New Fic - Neverland

[VixenyTarasHot]

I'm gonna punch life in the face yo..



Ok... updatey goodness.. a while ago, I know..



This was a ahem... VERY nice update, and I knew it was a dream go me mwahaha. Oh man so hot.. I gotta stop recapping so I can write.. haha



Its cool that it was so sweet and sensual and not just like WAPOW Sex! And the aftersex snuggles and sweet talking.. just perfect. Now.. Put this exact scenario in the real lives of the girls, eh? Well I personally think it's a good idea..



I am trying to patiently await the next chapter.. kinda failing... More pleeeaassee??

Ok if you can resist those emoticon things, you're somethin else.. haha



Okies, I'll be checkin in!

Ashleigh

"...A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now."

(Starts to smile)"Right now?"

[Irishgrl3]

I love your notes prior to this chapter, it cracked me up;

Quote:

---

"Bow-chick-a-wow-wow...."

---

I have to agree with everyone else about the dream, it was hot!



I thought it was interesting that in Willow's dream they were in pitch black darkness, you referred to that a couple of times. Trying to mull over what that might mean. I also thought it was great that Willow seemed to be needing more in her dream than just hot lovin' but the intimacy of being held and talking afterward. The whole dream was wonderfully written and well... hot.



And yay, you are writing another dinner date! Can I talk you into many more dinner dates and much more W&T alone time? I'll pay cash, hee-hee

-Anna

Edited by: Irishgrl3 at: 10/18/04 9:44 am

[My Always]

Please update soon! They may be taking baby steps but there steps and that's better than nothing!



-LR

[frau rosenclay]

Hello,



I wanted to let you know that I am still enjoying this, and looking forward to seeing where it is going. Good job on the last 5 updates or so. I have missed out on giving feedback for a long while.



I was struck by the darkness in the dream sequence. I am left wondering if it means something. Everything seems very well crafted, and like a well written play, nothing is there for no reason.



The angst is hardcore, and I am a fan of angst. I do believe that it keeps a story going, otherwise it would be fluff, and while there is nothing wrong with fluff, I do prefer intricate storylines. The angst factor is high in this story.



Self-confidence seems to be an issue too. I am very excited to read what you have in store, and am looking forward to the progress of their relationship.



Again, very well written erotica. Makes me wonder about Taras dreams though. I am dreading her asking Willow to move out. Anyway, all this just goes to show that your story has me emotionally caught up in it. Good job.

Edited by: frau rosenclay at: 10/18/04 6:13 pm

[Stormforce]

I've been reading this fic for a while, and finally decided to leave some feedback.



I love how you've written this fic, the girls have their highs and lows. I like the angst, it's very, very, well written, the dinner was great, me thinks some progress is being made. Going back a few chapters, I have to say I love Anya! She's so damn great at speaking what's on her mind.



Anyway, love the fic, can't wait to read what happens next.

To be forgotten is worse than death.

[EasierSaid]

JustSkipIt Haha, aww, baby interruption. *happy sigh* Yeah, no secret that this was a dream from the get go, and I thought a lot of folks would be very 'wtf!? noooo', but it had a purpose, darnit haha! Glad you liked Willow's decision to stick with the dream. I think that was a big choice for her to make, to see what's on the other side of wherever she usually gets cut off, and it paid off too. She got to have the snuggles, and the intimate chat, both of which really drove home what exactly it was she wants from Tara. That base level of intimacy that she's never had before. The dinner, yes, Tara is very conflicted about the invitation, however, she's also very curious. She's starting to put some stuff together... on the one hand she's like, 'oh god, this is going to hurt' and on the other she's *finally* asking, 'why is Willow doing all of this nice stuff'. So, there are a few things going on in her mind. And you're right, Willow has *no* idea that she's hurting Tara; it really is the furthest thing from her mind. I think re: "if she doesn't like me, then what's the use anyway?" Willow's in the "well if she doesn't like me, maybe it's because she just doesn't know me" mindset, so she'd probably just push harder. Being quite the hopeless optimist. Mmmm Thai food, a favorite for me as well (hence the them eating Thai). And thank you (!!) for bringing up Willow's lack of nervousness about the luuuurve! :) I'm glad someone noticed... She definitely is very gung-ho, Tara's-going-to-be-great without thinking much about herself... I think that'll definitely change as the reality of being intimate with another woman, especially Tara, starts to creep in. Right now, it's fantastical. Willow's hot stuff in the dream world, she's probably read all she can read, seen Bound a couple hundred times... she's so excited about being with Tara that the reality that she doesn't know what she's doing (more or less) hasn't set in. Look for that to change, for sure, as they get closer. Thanks so much for the great feedback as always!!



Marilda Hehe 'denouement' - man that word just does not get used enough. Sorry for the delay with the update, darn those extra innings baseball games! And I'm your dealer? That just makes me think of that Curtis Mayfield song "Pusherman"--good stuff! Thanks!



ladydameon The smut and the breakfast wasn't yummy? D'oh! Well hopefully the next update will be better. And short? Haha, there are only so many synonyms for 'writhed'. And yes, Tara and Willow will still be having the 'move out' talk (probably fitfully, over several different conversations). Gotta do it! Thanks!



Spikeizmine87 Thanks! :)



UnveilTheSoulbound Tara would probably put on all of her turtlenecks and tackle Willow if she knew that was all Willow wanted! Glad you liked, and thanks for reading. :)



tarawhipped Thanks! I have to tell you, those dreams are hard to write, I have to leave so much stuff out. Hopefully the real deal will be even better (although you know, little performance anxiety where that is concerned...). Willow definitely needed to... ummm... finish... :) because amazingly, the climax wasn't even the big finish she was building toward... it was those snuggles. Haha and yes, pseudo-date for the girls! Thanks Cameron, as always



WickedReds Smut for the smutbunny. The dinner is going to be interesting... they have so much to work through, and so many potential land mines to step on... at least Tara's cluing in a *little* bit. Thanks!



