Can I just remind people...

[Penrose Orleans]

Don't worry, the bitchiness will come in its time (just wait till you get pissed... it's what I do! ) Also, it'll be neat to be a sloth! Nothing to do but eat and hang, and you grow mold!!!! But it makes you really cute and fuzzy, so no big deal.

[The SciFi Bard]

hey all
[b:5abdca3ba8]{{{{warm hugs to all who want them}}}}[/b:5abdca3ba8]

I'll try and keep this succinct, and not ramble (as is my [i:5abdca3ba8]want[/i:5abdca3ba8] to do, on occasion)

Having had to endure the mockingly 'needed' [i:5abdca3ba8]slap in the face[/i:5abdca3ba8] (long ho nails and a bloody knuckleduster included, by M.E.) of watching Tara die on BtVS, (after I had continually stood up for Joss, believing solidly in him without question, stating he just wouldn't kill her off to all unsundry) [b:5abdca3ba8]while[/b:5abdca3ba8] I was at possibly my lowest ebb [i:5abdca3ba8]ever[/i:5abdca3ba8], I was devastated, and could barely comprehend the events that followed. So much so, that I still haven't watched any of the episodes AFTER her shooting. I just cannot bring myself to.

I won't bore you with details of just why this plotline almost prompted me check out of the 'Lifetime Motel', but suffice it to say, I planned never to watch another episode of BtVS again.

It was additionally horrid for me though, (in a way that I fully realize is silly, naive and unnecessary) for, seeing Amber as Tara each week, at least let me KNOW she was ok. Sure - I've only met her once or so, spent a while in her company, talked to her about Chance, offered to buy her a coffee and a quiet 20 minutes, stuff like that, no biggie - BUT, she called me [i:5abdca3ba8]her[/i:5abdca3ba8] "friend", and so I consider myself thus, UNTIL such a time as she tells me otherwise. Ergo, as her friend, I worry about her, cause I know just how jolly bloody hard she works. (Multiproject-girl much!)
So, the subtraction of her presence from the show, left me completely in the dark as to my usual weekly fix of Bensony-wellbeing-goodness. No matter what the plot, seeing her [i:5abdca3ba8]dans the flesh[/i:5abdca3ba8], always made me more content and at ease.
A (at least) outwardly-healthy Benson, makes for a happy Bard you see.

(yes, and I have cottoned on to the fact I am starting to ramble.....*mental self-slap & a giddyup*)

However, after a lengthy self-imposed absence from all things Buffyverse, (sadly, including the Kitty Board) I have just read here that Amber IS to return to the series next season after all!

So, I have a teeny tiny thread of hope to hold onto now.
[b:5abdca3ba8]Which is good.[/b:5abdca3ba8]
Cause I never realized quite how much the W/T dynamic meant to me, until it was so cruelly taken away.

so,
what I would REALLY like to say right now is:
[b:5abdca3ba8]
THANK YOU to those of you who posted here, and let me find the happy happy news of my absolute fave persons' return to the little glowing entertainment box in my bedroom.

THANK YOU to ALL of you who post here, for STILL being here, and reminding me that at least some things in life ARE good and that some people ARE decent human beings.

THANK YOU for making me smile once again.[/b:5abdca3ba8]

*end of ramble*

{{{unlimited hugs to all}}}

multus amor
pax et libertas

[b:5abdca3ba8]The Sci-Fi Bard[/b:5abdca3ba8]
Amber Benson's "sweet kitty friend"

p.s. (not that I can do much at all, but) I'd be more than happy to add my voice to any petitions, statements, pleas, etc, which are aimed at trying to re-ignite the W/T fire. It sustained me, therefore I wish to add my own little bundle of kindling if I can.

