New Fic - Neverland

[AmbeRocks]

ok, so i havent come around this forum for like 2-3 years now... but girlfriend being away for xmas, and feeling a little buffy/willow-tara nostalgic, i re-read all of this fic.... absolutely fabulous!
i knew right from the start that i would end unsatisfied, cause, in fact, no end... and i did!
so if ever you came to a point in your life when you want to finish it, you got my total support here!
but anyway it's been really good reading it again, so, thanks!

jen

[gorn]

I'm a W/T fanfic virgin, looking for a good story to start with. Just browsing through these forums, I found this story has FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND views!!! So, I'm guessing this one must be about as good as it gets.

I'm a bit concerned that this story doesn't happen to have an end to it yet, and it also appears the author has been away for ages. Anyone familiar with the author or know her in "real?" Is there any rumour she's working on more, or has she vanished forever?

Regardless, I'm too intrigued by the sheer number of views to turn back now. I'll jump into this tomorrow evening once everything gets quiet around here and see what all the fuss is about ...

[edgyqueen]

Since the thread's already been bumped...

You know, this fic has reached a level of unprecedented popularity and reverence. I've been wondering... at what point will the Kittens become so obsessed with resolving this story that we begin to pursue the possibility of writing fanfiction *about* the fanfiction??? HA!!!!!

[tazraven]

You know, it's odd that you say that. A couple of weeks ago I was actually thinking about writing an ending, just so my brain could have some resolve. But I think only the author could do it justice. Looks like I'll just have to suffer =)

~Sara

[Reallybigpineapple]

Dude...
That's so meta it's almost not funny... Actually it is, since I've tought exactly the same thing! Neverland has such a distinctive feel to it that could have fiction written about it, just like you said. Like missing scenes and stuff...
But that has the same snag as writing your own ending: No-one writes exactly like Heather, do they, so it would feel wrong, like depressed Buffy back from the grave, or Amber Benson going to marry Adam Busch or something...
Dammit, we're stuck! No-one can provide the trademark Heather torture except for Heather.... I confess, I'm stuck in Neverland as well. Hello, my name is Martina and I'm a sad person. Kittens: Hello Martina!

[taliesin]

I have to agree. It's so good, it can't be imitated - and so good we wish we could! . Oh, hi, this is me de-lurking. I've been an avid fan of this fic for a very long time now. Everyone needs an addiction, right?

[-Always-]

Hello, my name is Martina and I'm a sad person. Kittens: Hello Martina!

Hi, my name is Kym and I'm an Neverlandaholic. Kittens: Hello Kym!

lol too true

And fanfic about a fanfic, (but specifically this one) absolutly a brilliant idea... except your right. only Heather can do it justice... *tear*

[LittleBit]

Ok I've read through this fic a few times now ... I am an addict and I will proudly state that! And if someone tries to write a fanfic about the fanfic ... I'll read it gladly .. for I am that obsessed about this fic! However, I agree that only the author truly knows how to torture us in such a particular and distinctive way!!!!

Please come back and finish this fic!!! Pretty please before I pull my hair our in frustration!!!!!

[Emms]

Yes indeed. This fic ROCKS. I really hope Heather comes back and finishes it for us... It would really suck to have to add this great fic to the list of The Unfinished. Come back Heather...

[rsawest]

My first fic feedback.

Great characterizations and storyline. Bump for Heather to come back and finish the story. I'm addicted!


Linda

[Sn0wflak3]

I haven't been here for a while now, and i thought, why not go check on the old fanfic?

..and what do i see? *gasp* Neverland is floating around right there on the first page! There MUST be an update!

...

Never mind.. lol

[gorn]

I’m the W/T fanfic virgin who posted about 2 weeks ago – I am a virgin no longer. Out of nostalgia or whatever, I wandered in here and found mention of this fic in other threads, then discovered it had over 400,000 views. I figured I must’ve stumbled upon the absolute pinnacle of W/T fanfic and decided this was as good a place as any to get my fix.

I’ve spent a WONDERFUL two weeks now reading this fic. Absolutely wonderful. I’d sneak in some at work, read some at night with my favorite music (who knew I’d end up downloading new music just from/for this story? Except for Heart – I actually felt as clueless as Tara with the rest of Heather’s selections). I can’t remember the last time I read anything that moved me or surprised me so much.

People have gushed all over this fic (and rightly so), and I know I’m coming in about 8 months after the fact. Rather than repeat everything other’s have already said better, I just want to recount a few of the many gems in this story that really touched me personally while reading.

Filmore.
Tara’s description of where this painting came from, what it’s inspiration was. The way Heather had Tara describing this … THIS was my first hint that I was on to something genuinely special. I was hooked before this, don’t get me wrong, but this was so … so unexpectedly good. I can’t think of another time when I’ve actually stopped reading a story and just said to myself, “Wow.”

San Francisco.
Other people have written about this, too. I don’t live in San Francisco, but I’m familiar with the city from business (and occasionally pleasure). Heather’s writing put me right there, in a natural and unobtrusive way. I’ve seen a lot of people try to write about New York like this, make it a part of the story, and it doesn’t always work. It’s forced, you know? Like it has nothing to do with what’s going on, just name-dropping. San Francisco is a big part of this story, and – like everything else in her writing – Heather has a way of making it work without the reader conscious of it. It just is, and it feels normal. A lot of other people have said it – you feel like you’re right there with Willow & Tara; you almost feel as if you could find their apartment if you were dropped off in the city, it’s so natural and real (side note – by the end of the story, I actually felt the same way about inside their apartment).

Music.
It takes a real artist to make Music work in a medium that isn’t musical. Except for the above-mentioned Heart song, I didn’t really know any of the musical references in this story. But it didn’t matter. I was right there with the girls listening to their music; I wouldn’t be surprised if you showed me a hidden video of me tapping my foot without realizing it while I was reading. And that Heart song Tara was singing at the end, “What About Love?” Yes, that was the first song I actually knew, but Jesus … it was uncanny how perfectly it fit in with everything else. If you didn’t know any better, you’d swear Heather made those lyrics up herself.

Angst.
Alright, I know there are a lot of angst-mongers out there. I daresay most people on these forums are. Aside from a very occasional indulgence, I am not an angst-monger. I don’t go out of my way looking for angst and I don’t listen to “angtsy” music, so it’s a credit to the story Heather created that I was able to enjoy it so thoroughly and so deeply as I did. Yes, I even enjoyed the angst. I never felt like Heather was just hitting us with the Angst Hammer, though – like everything else, it was a very, very natural part of the story & the characters. That’s who these girls are, and I loved them for it. I was physically tense and nervous at times reading this story, and I realized it was because I was that emotionally connected to the characters.

Anya.
Part of what I’m going to say here applies to ALL the characters in the story. Yes, Heather unequivocally nailed them. If you closed your eyes, you’d swear it was actually on TV. I’ve read (and in ages past before there even was such a thing as the Internet, written) fanfic in other genres, but there’s always something lacking – or something added – to the characters that makes them just a little less believable that what you’re used to. Not so here. Even though Heather’s taken them all completely out of the show’s context, the characters are all 100% spot-on. It’s genius, and you see it best with Anya, arguably the least normal of all the show’s core characters. Maybe it’s the way Willow & Tara react to her in the story – much like any of us probably would – that makes her believable in the Real World. Maybe it’s because the story is in San Francisco (yeah, I love SF, too … but it never fails I run into some genuinely weird types every time I’m out that way). Which leads me to …

Radioactive Oddity.
Maybe it’s just me, but I loved this guy. If Heather told us where he was “performing” next, I’d probably go out of my way to see him.

Magic.
The end of “Family” has been my very favourite Willow & Tara moment since I first saw it. When Tara says it in this story after mixing the green paint … I felt like I was floating at the Bronze. I’m not going to gush, I just want to thank Heather. What a gem that moment is.


I could probably write things like this for another 2 weeks. Until Heather comes back and we finally have something else to talk about, I’d encourage anyone else to share their favorite moments of this story with us. There’s so much to choose from (Fairy Lights, the way Tara mixes her coffee).


If Heather never does come back, I’d end this story with “And then she kissed her.” Fanfic about fanfic.

If Heather DOES come back, I hope she never finishes this story. I’d like to keep reading it for another 10 years.


- Wynn

[GreatedEnergy]

Rollin, rollin, rollin....keep this thread a rollin.... I've been lurking for years and this Fic is "delurking" me. Love to see this updated. If not, then, I'm agreeing with gorn...
[If Heather never does come back, I’d end this story with “And then she kissed her.” ]

Only I'd add "FINALLY".... "And then she kissed her, finally."

[willow_tara_always]

thats seriously unfair. i want an update. and im stubborn.

so hurry please b4i get angry

i love your work.

i hope ur well

xx

[IamLoui]

Hey EasierSaid

Just re-read this work, and realised that I hadn't been exaggerating its greatness in the meantime. Truly the best fic I've ever read.

I hope everything is going well for you, and that your extended hiatus doesn't signal anything bad.

Would lurve an update, that difficult coming out weekend... what are the chances?

With respect
Loui

[gorn]

I had a nagging feeling in my heart that this bump wasn't really an update ... ah, well.

But I'm with you 100%, IamLoui. I'd give anything to read another update to this story. It's one of the best things I've ever read.

[Emms]

I'm with everyone else... I want an update too... please????

[EasierSaid]

Kittens So... hopefully you won't mind a few recommendations to help make up for the long absence before we dive into the replies (and of course, an update). Shall we?

1) If you haven't read tarawhipped's Island of DEATH (http://thekittenboard.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=3006), please skip on over there post hasty and give it a go. I'm a big fan of Cam's writing, and thought this Agatha Christie-inspired thriller was a great read. Added bonus, it's now complete, so no fretting about how (or even if) things are going to end (though, feel free to do just that as Cam takes you through a bunch of deliciously macabre twists and turns). Also from the fantabulous tarawhipped, are The Legend of Green Eyed Red (http://thekittenboard.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=2998), a rip-roarin' western in drag, and her newest, Reunion (http://thekittenboard.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=4557), a gut-wrenching but very hopeful tale. I guarantee you can't go wrong with any of her stories.

2) the hero factor (http://www.thekittenboard.com/board/vie ... 1&start=30) has created some Neverland-inspired avatars. She managed to pull quotes that I forgot I wrote - I'm just so flattered and so impressed with what she did. And the best part? This very talented lady has created a large number of lovely picture avatars, as well. If you've been searching for a well-designed avatar, you'll probably find it here.

3) In addition to being a talented writer, impeccable website host, and an all-around swell human being, Artemis is pretty darn good at wallpaper makin', too. Proof positive is a very flattering wallpaper he made just for this fic (http://www.uberwillowtara.com/wallpaper-neverland.jpg). Definite goodness for any desktop in need.

Now on to the replies...

Sally McFine Thank you very much, I'm glad you thought Willow's conversation with her mom was real and familiar; I think anyone who is gay has heard these same things, either from their own parents, or their friends/partner's parents. I think you're right, the weekend is going to be interesting, especially as Willow feels that she knows, somewhat, what she's getting into. They did have a full day, didn't they? Just chock full of action and reflection; hopefully they can now progress through the rest of the week without too many complications (we'll see about that, though...). Glad you loved that Tara gave Willow the painting, and her self-conscious moment at the end. I think we've all been in that situation at least once, wondering "oh god, how must I look?" And Willow's dream... wouldn't it be wonderful if she did start to pick up on Tara's "wanna love ya" vibe? Stay tuned to see if that's the case. Thanks!

MochaVamp Two updates close to each other and then... BAM, nothing for a goodly chunk o' time. Sorry about that! I'm really glad you like the details, and how long it has taken for them to get to know each other (that bodes well!). You're so right about coming out - you never know how it's going to go until the words are out and you're dealing with the aftermath. Fear is a powerful emotion, and so much of coming out is wrapped up in that... I admire everyone who takes the plunge. Something to be proud of, to be sure. Thanks for the CNN tickertape love! I thought that was about how it must of felt for Tara, so glad you got what I was going for.

The Rose24 Thanks for the praise for the two frequent updates, and sorry for disappearing for so long! Couldn't be avoided, unfortunately. I think you're right, they are definitely gravitating toward each other - and tension to be released you say? Hmmm... Thanks!