Willow18 Oh cool, I love illustration. Hard stuff, definitely an underappreciated medium. Good luck in school, that's very neat. And yes! Willow unknowingly asking Tara out on a sorta-date! Thanks so much.



wimpy0729 Haha a little birdy told me? And thanks, the actual luuuurve part is intimidating to write (so many writers do great jobs with it on this board), I was just happy to get to the snuggling! Hope you enjoy their date.



watersong84 *hands over a tissue* It's a good thing Willow's having these dreams, or else this story would keep going and going and going... they reveal a lot to her, and I think her saying 'yeah, I want the connection with Tara most' is a big thing for her at this point, as she's working to forge that connection. Perhaps she's not as nervous about the 'does she like me' and concentrates more on getting closer... I don't know, but hopefully it helps her moving forward. Thanks!



AmbeRocks Test on Saturday? That's horrible haha. Glad you enjoyed the update, even if it kept you from studying! And yes, Tara is getting suspicious about Willow's actions, but she hasn't put it together... yet. And once again, darn those baseball games! It's just impossible to bite your nails and type at the same time... Thanks again Jen!



TromDeGrey Well aw shucks. :) That question had to sit alone, because that was it, the first really honest moment between them. I couldn't think of any way to put it with anything else, just seemed like a turning point type of thing. The Bad Plus rule! You know, that red streak painting... when I first wrote it, when she created it, that was total add-on last minute, way-to-end-that-part, but I think it's going to be useful. A little metaphor for Willow, I guess. Haha it *wasn't* filler? ;) Don't ask me why Willow is so plugged in to her dreams, I'm just glad she is, because she's able to face and admit some things as a result. Some things that I'm not sure I could get out in the open on a conscious level without writing this thing into the next decade! And yes, Willow is SO ready to come out, as this whole week with Tara will show. Thanks again my friend!



YMKA Haha yeah, no hiding this dream! Had to have the snuggles, because Willow does want more from Tara. I'm hoping that that knowledge will help her as she tries to figure out how to get closer to Tara during their time together this week. And yes, yes, yes, the moving out issue is still out there. A little looming shadow, but I promise to use it responsibly haha. The park; yes, stuff definitely went wrong after the park, that kind of involuntarily hurt that we can accidently inflict on each other. Will definitely get into that as this starts to unfold (in fact, I'm pretty sure there's some allusion to it in this update...). Sorry, baseball pre-empted my writing. *oof* But thanks so much, hope you enjoy this update.



WillowPowered Haha your brain? I had to write it! ;) Mmmm... I mean, er... thanks!



Hidden In You1023 Haha thanks, update below.



starcat73 Thanks! Definitely Willow's subconscious talking, now she just has to put it in action. Willow did unknowingly ask Tara on a pseudo-date, which is funny and sad at the same time. As for the bag, sorry, just left it to go get the breakfast, although that was a good thought! (I should have done that, had Tara visit Willow at her office). Thanks again!



Confusedgal03 Haha a chorus line of thuds. It's kinda creepy how some are in time, while a couple are really off. Recipe below:



Tagliatelle with Spinach and Garlic Cheese (chicken optional) - serves 4

1/2 lbs. cooked chicken (optional)

8 ounces tagliatelle, preferably mixed colors

8 ounces fresh leaf spinach

2 tablespoons light soy sauce

3 ounces garlic-and-herb cream cheese

3 tablespoons milk

salt and ground black pepper

1) Cook the tagliatelle in plenty of boiling salted water according to the instructions on the package. Drain and return to the pan.

2) Blanch the spinach in a tiny amount of water until just wilted, and then drain it, squeezing dry with the back of a wooden spoon. Chop coarsely with scissors or knife.

3) Return the spinach to its pan and stir in the soy sauce, garlic-and-herb cheese and milk. Bring slowly to a boil, stirring until smooth. Season to taste.

4) When the sauce is ready, pour it over the pasta. Toss the pasta and sauce together and serve hot.

Mmmmmwah!



Wired vixen Haha another dinner, hips will be there (two sets, in fact). Thanks (and thanks for the sheep, hehe)!



angel of salvation Thanks!



WillowRTaraM2 Another chorus line, and again they're oddly out of sync haha. So glad you're enjoying the misconceptions and angst in and amongst the flirting (or is it the other way around...). So glad you liked that line, seemed Willowy! Thanks so much Jackie.



snuggle79 Yeah, I imagine that line was true of canon-S4 Willow too; all she wanted I'm sure a lot of the time before they started up with the kisses was a hug, to feel that connection that she was lacking with others. I'm trying to bring that element into this world, because I always liked that she sought that reassurance from Tara. Thanks so much!



Kajun Haha I *knew* one of ya'll were going to turn that line on me. :P We're going to have accidental touches galore coming up, although not so much with the smoochies. Tara is in no way considering Willow bi-sexual, because in her mind Willow is what she says she is, and in the past she's said she's straight. Until Willow tells her differently... that's the way it is! But of course, that doesn't mean Tara isn't confused and suspicious, even if her conclusions are off. ;) Glad you enjoyed however, and yes, "wanted Tara hugs" indeed!



prometeo232 Sex and angst haha, what a life! Thousand Nights and a Night, huh... just missing some Arabian Nights! :) I don't think we have to worry too much about Buffy meddling immediately after Willow comes out, Buffy'll have enough to worry about. And Willow does have a *huge* advantage over Tara, one she doesn't even realize she has. Both are pretty blind about how acutely they can hurt each other, because they just don't know what the other thinks of them, accurately. Still no worries on your language, and I think the phone conversation between Buffy and Tara was just a "hi, how are you, are you having a good time in NYC" conversation, just a way for Tara to connect with Buffy because she's worried about her. Thanks!



Tiggrscorpio Oooo I've heard that hotel strike is ungood. Hope it's over soon, for your sake! Very glad you liked the job-revelation part, and yes, more Golden Gate Park clueage. At some point I'm probably not going to even have to write it because I'll have covered it all in little hints haha. Thanks very much re: the love scene, they are very hard to write, especially when you're purposefully leaving things that you'd normally write in, out! I'm anxiously awaiting your next day off too, just because 18 days is too many days to work consecutively! :) Thanks!



