I'm throwing this out there to gain some of that lovely and informative Kitten feedback. I've been researching literary agents of late and have found that most ask for 3-5 pages of your novel in question to be sent along with your query letter. Now, assuming they want to read anything beyond that letter, I suspect many don't make it through those 3-5 pages usually. I would think they would probably know if it was a definite yes or no within the first page. So, what I'm posting below is the first page of something I'm working on. Nowhere close to done, not even a title, but I'm wondering if I'm on the right track. If this was sent to you, would you want to read more of it? If yes, please tell me why. If no, also please tell me why. No one is going to hurt my feelings either. I need raw honesty here. I trust Kittens. Thanks.
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“Elden! Oh god, Elden! Don’t move!”
“What happened?”
“Call an ambulance, my partner’s hurt! Elden?”
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this!”
“What?!”
“We were just supposed to make you guys look bad. No one was supposed to get hurt.”
“He’s stopped breathing! Just call an ambulance! Elden, hold on!”
Briar Conklin slid out of her 1978 Winnebago and looked down the battered stone path leading to the Smithton mansion. Faded moss green turrets reached toward the purple Massachusetts evening sky. The black wrought iron fence surrounding the front of the manor was crumbling among tangles of ivy.
Briar shook her head in dismay. For 200 years the Smithton mansion had been the social center of Civil, Massachusetts. Deals were made, marriages were set, informal town councils were held, all gossip and any politician wanting to get elected all passed through the dining room or parlors of the Smithton. There was as much history in the house as there was in all of Civil. Maybe more.
All of that had changed seven years ago though.
The family matriarch, Angelique Smithton, had died from what the county coroner had termed “extreme old age.” Released from the old woman’s iron will, what few relatives that remained had scattered to the four winds with their inheritance. The mansion had fallen to a grasping, petulant grandson. He chose to live elsewhere.
Briar climbed back into the Winnebago through its side door. She surveyed the electronic equipment stuffed into almost every available space and only haphazardly organized. She grimaced as she thought of Theo Smithton.
He had called her one night from his New York loft. He was spectacularly drunk and let slip that he was looking for a way to make a lot of money with minimal work on his part. Briar had swallowed a, “Fuck off,” and encouraged him to sell the house to the town historical society, but he had had a grander scheme.
Theo had seen her on one television show or another. With blonde hair, blue eyes, a girl-next-door face and three books published about her ghost hunting adventures, Briar was the hot topic in paranormal investigating. He wanted her to investigate the Smithton – on camera – and then he would begin charging for ghost tours.
It had taken every ounce of willpower Briar had not to tell Theo Smithton what to do with himself. In the end, her lifelong curiosity about the house and Theo somehow coming up with the exorbitant fee she had quoted him led her to agree. But only if an initial investigation was conducted off camera. He had readily agreed.
Failing light sputtered in through the back door of the Winnebago and Briar looked down to see her best friend and business partner Eri Levenson regarding her with his ever present grin.
) butch, she perhaps presses her lips together and runs her hands through her hair - allowing you to descrive her hair: color, style, etc.
Thank you for your suggestions. Starting with the flashback was never my idea actually. The local writer that I've been working with suggested it and I wrote something very unencumbered to see how it would turn out. Obviously, I'm the only person that knows all these people and their relationships to one another, so posting only a first page makes it hard to give feedback and again I appreciate your time because of that. This is my NaNoWriMo project now and a completely different page one has presented itself to me. I'll return to the flashback, but it may be in a dream form later. Thanks again for your suggestions. I've written several of them down.