Relinquished Symmetry

[Emms]

Once again Cyd, that was so amazing. I was holding my breath the whole time! And the dorm room was the most perfect place to have done the spell. When Tara realized that Willow had been keeping the place up, herself, I almost cried! I hope they don't just do the spell and go home... the dorm room setting has lots of romatic possibilities....they should stay awhile...maybe they'll be able to forget everything else that has happend for awhile and talk....hey! hehe...maybe they'll talk all night long...and then maybe they'll kiss....which might turn into SMUT!! (Romantic SMUT!) And then maybe they'll decide that they will just live together in the dorm room...you know...cook meals, watch TV, sleep, raise a couple rowdy (but adorable) kids... yeah...this sounds like a good plan. what do you think Cyd?

btw... I love that you keep updating this story! Yay updates! Yay Cyd!

xoxo
Emms

[stillrunning]

*Sigh* I don't understand why I keep subjecting myself to the angst of this fic. It always makes me sad and mopey...but it's just soooo damn good!! I'm an addict I swear!!

This update was no different then any of the others. Seeing Willow the way she is continues to break my heart...just as seeing Tara trying to make things better has the same effect. What to do...what to do. Hopefully they can break down whatever's blocking them from each other and learn to cope...move on...something.

More soon please!

[ladydameon]

Now this is interesting…the pain of both Willow and Tara is so clear and tangible. Although the initial blame may be Willow’s (for not properly researching the spells, but that’s what the youth do – learn from mistakes?), I can’t help but blame Tara and in some ways more than I blame Willow and the Scoobies. Even in this alternate universe, Tara still has the gift of empathy, of seeing and understanding auras – to some extent, of seeing sources of power. Wouldn’t she have sensed her own source? Wouldn’t she have realized that she was actually leaching off of another human? Of course, Tara would have only saw this if she would bother to look.

So, Tara was so washed up in her own pain that she never questioned the source of her power. I totally get that. No questions asked, no answers you may not like. It seems obvious that Tara or Willow never forgot about the other one. The other was always on the other’s mind. Maybe this was why Tara never noticed anything?

What’s Tara going to feel once the power is gone?

What’s Willow going to feel once the power drain stops?

I stand behind Willow in this story. She’s in a position of great power and wealth without the magick. What’s going to happen when she’s up to full power? I can’t shake the image of Willow Rosenberg giving Wolfram and Hart a run for their money – and we’re talking some serious money! Now, she’s going to become seriously magick imbued on top of the occult knowledge and technological know-how. I don’t there’s nothing she couldn’t do.

I’m not saying Willow will go power hungry because she already has a great amount of power – enough to get her whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. Yet, I don’t see this Willow going the nasty way of Season Six Willow. This Willow knows how the game is played, how to manipulate the players in the game. This Willow has control, a twisted and unhealthy control but control all the same.

Well, I guess I rambled enough. Let’s just say, I don’t think there’s going to be a “happy” ending to this story anytime soon. The Scoobies may never be able to through to Willow on their own, but maybe with the help of Tara? I think Tara will have a hard enough time breaking through to Willow. Too much time has past, too much damage has been done.

[meretricious]

cyd, i won an award? cool! ( i would've settled for an ecard)
and beth orton rocks!
usually i don't mind cliffhangers in fic, after all the only update that's not a little cliffhanger-y in any fic is the last one, and sometimes even the endings leave something hanging, so i am normally left unruffled by the cliffhanger. this may be the first time i have resorted to yelling "that's it? you left it there? aggghhhh" at my computer. just "release". it's actually physically painful for me to think about it.
astounding that willow has preserved their dorm universe, even if it would be needed for the spell, that doesn't seem to be her primary motivation, she certainly didn't seem to be expecting tara's return. also love how even though willow has built fortress-like walls around herself, tara just has to say "please" and willow cracks a little.
so unless i read this wrong, they've only dealt with the simpler problem number one and left the "trickier" problem number two completely undiscussed. they both seem to be bending over backwards to want to please or help the other that they're rushing headfirst into things out of a sense of debt and pain. not sure severing magic connections is the right place to throw caution to the wind.
to sum up, beautiful dark and lovely writing(as usual) and physically painful cliffhanger. arrgggh.
so you're a silly sarcastic easily amused mostly content nutcase? i think we might be twins ~mary

[JustSkipIt]

Hey Cyd,
Wow, two updates. I love both of them so much. Part 16 is wonderful for the crowded tension. I could imagine and feel the whole tumult of people there and their mixed emotions. Who would think that Oz would be the anchor in that room. Actually it makes a lot of sense but it's kind of wierd. And Anya-wonderful, brilliant, inappropriate Anya. Way to cut the tension even if it drives Willow from the house. I love the way they are hovering around her and she just seems like a very small child in the corner.

Part 17. I love the paragraph that includes

That book…her father had started it years ago. It contained chapter after chapter of lies, pain, and degradation. No one really knew the content of those pages…not even Wes. He only knew the title, the names of some of the chapters.