Tempest Duer Me too my friend, me too....



jessan15 Aw, but if they confess stuff it'll be ovah (as some in Boston might say). No, no, I think we'll carry on. ;) Sorry it's driving you nuts though... hopefully some of the getting-to-know-you stuff will make up for the prolongness.



veiled isis moon Thanks! Had to throw in the alarm clock; I always hit snooze... and then worry as I slip back into sleep if I did indeed hit snooze (cause, have on occasion accidently turned the darn thing off instead!). Haha and yes, the computer-weather-check; seemed like a Willow thing to do (although looking out the window in SF doesn't always work, what with the fog). Thanks so much.



badkitty Haha no pressure indeed (curls up in the fetal position in the corner). Okay, fine now. ;) Thanks re: breakfast; Willow had to do something to make up for not helping out more the night before. Hope you enjoy the dinner update (which is... not this one, but the next). Thanks!



Nicole023 Thanks! Hope you like the next one (sadly, no dream smoochies...) ;)



Rocktoddy That does suck! I can't tell you how many times I've been followed around by a dream all day. Grrr... Definitely all about the affection, which is an excellent thing for Willow to realize as they begin this prolonged period of one-on-one time. The park! I'm going to have to write that soon I think, hmmm... Thanks!



Brandnew Hehe I like that that smiley has to turn his whole head to wave. Thanks very much, glad you're enjoying!



LucyisXena Muhahahaha! I mean, er, thanks! :)



Artemis Ooo more lengthy feedback and new, hilarious Spanish lesbian smiley! Thanks re: the hotness, I definitely did try! And the snuggles; that was fun to write. I really enjoyed writing relaxed, unguarded and naked (in more ways than one) W/T. Little preview of how it could be. On to the analytical... you could be right, the finishing could be getting her hopes up, or realizing that the sex is the flashy part that's in the way right now, so... she's so flustered by Tara physically that she's letting it get in the way of establishing the emotional connection. I'm sure that dream was caused by The Secret getting cleared up and the touch on the hips in the kitchen; mixed bag. ;) Exactly with the lines you picked out; very relevant. "More": the idea of there being more with Tara and Willow not asking for it, going for it, thinking that the more might be possible. Definitely a theme coming up I think, this idea of more. As for Tara, I think she's equal parts wary and curious. She "knows better" than to get hopeful, but she's definitely curious about why Willow is being so kind. She'll start to try and piece it together in this update. Haha a bajillion... hmmm... I have no idea how many zeros. Just seemed like a best guess considering I have no idea how long it's going to take to wrap this sucker up (and every time I sit down to write I get something different than what I thought I was going to get). Exactly re: Buffy. Poor girl, it's going to be rough. Thanks Chris, as always!!



behindhereyes Awww *kicks the dirt* shucks, I just... *blush* Thanks, so much. So very very kind. It's all about the heart, I feel this story in mine, so I'm glad it's showing. Thanks so much, really truly.



shadowygirl Haha turn down coffee? That's insanity! I'm guaranteeing you'll down many a coffee before these girls figure things out, it's just unfolding that way for some reason. Hopefully you'll enjoy the build up! Thanks!



Arron CFF Haha turning down Icacaps is a sign of the apocalypse? Who knew! Many more dinner-like conversations coming up, which of course, means a good while until the 'I'm gay' bit. *sigh* Sorry and thanks!



alysagoddess85 Willow definitely wants more that JUST SEX! :) Tara is starting to clue in; I'm sure the almost-date will be interesting (and probably angsty) for her. They're moving toward each other... slowly. Thanks!



VixenyTarasHot Uh oh life, look out yo. So glad you liked the dream, and the aftersex snuggles. I'm powerless against the emoticons! So update below. :) Thanks!



Irishgrl3 Haha, that porno bassline in the notes field seemed to fit, considering the subject matter; glad you liked! Yeah, pitch black; Willow didn't see Tara once. Here she was sharing this incredible connection, physically and emotionally, but it was incomplete, in a way. Thanks re: the hot, again, I sure tried haha. Many more dinners (that'll be $50 per, btw). ;) Thanks!!



My Always Baby steps are indeed better than nothing. Thanks, and update below.



frau rosenclay Thanks very much. as I told Irishgrl3, I think the darkness might indicate a missed connection (and not the Craigslist kind). Something is definitely missing, despite the wonderful physical and emotional connection they shared. The angst is hardcore, but hopefully the falling-in-love-happys will be hardcore too! Self-confidence is of course a big deal any time you write these two; they both have issues... getting into the issues is going to be fun. Tara's dreams, I'm thinking are Willow's dreams on 11 haha. I imagine them being all sorts of good. I too am dreading Tara asking Willow to move out, but she thinks she has to do it so.... Thanks so much, glad you're still enjoying!



Stormforce Thanks very much! I too love Anya, and eagerly await her return! The girls is bananas... progress was made at dinner, which means of course there are some small steps to take back coming up... good thing you like the angst! Thanks again!



Okay, on to the 'eh' update!

[EasierSaid]

Title: Neverland
Author: EasierSaid a.k.a. Heather
Feedback: Bites lip and whispers "yes, please."
Spoilers: None.
Setting: AU. There is no Hellmouth, there is no slayer and no magic of the wicca variety. Just our girls and the rest of the Buffy characters living and loving in that great city by the bay, San Francisco.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me Mutant Enemy.
Notes: Oof this was hard; some Morgan and a lot of thinking (yet alas, no dinner). Good times!

Thoughts in italics

PART 24

She really should pay attention.

After all, there was a reason why Marissa had called her in, had crammed all of the series' artists into the too-small gallery office for one last L.A.-show meeting. There were schedules to go over, shipping arrangements to make... and Tara wasn't listening to a word of it. Oh, she had tried. She had taken her place in the very back corner of the room next to the hot water press and coffee maker with every intention of becoming fully engrossed in each and every one of Marissa's words. She even brought a pad of paper and pen, ostensibly to take notes for what was sure to be a pivotal meeting. And then she had started to think about Willow.

The breakfast this morning, the revelation yesterday that evasive Willow was evasive to protect her feelings... I still can't believe it... Tara thought, remembering the wide-eyed, frightened look on the redhead's face when she explained her work. Willow developed bone scan software, software used to help better detect cancer, and she had been afraid that the mere mention of the work would cause the blonde pain. That it would remind the blonde of her mother in a way that hurt. Tara thought of her mother everyday, and apparently, so did Willow. How many times have I asked 'how was work'... and how many times did she just shrug and change the subject... Tara shook her head. Each shrug had been a conscious decision on the redhead's part to spare her pain. Unbelievable.

