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This is a sequel to a sequel and the story it’s a sequel to has a prequel and a prequel sequel, You’re getting spoilers now if you read due to still not being convinced however I’m going to say you don’t need the other stories to read this. And before I say why I need to do something with the utmost respect.
*Kicks adult confidential off the podium of favourite confidential, kicks spikeme4now series four behind the scenes off the top of the go to reread list, kicks leonhart17 off top choice Tara fanfiction author list, Combine all podiums and construct a mega podium, dust it down and plate it in platinum and delicately place Family Confidential Episode II on top.*
I’m sorry but I’m going into online recipe mode in telling you my life story before giving the answers but there is a purpose. You might already tell from my other reviews but I have a strong bias in this relationship and Tara is my focus. I watched Buffy for the first time this year and thought it’s a one watch and done deal. Wrong. We are all in the position of real life being less than desirable and I found as it went on Buffy becoming a fascinating distraction and it was imaginative and fun while hitting some great topics genre shows do but never get credited for. It makes my mind tick and brought out the old creative in me that had long suffocated. Then ‘hush’ happened and in came Tara Maclay. It wasn’t until ‘tough love’ when it all clicked and I did know what was coming for the character but I couldn’t stop it. I’m absolutely head over the heels obsessed with this character who for the first time in my life I saw a character in media where I felt represented. I’m 100% nothing like Tara in so many ways but it’s an emotional representation.
It pained me and still does knowing the ending for the character. It caused me to analyse so much into the character. Here we have a decent person in amongst a bunch of people who in real life if they were on fire I wouldn’t piss on them. They are selfish, manipulative, egotistical and think they are the centre of the universe (there’s a hell mouth in Cleveland guys, not just Sunnydale), it’s their way or no way and everything thing else is wrong. This one character who is no more than a plot point for the most part somehow centres them all and injects heart. Not to say they didn’t have it before and the characters do all have fantastic qualities, bravery, loyalty, the ability to laugh into the abyss. Whether intentional or not Tara was the humanity of the Scoobies. She was the touchstone that connected them to the pain and reality of their actions but also the joy and light in their lives.
Yes its twenty years old but I wasn’t going to stand for it and had enough. Good people on TV is so rare unless they go down a dark path and redeemed to validate their good nature. Dude you still massacred that playground of kids, it’s not ok because you said sorry and felt bad for a bit. Tara needed none of that and I felt there was so much injustice. Justice needed to be done for the character.
So I turned to fanfiction. Little did I know I’d find what I was searching for in a fifth instalment of an AU story described as smut and fluff. You really do find what you desire in the most unlikely of places.
Family Confidential Episode II is Laragh’s ode to Tara. It is one long love letter that makes her shine brighter than I’ve ever known. You cannot tear a character apart so forcefully and without restraint without having so much love for them.
So if you don’t want to read the rest of the ConfidentialVerse but you are a Tara Maclay fan looking for justice for the character then please read and hopefully praise Laragh’s amazing work of Family Confidential II. I normally don’t say so many words to say so little but you get it? (If not, it’s the best Tara character profile that will probably ever exist) This is Justice for Tara.
Right let’s get to it shall we.
Dark Laragh rises! I wondered what the outcome would be if Laragh gave into the darkness and the answer is magnificent. From start to finish totally transfixed, completely captivated. Don’t worry though because it is the ConfidentialVerse house style. It hits hard but yet it still feels loving and you know the relationship will give a comfort. Now some will be disappointed as Laragh forgoes smut with this instalment however regardless of my personal preference for no smut, Laragh makes the absolute right call in removing it because it explores a different kind of intimacy.
At this point the girls have been together for well over a decade and built a life together. It’s hard to explain but the way I see it is when they get together but before the smut it’s like a candle being lit and you have that small flame. Over the years that flame has been nurtured and has expanded to a hearth. They have a responsibility to keep it going to keep everyone around it (friends and family) warm. This instalment explores that hearth. It does struggle to provide the warmth at parts and the embers spluttering about threatens the flames sustainability however the people around the hearth stoke the fire at its worst pushing them back together, it’s a deeper love with experience. There’s still the blue humour and you can 100% still feel the passion and desire they both have for each other.