[b:5abdca3ba8]p.p.s. I will do absolutely anything remotely within my power, to see this board remain strong and available to all who use and adore it. No matter what happens on BtVS.[/b:5abdca3ba8]

[Killin Joke]

LOL Well, I can recall a few episodes where "shy" Joke turned into "take charge" Joke, like Tara, who proved to excell at that. -> e.g. angry rant against an Egyptian carriage-driver, who was leading his horses and us with 'm into some obscure alley, instead of the marketplace we were supposed to end up at. Sure surprised my aunt and the woman and man who were with us. Didn't expect it from me (could be because I had trouble breathing -> horse hair allergy, and didn't want to die in the godforsaken slums <G>).
Or: rift with my best friend, when I finally gave her a piece of my mind (we never ever had any quarrels before): everything's ok again now, but she still remembers, 's very sorry...
Or: when I get mad at my sister and weird psychic stuff seems to happen: I prophesized her favourite concert would get cancelled and yep: got me a strange look; tire of her bycicle turned flat after a raw... Hmm, maybe I do possess some wiccan powers: better be careful with it, before I turn all dark-haired (hey, I'm blonde, blue-eyed, I'm supposed to be the good girl ) and veiny... /yikes/
Anyway, when people are good-natured most of the time, and "do" raise their voice, it has more of an impact. Dammit, I want to see more W/T development... Saw the ep where it really got to Willow this Percy-prick called her a nerd... She and Tara have grown so much. It's just wrong to have these rare characters on tv taken away from us...
P.S. I think I'll make the sloth my mascot, since it seems I won't be doing much work today

[Penrose Orleans]

It's good to be able to occasionally show your claws.. otherwise, it just builds up till it's all icky, right??? I can definitely identify with the letting loose on a friend thing (it's not cool, and we never reconciled) but I'm glad you worked things out.

The major benefit of having the sloth as a mascot is that it's the only animal that's also a mortal sin (correct me if I'm wrong, people! ). It's June, life is good, and we can definitely be slothful.

[Killin Joke]

Yep. "Sometimes you have to stand and fight." (Xena) I'm so much like my mum in that respect: really introvert, keeping it all locked up inside, untill the bubble bursts, the bomb explodes... And then it's: get out while you can, run for your life, the hills, whatever

Sorry to read about your "former" friend. I had the impression my friend didn't get it at first, but after that she really wanted to make up for it, proved she wasn't going to blew her second chance. It's tricky, though: once this bond of trust is broken, it's hard to mend that: you can never truly go back to the way things were before. Anyway, it was not like she lied to me or anything, like some of my male friends did. I don't handle liars well: one lied behind my back: dunno what to believe anymore: he lives in his own world, making up stories... Other lied in my face, trying to set me up against my sister (Yeah, that's the way to go with a feminist like me ). He hurt my little sis (painful words) and that's not something I forget (even if my sister is much more forgiving). Geez, what is it with me today: emotional spill your guts-day ? <G>

Yay, June (my birthdaymonth), festivalweather, almost the end of the exam: summer holiday: here I come: sun, music, drinks, BBQ, lazily lying around doing nothing, sleep (how I missed thee !), con, travelling,... Ooh, and fanfic, first W/T video's !

[Warduke]

Ive already said that I do understand why some people will be watching S7, but I dont understand why people want to discuss it [b:120a6e2168] here[/b:120a6e2168].

Herethe very place that talked about how Joss screwed us over, how unfair/lame/stupid the whole Tara dying/DMW thing was, talked about the dead lesbian clich, and how some of the writers were beyond arrogant in some interviews and finally how bad the show has becomeand now what? Just start discussing it again, as if nothing ever happened? No way in hell Im ever gonna do that. I will [b:120a6e2168] never[/b:120a6e2168] give them the satisfaction of knowing I still watch the show and discuss it after everything that happened, no way!

Wouldnt that just make Joss day, telling people See, I told you so, they bitched, they whined, they complained, but in the end, they still watch and theyre still discussing the show, what a bunch of hypocrites, I told you they were my bitches.

I for one will not be bending over to see how bad ME can fuck me up the ass...again.

If [b:120a6e2168] Tara[/b:120a6e2168] comes back (not Amber as someone else but as our Tara) and thats a big if, then that changes everything, but until *that* happens, I won't be watching.

[Penrose Orleans]

That's the spirit!!! Eh, former friend, don't know if she was ever really a friend. She got boyfriend who hates me and it went downhill from there (FAST! ) So here's to bitchness, W/T and June!!!