I have to admit that usually I don't enjoy this type of thing. I mean great, analogy, similie, metaphor, etc. but usually very overwritten. Trying to hard? But not here. Here it's really quite the right level. A wonderful metaphor for the way Tara has locked down an entire part of her life. But it truly is a book, not a chapter or a note. It's her first 20 years book and perhaps still her book. Very well done chapter.

I fully expected that they were going to Tara's room. How tragic that Willow has been keeping it and even more sad that Tara just has to release her. Wow and wow again.

Very well done.

[Shai]

Im really glad u gave us 2 chapters so close together...this is one fab fic...keep the words flowing...Cheers!

[Safuega]

Cyd,

Keep writing updates like these and you will seriously compromise the summation skills that you previously praised, and I labored three years in law school to acquire!

This update was so layered with meaning that I feel like I could write feedback on almost every paragraph and every sentence exchanged between Willow and Tara, but I'll refrain myself. Instead I will just point out a few of the reasons why you are my absolute favorite fanfic author.

For starters, this single line for me is the crux of the matter for this update and perhaps the story.

“You took away my choice.”

Tara took away Willow's choices in more ways than one because when she left she not only negated Willow's choice of her as her lover, but also took away Willow's choice to be a Scooby. Willow had chosen to remain in Sunnydale to be a Scooby and to 'fight the good fight,' but when Tara left taking the magic Willow was displaced from the group. Willow could not realistically continue to lead a Scooby life without endangering the others in the group given her weakened state. The weakened state in which she was left also deprived her of any opportunity she might have had to move on and beyond Tara's departure. She was forced to live the life of a recluse because her body would not support more than a minimum amount of activity.

During the whole spell exchange I kept thinking how you have inverted Willow's and Tara's roles from canon. Here we have a Willow whose identity does not depend on her magic but who has nevertheless learned to fear magic and has learned first hand of the dire consequences of using magic, never mind dark magic. Then there is Tara who in canon was the one whose identity did not depend on magic but, lo and behold, here she is having used magic to build herself from the ground up and terrified of what she might be become once the magic is gone.

And then you, sneaky genius you, not happy with the inversion because that is just too easy for you, you give us another dichotomy of strength/weakness, identity/loss of identity. Tara found herself as she grew strong in her magical skills and became a monster fighter, while Willow lost herself as she grew weak by loss of her magical ability and lost her place in the Scooby gang.

Okay, I'd better stop here. I feel like giving you a gold star, that is how good this was. It was a joy to read, to think about, and to dissect.

Thanks for sharing.

Safuega

[irishgrl3]

Yippee Cyd!
Wow... not one, but two updates!

I have to say I've tried several times to post a reply after reading and then re-reading the last two chapters but I believe you've pretty much left me speechless. Such intense emotion! I am so not a huge fan of angst (yup, non-confrontational me), yet I hang on every word in this fic.

The pain is so unbearable between the two, Willow seems to be able to turn her attitude on a dime. Her words can be so sharp. I'm hoping for better things moving forward now that the ritual is finished. Some mending of sorts.
As always, can't wait for more!
-anna

[hermitfish]

The feedback continues to overwhelm and impress me…I do appreciate it so much. Replies…

GayNow: Hi Carleen...I'm always glad to bring a little morning joy (okay...that probably sounded better in my head). I thought I owed a quick update after the wait between the last one. Plus, a little insomnia provides many opportunities to write.

It is quite tragic that one small attempt at communication on Tara's part over that time period would have really transformed the situation. But can't change the past now, they can only move forward. I hope they start doing that at some point too...I'm in negotiations with my muse for something to that effect.

watson: Watson, I still agree with you...about talking over the spell, but at least some effort was made. Tara started opening old wounds carefully and Willow answered her rather than closing up or lashing out. It's a start. They're not finished with this scene quite yet. Thanks so much.

pipsberg: Hi-ya Pips...glad you're still enjoying. Achingly hard to read is okay as long as you're not throwing your computer out a second story window or anything (which I totally do not advise ). Thanks for stopping in.

Miss Kittys Ball O Yarn: Hi Emms...a call to arms (well, probably not arms) for
smut, huh? That plan of yours...it sounds like you were reading my mind.

So much so that I've decided to make an announcement...

Yup, I'm gay...oh wait...covered that already...nevermind.

Here is the announcement I was going for...

Emms will be taking over the rest of the story to write the fluffy kicker of an ending that it is sorely missing. So...no more updates from yours truly...I'll step aside and bow down to you. What do you think of my plan?

stillrunning:

I don't understand why I keep subjecting myself to the angst of this fic. It always makes me sad and mopey...but it's just soooo damn good!! I'm an addict I swear!!

Why did I smile after reading this? Because I revel in other people's anguish...Nooooo...but good guess. I like the fact that the story has such an effect on you and you're eager to see the next piece.

ladydameon: I think Tara never considered the possibility that her power was 'borrowed'. She just believed that she was getting stronger as she began fighting night in and night out. When she felt Willow around her, she probably believed it was wishful thinking or painful longing. She had no reason to question or believe anything else.

She’s in a position of great power and wealth without the magick.

Willow certainly is to us...but she doesn't believe she is...underneath it all she sees herself as very weak. She sees her own accomplishments as marginal and her failures as colossal. This holds her back and will continue to do so until she can see her worth in another light.