Now I thought Adult confidential shredded the characters apart but compared to FC2 it is a paper cut that didn’t even bleed. I’m going to have to go through it individually and then bring them together because Tara has a great story as does Willow and Willows is cleverly crafted in Tara’s.
Tara- To start we are given what was weaved through Family as a little joke to start with and then becoming more serious and with the epilogue of FC it’s pretty clear for Tara it’s something she needs to do. Straight up we know we are in for a rough ride as Willow rebuffs Tara’s wants for another child. Creating a tear in their relationship as they aren’t in step with each other for once.
Willow – The way I can see it is Willow doesn’t mean to deny Tara’s needs. She never leaves a Tara craving unsatisfied. I think at this point in time she sees them as equal in the parent stakes as she carried Robyn and in her mind JJ is Tara’s as she carried him home, all be it in a baby carrier and not a womb but its still the sense of Tara brought JJ into Willows world. It’s not denied with insensitivity but this sets the tone for her story of being on the back foot.
Tara- Getting pregnant. Now this is where things really get started for the tone of Tara’s storyline. If your heart breaks here then good luck getting to the end. We get a murmur of what’s to come later on in Tara’s feelings of being a failure and Willow hating her. The hormone treatments make Tara, I won’t say punching bag more like pin cushion for Willow. It’s all calmly reasoned with though as Tara knows what it’s like to go through it. This is where pregnancy correlations stop though. Multiple failed attempts set Tara’s mind-set that her body isn’t enough, that she isn’t enough and I thought ‘two months earlier’ was where Tara broke and would be her lowest point. The complete emotional detachment just painstakingly poignant to be from our wonderfully emotive Tara. Laragh has other plans, this is just the starter and Tara’s back story so far is the bread for the table.
Willow – There’s no doubt once on board she wants this child as much as Tara she can understand why her wife needs it adding even more importance that this works. The hormone treatment she does throw it in Tara’s face that she’s the reason she’s doing it but this is the back foot coming out. She is doing it for Tara of course she is but it’s the other side to the pregnancy Willow didn’t experience and she is naive to. It’s one thing to see the effects it’s another to feel and as we know Tara always tries to hide her pain which she did do for Willow during her hormone treatment as much as she could. Willow was also the one use to getting the phone calls from the clinic however due to work, family and life Willow isn’t there for all the calls of devastation so there’s already a feeling of not being completely attached to the process like she was with Robyn. Add in some guilt because she got pregnant first time bringing in the first echo that Tara might resent her.
Laragh works in the big notes of this entire piece with subtlety. It’s great writing for that reason but also the pure emotion in just short snippets of time going from one disappointment to another but still capturing all the process.
Tara – Pregnancy. The elation of the moment is truly earnt with all the build-up. This is where the crack widens in the relationship and it’s also where Tara really starts to feel a failure. Laragh’s research yet again goes to great use here because we’ve just entered a roller-coaster that likes to drop and keep bouncing up and down. First we have bleeding, Laragh wouldn’t give Tara a miscarriage after all that would she? But this is Dark Laragh she might. Nope it’s good just a bit of hanky panky consequence but let’s throw in twins and up the ante for this pregnancy. Then the witty “of course your eggs would be over achieves line” after all the pain Tara gets a double happy. But that means double sad because boom we’ve got gestational diabetes! It’s like complication bingo over here so why not throw in a near death experience with an out of control dump trick leading to an impossible ultimatum.
Willow – relief, she wants this so much for extending their family but also for Tara. Willows core in this story is her love for Tara and while the complication bingo throws her through hoops and she does react with panic or overbearing smothering. She can’t imagine anything happening to Tara she refuses. If anything goes wrong it’s on her and this is where the responsibility really piles on with family care, work, looking after a pregnant wife and housework. The pressure mounts on her shoulders but she can’t share with Tara because no heavy lifting allowed. Willow had a straight forward pregnancy and so while she tries to give reassuring camaraderie to Tara it’s the naivety setting in again to the situation because while it’s still a pregnancy it’s a whole different kettle of fish. It really hits home when Tara is having a bath and says the babies are floating and Willow says they are always floating but Tara responds saying its different. I don’t know if it’s intentional but with that exchange Laragh does spell it out that while they are sharing an experience, they are on a whole different hymn sheet.
