New Fic - Neverland

[YMKA]

Hey Heather (please notice the absence of "evil" part )



I missed 3 updates.....yes..I think it was 3.... . Please forgive me ....I can give ya cookies LOL



But I read everything...Just no replies....cuz ya know... life can be well....life sometimes [read b-i-t-c-h ].....It just drives me insane...how can you be so blind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Both of them!!!!!!! ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously....but then life is exactly same thing....we don't see the most obvious things... which makes this fic real....with real emotions And that is one of the things that captures my attention Great Job... seriously



I actually like Morgan....and I think she might be the one to point out that Tara and Willow have some ahm ....attraction



Hope to read more...soon





M.

[WillowSpiritus]

I just wanted to respond to what shuyaku said: Why isnt Tara more upset? You really gave the reason and answer yourself. Tara has been thinking that she doesnt have a chance with Willow for a while now and even tough it hurts she had time to adjust. Another reason i come up with is that Tara wants Willow to be happy and that to her is more important then her own happiness. She hates Xander because he doesnt make Willow happy! If he did she would be glad for Willow and she would try to move on. It is what she is trying now with Morgan (hopefully without any roof succes!). Willow on the other hand isnt that strong and wants Tara to be happy but with her. I think this is a realistic difference of the two characters and we have seen Tara act like this on the show. Tara telling Willow that if she makes the choice to be with Oz she would still be her friend. One of the things i love about Tara.



Ofcourse it also makes a difference that Tara thinks she will never have chance to be with Willow because of the straight thing. Willow knows that if Tara rejects her that it will be because she doesnt want her. Like allways Willow believes deep down that she's not good enough for someone like Tara. A world of pain and true to character for the both of them. GREAT story!

[Tiggrscorpio]

I am finally caught up again. It seems I've come in at a disasterous time but that's just fine because I'm still loving every bit of this tale. I really enjoyed how you led us to believe Willow's anxiety on the BART was about attending the party with Tara, and then, it turns out to be something wonderful like Willow having to work at home. I could only imagine goodness at their few weeks of interactions at home, but after the last chapter, I'm a little worried that Willow may retreat into the safety of her bedroom, where Tara is hers only in her dreams. I hope I'm wrong.



I'm also in the camp that doesn't necessarily dislike Morgan. I just want her to keep her hands to herself. Until you tell us otherwise, I'm firmly going to believe that Morgan's watch or bracelet got caught on one of the loops on Tara's top when she was checking to see if Tara was cold on the rooftop. Tara naturally pulled away and the loop came untied. That's my story and I hope yours is something similar.



The thing that touches me most about this story is that I know first-hand how plausible these series of misunderstandings and missed cues can actually be. This could be the tale of my first relationship, minus the nice apartments and while my g/f was a redhead, I'm not a blonde nor as beautiful as Tara.



She and I danced around each other for over a year. Looking back it's so funny how oblivious I was. She would touch me all the time - a brush against my arm or her hand on my knee. I was too terrified to reciprocate because I was sure she was in love with someone else. When we would go out, she would play "Brown Eyed Girl" every time. I thought she just liked Van Morrison. After we got together, she told me how she always played it for me, hoping I would be her brown eyed girl.



After a year's worth of tension, I could not hold back any longer. We were in the bathroom of the NY Hilton. She was fixing her hair in the mirror and I just grabbed her and kissed her. And she kissed me back.



So, you've left us at a very tense moment, but I know there is goodness to come. I'll wait patiently knowing these two will find each other and knowing I'm going to enjoy sharing in every bit of their discovery. Thank you for this brilliant tale!

[EasierSaid]

Title: Neverland
Author: EasierSaid a.k.a. Heather
Feedback: Bites lip and whispers "yes, please."
Spoilers: None.
Setting: AU. There is no Hellmouth, there is no slayer and no magic of the wicca variety. Just our girls and the rest of the Buffy characters living and loving in that great city by the bay, San Francisco.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me Mutant Enemy.
Notes: Ugh... Transition updates suck. :

Thoughts in italics

PART 30

So, what do you think Tara...

Tara woke and blinked her eyes, her head resting heavily on her pillow. Her room was lit with a diffused glow, a fuzzy blue that indicated that it was early yet. She blinked her eyes again and turned her head slightly to take in the clock on her nightstand, the material of the pillowcase below her head rustling. 7:13. Still seventeen minutes before the alarm was set to ring... She turned her head again, away from the clock and focused her eyes on the window. Dark, probably going to be overcast. Wonder if the sun will break through over in Oakland...

The blonde sighed and swallowed, her body warm underneath the comforter, her lower body slightly tangled in her long pajama bottoms and flannel sheets. She had had terrible dreams last night, causing her to partially wake several times throughout the night and she knew she was going to feel the lack of sleep all day. Willow had been crying. She was sobbing, and the blonde couldn't find her, despite her most frantic dream-efforts. Tara closed her stinging eyes and tried to fade back into a light sleep, determined not to rise from bed before the alarm sounded.

She had set it for 7:30 for a reason. Anya was to pick her up at ten, which meant she would have a little more than two hours to shower, get to Buffy's to pick up her coat, get to the post office to send it to the petite blonde in Boston and then get back to her apartment in time to meet the bottle blonde. Tara also knew that if she rose at 7:30, she'd probably be able to check on the redhead before she left to meet her uncle. Just, a quick hello as she's out the door, no big conversation, or scene... The blonde pursed her lips and lightly crinkled her brow.

She must be so embarrassed, Tara thought, herself flushing red at the memory of the redhead's tears last night. Humiliated... Officially, the blonde had overheard nothing on the sidewalk. But, unofficially... It had been heartbreaking. The pain in Willow's voice as she pleaded with Xander, the desperation, the overwhelming sense of love and loss... Tara swallowed hard and exhaled slowly. She couldn't start her day angry, and if she thought about the dark haired man now she'd be apoplectic by noon.

The blonde rolled onto her back and opened her eyes, staring at the dark ceiling, her right hand resting softly on her stomach. She thought back to the previous evening, her thumb absently rubbing over the light material of her old, thin t-shirt. She shouldn't have taken Willow to the party. Not when she had been planning on spending time with Morgan. There was a good chance that the shy redhead had probably felt abandoned by her, "forgotten." Tara frowned deeply at that. But... I didn't forget her... the blonde thought, confused. Or abandon her... She hadn't known Michelle would take the redhead away, and when she had thought about going to 'rescue' Willow after her 'abduction', the girl had been having a great time. Or, she was smiling at least... No, prior to Willow disappearing across the room to oversee Michelle's meeting, Tara had had every intention of being at the redhead's side for the majority of the night; that's why she had brought Willow, after all. To be close to her.

Tara sighed heavily, her sleepy brain slowly stumbling through the pro and con arguments springing up in her mind. But even if she was at your side, the blonde thought, you knew you were there to get to know Morgan; that's why you had hoped Willow would get along with Michelle, Marissa... Tara shifted her legs a little, pulling her knees up with a tug to free them from the sheets. You knew there were going to be times when Willow didn't have your full attention... The blonde frowned. But she had. My attention, I mean... Before she left, the redhead had been her sole concern. It wasn't until after Willow started texting Xander that she had pulled away, that she shifted her attention to Morgan. And even then... all night... her eyes sought out her roommate, her stomach twisted as she worried whether the girl was having fun.

"I didn't come here to be forgotten--"

Tara swallowed hard. She should have fetched Willow a few minutes after Michelle had taken her away, or o-or told Michelle no, Willow couldn't chaperone. The blonde closed her eyes. No, she couldn't have. That would have been w-weird, and p-possessive, Tara thought. Something a girlfriend would do. Willow was a grown woman. If she didn't want to go someplace, she could have said no. If she wanted to come back and spend time with the blonde, she would have. Tara thought back again to the numerous times she watched Willow from across the room, how the redhead, when not looking at her phone, was seen smiling at the people framing her. She seemed to be having fun... Tara thought again, confused.

Yet later... later, when she had sought the redhead out before going on the roof with Morgan, Willow had hugged herself. Backed away. The muzzy-headed blonde didn't know what to think about that. Was she mad at me? Were the smiles all for show...? The redhead was so confusing....

Tara turned slightly and looked at the clock. 7:27. She again looked at the ceiling, her mind going back to the party. It wasn't her job to make sure Willow was happy. If Willow had wanted to spend time with her, she could have come back, sought her out. Willow, by choosing to stay away, chose against spending the evening with her. Tara pursed her lips together. I should have gone and gotten her right after Michelle dragged her away... the blonde thought guiltily. She sighed deeply, the entire weight of the sour evening sitting squarely on her chest like a bag of bricks.

The alarm rang, and Tara pulled her arm from beneath the blanket, the cold air of the grim morning chilling the exposed skin. She pressed the off button, and then heavily dropped the limb to the bed. With great effort, she pushed back the covers and rose, shuffling to her armoire and slipping on her pair of scuff slippers and pulling on her warm robe. She strained her senses to try and hear Willow, but the house was quiet. She grabbed a rubber band off of her dresser top, and loosely tied her hair into a haphazard ponytail, opening the door once done and stepping out into the hallway. She heard absolute silence. She bypassed the bathroom, and with a brief look at Willow's open door, made her way down the stairs. She emerged into the dark main room, and knew Willow was already gone. The blonde flicked on the lights and made her way toward the kitchen.

No note.

"I didn't come here to be forgotten, ignored, just dumped because she doesn't have time--"

No, Tara thought, pressing her eyes tight. She wasn't going to indulge, or relive that memory. Not today... Tara opened her eyes and moved to the stove, automatically putting the kettle on and moving then to fetch the coffee from the freezer. She pulled the french press from it's place by the stove, noticing that it hadn't been used that morning, and poured in the grounds. She then returned the coffee to the freezer and waited as the metal kettle creaked, the burner turning red beneath it. I hope she's okay, Tara thought, her mind becoming more alert as she stood in her large kitchen. I just want her to be okay...