You are also correct that the end is not particularly near. I initially guessed that this story would go to 25 parts. Looking at it now, I think it will still be at least that. Therefore, I still have much to do before a 'happy' ending can be told. Thanks so much for your thoughts...I enjoyed hearing what you had to say.

meretricious: Yes, Mary...I shamelessly bought that cliffhanger at torturefanficreaders.com.

I don't think Willow kept the dorm room just for the spell...that is more likely to be a cover for the little piece of Tara she was trying to preserve. And yes, this was supposedly the 'simple to do' spell...I did sorta hint that the rest of it is trickier. And of course there is always the possibility for things to go wrong...I mean isn't that how they got into this mess in the first place? So far Tara is taking it all on faith that Willow has this planned out and knows what to do. Caution is not exactly a bad idea considering.

BTW, I thought this was dead on...

also love how even though willow has built fortress-like walls around herself, tara just has to say "please" and willow cracks a little

And finally...

i think we might be twins

Then you must be one damn smart, sexy lady

JustSkipIt: Yes, it's two for the price of one week or, in other words, I've been happily on vacation from grad school. Too bad that ended.

This was one of the feelings I was going for (or at least its kin) in that group scene...

I love the way they are hovering around her and she just seems like a very small child in the corner.

Well Put. I'm really glad you're enjoying. Thanks.

Sheba: I wish I could always update that fast but life has a way of keeping me busy. Thanks so much for stopping in.

Safuega: Holy moly, hun...that was some wonderful dissection type feedback. I think we can safely say that your skills are intact. I want to reply with something just as lovely but instead I will just say thank you. And I'll get to work on the next update pronto for your enjoyment...I hope that makes it even.

irishgrl3: Hi Anna...

I am so not a huge fan of angst (yup, non-confrontational me), yet I hang on every word in this fic.

I take that a great compliment...thank you. I'm not really confrontational either and I'm very laid back, keeping the angst to a minimum...I have no idea why I write so darn much angst considering.

Willow seems to be able to turn her attitude on a dime.

Yes...conflicted she is (I think that sounds a little Yodaesque but anyway). For the rest...I'll just say I'm working on it...this story is not a diabolical experiment to see how long I can torment Kittens. Really. I mean it.


I'm out of town for the weekend but I think I'll get a chance to write tomorrow before I go. Both Edge and RS are talking to me so I don't know which I'll work on when the time comes. Until then.

~Cyd

[hermitfish]

I wrote most of this part while playing in a Texas hold ‘em tourney…so if you see the words ‘I’m all in’ – ignore it. ~Cyd


PART 18


The word was spoken strongly from Tara’s lips; her eyes were dark and deep, burning down to the innermost layer of Willow’s soul. The redhead began to wonder what she saw in those blue beauties just seconds before she felt a long absent tingling course through her system. Her magic was returning…and it was exhilarating.

Willow closed her eyes, reveling as every cell in her body pulsed with energy…every neuron fired rapidly. It was a sharp departure from detainment, where she never really slept but was never fully awake either. Reconnection to her power brought with it a bucket of ice water. It cascaded across her, wave after delicious wave, making what was tainted feel purified.

That was when she felt something else…like a towel wrapping around her shoulders, keeping her protected and warm. It was Tara’s energy. She was safeguarding the transfer…keeping them both stable through the process. The last shred of Tara’s intention towards her magick evaporated as she felt the immense effort the blonde witch was wielding for her.

“Tara,” she whispered, afraid to break the rush of that moment. She opened her eyes and, for the first time in a long while, truly felt alive.

That breath threatened to leave her as she saw that the other witch had collapsed onto her back.

Willow ran to her side…her hand hovering over her mouth. Muscles tense with fear relaxed slightly as her fingers felt moist air dance over them. Still she was hesitant.

“Tara?” she called close to her ears. When the blonde did not rouse, she carefully put her fingers on the pulse point of her neck. Willow’s noticed her hands were cold in comparison to Tara’s neck and her strong pulse. She pulled her hand away.

She knew what she should do…try to get the blonde to the bed and call Wes to keep an eye on her condition. What she should do and what she wanted to do clashed in her mind. She wanted to stay by her side…be the one Tara asks for when she wakes up. But life had rarely been about what she wanted, so she set about doing what was right.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Tara woke up to find herself carefully tucked into her old dorm bed. It felt soft and familiar. She lifted her head and looked for the woman who must have carried her to bed. She sighed as she found the room empty but she understood how hard it would be for Willow to stay…or want to stay. She swung her legs out from under the warm cocoon of blankets. She had to smile as she noticed her shoes just below the exact spot where her legs untangled. It was a habit she remembered distinctly as Willow’s. The redhead always put shoes in that exactly calculated spot, where the left and right feet would match up with their appropriate outward facing shoes when either of them wanted to get out of bed.




“You think I’m insane,” Willow asked as she ducked her head out from under the bed, shaking the escapee black boot triumphantly and placing it in the correct spot.

Tara twitched her lips in thought. “Quirky…I’m gonna go with quirky.”

Willow ducked back under the bed.

