The
BIG HONKIN' ANGST WARNING is still in effect. Please stock up an provisions such as tissues accordingly. Anyone suggesting stocking up on chocolate, too, would not be accused of crazy talk.
Special Note: There is some mild violence between certain characters in this chapter that you might not like. Nothing too serious, I don't think, but some of you might be disturbed nonetheless. Please have faith, as I believe it is important to the story, now and down the road. It will not be a trend.
I added B/R to the "Couples" disclaimer cuz I've finally given up any pretext that I don't like Riley. I admit it. I do like him. Well, I like
my him, anyway. How self-serving is that?
But seriously, I'm also enjoying exploring Buffy a bit, so I've decided to give these two crazy kids a chance to have more than just a cardboard relationship. So the warning is for B/R smoochies - just kissing and some gushy lovey-dovey stuff, people, nothing to see here. All smut is still reserved for W/T.
Once again, just keep chanting the mantra I provided last update. 26. 26. 26.
Extra Special Note: I must give my most profound thanks to the ever-wonderful
Tulipp for her help with this part. If you like this update, she gets all the credit - if you don't like it, blame me. Either way, she saved this chapter, IMHO.
-BB
Title: The Truth of Deception - Part 24: Truth or Consequences
Author: blameburner
Feedback: Sure… Always a plus
Summary: AU, baby! So you all know by now... Tara is part of the Initiative. Plenty of questions remain, however, and the answers will be revealed... eventually.
Spoiler Warning: S4. Everything up to "Hush" is canon. After that, this story veers off. There will be some similarities to S4, but definite differences. Basically, if it happened after "Hush" on the show, assume it
didn't happen unless I mention it specifically.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but oh how I wish they were! Joss, blah, blah, ME, blah, blah.
Rating: Generally R, but some NC-17 (maybe). Just be prepared.
Pairings: W/T, of course. Also B/R.
Angst: Yeah, this part sucks. Plus there's Maggie. Ugh. Level 10. But I think this is the worst of it.
Previously...She loved Tara. Tara loved her.
It really was that simple.
She reached into her pocket and took out the napkin. The one that held the key to her future. She looked at the question one last time.
Am I worthy of Tara's love?
She didn't have a pen, but she would write in the answer just as soon as she found something to write with. In a different color than black. It definitely deserved a different color.
Was she worthy?
Yes.
She believed it because Tara believed it. And Tara would teach her how to believe it for herself.
So simple.
Now she just had to find Tara.
*************************
"Professor Walsh?" Buffy's voice sounded from the monitor over Walsh's shoulder.
Walsh heard it and couldn't believe... until she saw the look of shock on Riley's face. She turned back towards the monitor and faced her worst nightmare.
"That simple little recon you sent me on? Wasn't a raccoon," Buffy said, a controlled rage flowing off of her in waves, so thick Walsh felt like she was choking with it even with the monitor and several miles between them. "Turns out it was me trapped in the sewers with a faulty weapon and two of your pet demons."
Riley couldn't believe what he was hearing, and yet...
"If you think that's enough to kill me, you really don't know what a Slayer is," Buffy said, a frightening glint in her eyes. Then she leaned just a bit closer to the camera and said, "Trust me when I say you're gonna find out."
Buffy dropped the camera, and the monitor went to static.
*************************
"Agent Finn!" Walsh called out to Riley's back. "I order you to stop!"
But it was no use. Agent Finn had already left the building.
"Agent Finn!" Walsh yelled.
"Riley!!!" Walsh screamed. This is not happening... this can't be happening...
But it was happening.
Walsh had lost. Buffy was still alive. Riley had left.
Now all that was left was...
Tara.
Walsh only had one shot left. She would not fail. She couldn't.
A plan formed.
***********************
Was she fighting for Willow?
No.
Willow had walked away, and Tara had let her go. In no dictionary ever written could that be considered the definition of fighting for someone.
She had let Willow go.
And now, Tara realized, that had been her biggest mistake.
Yes, she had lied to Willow. Yes, she had betrayed Willow. Yes, she hated herself for the pain she had caused Willow.
But that didn't mean she had to let Willow go.
Because she loved Willow. And Willow loved her.