***********************

Willow listened with little interest as the agent described the loft's different amenities, the exposed cement walls and floor-to-ceiling windows creating a bleek contrast that flooded the long, tall room in gloomy reflected gray. The redhead let her eyes wander up along the iron circular staircase to the second level, the bed barely visible near the pipe railing. So cold... Her uncle asked questions about the neighborhood, about other development nearby and the redhead only nodded when she felt she should to maintain the appearance of listening. But she wasn't there. Her body maybe, but her mind...

"Do you want to talk about pricing now, or would you like to take a packet with you?"

Willow blinked, and then turned her head slowly to regarded the agent, the woman smiling back at her with an anxious, please-buy-now grin.

"I'll take the packet," the redhead replied, her even voice tired and flat.

***********************

The day just kept getting worse...

It had started badly with Willow slipping out quietly at dawn... then the ordeal of packaging and mailing Buffy's coat... the terrifying drive across the Bay Bridge with an over-anxious Anya... five hours spent in an old storefront answering questions about whether Tara thought the space was 'attractive enough to make people want to come in and spend money, yet not comforting enough to encourage them to loiter.' And now this.

She had known this was a bad idea. "Do you want to get dinner?" She should have answered 'no, I think I'd like to go home, I'm sort of tired, late night...you know.' Instead she had said 'yes', knowing full well she was using the early meal to put off going home and seeing Willow. The redhead's early exit this morning had left Tara unsettled, and she felt that she needed more time to think about the situation. I should have gone to a bookstore... or the gallery, or--

"What do you mean you didn't sleep with Morgan?" An incredulous Anya asked from her seat across from the blonde. "Why not?"

"I--" Tara stopped, sighing. See. "I'm n-not getting into this with you." *Especially* you, Tara thought warily, afraid of exactly where this conversation would go if she tried to explain what happened on the roof last night. She turned her attention to the plate of half eaten butternut squash ravioli in front of her, the small neighborhood restaurant buzzing around them as the early crowd made their way to their seats.

"It's too bad you didn't," the bottle blonde said, not acknowledging Tara's evasive answer as she brought a forkful of food to her lips. "She's really great in bed."

What? Tara's face twisted in confusion as she looked up and watched the bottle blonde chew. "How--?"

"Oh not me," the bottle blonde said, assuming Tara was implying with her question that she had herself bedded the artist. The woman swallowed and took a quick drink of water. "Janene, the assistant manager at my store; she slept with her earlier this year. Said Morgan was fantastic, very energetic with quite the robust stamina." Anya smiled pleasantly at Tara, who could only stare back in blank wonder at the shop owner's detached review of the brunette's sexual prowess. "Usually I don't put a lot of stock in those sort of things," Anya continued with a flip wave of her hand, "but I asked around and it seemed to be a consensus."

Consensus... Tara thought. Wait... Janene, Janene, Janene-- "I thought Janene had a boyfriend," Tara inquired, perplexed.

"Oh, she does," the bottle blonde confirmed. "But this was before him." Tara looked at Anya baffled and the bottle blonde explained with matter-of-fact cheer, "she's bi."

"Oh," Tara replied, looking down to her own meal. So, Morgan's great in bed... the blonde thought, a little shakily, her cheeks warm. That's um, o-okay...

"Did you sleep with Willow?"

"What? No!" Tara said somewhat aghast, her head snapping up to take the bottle blonde in with an exasperated look. What? Why would she--

"Why not?" Anya asked innocently, seemingly oblivious to the contorted expression on Tara's face.. "I mean, you didn't sleep with Morgan--"

"Willow's straight," Tara said strongly, her face going red at the reminder.

"Right, because she was on the phone with that Xander and she said she loved him," the bottle blonde replied, nodding her head sympathetically.

"Exactly," Tara answered, bobbing her head. Willow, Willow and Xander--

"That doesn't mean anything," Anya said, interrupting Tara's thoughts dismissively. "She definitely wants you sexually."

"Anya..." Tara sighed, putting her fork down. One track mind... can't she for once talk about the w-weather like normal people?

"Just because she loves this Xander doesn't mean she doesn't want to get naked with you," the bottle blonde continued, taking another bite of her alfredo, watching Tara's reaction closely as she chewed.

"Actually," Tara replied with a tired, tight smile, "I t-think that's exactly w-what it means."

"You are so Pollyanna," Anya replied, a little impatiently. "How do you get by in this world being that naive? People must take advantage of you all the time."

Tara frowned at the woman sitting across from her. "I'm not--"

"If she kissed you, you wouldn't kiss her back?" The bottle blonde asked, an innocent curiosity tinging her words.

Tara's mind looped, her jaw slack at the hypothetical question. Willow's lips, Willow's lips on my lips. Willow's vixen-- "No..." the blonde replied unconvincingly.

"You're lying," Anya proclaimed objectively. "I can tell because your skin's getting red and you won't look me in the eye."

"I am n-not," Tara said defensively, staring at Anya for a second before darting her eyes to the checkered tablecloth, her cold right hand placed protectively over her flushed chest.

"Have you ever considered that perhaps Willow is bi-curious?" Anya asked. "That sure she's in love with this Xander, and is probably straight, but is still entirely interested in sweatin' up the sheets with you?"

"Willow's not like that," Tara replied hotly, an innate desire to protect Willow's virtue rushing to the surface. Anya stared back at her completely devoid of emotion.

"You should kiss her and see what happens--"

"No!" Tara cried. God, it's like she's b-broken--

"What's the worst thing that happens?" The bottle blonde challenged. "She pushes you away and you're slightly embarrassed."

"Slightly?" Tara replied, almost nonplussed at Anya's brashness.

"You could always blame the behavior on a bad chemical reaction; prescription medication and old orange juice, for instance."

"I--" Tara's mouth hung open, words failing to come to her. 'Old orange juice?' she thought, shaking her head, speechless. Great, now I'm b-broken...

"You could be having hot naked sex right no--"

"No, no, Anya. No," Tara said, dropping her head and shaking it side-to-side vigorously, her grip on her fork tight. I should have just told her about the roof, the blonde thought regretfully. That would have definitely been better than this...

"But if she wanted to have sex--"

"She doesn't--"

"If--"

"No--"

"If--" Tara groaned and rolled her eyes, knowing that she wasn't going to be able to stop whatever appalling words were going to flow out of Anya's mouth next. "If Willow wanted to have comfort sex to make her feel better about Xander rejecting her," Anya proposed, "you would turn her down?"

Tara's brow furrowed deeply as the scenario sunk in. If Willow wanted to have comfort sex... "Yes," she replied simply, Anya looking back at her confused. Tara shook her head, sighing as she tried to figure out how to explain her decision to the blunt nympho sitting across from her. "If... if, *that*, ever happened between us... and it won't," the blonde tacked on, her eyebrows arched. "Never. But if..." she trailed off, her face changing to show her sincerity. "If... I'd, I'd w-want it to be m-more." The blonde paused, before continuing softly. "I don't w-want to have sex with Willow..." Tara explained. "I'd w-want to make love."

Anya took a deep breath. "That is so romantic," she said after a moment of silence, taking in Tara's vulnerable face with an appraising eye. "And so incredibly stupid-- You'd be naked and writhing in five minute or less." Tara rolled her eyes dramatically, and bowed her head, turning her attention to the suddenly unappetizing food before her.

You could have asked to be dropped off at Buffy's; you have her keys, she has cable...

"So you didn't you sleep with anyone last night?"

"Oh my god..." Tara groaned as she slapped her free hand against her forehead, her eyes closed tightly and a slight throb starting in her temples.

"Well did you?"

***********************

Willow hated her room. She looked around the four white walls of her bedroom, the blue glow of the computer screen illuminating her drawn face, her large green eyes sitting underneath a dubious, furrowed brow. The room was so sterile. Emotionless. It's like a robot's room... Willow internally grumbled, her eyes returning to the screen in front of her. It certainly wasn't 'amazing', the redhead glumly thought, not like Morgan's vibrant home. Her room was... boring. Plain Jane. Me, Willow thought sadly.

Her rooms in Sunnydale, and then later in Boston, hadn't been like this. She had actually had color in her living spaces then. Her bed had always been covered in a quilt, and pillows, lots of funky throw pillows. She had had posters on the walls, framed pictures of her friends on the furniture tops, little fairy lights strung up along the ceiling... Willow frowned. She had boxed all of that stuff up when she had moved out and then... left it in the boxes. Moving to San Francisco was to be a new start, only, she had somehow forgotten to get started. She had meant to start filling her space with little mementos from her new town, posters for local bands, knick-knacks from local shops. But... that would actually mean going out in search of mementos, and she rarely left the house to go anywhere, other than work or to meet Buffy for food at a restaurant or her place. She had of course heard of the Haight, Union Street and Fillmore shopping areas, but she still hadn't ventured out and explored them. It was like she was frozen.

The girl sighed, and clicked on her menu bar to access a small, pull-down calendar. One more week... Willow sighed and released the mouse button, the calendar immediately snapping up and disappearing. She had woke up this morning at 5:00, startled from her slumber by a particularly bad dream that she couldn't for the life of her remember, and after an uneasy attempt to fall back to sleep, had gotten out of bed at 5:30, showered, and eaten breakfast. By the time the sun rose, she was antsy, and not eager to run into Tara, left early for her breakfast meeting downtown.

She had almost driven to Sunnydale instead of to her uncle's place in Pacific Heights this morning, surprised her mother by coming out seconds after walking through the front door. She had fantasized about calling Buffy as she drove down 101, of interrupting the petite blonde's much needed time with Dawn to come out over the phone. But what would that accomplish, besides finally freeing her from the lies? Coming out sooner wouldn't make her a brunette (although she could always dye her hair), and it wouldn't give her a healthy outdoor tan (although she had heard sunless suntan products were a lot less orange these days...). It certainly wouldn't make her any more artistic, and if Tara had enjoyed herself up on the roof last night... it wouldn't make her Morgan.