“Now what are you looking for?”

“Weapons,” Willow said distractedly as a notebook and a shirt flew out from the tiny gap from bed frame to floor.

“Weapons?” Tara parroted with a laugh. “Sweetie…there aren’t any weapons under there unless you find a stranded dirty sock.”

Willow popped her head back out from the bed. “Are you still calling me quirky?”

“Yes, Ms. Rosenberg…I am.”

“Well then you’re just silly,” the redheaded responded as she pulled out from under the bed face up with two cans of green silly string. Tara was covered in the foamy stuff in seconds. Tara threw pillows before finally running out of ammunition and flying toward her girlfriend with a frontal assault of her own.

Tara tickled her sensitive sides aggressively and quickly pinned Willow’s arms above her head when she relented to howling laughter. She tried to push the spray cans from her unyielding hands. The smaller witch’s expression went from amused to inflamed.

The blonde moved her lips to just above Willow’s ear. “Truce?” she questioned in a low whisper. Willow tried to break free, letting go of the cans and struggling to pull Tara closer.

“Nuh-uh…truce,” Tara added an octave lower, pressing closer to the delighted groan of the woman beneath her. Tara made a fast move for the silly string and began a point blank attack.

“Gahhh!” Willow shrieked as the green string covered her arms and shirt. She pushed through the falling party favor even as it landed on her hair and neck. The spray stopped as she cupped Tara’s face and brought it to her own, kissing her gently but thoroughly. “I love you, Tara.”




Tara quickly fastened her boots. This room had too many memories…too much of them. She stood and haphazardly tucked her hair behind her ears. As she turned, she saw a flash of red. Coming around the side of the bed, she saw the small woman dozing upright with her arms curled around her knees. Her head was crookedly resting against the end of the mattress.

Tara’s heart pounded…that organ knowing quicker than the rest how amazing her actions were. She stayed for me.

She still cares about me.

She couldn’t stop the small smile that crept onto her face. She knelt in front of the redhead, noticing a faint scar on the back of her hand. She began to trace it without a second thought to any potential danger. As her finger met the soft texture of the redhead’s skin, she felt something beyond the realm of her understanding.

[Emms]

First, let me just say in regards to

So much so that I've decided to make an announcement...

Yup, I'm gay...oh wait...covered that already...nevermind.

no...not that... hold on.

Emms will be taking over the rest of the story to write the fluffy kicker of an ending that it is sorely missing. So...no more updates from yours truly...I'll step aside and bow down to you. What do you think of my plan?

yes...that's the one... let me just say... you better not even think about it missy! or else I'll have to install more devilish hypno-discs in a semi-circle around your computer!

now....onto the feedback...

CYD! HOW COULD YOU END THERE??!! When Tara woke up all alone, I thought for sure that Willow had followed her head and had left...but then... but then...she was there, keeping watch of Tara. Yay!

I guess, that spell gave willow back more than just her magic...it gave her back her heart.

I love your writing so much!!!!!!!!!

xoxo
Emms

[watty]

The spell was quick, wasn't it? And not a lot of discussion beforehand. Still, huge impact. So is their connection still there? Are the magics balanced out? And the little kick at the end, hmm. What is the

something beyond the realm of her understanding

I love how you mirrored how they each took care of the other, without being too obvious, it's as if the caring part of their relationship never went away and even at this tense moment they fall back to it so naturally.

Tara’s energy. She was safeguarding the transfer…keeping them both stable through the process.

and

She stayed for me.

She still cares about me.

I'm all about using simple words to describe deep meanings nowadays, and that was just perfect!

Oh, and the flashback, with Willow's insane sense of perfection, just right . Now can they please talk and get back together?

[justin]

This is a really good story

I've read a few stories where Willow left Tara during New Moon Rising, but this is the first one where Tara left Willow. The idea of Tara has been inadvertantly draining Willow's energy is an interesting way of adding some angst to the story.

So the question is, has the ritual worked? If so will they be able to work out their trust issues and restart their relationship?

[kisstheviolets]

Tara’s heart pounded…that organ knowing quicker than the rest how amazing her actions were. She stayed for me.

She still cares about me.

yay!! i was afraid willow was going to bolt. soo relieved that she didn't. however, i have a feeling things won't be warm and fuzzy just yet. can there at least be some confused and conflicted smoochies?

i'm really curious to see what kind of effect this power transfer has on tara. one the one hand, so much of her identity is wrapped up in being the cool monster fighter... on the other, she only created that life to get by without willow. if they get back together does she need to be the big bad ass anymore?

the flashback to happier times in the dorm was heartbreakingly sweet. i love the way you applied the insane/quirky dialogue to the shoe placement thing. that seemed so absolutely willow.

sigh. i looove this story cyd. can't wait for the next update.

brandy

[irishgrl3]

Wow, brilliant update Cyd! The transfer of magic was so beautifully written. The visuals you created were simply amazing.

I about jumped up and down after;

“Tara,” she whispered, afraid to break the rush of that moment. She opened her eyes and, for the first time in a long while, truly felt alive.

I know they still have a really long way to go but hopefully sharing that spell is the good start. Now the talking, the healing, and the getting back together. Okay a bit optimistic I know.