[Killin Joke]

/understanding / Ah, it's always the boyfriend, innit... In my case, it happened in the first year of university. Typical: I could really relate to Buffy-eps like The Yoko Factor back then, when Buffy actually represented something, real social involvement worked both ways.
So, she fell in love with this guy (first true relationship), they hooked up, and suddenly she forgot all about me and my other friends. I gave her space (new experience and all, she was happy), focussed on my other friends, but at the end of the year (end results weren't that good), I could really have used her support. I mean, I've always been there for her. Guess the expression: in need, one knows his/her friends, is true after all. After her boyfriend broke up with her, she fell in a black whole of course, and realized who her true friends were. Boyfriends have come and gone, but she's never forgotten her past mistake, and makes sure she doesn't neglect her friends, coz they'll always be there when it counts.

Ah well... /raises glass/ To W/T, holidays and bitchdom ! (preferably in that order, although the last two are interchangable (is that a word ?))

[Penrose Orleans]

But of course it is! And even if it weren't, the bitch factor would MAKE it a word!!! That's the thing with wayward friends... they either learnt he lesson REALLY well or they're gone... I'm not so bothered by it anymore, though, so no sadNora today! Tell me, what fun activities does summer bring for you? (Other than sloth, which is everyone's best friend )

[AutumnT]

Speaking of bitchiness. Here I am. There is a daily OT thread for general chit chat as well as a general chat thread.

[Penrose Orleans]

Well, maybe that wasn't the pinnacle of bitchiness, Autumn, but we're in line!

Warduke, I agree with you completely, but I think we shouldn't preclude the minute possibility that we could have a semi-fulfilling season in terms of resolving/experiencing W/T. It's not likely-- hell, I'm not placing any bets, but we should be bitter now and get it out of our system

[Killin Joke]

Heh ! I'm starting to like this bitch-level... If it means grabbing the power to create new words... Why, I think I'm gonna devote a whole chapter with praising terms and expressions to Amber and Aly

It's good you don't let 'it' bug you that much anymore. Summers are not meant to be sad anyway (desperately trying to only see the good W/T stuff). Besides sloth, huh... Hmm, toughie... Ok, next weekend, next week, I'll be rocking in Werchter (summer festival), BBQ the evening before I get my end results, then a bunch of my northern Dutch friends come over to spend the weekend: first real sleep-over: should be fun, last Starfury: Chariots of war-convention in England, where I'll get to meet three bad girls from Xena: Hudson Leick (Callisto), Claire Stansfield (Alti), Melinda Clarke (Velasca) and the Timothy Omundson (Eli: ultimate goody-two-shoes: hope he can hold his own between three wicked women ) Let's see, what's next: oh, I'm going to Ireland for 9 days: hope the Irish kitties can give me some nice tips, where the hotspots are, if it's on our way... August and September will probably be reserved for reexaminations and research for my amazon-thesis. That's about it. How 'bout you ? Any plans yet ?

Added: Sorry, Autumn... Got a lil carried away there... Mods, feel free to remove this post, or even delete it (as punishment )

[RayneFire]

[quote:3fcc177a5a][b:3fcc177a5a][i:3fcc177a5a]Quote:[/i:3fcc177a5a][/b:3fcc177a5a]

---

Ive already said that I do understand why some people will be watching S7, but I dont understand why people want to discuss it here.

---

[/quote:3fcc177a5a]

Personally, I don't care if the show gets discussed here or not. The thing I'm having a problem with is how negative the board has gotten. You can barely go to any thread without seeing someone tearing down the show. It seems like the negativity is in every single thread.

This is no longer a Willow/Tara board. It's a Willow/Tara and bash ME/BtVS board. I'm hoping that if you ban discussion of the show, you'll ban both the positive [b:3fcc177a5a] and[/b:3fcc177a5a] negative discussion of the show.

[Penrose Orleans]

That's probably best for everyone's mental health, RayneFire! I think if you wait a while, it'll die down-- no one can talk about only one thing (hating ME) for too long... we'll branch out eventually, and have much fun!

[Katharyn]

No see... we might not. I am with RayneFire on this - at least in part. As news comes in from spoilers and eps next for S7 I can see the chance that the bitching will just continue. It might just go on and on and on.

I know people are angry. I am too but I can be angry without having the fires stoked here - not just for the summer but for [b:c3c7edc079]all next year[/b:c3c7edc079] too. If we do not have BTVS here at all when the Tara/Amber spec is resolved then the bitching about ME/Joss/BTVS etc relating to [b:c3c7edc079]S7[/b:c3c7edc079] needs to stop too. All of it. Because RayneFire is right... it permeates virtually every thread - no matter how that starts out.