Willow clicked on her iTunes application, and randomly selected a song, the low-fi blues of the The Black Keys filtering out through her small speakers. She had acted like an idiot last night. Stupid, selfish, over-optimistic... She had acted like Tara had owed her something for bringing her to that party... like Tara had been hers. Far from it, Willow grumbled, sinking down and slumping in her chair a bit. The redhead had handled Tara and Morgan's rooftop visit badly, she knew that, and the thought that killed her, was not that Morgan had in all likelihood kissed Tara, touched Tara-- Okay, Willow interrupted herself. That's a lie, that definitely kills me... the girl thought, swallowing hard around the pronounced lump in her throat. The thought that *really* killed her, she allowed, was the one that she knew would sit in her subconscious, overseeing the manufacture of bad dreams like some evil Sandman foreman for the foreseeable future. The thought that Morgan had kissed Tara, touched Tara, and that Tara had liked it. That Tara liked Morgan, and that the blonde might be falling in love with the brunette.

Willow closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. She couldn't cry, not now, if for no other reason than she was pretty sure she was all cried out. The thought of Tara falling in love with someone else destroyed her. She couldn't even pretend to be happy for the blonde; Willow felt petty, and she didn't care. She wanted Tara, and she wanted Tara to want her back. The redhead had felt she was so close, only a week away from coming out to her mother, to Buffy, and yet... yet, her overactive imagination told her that with what happened last night... with Morgan in the picture as a lot more than 'just a friend'... that she might have already lost the one thing she wanted most of all.

The redhead shook her head ruefully, thinking about how excited she had felt when they had first arrived at the party. The slight touches. The slight smiles. The whole time she had been thinking about Tara, and Tara had probably been thinking about Morgan. And why wouldn't she? Willow thought harshly, she's perfect... She's everything Willow wasn't.

She's even great in bed, the redhead thought, her stomach clenching at the thought of Morgan putting that skill to use with Tara. 'Great in bed'... Probably means she's experienced. That she knows what women like because she's been with enough to know. Willow took a deep, shaky breath, her own uninspiring hetero experience no comfort to her now. How could she possibly compete with 'great in bed'? Even if Tara decided to overlook the red hair, the pale freckled skin, the nerdy disposition... if they ever became intimate... how could she possibly expect to give the much more experienced Tara what she'd need? I'm not even sure I know what that is... Willow thought hesitantly. I mean... theoretically I know... She'd read enough about it, seen the Hollywood/Indie film versions... she knew what she herself liked, but... the whole idea of pleasing Tara. Of disappointing Tara. If Tara slept with Morgan she'd get earth-shattering sex... the redhead thought. If she slept with me, she'd probably get... I don't know, clumsy apologies and promises to 'do better next time'. Willow sighed heavily.

The slight rap on the door surprised her, and she turned, wide-eyed, to face the door. Tara... The redhead took a panicked look around her room, her desk covered with computers, the rest of her room spartan. I don't know if I can face her right--

"Willow?"

The redhead swallowed hard and reached up to her keyboard with a shaky hand, muting the volume with one key stroke. "Come in," she said, her voice faltering and her heart in her stomach. The door opened slowly, and Willow darted her eyes over, to see the blonde standing still just outside in the hallway. "Hey," Willow said nervously, returning her eyes quickly to the monitor in front of her. "How was Oakland?"

"F-Fine," Tara stammered out from her place in the doorway. Great... she thought nervously, noting her stutter was in full effect. "How was, how was your day?"

"Great," Willow said, moving the mouse to click on a few unnecessary items in front of her. Just look busy, keep your answers short...

When the redhead didn't elaborate, or look at me, Tara asked, "so, w-what are you doing?"

"Working," Willow replied. "I got my work computer this afternoon, so I thought..."

"Oh," Tara said, somewhat stunned by the reply.

"Oh?" Willow replied, casting a quick look at the blonde. "Oh"...?

"Nothing, it's just. It's a Saturday night..." Tara said, the surprise at Willow spending the free evening working evident in her voice. She wasn't kidding when she said she was a workaholic... she thought concerned. Has she even eaten today...?

Willow was momentarily taken aback by the blonde's surprise, and immediately started in on herself as she pushed her lips together tightly. Outstanding. Working on a Saturday night, that won't make her think you're a nerd, lonely, pathetic--

"I um, I thought maybe w-we could go to the movies," the blonde said, and Willow's brow furrowed, the stream of put-downs in her head coming to an abrupt stop. "I mean, I know it's already 8, but m-maybe we can catch a 9 o'clock show at t-the Metreon--"

What? Why... the redhead thought uncomfortably. "I don't think so," Willow replied quietly, her busy mind spinning to try and figure out what was going on. Tara had never invited her to the movies. She feels bad for me...?

Tara nodded at Willow's verbal reply, her blue eyes moving around the room that she had previous to now, only seen from the hallway. Sparse, she thought, noticing that aside from the calendar hanging next to her desk, the redhead had decided against decorating. Tara returned her eyes to her roommate, the girl's tense frame angled ramrod straight in the chair. This movie idea had seemed much more solid on the harrowing car ride across the Bay Bridge... "A-Are you sure?" The blonde asked. "I thought that one with Jude La--"

"You don't have to do this Tara," Willow said as she ducked her head, her cheeks flushing red with embarrassment.

"Do w-what?" Tara asked innocently, her eyes trained on the girl in front of her.

"Try and cheer me up. Because of last night." Silence settled between them. "I know you know I was crying, after, we got home..." Willow said, and Tara nodded quietly. "I'm, I'm *really* sorry I ruined your night," the redhead apologized, her voice thick, her eyes downcast.

"You didn't ruin anything..." Tara replied softly, her hand squeezing the door frame tightly. "If anyone r-ruined anything it w-was me. I'm sorry I was off w-with Morgan all night."

Willow nodded. "Yeah, well..."

Neither woman knew what to say next, and they both let the awkward moment stretch. Tara finally swallowed hard and took a slight step backward, her eyes again darting around the room and landing on the redhead's profile. "I'll be downstairs..."

"Okay," Willow said quickly, nodding her head and turning back to her computer. Tara nodded her head in reply and exited, pulling the door closed behind her. As soon as the blonde was gone, Willow's chin trembled. What had she just done? Tara had invited her out, wanted to spend time with her and she had turned her away. Morgan... The redhead shook her head. The roof, I can't...

The girl sighed and raised her head, setting her jaw and looking at the screen in front of her. Just great Willow, she thought, her hand furiously moving the mouse around the desk. She tries to do something nice, and what do you do? You shoot her down and then make a fool out of yourself by staying home to work on a Saturday night. Oh no, I'm not pathetic at all. Stupid, stupid, dorky a-and nerdy-- The slight rap on the door snapped Willow from her thoughts, and she turned her head to see the door opening. Tara once again was standing in the doorway, only now she was holding... is that my jacket? A bewildered, puzzled Willow looked from the jacket to Tara's open, hopeful face.

"C-Cake?"



Edited by: EasierSaid at: 11/15/04 4:13 am

[EasierSaid]

*blink* *blink, blink* T-That's a lot of replies. Wow. You guys are so amazing and kind and... wow. Seriously humbled and wow. Thank you so much. (WOW!!!)



veiled isis moon Yeah, that last one was definitely a bruiser, with Willow getting the worst of it. She was so wound up and you're right, just looking for a sign that Tara and Morgan were more than friends. Morgan is an interesting character; I like her a lot, and you're right, she's not doing anything other than being quite nice. Sadly, not going to get her Tara though haha. And yes, Xander is the pinata, and I agree he should stay far far away from Tara. Thanks!



WickedReds You, a masochist? Nooooo. ;) I used early S4 Xander as the kind of, basis for this Xander (Beer Bad, Something Blue, Wild at Heart) and then sprinkled in some S5 (I Was Made To Love You) and then thought about how S2-3 Xander woulda mellowed some five years on. He's certainly not shy about telling Willow what's what. Thanks!



BFR from Paris Haha thanks, and yup, many mucho misunderstandings. Not going to stop... but how about improve slightly?



cnd1us Thanks so much Cassie, and yeah, it is hard to watch two people so obviously in love miss all the signals... but I think it's better for them in the end (or at least, I seriously hope so).



meretricious Undulating pain in that update (loved the white water metaphor)! Thanks re: the contrast of spotting Willow at the gallery vs. the party, and no, didn't plan it (just worked out that way). I picked red because it was a sensual color, the idea of a whole party with dark red-light passageways, red pepper appetizers, red apple martinis etc... seemed oh-so-sexier than if it had been... yellow, or something. Seemed to up-the-ante emotional wise, surrounding them in a really lush, passionate cocoon. I agree about Tara needing to improve her Xander karma post reveal and sooo cool you picked up the Neko Case album! The song Tara sings as she's trying to paint a few updates previous is 'Outro With Bees' off of the album 'Blacklisted'. Willow's musical choices are power pop/indie rock/punk, very high energy, lots of attitude, heartbreakingly raw lyrics. The Open is a great band, more melodic than the others I mentioned (The Thermals, Les Savy Fav are admittedly not for everyone), if you can find em I'd go for it (I think they might still be import only though). Tara's music is much more mellow, sensual; look for them to exchange music in upcoming updates (I think it's a big part of their characters, myself). Thanks so much Mary, appreciate the comments!



ceridwenfaylinn Yeah, it was a three-hanky update I guess! And you know what they say about curiousity getting the cat (or is it kitten)... Hope you enjoy the update.



badkitty But, but... I warned and everything! Okay, so Willow has nothing to lose by coming out to Tara... perhaps, but in her mind, there's a lot more going on (which I'll get into in this update); coming out to Tara is just part of a bigger experience for Willow, and she has a very idealized, almost noble image of what she needs to do in order to be a Real Gay Woman (tm). To see herself as the complete, non-lying/hiding woman who can confess her feelings to Tara. Is it right....? I don't know, but it's this Willow, you know? As for letting up... there is so much more that they need to go through. If you think about it from their perspective, this is happening really fast. Just take a look at the week leading up to the party: Monday Willow shows at the gallery and asks Tara to have dinner with her. Tuesday Willow tells Tara she wants to be friends. Wednesday Willow reveals the details of her job. Thursday Tara solidifies her idea that Xander is Willow's one true love. Friday, party. I don't know... I see this story as be much more than the romantic conclusion... I want more. For them to be friends, to trust each other. That's so far from being the case right now, so more story. : Hopefully it'll get better though, and the them-becoming-friends will make up for this frustration. Sorry and thanks!