Tara looked up as she heard Marissa mention her sales tally. Twelve paintings sold, four installation spots in L.A.; Tara would need two new paintings for L.A. minimum. Tara nodded, and went back to her thoughts as Marissa moved on to the next artist. Willow, was worried, about her.

The only time she had spoken with Willow about her mother had been that day in the park. She definitely hadn't brought it up since, so whatever Willow thought of her, of how her mother's diagnosis and subsequent death affected her was almost certainly culled from that day. It had to be... Tara thought, unable to accept that the redhead would just assume from Buffy's almost definite third-party recital of her family history that hearing about bone scan software would be overwhelmingly upsetting for the blonde. That level of concern... it had to come from that conversation, from that day... The thought that Willow was protecting, in essence, her heart, for three years because of a simple conversation on a park bench simply bowled the blonde over. That that conversation had meant something to the redhead, that that *day* had meant something... And to think, Tara had been so hesitant about the dinner.

The blonde had intentionally prepared most of their dinner in advance of Willow's arrival home from work, just in case the 'other Willow' showed and wanted to forget their conversation on the stairs, wanted to simply eat quickly and rush up to her room. Tara had thought it seemed like a good plan when she was boiling the chicken... the sauce would only take a few minutes to prepare, so if Willow was in any way uncomfortable, regretting her words on the stairs, it would be over quickly. Of course, it hadn't worked out like that. There had been awkward moments, but for the most part things had gone well, their conversation on the stairs permeating each interaction, each shared giggle, each bit of comfortable silence. Last night was about becoming friends, good friends, even, and it had felt good, right, to just be together. But then, there was something else too... Tara thought, her brow furrowing a bit. At least, it seemed to the blonde that there might be something... more, going on.

Remembering the kind of bagel she preferred, that she liked spinach, buying her the bracelet... It was like Willow... liked me. Tara thought cautiously, perplexed. Like, *liked me*, liked me The blonde sucked in a deep breath as the possibility sent her mind into a spin. But that's impossible, Tara reasoned, because Willow is straight and she loves Xander. Right? Tara shook her head as the reality of the ridiculous words sunk in. I mean, right. Right. Willow loves Xander. Tara exhaled a shaky breath she didn't know she was holding as she attempted to regain her equilibrium. No, a far more likely explanation for Willow's sudden attention was the simple reappearance of Tiny Jewish Santa.

'Tiny Jewish Santa'. It's what the redhead had called herself when she had bought Tara the small penguin keychain from the California Academy of Sciences' gift shop years earlier. God... Tara thought, momentarily amazed by exactly how long three years really was. That museum isn't even located in the park any more... She shook her head, returning her wandering thoughts to the redhead.

Willow was a generous person, both monetarily and emotionally, and this benevolence was just one of the numerous reasons why Tara loved the girl. For as long as Tara had known Buffy, the girl had received gifts from Willow; little goofy toys or drawings that the Boston-based redhead thought the petite blonde would enjoy. Nothing major, just little things that would make Buffy smile, stuff that showed how Willow was constantly thinking of her friend. Like the Buzz Lightyear Happy Meal doll Willow sent when Buffy had her wisdom teeth removed, or the hilarious stick drawing of a female bodybuilding competition, just because. Maracas, Tara smiled, remembering how Buffy had laughed though the tears when she had received that gift after her Riley-breakup. Buffy's desk at work was covered in chintzy toys that she had received from Willow over the years, each a small, physical example of the redhead's concern and care.

When Joyce was sick, Willow had mailed a care package to the Summer girls at the hospital. A book for Dawn, a yo-yo for Buffy and a beer-hat for Mrs. Summers. Tara internally chuckled, wondering what had been running through the redhead's mind when she bought and then packaged that red beer-hat. It had been such a welcome pick me up for the women; the whole thing costing maybe $20 including shipping, but then, it wasn't the 'stuff' that was important. It was the fact that they knew the redhead was thinking about them--each of them--and that mattered so very much more than the gifts. It was just so caring, so kind, so... Willow. Receiving thoughtful gifts from the redhead was just a part of being the girl's friend, and seeing as how Tara was now becoming Willow's friend, the fact that she was now receiving gifts didn't necessarily mean anything 'more'. Right?

What exactly are you thinking... Tara asked herself, looking up just long enough to make sure Marissa wasn't addressing her. Just say it: you think that... what, Willow has some sort of crush on you? Tara snorted dismissively and then looked up mortified as several heads turned to take her in. She reflexively coughed to cover, patting her chest, an action which drew even more attention.

"You okay?" Marissa asked from the front of the room, concerned.

Tara's eyes went wide. "Uh huh," she said, clearing her throat, the entire room looking at her. "Just... um, b-breathed... wrong..." Tara trailed off, confusing herself with the words. 'Breathed wrong?' Marissa gave her a look and then went back to talking, the various women around her returning their attention to the frizzy haired woman at the front of the room.

'Breathed wrong? Tara thought again incredulously, looking down at the pad of paper in her lap, a blonde curtain of hair covering her bright red blush. She shook her head, and remembered why she had made the original noise. Willow, with a crush on me... Tara shook her head vigorously. No, no, that's just... w-wishful thinking, Tara... First, there was the fact that Willow was straight. Second, there was Xander. Wasn't there?

And besides, it wasn't like the redhead was doing things someone with a crush would do. Friends, Tara, she told herself, she's doing what friends do.Willow wasn't... making excuses for them to spend inordinate amounts of time together; after all, it's not like the redhead insisted on staying up with her to do the dishes although she did go and get me breakfast this morning, apologizing for not helping out more, and it's not like Willow complained about not spending more time cooking together although maybe that's why she invited me to dinner tonight...?

Tara shook her head, looking for more reliable evidence of her and Willow's budding platonic friendship. Well Willow definitely wasn't touching her all the time. Like you touch her... Tara blushed ruefully, hoping Willow didn't think she was too, touchy, with the constant hand squeezing and touches. Besides, even if the redhead did touch her... Buffy touched her all the time, and Buffy didn't want her romantically, despite what Anya thought that one time. And there's that whole, in-love-with-Xander and being straight thing. It always comes back to that... Tara sighed and let her eyes drift around the room until they inadvertently settled on the girl sitting about five feet in front of her.

Morgan.

