It's Rally is the New Big Bad Tuesday Miss Kitty Fantastico

[AutumnT]

It's recently come to light that Rally is in fact the root of all evil. I, of course, have known this for a while as evidence has shown she is indeed responsible for: the Colorado wildfires in a lame attempt to kill me, a little thing called Mount St. Helens, the 1976-77 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and New Coke.

What you also might not know is that Rally has been a "Creative Consultant" to Mutant Enemy for years now. I cannot remain silent any longer while innocents are blamed for their foibles. The following are transcripts from secret tapes I made and I share them now with you.

[i:9fce476daa] "Steve, dude, trust me. The best way to help a lesbian through grief is to mock her. I know these things. And Stevo? That pantless thing never gets old. Funny every single time."[/i:9fce476daa] -- Rally to Steve DeKnight to help him get over his radio jitters.

[i:9fce476daa] "Joss, did you know that the two most loving words women can say to each other are 'Your shirt'? Use that and the dykes will just eat it up with a spoon."[/i:9fce476daa] --Rally to Joss Whedon over a mocha at the Malibu Starbucks May, 2001.

[i:9fce476daa] "Um, Michelle? We're having trouble with the boom mic this scene can you really punch that next line starting with 'Get Out' so we can pick it up? We'll fix it in looping later."[/i:9fce476daa] --Rally giving onset advice to Michelle T.

[i:9fce476daa] "You know, nothing is hotter than Aly in a knit cap with a pom pom. Except maybe this little sleeveless red fuzzy number. Rwwwoooorrr."[/i:9fce476daa] --Rally shopping with the show's costumer

[i:9fce476daa] "Yellow crayons have incredible emotional resonance in our demographic."[/i:9fce476daa] --Rally to David Fury while breaking a script.

[i:9fce476daa] "You know what? The audience really doesn't need to see 15 seconds of that kiss let's cut it back. And while we are at it we really should cut that bit with Willow diving under the covers and Tara gasping. I mean this is the family hour."[/i:9fce476daa] --Rally to UPN standards and practices.

[i:9fce476daa] "Have you thought about conditioning Michelle's hair more? It's just so flat and lifeless."[/i:9fce476daa] --Rally to Buffy hairdresser.

[i:9fce476daa] "Seriously, I know you guys want to put Amber in the credits for the whole season, but trust me here. It will be hysterical this way. God, I'm laughing already."[/i:9fce476daa] --Rally to the writing staff.

[i:9fce476daa] "I know just what will shut up all those bitching and moaning. A girl that looks INCREDIBLY LIKE TARA but is not. It's a classic idea. Do you think Amber will mind dying her hair black?"[/i:9fce476daa] --Rally at a story meeting just 2 weeks ago.

I'm sure there are other incidents and you all may even be able to think of them. All I can say is I feel so much better getting this off my chest now.

[Penrose Orleans]

Dear Lord, I'm going to stop breathing for a minute... done. All right, now that's a way to welcome in new day!

[Pegalopolis]

Ok...this has been nagging at me in the back of my head...

-- "Yellow crayons have incredible emotional resonance in our demographic."--

I really could've bet money that Xander said red crayon, not yellow. Can my fellow kittens corroborate this for me. Small insignificant, but hey, I'm freakin' curious..

Wow, Rally, never knew you had so much "behind the scenes" impact. Thanks for the inside info, Autumn . Rally was certainly right on with Michelle T...she really needed to get those lungs behind the Get Out mantra. Good call. After that coaching, boy oh boy, she certainly nailed it. After a screech like that, ear wax would tumble out.

Peg

[Wiccagrrl313]

[i:c99174dc87] [b:c99174dc87] I knew it!!![/b:c99174dc87] [/i:c99174dc87]

[Rally]

Rally is evil... it must be Tuesday...

[BBOvenGuy]

I was there on the hilltop. It was a yellow crayon. The wind was blowing toward us once when Nick said the line.

If Rally is responsible for all that badness, is she also responsible for this little news item I found?

Britney Spears to star in NASCAR movie.

Well, I guess we know what she'll be doing instead of [i:31cc66ea4d] Buffy[/i:31cc66ea4d]!

[drlloyd11]

Nope, that was me..
[quote:48d7ff1531][b:48d7ff1531][i:48d7ff1531]Quote:[/i:48d7ff1531][/b:48d7ff1531]

---

I was there on the hilltop. It was a yellow crayon. The wind was blowing toward us once when Nick said the line.