WillowRTaraM1 Uh oh! High blood pressure is... badness. Thanks very much, but much more to go. Sorry!



illusivekae Wow. Those are *a lot* of rough examples you just cited. I can't help but think though... for every bad thing, there is a positive flip side. I'm definitely not writing a tragedy folks, I want the payoff as much as you guys and I'm really hoping that when things turn sweet ya'll will feel like the darkness was worth it. And please don't go into a coma ;) you'd miss out on all the other awesome, non-hair pulling updates on this board! Thanks so much Erin.



FireFlyofDust Thanks Trish!



DarkWiccan Oh no, no, no; I think your rep as the Queen of Angst is well-intact (I mean, your Willow and Tara have the whole 'unrequited' love thing out in the open, that's just cruel!). ;) I'm glad you're enjoying, and I have no doubts that your next update's gonna rock (can't wait to read it). Thanks!



tarawhipped Haha Mistress of Pain - I hope to be the Mistress of Fluttery Tummies & Big Honkin' Smiles soon enough (definitely looking forward to what's coming up). I am *so* glad you loved the update, truly, and thanks so very much for saying that it didn't feel contrived (one big worry of mine). Yeah, couldn't write the roof scene, that's something that I definitely felt was best left ambiguous. We were on Ms. Rosenberg's Wild Ride during that last update, I wanted to stick with her head spinning. Why didn't Tara invite Willow along... should get into that, and questions like that in this update, with more re: the roof in the update after that. The scene on the street was alternately fun and brutal to write. I had a great time imaging the setting, the tenseness but it did hurt. And I love Xander. As I told Reds, I have a pretty specific canon-culled idea of who he is, and he's just the easiest character ever to write. I can very clearly hear his voice in my head (please don't call the looney bin!). Haha re: the box of See's candy. Tara's going to be detailing Xander's car for mooooonths. Thanks so much Cameron!!



sabina Oof. Perhaps I should have investigated putting that angst warning in red... or you know, bigger font. : Sorry it was so frustrating! Right on about Morgan, and yeah, Willow had one big heartbreak after another, she's pretty much devastated by the time she calls Xander at the end. More on why Willow's not just saying 'to hell with it' and coming out to Tara in this update. Thanks re: Xander. Love the guy. Tara... she did bring the situation onto herself, but... well more on that in this update. She's pretty sure she's messed up, but... haha I don't know, I've been dragged to plenty of parties and left to my own devices by distracted friends. Eh, more in the next update (I don't want to just write it all here haha). Thanks so much!



behindhereyes Haha yeah, the replies have been so overwhelming and outstanding; Pens is pretty damn cool. *big, grateful grin* Willow is feeling the pressure, but she has so much going on in her head, her heart... she's definitely looking forward to her mom's visit/Buffy returning, even though she's feeling pretty hopeless re: her chances with Tara. Thanks so much Kim, glad you're enjoying.



koashura1 Welcome! And thank you, I'm really glad you're enjoying the slow pace. You're right, she has her coming out planned, and I'm not anticipating that being thwarted... we'll see. Thanks so much, and haha consider the pain being brought!



hidden watson Thanks re: Xander, he's the one that can cut through everything and say 'Willow you're being stupid'. Perk of being an old friend. Willow will be coming out in one week (more or less, haven't figured out the timing re: Shelia's visit/Buffy coming home, but is should be one week). Morgan's a good girl, just not as perfect as Willow thinks she is (thank god). Glad you enjoyed M&M (TM goes to JustSkipIt!), they have their own lives, you know? Wanted to show that. Haha re: breaking you, I'm really not trying, honest (seriously don't want anyone broken)! Thanks!



hermitfish Thanks so much Cyd, and yeah, Xander would be wise to wear a cup, helmet and protective goggles if he comes up for a visit before Willow spills the beans. :D



Parasyltamol Welcome lurker! Eternal lurkdom... that was me like, two months ago haha. Oh how times change! Re: your desperate plea... the tide is changing. There will be angst (it's an undercurrent of the story, can't be helped) but hopefully the time they spend together in the next week or so will be happier, leading up to the whooo-hooo good times conclusion. As I told badkitty, it seems long to us but this is going at a lightening clip for the girls, and really, while coming out to Buffy is a big deal for Willow, it's also her mother, and being this out woman who is able to go to the woman she loves and say, 'this is me'. You know? Hope you don't sink back into lurkdom, especially with so many other great stories on this board worth commenting on. Thanks!



wimpy0729 Haha I couldn't help but think of those Emerald Nuts commercials, 'Masochists with Ulcers love angsty updates." Although you know, they woulda used E, N and nuts. *just confused myself* Anyway, Thanks! I like really layered stories, so I tried to do that in this update. I also wanted to show that other people in the story have lives... we're focused on W/T, they're not haha, you know? Good to not jump to conclusions re: the bows; appearances can be deceiving. Haha re: you getting some private time with Morgan in her studio. You know she paints nudes, right? *whistles innocently* Thanks Wimpy!



eklipsej Aww, heart breaking isn't a good sound. I imagine it sounds like car tires squealing from behind. : Holy freakin' shit indeed... hopefully it gets better, starting with this next update. Thanks!



NicTacToe Ah thanks re: the feedback; it's a lot but shoot, if ya'll are gonna take the time to comment, I'm gonna make the time to say thanks (cause really and truly, I'm so grateful). Thank you for the real comment. Definitely what I'm going for, and you're right, sometimes it's not easy to do what seems obvious (especially considering the time frame). I know I've felt like this before, and as craptacular as it is, I'm glad I'm not alone haha, that so many others have been like 'oh man, I've been there'. Commiseration is good! Xander is a great friend, it's his destiny! More on why Willow feels she needs to come out to her mom and Buffy in this update, but you're right, when this comes out both girls are going to feel like 'why didn't we say this earlier?!!?' Thanks so much Nik, hope I can deliver with the rest of the story!



hells bells Yes, feel free to call me Heather. Haha Murphy's Law indeed, but really, they did it unto themselves. Thanks Jun!



Ginner WTluv Haha re: the twitch. Exactly. Well um... hats are in season, and you know... mittens... Glad you enjoyed 'awww' Xander and yeah, heart-through-stomach is a definite by product of the angst! Thanks so much re: the writing compliments, really means a lot and you know, I love that sheep! Thanks!



thebardgirl "Amaaaazing Grace, how sweet, the sound, that saved, a wretch, like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"! ;) Should I summon up Osiris? Is dying from reading angsty fanfic considered a mystical death? Can I get a ruling from the judges? Anyone?



Sela *big huge blush* Thank you so much. I've said it before, I'm super greedy. I want to be there while they're falling in love (er, well, more love), becoming partners, overcoming their fears with the help of each other. I just see it so clearly in my head, I'm glad it's getting through. I'm so glad you enjoy the 'no bad guy' policy; it was a big thing for me when I started this. Life is like that, you know? Bad things happening to good people, good people making bad choices; you can have a lot of angst and drama without a malicious person involved. The visual imagery... that's one of my favorite parts of writing this, imaging how the space looks, what is going on around them, how they look, how they're reacting. It's like watching a little movie in my head. Amber Benson and Alyson Hannigan did such an outstanding job with their portrayals, that it's fairly easy for me to see the look on their faces when I'm running conversations through my head (just picture them). I try and get as much of that down as possible. Also, I guess I try and describe the settings as one would see them if they were there, so only what's in the line of sight, missing some aspects while others pick up other parts. Marissa would of course notice the art on the walls, Willow how the women are interacting with each other, Michelle the music and so on. I'm so tickled that that came through, that the party was always there; I was worried at times that I hadn't mentioned the surroundings enough. Re: your comments on the characters -- I wanted to keep them as close to canon as possible. I like those people, want more of those people, so... here we are. It's really all about the characters for me, how they feel, the moments they share. The plot is completely secondary; it's what happens as a result of the moments, instead of the other way around, you know? (Wow that was a long reply.) Thanks Sela!



Willster Haha fun party... that would have been quite a change of pace! Xander is a wise man, and he really is unlucky with how often Tara overhears something 'bad' about him. And the coat... well come on, that was just genius. You're the one that rocks! Thanks.



iheartamber Wow, so many lurkers. I hope you guys stick around; not just here (cause hello, greedy much) but with the other stories. So many good ones on the board, really awesome stories, very talented writers. Re: the fairytale... well... Willow's gay. As Xander said way back when, she's gay regardless of whether Tara existed, so... Tara didn't turn Willow, as much as helped her realize that in order to be true to herself and happy, she really needed to come out (regardless of whether they hook up, although that's obviously Willow's desire). I think if Willow hadn't fallen in love with Tara, her coming to terms with her sexuality probably would have been a battle she fought for a long time, wondering why she wasn't fulfilled in her relationship with Oz, perhaps explaining away her attraction to other women. Does that make sense? Hope so... Thanks so much!



janedoe Uh oh. I really hope the redefining doesn't mean my picture ends up in the dictionary. There will definitely be W/T goodness... just gonna take some time. Thanks!



LizPuRR Soon - one week! Course, that could mean six months update schedule wise haha. Er... Thanks!



Kajun Yeah, hard to read indeed. Xander is Xander from S4 with some 'I Was Made To Love You' sprinkles (or at least, that's the model I'm going for). Blunt but loving. Tough love therapy... I don't know. Just seemed like what needed to happen for both of them so that they could move forward. I know it doesn't seem like that now... but I hope it works out that way. Healing on the way. Thanks!



WillowPowered Thanks so much Jill; Willow is pretty resigned to the 'reality' of Tara/Morgan... but hopefully it's an assumption that will help her in the long run. Thanks re: Morgan, not every chick that hits on W/T need be evil haha.



CeliBabe Aw, wish that I could write faster (I needed to take a rest after that last one, and then all the feedback...); hope the update is worth the wait and thanks!