Morgan was the kind of girl Tara would have had a huge crush on in high school. She was beautiful, with dark wavy hair, a healthy tan and an athletic, yet curvy, build. And it wasn't just looks. The girl was outgoing, friendly, funny... basically all the things Tara had thought herself incapable of being in her teens. Morgan... well once upon a time Morgan would have closely resembled, if not been, Tara's idea of 'the perfect girl'. In fact, hadn't she once told Willow that a girl like Morgan was what she wanted in a girlfriend? Brunette, olive complexion, artistic...

So what changed? Morgan was everything Tara once wanted, but Tara found that she didn't want the girl, *at all*. When she looked at the brunette, there was no spark, no stomach flutters, no wondering if today would be the day they'd talk. Had that ideal really changed in the last six years, disappeared? Tara suspected she knew the answer, that the only reason she wasn't finding Morgan attractive now was because she wasn't Willow.

Tara looked down at her pad of paper and began to doodle an ornate 'M' on the page. What would Morgan be like as a girlfriend... Would she bring me blueberry bagels? Remember that I like spinach? Try and protect my feelings if she had the slightest inkling that something might hurt me... Maybe not... maybe those were things that were exclusive to Willow. But one thing was for sure; Morgan would be able to give her things Willow couldn't, like physical affection and possibly a romantic partnership. Kisses, waking in someone's arms after making love, children... Tara wanted those things, and knew that no matter how much she wished differently, Willow would never be able to give her that. The redhead was straight. She loved Xander. Comparing Willow to Morgan was ridiculous; it was essentially comparing a dream to a reality.

Maybe I should go on date with Morgan, Tara thought, shifting her arm to better be able to fill in the 'M'. After all, she had heard dates were fun (never having gone on one herself). A date. She could go on *a* date with Morgan. Going on *a* date wouldn't mean they'd move in together, or proclaim their undying affection for one another at the end of the evening. They wouldn't even have to kiss. It'd just be a date, a chance to go out, see what it felt like to go out to dinner with someone who might just desire her. Want her, as more than just a 'good friend'. Simple, harmless and fun.

So why did the mere thought of going on a date with Morgan make Tara feel like she'd be cheating on Willow?

Tara looked up as the meeting ended, some of the artists leaving right away, a few milling around and talking. I really hope I didn't miss anything important... the blonde thought guiltily as her eyes quickly scanned the crowd, the blue orbs growing wide as she recognized Morgan walking straight toward her. Okay, be friendly. Tara thought nervously, the brunette getting closer. If she asks you out, say yes. I mean no. Yes, no. No. Maybe... Tara momentarily frowned at her scattered, indecisive mind.

"Hey," Morgan said, stopping close to the blonde, smiling warmly.

"H-Hey," Tara replied a little nervously, shifting her weight and moving the pad of paper from one hand to the other.

"How's the breathing?" Morgan asked teasingly and Tara blushed, ducking her head before looking up and answering sheepishly.

"Fine. I'm s-sorry I haven't called--"

"Don't worry about it," Morgan said, waving her hand in front of her with a big smile. "You've probably been swamped, Ms. I've-Sold-12-paintings! Congratulations, Tara, that's really spectacular."

"Thanks," Tara said modestly. "H-How did you--"

"Only seven," Morgan answered with a shrug. "But then again, watercolor nudes aren't in big demand right now," she added playfully, and Tara nodded, for no other reason than she didn't have anything to say to that. An awkward moment of silence settled between them before Morgan spoke. "So, I was wondering if you had given any more thought to the party...?" She looked up hopefully.

"The par--? Oh!" Tara caught herself, blushing red in embarrasment. "I'm s-so sorry, I completely forgot. You must think I'm h-horrible..."

"It's okay, and of course I don't," Morgan said sincerely. "Like I said, I'm sure you've been really busy coming up with those two new paintings."

Sure, Tara thought, a polite covering smile on her lips. Cause that's what I've been doing since Sunday instead of obsessing over my straight roommate...

"It would be really great if you could come though," Morgan said in her best, most entreating voice. "Everything red," she smiled. "Red tamales, red martinis, people dressed in red, more or less," she joked. "It should be a blast." Tara opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a fast approaching Marissa.

"Hey," the frizzy haired woman said as she joined the discussion, squeezing in next to Tara to pour some hot water into her mug. "What are we talking about?"

"The red party at my place Friday," Morgan said, giving Tara a quick, hopeful smile. "I'm trying to talk Tara into coming."

"Oh you should go," Marissa told Tara, plopping a tea bag into her mug as she leaned into the counter, her thin, active frame inches from the blonde's side. "Michelle and I are going; color parties at Morgan's are always fun."

"I d-don't know," Tara said, feeling pressured, sandwiched between the two women. "I mean, I'll t-try and make it--"

"Try?" Marissa frowned, giving Morgan a wink before turning back to Tara. "What else do you have to do..." she challenged.

Tara was caught off-guard. What else do I have to do? You mean besides avoid Morgan because I can't decide if dating her would constitute cheating on my very straight roommate... "I have those paintings?" She half-asked, as she looked pleadingly between the two women.

"On a Friday night?" Marissa answered, eyebrows arched. "No, no, no..." The frizzy haired woman turned to Morgan. "Don't worry about it, she'll be there."

"Well I hope so," Morgan said, smiling sweetly at Tara. Marissa smiled at both girls, Tara looking down under the weight of the obvious gaze. "I'm just going to go talk to... someone, leave you girls to talk," Marissa said, trying to hide a smile, as she away quickly, sipping her drink as she crossed the room.

Tara and Morgan both watched the gallery owner leave, then looked back to each other, blushing and looking away when they accidently caught each other's eye. They both looked up at the same time, flashing the other an awkward, embarrassed smile. "That was subtle," Morgan said with a wide smile, and Tara nodded.

"As a n-neon sign," Tara stammered.

Morgan smiled at Tara for a long moment before she spoke. "I have to run," she said, putting the flyer with instructions on the L.A. show in her back pocket. "But I really do hope to see you Friday. I think we could have a lot of fun together."

"O-Okay..." Tara said, as the brunette brightened up a bit. "I'll try." Morgan nodded with a smile, and exited the office.