Artemis Hola Chris! No worries on leaving feedback for 'later' - you were just playing the odds (lord knows there have been some massive breaks between updates this last year - unavoidable, unfortunately). I would probably have done the same, in your shoes! I'm really glad you think of Tara as being arty, even when she's not actually producing - I think that's true of most true artists, and I wanted to show a little bit of how she looks at an average day, finds inspiration in the mundane (or not, in this case). A Willow series of paintings... I'd say "get out of my brain" but I don't want to give too much away, so I'll just nod and say "hmm, Willow series you say." Glad the vacantness of the apartment came through - wanted to give Tara a glimpse of what the life she's been contemplating actually feels like. I think you're right about the questions and conclusions Tara's drawing from things like Willow's 'partner' slips. That's going to be a major hurdle/adjustment for her this week - when will she, or even will she at all, start to let go of her preconceived notions and give in to some of the ideas that are taking shape around her. That's this week for her, I think. So glad you liked perky Dawn - I love Dawn, so that was fun to write. Not sure about a reappearance of Dawn - we'll see where the story goes. Wouldn't mind another appearance though, she's just so much fun to write. Thanks as ever Chris, and I'll catch up with your other feedback in little bit!

Naeryn Well, in my defense I haven't written Willow's coming out bit yet... so, it remains to be seen if it goes as badly as Willow fears it will! Shelia could, I guess, have a perfectly celebratory reaction. (Though, most likely not, story just not going that way.) I think Shelia is written the way you describe sometimes because of her generally condescending, dismissive attitude toward witchcraft in the one episode we actually see her featured. (Though, honestly I think I've read as many, if not more, stories on this board where Shelia and Ira are accepting of Willow coming out and/or being gay, and/or they get to know Tara really well and treat her immediately like a long-lost daughter, than I have read where the elder Rosenbergs have the kinds of reactions I think many here are sadly more familiar with: disbelief, worry, possible rejection, etc.)
From a purely character point of view, it seems easy, or logical (or ah hell, both) to extend Shelia's reaction to Willow's witchcraft use to the cliched "going through a phase" point of view lots of parents bust out when their kids come out. Gingerbread is the only time we ever see her on the show, and hear her explaining away Willow's behavior. It's the only time we, as fanfic writers, ever get to see her go through the motions. If you're ignoring S7 all together (as board rules insist we must), Shelia is more-or-less a blank slate, canon-wise, and it's easy to take dramatic license with her.
Because of the above mentioned board rules, I can't get all into how I feel about the line you mentioned, except to say that it seemed to be some pretty shallow, fraught with possibilities to bely a different, more complicated truth, and frankly, jump-the-sharky. Hope that helps with regard to this Shelia, and thanks for the other kind words.

Thianne Ah, thank you re: the long updates. I do like to go on and on, it seems - it feels wrong to rush things, and most of the time if I have an idea in my head, I'd rather just get it out in one go than try to break it up into multiple chapters for dramatic license (I'm not that good of a writer, haha). Write, post, write, post - that's pretty much how it goes, so if long is what comes out... long is what goes up! I'm really pleased that you thought the last update was satisfying - it was satisfying to write. Glad you liked the quotes - the ideas of what Tara would paint were fun to daydream up. And yes, it is true there is a Sylvester Stallone pudding (http://www.gnc.com/product/index.jsp?pr ... =QUIGO:PRC). I haven't had it, though I had a friend who bought a case, just to try it. He liked it, so it can't be that bad (he has a pretty discriminating palette). Glad you liked Tara giving the painting - a little "I'm-in-love-with-you" card would have been awesome; maybe down the line for them haha. You're right about Willow's dreams - lots of knowledge and wisdom to be found there. Thank you so much for the kind words - really hope you like this next update too!

wimpy0729 Wimpster! Glad to see you. I was on a roll... then I got derailed. But now I'm back... one update at a time! Nice pun, and you're right to be nervous - their conversations have been escalating in that direction. Thanks re: taking them on errands, etc. - probably overkill, but I'm glad you liked. Awesome that you remembered what Tara was wearing, and that you were right there with Willow noticing, that's great. Glad you liked the gift too, that seemed to turn out well. Really hope you like what's to come - thanks!

notl33t A dancing update monkey! Awesome, I feel blessed to have seen this elusive creature! Awesome about the tingles - I feel that way about a lot of stories on Pens; Willow and Tara just have great chemistry. I hope they get together soon too, haha, though that would mean me writing up a storm, and I'm not sure a storm is on the Fic Doppler (or... something less nerdy). I think you're the only one that *wants* to see Xander and Tara's first interaction. It should be interesting, that's for sure. Women without bras are pretty hubba hubba, especially if the shirt is flimsy enough. The Naughty Zone! I've missed the Naughty Zone... check the update to see - enjoy!

db Sorry to spoil with two updates and then split! Life just took a turn, and that turn was far away from the happy land of writing. I'm really glad that you're enjoying the pace, though, that's great news. I think you're right about them being on the brink, and that Tara may be struggling more than Willow. And the little something in Willow's pocket will likely help push things a long, if even just a little bit (more on that in this update). Thank you re: the dreams - fun to write, and definitely a huge part of how Willow is synthesizing information. This update takes place on Wednesday of their week, and so she'll be coming out to Shelia in two days, Buffy in three. I think as scared as Willow is, there is a part of her that is just dying to get it out and get on with life. She has to feel stagnant, you know? Much life to be lived on the other side. The ramifications for Xander and Buffy should be interesting - definitely will get into that some as things progress. I think Willow is afraid of confiding in Tara about her gayness prior to coming out to Buffy and her mom for a couple of reasons; she's self-suficient and headstrong, you know? She wants Tara to see her as strong enough to have done this on her own, I guess, not as someone who needs help. More on that in the coming updates. Willow's dreams are definitely becoming more realistic - the Tara in her dreams is morphing, becoming more like the Tara she's getting to know, less fantastical. Admitting that what she's dreaming is important is the next step - one that she should take, if you ask me. Thanks re: Tara giving Willow the painting - Willow is definitely inspiring. Let's hope Tara realizes that. Thank you so much!

caz Glad you were feeling better Caz, hope you're feeling better now! No painting done for Tara, though I'm sure she enjoyed the walk down memory lane. Shelia... she and Willow just need to have an honest conversation, you know. Admit what they both have to know, and move on. As for Ira, you might be right. I don't think Willow has a clue what's going to happen there. Glad you liked Tara giving Willow the painting, and I hope you enjoy this next update.

WillowRTaraM1 Two updates in one week... and then nothin! Life is cruel (in a wonderful, spending-time-with-the-love-of-my-life kind of way), however, I'm glad to hear you were the happiest little lesbian alive though, that's pretty neat. Tara's love for modern art - seemed very her, so just went with it, and Stallone's pudding - I just couldn't resist. I'm glad Willow's sleepy thoughts about her previous dream made you happy - it'll be interesting how much she remembers, and how much that affects her. Enjoy this next bit, and thanks!

The_Lord_J Not expecting updates is probably safe, considering my recent track record. Let me sound like a broken record in response to your overwhelmingly kind feedback: blush, blush blush! Wow, thank you, means a lot. I'm glad you got Tara's feeling about painting, that 'how can I top that?' feeling. I've read it written that you know you're a writer if you live with a constant knot in your stomach wondering if the last thing you've written was it, the last bit of creativity that you'll ever eek out, and I can definitely relate to that. Thought artists must feel similarly, and I'm glad you've confirmed that hunch! Great anecdote about the comedian! Glad you liked the envelope busting open too, seemed like something that would happen to poor Willow. Thanks very much!

dorksrcool Yay for 24 hour news graphics! So handy in illustrating how being in love can turn you into a sucker. Lord knows I know that feeling (being a sucker sometimes is great)! Glad you liked Tara singing a Heart tune; it came up in shuffle one day and I thought it would be a fun song to feature, especially as the lyrics could fit their situation, somewhat. I'm glad you liked Willow sneaking over for a listen, seemed like something she would do, and noticing the assets? Definitely something she would do! Awesome about your favorite part - I really like the challenge of describing something simple like ambient sound, and I'm so glad you thought it came through. I'm really sorry to hear that your situation with your mom sort of parallels Willow's with Shelia, though I think you're right that it is a very sad, frustratingly common experience. I wouldn't be surprised if most people have either first, or second hand experience with the same comments. I'm glad you think I'm doing an okay job with the dynamic though; I have a hard time writing it, in that it's hard to have anyone say some of the things Shelia says to Willow, but I get a lot of satisfaction picking through the motivations and reactions. I think Tara will definitely give Willow a kiss to make her feel better about the whole sitch; pretty much guarantee that. Thanks so much Amy (and read the whole thing again? Good lord - luck be with you!)

WillowRulez Getting closer to Friday, one extended-break-postponed update at a time! Glad you like Tara sticking her tongue out at the painting - seemed like something she would do. I get what you mean about Willow appearing to move out - I'm not sure she wants Tara to get that impression, but Shelia... I don't think Willow would mind Shelia getting off her back about at least that. Thank you re: Tara browsing through the book - I'm glad you were able to relate! Very funny about actors - pudding or governor indeed! I like my actors, you know, acting, but maybe that's just me! Funny about not seeing Khalil as a nice guy - it's funny how much previous-association can affect you when reading a story, huh? Neverland-Khalil is a good guy though, so hopefully you can just think of him as NK the Good whenever he comes up. Glad you liked Tara giving the painting, as well as their brief conversation. Enjoy the next update!

beanie Ah, you guys are too good to me, praising me for updating quickly right before I disappear for who knows how long. Sorry about that! Thanks re: the pace - I hope you enjoy it, as it unfolds over the next few updates. I'm hoping it'll be worth your while. I'm glad you thought Tara looking through the art book was sighable. You're kind of right, that Willow is aural and Tara is visual (that's a pretty cool observation); cool that it works out that way, lets me cover a lot of stuff! As for Ira... I felt bad that I hadn't really mentioned him, so I tossed him into the mix. Funny comparison with Fried Green Tomatoes - it's been so long since I've read the book that I had completely forgotten about Idgie and the honey. Now *that* was a sighable moment. Interesting comparison between acrylics and oils - I think there is something there. I think with acrylics, you just have to go for it; oils, you can hem and haw and change things and think about things... you have plenty of time to change your mind. So, maybe if Tara is assuming a more acrylic state of mind, she's going to start being more bold, and more decisive. Wouldn't that be nice! Hope you enjoy this next update, and yay for prior Stallone-pudding knowledge.

spells42 Thank you re: the long updates - that's just the way they come out! I enjoy just writing until it feels like I should stop. Great observation about why we all love Tara - I think it's great, and right on. Thanks re: this Tara; you're right, her MOMA-themed life really does color how she sees the world. Willow really is guilt-ridden. Living up to family expectations can be so hard, you're so right, and Willow really is tearing herself apart in managing everyone's expectations and feelings, when in reality she can only deal with her own. I'm glad you found the scene in the studio sweet, it was a lot of fun to write. Hope you like this next update Anne, and thanks for the great thoughts.

willowspiritus Oh man, I hope I haven't really ticked off everyone who praised me for the quick updates after this last long break. So, so sorry! I don't think you're a geek, I've done that before (I know I've done that with a couple of Sassette and Triscuit7 updates, for sure). I hope you liked the update, and that you like the next one. Thanks again (and *you* rock).

Leafsdude First and foremost, thank you for the menagerie of bouncing emoticons (very silly). The girls are doing well, and while I'm not sure an anvil is coming, it's definitely not entirely 100% smooth sailing (though there will be some glassy sections). Interesting options for a Xander Tara meeting - I think there is a third option, in there somewhere, but not sure I know what it is, right off the top of my head. Thanks re: Dawn's weirdness - it's one of the things I love about her (and thank re: the Jennifer Aniston ref). I'm glad you like that Tara's early exposure to art makes her who she is today, and yes, Steven Seagall does have an energy drink (http://www.lightningdrink.com/); I've had it, it really does taste like carbonated pennies and berries. And glad you liked Tara giving the painting - was glad that that bit of chance all worked out. Thanks David!

hondos1st Fluke thing I'm afraid (at least, for then, who knows what the future holds). Thanks so much - please enjoy this next update Rose!

Krokador Ooof, again, feeling bad about spoiling and splitting - so sorry! And yes, the last one was almost a happy one! Wonders never cease, hehe. Hopefully your puppy eyes will like the next one. Thanks!

IamLoui *blush* Thank you, thank you. And no, extended hiatus wasn't anything bad, just, lots of real life stuff to deal with (some of it very happy indeed) that stole my ability to sneak away and write. Hope you like the next update - not quite the weekend coming out, but at least a baby step in that direction.

I_love_Danish So glad you liked Tara giving Willow the painting, and Willow's reaction. I'm sure that when they look back on that moment they'll feel like huge dorks for not realizing how much love was there. And hubba hubba about the lack of bra - glad you enjoyed! Thanks!