Tempest Duer Haha I'm beginning to think Shelia's maiden name was Murphy... would explain things with Willow a bit, right? Thanks!



photographer02 Yeah, ouch, but continuing now. Thanks!



Marilda Yeah, probably a good idea to sit out for a while... not that it's going to be all darkness, but the angst is an undercurrent... can't really help that. And thank you so much for your super kind words. Back to chaining me to the desk though haha. And if you like the name dropping now... I really can't help it, I think music is such a big part of these girl's lives, even if it's kinda subtle. Death Cab... perhaps a little 'Passenger Seat'? Thanks!



screemingguitar "Quickly Robin, to the Misunderstanding Mobile!" Thanks so much, definitely not 'spider-eating man bitch' Xander. Thanks Marie!



WiccanSpud Haha happy train of angst... CHOO-CHOO! So many masochists on this board apparently haha - you're in great company! Thanks!



TromDeGrey Haha Wiccan blasphemer. :P Thank you so much; I know I've definitely had that kind of nothing-can-stop-the-crappiness experience before at a party. Why Tara brought Willow... "explained" as much as can be in this update, although I think it's not really a rational or conscious thought anyway. She's pretty aware she messed up, and we'll get a lengthy look at her thoughts in this one. Xander's always good for chastising Willow haha and I wish I could have seen that look on your face! I'm guessing it'd have been priceless. I hope the recovery is interesting; I definitely think it'll be a good time for both girls. That line again... 'I didn't come here to be forgotten'... and thanks so much S, you know how much it is appreciated.



snuggle79 Absolutely, Willow needs a hug right about now. Willow's keeping pretty tight lipped; too many emotions and :( with the heartbreaking. Heart mending on the way. Thanks!



Artemis Oh no, the backup singers are back. The Fates are definitely testing these girls... Those bows just about killed Willow but you're right, appearances can be deceiving. Thanks re: Mrs. Gordo, definitely put that in there for a little break from the gahness. Tara wanting to hug Willow... she just doesn't feel like they're that kind of friends, you know? Which sucks, and I hope is an example of why they need this week together. Tara-a-week-from-now... no WAY she lets Willow cry alone like that. Willow overreacted all night, she really did little to help improve her situation but that doesn't mean it didn't suck, especially with the assuming the worst with Morgan and Tara on the roof. And she really really did assume the worst, which is sucky. She'll be doing a lot of day-after-thinking, as evidenced in this update. Yes, yes, yes - nobody's fault, just iffy decisions taking a wrong turn. As for the Xander Misunderstanding... I'm betting that helps their situation even before the truth comes out. Tara's uncertain about how Willow feels about her, but there's no uncertainty about wanting Willow to feel better post this latest debacle. Her shifting her priorities to care for Willow regardless of their situation should help. Doesn't mean they're gonna talk it out though. ;) Thanks so much Chris, really appreciate it.



mollyig Thanks so much for your words on both parts. Tara is insanely proud of Willow, especially now that she knows how far out of her way Willow went to protect her feelings re: her job. Willow was so hung up about Morgan though that she completely missed the pride. Big bummer. Willow and Buffy have an odd relationship because of the secret. Xander is the only one that would understand Willow's 'god Morgan's here' freak, which is a shame considering what Tara thinks about Xander. You're right, they were keeping tabs on each other like partners. Expect to see a lot more partner behavior from them both in upcoming updates. Tara's blood boils whenever she thinks of Xander; mama bear for sure. Thanks!



starcat73 You're so right, Willow was acting like Tara owed her something, and Xander was there to set her straight. Tara's bows... more on that not in this update, but the one after that. Haha, I don't know if I'm loving the angst, I'm definitely looking forward to some sweeter times, for dead sure. Thanks so much!



SpiritOfTara *big blush* Aww thanks so much, but let me get to the end first (could always mess it up, you never know).



alysagoddess85 I promise, this fic is not just pain. I fully anticipate a lot of good times too. Not going to say your ulcers will clear up all the way, but hopefully there'll be some smiles too. 'Discovering our love' sex... definitely, just not in the next couple of updates. Thanks!



Arwen276 I should look into buying ulcer medication in bulk. I could make a killing! Don't boil in frustration, really truly good times coming up. Thanks!



happynatty Oh lord that's some physical hurting. I'm glad you enjoyed, nonetheless thought! Thanks Natalie!



She Bopp D'oheth about the frustration and sadness! Thanks very much re: the party. We've all been there. All of this feedback I think speaks to that. I'm definitely going to continue with the slow pace, because as much as we've gone slow with the angst, I want to go slow with the goodness. Thanks so much danielle!



feyndem Ooo trust me, don't want to make it harder! I want to make it better, but sometimes you have to go through some bad times to get to the good stuff. Not so much two or three updates until good news... just... until it's more consistently good. Thanks!



littlecrazy80 Gah! Sorry, I needed to take a minute to get my mind back after that emotional update, and then all the feedback... enjoy the next update!



BARE1975 Nah, not 3 or 4 angsty updates, just, want to have a window before things are consistently better (as I told feyndem) to work some stuff out. Definitely not trying to kill anyone or induce suicide - every bit of pain has a matched happy pair. Yin/Yang! Promise.



AmberandAlysonarehott32 No, no, no heart attacks! Willow and Tara are on their own time tables... haha what can I say. Thanks!



Irishgrl3 Haha lots of hair pulling (and not the sexy kind ;) ) for this update. I hope it doesn't get worse, I'd like to see things get better, fo' sho. I think the light at the end of the tunnel is there, they're just too blind to see it. More on why Willow's not coming out to Tara in this update; she definitely has a reason and she's sticking to it. 'Jeez, that's a lot of replies' indeed but so awesome. So much fun to read what you guys think, especially considering how incredibly thoughtful everyone is! Thanks!



Idgie CONGRATULATIONS!! Big happy congratulations to you and Sally, and yay for honeymoon's without the blackberry! I hope you guys had a beautiful day and a wonderful time away. Whoo-hoo for love and marriage! As for the story... thank goodness indeed! Thanks re: the flawed. To quote Jay-Z (not something I do often) "I ain't perfect; nobody walking this earth's surface is'. Seems like so much more fun to have them messing up. Their time home together is going to be very interesting. They have the lowest expectations; Tara *knows* Willow is straight, Willow's pretty sure Morgan is Tara's 'one'. That frees them in a way to be themselves more, to get to be friends independent of the romance. Or you know, more or less. Willow's coming out should go according to schedule, the only thing that could push it back is if I seriously mess up the flow and need more time to fix it. : Xander's advice is good, considering Willow's pre-stated desires. It's a mixed bag, that. Thanks Idgie!



YunaMaClay Thanks, I agree that it's oftentimes hard to see that someone loves you, especially when events are unfolding so fast (see my reply to badkitty for that), and admitting that you like someone, much less love them, is one of the hardest things to do in the world. Thanks so much!



Willow18 "Things fall apart" indeed. Willow has a lot of thinking to do, but you're right, her little ticker is hurting right now. Thanks!



Arron CFF Thanks so much Arron! Really appreciate it.



Sally McFine CONGRATULATIONS to you lady! As I told Idgie, best wishes for you two ca-razy kids! Gotta do the ambiguous conversations, very necessary. Text messaging is like a disease for people who are into it, and Willow will definitely ruminate on that in this update. Juli Anne Fries - from the Ginsu family, spiritual mother of the infomercial. ;) Definitely set the stage for good things to come. Sorry I couldn't get an update in time, but hopefully you guys will enjoy the ones that are up when you get back. Re: Michelle/Marissa, more on that in upcoming updates (don't want to give anything away) but they're both right, and both wrong - how's that for ambiguity. Thanks!



sacinema Hard to read, but very necessary. Hopefully this week will be good for them. Not looking to make things worse, for sure. Aww, poor Marissa. Don't be so quick to judge though, what was told at the party... not a lot of information to go on. Much larger story there (as is the case with real life, constantly bumping into other people's larger stories and just getting a snapshot). Glad you liked the bow incident. Buffy is off to Boston for the next week for some quality time with Dawn. The week should go by quickly though. Tara... gonna feel mighty red-faced once she figures out all the love Willow has is for her, not Xander. Thanks!



hondosfirst Really, no desire to cause pain, it just works out that way! Definitely not Joss in disguise (although if anyone wants to pay me crazy money to write a W/T movie/series, ring my agent, we'll do lunch) and yes, very much with the happiness at the end. Thanks!



crazy florist Aw yeah, these would be tough to come back to. Hopefully you'll like what's coming up though, even if it's a touch angsty in places. Thanks Sam!



Wired vixen Haha thanks Stace!!



WillowSpiritus Haha yeah poor Morgan, folks were not having a good time. Probably would have had a better time if they had all gotten food poisoning or something. Haha yes, a crazy bird retied Tara's bows! That just screams of Disney - perhaps if they buy the rights to this story that can be the part where animated-Tara sings a song about wishing things were different, "why oh why can't Willow just love meeeeeeeeeee!" Er... or not. If you're a bad person for liking the story, then I'm seriously wrong in the head for writing it haha. And right on re: your response to shuyaku... that's pretty much what I had in mind. Tara's switching gears to care-giver Tara; she truly wants Willow to be happy, and will work to make that happen, as much as she can, in the upcoming week, even if it hurts (but in her mind, what else is new). Thanks so much!



Rocktoddy Haha yes, breathing is good. Don't be upset (or do, you know) cause I definitely promise goodness on the flipside. Thanks!



desertgrl Caves are notorious for having bad internet access. ;) Thanks so much, I agree about the innocent touches, and there will be a ton more as they spend more time together. Tara definitely thinks geeky, brainy, nerdy Willow is hot, and it's a damn shame Willow was too worried about Morgan to notice. Haha Morgan does need to 'stay away from the Tara'. Willow is definitely going to be the one doing the coming out. This is not a spill the beans story where Tara finds out from Buffy, or Shelia or anyone else. Willow's going through this pain, she gets the right/pleasure of telling Tara. At least, I hope to hell it works out that way. What do I think of you? ;) Super duper of course! Thanks!