That is natural, a reaction to what we are feeling. But if it goes on all next S7 on a board that was supposed to be doing without BTVS then that would be a terrible shame.

If we do without BTVS then, once again I say [b:c3c7edc079]all of it relating to S7[/b:c3c7edc079] Good and Bad. No "See how shite they have continued to make it." No... "look what else they are doing to Willow." No "they have forgotten Tara." All of it should stop if that is the decision. That, at least, will let us try to get back to what being a Kitten was and what ME took away from us.

I am not taking the position that the board should do without BTVS regardless of the Amber/Tara situation and what might happen. Nor the reverse of that. I am just giving an opinion that if the former of those is the case the break needs to be total. In that case we are saying that W/T ended in S6... Okay then just ignore S7 entirely on this board and let us get back to what we do best. Being kittens.

Actually I still sort of hope that there is a way that the situation can be improved - even if it can never be made right.

Katharyn
-------------

[Warduke]

Rayne, I understand where you're coming from, but what do you expect? That what happened on the show would just be overlooked? That we would mourn, a week or two and then move on to praising ME and the show again? No way in hell.

Like I said, I do get what you're saying about what's happened to the board, but the negativity is completely normal and to be expected, the killed off the very reason this board exist, no Tara, no more W/T, and this is a W/T board, so how can people not be angry and bitter?

[Wiccagrrl313]

Personally, I'd rather we did have a discussion/spoiler thread for those Kittens who are still watching. I may not be watching next year (depends on where things go), and I am definitely on board with the bitterness, but especially if Amber is on the show next year, there will be a lot of Kittens watching, and I'd hate to see them feeling ostricized. I get the "There are other places to discuss the show" pov, BUT... this is home for a lot of people in a way the other boards aren't, and many of those other places have proven themselves to be less-than-Kitten friendly. And frankly, I'm far more concerned with my fellow Kittens than any slight satisfaction Joss or others may get from knowing that some of us are still watching, if not necessarilly lovin' every minute of it.

[Hair Annoyed]

See, this is why I mentioned the old Spoiler Forum a while back. It was a place you could go to rant and vent and get all of the negativity out before coming over here to the Kitten. I think a thread or two about BtSV either positive or negative or both wouldn't be enough. There's a greater possibility of leakage into other threads. I think there needs to be a New Forum of some sort were various threads can be opened and different slants on the show can be discussed. Limit S7 discussion, both pos. and neg., to that Forum. Leave the Kitten discussion for daily chat, W/T shipping (sans bitterness), A/A sightings, GLBT issues, things like that as it is now, and police it diligently to make sure none of the New Forum discussion comes here. The Pens, as always, would be the place for continuing W/T goodness.

Even if Tara were to come back (which I don't believe will happen), there are a number of people who are still bitter about her killing and who will remain so. There are those who will leave the Kitten if BtVS is discussed and those who will leave if it isn't discussed. A New Forum is the only solution that I can think of that might just appease both. The Kitten can remain a place of refuge W/T shippers while at the same time there is a place made for BtVS discussion.

Can't we all just get along?

[xita]

Well, I want us eventually to move on from this because I don't want Joss Whedon to hurt me forever, I want to get to a point where his words don't sting. They still do, unfortunately. And I wouldn't want that to consume the board indefinitely. Still, of course the kitten is the only safe place to be angry, I just would like it to decrease and become more contained. I am not sure how long that will take but I hope this summer we can begin to heal.


Also, Tracy, I hear what you are saying and it is that thought process which is still leaving the question up in the air. I just want people to know that option has not been discounted.

[Dave V]

As one of the "bitter" contingent, I also think a separate "New Forum" on the board may be the answer. It could be the place where S7 could be discussed, away from those who do not wish to have any more contact with BtVS, and leaving the Kitten the haven it once was. The main board could then be policed against anger/bitterness very effectively. This might make the New Forum an angsty place, similar to the former Spoiler Forum.

Spoliers themselves might be completely disallowed, to keep the trolls away. Spoiler ho's (if there would be any left) would have to take it somewhere else.

[bzengo]

I too would love to see a place where I can be bitter, without feeling like I'm making others uncomfortable, given how totally NOT over it I am. If anything, I'm getting more angry each week. Also, I would like a place where Season 7 can be discussed. I agree that neither of these belong on the main board.