While the core of this story fades away from the extended family characters and focuses mainly on Tara and Willow, Laragh still crafts in characters that help aid the emotions that the girls have to explore, in particular Tara. She dives into her past to aid the present, there’s shocking revelations and the impact of just being kind to an elderly neighbour. Excellent side lines to stabilise the future story progression. Dark Laragh has served up the fish course now on the Pallet cleanser.
Tara – Ultimatum, This is where Dark Laragh turns the heating off and lets the chill in wafting from the avalanche she’s about to unleash. If your heart isn’t broken yet it gets a heavy impact. Tara shows her complete selflessness on a golden platter all be it placed on the shattered nerves of her traumatised wife after thinking she saw her crushed to death. If it comes down to a choice choose the babies. That’s Tara completely raw there. Its shows exactly how much she wants these children and I think in Tara’s head she is taking one bit of worry off Willow so she doesn’t have to make the toughest decision.
Willow – Yeah Willow reacts in the exact way anyone should in her position. This is the moment where that crack is now chipping off the varnish around it in their relationship. The back foot is firmly placed as this was not a situation she was thinking of. She never wants to think it. A choice between her soulmate and her offspring. It’s not a case of Willow wanting to choose Tara over the babies it’s the fact of her choice if she agrees is completely taken away from her. A very very nice detail Laragh put in there that will later be returned to Tara.
Now I hope you’re comfortable because we’ve just done the easy bit of this story. Now we are onto the main course and things turn truly ugly and dark Laragh makes Tara absolutely stunning, This isn’t punishment to make someone suffer and relish in the torment, no, This is ripping everything away from a character to show their inner workings in the most horrific way possible to show exactly who a character is. Laragh shows the light and dark of Tara in ways I have never imagined and it is exemplarity.
Tara – Birth – Now we already know Tara is struggling physically and mentally. Physically due to the sheer effort it takes to carry twins, let alone have complications that weaken your body if not kept on top of. Mentally because of her physical ailments she doesn’t feel she is helping as much as she should with her family and the fact she isn’t in perfect health means she has that feeling that has never really left since the failed conceptions of she’s not good enough. What can Dark Laragh do now you ask (unleash the avalanche!), lets stick her in the lift making Kimberly from CC look like a saint when locking Tara in the toilet. Not enough? Let’s put her in early labour while stuck in the lift. Not enough? Let’s have the babies’ life in danger. Not enough? Let’s have the most blood curdling cry you will ever know (it’s written but you can hear and feel It.) seriously not enough? Let that curdling blood spill out in a haemorrhage. Not enough? Let’s take out Tara’s womb. I meant it when I wrote ripping. Dark Laragh how could you add to this, oh yeah there’s two parents.
Willow – The pressure is really on Willow now as the realities really are at the forefront now accepting the ultimatum, everything has to go right. Willow and pressure has its limits and taking the hormone wrath pregnant Tara along with the having to constantly make Tara look after herself as well not just think about the twins, the kids, work, life, She starts to crack with snapping back at Tara. Little does she know her wife’s in a lift. This is the biggest set up for Willows emotional story going forward and it starts with an angry phone message. Willow is just along for the ride during Tara’s ordeal, Willow has been doing her best keeping everything together to this point but everything is out of her hands now. She sees her babies struggling and her wife dying. The ultimatum is here and Willow being the smart one she is realises there’s no choice anymore, her world is crumbling around her and all she can do is watch.