Party Friday... Tara thought, again shifting the pad of paper in her hand. Can I do this? I mean, Marissa and Michelle are going to be there, and I'm sure there will be other people I know there as well... just, what does she mean, 'we could have a lot of fun...*together*'... Tara looked down at the 'M' on her notebook, only to be confronted with a 'W'. What? Tara frowned at the letter. She looked back up at Marissa, blithely talking to a meek blonde on the other side of the room, and then to the door Morgan had just exited through. Tara quickly exited after the brunette, catching her at the door.

"Morgan!" The brunette turned around as Tara caught up to her, smiling at the sight of the blonde. Tara took a deep breath as she opened her mouth. Would you like to go out to dinner, maybe get a cup of coffee, or-- "Can I bring a friend?" What?! Tara internally screamed.

Tara watched as Morgan's smile momentarily faltered before she recovered. "Sure," the brunette replied softly, a slight, polite grin on her face. "Is it... a friend, or a *friend*--"

"My roommate," Tara quickly replied, who I am in love with, she tacked on internally. "I don't even know if she'd be able to go, but..."

"The more the merrier," Morgan said, her smile brightening a bit. Tara wondered about that, and the brunette finished with a wink. "Especially if her sidekicking gets you there." Tara blushed and Morgan flashed her another wide smile before exiting to the street. Tara nodded, and dumbly looked down at the notebook in her hands, an 'M' staring back at her.

What am I doing... she thought, heading back to the office.

**********************

Willow was lost in thought as she sat on the BART train. Why don't I ever touch Tara? The thought had been bothering her all day, the memory of Tara's fingers trailing over her skin as they held each other close in her dream haunting her. Okay, so their fingers occasionally brushed together as they handed things to each other, and Tara touched her all the time, little hand squeezes, elbow pinches... So why did Willow act like she was contagious or something, keeping her hands most decidedly to herself? Think... Willow internally commanded. When was the last time you intentionally reached out and touched Tara?

The handshake at the gallery, Willow thought, disappointed. A touch that she had been instructed to make by her uncle. But what about other times... Willow scrunched up her brow as she searched through her mind for the memory of a simple touch. A nudge. A pinch. Anything. Nothing.

So just touch her, Willow told herself cavelierly. Well okay, not like, *touch* her touch her, she internally amended, but like, a little nudge if she says something funny, or squeeze her elbow or something as you walk side by side. Willow sighed. I mean, you touch Buffy all the time and it's not a big deal... you don't spend the whole day thinking about that.... Willow noted rationally. But then, Tara's not Buffy...

Maybe tonight. She could work in a few brushes of their arms as they walked to the restaurant, maybe put her hand on the blonde's back if the sidewalk became crowded... Willow looked up as the train started to slow and stood, exiting when the train stopped and the doors opened.

I hope she liked the bagel... Willow thought as she took the escalator to street level. And I hope the latte wasn't completely cold and gross by the time she woke up... The redhead turned right as she exited the station and began the five minute walk to her home. And I really hope she wants to have dinner with me tonight...

The redhead had read up on the Thai place she had suggested in her note on the web today; it had received a good review from the Chronicle and most of the comments on the Yahoo city guide were positive. If the blonde didn't like Thai, Willow had researched several alternatives. Doesn't hurt to be prepared... she thought, mentally running through the list of the top ten casual restaurants in the city and the various bus and BART lines to each. She was determined to have tonight's dinner go smoothly; provided we're even having dinner... Willow thought as she unlocked her apartment's door on the street. Please say we're having dinner...

She entered their street entrance and climbed the first set of stairs, her heart pounding. She had no idea whether Tara would be home, if the reaction to her gesture this morning had been welcome, much less appreciated. Whether she'd be eating a bowl of cereal in front of her computer tonight, or a bowl of.. something across a restaurant table from Tara.

Willow entered the apartment holding her breath, and exhaled when the blonde was no where in sight. The redhead tentatively called out, "Tara," as she closed the door behind her, and held her breath as the words bounced back to her off the walls. The blonde wasn't home. Willow hung her head and shuffled her feet across the floor as she slowly crossed the floor to the stairs. She's probably out with Morgan... Willow internally grumbled. That androgynous named, possibly gay bitc--

"Willow."

Willow's head snapped up and she turned to see Tara standing in the doorway. "Hey, I was just up on the roof." The blonde smiled widely at the redhead. "Ready for dinner?"

Willow smiled widely. "Yes," she replied, her heart expanding with joy, her slight frame relaxing. "Yes."


Edited by: EasierSaid at: 10/21/04 2:00 pm

[illusivekae]

Mmm mmm mmm, I had to come out of lurkdom after this chapter. I absolutely loved the symbolism of the M and W. I think that may have to be a favorite scene in the story so far; it was just so... perfect. I'm usually much more articulate but I wrote a Corporate Crime exam an hour ago so my brain's kinda fried. Anyway, excellent chapter!

[WickedReds]

Whoa... Tara's mind put me in a loop... This Xander and Willow being straight factor is really putting her off... Mmmm

And the Morgan thing..i won't go there... but at least their going to dinner... *praying to goddess* please let them be together and for all this confusion and doubt go away...



-reds



my banana dances for smut

Smutbunny Anthem: *sung to tune from Goldfinger* Smutbunnies...they'e the bunnies, the bunnies that love the smut...and Willow's butt. They surf for smut fiction...always lookin' for the next naked sweaty fix...of Tara's tits.- Written By Cameron(tarawhipped) For Us Smut Bunnies

[wiccie]

OK, surfacing from Deep Lurk to say that since I no longer have time to write fanfic I love occasionally finding a Really Great Story such as "Neverland".



Also, as an SF gal I'm dying to know what 'hood Tara is in. Sounds a lot like The Mission, but closer to 16th or 24th St. BART stations?



I promise I'm not a stalker.



I livied in the "Mistro" (Mission/Castro border)aka "KenTaco Valley" (for proximity to Duboce KFC) of 14th & Guerrero for 9 years, and just moved over a year ago to Bernal Heights (near Wild Side West).



See? Now you can stalk me.



Say, wouldn't it be cool for W&T to, oh in about another 100 chapters, go out to the WWW?



Rock on, write on!

wiccie

FWF

[the hero factor]

Great update. I feel so bad for Tara, I just want her to find out that Will's not straight. Can't she come out soon? Please?

Quote:

---

"You okay?" Marissa asked from the front of the room, concerned.