Or at least Willow had loved her.
And as long as there was love, there was hope.
Whether she deserved it or not, there was hope.
And if there was hope, anything was possible. Even forgiveness.
For the first time since the world had fallen down on her, Tara felt something besides pain and shame. She wanted nothing more than to go and find Willow, to fight for her, fight for their love, but...
There was The Initiative. And Walsh.
*************************
"Tara, Buffy lied to Riley," Walsh said. "She pretended that I set up an ambush to get her killed, and Riley believed her." Here pretty fly, come on in, see the nice web for you to rest in?
"What?" Tara said, her voice rising with her shock. What the fuck!?! What did you do, you bitch? Okay, think MaClay. Walsh must have... oh Goddess... she must have tried to kill Buffy. Jesus... "How? Why?"
"The how doesn't matter," Walsh said dismissively. "As for why... she was upset about you couldn't understand why I needed to keep an eye on her friend. She's gone completely over the edge, thinking we're invading her territory. She can't see the greater good. Plus she wants to control Riley, and she didn't like the fact that Riley had loyalty to anyone other than her. She was jealous. Now she's turned Riley, gotten him to leave us." Poor little fly, this web's for you, now that you're here, what will you do?
Tara wasn't stupid. She'd gotten damn good at reading between the lines. Walsh tried to kill Buffy. Riley found out. Riley left. And now Walsh wants to know where I stand.
"It's hard to believe-"
"Well it's true," Walsh snapped. "You think I'm lying?" The spider crawls down to its prey. Will you live another day?
And there it was. A simple question. A crucial answer.
Either answer meant the end for Tara.
A simple yes, and Tara would be out of The Initiative and away from Maggie Walsh. And she would never be able to find out what Walsh wanted with Willow. Walsh was capable of cold-blooded murder, Tara knew that now. And that meant Willow was in far greater danger than Tara had ever imagined.
But a simple no, and Tara would lose any chance she had to get Willow back. For if Tara stayed in The Initiative, it wouldn't be enough to just stay away from Willow because Willow was upset with her. Tara would have to convince Maggie Walsh that she was disgusted by Buffy's actions. She would have to prove her loyalty to Walsh in any way the professor asked. She would have to show Walsh that she despised the Slayer and the Scoobies. Despised Willow.
And so Tara gave the only answer she could give. Please, please... let it be enough. Goddess, Willow... forgive me.
Part 24
When Buffy arrived at her dorm room, she was greeted by the most welcome sight that could have greeted her eyes. Riley. Sitting on the floor. Waiting. Waiting for her.
He felt her as soon as she turned the corner, and let out the longest breath he had ever held. Buffy. Standing at the end of the hall. Alive. Safe.
He stood and she ran, and they fell into each others arms. They clung to each other - Buffy finally letting go of the armor of rage she'd put on back at that sewer, letting her fear flow freely in the shelter of Riley's embrace; Riley offering all that he couldn't while she had been in that sewer, reassuring himself that Buffy was real and here in his arms.
"Riley-" Buffy said, pulling back to look up at him.
"I know," he said, cupping her cheek. "I saw."
"You saw?" Buffy asked, her brain not quite processing that. "How-"
"I got to The Initiative and Walsh... she told me you were... dead," Riley said with shuddering breaths. Simply saying the words brought it all rushing back - the anguish he'd felt at the thought Buffy had died - and it was almost too much for him to bear. "But then you were on the monitor, alive. You were right. She did set you up. It was all over her face."
"Oh God," Buffy gasped, burying her face into Riley's chest.
"It's okay," Riley said, stroking her hair. "You're okay now."
"I was so scared. I didn't know it at the time, but later... after..." she said quietly. It wasn't easy for her to admit fear. She was the Slayer. She was supposed to be able to handle anything. Everything. Without fear. And she had, all her life. Brave, fearless Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Except that she was human, too. With human emotions. Human frailties. And someone - a human - had just tried to murder her. And for once, Buffy wasn't going to carry the burden of her fears alone.
"I know," Riley said. He kissed her then, needing to reconnect, needing to feel her there, with him, in the most fundamental way. They stood there in the hallway, taking strength and support from the kiss.