WitchFu Aw thanks. I feel the same way about watching it; that's what it's like in my head, so cool that you get the same kind of experience. You have a Phantom Dennis! That's so creepy and interesting and I already said creepy, didn't I? Wowza. And haha yeah, that dance... is the dance of a brave little stick man haha. Thanks! (And quoting Muse - nice!)



Nicole023 Totally, Willow thinking she just saw post-make out Morgan and Tara sunk her heart. Just killed her inside. Sorry to hear you're going through rough times, and no need to get on your knees - good times coming up (you know, eventually).



Grimlock72 You're right that Willow's mostly worried about what could happen between Morgan and Tara. Them making out is a horrible thought; Tara liking Morgan, wanting to be with her as her girlfriend... horrible squared. And you're right, Willow has serious doubts about her ability to compete. : Glad you liked Xander's rational approach and nope, no life for Xander right now (just broke up with his girlfriend and working a weird construction cycle... he's ready to take Willow call, haha!) Tara is going to be mortified when she finds out Xander is in the clear and yes, leaving the party (although some minutes too late)! M&M's argument... yeah, it wasn't really meant to be followed, I guess. Who knows what's happening with your friends half the time at a party, you know? All you ever hear is one side of the story, or snippets that lead to an incomplete picture. You're right though, trust is their main issue, but the situation is far more complicated than the snapshots from the party allow. More on that later. Willow working from home right now seems like a bad idea, and she's definitely worried (see update). It'll be an interesting week! And yeah, the feedback for this last update (hell, the whole story) has been so overwhelming and awesome. WOW is pretty much all I can say! Wow, wow, wow, wow... etc. :) Thanks Grimmy.



onlyhalfevil Wow, so many lurkers - thank you! Stay, post! There are a bevy of fine fics to choose from on the board! :) Thanks very, very much. Really appreciate it.



LucyisXena Yes, definitely brutal and a bunch o' happy updates are coming up in a few. Thanks!



angel of salvation Haha lots of frustration there! Willow definitely took Xander's words to heart... for all of twenty minutes haha. Willow was not trying in the least, and a lot of what happened was because she was so passive. Thanks Jess!



frau rosenclay *blush* The feedback has been incredible - truly, everyone is just... wow. Way more than I ever expected. Want and need, interesting that you brought that up, Tara and Anya get into that question some in this update. Thanks so much frau, really appreciate the kind words.



serendipitous Aww shucks, thanks. Haha I'm *definitely* thankful that I can't read people's minds! Willow has reached a limit, or sorts, and she's going to have a pretty passive, defeatist reaction to what she thinks happened at the party

(more on that in this update). Thanks!



JustSkipIt Yeah, lots of feedback but definitely fun to respond to (even if it takes a good long while); so many interesting observations in the replies. Glad you liked Xander's riot act, and yeah, Willow's self-imposed chain of events can seem maddening. Much more on that in this update, but this is pretty much how I see how she's handling things. She could tell Tara her feelings, say 'I'm gay' but until she comes out to her mom and Buffy... she's still lying to important people in her life, which leads her to not be true to herself, to still be hiding. 'Tara, I'm gay, and I love you, but if my mom calls just you know, don't mention it.' In addition to wanting her mom and Buffy to see her as a gay woman (and for Buffy to understand about Xander knowing before), Willow wants to see herself that way too. Be that complete person before she presents herself to Tara. 'This is who I am, and I am in love with you'. Too noble, too overthought, too perfect... maybe just too-Willow (or at least, too-this-Willow)? Add in her thoughts that speeding up her coming out isn't going to help anything because coming out isn't going to make her perfect like Morgan and well... craptacular. She's scared and dismayed, and Tara will definitely help her come to grips with that fear. Thanks re: Tara overhearing the conversation, and especially re: your words on the Kitten board rules. That was a major thing for me, to keep it all legit (hope to keep all Oz/Jill ruminations/conversations legit as well, however that seems to be a gray area, talking/thinking about past relationships - do you know how that works haha rule wise? Hope I don't run afoul). As for the roof gardens/access... pretty common for apts in San Fran since the houses are so close together, not a lot of back decks or backyards, sadly; have to go up, up, up! So sad School Days is over, but you did an absolutely brilliant job with it (if I could figure out how to do the HTML for linking I definitely would link up to the story because I think everyone should read it). I truly hope you have something else brewing, because it would just seem weird to be without a Debra-tale to eagerly anticipate. Thanks so much, as always, as always!!



shuyaku I'm beginning to get the impression that the bold 'major angst' warning wasn't enough, yeah haha. The shower, huh? Well alrighty! Tara upset - more on that in this update. In the last update she's numb, with her concern for Willow superceding her own thoughts; doesn't mean she's not having them though. You're right though, Tara was prepared for something like that, she had all night after all to think about it what with the texting (although hearing Willow in pain, pleading like that... can't prepare for that), and yes, no prep for Willow. She's pretty much blindsided. Thanks so much re: M&M. I really didn't want to have the party be just about Willow and Tara, and very glad M&M's problems were believable. I think Michelle still has potential as an ally of sorts, just not going to be busting out the megaphone and declaring the obvious at the party. As I told Reds, I used early S4 Xander as the basis for this Xander (Beer Bad, Something Blue, Wild at Heart), with some S5 (I Was Made To Love You) and then flashes of S2-3 Xander. Willow with the texting, more on that in this update. Willow completely dismisses Xander's feelings for Buffy, but that's pretty much canon-Willow after a point in the series. Morgan... good in the sack, and you're right, that means she gets around. I probably won't get into her thoughts, so much, but definitely more about her character. How did she get money to live in a nice place in a really nice neighborhood? How come she doesn't show her own work off? Etc, etc. That should help dispel some of the 'Morgan's perfect' thoughts Willow is having, although good in bed is there in Willow's head fooooorever. She's definitely latched on to that. Willow and Tara both missed a boatload of clues, but hopefully when they look back on the evening they'll be able to pick some of them out. See the response I had to Debra re; why Willow's handling her coming out the way she is (and also the update). I think at this point, disowning is not her concern (although it is a fear), it's a desire to feel complete and worthy as an equal before she goes to Tara with her declaration of love. Willow wants to be proud of her gayness, her love for Tara... if she tells her while she's still keeping it a secret.. well that's no good. Does it make sense... who knows. : Thanks so much, awesome insights.



Leafsdude Haha you came back at a really weird juncture; just in time for the pain! Thanks so much, I really don't want Tara to find out accidently. I think it'll be much better coming from Willow. M&M - they certainly are fighting now, but they love each other... definitely not splitsville or anything for them. Haha tell Pessimistic You to keep his plans loose, we are coming up on some happy times. Thanks!



VixenyTarasHot Haha, taking your time to leave feedback is not a crime. Morgan is a catch... but Tara needs more than that, you know? Glad you like Xander and oh yeah, Tara's gonna feel mighty poorly when she finds out she's been wrong about Xander. How about the roof? We can get that cleared up in two updates or less haha. Thanks Ashleigh!



YMKA Haha no evil; you're the only one who doesn't think I'm evil right now! LOL! No worries on the miss, it happens to the best. Morgan is a peach, but I don't think she's the one to blurt out about Willow. Thanks so much.



Tiggerscorpio Welcome back! I hope you're getting some time off these days. Glad you enjoyed the working-from-home reveal; I think their time at home is going to be good (with the requisite wtf angst, confusion there as an undercurrent). Good deal on the Morgan-watch scenario; not this update, but the one after that for details on what actually happened on the roof. Thanks very much for sharing your story... that's exactly what I'm going for, that real kind of 'how could I be so dense?!!?' I'm so glad it's ringing true for you. Thanks so much!





And now on to the crappy transition day....

[justin]

It's been a long time since I've posted feedback, so bad me



The party



Well you promised angst during the party and it seems that your a woman of your word.



All I can say about Willow spending all her time texting is, rude much? Though she was upset about meeting Morgan, so maybe we can put it down to temporary insanity.



It's good that Michelle is starting to work out that Willow has feelings for Tara though she probably won't be able to do anything about it due to her falling out with Marissa. Also if she isn't certain she might not push too hard for fear of being wrong and making a fool of herself.



I guess the roof incident was totally innocent. Such as Tara accidentally catching one of her bows on a branch and having to do it up again.



When looking for the last party update I accidentally read some of the feedback and in particular that Tara had overheard Willow saying something and was angry about it. So I was rather worried that she was angry with Willow. So it was very much a relief when I found out that it was Xander she was angry with.



Though Xander is part of the problem by being so noble and not telling Willow about his falling out with Buffy. If he did so it's give Willow an incentive to come out and it'd make her realise that some people do think she still has feelings for Xander so when Tara asks, "What do you think of Xander?" Instead of saying, "Oh that Xander, he's so dreamy, I luv him soooo much " (or words to that affect) she'll say, "Well he's alright but his personal hygene leaves a lot to be desired and he smells."



The next day

First question, why are Tara and Anya friends? she seems completely oblivious to the discomfort she's causing Tara, which doesn't seem like a friend type thing to do.



The talk between Willow and Tara was rather nasty. I mean we were promised a week of them together, getting to know each other. Not a week of them avoiding each other. Though yay for Tara being perseverant (sp?) and cake is always better than a Jude Law film.



Looking forward to more

--

Homer Simpson: When will people learn, democracy just doesn't work.

[seamstressofdarkness]

Ooohhhh.....sniffle.....this update might be even sadder than the party! But, yay Tara, not giving up on Willow at the end! I hope Anya's (for once) useful tactlessness has at least given her some ideas....Dare we hope that Willow takes Tara up on her invitation, and they spend the rest of the night talking in a coffee shop somewhere, clearing up the whole Xander/Morgan mess? And, something that really bothers me, why doesn't Willow just come the fuck out already!! (Sorry, had to get that off my chest!) *sigh* You're killing us, you know that.....by the time this story ends, thousands of kittens will have either learned extreme patience, or be totally bald. Anyway, fabulous update, as always....this story is just so good!