And as always, I'll abide by whatever Xita and the other moderators think best. Just putting in my two cents.

[Charlie]

[b:dfdaae286e] [quote:dfdaae286e][b:dfdaae286e][i:dfdaae286e]Quote:[/i:dfdaae286e][/b:dfdaae286e]

---

I for one will not be bending over to see how bad ME can fuck me up the ass...again.

---

[/quote:dfdaae286e][/b:dfdaae286e]
Amen brother...

I guess I think the idea of a new and separate forum might work. I'm just worried that you'll just attract the trolls back again, spoilers or no. Having a board which, for most people, will have the sole purpose of venting against BtVS doesn't really cover the people who are still trying to be fans of the show. Personally I don't have enough faith left to believe that the boy Whedon has anything left enough up his sleeve that will salvage the show for me, but I guess I can sympathise with the people who want to keep watching.

I have no answers but I like the fact this is getting talked about. It needs to be, even if we go round in circles for a while. No decisions need to be made till the new season anyway. I just want the Kitty to move forward. We can't hate and vent forever - that just harms us, not Whedon and ME. They don't care about us anyway, that's been made blatantly clear. The board needs to come back to Willow and Tara and to the community here.

[KJchicago]

Thanks Tyche for opening up this discussion.

I am still angry at M.E. - I really do want to get over it. But it just was senseless.

Thank goodness for the Pens and the safety net of the Kitten board.

I don't care if I ever read spoilers again. From the time that Angel X gave us the confirmation through having to wait through all those reruns earlier this spring just prolonged the sadness. And, I know once Seeing Red aired, I no longer wanted to discuss the episodes.

This could just be my reaction and how raw the feelings still are even after weeks of mourning.

I will of course be supportive of whatever the moderators decide.

[kpmuse]

Just wanted to share some thoughts I've had about this subject.
It might just be too soon for some of us to talk about how the board will evolve or to make our pain less vocal here at the Kitten. It is the only place to be with people who understand and accept how you feel about Willow & Tara.

I still feel the pain like an open wound, the anger and the bitterness of losing Willow & Tara. I cannot just make that go away in 1 month. I really, really wish I could. It will take time to heal and this place really helps in that process.

I mean we are still in the process of sending out letters voicing our concerns, voting to represent Willow & Tara love on the net, and watching the comments / media pieces out there about this situation. Our feelings are fueling this voice, and there is good reason to speak out.

Hard to say if it will feel ok seeing a general Buffy thread on a Willow & Tara shipper board when ME killed off our very reason for existence here. When I read about the future without Tara, the pain of losing Willow & Tara increases tenfold, so I try hard not to. Buffy Season 7 without Willow & Tara - our couple, well my heart just breaks.

When I think that Whedon is probably yanking us around to a) keep us around for next year b) shut us up now to stop the publicity, well it feels right to continue to speak out with as much feeling as we have.

I know time will help heal for sure. In the mean time, I hope we can all understand and be patient with all feelings including pain, sarcasm, bitterness & anger. I trust Kittens! Any group that love Willow & Tara well, you know!

At the heart of it, I trust Xita, Brian, Garfield and Len to lead this board in the right direction at the right time, and I know they will be fair with consideration for all Kittens. That's what makes this the best place to be!

[sam7777]

To be honest there are very few places to be bitter about Tara's death. In most other boards, the cliche is seen as a figment of the Kitten's warped imagination. It would be a shame no to be able have a place to vent. I think it could be limited to a few threads like a rant thread and a "season 7 the bad thread".

The bitterness has died down alot from the time of the Spoiler Archive. In fact, I think it is limited to a few threads and is not a genral board thing. For example, only about 5 out of 24 threads on the first page as of 1:30PM PST have negative comments about the show:
"Just the facts, Spin Vs reality"
"Can I just remind people... "
"Behind the Scenes of BtVS"
"Guess what folks? We made Sci-Fi Wire!"
"Vote for the girls"

We could have a "Season 7 Willow/Tara news thread" but I can't see discussing the show much on this board if there is no Willow/Tara. There really are other boards to discuss what happens to Willow on the show. There are really no other places to discuss the negative impact of Tara's death on gay teen or how it is yet another instance of the lesbian cliche. "Just the facts Spin vs reality" must continue as should the thread "A running list of media pieces on Buffy/the cliche".