"I left The Initiative," Riley said after finally ending their kiss. "I'm out."
Buffy frowned. "I'm sorry."
Riley cocked an eyebrow at her. "You are? I would've thought-"
"That I would be jumping for joy?" she supplied. He nodded. "I'm a little too tired to jump at the moment. No hopping, either."
He laughed gently. So did she.
"I can't say I'm not glad you're gonna be away from that place. Away from Walsh," she said, the professor's name said with venom. "But I know that must have been hard for you. Must be hard. You lived, slept, and dreamt that place."
"Maybe once," he said. "But now I dream of you. I like these new dreams a lot better."
She smiled and kissed him lightly, then grew serious. "I don't know what's going on, Riley."
"I don't either," he said. "I don't know what in the hell Walsh was thinking."
"Can we have her arrested? Send her to jail?" Buffy asked hopefully.
"It'll be your word against hers," he said. "And she's military. It'd have to be handled by a military court."
"But you were there. You saw. You could testify-"
"Buffy," he interrupted. "At the moment, I'm UA. Unauthorized Absence. My word isn't likely to carry a whole lot of weight with the military right now."
"But you've only been gone for what, an hour?" Buffy asked incredulously. "You can't be in trouble yet."
"I'd bet anything that Walsh has made sure to cover her tracks by now - and that would include doing whatever it took to discredit me," Riley said, frowning slightly. Buffy understood why Riley was frowning, and she stroked his jaw. He smiled sadly. "It's okay. I don't think I was really cut out for the military anyway."
Buffy knew better, but decided to let it go. There'd be time to fix Riley's military career later.
"So now what?" Buffy asked.
Riley thought about that. He needed to talk to Tara, to fill her in, to tell her she'd been right to worry about Willow. Tara definitely needed to tell Buffy and Willow the whole story about her suspicions about Walsh wanting something with Willow. And now that Riley was out... the only one left who could investigate Walsh was Tara. He didn't like that idea one bit. Walsh was capable of anything now, and if she caught Tara snooping around...
"Riley?" Buffy asked, breaking him out of his thoughts.
There was just so much to think about. So much to do. Yes, he needed to talk to Tara.
"Hey guys."
Two sets of eyes turned towards the voice they had just heard. Willow's voice.
"Wil," Buffy said as Willow walked up to them, pulling her best friend into a bear hug.
"Um... hi," Willow squeaked as the Slayer hugged her tighter.
"I'm so glad to see you," Buffy said.
"O-kay," Willow said uncertainly. "But... air... need air."
"Oh, sorry!" Buffy yelped, letting go and immediately reaching for Riley's hand. She grabbed Willow's hand, too, unwilling to lose the contact completely.
"That's okay," Willow said, looking back and forth between Buffy and Riley and trying to figure out what in the world was going on. This whole hugging-and-being-relieved-to-see-her thing was a little too familiar for Willow's liking. "Please tell me that skanky-vamp-me hasn't decided to make a return visit, cuz I don't think I can deal with any neck licking at the moment."
"What? Oh, no, that's... no, no vamp-you," Buffy said with a laugh, suddenly realizing what Willow was talking about.
"Well that's a relief," Willow said, looking down at the hand that was grasped tightly in Buffy's. "So what's up?"
"Let's take a walk," Buffy said, leading them both out into the late afternoon air. They could have talked in their room, but Buffy felt like she needed to get outside and into the open air. The feeling of being trapped was still too fresh in her mind for her to be anywhere with walls.
When they got outside, Buffy proceeded to tell Willow everything that had happened, starting with when Buffy had first gone to confront Walsh about Tara's deception. When they got to the part about Walsh trying to kill Buffy, Riley filled in the details about what he had seen and heard while with Walsh. To say Willow was angry was an understatement.
"That bitch!" Willow finally shouted when she had calmed down enough to finally remember that there were other words in the English language besides cuss words. She paced back and forth in front of Riley and Buffy, her fists opening and closing over and over.
"Has Willow been hanging around drunken sailors recently?" Riley whispered to Buffy, equal parts disturbed and impressed by the explosion of nasty language that had so recently flowed from Willow's mouth.