Camille

[astrangerhere]

Pray God tell me this means that there is about to be an upswing in things. I've been sick all week, and here you are piling on the angst. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm always up for some good angst, but yours is just too much. Thanks for writing (and updating so often)!



ash

Can you help me with this heart in my chest? It ain't perfect, but you should see me use it.

[meretricious]

i cyberstalked this fic all weekend, and logged on this a.m. when i really should have been in the shower, just as you were posting. so now i'm at work with not very dry hair, but totally worth it.

i really feel for willow's humiliation hangover. at least during the actual humiliation, you have all that emotion and adreneline working for you, and no matter how bad it feels at the time, it almost always feels worse in the cold light of day (not that i've ever experienced anything like that, nuh-huh). I am glad willow resisted any knee jerk reaction to buy the first condo she saw just to remove herself from the situation, even if she would totally regret it later.

nice, if much sadder, use of the "but..unoffically" line. and isn't jude law in just about every movie out right now, except maybe the spongebob flick? the black keys, now there's a musical reference i get, rubber factory very heavy on my personal rotation right now. i looked for the open on i-tunes, but it only turned up some dance trax and religious groups.

each time the "i didn't come here to be forgotten" line comes up, i channel glenn close saying " i won't be ignored, dan" gives it a very creepy rabbit stew on the stove undercurrent

so, if this is a transitional update, you are implying that it's a transtition to good things, right? i'll still be reading, either way-mary

Edited by: meretricious at: 11/15/04 6:34 am

[Arwen276]

see now the ulcers? they have tripled in magnitude! but that's because of the sadness...too much sadness!!



I was hoping Anya would be her blunt-self as usual, but seems that all her shocking-real stuff aren't phasing Tara one bit! I hope she gets some clues though!



and then Willow, she's like this close to coming out, that she's thinking of it 24/7 and even imagining surprise scenarios...I have a feeling that she'll unexpectedly blurt it! and it's all for the better!! I mean COME ON!! she doesn't like her mum much, and doesn't see her ...much, so what's to lose? and Buffy? she accepts Tara already...I mean GET A CLUE WILLOW!



I was terribly surprised at Tara's insistence that Willow goes out with her. THAT'S GREAT! I hope it's not just guilt and compassion...



can't wait for more!



~Arwen

Hear That Baby? You're My Always... Willow

[sabina]

Hi there



I know it's not that unusual for friends to go to parties together and then just go their separate ways. I have been 'abandoned' enough times to know that it happens... still when it happens in parties where I don't know anyone else it usually isn't that much fun.

Anyway I can see why Tara took Willow to the party with her even though she wanted to get to know Morgan better. I guess that one sentence from the first part of the party sums it up:

Quote:

---

Girl I might date, meet the love of my life. Love of my life meet girl I might date.

---

"The morning after" (I just wish ) was a little more akward than what I was expecting but I guess it makes sense. Willow is feeling betrayed, even though she has no valid reason to feel so and Tara is feeling guilty even though she didn't do anything wrong.



I'm disliking Willow's plan to come out more and more... Her mother will probably react badly although she probably already has a strong suspicion that Willow is a lesbian and I'm not sure if Buffy's reaction is going to be that good either...

Wouldn't it be so much better if she just came out to Tara? Please? I'll send you a nice box of chocolates...



You know the angst is killing me but I just can't stay away

You are writing a great, (highly addictive ) story You are truly a gifted writer with a knack for writing both the angst and the sweet parts

I just wish you would write a little more sweet moments and less angst



I'm looking forward to the next update

---

"I know I was born and I know that I'll die.

The in between is mine.

I am mine!" - Pearl Jam

[starcat73]

That was so sad. I can just feel the sadness Willow is feeling right now. She seems like she is on the brink of giving up because she has nothing to offer Tara (little does she know). NOW she thinks about coming out to Buffy on the phone? Too late Willow. Should have thought about that before the party.



They seem to be back where they started with Willow leaving early in the morning and Tara going to dinner with Anya so they can avoid each other. I do hope that Willow finds out what really happened on the roof (that is if nothing happened). I am really starting to wonder about that because of Tara not wanting to talk about it with Anya. Let just hope that Anya can knock some sense into Tara about Willow. They do need someone lilke Anya around who sees everything and not afraid to say so. I am soooooo glad Tara came back a second time with Willow's jacket. She should know Willow by now and can tell when she is hiding in her work.



It's early and I'm tired. I hope my writing made some sense.

You Rock !!! Such fast updates. Great ones too. You are so spoiling us. Thanks!



StarCat73

Edited by: starcat73 at: 11/15/04 7:03 am

[JustSkipIt]

Dear Tara,

Well, I hope you are doing well. I heard that you had a very good gallery show and am sorry that I couldn't make it.



But seriously... I've been thinking about it and I don't think that your dating Morgan would be such a good idea. I mean sure, she's beautiful, funny, artistic, etc. but she sounds like a little bit of a ... how do I put this? Hmmm: slut? Too harsh? Ok, maybe not a slut but it seems that if there is a general consensus about someone's sexual prowess, they must get around. Add to that the fact that she's even open to sleeping with Janene who is not only straight but had a boyfriend; I'd say she's not good girlfriend material.



Good job on going to invite Willow to a movie and then on your committment level of inviting her to get cake. Well done. Good luck. Debra



Heather - I hope you don't mind my sending this note to Tara through you. I'd appreciate your delivering it and I tried to not give away any secrets.



P.S. - I think you can take away the bolded part:

Quote:

---

Feedback: Bites lip and whispers "yes, please."

---

"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” - Martin Luther King

Edited by: JustSkipIt at: 11/15/04 7:04 am

[badkitty]

Hey Heather!



Ok, sorry I lost my shit in my last feedback. But take it as a compliment. No other fanfic has ever caused me to scream at my monitor, get up and run around the house yelling "DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!" and scare the bejesus out of my wife



So anyway, that's what I get for not reading warnings before the actual update! Still, I would've read it anyway. I guess I'm just a masochist that way. Believe me, I wish I could just let the updates pile up and read them in one sitting, but my willpower just isn't that good.



So, and woo and hoo for Tara not giving up on Willow in this last update. She's being a good friend. Poor Willow. I know exactly how she feels. I remember back in college, when I was dealing with the whole "how to come out" thing, and I was in love with my best friend/roommate. We went to this party at this guy's house, and let me tell you, he was beautiful. Very much the male version of Morgan. So I remember this one point where it becomes clear he's really interested in my friend, and she goes downstairs into the basement with him (not a creepy basement, more like a cool converted this is my funky love nest kind of basement). I hovered around the door, feeling utterly miserable and sick to my stomache, wondering what was going on down there.



Anyway, my story doesn't have a happy ending. I know yours will, so hooray for that. I'm still loving it, and you're doing an absolutely fantastic job.



More please!



gail

[snuggle79]

Biiiig Sigh. Im still feeling for Willow. And omg, her secretly looking for an own place set off my alarm bells. Not good.

I loved Anya's comments, very direct, but at least she says some true things and gives the people around her something to think about.

Im glad that Tara didnt accept a no from Willow at the end.

A soft little push was needed at that moment.

As always you left me curious for the next update!



Great work!

s79

I look at horses and I see really big ponies.

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.

[Artemis]

Take the cake! Take the cake!



(Though I have to disagree with Justin on a technicality: while cake may in general be better than a Jude Law film, I can't off the top of my head think of a cake that's better than Sky Captain, because that has Angelina Jolie in that uniform and .)



You didn't like the 'transition update'? I thought it was really interesting - it sort of filled in the nuances and subtle shades of the big, bold colours that The Party slapped down on the canvas. Particularly Tara's post-party reactions - obviously her reactions to Willow's meltdown are there, but I was glad to read more of her thoughts on the whole matter. Naturally when Willow's thinking of The Party she just goes , but Tara's got a more level head (cause she's not under the misapprehension that the love-of-her-life just made out with her rival on the rooftop), she can think it all through, and turn over different aspects of it in her mind. It's sort of the flip-side to her pre-Party worrying about bringing Willow along - now she's looking back on it, but it's over and done with so she's more analytical than fretting.



Willow's thoughts on her room were intriguing - if glum - and understandable. I liked that the fairylights were 'her' thing in this world, I loved the fairylights. But like Willow mused she really has been in stasis this whole time, caught between moving away from Tara - and finding her own place, and decorating there - and moving towards Tara. I'm thinking that Willow unloading all her 'room stuff' and decorating would be tantamount to admitting to herself, without reservation, that she wants to be with Tara no matter what. She's not there yet - I don't think she will be until she's come out, until then I think she'd feel like she didn't really deserve to put down roots in Tara's house.



Her experience checking out the other house pretty much summed it up - whatever somewhere else is, it's Not Tara's House, so it's going to seem dull and grey by comparison.



This whole waiting a week thing is really starting to become a struggle On the one hand, there's this temptation (that Willow felt) to just come out right away, and throw herself headlong into the perceived duel for Tara's affection. But then, I can see why Willow's holding firm - and all in all, I think I agree with her. It may not be easy to come out to her mother, and Buffy (I do wonder what their reactions will be - obviously Buffy doesn't have a problem with lesbians, but there's the whole keeping-it-secret issue to deal with), but I think for Willow's peace of mind she does need to come out to their faces. Otherwise she'd feel guilty about not 'doing it properly', and both her mother (despite her faults) and Buffy are important to her - she'll want to do things the right way, even if it's not the easy way. And yes, some of it probably is a romantic notion of then going to Tara as a free, self-declared lesbian - for once in this story there'd be no strings attached, just "Here I am, take me if you want me". Probably just as well, considering how many additional hurdles get thrown Willow and Tara's way - they don't need to go creating even more for themselves.



Still, though... you've got me in a bad way when I'm hoping Tara will take Anya's relationship advice Her conversation leads me to wonder though - with regard to this whole 'great in bed' thing Morgan's got going - exactly how things happened on the rooftop the night before? Did Tara turn Morgan down, or did she allow Morgan to re-tie her bows without really committing to anything one way or the other? Cause I'm wondering, if Morgan feels like she's struck out with Tara, how long is it going to be before she's off chasing someone else? It doesn't sound like the Bed of Morgan goes long without entertaining guests Could be a helpful moment for Willow if Tara - in Willow's presence - has no real reaction to the news that Morgan is dating the San Francisco Women's Baseball Team, or whoever.



