Random Scribblings

[little miss 666]

Okay, so here i am, real tired and hopin to start up a thread. Hopefully i'll be able to do it this time, last time i was 2 retarded



Anyway, this'll be full of random (usually sad) things i write or think (mostly write, i dont think a lot) thus the name, random scribblings.



*prays a silent prayer* please Mr/Miss/Mrs/Ms Moderater person, let me have this thread lol.



I wrote this a while back:



Untitled



I hate the way you make me feel

When we’re not writhing in the twilight hours

And even then I always appear

To be just another of your addictions



I hate the way you make me feel

When it’s just us, together, but alone

Dirty, tainted

In a way I am

Because I let you in

I always let you in

I

Can’t

Help

It

Because I love you



I hate the way you make me feel

When you tend the wounds you yourself have made

And I inadequately stand by the bathroom door

Watching

Waiting

For a sign

Any sign

That you still love me

And know it’s okay to ask for my help.



Help.

I will help you.

I always do

Because despite the pain it pressures on me

I

Can’t

Help

It

Because I love you

End of story.







- The Bellness



PS: i have no idea what i'm doing so apologies to everyone if i've someone made a booboo



PPS: feedback is extremely welcome, needed even! If i suck just tell me to go away.

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

Edited by: little miss 666 at: 11/23/04 5:40 am

[Wired vixen]

Hey there! Its all good, great poemness and thoughts there, can we get more?!



Stace xXx

[angel of salvation]

hey there, don't cower over there in the corner, that was a great poem! Hope you post more soon.



Jess xxx

'You're my angel of salvation, and hope, and strength...your my multi-angel'-Jay (My baby)

.:~*My anime site*~:.

[onyxsundrops]

Wonderful poem, and I liked the style you wrote it in.



Yvonne

[little miss 666]

awwh, thanks guys! shucks, way 2 make a girl feel loved.



okay, this one i wrote only a few weeks ago, kinda darkish, hope you dont mind.



The lies within



I sit on a stool

In a dark lonely place

Restricted

Restrained



A monster slowly licks my soul

Biting down

Swallowing slowly

Sinfully slowly.

Savouring.



I struggle in my stool

In my dark lonely place

Where my monster

Plays



Beautifully wrong

It nibbles away

At my worth

Sucks away all the good inside

Replacing it with selfish

Want



Remember to leave

Some morality there.

Tease.



"Don’t do that

Don’t think that

Don’t

Ever

Want that"



My sin and my sense

Playfully struggle

As I thrash in my stool.

Desperate.



Tied down by my sense

I scream

And scream

And scream



For release from my burden

Redemption from these lies



For this frightening

Remorseless

Selfish creature

To slay its needs

And die.



I scream

And scream

And scream



...."lies"



........"lies"



............"lies"

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

[onyxsundrops]

Very, very nice. The darkness is a bonus, well-done!



Yvonne

[Renee85]

Hey, a new thread! And I don't mind the darkness at all, in fact I welcome it with open arms.

These are great Bell, you've posted two very well written and lovely poems that I love very much.

Thanks for this and hopefully read more soon.

__________________

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." -Mahatma Gandhi

[Wired vixen]

Wow...some great description there!

Quote:

---

A monster slowly licks my soul

Biting down

Swallowing slowly

Sinfully slowly.

Savouring.

---

I really felt like i was there, see they're amazing!



More soon i hope!







Stace xXx

"Um...dont mean to ruin the sexcapades...but we need the chips out there. Xanders being a chip whore." -She's my always by spikeizmine87

[angel of salvation]

Woah and woah again! Great poem! I love the darkness of it, I'm all about the darkness sometimes mwahahahaha



Post more soon please!



Jess xxx

'You're my angel of salvation, and hope, and strength...your my multi-angel'-Jay (My baby)

.:~*My anime site*~:.

[little miss 666]

Okay so first, let me just thank all of you for all your awesome feedback. I did some serious blush time lol , i don't usually show any of the things i write to people.



Now i promised myself i wouldn't update twice in one day but bah! I can't stop myself haahaha, it's nearly midnight anyway so I'm almost not breaking the rule. Anyway, okay, the first one i wrote a few months ago when i was going through things and in a little pain.



The second one is sort of different, it's rhythmed and differently constructed than my others. I wrote it at the beginning of the year when i was also in a lil pain.





