and thank her for the cream…yeah…that is the polite thing to do after all, nothing to do with the fact that I want to hear that voice again, nothing at all, nope nope nope, all with the innocent and polite here’
Smooshing down in her seat Willow finally felt relaxed,
Thinking back to the conversation she had with Tara today Willow thought it was stunted and very general, Putting it down to jitters Willow began making a list of casual topics to bring up when she called the blonde,

After dropping Kate of at the dorms Buffy sat almost catatonically, staring sightlessly out the window with the engine running, Willow who had run to get some overnight clothes, yanked open the door mumbling something about Kansas and socks but stopped dead as she saw Buffy’s expression, getting in quietly Willow put her bag in the back and slowly put her hand on Buffy’s leg with out taking her eyes of the sightless blonde,
“Buffy?….Buff?” Slowly responding to her name Buffy looked up at Willow with tears in her eyes, taking a slow breath in Buffy found her voice, “I like Kate”
Willow understood immediately, knowing this was a crucial part of the process Willow internally sighed at what she had to do “Buffy I’m glad you and Kate get along, its good to know your friends…”
Buffy shook her head violently, “No Will, you don’t understand, I….I think I’m kinda gay” Looking up at Willow with frightened eyes Buffy asked quietly “are you freaked?”
Willow had tears in her eyes, she wished she could come out and tell Buffy about herself but that would be selfish right now, this moment was for Buffy, and Buffy alone and she wouldn’t cheapen it “No Buff, Not at all…you’re my best friend and I’ll take you anyway I can have you” after a beat Willow realized what she had said “Wait a sec…I didn’t mean that in the come hither sense…You know what I mean, besides if I was going to leave you don’t you think I would have done it when I found out that you were the slayer and that the whole vampire, demon thing was real, I love you and NOTHING is going to change that”

Buffy burst into tears, sobbing mercilessly into her hands, only to be haled into Willows arms, “Buffy, its okay, see the sky didn’t fall, don’t you listen to Henny-penny…or which ever farm animal type creature said it would, Your okay, I'm okay, take a deep breath” Willow could hear Buffy take deep shuddering breaths, “…was so scared…..tell you……didn’t want …….” Willow understood more then Buffy knew right now, Rubbing Buffy’s back Willow made soothing noises until Buffy was ready,

Sitting up Buffy gave Willow a crushing hug which Willow returned with enthusiasm, smiling slightly Willow teased a little “ Buffy…lungs….I need air, don’t get all butch on me now”
Laughing Buffy pulled back and wiped her eyes, “ Thank god for waterproof mascara huh?” Checking her eyes in the rear vision mirror Buffy felt as if a huge weight had been taken off her shoulders, “Kay now I’m officially late to work, I’ll drop you home, and ring you later?”

Dropping Willow at the house Buffy took Willow’s hand and squeezed it, “Will….Thanks” Willow smiled and nodded once, waving as Buffy pulled away from the curb,
Taking a deep breath, she turned and walked into what was once her home,

[kimberley]

Thanks for the update, there wasn't a lot of action but loads of emotion...wow the buffy coming out to willow part was superb...so ironic for willow too haha. It was done really tenderly. And it was very dramatic in the sense that i was not expecting it to happen at all.

The 'how to ask someone on a date' bit also hit real close to home for me since this is what i plan to do with a friend of mine this coming saturday. lol..Although im not going down kates road....i have the house free, a bottle of spiced gold rum and a video i want to play for her....no its not a dirty video!!

[sarejester]

Sorry not an update,
Have so much work to do this comming week and the week just been has been hectic,
just writing to say the next update is in the works but might be a wee while coming...not sure when im gonna be able to do it,

kimberley

i have the house free, a bottle of spiced gold rum and a video i want to play for her

Good luck with your girl!!!
( and if it doesnt work out with her (knock on wood it will) let me know cos girl, you plan one hell of a nice date!!
the lesbian-type kitten force is with you...

[singgirl]

Oh, ok, that was fun. Poor Buffy, all stressed out and all. I really am anxious, waiting for the next update, I never feel they are long enough!! I read, only to wait It's a horrid horrid cycle.

[grimlock72]

Interesting, Buffy comes out before Willow does... maybe 'cos she doesn't thinks things through (and come to lord knows how many possible disaster scenarios like Wllow tends to do??:)). I do wonder how long Willow can keep Buffy's secret, living in a dorm room with the woman of Buffy's dreams and all..

Willow is a polite girl indeed, planning to properly thank Tara later . I also looooved this line: " Willow began making a list of casual topics to bring up when she called the blonde", planning 'casual things'... sounds like Willow al right

I wonder what Tara is thinking about their last meeting. It bothers me that she's all alone without friends around, must be lonely

grimmy

[sarejester]

Hey Guys,
sorry again- not an update just a quick note to say im officually out of action till next week, a Mamoth update then I promise,

I do wonder how long Willow can keep Buffy's secret, living in a dorm room with the woman of Buffy's dreams and all

Hey Grimmy, Im not sure if im reading this right but Kate allready knows how Buffy feels, ( unless your not talking about that...or.....i wrote that scene perticually bad...Im now really confused)
The scene im talking about is the one where Buffy marks her teritorry( littrally) with the marker on Kates arm.
Let me know if im just crazy,

Singgirl
Sorry dude, that update took heaps out of me, i wrote that so rutting late i had to fight to keep my eyes open that long, next ones gonna be a goodie though,

kimberley dude hope your date went well,

see you guys next week with an update,
ciao

[kimberley]

Hey Sare thanks for letting us know what is happening...im really looking forward to the next update now...ps thanks for asking and yes my date really turned into one of the best nights of my life lol.