Looking forward to what this might mean;

As her finger met the soft texture of the redhead’s skin, she felt something beyond the realm of her understanding.

I agree with Emms, I can't believe you left it there. Talk about curiousity about killing me. Jeez...
-anna

[tarawhipped]

Cyd... Like the rest of this story, these last two chapters have been heartbreaking and beautiful, but this last one finally moved into hopeful, which has left me feeling really sappy, gooey, sigh-y, girly. At the end of Part 16, when Willow said "I think you'll recognize the place", my first thought was Tara's old room, but I convinced myself that couldn't be right. Oh, me of little faith (and absolutely no Faith...really...big geek here, no attitude). It's perfect though, really. They both want the same thing, but their lives have changed so much that it's gotta be difficult to see how they can fit together again. Being back in the place where it all started though...and each getting a glimpse into how much the other still cares...*breaks out into song* 'it's beginning to look a lot like smoochies!!!'

The whole thing was just wonderful, Cyd, but I especially loved that Willow decided to do what she wanted, which WAS also the right thing, even if she didn't think so. *happy sigh*

-Cam

[vix84]

I just discovered this fic today. Usually I find that seven page fics are too intimidating to start halfway through. But your writing is so intense that I couldn't stop myself.

This is fantastic. You said earlier that one of your biggest concerns was keeping in character, so let me assure you that every single character is true and spot on.

I love Tara's connection with Wesley. They're a perfect duo, both with their regrets and miseries.

The second last update, with Willow entering the house and sitting nervously with the scoobies, made my stomach twist... the tension was so real, I pitied every character.

I couldn't believe that Willow had kept the dorm room exactly as it was. Along with Tara, I sighed. Oh Willow.

I can't wait to read more of what you have in store for the girls.

[meretricious]

cyd, you wrote this while playing in a card tournament? so you're like a goddess of angst AND multitasking, very impressive.
the description of willow's experiencing the return of her power gave me goosebumps. and then i reread it and i got them again. not metaphorical goosebumps, actual physical chills, awesomely described.
love the use of a flashback to show a lighthearted playful time , goodness knows those have been in short supply for these two. kind of bittersweet to think about, the journey from playful silly string willow to the isolated person she's become, so sad. have to admit though, my inner safety geek was really hoping there was no candles burning with all that silly string flying around, cause, that's a bad kind of extra flamey.
but what i'm really curious about, how'd you do in the tournament?~mary

[hermitfish]

Replies...

Miss Kittys Ball O Yarn:

you better not even think about it missy! or else I'll have to install more devilish hypno-discs in a semi-circle around your computer

Must update...must update...must...crap, you already did it didn't you? Evil retaliation for evil cliffhangers I suppose. Oh, well...I luv ya anyway.

watson: Spell was pretty quick...didn't really want to dawdle a long time on that in particular. And all of your questions are valid and I'm looking forward to tackling them. Re: Talking...well, I thought they might play a round of charades and shadowpuppets first but I'll see what I can do.

justin: Hi Justin...I'm glad you're enjoying. I had also never read a scenario where Tara left Willow at the NMR point and the story idea really built from that. I always strive for something unique and a little angst (or a lot) have been very useful here. Thanks for stopping in.

kisstheviolets: Esteemed President Brandy...conflicted smoochies are not out of the realm of possibility. I think the effects of this on Tara should be interesting as well. I'm looking forward to addressing just that. Glad to still be in your favor.

irishgrl3: Hi Anna...

I know they still have a really long way to go but hopefully sharing that spell is the good start. Now the talking, the healing, and the getting back together. Okay a bit optimistic I know.

Hmm...optimistic....rushes to dictionary. Oh! so that's what they call it.

I know that was a naughty place to leave off...but curiosity is good, yes?

tarawhipped: Cam, oh Cam...your feedback was quite chipper with enthusiasm. And, yay, I knew I could inject some hope into this little ride.

Loved this...

Willow decided to do what she wanted, which WAS also the right thing, even if she didn't think so.

From one big geek to another, it's always a pleasure to read your wonderful feedback. Sighing, feeling girly, and breaking into song...those are just welcome bonuses.

vix84: Welcome...I always love to see new readers. I really like the Wes and Tara partnership too...I thought they had a lot in common and personalities that would mesh. Keeping the dorm room the same, which preserves her time with Tara and staying after the spell...maybe Tara is starting to get the message that Willow still cares...thanks for stopping in.

meretricious: Hey Mary...Goddess of Angst and Multitasking...that sounds good enough to put on my resume (hmmm...or is it already there?). I thought the flashback scene would be nice b/c A.) haven't done one in a while and B.) I thought it would be good to remember why what they had was so special (and 95% less angsty).

Now, on to the important stuff: I've been playing online tourneys at night when I don't have to go to my online class chat thing. It's a free roll (cause I'm all about being broke) where 4000 people play and the top fifty get into a satellite game for the World Poker Tour. I think I finished 153rd that night...my muse was feeding into my good luck.

ETA (b/c this is also not relevant): My sis actually made the WPT satellite game last night. I let you know if she gets into the cash...preferably from an island that I can't pronounce (b/c I went to public schools).