Artemis, again Hi, again! I usually combine multiple posts under one mention, but your two replies are so long I really have no choice to break em up haha. (Would confuse myself trying to do it all in one go!) I agree that it would be nice if she could remember her dream, but she may be a touch distracted (just check the update for more on that). I'm glad you liked Willow's conversation with her mom, and I think you're right about the conclusions Willow is drawing; and I think your opinion about Ira is the same opinion that Willow has (in that, she just doesn't know what to expect because she doesn't know him well enough). And thank you for the very kind words about perspective - I'm glad you felt like you could be in Willow's shoes a bit with regard to her family. And yay for Willow's humina! I thought it seemed very her, you know? Never a bad time to interrupt a thought with a little "humina, humina" tangent. I like your thought of Tara transitioning from self-conscious to perfectly comfortable in her nekkid glory - I'm really looking forward to this story reaching that point. Thank you re: Tara as artist-at-heart; it seemed to me that she'd be someone who enjoyed the preparation as well as the creation. Very glad you liked Tara feeling picked on by her painting, and the giving of Confusing. When I was writing the painting exchange, it just seemed to need minimal analysis, you know? That what you mentioned, the joy of the moment, seemed to be more than enough. Thanks so much Chris!

irishgrl3 Thank you so much. I'm so glad you liked the 24 hour news channel graphic - seemed to be an appropriate example of overwhelmingness (perfect for how you feel when you're crushing!). I'm really glad you liked this chapter - it was fun to write, especially the part where Tara was looking at her book. I had been looking at the very book the day before the update, and had a great time thinking about how someone like Tara would look at it, and how it could have influenced them. I think you're so right about modern art choosing her - I think that's the way with most true artists, they feel chosen, like their creations are the result of a calling. The Willow/Shelia conversation was a reintroduction in a way - I wanted to refresh that relationship prior to the coming out, and I knew that the next few updates were going to be more Willow/Tara centric. Seemed to be a good place to remember Shelia's position, as well as learn more about how Willow feels about her coming out process. Thank you, also, re: Tara's gift and the eye twinkles - I enjoyed writing it, so, so glad you enjoyed reading. Thanks so much anna, hope things are well with you as well!

mudrat Two updates in one week... and then nothing for a looooong time. So sorry! I think you're right, they are finally starting to get it, though the realization is *really* slow, and they're not entirely trusting the conclusions they're drawing. I'm really glad you liked Tara looking through her book, her battle of wills with her painting (I'm looking forward to explaining that one, even though I'm really nervous it will be very anticlimactic - and yes, same time as That Day In The Park), her Willow-centric afternoon and the 'Confusing' gift. And no problem about 'educating' you, hehe. Art is fun, I enjoy it, and enjoy writing about it, so glad you're enjoying reading about it! As for what was in the envelope in Willow's pocket... check the update! Thanks so much mudrat.

kimmy_s Three days to read the fic, many months for me to write the update! I like to think that balances out in some way. No smoochies, sorry, though hopefully you enjoyed the journey to the... non-smoochies. Oops about getting into trouble at work though - none of that now! Thank you, for the very kind words, and please enjoy the next update kim.

shane Update...... NOW! (Or, you know, directly below all of these replies.)

captain_katie So sorry for the long delay, hopefully that doesn't mean I'm all sorts of negative adjectives now! Gosh, checking for updates every day... again, sorry! And wow to rereading the whole thing again. That's just... wow. I agree with you about Tara, gotta fall in love with her! Thank you re: the characterization, I've had so much fun spending time with this version of Tara. I'm so glad you like her. And yay for Dawn, right? I love Dawn, so it was great to get her W/T shipping into the story, even if she doesn't know it's W/T yet. I'm glad you like the mentions of the different characters, that's been fun to do, putting them into new but familiar roles in this world. Thank you for the very kind words about the pace - I feel guilty, sometimes, for taking my time getting them together but... there's no other way! That's just the way these two are getting together. Thank you, also, for the kind words about San Francisco's role in the story - it's a character in and of itself. Most wonderful place in the world (I'm biased, I know, but it's true). Very funny about recognizing Citizen Cake! Very cool that it got a Food Network shoutout. Thanks so much for everything, and enjoy the next update!

evie:) Thank you so much evie, hope you like this next one!

PumpkinQueenCassy Welcome! I hope you stick around, and check out some of the other great stories on the board - there are so many great authors here, I bet you would find a bunch of other stories that you loved. Thank you for the very kind words, and hope you like this next update!

pipsberg Hi. No worries on the late feedback, especially when it's not really late! Very emotional heavy indeed; I'm really glad you liked the introspection and reflection. I can guarantee that the Steven Segal drink would be able to fuel your car or clean the house - it is powerful, corrosive stuff (in fact, after my first swig I thought, "well, there goes my enamel"). Hopefully I'm not stealing from your, or your friends' autobiographies with Willow's memories of her parents, but it is sad how familiar the words and feelings are. Coming out is just so traumatic, it's amazing how many brave people take the plunge. Thank so much for the lovely feedback. Very much appreciated.

JustSkipIt Thank you very much; I'm glad you didn't miss the update as well! I've posted so sporadically in the last year plus, that I wouldn't blame you if you did think it was just a bump and stayed away. I had to laugh at your comment about 2006... oy vey, it's been a while, eh? I'm glad you liked Willow and Xander's interaction - he's her anchor in this whole thing, the thing that keeps her grounded and somewhat-sane as she gets blown around by all of the opinions surrounding her. I think you're right about Willow and Tara being nice to each other - that's really the next step, right? Compliments are paid, trust is built, etc., etc. I'm glad you didn't think Tara giving the painting was too hokey, and you're right, I think the glimmer of getting it is shimmering on their horizons. Thanks again, and enjoy the next update.

Kajun I had to cringe a bit when I read the first line of your feedback as it has been MORE than a half year since the last bit! To quote that Nationwide insurance tagline, "Life: It can come at you fast." Thank you for the very kind words - I'm so glad you liked the last two updates. Amen to painters-block, in all of it's various procrastinating-for-lack-of-motivation/inspiration forms. I'm glad you liked the peek into Tara's process - I always find that very intriguing, the glimpse into why someone is creative (or blocked). Especially those who paint; something just so interesting about how works of art are created as it really is something that requires an inner vision and talent not found other places. As for the "Just Paint" painting, I too would love to see it, if for no other reason than I could share it with you guys! In my mind, her work looks a lot like Jean-Paul Riopelle's works "Pavane," "Chevreuse 1954," and "Espagne;" though perhaps a little smoother, bigger chunks of color and big texture. You may be right about Ira knowing; parents are weird in that way, what they know and don't know... but then again, that's always different than what they'll admit, and what they'll accept. Ira is certainly an enigma in that regard. Yay for Heart! Gotta love those Wilson sisters and their strangely fitting lyrics. I think there will be another opportunity for Willow to compliment Tara's voice before this story is done. Glad you liked the gift. As for Tara's dreams... probably not, as in, not like with Willow's dreams, though we'll definitely get a bigger glimpse into her world via fantasies (like the one brought on by the music in her studio, and other things for the future). As for Willow's envelope and Tara's creative juices - check the update. Sorry to have made you wait over six months (oy gevald!), but hopefully you'll like what's next. Thanks!

guitarchic Thank you, and wow, first post! Looks like you've accumulated a few since - hopefully you're enjoying the other great fics on the board. Lots of fun writers here! Thanks so much Lisa Michelle, and enjoy!

behindhereyes Thanks so much Kim. Even with all of the real life living, there's always Neverland, looming large in the background (I have to finish this thing; have to). Thanks for the kind words, and consider Pips squeezed.

potential_angel Damn those Internets filters! Glad you could come back though, and catch the rare, two-update month! (Truly the hardest of feats, these days.) Glad to hear that you boogied down in the IT room. Sorry they're not together yet, but they're creeping in that direction for sure. Glad you liked the pudding and energy drink lines, and hopefully you'll enjoy this next bit. Thanks Mel!

SylverMaki Oh man, hate to hear I've been killing people again! (Seriously, I feel like I'm reaching mass murderer territory here gals and guys...) The coming out weekend is, er, coming. "Slowly but surely" is probably not what you want to hear, but that's what's on the docket. Sorry! Hopefully you'll enjoy the getting there, somewhat. Thansk!

MagicPancakes Mmm, pancakes. I really, really, REALLY love that you love this story. Thank you so much!! And re-read 10 times. WOW. That just blows my mind, seriously. I'm so relieved that you love how long it's taking them to get together (though, I'm sure you mean the story's pace, not my ridiculously slow update schedule). Thank you very much for the truly flattering words; you're really too kind. I'm glad you think the pace and feel has maintained; you're right that the feelings are kind of universal - I think that's why this story seems to work: we've all been there! And thank you for leaving some feedback - no need to feel nerves here, that's for sure! I really appreciate everything, thank you so much and enjoy the next update!

soup-chef English is not your first language? I seriously never would have known - color me very impressed! I'm so glad you like Tara - she's been a blast to write. I've had so much fun imagining all of the facets of her personality. Never gets old. Thank you for the kind words about the story's structure. I feel guilty accepting such high praise because this story is such an accident. When I wrote the first few parts (up through the kitten club) I had no idea that it would be such a huge story, and am shocked and more than a little dumbfounded at what it has become. For it to hold any kind of arc or structure (much less recognizable timeline) is a true miracle. So, thank you! I hope you like how it finishes up, Willow coming out and all. Thanks again for the "wow" words - very much appreciated.

Knock_yourself_out Another lurker - wow, thank you so much for the very kind words. And yeah, kind of deceiving what with the many parts and no completion, but thanks for sticking with it. (And, as a little side note, thanks again to Chris for hosting this bad boy over at Through the Looking Glass; you're a prince!!) I'm glad you like the story so much, and I guarantee that Willow and Tara will not be in their 70s by the time they admit their feelings (though we all may be; kidding!). Thank YOU for the feedback. I appreciate it. (And pay for this? Why? It's free! But seriously, thank you - so flattering.)

raven Thank you so much raven; I hope you're sticking around and checking out some of the other stories on the board - lots of talent here.

Darth_Pacula Real Life *is* infectious! I should have warned those reading the last few updates that they might come down with it. Hopefully you're back on your feet by now though. (And I have nothing against lazy gits; in fact, it is my lifetime aspiration to become one!) Did I hear a niner? Okay, not so much, but a 10-4 is a pretty good second! So glad you liked the last couple of updates. Thanks re: the detail - I thought I did too much, and that people would be bored, but I guess I was wrong. You're right about Tara and the clueage; she knows, even if she doesn't know, if you know what I mean. Defense mechanism is probably absolutely right; she has a lot of feelings invested in Willow, and so far, they've been set to "infinity;" if she starts thinking Willow is gay, some action might be in order, and that pushes the whole timetable forward. That's scary, and she's taking her sweet time working up to it. You're right though, Tara will probably have one long, "oh, that makes so much more SENSE" once she starts to get it. Glad you liked the Dawn-convo; I love me some Dawn, so it was great to get her involved, if even just a little bit. Shelia is a bit of a buzzkill, and glad you liked Xander's enthusiasm for the drink and pudding - I thought he would appreciate it's crime-fighting prospects most of all. Glad you liked Tara giving up the painting, and I agree with you about it's level of gestureness. Thanks so much Paul.

guitar_girl You read this sucker in two days! Holy cow, I hope you're okay (that's a LOT of reading). Thanks so much!

Sahugani Um, here! I'm here! Enjoy the next update!

dragonfly Absolutely no need to apologize for being late - if there was a need I'd be apologizing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Real life is consuming; lord knows I know that. So, no worries, okay? I'm glad you got to come back to two updates and that you liked them both! Yay for alone time and processing. As for Shelia... she wants Willow to be happy, but I think for some parents it is sometimes hard to let go of the idea that you know what's best for your kids, happiness wise, and to step outside of your own fears and hang ups for the good of your kids. Leads to some interesting dynamics. As for the pudding, 100% real! (I linked to the website in one of the previous replies.) Yay for Xander and his ability to whisk Willow away from her mental jumble. Glad you liked Tara giving the painting, and you're right, they're starting to realize what's what. Hopefully you'll like what the next few updates have in store for them, and thanks so much Clau!