"I have no idea," Buffy said in utter amazement. She had never - ever - heard Willow talk like that. She hadn't even known Willow knew some of those words. And there had been a couple thrown in there that Buffy was going to have to check into later. She figured Anya might be the best person to ask.
Willow's eyes had darkened, looking almost black in the late afternoon sun. Her hair glinted like fire, the naturally copper tresses taking on an almost unholy hue. The low-slung sun cast elongated shadows that fell off Willow's body like a dark twin. It was almost as if the silhouette on the sidewalk was Willow's dark twin, the embodiment of a rage Willow's soul was too pure to hold.
The pacing helped some, letting Willow burn off at least a little of her anger towards Walsh. But it wasn't just anger she felt. It was fear, as well. Buffy had died once already, even if it had only been for a matter of minutes, and Willow wasn't going to let that happen again. If Willow had her say, Buffy was going to be a trendsetter and live to a ripe old age, living in a big house with cats and gray hair, right next door to Willow and...
Suddenly Willow stopped pacing and grabbed Buffy by the shoulders. "Tara!"
"Um... no. Buffy," Buffy corrected.
"We have to tell Tara," Willow said, shaking Buffy's shoulders just a bit. "She has to know what Walsh is capable of. She could be in danger!"
"Wil, I don't think-"
"Tara has a right to know, Buffy," Willow said, pleading with Buffy to understand. "Walsh tried to kill you, and we don't really even know why. What if Tara upsets Walsh in some way? What if... Buffy, I love her. I need her to be safe."
"You love her?" Buffy asked, looking Willow in the eye. She wasn't really wasn't really asking whether Willow loved Tara - Buffy already knew that Willow did. What she was really asking was whether Willow had decided to try and make things work.
"Yes," Willow said simply. "I was actually just coming back to our room to check messages, then I was going to go find her... to tell her."
"What about... the lies?" Buffy asked hesitantly.
"It doesn't matter," Willow said, tears forming in her eyes even as she smiled. "I... I've been walking around all day, trying to figure all this out... I was so upset and I was ready to throw everything away... well, not really throw it away cuz I thought I'd already lost it, and you can't throw something away that you've lost... but then you with the soul-running-love and the second chance and Anya with the more-logical-than-me logic and the mini-skirt truth and stupid ex-demon insight... and I just... you know?"
"Uh..." was all Buffy could say, wondering if maybe she had squeezed Willow too hard before. She looked to Riley for help, but he just shrugged, as lost as she was.
Willow laughed, hope and joy filling her heart in spite of the anger and concern she felt over what Walsh had tried to do, and the danger Tara could be in.
"It's not important," Willow said, her smile radiant. "I love her, Buffy. And that's more important than anything else. She's my world."
Buffy studied Willow for a moment, and then nodded, the redhead's hope infectious. She felt Riley squeeze her hand, and she knew he felt it, too. Maybe some good could come out of this after all. "Okay, then. Let's go find your girl and fill her in. Then you two can have a talk."
************************
The three of them made their way over to Tara's dorm room, having decided to start their search there. Willow knocked, but there was no answer. She thought she heard movement, so she knocked again and called Tara's name through the closed door. They were just about to leave when the door finally opened.
"Tara," Willow said with relief, the very sight of her love filling her with happiness. Everything's going to be okay. Once she's back in my arms.
Tara did not respond, at least not with her voice. She hadn't expected to see Willow so soon, to have to... not so soon. Oh, Goddess... give me strength.
Willow's happiness faded when she noted the tight look on Tara's face. "What's wrong?" Willow asked, her voice full of concern.
Tara gave a mirthless laugh, her eyes hard. Focus on the fear. The anger. You hate her. I could never hate her. They narrowed slightly when they noticed Buffy and Riley standing behind Willow.
"What do you want, Willow?" she asked a harshly. I'm sorry.
Willow was... surprised... to say the least. She had never seen this kind of edge to Tara before, and certainly never directed at her. A wave of guilt washed over her as she realized just how badly she must have hurt Tara to make her react this way. Willow now realized how deeply her last words to Tara - and the tone she had used - must have cut the blonde's tender heart. They both had a lot of wounds to mend. But there would be time for that. Forever.