By the way...'inner safety geek'...hmm we really must be twins.



I have made the decision to keep writing parts for RS solely (if the muse will co-operate)...hopefully this will please many. Next update in a day or two.

~Cyd

[Safuega]

Cyd,

My brain is about to fall off after spending the last eleven hours or so studying. I am not confident that I can be coherent right now, so I'll let the emoticons do the work for me this time. So here is your report card for this update.

Moving the action along and not making the magic the center of the story:

Leaving it off where you did:

Planning to focus solely on RS from now on:

Safuega

[hermitfish]

One reply then update!

Safuega: Oh, hun...11 hours of studying...that's just atrocious...I hope an update can get you away from the nasty books for a while.

[hr]

PART 19


Willow’s hand instinctively swatted at the irritation drawing her from slumber. Instead of the imaginary fish swimming away, the back of her hand lightly slapped into a firmer pressure that reached around her hand and began to clutch her limp fingers snugly.

“Pinchy lobster,” Willow murmured, still too asleep to register anything else.

Tara barely noticed the unguarded reaction and the cute way she smacked her lips as she tried to snuggle further into the end of the mattress. Their joined hands had Tara’s most unwavering attention as she tried to understand two very improbable things.

The first was Willow’s power…it simply floored the demon fighter as she felt the raw amount of energy pulsing through her lithe body. This was far stronger than she had ever been…far stronger than any witch, warlock, or creature she had ever faced. This was the kind of power that could bring peace or destroy everything in its path.

But even that was not what was holding her steadfast.

In the miniscule expanse of skin where their hands met…there was a connection. Tara didn’t understand how that was possible. They had been apart for so long. They were fighting. Willow cared for her safety but she didn’t…

The blonde gulped as she let that thought slide around in her mind.

It has to be the synchronicity spell…

“Nose tickle,” Willow mumbled as she rubbed the self mentioned part with her other hand before it carelessly dropping onto Tara’s knee.

Tara flinched but didn’t let go…forces were pulling her towards that connection. Pulling her forward…onto her knees. Leaning closer now…wetting her lips, wanting more. She could smell a light scent…natural…Willow. She moved closer still…warm…hot…scorching. Willow and her…magick.

Tara stumbled backwards…away. Releasing. The magick, that seductress, burned and ached for a connection. An invocation. Not this way. Tara retreated further, hitting her back on the side of the desk. Something fell…a vase, maybe? She didn’t turn around to check. It crashed onto the floor, shattering…breaking into a million jagged pieces. Illusions do that too, Tara thought as the pieces scattered, further and further apart.

Our connection is more than just magick. She thought it again and again.

But what kept her moving backwards was the other voice. The one that told her she was wrong.

----------------------------------------------


A loud crash jolted Willow awake. Her eyes went left and right before finding Tara. The blonde was trembling as she tried to collect shards of glass with her bare hands. She looked lost.

Willow moved faster than she knew. “Tara?” She was by her side…hesitating. “Tara…your hand is bleeding.” She hurried to the first aid kit pulling out a piece of oversized gauze. The redhead reached to stop Tara’s overactive hands, grasping the wrist of the injured hand.

And Willow suddenly experienced every single spell Tara had cast since they parted. With a precise rapidness. Floating daggers…striking vampire after vampire. An invisibility spell to walk through a den of demons unnoticed. Barriers. An ice spell to freeze a viscous monster. Protection spells. Telepathy. Healing spells…Wes has a four-inch scar on his back from an axe. Glamours. And fire spells…Tara was a fluid wielder of fire. Burning creature after unrecognizable creature. Willow felt other things…they were deeper. Accomplishment. A sense of purpose…this wasn't a job to her – it was a calling. It filled a quiet void Willow doubted even Tara understood. She shook off the sensation. “Tara…are you okay?”

The demon hunter finally ceased her frantic movements, pausing to consider an answer. “I don’t know.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah.”

Willow lifted her hand and examined the wound closer, dabbing carefully at the tiny cut.

“Not that. Not there.”

“Oh, Goddess…the spell…where did it hurt you?”

“My heart…my heart hurts.”

Willow gulped, unable to hold back the three words in her throat. “Mine does too.”

The next thing the ex-witch knew, she was flat on her back with Tara’s weight pressing her down hard. The bond between them reawakened and, like her power, it was exhilarating. She needed more…to be consumed…taken…finished. Willow placed her hand on the back of Tara’s head and urged her forward. The blonde’s lips began searching her own roughly…across her cheek…down her neck. She was reborn…flying…higher and higher. As Willow felt teeth bluntly cut at her pulse point, she felt the magickal pull. She realized it was the force guiding her…Tara must be under its thrall too. Because she would never… “Tara, no.”

Like an alarm in a burning building, Tara instantly realized her place and pushed herself upright, her eyes large and owlish before changing to ashamed. “I’m sorry.” She stood and straightened her clothes, moving to the door uncomfortably.

“Don’t leave,” Willow pleaded.

Tara looked at her incredulously.

“Not because of that. It’s the magick…an accident…a mistake…I get it. You don’t want me…not the way I am,” the redhead spat the last part venomously at herself.

