The Questions and (un)-Answers game

[ambercissism]

A: They all went to Brokedown Mountain to kiss.

B: Why did it took me 3 minutes to construct the question for this thread?

[kindagay]

A: Because, unbeknownst to you, whilst you were posting you were actually abducted by aliens, they kept you on board their ship for approximately 26.8 earth hours before going back in time to when they abducted you and putting you back. Of course, whilst the alien boss wasn't looking, one of the alien interns had been pressing buttons on the time machine, and they actually returned you three minutes after they'd abducted you.

Q: What should I get my mom for her birthday?

[Emms]

A:a set of stake knives and a plastic hat that hold's up to two of her favorite beverages.

Q: Why can't I ever remember to flip the calendar when the month is over?

[dark_chylde]

A: saddle your flying horse, fly over the mountains through various countries to the little garden to get an apple from the appletree to keep the witch out of narnia.....

Q: Why do natural redheads love to wear pink clothes?

[pacou]

A: Redheads do have the natural "love-to-wear-pink-clothes-gene"!

Q: What's a gulugulugulu?

-Viv-

[watty]

A: the original inhabitants of Woolloomooloo.

Q: What's the difference between love and lust?
[br]

[GayNow]

A: 14 feet, 5 inches

Q: How many ways are there to skin a cat?

[FineyMcFine]

A: Contrary to the conventional wisdom, there is only one way to skin a cat. (My way.)

Q: How many is a google?

[watty]

A: one more than a colony of poodles.

Q: When does a quorum become a majority?
[br]

[Candleshoe]

A: 10.06 am on the 27th June 1982. Just after chinese gooseberries became kiwi-fruit. In fact, it was because a quorum became a majority that the change was voted in. By the way, other changes that would never have happened if a quorum had been present: Opal fruits would never have become Starburst and Marathons would not have been "re-branded" as Snickers. Also, I would not have bought the hideous bed linen that looked cool in the shop.

Q: Should I be pleased that the road company are re-surfacing my road for three weeks, or cross that access to my house will be difficult?

[FineyMcFine]

A: You should be worried, because it's all an elaborate setup so the feds can spy on you.

Q: Why does reverse psychology work?

[Candleshoe]

A: It doesn't, 'they' just want you to think that it does....

Q: What is 7+2?

[watty]

A: too many cooks.

Q: Why is it that laundry is never-ending?
[br]

[Candleshoe]

A: Because socks are like a circle in a spiral - like a wheel within a wheel, never ending or beginning on an ever-spinning reel, as the images unwind like the circles that you find in the baskets of your mind.

Q: Why is this board more interesting than being asleep, considering it is 2am here?

[ambercissism]

A: Coz this board is full of goodness!

Q: Why am I still not sleeping also, when in fact it's already 330 a.m. here?

[oneyedchicklet]

A: Because the sandman ran out of sand right before he got to your house. He had to go back for more and fell asleep himself.



Q: Why do dogs run in their sleep?

[WillowRTaraM1]

They're not running.. theyre swimming. After the dinosaurs were extinct and before humans evolved there was an entire species of canine fish.. this trait carried over but it only kicks in when theyre asleep.

Why does my 15 dollar candle that smelled in the store now smell like nothing when I burn it at home?

[Artemis]

A: It's nervous. Candles comminucate by scent, much in the same way that dogs use urine to mark their territory (only much more complex, and not involving urination - candles are civilised beings, and know what the bathroom is for). A candle in an environment it's accustomed to, with other candles it knows, will continually broadcast a veritable symphony of chemical clouds, discussing with its peers such topics as the weather, politics, local sporting teams, and how lightbulbs are cheap and nasty and no substitute for a proper candle as a light source. But if you take a candle and put it in a strange room with no-one it knows, it will naturally shut up and cautiously assess the situation before speaking up to anyone.

Q: Why is a bastard sword called a bastard sword?

[FineyMcFine]

A: Because you think the sword-maker made it, but it was actually the stable boy.

Q: When is a spade not a spade?

[watty]

A: When it's on stage with hearts, diamonds and clubs. You see, spades have stage fright. Not to mention frog fear.

Q: Where did the busman go on his busman's holiday?
[br]

[Artemis]

A: The Institute for Bikini Studies' first hypothesis was that it was the polka dots that were yellow - a natural assumption. However once a field team tracked Her down and, thanks to a miniaturised remote-controlled vehicle with a camera, managed to get a look inside Her underwear-and-swimwear drawer, it turned out that it was in fact the bikini that was yellow, with white spots. While searching for the bikini among Her wardrobe, the Institute's robot rover also relayed visual confirmation that She wore a raspberry beret, Her boots were made for walking, and that She had the look.

Q: Is a horse with no name inherently better at going through the desert, or does it make no difference?

[oneyedchicklet]

A: Yes, its common knowledge that horses with no name can go through the desert better than horses who are named. They are actually searching to find what their names really are.

Q: Why does time go faster when I'm not working?

[nerdbert]

A: It's a law of physics that working hours stretch out around 48.4% more than leisure hours.

Q: How do Smurfs reproduce with only one female?

[Candleshoe]

A: Jokey gets very upset when people assume she is a guy. In fact, she is just a little bit butch......and she and Smurfette reproduced with a turkey baster and some Smurfsperm they bought on eBay. The AFA are currently petitioning to get the Smurfette pencil cases out of shops before children realise that blue is an acceptable face-colour.

Q: Who buys padded clothes hangers?

[in_my_closet]

A: Padded clothes-hangers are a secret underground organization designed to undermine government authorities, one hanger at a time. The people who buy them are working on this secret initiative, and thus need as many padded clothes hangers as possible.

Q: Why is Monday the first day of the week?

[ambercissism]

A: Because GArfiedl hates Monday!

Q: Why do i need to go to bed now?

[Candleshoe]

A: Because gravity exerts it's pressure on you while you are awake, but the time you spend horizontal allows you to strecth out again. If you don't lie down right now, you will end up the height of pumpkin.

Q: Why do tissues come in "man-size" boxes?

[FineyMcFine]

A: Because when you've used all the tissues you can put your man in there.

Q: What caused the decline of the Spanish Armada?

[watty]

A: Ice cream. The Spanish decided to employ a new chef for the armada, who, in his mistaken belief that feeding the troops ice cream will cheer them up, ended up making them so fat that the fleet of boats became slower due to the additional burden.

Q:Where does my lap go when I stand up?
[br]

[Artemis]

A: Lapland, obviously. Laps prefer to spend their off-duty hours in a suitably cold climate, seeing as their work often involves being heated up by having hot dinner plates, laptop PCs, or amorous people on top of them.

Q: Given the relative scarcity of purple cats, why is Catwoman's traditional outfit purple?