Tara's eyes went wide. "Uh huh," she said, clearing her throat, the entire room looking at her. "Just... um, b-breathed... wrong..." Tara trailed off, confusing herself with the words. 'Breathed wrong?'

---

Hee! I love Tara.



Can't wait for more. I love this story.

She danced as they say in that song - like a wave on the ocean.

[tarawhipped]

HEY!!! I think I see...what the...could it be??? *pulls out magnifying glass and holds it up to Tara's brain* It is!!! It's a tiny seed of truth! Oh PLEASE grow, little seed!



Interesting chapter, Heather. You've set up a number of possible stumbling blocks, and I can't wait to see how many the girls fall over, and how many they avoid. Marissa may mean well, but I so wanted to kick her ass in this chapter. Bravo to Tara for asking to bring Willow along to the party. If they go (not gonna assume anything), I'd really like to see Willow go all protective uberbutch when confronted with Morgan. The Xander thing has to be resolved, though. Tara just can't seem to get around the idea. Though Willow's determination to get proactive with the touchy-feely is perfectly timed. And did I sense a little foreshadowing r.e. stargazing together in a future update? * dreamy sigh*



Finally, that was a great Willow moment that she checked several sources for restaurant reviews, and researched alternatives as well as transportation routes. Just adorable!



-Cameron

---

What should I be but just what I am? - Edna St.Vincent Millay

[littlecrazy80]

And again a wonderful update. Tara should stop thinking so much about Willow being "straight". But yay for the dinner!



*lil´c*

"I am S-E-X-Y" Amber at the FedCon



Sweet Amber ~~~ Amber Board ~~~ Danielle Benson ~~~ Danielle Benson France ~~~ Danielle Board

[badkitty]

Heather, amazing as usual. There is something I couldn't resist commenting on though...



**********************

Going on *a* date wouldn't mean they'd move in together, or proclaim their undying affection for one another at the end of the evening.

**********************



Uhm, we are talking about lesbians here, right? In which case, I'm pretty sure that *a* date actually does mean they'd move in together. Granted, that's the second date, but still.



gail

[LucyisXena]

Nooo not Morgan.. I mean she seems like a nice girl and all but I'm sure she is nothing compared to Willow. Don't do it Tara... lol go for Willow!!

[YMKA]

For the last couple of days I was reloading Pens page... hoping' to see your name in the update thread...but no.. so today...when I saw...I was like 5 years old "YAY!!!!! UPDATE!!!!!Damn OT...."



And ....April not going for iced caps?!?!? Tim Horton's Iced Caps???? ....Wow...



Okay...now that I'm done acting like an idiot and with the shock thingy....update!



YES!!!!! Tara was thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![Well, I know she CAN think, I mean the whole "she might have a crush on me" thinking ]And I liked it, well except the whole...." She's straight, she loves Xander" thing.... ...

Quote:

---

At least, it seemed to the blonde that there might be something... more, going on.

---

She should be concentrating more on the...more part than on Xander...straight part Show her THE WAY... (sorry....just saw Xena's episode... )

Quote:

---

"Just... um, b-breathed... wrong..."

---

Okay....that line just cracked me up... ... breathed wrong oh god that's .....



"Brunette, olive complexion, artistic...".....was that the reason for Willow's....."change"???? *shakes her head... *sighs...



Everything Red...including the date ...did I just say date?????



And Willow was doing her own thinking. I'm glad she actually was paying attention that she wasn't touching Tara, and was trying to understand why. I hope Tara will let Willow know that what she did was okay and that she did appriciate it (she did...right? right? ) Having alternatives....it's soo like Willow....and 10 not less





Can't wait for their second dinner .



Great update Heather!!! wow...I used full name



I'm gonna go now....



Thanks!



M.

[Willow18]

Once again, just WOW.



I liked how you delved into Tara's thoughts for this part. I can totally see her saying that she "breathed wrong" and then the confused expression following it. lol



Also, I liked how Willow and Tara are starting to get on the same path with analyzing their "relationship" over the past years. Like the whole touching idea. Tara thought about it and Willow did as well.



Looking forward to the dinner and then the party. Yup, Willow definitely will go large with the butch if Morgan even looks at Tara. Should be fun.

[watersong84]

Let me just make it clear that I check for your updates every day - more than once. It is really sad. I have some sort of chemical dependancy on this fic, and I will never go to rehab! This update was a decidedly nice break from the angst. But there is something stirring that I don't like at all - and her name starts with a big fat M. I hope Tara doesn't dawdle in her courtship for long... Oh, and I'm also thinking the air needs to be cleared about the whole Xander thing... Willow pinning Tara up against the wall and kissing her lifeless might do the trick . But there was definate improvement in the situation this time - Tara finally might be getting it. Hmm... I will wait impatiently for the next update.

[JustSkipIt]

Oh Tara, Tara, Tara

Quote:

---

It was like Willow... liked me. Tara thought cautiously, perplexed. Like, *liked me*, liked me

---

You know why it's like that? Because she does. Great journey through Tara's mind these days. Poor girl. She's lost, completely lost and just needs Willow to do some soul-sharing. And Morgan. Wow, I like her. Not for Tara of course, but she's got it going on. She lets Tara know she likes her and is friendly and direct without being obnoxious. And a Red Party? How funny.



The meeting prior to dinner is wonderful. Willow's concern that they aren't having dinner and saying only yes, twice. Very nicely done.



I wonder about Marissa's hair. You're constantly refering to it and it must be a sight!



Also, must give a big thanks to Washi for making and hosting my new Ashvatar.

MoveOn.Org

American Civil Liberities Union

Human Rights Campaign

[behindhereyes]

Damn... when I think it isn't possible for this to get better than it already is, you go and raise the bar higher .



You simply amaze me .





behindhereyes

Km

"To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world"

Edited by: behindhereyes at: 10/21/04 2:45 pm

[shadowygirl]

Yes see Marina know's its true HA ! and yes Tim hortons :O hehe though I have to say I drank a tim hortons iced capp today while reading the up date which was wonderful I might add ! great job I hope dinner goes well !



Luv April M !

[snuggle79]

I loved how Willow thought about ways of touching Tara by "accident" Lol, reminded me of my own studies, hee.

I hope Tara will keep things the way they are now, with the whole Morgan thing. I don't want them together. Of course i don't. And bringing Willow to that party, oh my, that should really be an interesting evening then.