I think that if you want positive view of BTVS, the Bronze board is a better place for that. I doubt in light of what happended and the fact that Tara isn't coming back according to Joss that the kitten board will ever be praising BTVS the way it used too.

editted to fix spelling.

[Katharyn]

See though... a new forum can't [b:c0cd14e610]just[/b:c0cd14e610] be a place to vent IMHO. There are those (of which I am not one) who want to discuss S7... and the possibilities therein as positive things. At least until those are proved false (or not). If those possibilities come to pass then, for better or worse, those will still be topics for discussion.

And others will, for better or worse, want to vent about those same things from a different PoV entirely.

Open debate, moderated, might work... but I do so fear an "us v's them" situation there. Who can shout the loudest when opinions get heated...? It already happens to a lesser degree at times. Nothing too bad... but I can see what I fear ad I do not like the possibility.

Possibly something like the old hope thread and a vent thread - there could be a firm division - but even that just increases the amount of moderation required and fuzzies the issue up again.

The answer is not simple and I do not envy Xita at all... I will just go with [i:c0cd14e610]whatever[/i:c0cd14e610] she decides, support that and use self-censorship to deal with anything I do not personally agree with - I will just accept it and get on with being a kitten again, which is why I am here at all now.

Cos I love this place and the Kittens.

Oh and W/T...

Kay?

Katharyn
----------------

[Garner]

Well I'm glad we are hearing all sides of the argument and discussing this now, even if nothing gets settled entirely. I figured there would be a split between those who want to discuss stuff and those who don't. So far I like the idea of having a separate forum for season 7 and the bitterness it is likely to raise.

See, I am sort of over the anger, but every time MN or someone says something it all comes hurtling back. I suppose that means I really am still angry about the whole affair. I can't see this getting any better once the next season starts. Some of us will be watching, and something will get said on the board. I think that is inevitable, and maybe Xita and all the mods can stamp those out, but I think some would get through and it would take up quite a it of their time. Limiting the potential damage to one area sounds like a decent idea. I will admit that giving Joss any satisfaction makes me want to hurl, but as many have said this is the only safe haven out there. Having a place to vent and steam is probably a useful thing.

I don't think there is any liklihood of the real Tara returning. It bites and sucks and all that but preparing for that, as a board at least, is probably a good idea.

Garner

[Hemiola]

I have to get on board with Wiccagrrl1313 and Raynefire and state that a lot of the language on the board makes me uncomfortable. One of the great joys of this place was the "this-is-a-house-of-love" feeling that permeated it. This seems to have been replaced with something like--
"I hate Joss/ME."
"No. I hate him/them [i:662f5ea058] more[/i:662f5ea058]!"
"Oh yeah. Well, I want to rip his head off."
"Sez you. [b:662f5ea058] I[/b:662f5ea058] want to rip his head off and defecate in his neck!"
etc.
etc
etc

Frankly, all the negativity of this venom/hatred/vitriol/anger can get a little...wearing. Don't get me wrong, we all have right to be angry and upset (after all, it means you care ), but I think we can restore the old atmosphere of this wonderful board without caring less about the fate of W/T. What do we accomplish if we wind up using the same sort of "hate-language" that one can find (sorry, I have to say it) on any number of right-wing/fundamentalist/neo-nazi/klan boards used against blacks, Jews, immigrants and, of course, gays.

I don't think it is being "disloyal" to W/T if one still wants to say positive things about "Buffy" and discuss the show. I sincerely hope that I will once again see the various "episode discussion threads" once Season 7 begins on this board and that I [i:662f5ea058] sooooo[/i:662f5ea058] looked forward to and enjoyed reading in the glory-days before "SR".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If you look for the bad in men, you will surely find it."
attributed to Abraham Lincoln

[xita]

I will tell you that I am very deliberate in my use of language. And it is deliberate and no I don't appreciate being compared to a klans person. You may not agree with the reasons but I assure you it is very deliberate. What you will find separates the talk here is the lack of a threat of violence and that to mean is a great deal different.

Also, there will not be episode discussion threads. There may be a buffy thread, but there will not be that much commitment to this show. I miss them too but not for the same reason, I miss them because it meant we could talk about w/t but now that isn't there.

[Penrose Orleans]

Yeah, and why be violent when you can be witty, intelligent, and most of all caring?