If Rally is responsible for all that badness, is she also responsible for this little news item I found?

---

[/quote:48d7ff1531]

[maudmac]

[b:8bb503a686] Autumn[/b:8bb503a686], I'm so glad you've brought this menace to light. It's about time. Rally must be stopped. Now. Before someone gets hurt. *whispers* She's a [i:8bb503a686] goth[/i:8bb503a686], you know.

But I think your mic must not have been working all the time, because mine picked up a few other things.

[i:8bb503a686] "No, I'm serious. He's perfect. That man can emote like nobody's business. And his chemistry with Sarah is so hot, television sets the world over will be reduced to sputtering pools of melted plastic."[/i:8bb503a686] --- Rally, filling in for the casting director a few years back, selling Joss on Marc Blucas

[i:8bb503a686] "God, Emma, your hair looks like shit. Have you thought about lightening it?"[/i:8bb503a686] --- Rally to Emma at a GOP fundraiser

[i:8bb503a686] "Um...Joss? I don't mean to step on your godly toes, but...uh...outside? Don't you think the scene would...I don't know....[/i:8bb503a686]resonate [i:8bb503a686] more with the viewers if it happened inside? Maybe in the living room. Or how 'bout the kitchen? No! The basement! Lots of cool basement stuff this year. Oh my God! Wait! Wait! Check this out! Why don't we have her in the bedroom?!? That's PERFECT!"[/i:8bb503a686] --- Rally at the writers' meetings last summer

[i:8bb503a686] "Isn't there some way for James to be shirtless for this scene?"[/i:8bb503a686] --- Rally's mantra

[i:8bb503a686] "No, Marti, we really need to[/i:8bb503a686] hear [i:8bb503a686] the zipper. How else will the audience know what's happening?"[/i:8bb503a686] --- Rally to Marti

And, finally, this blast from the past:

[i:8bb503a686] "A whole episode about how evil beer is? Hot damn, it's about time! I fucking[/i:8bb503a686] [b:8bb503a686] HATE[/b:8bb503a686] [i:8bb503a686] beer!!!"[/i:8bb503a686]

[Rally]

Hmmm beeerrrrr....

[xita]

Rally is to blame for everything. I am glad you finally came forward Autumn cause this charade could not go on any longer. Wanda shared this with me.

Joss, you need to have a second shooter lurking on the grassy knoll, because Warren will never get to Tara from that angle - Rally July 2001

Nick's looking sickly, I think you should write some chip eating into the scripts. Rally to Marti Noxon Fall 2001.

[Rally]

heheh puffy xander, I lurve you.

[Katharyn]

[i:510deb226e]Nobody will notice if we lose the cat. So lose the cat.[/i:510deb226e] Rally after the shooting of Family.

Katharyn
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[AutumnT]

OK, I left one out.

[i:dfd8c24327] Seriously, Joss, I know this gives you a sad widdle tummy ache, but no one will miss Amber at all. That Clem. He's a hottie-boom-balotti. They won't even know she's gone if you put him in more.[/i:dfd8c24327] --Rally comforting Joss in a moment of doubt

[relativegirl]

Wow! When did this happen? Thanks to Doppelgang-Autumn we've all been fixated on Rally's fish for so long . . . .

When did you become Recently Gay? And may I congratulate you? Does your evilness correspond to your recently gay-ness? (I watch a lot of tv and according to tv there [i:9ecbf2ca18] is[/i:9ecbf2ca18] a correlation).

[The Rose24]

Rally.

[Rally]

[quote:6dbffd63e8][b:6dbffd63e8][i:6dbffd63e8]Quote:[/i:6dbffd63e8][/b:6dbffd63e8]

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Does your evilness correspond to your recently gay-ness?

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[/quote:6dbffd63e8]
I recently became gay, just this weekend in fact. Autumn turned me, and now she has found her sire is more evil than herself. That is why she is trying to expose my true nature.

[relativegirl]

Evil . . is . . . good.

[VampNo12]

Autumn and everyone else that was so freaking hilarious I spit out my soda while reading these posts. Lesson of the day don't drink and read the kitty at the same time ! And it's good to see we were able to expose Rally's evil attempt to convert the kitties into Joss worshippers in the "nick of time" !

