The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Fic: A Buffy Christmas Carol
PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2002 11:13 am 
'Ello kitties!! Well i just finished this and thought i'd post it here. I hope you all like it. :)

---------------------------------------------

Rating: PG, i guess.

Spoiler: Nope. None. Unless you're blind and don't know Willow and Tara are a couple, or that Buffy and Faith are made for each other....but you all know that.

Thanks to: TrueXena and the Christmassy type challenge fic thread, on the kitten.



Pairing: W/T, B/F, X/A

Season setting: Season 4. Christmas time



A Buffy Christmas Carol.



Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Summer's house;

Not a creature was stirring,

Not even a mouse.



Buffy: I thought Amy was a rat.

Me: Yes, she is. But does rat rhyme with house?! No it bloody well does not!

Buffy: Okay, okay. Jeez, no need to get all Giles on me.

Me: Will you just let me finish?

Buffy: Fine.

Me: Thank you.



The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hope that the Christmas witches soon would be there;



Buffy, Faith and the rest of the Scoobs were nestled all snug in thier beds,

While visions of singing demons danced in their heads;

With Buffy snoring away, and Faith dream of a long Summer's trip,

Had just settled down for a long winter's kip;



Buffy: Who says kip anymore?

Me: Will you stop interrupting me!!

Buffy: I'm just asking.

Me: Well, don't. God, slayers. So bloody nosey.

Buffy: And there you go with the Giles thing again. And really, no one has said kip in, like, a hundred years.

Me: Oh for the love of....just let me finish.

Buffy: Okay. Go on with the story. (Sarcastic) Please, i just can't wait to hear the rest.

Me: Just shut up.



When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

Buffy sprang from her bed to see what was the matter.

She picked up a stake, her eyes streached wide,

Tore open the curtians with Faith at her side.

Buffy looked out the window, to see what was there,

Faith looking at Buffy, her eyes filled with care.

When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,

But a minature sleigh, and eight tiny raindeer;



Buffy: Shouldn't it be, i dunno, fairies or something?

Me: Listen, i just want to make it rhyme. I'm no good at doing this sort of thing and this is my first attempt and a 'making things rhyme' fic so just let me-

Buffy: They're not really called that, are they?

Me: What?

Buffy: 'Making things rhyme' fic....they're not really called that are they?

Me: (Through clenched teeth) No, they're not.

Buffy: Why'd you call it that then?

Me: (Rolls eyes) I'm just going to ignore you and continue.



With two drivers, so beautiful and all dressed in red.

With very short skirts, and hats on thier heads.

They looked at eachother, both smiling the same,

And the redhead turn to the raindeer, and called them by name;



"Now Minerva! now Merra! now Cupid and Coelus! On Jupiter! on Juno! On, Apollo and Aurora!

To the top of the porch!

To the top of the wall!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!



Buffy: Huh? What happened to Rudolph? And Blitzen, and Comet?

Me: ......

Buffy: Hey, Jenny, what happened to Rudolph?

Me: ......

Buffy: Hello?!

Me: God! You really don't take a hint do you?! I was trying to ignore you, but you're so annoying, you make it impossible.

Buffy: Me? Annoying?! You're the one telling a story that makes no sense. I mean, who ever heard of Christmas witches? And what happened to Rudolph?

Me: I don't care what bloody happened to Rudolph!! I'm just changing it to fit Buffy!!

Buffy: Me?

Me: The show!! Your show, you pillock!!

Buffy: Pillock?

Me: Grrr.....



The raindeers took flight,

Up into the sky and almost out of sight,

With the Christmas witches cuddled up in the back,

And the heavy, toy filled sack.



And then, in a twinkling, Buffy and Faith heard on the roof,

The pracing and pawing of each tiny hoof.

Suddenly Buffy turned around, stake in hand,

Down the chimney the witches came with a bound.