Awesome update!

s79

I look at horses and I see really big ponies.

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.

[gabbles]

I freaking love this fic, like, I really seriously do! It's just...brilliant...the way you weave the story, and write the characters...it's brilliant.



Okay, in all honesty, normally fics that take FOREVER to get our girls together (especially ones like this, where they are both completely in love with each other and don't realise the other feels the same way) can frustrate me, most of the time in a pretty good way (sometimes not though). It always seems like they should've...I dunno....realised it all sooner.



But you, now you make it 100% real. It in no way feels fake, or like it's been dragged out, or like they should've jumped each other by now. It feels like it's all happening like it really would in real life. Your fic has a lot characterization, which is perfect, because I love a lot of development of characters, and you do it so fantastically, and make us understand their actions by showing us their thoughts and pasts/memories.



I don't know if I'm saying this right, but basically I wanna say this: you pull this off amazingly. Your writing rules, as does your plot, as does the way you've kept the characters true to themselves, yet made them your own.

And also this: Even though, at times, I want them to just jump each other, I'm perfectly happy to watch this friendship progress, and experience it with them, as they are to be becoming friends. It's beautiful, how this is progressing, and I'm loving watching someting so fantastic build this way.



I absolutely love this fic, and this wasn't even really feedback on the update, just on the amazingness of your writing. So, just for something to say on the update, because I can't type much mroe without becoming exausted, I'll say one thing on it all:

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED 'that day in the park'!!!

lol



You keep dropping little one liners in about this, and my curiosity is getting the better of me. So far, it seems they had a great conversation, one that made them fall in love with each other. But I get the feeling of something more...or something. Me wanna know!





Thanks so much for giving us such a brilliant story and beautiful relationship.



*hugz*

~Gabs

I’m a vegetarian and have been for 11 years. I eat when I’m hungry. And if I want desert, I’ll have frickin’ dessert!" -Amber

Amen to that!

Edited by: gabbles at: 10/20/04 4:11 am

[sacinema]

You are an evil tease. But I love every ounce of it. These cliffhangers are gonna kill me.







Yes, a big to Morgan-goodness for Tara. Don't even think about it beautiful. She is really nice, yes - as a friend-friend.



Looking forward for dinner again and the party. Wonder how Tara is gonna ask her lovely Willow. And because it's a Red Party - nice idea by the way -, will Tara go with Willow as a costum?



The girls are definitely coming closer. That's fine with me. Can't wait for your next update. But I'm really glad and thankful, that you never let us wait that long.

[starcat73]

They are going to dinner !!!!! Alright !



I love it !!!!!!!! Tara thinking about Willow and over analyzing Willow's actions was brillant.



But you are really killing me every time you write " Willow loves Xander" <--- that right there. that hurts each time. Please end my pain and agony



On a brighter note, I think you are touched by a Goddess. Your writing is incredible.

Even though I would like to see an update soon, I know the wait will always be worth it.



StarCat

[Sally McFine]

Loved this update. I would guess that what happened in the park is that Tara told Willow about how her mother died of cancer and Willow decided then and there that she would dedicate her life to working to improve the technology for detecting cancer early, and that's why she went to MIT and studied what she studied, and then got the job at SutterSoft working on medical imaging. Am I close?

Edited by: Sally McFine at: 10/20/04 9:20 am

[alysagoddess85]

yet again...that was great...i love taras little inner-discovery about willow possibly liking her...that was cute...and the 'M' that turned into the 'W'...wonderful. and a red party!! who better to bring to a party with all red then a red-head?!?! come on its perfect!! now i cant wait to see what happens at dinner...hmmm...sooo close i can feel it!!



~mel

'The Cat in the Hat' is fine, just not during sex.--Alyson Hannigan

[TromDeGrey]

OK, my dear, this is my first official completely frustrated feedback in this post. How in the hell did you take Marissa from Hero to Heretic in just a few lines? Someone tell that frizzy-haired twerp to mind her own business!!!! And is this San Fran or Siberia??? Do none of these people have gaydar???? Has Willow rung no one's bell yet?? Hello!!!! She's Family, people!! Someone clue Tara in! And, you know, I like Morgan, I do. She seems very sweet and not at all pushy or obnoxious, but I hate the thought of this party. Even with Willow in tow... Scratch that. Especially with Willow in tow, I hate the thought of this party. How much, you ask? With apologies to Dr. Suess, I have created an ode to this party. Ahem...



I do not like Green Eggs and Ham

But I like this party less.

While a red Tara & Willow would be a wonderful sight

I'm feeling nothing but stress.



Surely our Willow, spaz that she is

Would take just one look and see,

That Morgan the artist is Tara's "dream girl"

And turn like a Schnoozle and flee.



But no, dear Willow, It's you Tara wants!

If only you would open your eys!

But now I must wait for another update

And see just how much the shit flies.

Trom's Brain: Rubbing the World the Wrong Way

[Idgie]

Oh, those little touches Willow has planned. I know how electric they can be.

I love that Tara's not unrealistically blind or clueless and has at least allowed the thought that Willow might have a crush on her to enter her head.

Now if only Tara can just clear up that whole Willow-loves-Xander mess, they'll be on the right track.

Speaking of Xander, I'm wondering if he'll make an appearance in San Fran and maybe even hook up with Anya. Although that probably wouldn't help with the clarification thing since it would upset Willow and send Tara in the wrong direction. But it would be angsty, which I've come to expect.

[justin]

That was a great update



Reading Tara's thoughts about That Day In The Park, my first thought was that day obviously meant a lot to Willow & Tara, now if only Heather would explain what happened so that it could mean lot to us too



Honestly this constant referring to that day, without knowing what actually happened is getting a bit frustrating.



So Tara's going to take the woman she has a crush on (and who has a crush on her, though she doesn't know it) to a party hosted by someone who has a crush on her.



There's just one word for that



smooth



Willow needs to come out, stat. Not just for her and Tara's sake, bit also for Morgan's. Since at the moment Tara's, unintentionaly, leading her on, which isn't nice.



Well hopefully meeting Morgan will help spur Willow on and won't leave her thinking, "She's Tara's perfect girlfriend, how can I possibly compete with that?"



Looking forward to more

]

--

"There are some days that you just can't get rid of a bomb" - Batman: The Movie