“How can you say that, Willow?” Tara felt herself getting angry. “How can you not know how special you are?”

Willow just shook her head and stared at the floor.

Tara pulled a wallet from her back pocket. She retrieved two pieces of paper…both were worn and discolored.

“There’s something I need to tell you. It won’t change anything. But I’m telling you this because you deserved to know what was going on. Then.” Tara opened the frail papers…losing herself for just a moment in them.

“I was too much of a coward. I was afraid to ruin your life…because you were too special for that.”

Willow’s green confused eyes met hers.

Tara took a deep breath and placed the papers in Willow’s hands.

“You deserve to know why I left.”

[cperrins78]

Oh my that was an awesome post. I loved the sweet interaction between Willow & Tara before she woke up. Then after it was heartwrenching to hear them both say their hearts were hurting. What a cliffhanger you left it at. I can't wait to see why she left.


Christina

[Emms]

*breathing* *breathing* *breathing* Cyd! my heart did a little fluttery dance when I saw that you had updated....and the update was....wow... no words could do justice to what you've managed to produce, so I'll just utter a few rapidly typed words that probably are going to make little sense taken out of the bigger context of what's actually in my mind.

first

“Pinchy lobster,”

and then....

Tara flinched but didn’t let go…forces were pulling her towards that connection. Pulling her forward…onto her knees. Leaning closer now…wetting her lips, wanting more. She could smell a light scent…natural…Willow. She moved closer still…warm…hot…scorching. Willow and her…magick.

I was actually hitting the desk my computer sits on with each jaw-dropping, heart-pounding line... it went a little something like this.

Tara flinched but didn’t let go (Emms hits computer desk with fist and shouts "YES!") …forces were pulling her towards that connection. Pulling her forward (Once again Emms is yelling at the computer "YES!")…onto her knees. (Emms in rapt attention, "Yes.....") Leaning closer now…(Emms leans closer)wetting her lips ("Yes" Emms is getting very excited now...), wanting more. She could smell a light scent…natural…Willow. She moved closer still (Emms leans impossibly close to the computer screen, chancing possible blindness)…warm…hot…scorching. Willow and her…magick. (Emms shouts "Yay! and throws hands high up in the air!)

and then it happens

Tara stumbled backwards…away. Releasing. The magick, that seductress, burned and ached for a connection. An invocation. Not this way. Tara retreated further, hitting her back on the side of the desk. Something fell…a vase, maybe? She didn’t turn around to check. It crashed onto the floor, shattering…breaking into a million jagged pieces. Illusions do that too, Tara thought as the pieces scattered, further and further apart.

(and that makes Emms very grumpy)

But then....then

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah.”

Willow lifted her hand and examined the wound closer, dabbing carefully at the tiny cut.

“Not that. Not there.”

“Oh, Goddess…the spell…where did it hurt you?”

“My heart…my heart hurts.”

Willow gulped, unable to hold back the three words in her throat. “Mine does too.”

(At this point in the update Emms heart just about jumps right out of her chest and does the hokey-pokey in the corner next to the bookcase)

and then.....

The next thing the ex-witch knew, she was flat on her back with Tara’s weight pressing her down hard.

(Emms is no longer grumpy)

but then...

“Tara, no.”

this happens (Emms can feel her lips turning down into the grumpy frown she'd just replaced)

But then Cyd....then you make it all better when Tara reveals to Willow the real reason why she left........ And that's why I love your writting..

xoxo
Emms (Ps...I've never felt the need to quote so much before )

[JustSkipIt]

Hey Cyd,
I can't remember if you finished a paper or the semester or what but yay for whatever got the heck out of the way so you could write this. I love the latest update. So powerful and overwhelming. They are both feeling the same essence but both doubting it too. Very well done.

[watty]

How can so much be said so powerfully using so few words?

You literally took my breath away, Cyd, oh Mistress of Cliffhangers .

[Safuega]

Cyd,

You have changed the pace of the story. I don't know if you are doing it on purpose or not, but these shorter updates are working really well in terms of moving us forward in short spurts. The format is effective for conveying a sense of contained energy/action, and it works particularly well when depicting both Willow and Tara's feelings after the magic release. I would have expected that after the magic release there would have been a sense of freedom, but all I can think about is how Tara and Willow are just as trapped, or perhaps just as stuck as before. There has been no "release" for either of them even though the spell seems to have worked.

I am guessing that the real release is yet to come, but at least we are getting closer especially now that Tara has finally begun to explain her actions to Willow. Tara's explanation has been long overdue.

Really well done Cyd, truly. Thanks for sharing, sweetie. Your updates are just the thing to keep the nasty books, notes, and flash cards at bay.

Safuega

[caz]

Nooooooooo! You can't leave it there, my heart wont take the strain. On the bright side though, our girls are together (after a fashion). Lets hope that what Tara tells Willow will make everything better.

Caz

[HalfCamel]

OMG!!! Why did she leave?!?!?! WHY?! Why did you stop there?!