They were all dressed all in fur, from their heads to their feet,

And upon Buffy and Faith's bed, did they take their seat;

The sack of toys did they then take,

From over the blonde witches back, a happy Christmas they were sure to make.



Their eyes - how they twinkled! The blonde's dimples how merry!

Faith, smiling, handed them micepies, and a bottle of sherry.

The redhead took the micepies, the blonde took the other,

And then the witches handed Buffy, presents for her mother.



Buffy: When do me and Faith get pressies?

Faith: Yeah, i want presents.

Me: Will you too just wait!!

Buffy & Faith: Okay.



The blonde took the sack and pulled something out,

Buffy shreiked and Dawn shot up in bed wondering what the fuss was about.

The redhead got up, and went to Dawn's room, a wink of her eye and a twist of his head,

And soon the girl knew she had nothing to dread.



Dawn: Aww, that was sweet.

Faith: Huh?

Dawn: Coming in to let me know everything was okay. That sounds like something Willow would do.

Me: Uh huh. Can i please finish?



Theye spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,

And filled all the stockings; then the blonde turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside to her nose,

And giving a nod and a brilliantly bright smile, up the chimney she rose.



The redhead put two presents on the bed,

And kissed Buffy and Faith, softly on their heads.

She asked Buffy to give the pressies to Xander and Anya in the morning,

Because she and her girl would have to be out of sight as the new day was dawning.



She rose up the chimney and sprang to her sleigh,

Her eyes half closed, it had been a long day.

She sat next to her girl and wraped an arm around her;

And said; "You know what? To this cold i say brr!!"



Faith: Do you know how lame that sounds?

Me: Yes i am quite aware of how lame that sounds, but can you think of anything that rhymes with her?!

Dawn: Murr?

Buffy: Purr?

Me: Okay, fine. I'll re-write that.



She rose up the chimney and sprang to her sleigh,

Her eyes half closed, it had been a long day.

She sat next to her girl and wrapped an arm around her,

Miss Kitty, who sat on the blonde's lap gave a little purr.



Dawn: That's sweet.

Buffy: Yeah.

Me: Okay, I'm almost done....can you please, just let me finish?!

Faith: What's with you? All Little Miss Grouchey.

Me: I hate being interrupted.

Buffy: We got that.



With a swish of the wand and a quickly said spell,

They were up in the air, the sleigh moving, ringing the bell.

Then Buffy and Faith heard them exclaim, as they drove out of sight;

"Happy Christmas to all the Scoobies! And to all a goodnight!"



End.





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 Post subject: Re: Fic: A Buffy Christmas Carol
PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2021 11:02 am 
Offline
10. Troll Hammer

Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2021 2:34 am
Posts: 1170
Topics: 131
Dubs Festive Advent Challenge - Day 1

The breaking of the fourth wall with Buffy really gave the impression of a impatient child trying to wake you up one minute after midnight because its now Christmas. A rightful grumpy response in return.

And the offloading of Christmas presents to give to friends and family. I don't know what it is about the time of year but apparently someone you have one present for suddenly becomes a carrier service for all the other presents. I'm only going to ASDA . Yeah well relatives we barely interact with are in that direction. Yeah two hours away!

And Little Jewish Santa makes an appearance. Why she thought getting someone who just had open brain surgery a hat that then gets weighed down by drinks was a good idea I have no idea. Bringing the notion of inappropriate gifts. Like anything at an office party. No Barbra I don't want this phallic shaped pasta.

Yeah I'm definitely getting that Christmas feeling from this story.

Challenge aside, its a brilliantly funny piece. I can imagine it as a Buffy children's picture book for December bed time stories. Great work with the rhyming and the show references throughout, poking fun at any opportunity.

Bonus points for the use of pillock.

_________________
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You don't have to write to contribute to the board, feedback can be its own event - Dubs Festive Advent Challenge - Fic Club - Pens Write A Holiday Story
Existing at some point, maybe - The Justice for Tara series.
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