Darn Anya though, I'm paranoid now that, if Willow does (by some unfathomable depth of courage and perseverance) do a little flirting with Tara, Tara's going to worry that she is looking for 'comfort sex'. Probably not going to happen though - odds of Willow being able to summon up the nerve to flirt with Tara, while she's still thinking the Hands of Morgan went somewhere they're not supposed to go? Not great.



I was very relieved that Willow elaborated - if sparsely - on why she was rebuffing Tara's offer of a movie. At least, even if the motives are misunderstood, Tara knows why Willow's not opening up to her. It's not 'she hates me' or 'she hated everything' or anything like that. 'You don't have to cheer me up' is kind of an improvement, because Tara (as I'm hoping she did) can decide, yes, she doesn't have to, but she can want to... anyway.



I'm just hoping and praying that they talk. It seems like it might be a good time - Willow's 'cried out', as she thought to herself, and Tara seems in a fairly sombre mood. I don't think tempers and emotions will be running high, so if they can just talk to each other, without shutting down and staying silent, they might actually get somewhere just by way of not having the energy to be so highly-strung as they always are at other times That's my hope, anyway - we'll have to wait and see.

Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass

A Willow and Tara for every world.

[willlovestara]

Wow kinda a sad update huh? Willow sooo needs to be smacked with a big ole clue and Tara should listen to Anya. Did I read right that Willow was looking at new appartments? I hope I mis-read it, she can't do that!! I hope nothing happened on the roof, I trust we'll find out soon? *gives puppydog eyes* Hannah.

[wimpy0729]

Oh, please let there be cake.



I really love Tara's persistence. Maybe Willow will finally see that she does genuinely care and she just wants her to feel better.



Maybe Anya did give Tara some insight into Willow's feelings, but man, when Tara said she didn't want to just have sex with Willow, she wanted to make love to her, wow, I think I melted. Tara actually said it out loud, and to Anya. I have a feeling it won't stay a secret for long now. Well, I can hope.



And ditto on the Willow just needs to hurry up and come up and quit agonizing.



Great job again!



Wimpy



"There was plenty of magic." ~ Tara

[behindhereyes]

Heather... you never cease to amaze...as always this update is exquisite . I love that regardless of us all stewing in our own angst ridden juices...you always give us hope.



and now for the goofy truth... girl, you have mad skills



behindhereyes

Kim

"To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world"

[VixenyTarasHot]

Oh man I just woke up and saw this and read it, and now I'm trying to leave feedback while half asleep.. here goes



I thought this was a really sad, but seemingly progressive update. The fact of Willow trying to compare herself to Morgan just broke my heart, and its all just irony because its Willow who Tara finds more beautiful. Oh well, she'll figure it out sooner or later.. knowing you, probably later

I like Tara's thinking about everything, and oh man the Anya conversation killed me. haha I seriously love Anya, whether in the real Buffyverse, or in people's fanfics, they always seem to make her true to herself and I just always end up laughing when she's around. That was some good levity to the story



Anyways, last but not least yay for Tara and her persistence of making Willow get out from behind her computer and have some cake!! Hopefully some talking will be accomplished.. and I dunno... just.. maybe some goodness will come from here on out



Can't wait for the next part!

Ashleigh

"...A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now."

(Starts to smile)"Right now?"

[serendipitous]

I think all the readers have to agree...this fic is fabulous and you, my wonderful writing friend, rock. What a wonderful update. Still angsty, but I have a feeling you realized that many of us were about to do something desperate because of the last update and decided to throw us a bone. I know I wrote this before, but you are so good at being able to get into a character's psyche and really reveal to the readers what they are thinking and how they are feeling.



It seems like so many comments are made about Anya and Xander. My thoughts are that Anya is just being Anya, as perusual...she's amazingly perceptive sometimes but I guess her bluntness really puts some people off. So, I wonder why Tara hasn't put her thoughts and Anya's (who apparently is her friend and should know that she's blunt and probably usually right in her observations about SEX, the little nympho )together to get a fuller picture. Maybe it's that "I want it so bad, this must be something that my mind has made up, there is no way this can be true" kind of feeling.



And Xander. This is a great role you've put him in. We got an inkling of his caring nature in the series but you really brought out his loyalty towards Willow in this fic. I mean really, someone who is able to listen to her THIS much and be THAT patient has to be a true friend. By any chance, will he somehow make it to San Francisco, play a nice part in getting these two girls together and then hook up with Anya? A well deserved snog if you want my opinion.



And lastly, thank you so much for ending on a semi-cheerful note! We all know that Tara can be stubborn when she needs to be, and this was a definite "be stubborn" type of situation. Yeah for that! Can't wait to see where this fic goes next!

[Irishgrl3]

Who can resist that invite for cake? Way to go Tara for not taking no for answer.



Tara appears to be second guessing her taking Willow to the party. It's hard to fault her for her actions though. She still believes that she and Willow will be nothing more than friends, and bringing her along is what friends do. We as readers however see their inner turmoil and question both of their actions because we so want them together.



Okay, so what really did happen on the roof?



Anya is priceless! Her comments... Introduce her to Xander and maybe that will take him out of the picture as far as Tara is concerned.



I hope Willow gets out of the "I'm not and will never be Morgan" phase. If she could only hear (hint-hint) that Morgan isn't really what Tara wants. It's disheartening to see Willow with such low self-esteem. Hopefully some good honest talking to come. Great update!





-anna

P.S. at JustSkipIt's letter to Tara. Too funny!

[littlecrazy80]

OK you are really trying to kill me here.

Anya´s comments were so funny and true. I just wish that Tara and Willow finally wake up and see what they feel for each other.

I couldn´t believe that Willow didn´t go with Tara to the movies. The cake is a great idea.



*lil´c*

"I am S-E-X-Y" Amber at the FedCon



SweetAmber ~~~ AmberBoard ~~~ Sam´s melody

[feyndem]

What’s the problem with the transition updates? I loved this one, less angst, some fun with Anya and a little bit of hope at the end. Tara is so amazing, she thinks that Willow is in love with Xander but she still tries to cheer her up. Some people need a little help to get out of the sadness and having a friend that makes that effort for you is priceless. I just hope that Willow’d stop reading the signals so badly.

A week for the coming out…it seems like a lot of time but I know it’s worth waiting.

Cake, please.

[tiger17]

I'm totally hooked on this story, no matter how much I want our girls to get a clue and finally express their true feelings I love the way you're writting this!! It's absolutely incredible, I can't wait for the next update and I certainly can't wait for Willow and Tara to finally realize they're meant for each other...I'm pretty sure everyone can't wait for the last part



Again awesome fic, update soon...please!!



Tiger

[YMKA]

EH is back.....



God....it was very very sad update (well...except for Anya's bit cuz you know....she cracks me up...."so, did ya sleep with anyone last night?" ) I'm glad that Tara didn't give up....pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease let them go.....come on.... it's going to be a week of torture......otherwise.... ARG!!!!! just let them...see!!! And let Tara listen to Anya and kiss Willow ...come on...[even if I know that's probably NOT going to happen.....*sighs]....



Can't wait for next update



Thanks





M.

[alysagoddess85]

dear lord will it never end?! ok so i know theyre gonna like..talk and be all happy...or at least friends again..or something..whatever they are...grr...they need to figure this thing out!! throw me in the fic and ill slap some sense into them!! ooo thatd be fun! hehe.



~mel

'The Cat in the Hat' is fine, just not during sex.--Alyson Hannigan

[veiled isis moon]

I love Anya, she's so funny and straight to the point and i found it really amusing how she just couldn't seem to move past the whole Tara-sleeping-with-someone thing.........had me in bits.........laughing to myself like a crazy person.........not a word you, i'm totally sane.....most of the time!



These parts are so hard when everything is so up in the air and they don't know how each other are feeling or why or what to do. I'm glad Tara didn't just leave it like she usually does when Willow gets all avoid-y, she keeps at it until she gets a better response. Things are definetely moving forward........maybe her chats with Anya and Willow's recent behaviour are finally hitting the part of her brain that tells her to get a clue!! We can only wish...........*sigh*........



More, more, more please..........me can't wait!

[WickedReds]

ARRRGGG!!! .... anyways.. why why... but ooo cake... umm yeah... not forming any good words here... how frustrating... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!



-reds



Mein Banane tanzt für Schmutz

Smutbunny Anthem: *sung to tune from Goldfinger* Smutbunnies...they'e the bunnies, the bunnies that love the smut...and Willow's butt. They surf for smut fiction...always lookin' for the next naked sweaty fix...of Tara's tits.- Written By Cameron(tarawhipped) For Us Smut Bunnies

[onlyhalfevil]

Hehe hey again, I'm staying, I'm posting. But please excuse me if I don't comment much later..I'm a 'more comfortable in the background' person. That, and I usually have nothing different to add, hehe, such a lot of compliments and in depth analysis already! Yes, there are a bevy of fine fics on the board, I've read quite a few in my months of lurking, unfortunately they are mainly completed fics or the authors have gone MIA. It's sad, which is why I was (and still am) very very very happy to come upon your fic!



Anyway, great update. I loved how it started, having that thought before Tara even woke up invoked a kind of surreal feeling. The memory she's trying to suppress is a fascinating mystery. Who and what happened? I know someone mentioned it before too, and I believe all will be revealed in good time..hopefully soon.



I always like Anya bits, and this one was hilarious.



More misinterpretations, you sure make W/T suffer! But I guess that's two of the things that make them so loveable, all that beating themselves up and being too considerate for each other. And the best thing is, you write them doing all that so genuinely believeable. Also I'll admit that I love well-written angst as much as sweet/happy/romantic stuff..maybe I'm masochistic. But either way, I'll savour whatever you want to dish up!