Tara – Hospital stay – Straight off the bat we are met with a violent Tara. That’s an oxymoron. It’s a feral state if anything indicating trauma from the birth. Poor broken Tara shattered into a million pieces completely disconnected from everyone. She can’t look after her kids, her body has failed her babies who she can’t even see and she’s failed Willow. So much for feeling useful eh. So with all that she doesn’t even come into the picture of thinking about herself. That’s her core right there with everything ripped away. Dark Laragh shows that core we normally see as beautiful and we are shown it in the most grotesque way. Cold, curt, dismissive, judgemental and sad to say her attitude is repulsive towards Willow. But Dark Laragh knows how to create such wonderful moments to bathe the core in light to show it’s not all in shadow. It’s a kick in the ribs in a good way when Tara finds out she is giving her milk to the twins. That’s the first speck of light that indicates she might not be a failure however her mental health toll means it’s soon snuffed out and just added to the fixation on keeping the twins going.
Willow- Now I have to say I’m not knocking Willows part in this story, its clearly phenomenal but I have trouble understanding her inner workings out of canon as her strength comes from intellect and magic (facets of power) so I have to fall back on the one thing Willow and Tara both get strength from which is other people and most importantly each other. Ira and Michelle are MVPs for Willow and JJ is excellent helping with Robyn but in her own way she is completely alone. Willow and Tara are a unit so when one is lost so is the other and with the coldness of Tara, Willow is just trying to do everything that can she can that might make Tara feel better. Yet on top of this she has very ill new borns, scared kids at home and worrisome parents. How she manages to get dressed is anything but a miracle but she holds it together for Tara while falling apart herself. It’s like you’ve super glued the cracks of a mug but the glue isn’t strong enough so you slowly watch the broken piece fall away with the globs of glue stringing in between. Those glue strings are the relationship between Tara and Willow at this point. Its strong stuff but the pieces are going in two very different directions despite being one mug.
Tara – Home time- This is where things are meant to get better and while she realises she has JJ and Robyn to look after you kind of hope this is the breakthrough for Tara but Dark Laragh strikes and a near kick to the gut and taking the monitor from Emily by Robyn only makes Tara’s fears worse. Her body maybe healing but her mind if descending into oblivion and she can’t say anything completely trapped in her own mind and the only person she could try to connect to just inflicts the trauma all over again. Anyone else feel like crying in the basement along with Tara at this point? But after the 3am wakeup call from hell Tara shows her inner strength in best way I’ve ever known. It completely over shadows the bench scene with glory in ‘tough love’ and the start and end of ‘Tabula Rasa’ because she says the hardest three words anyone can ever say “I need help”
Willow - For Willow everyone under one roof is meant to be an ease to her burdens. No longer spread between the hospital, parents and home. Everyone together is meant to be a comfort and the routines will return and everything will work themselves out like she hopes. Dark Laragh instead makes her the loneliest Willow probably has ever been in an almost a cruel way as she can see everyone she loves and yet the one she needs is there but she isn’t. Willow can juggle everything but without Tara it’s pointless. The worst part is she thinks it’s her fault because of a voice message and letting the doctors save Tara’s life. The one person she knows best in the whole wide world and she can’t fix it. She is completely lost without understanding why Tara is behaving how she is which ultimately makes Willow question if Tara even loves her anymore.
Tara - Getting help –With the accepted support of Willow, Tara does get help but it’s only the beginning and Dark Laragh makes it clear no path is an easy one by giving Tara a panic attack before her first session of therapy. There’s no instant cure but Tara can now recognise her triggers which just happens to be her wife. Ashamed Tara doesn’t have an open dialog with Willow about everything that is going on in her head which leads to Willows lowest point in her life.
Willow – Supportive and trying her best to be there for her wife. Her psychology degree is out the window as actually experiencing it is different to any textbook. So now her intellect has failed her, piling on to all the pressures she has that still are only growing. Dark Laragh strikes possibly her hardest blow in the entire ConfidentialVerse, Willow finds Tara unconscious with an empty bottle of pills in her hand. Anyone else just felt their powdered heart remains just blow away in the wind? Willow doesn’t know Tara’s state of mind as she is still bottling everything up from Willow and so naturally Willow comes to the conclusion that Tara has tried to take her own life to leave her kids, to leave her soumate. Willow chooses in this moment to fight harder than she ever has before nothing else in the world matters she needs Tara.