Stopping there was evil!! But then again so was I with not leaving you fb before this, and for that I apologise. I've followed your story since the beginning and, like the rest of them, it's wonderful. You have such a gift for writing. Everytime I read it's like I'm transported to that time and place and everything else just goes away. Cheesy and cliched, yes. But it's true.

I read this extremely quickly cuz I needed to know what was gonna happen next, and I was literally holding my breath almost the entire way through (and now I'm a little dizzy ). The emotions were running rampantly high on this and you captured all of them extremely well.

My heart…my heart hurts.

This was such a powerful statement. It conveys so much of where the girls are right now: afraid, lost, hurt, and so much more. Plus, it also described me at the end of this wonderful update with that evil cliffhanger .

I can't wait to hear Tara's explaination and see Willow's reaction. And hopefully after explaining away there can be some kinda moving on, and hopefully making up with two.

Keep it up!
I'm going to eagerly await the next update(s). And I'd wait for them in front of the computer, constantly refreshing the page, but I've got class to attend.

[grimlock72]

Will wonders never cease... they are actually talking and listening to each other

But back to the previous update about the releasing spell, which I've not commented on yet (been busy). I can't express why I like esp. the last part of it so much, but I do. It's sad when Tara realizes she could have very simply have fixed Willow's problem.

I so do empathize with Willow, if you've been feeling drained by whatever sickness it must be so exhilariting to actually feel alive again. So many things to catch up on, a life to lead... maybe even together with Tara, who knows

Willow said the 'Release' word took care of one problem but never explained what the second problem was now did she? I imagine it's a bit like the big-O spell after effects. As such it's wise that she tries to keep a clear mind when Tara pounces on her, though smut-hungry kittens might disagree >:

Poor Tara cutting her hands, probably because she was thinking about other things and feeling very guilty (which I expect to last for months at least). Willow has practice at handling pain like that, years of practice .

Willow's last outburst at least helps to get the differences in what they think the other thinks out in the open. Lord knows that has stood between them far firmer than any fortress.

Grimmy

[hermitfish]

Replies...

cperrins78: Thanks, Christina...glad you liked. Excitement is good.

Miss Kittys Ball O Yarn: Wow...that was like The Emotional Emms Adventure Ride in an amusement park (well, I know I'm certainly amused and you gave me free admission..woohoo!). The best part is that you weren't grumpy at the end. And, oh yeah, the fluttery heart hokey pokey thing happens every time I read your feedback. Nice to see it can work both ways.

JustSkipIt: Yeah, the massive eater of my time (in the last 4 months or so) was a semester where I was taking double the course load for a full timer. Now with only one class and a few other 'things', I suddenly find I have lots more sanity time...which is a great thing. They are mirroring through their connection but unable to grasp the idea that what they feel is something more than the spell. Yet.

watson: A few words can sometimes go a long way sometimes...at least in my experience.

Heehee, Mistress of cliffhangers..I think that's code for 'Sit down and write the whole scene already.'

Safuega: I think the change of format is kinda planned because I'm pleased with the tone it's creating but it is also a result of the fact that my schedule is being kind and letting me update more. When I could only update once or twice a month, I felt obligated to write longer parts and have less cliffys that are mean (well...sorta ).

I would have expected that after the magic release there would have been a sense of freedom, but all I can think about is how Tara and Willow are just as trapped, or perhaps just as stuck as before. There has been no "release" for either of them even though the spell seems to have worked.

Hmm...that is quite an interesting perspective. The spell certainly wasn't the panacea for all of their problems because that would have been rather belittling. On the opposite side of the fence, it hasn't been very long after the spell and they haven't had much time to understand what has happened or adjust to it.

Now, I want to update more...especially if it can induce more happy break time for you. Well, I'll see what I can do at any rate. Take care of yourself...I've been known to go 200 mph towards a brick wall where edjumacation is concerned on more than one occasion...sometimes necessary but not fun.

caz: Evil cliffhanger strikes again! I promise more very soon. Thanks.

HalfCamel: So were all even with the evilness? Well, at least until another cliffy turns up. It's such a really big compliment that you get lost in my story(ies)...that's the point after all for me - to create a world where I can escape at my leisure. So, thank you for that.

Concerning the part itself...in my experience and, while that might not be worth much, I've found that emotions rarely sit still. Certainly when love and pain are involved. I try to remember this when I'm writing. And I try to remember that emotions are complex, layered, and not always attached
to some logical motive. I think that comes through in this story (although some may see it as the ramblings of an emotional scatterbrain...and I can't seem to disagree there either ). Thanks so much for the feedback.

grimlock72: Hi Grimmy...I'm glad to see you return...I missed ya.

Will wonders never cease... they re actually talking and listening to each other

Indeed they are...I am really trying to go beyond the three steps forward, two steps back interactions.

I imagine it's a bit like the big-O spell after effects. As such it's wise that she tries to keep a clear mind when Tara pounces on her, though smut-hungry kittens might disagree

It is indeed like that spell and, as for the smut enthusiasts, I'll have to make it up to them later I suppose. Or else the words 'lynch the writer' may come into play.

Thanks so much for stopping by...always a pleasure to read your opinion.


Still committed to RS. Next update is almost finished...give me a day or two.

~Cyd