"Can we come in?" Willow asked gently, the fact that Tara wouldn't look her in the eye slicing through her.
Tara opened the door a little wider and stepped back from it, remaining silent.
Willow walked in first, moving towards the foot of Tara's bed and turning her eyes back immediately to Tara. She fidgeted nervously, wringing her hands together as Riley and Buffy filed in, choosing to stand over near the window.
Buffy watched as Tara shut the door without a word, and then turned toward the three of them, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes focusing on the Slayer. Buffy took a slight step back, reacting to the hostility she felt rolling off the blonde in waves. Something wasn't right. She threw a worried glance at Riley, who was watching Tara with his brow furrowed. Obviously Riley agreed - something definitely wasn't right.
Willow wanting nothing more than to pull Tara into her arms and chase all the blonde's pain away, to confess her love and forgiveness and to beg her love for the same in return. But Riley and Buffy didn't need to be there for that, so Willow focused on the immediate reason for their visit. They all would relay the danger to Tara, and then Willow would kick Buffy and Riley out and show Tara how much she loved her. In Willow's mind, it was the perfect plan.
"Tara, something happened at The Initiative today," Willow began, her nervousness revving her mouth up into what promised to be an extended babble. "Something bad. Professor Walsh sent Buffy out on an assignment, except-"
"I already know," Tara said curtly, cutting Willow off. Her face was like stone as she saw Willow flinch out of the corner of her eye. I can't do this to her. I just... be strong. Be strong. Focus on Buffy.
Riley's brow furrowed further. He glanced over at Buffy, who cocked her head as she stared back at Tara, who's eyes seemed glued to the Slayer. Buffy's confusion was palpable, but Tara just kept staring, her eyes burning right through the Slayer's. Willow finally caught on that Tara wasn't even looking at her, and she turned to look at her best friend. She turned her head back around to Tara, her mouth falling open slightly as Tara actively tried to stare down the Slayer.
A thousand questions ran through Willow's mind all at once, but she settled on...
"Tara? What's going on?" Willow asked, taking a step towards her love.
Tara ripped her eyes off the Slayer and looked at Willow accusingly. Pain. Anger. Focus. "Why are you here, Willow? You made it pretty clear that you don't want anything to do with me anymore."
"No, that's not true," Willow pleaded, her hands coming up in a defensive gesture. "I was upset, and I just needed a little time to sort things out. And I realized-"
"Well that's convenient," Tara said bitterly, setting her jaw defiantly. Oh, my sweet Willow.
Tears involuntarily sprang into Willow's eyes. She was at a total loss. "Tara, I don't understand. What's convenient? What's happening?" she begged, her chin quivering slightly.
"I know what happened, Willow," Tara said, though she had turned her glare back towards Buffy. I can't look at her, can't breath, can't... "I know all about how Buffy turned Riley against Maggie, how she faked Maggie trying to kill her."
Riley's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't have been more shocked if the world suddenly starting spinning in the opposite direction. He looked at Buffy, whose face had gone totally blank. The Slayer just stood there returning Tara's stare, except where Tara's was irate, Buffy's was completely neutral. Too neutral.
Willow was horrified. "You can't really believe that?" she asked incredulously. What in the hell is happening?
"I can, and I do," Tara said firmly, still focused on Buffy. "I'm seeing things clearly now, maybe for the first time. I see what you people are capable of." I'm sorry, my love. Tara narrowed her eyes as she whipped her head toward Willow. "And now I think that you've been playing me for a fool all along."
"Tara," Willow said, her voice hoarse, shaking her head, the tears that had been gathering now spilling over the edge and down her cheeks. This can't be happening. She reached her hand out towards Tara's, only to have it shoved away.
"You're so damn devoted to her," Tara said angrily. Jealousy. Spite. Cruelty. Focus. "Buffy this and Buffy that. You want to please her so badly that you'll do anything for her... even use me for my magic."
"You can't really mean that," Willow said, recoiling as if she'd just been slapped.
"Can't I?" Tara laughed dangerously. Damn Maggie Walsh to hell. And damn me, too. "All I know is that everything's about Buffy - Buffy and her superiority complex, her need to control everything... and your willingness to let her. You think I betrayed you? Well now I think that I was the one who was really betrayed. So just take your precious Buffy and leave me the hell alone!"