Now I can talk about them together as we are licking the plate clean from the tastiest main course you’ve ever had. Dark Laragh now takes her hand off the broken mug after applying some pressure and the glue strings are no more. Tara realises she has everything to live for and sees the damage she is causing and agrees to full help and is completely honest with Willow which in turn Willow does the same. A weight is lifted off both their shoulders and what kicks it up another gear is they are also honest with their kids. Laragh demonstrates excellently the way things should be surrounding mental health with the rose and thorn game around the table. We see Tara working hard on herself and in a much happier place and Willow feels at one again with her soulmate, knowing whatever she does to help Tara that they are doing it together like it always was since the moment they met.
The dark veins are completely lifted from dark Laragh as she treats us all to the sweetest of desserts in the epilogue. It encompasses everything the ConfidentialVerse has built to and it feels so much sweeter because of how deep down they’ve been throughout FC2. You have to know the lowest of lows to appreciate the highest of highs. This is what Laragh delivers. The roller-coaster starting at Tara’s pregnancy is now all the way up reaching for the big pineapple. If the epilogue was the last chapter in the ConfidentialVerse (don’t worry it’s not) then readers can rest their eyes easy knowing all is well and a future of happiness awaits. Everyone’s destroyed heart pieced together now? Yes, good.
I’m not going to begrudge the time skips any more. Reading in the comments that the door is being closed on the ConfidentialVerse in a few short instalments which fills me with the complex sadness of Standing/Under your spell reprise, the sadness knowing its ending but the joy knowing there’s still some time before the forever break. (For sods sake I watch it every day and it only just clicked reading over this review that Giles and Tara both leave the series well Giles kinda, Joss is a monster it’s like the actors begging for their jobs when on the last stay with the camera on both of them. Still the best duet going though.). Sorry got lost there. I will embrace some Tara mentality and look at them with hope that one day maybe if Laragh gets that itch to return will fill those gaps.
What FC2 adds to the ConfidentialVerse as a whole is a refocus on the staring couple. FC brought everyone in and there’s an army of extended family which while all purposeful it made it very loud. FC2 echoes CC in so many ways in which it has Tara and Willow and other people trickle in where needed but they don’t take any spotlight from the couple only point it at them. CC is the flame and FC2 is the hearth and side characters sit around in the warmth and help where they can but they don’t need to catch the wax and be a buffer for gusts of wind like in CC. Becky deserves an award or medal or something as she’s been there throughout it all.
For canon fans you get the best Tara and Willow lines from the show ‘Family’, ‘The Body’, ‘The Gift’. All used in a way that has the impact and meaning of the original use but in a new context which adds more depth to the quotes.
I’m sorry to go through everything but I couldn’t pick a chapter to focus on, everything is so poignant and to pick one would be unjust to another. The worst thing is I’ve been writing this review for the past three days (on and off) and I haven’t even scratched the surface of what’s to say about this masterpiece. This is one of the best things I have ever read. Laragh’s insight, research, maturity, talent, love and everything I’ve previously mentioned is all here and it pays off to no end.
I know I’m late to the party but I really want to throw in my 2 pence (think I’ve already chucked in a twenty hehehe). There was some rumbles of annoyance at Tara in the comments and I completely get where everyone is coming from but for me Tara’s actions made sense. Allowing the kids to eat and drink in the car while definitely it is undermining Willows decision I think it comes from a place much deeper for Tara. Now they are doing so well it’s easy to forget Tara came from a home where she struggled for food and so often went hungry, her whole parenting style is not to make her kids feel like she did so the idea of letting her kids go hungry or thirsty even if only for a short car ride is something strongly ingrained. Also we later know Tara’s mental health is suffering so it could well be an early indication of her growing unhealthy delusion of she might be letting her kids down.