Jenara Third time? Holy cow Sandy. Wow, and thank you. I hope you like the next update.

histchic WHEEEE! Yay for pulling heads out of the sand; pretty close to it, huh? And me? Put their heads back in the sand? Whatever for? Hope you enjoy where things go from here Beth. Thanks!

bluebird Aw to the pouting. Hopefully you'll like this next bit. Willow's envelope and more soon! Thank you so much - enjoy!

the hero factor If you're late with the feedback then I'm REALLY late with the updating! I'm glad you liked the reappearance of Buffy, if even in thoughts. I've been meaning to bring her back into the mix; hopefully she'll be less AWOL for the remainder of the story. I think you're right about Tara probably not getting into things with Buffy; wanting to, and actually doing, are two different things. She wants to confide in Buffy, but the actual act of doing just that can seem pretty daunting, I think. Lots of fear there. And yay for Dawn - I love how bubbly and opinionated she is, so wanted to give that a bit of a go. Glad it worked for you! Thanks re: the 24 hour news channel - seemed appropriate. And Tara singing Heart! Gotta love Heart. Glad you liked the painting-giving, and thank you for the wonderfully kind words.

gabbycat Welcome, many months after the fact, to being new to the board. Hopefully you've had a great time since checking out some of the other great stories on the board. Boo to little sleep (and grumpiness), but thanks for the incredibly kind words - can't believe you powered through this ginormous tale in such a short period of time. Thank you so much for the feedback - much appreciated. Hope you like the next update.

Guppy Wow to reading this countless times, and sorry the update is so tardy. Life, whatchagonnado, you know? Enjoy the next part!

sadie Thank you for being patient, even with the hurry, hurry! Hope you like the next update.

DaddyCatAlso Damn the library for blocking access! (Or, you know, something, different cause libraries are great.) As for the very flattering suggestion (seriously - so flattering) that I change the names and submit this for commercial publication... I can't even imagine this story being about anybody but Willow and Tara. Better to leave it as is, methinks! But thank you, very wow. Glad you liked the party parts, and while, no, Buffy doesn't have her Slayer powers, she is quite good at popping up at the most interesting moments.

Emms The beg train? Haha, very funny image. Instead of making choo-choo noises it goes "please-please!" Enjoy the next update Emms, and thanks!

NeTGiRL "Please-please! *chugga, chugga* (I'm such a dork that the beg train cracks me up - see reply above.) Sorry for the long break feeding your impatience, hopefully you'll enjoy the next update!

Katez0r Tattooed story excerpts? Oh please don't do that! Sorry for the late update, don't mean to inspire craziness, or anything along those lines.

simplyblue Update... now! Enjoy!

Reallybigpineapple Cash incentives? Silly! I love the bandwagon and Clint Eastwood mentions - though I think that combo belongs over in the Green-Eyed Red thread! "Mistress of Pain and Most Excellent Fiction?" Now that's a title for the old business card! Question though, why does a re-read (wow, to that by the way) bring on abstinence? I get the grumpiness and the Rocky Road, but the abstinence? Can't get some while reading (okay, maybe not *while* reading, but you get my drift)? Don't tell G.W. Bush about this story then, they'll be force feeding it on kids in third world nations. No condoms for you - only Neverland! (Er, or something that actually makes sense.) Thanks so much Martina, update luuuurve to follow. (And meta for sure about the CRAZY fanfic idea; thanks for sticking up for my eventual return! )

Miss. Darkmoon Continuously for three or four days? Geez Louise! Thank you for the very kind, hyper words Lor, hopefully you'll like this next update!

fabix Welcome first timer! I hope you and your girlfriend are also enjoying other stories on the board. Thank you so much for the very, very kind words (nothing common about them - overwhelming and very much appreciated, for sure). Thanks for the flattering suggestion that I sell the story, and translating it? Oh wow, that's such a mind-bender for me. I can't believe people are reading this in English, much less another language! Thank you, though. Wow.

spikewetnose One day? My word and wow. Thanks for the very kind words, and your welcome re: the music - I'm just so glad people are enjoying the same music I do!

Ealgith Yay first-time poster. Thanks so much - I'm glad you enjoy the gut-wrenching (sounds so horrible, but I get what you mean). Also glad you like the songs too, that's so very cool! Thanks!

pancakesinbellies A bus, huh? Goodness! Thanks so much, I'm glad you like the story. Just out of curiosity, what was your old name?

Starcat Real Life is kidnapping people again? So desperate of Real Life. Glad you could escape, if only for a little bit. Thanks very much for the very kind words; I'm enjoying taking my time with the story (the pace, not the infrequent updates - those are maddening). Thank so much, I appreciate your patience more than you know.

leftindust Thank you so much; very appreciated!

-Always- Aw, *blush, blush* No need to pay money, seriously, free for anyone that want to read it! Thank you very much, I'm so glad you like how Tara describes her painting process and the W/T dynamic. Please enjoy the next update Kym!

dreamin of my rainbow Sorry, sorry. As much as I love this story, I had to attend to other things in the realm of the real. Hope you enjoy the next update (and thank you for the very kind words - much appreciated).

toasterovnofdoom Several times? Oy vey! You guys, seriously. *blush* Thanks so much, I hope you like the next update.

KloeFrost Thank you - hope you like the next part!

leiprechan11 That German eBay ad sounds pretty darn funny; thanks for describing it, though hate to think that this story makes you nervous! Hopefully you'll like what's next. Thanks!

willowflower A whole Sunday? Goodness. I'm glad you liked it, thank you for the kind words (though don't ignore the girlfriend; girlfriends are more important than silly long stories)! Thank you, thank you - please enjoy the next bit.

Belli Bear I love your avatar - I smile every time I see it (I've seen it on another forum, and was happy to see it here). Sorry a bump faked you out - hopefully this will make up for it a bit. Enjoy!

LittleBit I completely understand about your aversion to incomplete fics - I was like that when I first started reading this board. (Some of my favorite fics are probably never going to be updated again though, oddly enough - sad, but I'm still glad I read them, some truly amazing works.) Also completely understand the fatigue, this is a long, long story! Rest assured I'm still around, more or less (less, than more, these days), and eager to complete the story, even if I won't have the kind of time I had in the beginning to devote to it (love, and real life, take precedence these days). I hope you like the next update, and thank you for the very kind words (as well as sticking up for me eventually coming back to write some more).

mag I know, I know - more than six months is a really long time, but I was off saving a cheerleader, or, the world, or whatever. (I'm a huge dork.) No Morgan in this update (well, yeah), and lots of Tara and Willow. Enjoy!

AmbeRocks Thanks for the support Jen, really appreciate it. And yay for real life (if that's what's keeping you from the board). Thank you for the kind words, and if you're around, enjoy this update!

gorn The view total is crazy. Just nuts, I get really overwhelmed whenever I see it. (So, so, so can't believe it - seriously, it's beyond bananas.) I'm out in the world; and even if I'm not posting, the story is always in the back of my mind, so rest assured I'm still eager to finish it. I'm really happy that you enjoyed the story once you hunkered down and dove in. Thanks re: the Fillmore description. I've always been intrigued by how artists describe their work, and their inspirations. San Francisco - best city on earth. Hands down. No arguments. Love, love, love it there, so I'm beyond tickled that you like how it's been featured. I couldn't imagine writing about it any other way. As for the music, that's another happy accident. I'm very inspired by music, and it just kind of infiltrated the story. I've been very surprised, and pleased, by the reaction to the music. Just outstanding that you think it hasn't been a lame part of the story. (And yay for Heart - I had that song on and thought, this sorta fits Willow and Tara... you're right, it's surreal that it just fit.) As for the Angst (capital A, apparently!)... you know, I don't do it intentionally... but who in life hasn't felt low, or desperate, or just like the universe was out to get them (even if for just a moment's thought, 'I can't catch a break'). It seems natural to this situation, but I hope that it's not *just* angst - there's some hope sprinkled in there too. So glad you like Anya, and the rest of the characters. I've had so much fun figuring these people out; I'm glad they resonated with you. Radioactive Oddity - another reason to love SF. And thanks re: the "magic" line - I love tying canon into the story - it's a pure pleasure, and that bit just worked so naturally. I'm glad it worked for you. Thank you so much for the feedback. Very appreciated.

edgyqueen Fanfic about Neverland? Uh. Wow. Is there a word that means "mind-blowing/intimidating concept times 10." Wow. I mean - wow. (I think I need to not take such long breaks... craziness has broken out! ) Thanks edgy!

taliesin Thank so much, and congrats on the delurking! I hope you stick around and check out some of the other stories on the board. Thank you for the über-kind words; I hope you like this next update!

rsawest Thank you very much, and yay for first feedback - hope you get a chance to check out the other stories on the board - lots of really talented writers on Pens.

Sn0wflak3 Sorry. :( Hope you like this next update!

GreatedEnergy Congratulations on delurking! Always nice to see another long-time lurker step into the light. Hopefully you'll stick around and check out some of the other stories on the board. Hope you like the update ("finally"). Thanks!

(p.s. Sorry if I missed anyone - I sort of got confused towards the end with the double/multiple posts!)

[EasierSaid]

Title: Neverland
Author: EasierSaid
Feedback: Yes, please.
Spoilers: None.
Setting: AU. There is no Hellmouth, there is no slayer and no magic of the wicca variety. Just our girls and the rest of the Buffy characters living and loving in that great city by the bay, San Francisco.
Rating: NC-17 with a PG fade
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me Mutant Enemy.
Notes: What's that saying about riding a bicycle? Something, something, riding a bicycle? (Oh boy, here goes nothin'...) Also, a School Hard quote is nestled in here somewhere...

Thoughts in italics

PART 44

Despite a brief feeling of initial discomfort, Willow groaned with pleasure. She had forgotten how much she missed this, her legs spread, the feeling of fullness. She rested her brow against the cool wall before her, then leaned the weight of her body into the surface, her palms bracing her. She felt anxious and aroused, the anticipation of rhythmic release giving her breath a slight hitch. Feels so good, she thought with a soft sigh, before her brow stitched together with a new thought. But how--

"Ooooh," she sighed again, her knit brow going smooth as she gave herself over to the sensation of soft, feminine hands brushing over her hips, stomach, and breasts. Tara, she sighed in recognition of the touch, rocking her body slightly as a more voluptuous body than her own settled against her back, pressing her more fully against the wall, wandering hands making light circles on the slight girl's hips.

"Willow." The breath propelling the name fluttered against the soft hairs on the redhead's exposed neck. The simple spoken word was followed by a brief kiss on a freckled shoulder, and strong hands wrapping around Willow's midsection. The redhead groaned again as the hips nestled against her backside retreated and then thrust forward again. Willow swallowed, her mouth suddenly parched, and she closed her eyes to better concentrate on the feeling inside. Every inch of her was ready for this; she arched her neck before leaning forward again, her own hot breath bouncing back off of the wall and caressing her already-warm cheeks. Again she felt a retreat and thrust, and with another swallow, she rocked her own hips to follow the leader. For a few moments the pace was teasing and slow, gentle give and take designed to familiarize and tantalize. The pace soon changed though, quickening ever so slightly, the blonde's hands holding Willow steady as the thrusts became more urgent and absolute.

Willow cleared her throat as the now brisk thrusts began to push her hips into contact with the wall before her; brief brushes that felt more like shadows of actual impact. She swiveled her crinkled forehead against the warming surface, her eyes still screwed closed, her fingers curling reflexively. Her bare feet felt unsure on the hardwood floor, and her toes twisted and grabbed, like a bird's talons seeking purchase on an icy branch. The hands gripping her body relaxed and retightened, and the pressure from each fingertip caused Willow to tingle and return her own thrusts more forcefully.

A quiver in her right calf was the first indication of impending release--a slight twinge where her back met her rear, the second. Willow dug her fingers into the wall to try and center herself as her hips bucked and jerked. The hands holding her hips from behind slipped, one moving diagonally across her body and coming to a stop on her breast. The blonde's fingers massaged an already tight nipple, her forearm crossing the redhead's body like a seatbelt, reassuring Willow that she wouldn't fall should she become even more wobbly than she even was. The blonde's second hand slipped lower, briefly caressing the top of the redhead's thigh before traveling over, tickling hair, and sliding down.

"Oh god," Willow gargled, her neck arching back, the base of the back of her head bumping and bouncing to a temporary stop in the crook of the blonde's damp neck. Slippery fingers expertly fondled the redhead as the thrusts continued to fill her, and she reveled at how Tara's ardent breath settled in her ear. Willow grunted, the movement of her straining hips causing her head to fall forward with a barely controlled flop. She again rested her forehead against the wall, this time noting how matted her hair was becoming along her hairline, how sweat tickled her temple, trickled between her breasts, and moistened her already sweaty palms. How sweat slicked the skin slipping against her from behind with each thrust. The redhead groaned to feel the blonde's erect nipples press into her shoulder blades, delighted in the satiny feel of Tara's heavy breasts pressing into her back. She shuddered as Tara kissed behind her ear, weakened to feel teeth nibble at her flesh. A tiny, involuntary grunt from the blonde nearly buckled Willow's knees.

