by 2trew » Sat Jun 15, 2002 11:23 pm
I realize that your question was asked in fun, but I must object to being asked if I am Joss. That's just a level or two beyond the limits of civilized discourse. I don't deserve that kind of villification. (A technically savvy person would insert a smiley here to indicate that I'm being friendly and kidding.)
I would love to write for Buffy. I have a wonderful story arc. The season opens with this shot: it's Spike, standing and looking out at Sunnydale (any resemblance to his soliloquy just before he was captured by the Initiative is purely intentional) and saying "Well, Slayer, I'm back, and I said you were going to get what you deserved, and you are. I'm gonna..." PHWOOSH, Spike is dusted. As he dissipates in the wind, we see Andrew standing behind him with a stake.
Cut to the "Previously, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer" bit, and into a regular episode, in which Anya makes a change that ONLY brings Tara back, no more changes to the universe, Spike still getting on people's windshields, and we get the last two minutes of Entropy and the first forty minutes of Seeing Red all over again. DeKnight is brought back from Angel to give his particular version of an interview on the Succubus Club, treating the outraged Spuffies to all the sympathy he showed the Kittens. Whedon is interviewed and says that JM will be back, but Spike won't. A week later, Marti Noxious is interviewed, and says that Spike will be back, but JM won't. Most fans don't take that too seriously, since she's fired the next day.
Spike is not mentioned on screen again for the next 20 episodes. Clem gets a lot of time, and the Scoobs go back to being the people we watched the show for. Many, many conservative groups complain that BTvS has become nothing more than softcore lesbian porn due to the amount of W/T steaminess that dominates the show. Firefly is taken off the air after three episodes.
While all this is happening, of course, dilligent Kittens who shall remain nameless (me alone if necessary) are cruising the Buffy boards on the internet and registering the shock and horror with which Spike's demise is greeted. Every time we find a post about that, we dig out what that individual had to say about Tara's death and change the name Tara to Spike and post the entire quote, including the nick of the original poster, as a reply.
The second to last episode of the season is pretty much all Willow and Tara's wedding, with Willow's new employer, a massive tech firm that's just offered her a ridiculous salary and a lot of stock options, footing the bill. We last see our girls waving from the corporate jet as they wing their way to Bali for their honeymoon. Miss Kitty Fantastico, it turns out, had been living on the plane as a mascot for the last couple of years.
In the last two minutes of the final episode of the season (the Big Bad turned out to be the Fear Demon, the whole arc was handled in 30 seconds with him appearing and Clem accidentally squishing him), the doorbell rings at casa Summers. Buffy answers it, and we see Johnathan standing there. She asks what he's doing there. He replies "Don't you recognize me, pet? It's me, Spike".
As an aside, Angel has wrapped up its last season in a fully satisfactory manner. I know that may be off topic (like the whole post isn't, but I was replying to xita, so I'm relying on a technicality here) but given what comes in the next paragraph and liking that show I want at least one more happy ending.
Whedon, obviously much the worse for drink, appears on the Succubus Club. He swears by all he holds holy (according to Producer Ethan, later on, that appeared to be the bottle of Thunderbird he was waving around during the vow) that he'll explain it all next season, which will be the best season ever, Spuffy goodness all around, because he's learned his lesson about killing off important characters and he's got nothing else to do but concentrate on BtVS. He mentions many times that he's planned Spike's death since the week before he started writing the first season.
A week later, UPN announces that they're not picking up BtVS. Their bid for Gilmore Girls is rejected.
As a hard-core Trekkie, I stuck with Voyager through its darkest days, but Jeri Ryan really pulled it through... kinda like W/T has for Buffy.. have you seen her on Boston Public?