Willow took a step back, then another, shaking her head as her tears flowed freely. She couldn't hear anymore, couldn't be in the same room anymore. Her legs felt like lead, her vision grew blurry, and she wondered fleetingly if this was what it felt like to die. There were no words, no thoughts. Only pain. Only agony.
She spun and stumbled towards the door, brushing past Riley almost blindly as she escaped the room. He followed her out the door with his eyes, knowing someone needed to go after her, but unable to make his feet move just yet. He turned back toward Tara, who met his eyes with her cold, lifeless ones. His eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched, and his head shook from side to side almost imperceptibly. He had never been so disgusted in his life. He had no words. He just turned his back on Tara and went after Willow.
Tara watched Riley follow Willow out the door, unable to look anywhere else. Smashed. Wrecked. Gone. Forgive me, baby. She wanted to crumple to the floor under the weight of her grief, but she couldn't. Not yet. Can't let anyone see. Not yet.
She expected Buffy to chase after Willow, but she was wrong. She didn't even see the Slayer move before she felt hands like steel gripping her shoulders and herself being slammed into the wall behind her. Her head cracked against the plaster, splitting the wall with the force.
There was nothing but rage in the Slayer's eyes. Pure, unadulterated rage. Like a panther she had sprung from her unreadable daze, though Tara realized now that she should have seen it coming. Not that it mattered. Buffy's grip was like an unrelenting vice, and pain shot through both of Tara's shoulders. But Tara held fast, showing no sign of pain or fear. Not that that mattered, either.
"If you ever... ever... come near Willow again, I will kill you," Buffy growled dangerously, so close to Tara's face the blonde witch could feel the words as the Slayer spat them out. "Make no mistake. Buffy the Vampire Slayer doesn't kill humans, but that rule doesn't apply where Buffy Summers' best friend is concerned. Are we clear?"
Tara didn't respond. She just met Buffy's fierce gaze. She had no doubt that the Slayer meant her words, and a part of her wished Buffy would just end it right then and there. Her spirit was dead already. What did it matter if her body died, too?
Buffy shoved off of Tara, slamming her a little deeper into the wall. She spun towards the door and stormed out without a second look, slamming the door behind her, and she went to find her best friend.
*************************
From her control room, Walsh smiled. She watched with interest as Buffy stalked out the door, curious to see what Tara's reaction would be now that she was alone. The events Walsh had just seen and heard had been pretty... severe... with all Willow's blubbering and the Slayer's pathetic threats. Would Tara cry? Would she get angry? Punch her fist through a wall? Would she regret her words? Would she decide she had spoken to harshly? Would she start questioning the story Walsh had told her in the face of Willow's obvious confusion at her words?
Walsh watched Tara go to her closet and grab her gym bag, stuffing a pair of sweatpants, sneakers, socks, tank top, and sports bra into the bag. She noted the anger in Tara's movements, the way every article was jammed into the bag, the coiled rage lurking just below the surface. Tara was ready to explode, Walsh could see it. And that pleased her.
Tara was cut off now. Totally, absolutely alone... save for Maggie Walsh and The Initiative. She had no friends, no family... no complicated loyalties. It was just her and Tara. As it should be.
Tara zipped up the bag roughly and staked out the door, grabbing her keys of the desk as she went. Walsh flipped off the monitor and sat back in the chair, putting her feet up on the control console. A broad grin broke across her face. She laced her fingers behind her head and leaned back further, basking in the moment.
"Good," she said aloud, though the room was empty. "Now she's mine. Completely."
*************************
TBC with Part 25: Resolve
"Maybe I'll change my look, or cut class. You don't know! And I'm eating this banana, lunch-time be damned!" - Willow, Dopplegangland
by Puff » Thu Nov 21, 2002 9:34 pm 
, but does Walsh trust her?
, I doubt that... more like it being much harder to lie when looking your (former) loved one straight in her eyes. 
. Many people seem to think Walsh is scary, I don't. I hate her a lot but I don't think she's all that scary, nothing a 9mm won't fix real quick.