The redhead dropped a hand and reached back, fumbling behind her, her hand grabbing onto swaying flesh and leather. She clumsily squeezed and released, her other hand not strong enough on its own to hold her for any prolonged period of time. She returned her palm to the wall and immediately turned her fingertips inward, her nails scraping against the plaster. She groped the wall, awkwardly seeking something on the flat surface to help steady her as the muscles below her waist began to spasm and fire independent of each other. Her left hand finally happened upon the door jamb and she squeezed at the glossy molding, her knuckles turning white, her breath coming in shudders.

She came hard, her back arching ferociously, her toes curled and cramping, fingers dug into the wall and door jamb. Her body tensed and tightened, pleasure slipping through each cell in her body nearly simultaneously, and she found herself panting as she reveled in the blissful feeling of release. Lightheaded as her orgasm receded, her body uncoiled, and she rested in Tara's arms against the wall. "Relax, I have you." Willow nodded her head slightly at the blonde's softly spoken words, the whole of her slim body singing like a tuning fork, held in Tara's soothing embrace. After a long moment, the blonde asked, "good?" The redhead answered the earnest question, spoken softly into her ear, with a chuckle; the chuckle was returned in kind and sealed with a kiss to the redhead's dewey temple. "Good."

"Thank you," the redhead said coarsely, regaining her strength and breath slowly. She stood up more fully as she cleared her throat, the bulk of her weight now resting against the wall in front of her. "Thank you."

"You mean, thank you Good Vibrations," the blonde said, her voice coated in mirth.

"No, mmm," Willow slightly flinched as the feeling of fullness retreated, slowly. "Thank you," she reiterated, turning slowly and resting her back flat against the wall, her still-tingling legs letting the cool surface do most of the work in supporting her slim frame.

Twinkling blue eyes matched Tara's half smile, and as she backed away from the redhead and toward the bed, she ran a finger down the underside of the shiny lavender shaft situated perpendicular to her hips. "More?" she asked generously, hooking her thumb into the white leather harness.

Willow smiled widely and sighed contentedly, the steady throb between her legs intensifying in response to the sight of the blonde somewhat innocently fondling their afternoon purchase. "Give me a minute to regain my senses and we'll see." The blonde's half smile turned saucy and the redhead barely managed to remember to take in a shuddering breath. Wowzers... Tara sat on the bed, and without asking permission, reached over and pressed the snooze button on the newly sounding alarm. "Thank you," Willow said with a deep sigh as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. "You read my mind."

"I try," the blonde replied. "With varying degrees of success..." she added, deadpan.

"Ha, ha," Willow answered reflexively, still luxuriating in the feeling between her legs and the sluggish tone her muscles seemed to have developed. She took in a deep breath and let out a satisfied sigh. I don't ever want to wake up...

The redhead's post-coital bliss was interrupted with an unexpected query. "How do they live like this?"

"Hmm?" Willow asked, not daring to open her eyes, lest the moment, and Tara, disappear. "Who live like what?"

"Men," Tara replied. The redhead's brow furrowed slightly and she peeked at the girl on the bed across the room through a suspicious, squinty eye; the blonde laid prone on her back, and gingerly poked at the erect shaft before her.

Willow opened her eyes fully and raised an incredulous eyebrow as she pushed herself gingerely off the wall. "You know, I really don't want to be thinking about men and their stuff right now, if that's okay..." She stretched slightly, and slowly started a languid walk to Tara's side.

"Their 'stuff'?" The blonde asked, bemused.

"Still thinking about it--"

"Okay, okay," Tara relented, with what the redhead thought was obvious enjoyment at momentarily making her squirm. "What would you like to think about then?"

"You," Willow replied with a goofy grin, as she climbed on to the bed and straddled the blonde's stomach, carefully situating herself so that the lavender shaft gently rested against the curve of her rear.

"Me?" Tara answered, shimmying slightly under the redhead to get more comfortable. "That's a shocker."

"Hey," The redhead mock pouted, swatting the girl beneath her gently. "Be nice."

"I am nice," the blonde replied, her hands moving up to caress the redhead's thighs. "I'm very nice." She slid her hands up and squeezed Willow's hips, gently pushing the redhead back and reminding her of the shaft nuzzling her rear.

The redhead internally shuddered as she agreed, "yes, you are." She leaned forward to capture Tara's lips. After a long, soft kiss, Willow pulled back with a sigh, and awkwardly reached to her side to press the alarm's snooze button. She caught the look the blonde gave her as she straightened her spine, and smiled sheepishly. "What's one or two snoozes?" She asked innocently.

"Or three, or four," the blonde answered, teasingly. "But--" The blonde was cut off by a deep kiss. She moaned in mock protest before succumbing and returning the redhead's passion. After a long lip lock, the redhead sat up, careful not to inadvertently hurt the girl below her by pressing against the silicone caressing her backside, and smiled widely. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped short as a loud thud made her turn and take in the wall behind them.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Tara answered, as she resumed drawing soft circles on the redhead's thighs with her fingertips.

"The thud," Willow answered, still looking to the wall for answers. "With the loud, thuddiness?" She turned back to face the blonde below her, who answered with a slight shrug of the shoulders. "O, kay," the redhead said, returning her full-attention to the girl she straddled. "No on the thud." Tara offered a genial smile and Willow relaxed as she basked in being allowed a long look at the girl below her. The clear, deep blue eyes, the way the girl's full lips parted slightly, as if words were sitting just behind the ruby gates. The redhead thought about their afternoon together the day before, and the blonde's generosity in gifting her with a painting. And, whatever it was that led to me being pushed up against that wall... After a long moment of staring, Willow cocked her head to the side and said, "you look like you want to say something."

"I do?" Tara answered simply, her hands still lazily exploring the redhead's soft skin.

"Yes," Willow replied confidently, her eyes trained on the lips and the words she knew were just behind them.

"Are you sure?" The blonde asked, her expressive eyes meeting the redhead's gaze with an unspoken challenge.

The redhead tried to read the blonde's face, tried to see if the girl was daring her to press the subject. After a long moment spent deliberating, Willow replied hesitantly, "I think so."

Tara smiled widely and warmly at Willow's hedged bet. "What about you?" The blonde asked as she gently poked the redhead's thigh with her finger. "You want to say something, too, you know..."

"I do," Willow answered emphatically. "I mean, I know, I just..." the girl trailed off. "You know I will though, right?" The sincere redhead looked into Tara's eyes. "I'm not just going to, you know, never say it." The blonde nodded. "I could say it now," Willow said cheerfully, her bright green eyes sparking, as she took the blonde's hands in her own and interlaced their fingers.

"You could..." Tara replied, gently. "But, I don't think saying it here counts." She squeezed their joined hands reassuringly.

"No?" Willow replied, her shoulders sinking a bit. "What if you said what you wanted to say." Again her eyes trained on the prone girl's lips.

"Hmm, I don't think it counts if I say it here either," Tara answered, consolingly.

"No fair," the redhead grumbled slightly, untwining their fingers. The blonde chuckled lightly in response.

"What are you going to do about the envelope?" Tara asked, watching with some amusement as Willow ran her hands none-to-slyly up the prone girl's ribcage to her breasts.

"What envelope?" Willow answered distractedly, her green eyes trained intently on her freckled hands fondling the blonde's breasts.

Tara rolled her eyes in reply, and said, "the envelope on your dresser?"

"Oh," the redhead said. "Probably nothing." The blonde raised her eyebrows, and Willow flicked her eyes up to momentarily meet the girl's gaze. "You're too busy," she concluded with an apologetic shrug of her shoulders, her hands still moving gently against the artist's flesh.

"You don't know that," Tara replied, with a slight sigh. She reached up and took the redhead's hands from her breasts, and intertwined their fingers again. She pulled on their entwined hands, urging Willow to lean forward. The redhead complied, essentially pinning the girl beneath her in the process. Willow carefully untwined their fingers, and reached a hand up to smooth back Tara's hair. She gently traced her finger along the girl's jaw, before moving up to softly caress the blonde's cheek. I wish I could spend forever right here...

"Kiss me."

Willow responded to the soft-spoken entreat happily, leaning forward the few inches that separated their lips, her own hair falling more fully forward and lightly brushing against their cheeks. After a few moments, Tara reached up and brushed the hair from Willow's face, tucking it gently behind the girl's ears. When the redhead pulled back to thank the girl, the blonde spoke. "You're late."

"What?" Willow asked, her brown crinkling in confusion.

"That last time, you hit the off button instead of the snooze. You're la--"

Willow jerked awake, her heart hammering in her chest, adrenaline shooting like needles through her veins, as the dream she had so conscientiously tried to stay in faded like a shooting star. She blinked her eyes rapidly, furiously trying to adjust to the muddy morning light saturating her room. She turned her head just in time to watch the clock tick over to 9:09, and deep panic settled into her bones. Nine o'clock meeting, the redhead thought, panicking at the thought of her colleagues waiting for her on the group conference call. I have a nine o'clock meeting. After a paralyzing moment spent staring at the clock, all the redhead could think to say was a meek, regretful, "damn."

***********************************

The second Tara's eyelids opened she was wide awake. There was no blinking back sleep, no adjustment to the pre-dawn light; it was unequivocal, she was already running before her feet hit the cool wood floor.

The blonde sighed as she pushed the covers from her chest, her body protesting at her mind kicking out of bed at this ungodly hour, and at the dense chill in the air. She rubbed her face, and blew out a puff of air, hoping the action would help kick start her sluggish muscles. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and again sighed. The anxiety she felt was almost oppressive; it was like a heavy stone of stress pressing against her chest, and Tara knew that it was this feeling, and this feeling alone, that roused her from the short, fitful bit of sleep she had enjoyed after the previous, late night spent working. Her mind was a mess of thoughts and worries, tasks and troubles flooding her to the point that she was almost unable to identify one from the other. It felt like each individual concern, each activity she had yet to accomplish was like a dry leaf caught in an updraft, and there were so many leaves tumbling around in the windstorm of her mind that she could hardly pick them out as they swirled, dipped and soared.

In the shower, as her muscles warmed and woke, she formulated a game plan, quickly identifying each of the tasks and thoughts the numerous swirling leaves represented. Her movements were purposeful as she washed, and she quickly and efficiently went through her morning bathroom routine, dressing in the same determined manner.

She headed downstairs in socked feet, reviewing her mental morning to-do list as she did, and accepting that she'd have to create an entirely separate list for the afternoon and evening. How did *this* much work build up? Entering the kitchen, she flicked on the overhead light, and made coffee while toasting two english muffins. Careful to pour the steaming kettle before it whistled, so as to not wake Willow hours before her alarm was sure to sound, the blonde polished off the last bite of muffin, brushed the crumbs off of her hands over the sink, flicked off the light, and carefully made her way to her studio in the near dark, the steaming coffee press and empty mug in hand.

She placed the press and mug carefully on her shadow-covered desk, dipped back out into the hallway, set the thermostat with squinting eyes, then returned to her studio and flipped on the overhead lights. The lights flickered on above, and she was immediately confronted with color, as the paintings lined along the walls and easel seemed to wake from their own slumber. The blonde slipped on a pair of clogs she kept under her desk, poured herself a cup of coffee, and sighed. The sigh done, she took a cautious sip of the hot, black liquid, placed the mug back on the desk, and then immediately set to work, plowing methodically for the next two and half hours straight as she plucked leaves from the updraft and ticked items off of her to-do list.

All of that frantic activity had led to this moment, about twenty minutes after eight, where she sat slumped at the kitchen counter next to a half eaten parfait, and absentmindedly picked at some dried paint on her plastic watch, too exhausted to do much of anything else. The watch sufficiently picked over, she reached up and lethargically brushed some hair from her bloodshot eyes, and then dropped her leaden hand to the counter. Ugh, she thought, turning her neck to the side slightly, hoping to elicit a satisfying series of cracks, I could fall asleep right here. Denied the desired readjustment, she slowly reviewed her morning. She had accomplished more than she had expected to; invoices were filed, budgets were set, paints were organized... Indeed, she had almost completely robbed the updraft in her mind of every single dry leaf spinning behind her brow. All, save one. She let her tired mind think about the last dry leaf floating around her brain, the one that she couldn't simply work away.

'My Xander.'

'My Xander.'