Also in the comments there is annoyance at Tara’s behaviour towards Willow after the birth. Now I’ve already written my personal note before I reached the mental health portion of the story so I’m going to follow the example set by Laragh and Will’s redemption and speak openly about mental health to try and explain my understanding of Tara at this point. I’m agoraphobic (not officially diagnosed so don’t take my word for gospel) but I can kind of picture how and why Tara is the way she is with Willow. Now there’s no logic to mental health things just are in the persons head. So for me I have a safe place where I trust and know I’m going to be the safest, then I have other places I deem danger zones where I just won’t go to because I associate it with bad emotion. You also have places where they have no connation to them but regardless it sets off the fight or flight reaction and I will constantly be looking for a place to escape. These places are easier to navigate with a safe person who you associate with the safe place but person form. I will however still be focused on an escape route so the safe person can be talking to me but I won’t take it in all I’ll be thinking is how to get back to my safe place.
So for Tara, Willow is always her safe person. But due to the PTSD from the birth Willow is associated with her bad place. So just the touch sets Tara off however she is also the only person she trusts to look after the babies which are Tara’s focus. If Tara is unable to look after them she knows Willow will, even in her mental state. On top of this Tara has all the self-hatred, her body is broken, her fertility has been taken away from her, and she has no contact with her babies who have been a part of her for the last 6/7 months. There is so much going on in her head. 100% it isn’t an excuse but the safe person is someone you just know there is less risk if you lash out at them. It’s horrible and unforgiving but in your mind you are counting on them even if you don’t realise it so if they fail you or do something you aren’t expecting/wanting then it shatters that one bit of comfort so with Tara this does come out as coldness and rather bitter revolt towards Willow. Props to Willow though because she is there and even if she is insulted and hurt by Tara, it still shows Tara no matter what Willow will be there for her when she is ready. Willow shouldn’t have to put up with it as she has so much on her plate as well but the unfortunate truth of life is we have no control over what happens to us but we can control what we do when faced with it. Willow chooses to bury her head in the sand about Tara’s mental state hoping it will just get better and she focuses on everything else and no one can blame her for it which is why things Tara says and does sting even harder because she isn’t seeing it as an illness she’s desperate for her safe person while in her danger zone of the hospital but also in a world without her Tara, that Tara cannot be at the moment.
Personal Note - I am adamant in not selecting a chapter in this instalment because it is all just so URRGHHH! Words cannot do it justice for how it is, so primal guttural bellows of emotion will have to do. I have to point out something in particular in this story though because as I said in Family Confidential Laragh transcended there and went on to social commentary. I think she does it again in Chapter 17 pg3. It would be remiss of me if I didn’t piggy back on it because in a story that hits like an out of control dump truck, the conversation in between Becky and Tara hits like a double whammy of dump trucks.
I don’t know and I can’t even comprehend what it’s like in real life to go through any of what’s going on in this story and I feel this is diluted to the true extent of what it is like but loss surrounding pregnancy no matter if you wanted it or not should never be kept silent. It doesn’t matter what or when it is, be it natural, medical, choice, no choice, infertility, post birth, during birth. Your story matters. You are not being an inconvenience or moping and bringing the mood down. Your story isn’t something to be politicalised or have judgement made about it. It’s exactly what it says on the tin, YOUR story.
There is so much in the dark about this issue, people keep quiet and see it as taboo. If you want to keep quiet then that’s fair enough and your choice to do so but if you want to talk about it then do. Speak out and let it be known in any way you see fit. There’s a fantastic platform here to tell your story through Tara and Willow, There are outstanding charities out there and most importantly there are your friends and family. We have no idea who is suffering in silence and just by speaking up and making a non-taboo subject that has gone on since the beginnings of humanity known, you could be helping someone without even knowing. Your story matters.
*Steps down from soapbox and turns off the light as I walk out.*
*Pop head back in while light flicks on*
Forgot to say the recipe – prick the film and pop in the microwave for 5 minutes 30 seconds, peel off film lid and stir, put film back on and in the microwave for another 4 minutes. Make sure it is piping hot throughout before serving.
*Lights off, back out the room towards FC3*
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