Hope you like:



Hands



I sit

Meditate

The anger hasn’t left me

It bubbles deep inside

I only let it out

In moments when alone



Just me and my bag

I hit till I bleed



Till my gloves are stained with sweat and blood and hate and pain



Must remember

To wash them quickly

So mum doesn’t know

Never finds out

About my anger

Or even worse

The reason behind it



I do not picture your face

I picture your hands

Dirty hands

Infecting me

Making me cry

From the force they hold

Making their way

Down my arms

Legs

Stomach

Neck



Making every cell in my body

Filthy

Wrong

Stupid whore

(who said that?!)



Pause in my assault

Heavy breathing

My body aches

And I eye my battered bag

It’s going to break soon

Everything’s going to fall apart

And I’ll have to clean it up

Alone



Peel off my gloves

Examine my hands

Bleeding

Wet

Grazed

Used.



I begin to cry.



Your fingerprints are everywhere.

Could you not have stopped?

Seen what it was doing to me

And gone away forever.



Picture my mind

My soul

My heart

Battered.

It’s going to break soon

Everything’s going to fall apart

And I’ll have to clean it up

Alone



I wipe at my cheeks

Stinging hands leave blood on my face

Pink tears stain my skin

And I begin to hit again



I don’t hate you

But I want your hands to break and bleed

Just like mine









_________________________









Faithless



Soft, I listened to the sultry strum

Of your mouth blessing my ears

Letting me cry from the beauty of your sound.



For I was deaf before you



Radiant, you tentatively stepped out of your world

As I watched from afar

Letting me cry from the beauty of your sight.



For I was blind before you



Clear, without judgment you offered true speech

Taught, without trying, the right way of thinking

Letting me cry from the beauty of your voice.



For I was dumb before you



Solid, substance, which I touched but once

A stray brush whilst walking past

Letting me cry from the beauty of your touch.



For I was numb before you



Screaming, in searing pain

I watch you walk away

Oblivious as ever to my aching hurt

Letting me cry from the beauty of your change

And the sting it ultimately caused.



For I was nothing before you

And now



You are gone.





Thanks for your time

- Bell

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

[Wired vixen]

Wow, i really do like these poems, they're so vivid, well done!

Quote:

---

Must remember

To wash them quickly

So mum doesn’t know

Never finds out

About my anger

Or even worse

The reason behind it

---

I know how that feels, mums eh?

Your second one was great too, the repetition of 'for i was' had a great effect overall, well done again!!







Stace xXx

"Um...dont mean to ruin the sexcapades...but we need the chips out there. Xanders being a chip whore." -She's my always by spikeizmine87

[SJ]

Great poems,thanks for sharing

[numbered words]

Dude...Bellness.



Overall...wow. Very nice. I feel special 'cause I saw one of em way before anyone else did! *HAPPY DANCE* Wahoo for me



And can I just tell you that I am absolutely in love with Faithless. It was just..just..I can't even explain it.



Keep it up, Bellness. I'll try to do the same



-Kristyn

[little miss 666]

alrighty, so, after many problems trying to figure out what the hell the answer to my secret question was lol, im finally here posting a few new poems.



First off, once again, i'd like to thank all of you for all your feedback, it definately makes my day to know someone likes what i write.



I gotz three poems, the first one was my attempt at rhythm poetry, the second one is just a short emotion piece and the third is the result of me not editing my poem and just writing until i ran out of emotion. So, none of them have names and here we go:



Hit the wall

Go through it all

Give it up

You’re not so tough

Not strong enough

Not what she wants

So why even try?



Frustrated, defeated

Warnings go unheeded

You told yourself not to fall

Without a safety net

Copper fills your mouth as you hit the ground with regret

Empty tears are all you’ll get



Chastised into learning

This too specific yearning

Isn’t healthy, isn’t smart

Wanting something you can’t have

Always leaves you in the dark

Such a child

How could you not know

What all this shit would do to you?



Hit the wall

Go through it all

Give it up

You’re not so tough

You’ll never be strong enough

It’s not what she wants



Don’t kill yourself trying.