'My Xander.'

The blonde sighed. It was useless. She knew she had heard the phrase spoken by Willow the previous afternoon, before; the same tone, same inflection, same everything--but where? When? Well, there was the Thai dinner last week... the artist allowed. Willow had said 'my Xander' that night, right after she confirmed that she loved him at my prompting... the blonde thought, rolling her eyes at the uncomfortable memory. But... that's not it. Tara decided with a little shake of the head after a long moment spent deliberating. The tone was all wrong--that 'my Xander' had been different, meant something different. It had been softer, deeper, more feeling behind it... 'my Xander' from yesterday on the street was friendly. Platonic...? The blonde questioned. Thai-'my Xander' was much more than the buddy reference from the street, if indeed, Tara was correct in her assessment of yesterday's tone. Maybe she used the term another night, over dinner, or...?

The park? Tara thought, bringing her fingers to her face to bite on a ragged thumbnail. No, Willow had never said anything remotely so possessive. Hence the me getting my hopes up that day... the blonde thought somewhat ruefully. The redhead's mentions of Xander were more anecdotal that day, about how the dark haired man had once drunk an entire gallon of Gatorade without taking a breath to impress a girl in the seventh grade, or this one time when he thought he had syphillis. The blonde examined her nail, and deciding that it was sufficiently smoothed, dropped her hand to her lap. When else? The redhead spoke so infrequently about Xander that the instances when she would have said 'my Xander' were few and far between. I know I've heard it before though... Tara thought, as she tried to stretch her mind and remember less intense interactions with the redhead. Quiet moments over dinner in month's previous, perhaps, or some night when talking with Buffy... Tara exhaled sharply and rubbed her hands over her face in exasperation. Where did I hear her say 'my Xander?'

And then she laughed.

She had to laugh, because when she really thought about it objectively, the whole silly situation was funny. Five days ago she was convinced Willow was madly in love with Xander, and now, because of some throw-away line on the street she's sitting here trying to convince herself that, what? They were just friends? That Willow didn't really love Xander? That what she had overheard outside of Morgan's party was something else entirely than the plaintive cries of a girl having her heart broken into a million pieces by the construction worker over the phone? And why, why would she suddenly shift gears and suppose that something that had been canon to her, that Willow loved Xander, simply wasn't true? Because Willow said, 'my Xander' in a way that reminded the blonde of something she had possibly heard the redhead say in the past (though maybe not). The blonde chuckled again. So, so ridiculous...

The soft laugh evolved into a full-fledged chortle, the blonde's shoulders bouncing slightly as she further evaluated her thoughts. I mean, how ridiculous is this? Her brain kicks her out of bed because she was nearly suffocating from stress about her lack of painting progress and she's worrying about this? She has a date? with Morgan tomorrow afternoon and she's worrying about 'my Xander?' "Unbelievable," the blonde said to herself quietly, her laughs winding down. Tara thought about yesterday, how she had accomplished far less than I should have, and decided right then and there that the contemplation, the near-obsessive pondering of Willow's romantic inclinations had to stop. At least for today. She was too tired, too busy, to let another day slip away as she anguished about her attraction to Willow, and Willow's maybe attraction to Xander. Today, the blonde evenly concluded, is a Willow's-love-life-free day. The girl nodded her head. Yup, just a relaxed, non-analyzing day... She sighed softly. Best of luck with that...

The blonde stretched slightly, and sighed, the expel of air her way of letting the mental heavy lifting go for the time being. She turned in her seat and looked to the window across the way. Water ran down the surface in streams, shiny light pushed into the big room by a wall of gray. She put her hands on the corner of the chair, and then rested her face on her wrists, allowing herself the pleasure of simply spacing out.

She had spent a long time staring out the window the previous night after she finished applying gesso to the last of her empty canvases. She just sat and watched the fat rain drop and the odd car drive by. The streetlights framing her hilly side street lit the stormy world in yellow; a faint, pervasive glow that illuminated the shimmering buildings' reflections in the rippling puddles on the asphalt, casting the night's objects in a strange sepia tone. It took a long time, many moments spent staring at nothing and everything before the color seeped into her pupils and became the lens through which she saw the next step. When she turned back into her studio, to investigate a floorboard creak--or perhaps it was the silence of the place as Willow slept above--her gaze met the waiting canvas and it was clear; clear as the gloomy, moody night outside was increasingly shrouded in famous fog, just exactly what the color for the next base layer of paint on the fire side of her 'Frost/Flame' painting had to be. This yellow, this subtle yellow would ground the blaze sitting atop it, making the subsequent layers, the oranges, reds, and so ons, pop and crackle like a splintered, lit, wood match.

When she had looked over the piece in the morning, she had been somewhat surprised by how the yellow looked upon re-examination. At first she thought it was how the paint had oxidized, how different it looked compared to her usual slow-drying oils, how odd it was to see paint in a more advanced, finished form just hours after its application, but upon closer inspection, she realized with some amazement and pride that it was just the color she created. A simple, elegant yellow pulled directly from a street lamp's reflection in a shallow pool of water. It was almost hypnotic; not bright enough to be brash, but not common enough to be characterless. It was soothing and stunning, a quiet counterpoint to the blue to its left, and yet a definite promise of a fierceness yet to be applied. While Tara knew the yellow would be almost totally obscured by the next few layers, she felt confident that it wouldn't be overshadowed. This color, born of some simple, somnolent moments spent zoning out, could hold its own. It was searing and serene simultaneously; it was first glimmer of the mesmerizing flicker of a flame.

Tara let her mind linger on the near-completed painting in her studio. As a whole, it looked wonderful, almost exactly as she had first envisioned it would at this stage when she heard the song lyrics a week before. 'Or else this heat might turn to frost...' One half was cracked blue ice, an effect that she had toyed with in early works, yet had finally realized here. It looked cold, looked as if it would bite the tender skin on her finger tips if she reached out and touched it's fractured surface. The other half was fluid and fat, waves of as-yet undeveloped heat threatening to overtake the icy stiffness to its left. She had another few hours to wait before she could apply the next layer, a rich crimson, or brazen copper, that she'd float above the previous night's yellow.

Maybe a shimmery gold? Tara frowned slightly, and swiveled in her chair till she was once again facing her half-eaten parfait. She kept second guessing the next step, unsure what exactly the work needed to give the flame it's heat, it's spark, the fire that would warn those who looked at it not to touch for fear of getting burned. A touch of orange, or perhaps a daub of transparent red, the blonde thought as she mentally spun through her own internal color wheel. Just one, little, touch...

The artist searched briefly, then surrendered, realizing that if it hadn't come to her when she first thought about it, it wasn't going to come to her if she pushed now. I'll figure it out later, she thought drowsily, as she reached over and fingered through a pile of papers to her left. Confirming with a quick glance that she had signed them all, she turned back to her breakfast and picked up her spoon. She half-heartedly swirled the utensil in the yogurt, and stole a glance at the microwave clock across the kitchen. Willow should be up by now... Tara thought. She had thought she heard an alarm sound a few minutes back, but when no movement followed, the blonde surmised it was her mind playing tricks on her. Not that she was waiting for the redhead... only I very much am, Tara admitted. She was eager to see the girl, spend a few minutes talking with her before the day got really crazy and they splintered off into their own worlds.

The blonde had no reason to believe the redhead would wake before 9, other than it was close to her usual schedule, and she knew that Willow did intend to work a full day. And, she will definitely need coffee before she plops down in front of the computer, which means a sure trip to the kitchen. The blonde smiled at this bit of familiarity. Tara again looked to the stairs, thinking she heard a muffled beeping sound. It abruptly stopped, and again there was no movement. Maybe she's snoozing... the blonde thought, remembering that Buffy had told her Willow was the queen of snooze. "'Just ten more minutes' should have been her senior quote in the yearbook," the petite blonde had once related years earlier. Tara smiled slightly. Maybe she's having good dreams...

The blonde was roused from her thoughts by the phone ringing to her right. She put down the spoon and awkwardly reached over and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"You know what I've decided I don't like?" a voice on the other line asked rhetorically.

"Small dogs in bejeweled jean jackets?" Tara asked with a slight smile, recognizing the perky tone immediately.

"Time zones," Buffy answered decisively. "They just don't work for me. When Dawn waits until 9am this morning to tell me you called last night, I then have to wait three hours until 9am-ish to call you back, and that really doesn't work with my do-things-now type of schedule."

"I'm sorry," the blonde replied, an amused grin gracing her lips.

"Yeah," the petite blonde sighed dramatically, "well what are you going to do..."

"Petition Congress for a single time zone?"

"Eh, sounds like work," Buffy said with what Tara could only imagine was a shrug of her shoulders. "So what's up?"

"Up?" The blonde asked innocently as she nervously straightened in her seat, suddenly remembering *why* she had called Buffy the day before. Oh no...

"With... you..." Buffy carefully led. "I didn't wake you up did I--"

"N-No, no," Tara reassured, blinking herself a shade more awake. She felt surprisingly vulnerable all of the sudden, and far too fatigued to deal with a noon-day Buffy as she herself just struggled to form words into complete sentences. Especially if she's going to grill me about what Dawn said... "I-I've actually been up for a while..."

"Mice in the walls?"

"More like in my brain..." the blonde replied wearily, rubbing her forehead slightly. She had almost completely forgotten about calling Buffy last night, that she had come a Dawn-save away from spilling her biggest secret to her best friend. Of telling Buffy that she loved Willow. Didn't I *just* decide to have an angst-free day? Tara thought a little bewildered. I don't know if I can do this now...

"Ah, the big spinning, squeaky exercise wheel of stress," the petite blonde said, her perky voice rich in sympathy.

"I have like seven days until I have to turn four paintings over to Marissa," Tara said heavily, her mind spinning out scenarios of how this conversation might go. Did Dawn tell her about our talk?

"And..."

"I have one, and it's not finished," the blonde answered, hoping beyond hope that Buffy was just calling to chit-chat. Does she know about Dawn's 'straight girl' crack?

"Ouch."

"Yeah," Tara confirmed with a sigh. She looked down at her hands, and sucked up her courage. If she's going to ask, she's going to ask... the blonde reasoned. There was no stopping Buffy when she had a point to make. "So..." Tara cautiously led. "Dawn remembered to tell you I called...?"

"Barely," Buffy confirmed, her tone affectionately annoyed. "It came out in a burst, with some rambling and big, big eyes while we were brushing our teeth. You know, I love the kid, but it seems like this last year has turned the perky-crusader dial up to 11. That, and she seems oddly enraged with Bran Pitt."

"B-Brad Pitt..." Tara said, squirming slighty in her seat.

"Brad Pitt," the petite blonde confirmed.

"Oh," the blonde answered, unsure of what else to say. So did Dawn tell Buffy about Tara's 'partner' question or not? Did she mention 'the straight girl,' or what...? She suddenly felt like the main character in a video game she had played as a child. She had successfully jumped the Xander-Willow pit of quicksand earlier in the morning, only to now find herself dangling precariously from a swinging vine over the open, snapping jaws of a crocodile named Buffy.

"I'd go into it," the petite blonde said, bringing Tara back from her momentary lapse into Pitfall-land, "but honestly I don't understand it myself. Something about him not being a good partner, or whatever."

"Oh," the blonde repeated, a little more relieved by Buffy's seeming ignorance of Tara and Dawn's conversation. "Well that's... H-How are you?" Tara managed to ask after a brief blip of silence. Okay, that was close... the blonde thought, exhaling a shaky breath. Funny how that works--last night I felt like if I didn't talk to Buffy about things I would break into a billion pieces, but now...

"Everything's fine," Buffy answered breezily. "Or, at least, okay. I spent a small fortune on some new cream rinse yesterday, and it's neither creamy nor rinsey." Tara smiled, despite herself. Good ol' Buffy... "It's still cold as a sub-zero meatlocker, but at least I have my snuggly yet stylish jacket, and we're still getting along. Mostly."

"Well, mostly is better than never."

"We were going to do the whole, Freedom Trail thing today," Buffy continued, "but the snowflakes outside and my constant whining convinced Dawn that the aquarium would be a better option. I think she made the right choice. We're going to head over after her English class."

"Cool," Tara replied, a ping of guilt tugging at her heart as she listened to her old friend go on about her vacation, oblivious to how close the blonde had come the previous night to confiding in her. I am such a coward...

"So what have you been up to, besides not painting?"

"Just, trying to get inspired," Tara said, drawn back into the conversation. "We went shopping yester--"

"We?" Buffy asked, curiosity dripping off of the single syllable question.