[Rane018]

i dont know waht to say. this was hilefrikinlarious... thank you all for making me smile

[Willowlicious]

Autumn, I'm so glad that you're brave enough to take a stand against Rally's reign of terror. You're not alone, sweetie. I submit to you these snippets from Rally's nefarious BtVS past:

"Those girls have NOOOO freakin' chemistry. Keep the touching to a minimum for the rest of the season." [i:6c351b0cbf] Rally to Joss Whedon while viewing the laundry room dailies from "Hush."[/i:6c351b0cbf]

"Amber, for the love of god, keep your tongue in your mouth!" [i:6c351b0cbf] Rally in between takes of the reconciliation scene in "Entropy."[/i:6c351b0cbf]

"You can't kill the lesbian, Joss. No, I mean it. Don't defy me. You CANNOT do it. You don't have the balls." [i:6c351b0cbf] Rally shortly after reading the bestseller[/i:6c351b0cbf] Make Reverse Psychology Work for You!.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Haven't those poor kids suffered enough?! Pick on the lesbians for once." [i:6c351b0cbf] Rally coming to the defense of Xander and Anya when Rebecca Rand Kirschner suggested that Anya be the brainsuck victim in "Tough Love."[/i:6c351b0cbf]

"Marti, I really think you're ready to work without a net. Give me your bottle of Prozac. You just don't need it anymore. Good girl. You know, I'm sure this is going to be our best season yet. Go get 'em, Sunshine." [i:6c351b0cbf] Rally having a heart-to-heart with Marti Noxon in the Ladies Room right before the first writer's meeting of S6.[/i:6c351b0cbf]

"Amber's ass?! No one wants to see that! Move them away from that damn mirror!" [i:6c351b0cbf] Rally to crew while filming W/T's last kiss in "Seeing Red." Luckily, the shot was already in the can before she arrived on set.[/i:6c351b0cbf]

"Riff Regan is going to be a star. You're making a huge mistake, Joss." [i:6c351b0cbf] Rally at a casting meeting for the second pilot.[/i:6c351b0cbf]

"Hey, Nick, you forgot your donut!" [i:6c351b0cbf] Rally helping out at the craft services table.[/i:6c351b0cbf]

Amy

[Rally]

But wait, you guys forgot about this one time, at band camp, when I told Joss he should...

[maudmac]

Dammit, Rally, I'm so bitter about being deprived of Riff Regan. You didn't try hard enough.

Wait.

Ah HA! That was part of your evil scheme, wasn't it? Keeping Riff all to yourself. I see the truth now.

Damn you. Damn you to hell.

[Taz]

So Rally it was you all along, I should have known. After, all you have mentioned that you can be shall we say less than cheerful sometimes.

Really, Joss a positive portrayel of a lesbian couple is not what people need, what they need is Spike to almost rape Buffy and then get his soul back. That's where the real juice is.
What Dawn needs is constant instability, a sister that only kinda knows she's alive thats what life is about so just keep shaking her up, today's youth crave, want and most importantly need change not consistancy.

[Rally]

Ya see Taz, thing is, I hate my younger sister, she is a spoiled little bitch that has been sheltered her entire life. So ya know, I had to pass this little tidbit along to Joss so he could incorporate it into the show. Life sucks, then you die. So goes my motto, after, the ya know, James being shirtless thing... hubba hubba...

[Wiccagrrl313]

Rally to the writers as the end-of-season scripts were being finished. "These are great, really. Love the story, wonderful dialogue. The Buffy/Willow Smackdown? Classic. Just one thing... do you think we could manage to work the word "Bitch" in a few more times?"

[Rally]

Super bitch, that was me, cause who doesn't ya know bitch, who doesn't like a bitch. I mean not the clunky sandals but... I mean I am just saying what everyone is thinking right?

[AutumnT]

[quote:d9a73c4d7f][b:d9a73c4d7f][i:d9a73c4d7f]Quote:[/i:d9a73c4d7f][/b:d9a73c4d7f]

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"Amber, for the love of god, keep your tongue in your mouth!" Rally in between takes of the reconciliation scene in "Entropy."

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[/quote:d9a73c4d7f] LOL. And on the subject of the Riff Regan pilot. I like to call it the Alyson Hannigan appreciation video. It's shocking really.

[Taz]

I understand now Rally, very clever. We should have known that a man like Joss who always look like a slob at award shows couldn't be the root of all evil

[Rally]

To quote myself in chat:

[quote:c7027fb409][b:c7027fb409][i:c7027fb409]Quote:[/i:c7027fb409][/b:c7027fb409]

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The only thing worse than Amber and her tongue is her middle finger.

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[/quote:c7027fb409]
*Drumroll pleeeeezeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[AutumnT]

Dear God. Now it has gone to her head.