"Oh," Tara thought, her tired mind just catching up with her mouth. Couldn't have just said, 'I?' "Me, and Willow..." the blonde clarified, strangely nervous about the mention.

"Grocery store?" the petite blonde asked.

"A-Anya's, actually," Tara corrected.

"You... took Willow... to Anya's?" Buffy asked, her voice coated with an unmistakable incredulousness. "Huh."

"Huh"? Tara thought, her brow crinkling. Maybe it was her imagination, but it seemed to the blonde that a certain amount of tension had seeped onto the line with that short, pensive 'huh.' "I needed paint, s-she wanted to get out of the house..." Tara elaborated, Buffy's last word reverberating in her mind. "Huh"?

"And how is Anya?" the petite blonde asked carefully.

"Fine," the blonde replied, as cheerfully and non-chalantly as she could. "Making money, hand over greedy fist. She's thinking about buying an antelope..."

"You mean an Impala?" Buffy asked, confused.

"I guess antelope are like impalas," Tara said with a sigh, still a touch exasperated with the store owner's insistence on buying an endangered animal. "They're both deer, or, goats..."

"And, silly me, I was thinking of a Chevrolet..." the petite blonde trailed off. "I'm sorry, I'm still a little stuck on Willow wanting to go to Anya's store," the girl admitted.

"Cabin f-fever," Tara answered, repeating what Willow told her the day before. "It's been raining almost non-stop this week... I think she wanted to just, get out of the house. It didn't really matter where we went."

"I guess..." Buffy replied, skeptically. "I just thought that after their run-in at your last party that Willow would have rather bathed in tadpoles than spend time with Anya."

"Well, W-Willow kept her distance," Tara answered with a slight head bob. More, Willow ran far, far away while Anya stalked her from across the room... "They didn't, really, talk, that much, or anything..."

"So nothing embarrassing happened?" Buffy asked. "At all?" When Tara didn't answer right away, the petite blonde prodded. "Come on, this is Anya, she must have said something, done somethi--"

"She dragged Willow into Good Vibrations w-when we were walking back to our car," Tara blurted, immediately reasoning that if she hadn't mentioned it, Buffy'd hear about it eventually from Willow and wonder why the blonde just didn't tell her on the phone. Right?

There was a loud guffaw on the other end of the line. "I knew it! Kicking and screaming no doubt."

"Not quite, b-but close," Tara admitted. It felt weird, wrong even, to be speaking about Willow like this. I should have kept my big mouth shut...

"I bet Will morphed into the dictionary definition of 'spaz;'" Buffy bubbled. "She's such a prude—you know I've been trying to get her to go there for two months with me; you should see the look on her face every time I suggest it... it's like I was asking her to lick the sidewalk."

"I don't think that makes her a prude..." Tara replied, her unease with the conversation topic intensifying.

"Oh please Tara," Buffy continued. "She's worse than you were."

"Thanks," the blonde said with a slight frown, remembering her own embarrassing experience at Good Vibrations years before.

"You know what I mean," the petite blonde chided.

"I do," Tara replied. "Hence the 'thanks'."

"Okay... you *do* know that I'm kidding, right?" Buffy asked, a little confused by the blonde's responses.

"Yes," the artist answered after a mini pause.

"Are you sure?" The petite blonde asked, skeptically. "Cause, you're kind of sounding all big with the doubt right now."

"No, I, I just," Tara paused, searching for words. "I, I'm, sort of, uncomfortable, t-talking about W-Willow like this."

"Since when?" Buffy asked.

"Since..." Since I almost admitted to you yesterday that I'm in love with her. "You just, you didn't s-see her face yesterday, that's all." Coward.

"Okay," Buffy allowed. After a long pause, she spoke. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable; that was sort of Mean Girls of me to laugh at Anya humiliating Willow now that I think about it."

"It's okay."

"From now on, no more laughing at the misfortune of others," Buffy amended, "unless they really, really deserve it." Tara rolled her eyes and smiled softly. "Anya didn't by any chance step in a really deep puddle after dragging poor Will into the ooo-baby-ooo-baby shop, did she?"

"Um, no."

"Damn."

There was a loud buzz at the door, and Tara snapped her head up sharply to take in the shrill noise blaring from the intercom. "Buffy, hold on one minute, someone's at the door," She heard the petite blonde agree with a mumble, and she stood, placing the receiver to her chest as she crossed the room. When the blonde made her way over to the intercom she pressed the 'Talk' button. "Hello?" She pressed the 'Listen' button, and waited.

"Ms. Maclay? It's Joel Wertz from Ship/Art International; I have a delivery for you from the Cross Street Gallery, and a scheduled pick up and delivery to a Mr. Howry."

She again pressed the 'Talk' button. "Yes, please come up." She pressed the downstairs buzzer and opened the door to the apartment, before taking a couple of large steps back into the main room to make room for what she knew would be a large delivery. After a deep breath she brought the receiver to her lips. "Buffy?"

"Who's visiting before 9 in the morning?" the petite blonde asked, truly curious.

"It's actually a delivery and pick up, I have some paintings coming and going."

"Ah," Buffy said, familiar with the process from previous deliveries and pickups at their shared apartments.

"Buffy, I'm going to have to go," the blonde said, rubbing the back of her neck lightly.

"Tara," the petite blonde protested. The blonde turned to face the door as she heard the movers climbing the internal steps to her home.

"Buffy--"

"I haven't talked to you in the longest time and I feel, so, so out of the loop out here. I haven't talked to Willow since last Friday, Xander's all avoidy," Tara's brow quirked at that, and she looked up and waved the delivery men in. She mouthed 'sorry' to the man holding the clipboard; he smiled politely and mouthed back, 'no problem.' "Can't you just, keep talking while they do their delivery business?"

"No, I- One sec Buffy." Tara again put the receiver to her chest. "Hi," she said to the two men holding the large plywood crate. "You can just put it down over there." She pointed with her free hand to an open area between the dining area and the living room. She then turned and addressed a young man holding a clipboard. "The other painting is in my studio, I'll grab it in a minute, and the paper work is there on the counter." The clipboard man nodded, and moved over to collect the stack of paperwork. "Buffy," the blonde said, bringing the receiver back up to her face. "I really have to go--"

"Tomorrow; can we at least talk then?" The petite blonde asked. "I'm free around 6, so, 3 your time; can I call you then?"

"Sure," Tara initially agreed. Wait-- "Wait, no, I--"

Her words were interrupted by a massive thud, as the two men holding the crate misjudged their actions and dropped the freight about a foot to the hard wood floor. Tara winced at the loud noise, and reflectively looked upstairs.

"I'm sorry," the clipboard man said hastily, rushing back over to the crate and instructing the two to pick the crate up again so he could inspect the floor beneath.

"No, it's okay," Tara said stepping forward, reassuring the men. "I'm not worried about the floor, so much, I- I'm sure it's fine, it's just my roommate is still sleeping upstairs--"

"She's still sleeping?" Tara heard a muffled Buffy exclaim.

"Just, if you could please--"

"Be more careful," the man said with a nod, saying it half as a reassurance to Tara, and half as an instruction to his assistants that they would. The men holding the crate nodded contritely, and after resting the crate gently on the hardwood floor, began to unhook the various latches keeping the crate's facing on.

"Buffy--"

"3 o'clock tomorrow."

"I, I c-can't," Tara said, rubbing a free hand across her brow. Great, the big thud probably woke up Willow, the drop probably scratched the floor, Buffy won't get off the phone--

"Let me guess, plans with Willow," the petite blonde said, her voice flat.

That was weird... "Morgan," Tara corrected, her brow quirking at the tone of the petite blonde's voice.

"Morgan?" The petite blonde perked up. "You have a date?"

"No, it's, it's professional," Tara said, her attention torn between the stairs, the men working before her, and the never-ending conversation on the phone.

"Professional," Buffy repeated, doubtfully.

The blonde turned her full-attention back to the phone. "She wants me to look over her portfolio, help pick out some paintings for the L.A. show."

"Are you ever going to date this girl?"

"Buffy--"

"I'm just worried about you, Tare. You have this hottie after you and... you're shopping with Willow." Tara's brow crinkled. What does that mean? "Just, call me? Soon? I'm lonely."

"Lone- what about Dawn?"

"She doesn't count," Buffy said with a sigh only an older sister could make. "Nobody that mad at Brad Pitt truly counts, unless you're counting crazies or you're Jennifer Aniston."

"Okay, I'll call, soon," the blonde said, eager to get off the phone at the mention of the 'partnered' actor. "Now, go have fun at the aquarium."

"Oh yeah, jellyfish, here I come."

"Bye," Tara said with an amused shake of the head.

"Good luck with the painting," Buffy answered.

With a sigh and click, the blonde turned off the phone and dropped it to her side. "I'm sorry," she quickly said to the men in her great room.

"No problem," clipboard man replied. With a swift pull, the two handlers removed the front panel of the crate, and revealed 'Fillmore.' Tara smiled softly. She hadn't realized until that moment just how happy she was to see one of her favorite paintings, how much she missed it on a day-to-day basis. Her attention was quickly pulled back to the man carrying the clipboard. "Hi, I'm Joel, we spoke on the phone?" He reached forward and offered his hand.

"Hi," she replied, taking the man's hand and shaking it. I must look like death right now... "Thank you for agreeing to squeeze in my delivery."

"No problem, Miss Maclay," he said, genially.

"Please, call me Tara."

"Alright, Tara," Joel said affably. "Where would you like this one?"

"Here's fine," Tara said quickly, turning back to the two men holding the now-free 'Fillmore' upright. "If you could just lean it against the table there, I can get it later."

"Are you sure?" Joel replied. "We do specialize in installation--"

"It's okay," the blonde said with a warm half smile. "It's an easy one." She lightly patted her hip to quick start her brain, and then pointed at Joel. "If you hold on one minute I'll go get the other painting from my studio."

"Sure thing," the man said, tapping the clipboard slightly.

Tara smiled again, and quickly turned, depositing the phone on the kitchen counter before she exited the great room, and rushed down the hallway to her studio. She entered the room and darted to the wall featuring the windows. A large earth-tone abstract sat framed and ready to go near the far corner. She picked the abstract up gently, and started for the main room, stopping only when she heard a flurry of activity upstairs. Well, I guess she's awake now... the girl thought, as she briskly exited the studio. I hope the thud didn't wake her up on a day when she was hoping to sleep in...

Tara smiled wildly as the two men near the crate came forward and expertly took the painting from her. They quickly turned and began to secure the work; she turned her attention to Joel as the front face panel was moved to the crate and the men began busily buckling it into place. "Um, M-Mr. Howry will need help with the installation," she said. "He's a bit prickly though, so please don't take it personally if he asks you try a couple of different places."

"No problem," Joel said with a chuckle. "We deal with 'prickly' all of the time. Now," he moved to her side. "If you could just sign here," he said, pointing to a line on the first piece of paper attached to the clipboard. Tara took the clipboard and quickly signed. "And here," he said, flipping the page and pointing to another empty line; Tara signed quickly. He ripped off a carbon copy and handed it to her. "This is your receipt for the delivery," he said, before ripping off another carbon copy. "And this is your receipt for the pick up."

"Thank you," Tara said, folding the papers and placing them on the table near her.

"And, this is for you," the man said, freeing an envelope from his clipboard and handing it to the clearly surprised artist.

"Oh," Tara said, slightly confused as she looked at the cream colored envelope with her name handwritten on it. She flipped it over to see the gallery's logo embossed on the back.

"Is there anything else we can do for you today, Ms.- Tara?" Joel asked, helpfully.

"No, I think that's it," she said, looking up from the envelope with a half smile. "I'll call Felix about scheduling the pick-ups for next week."

"Sounds good," Joel said with the nod of a head. Tara reached into her pocket and produced an envelope of her own, which she handed to Joel. He smiled politely upon receiving the tip, then nodded to the two men; they gently picked up the crate, and exited the apartment. Tara closed the door behind the three men and sighed. Well that was chaotic, she thought, noticing with some confusion the lack of sound coming from upstairs. She *was* awake, right? The blonde frowned slightly, unsure if the noise from before was just her tired imagination or a waking Willow, then moved back to her seat at the counter.

Once seated, she quickly opened the envelope, unsure about what the contents would be. 'Please come celebrate the artists who made Cross Street Gallery's biggest show their biggest success, next Friday at 8 p.m.' The blonde read over the fine script, finding her name prominently featured, and noticed with some gratitude the quick 'plus three,' written along the bottom in Lucy's recognizable hand. Plus three, she thought with a slight grin.Definitely moving up in the world...

Tara actually wasn't surprised that Marissa was having a party to close the series; it was a great way to get a large number of buyers together in the same room, and could help expose artists to a different clientele than they were used to seeing at their own openings. She flipped the card over, expecting to see a blank space, only to find a handwritten note, reading: 'Bring Willow!' Tara's brow furrowed. It seemed an odd thing for Marissa to write, given her earlier, 'pining for a straight girl' comment, and the way the frizzy haired woman had looked at Tara when she saw Willow by her side at Morgan's party. Which is why, the blonde thought, the proverbial light bulb flickering on above her brain, Michelle probably wrote it. The blonde let that sink in, and blushed. What does she know...?

Tara sighed, and tucked the invitation into her pant's pocket. She'd worry about who she'd bring, and whether Michelle was on to her, another day; now, now was work time. She quickly cleaned and dried the parfait dish, before moving to the great room and gently hoisting 'Fillmore' onto her hip. She stole one last look at the stairs, and with a deep sigh, shuffled off to her studio for what she hoped would be a productive rest of the day spent within it's four walls.

[mole]

OMG!!!!! An update!!!! DIBS......

Home from work at last....time for feedback.

Heather, I think it's safe to say you do not need to worry about riding bicycles or not remembering how to write. Wow. Nothing like a hot, sexy dream to get you back into the flow…er…that may have been a poor choice of words;)

Her bare feet felt unsure on the hardwood floor, and her toes twisted and grabbed, like a bird's talons seeking purchase on an icy branch.

This is just beautiful imagry.

Isn't it amazing how our subconscious mind niggles away at a problem and points us in the right direction. If only we would listen to it more closely, perhaps the world would be a brighter, more loving place.

ARGH!!! What's in the envelope???? Okay...sorry for that outburst. Back to the regulary scheduled feedback-y bits.

The streetlights framing her hilly side street lit the stormy world in yellow; a faint, pervasive glow that illuminated the shimmering buildings' reflections in the rippling puddles on the asphalt, casting the night's objects in a strange sepia tone. It took a long time, many moments spent staring at nothing and everything before the color seeped into her pupils and became the lens through which she saw the next step.

I've said this before, but I think it bears repeating. I love the way you describe Tara's creative process. Having no artistic ability to speak of, it's fascinating to hear, see, feel how an artistically inclined person creates her world, her vision.

I also really enjoyed the way you intermixed both sides of the story into the same timeline. The thud in Willow's dream caused by the delivery guys dropping the crate....nice depiction of the overlapping of time and experiences in the piece.

When in the world is one of our grrls work up the courage to say something?! Tara has fallen for Willow, probably fell that day in the park (and speaking of the park, are we ever going to find out what happened that day?...no pressure, just curious:) ) Willow has fallen for Tara. And yet, neither one can see the forest for the trees. Although, it will make for fun "remember when" stories once they are together and they can laugh at how blind they both were.

I'll close with a heartfelt "welcome back" and a wish for an update soonish.

Thanks for taking us along on this wonderful ride.

Michelle

[LittleBit]

OMG I must be in heaven!!!! An update has been posted and is well received!

Thanks for updating the fic ... and I never doubted that you would come back!

I wish my dreams were as vivid as Willow's ... hell I wish my life was as vivid as her dreams! lol

[KloeFrost]

i know you probably can't tell right now, but I'm hooting and hurray in my room at quarter to midnight. and i'm trying me best to write this and not giggle like crazy and wake everyone up.

YAY for the update

[wimpy0729]

OH WOW, HEATHER doesn't even begin to express my excitement that you updated. Amidst all the sad chaos that is going on in the world right now, we still get to escape into your world that is "Neverland". Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Well, I must say that when I saw the rating, I was like, what? Are they finally getting together? The first few lines had me totally, um, what's the right words, maybe enthralled? Yes. Excited and in need of a towel? Definitely. Totally frustrated and I think maybe even growling when I found it was only a dream. Um, yep, plus many other various sounds and curse words upon that realization. Then I was like, of course, it's only a dream, of course. This is Neverland, this is Heather with her beautiful torture of us kittens, that we love so much.

I know I've said this before, and I hope you don't get tired of me telling you that your writing is absolutely awesome. The description of the first scene, well, my words wouldn't even do it justice. It was just amazing. Then the incredible description of Tara's feelings about her work, everything she needed to get done, and trying to not let herself obssess about Willow and her feelings for Xander. I almost wish she would've finally really talked to Buffy, but I guess maybe all in good time.

Once again, Heather, you are incredible. I'm so glad you were able to find time to get back to this. I hope you know how happy you have made so many people.

Thanks again for sharing your gift with us.

Big Hugs,

Wimpy

[db]

*squeals in a decidedly girly fashion*

Thank you. Big Hug! Rubbing of hands in gleeful anticipation of a new chapter!!!! ...which I'm going to just have to run and read... feed back in a bit!

*cracks knuckles*

ok. feedback.

I just want to start with saying how happy I am to see an update, that this chapter was amazing... oh yeah, and thank you!

Well it started off making me feel real tingly... um, yeah (nice good vibrations inspired dream btw, hot and intimate and um, tingly). More importantly, I love how you have made Willow's dreams get gradually more intimate. As Willow gets to know Tara better it seems like they(her dreams) are becoming more realistic and that they are starting to let Willow in on the hints that the others -- Michelle, maybe Morgan.... and I am starting to think maybe Buffy too (but I'll get to that later) have been picking up on.

"You read my mind."

"I try," the blonde replied. "With varying degrees of success..." she added, deadpan.

Tara is manifesting herself in Willow's dreams! She is hinting at what is going on for Tara in RL. It seems like the more Willow gets to know Tara, the more she picks up on the way Tara really feels/things in her Dreams. To this I say a big fat YAY.

Oh! and the envelope hinting... oooh you big tease! What is in the envelope? Is it a letter to Tara? The CD? Dream-driven erotica? Tickets to the Filmore? Inquiring minds want to know

Tara.

I think I know where Tara heard the similar 'my Xander' before. But it wasn't Xander, it was Buffy she called her friend from college 'My Buffy". I think that's what Tara is thinking of.

I am really struck by how beautiful your descriptions of Tara's art is, it's just gorgeous! Plus, it is high time that Tare a realized that her paintings needn to be; absolutely should be inspired by Willow. Willow is occupying her mind, she's gotta run with it... and I think she would if the whole idea of laying her heart out on canvas weren't a wee bit scary. But she should know that she has to go with her inspiration. Still. I think she's scared -- the whole title thing makes me feel like the creataion of art is deeply deeply personal for Tara. I suspect the big fancy picture that Willow called 'just paint' was about Willow and that her current body of work will be in the same vein -- so Tara's got to be brave. I think she'll find a little more bravery when Willow show's hers... at least I hope so. BTW, I love the dscriptions of the colors and textures - really amazing and speaks to the artist in me. I can see the painting developing in my mind. Your words are quite literally art.

...and she's still fixated on Willow, so it's about her (yay)

It's funny how, despite her resoluition to stop obsessing over Tara she can't (That's why she's got to make a willow-inspired show )!


...ok, and the Buffy call, brilliant! I think that Buffy is getting it. Tara is petrified that she does, and I dunno, Buffy hassn't *really* let on, but I think she knows *something* is up. Tara is avoiding the whole Morgan thing and hanging out with Willow and Buffy is putting two and two together I think... another Yay in my book!


Plus Michelle.

I hope that somehow, someway their friends can intervene and help our girls out!

Wonderful, wonderful update!

I can't tell you how much this story update makes my day!

db

Edited because my mind got irritated with my lack of remembering and I went back to read and now I realize that she called her gay friend from college "my Tara" so I was totally off base. Please feel free to ignore me. I do it all the time

[Artemis]

Updatey! *does spaz dance* (Look away, it's not a pretty sight when I do it.)

Okay, now that's out of the way, where to begin... the dream, obviously. Damn but Willow has the best dreams. That was so, so... heightened, I wondered (until things like the snooze button, and the anomalous thud) whether you'd accidentally posted a future chapter - it just seemed so intense and physical and, they were breathing and their hearts were beating and Tara letting a little sexy grunt slip by The whole scene was really firing on all cylinders, I wasn't sure - until it became apparent - whether it was meant to be a dream, or if it was too real to not be real. That doesn't make much sense. I'll summarise: that was great.

Teasing about the letter again - with all the fantastic detail in this story I don't know how you manage not to forget stuff, but you never do. And the dialogue between Willow and Willow's-Tara was fascinating, the way Willow was on one level unaware that it was a dream, but on another it was as if she knew it wasn't real, and that she was both of them, and now and then it seemed like when they were talking, it was just to verbalise thoughts that their joined mind was thinking.

I was wondering, though, if that snooze button might have been an ill omen. It was very cute nonetheless how Willow's-Tara told her what she'd done

So, out to the real world, and Tara. I've already commented on the artistry that pervades her, but this chapter it really struck me how much she puts into her paintings, not just to do something that'll get her paid, or rewarded in any external way, but just because it's in her nature to pour herself onto the canvas. I mean, I look at a painting and I see a painting, and my brain generally needs advance warning and a run-up to really notice anything but the effect of seeing it - and even then, I can't be relied on to tell one style from another anyway. Heck, so far as art goes, my workspace here has a grand total of one miniature imitation Roman statue (your basic woman-in-robe-that's-not-staying-put - the old sculptors loved those revealing robes), and it's outnumbered 150-1 by action figures. Granted I'm not the sum total of humanity's ability to experience art, but... reading about Tara putting so much thought and, and passion - that's what it seemed like, this oddly calm, controlled, directed passion - into choosing just one colour, which will take hours to dry, and end up being covered by so many others, and really be more of a foundation for the final product than part of that final product itself... She puts so much into her art that, so much more than anyone but a few lucky people could even start to see - it's really about her creating, not her creating for someone else to see. It's the act of creation itself that's her passion.

Or maybe I've got it all wrong, and the reason she's putting so much in is so that anyone who looks at her painting will experience something, even if they don't know how or why or really what it is they're seeing on a deeper level. It's not like art is a subject I ever got to grips with, so I doubt I'd do any better at understanding artists. But I get the sense that, for Tara, it's about the act of creation itself.

Interesting conversation with Buffy (getting back to the actual story, rather than me rambling to no particular point about paintings), and I liked how it was almost two conversations in one, Tara talking to Buffy and Tara talking to herself at the same time, worrying about what Buffy would say next and anticipating it.

I wonder what she'll think when Hurricane Willow appears?

[GayNow]

OMG! And I have to wait until I get home from work tonight to read this! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

I'll be back!

[FoxInTheSnow]

i was actually just rereading this last night and thought to myself 'this will probably never be updated,' only to wake up this morning and see an update! YAY!

[gorn]

I actually have a little time to read this here at work today, but I'm going to wait until tonight. No, it's not a question of willpower - I know I'm going to enjoy it more tonight, after everyone's gone to bed and the phone isn't going to ring anymore. Turn off the lights, get a cup of tea, put on some Neverland-inspired music, maybe light a couple of extra-flamey candles.

I was briefly - very briefly - tempted to wait until tomorrow to read this so I could write all about it in the "It's Just Thursday, MKF!" thread ... but that's going a little too far. Even for me.

But I did think about it.


EasierSaid, thank you for coming back!

[-Always-]

I almost hyperventilated when I saw it was an acual update.
Amaizing as always!

love love love love love.
It makes me want to see Filmore even more.

-Bring Willow!

[spells42]

Wow, it's like Christmas in Pens at the moment - a bunch of updates to some really great fics, and the icing on the cake ... an update to Neverland! I feel like squeeling like a silly teenager, which was something I didn't even do when I was a teenager.

Seriously, sooo good to see an update to this excellent story. Even tho' it's been a while (NOT trying to needle) I didn't start by reviewing the previous update, as is my habit with longish gaps, as I was confident I'd remember your story. Funnily enough, about one line in, gasping with shock (this was so sudden) I thought I must have - incredibly - missed an update. So, back I wen to check, only to discover I hadn't. Hmmm. OK, what the frilly heck? Reading on...

Holy cow! I wish I had dreams like Willow's... or at least remembered mine. Can I just say what Chris said? (I wish I could express myself so well) I hope Willow can consciously recognise what her subconcious has so clearly realised, not just about her attraction to Tara, but about Tara's feelings for her.

Sigh, I'm happy now - I've spent some more time in Neverland.
Thanks
Anne
I'm probably showing my age, but in my head I'm dancing (looking somewhat like that bopping baby only with more clothes) to 'The Boys are Back in Town'. I guess this is known as spazzing out?