You’re not all she’s got

So stop

Stop

Trying







_______________________







Stare into space

Look away

Don’t even think about what will happen

If you don’t



It’s over

It’s finished

It’s done

You’re done

Walk away

And let it be



Don’t even think about what will happen

If you don’t





_______________________







And I screamed out

From every bridge

Every building

On earth

That I needed you

And your voice

But no one ever heard me

Because you never came



And I waited

And I waited

And then I waited more

Until I was burned with fervour

From a corruptful star

Until I was scarred with loneliness

From a secluded moon

Until my want and my resentment and my folly all became one

And I knew I truly loved you



I waited until the day

I finally saw you



And I hated you

For loving her

And I hated me

For loving you

And I hated everything I ever felt

That was even remotely about you



I hated it



Because hope was the only emotion

I could possibly name

Whenever I thought/touched

Breathed/longed for

Loved

You

And I let you touch it

I let you touch me

Get past my barriers

And scrape at my heart

Wear away at the layers

I’d so painstakingly put up



You broke them

And in doing so

You broke me

And let the truth seep out

That I’m still waiting

On a building

On a bridge

Stripping my throat of its layers

Wanting

You



I hated it

I hated you

I hate you still

Because I love you







___________________





Thats it for now



Humble thanks for reading.





- The Bellness

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

[angel of salvation]

Bad me, missed some updates. But I shall now leave some:

Great poems! I loved Faithless. The whole:

Quote:

---

I was deaf before you, I was blind before you, I was dumb before you, I was numb before you

---

Woah...

Dark and loving and *tries to think of other things* all in one. Wooh! lol Also, the other poems were just a great.



Post more soon!



Jess xxx

'You're my angel of salvation, and hope, and strength...your my multi-angel'-Jay (My baby)

.:~*My anime site*~:.

[Miss Evanescent]

*reads thread* Lovely poems

Not quite broken but i'd still like to be fixed

~Me

[little miss 666]

hi all, how've u been? good.....good



awh thankee's everyone for all your wicked feedback!





This is the part where the name of this thread comes into play, these are just a collections of random scribblings i've written lately or not-so-lately. I haven't edited any of them and i don't usually read them again after i write them, so, yea, sorry if they're crap, I hope you enjoy...







When I close my eyes

You’re everything I see

And every song that I hear

Becomes about you

In one way or another



You follow me around

Floating in my head

When I eat, when I sleep, when I shower

Get under my skin and lay there

So I feel that you’re close

But can never touch you



And I run out of oxygen

When you start to tease

So innocent in your intentions

You don’t know what it does to me



You don’t know what you do to me

Or even if you do

You don’t take it seriously

And that

Is a problem...







________________________







My hands burn

When I remember touching you



My breath dies

When I see you before me



My body twitches

When you give me the time of day



My heart screams

When you fuck me around



But I never know

Whether its from joy or agony



Maybe it’s both

Yes

I think it’s both



That’s what you do to me

So stop fucking playing with me



Give me a final answer

Because you are my heaven

And without you

I’m in hell





__________________







I find it ironic

That I feel the weight of you on my chest

Crushing me deliciously

Heavy against my heart

Slowly suffocating

All reason within me

Simply by your presence



And yet

There’s nothing but space

Where I swear I feel your imprint

Just space

Empty space

And the feeling

That I’m being broken







Thanks for your time and ofcourse your feedback lol.





- Bell

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

[SJ]

Great poems

[Wired vixen]

Wow, i liked them all! Soooooo GREAT! I liked the last one the best, with the pressure n stuff.....



So.....more!!







Stace xXx

"Um...dont mean to ruin the sexcapades...but we need the chips out there. Xanders being a chip whore." -She's my always by spikeizmine87

[little miss 666]

Right, at the moment i'm supposed to be drawing up tables for a leadership thing i've got tomorrow, but i stopped tableing and felt like i needed to write sum stuff.



Only two short pieces, nothing good at all, i need to edit and change and make them different.



Hope you like







I just remembered

Something you said

Something you told me

You said ‘I’m yours’



Well.



Where the hell did that go?

Did it disappear back into a thought?

Did it crawl away in shame or fear?

Did it dissolve from your lips when you stopped your questioning?



I think it did.



And I’m sorry

I wasn’t there

To at least try to keep

What could have been mine



I’m sorry

I didn’t fight

Didn’t speak

Didn’t tell you what it meant to me



I’m sorry

I gave up on us

Before we even were.



I put a bandaid over what I felt

And now the wound is seeping through



There you sit

Oblivious

Once again

To everything inside me



I’m left alone again

And no, the wound

Will never heal





__________________







If every tear I ever cried

Amounted to anything other than hurt



I would soak them in a cloth

And send them all to you



If every drop of blood I have ever spilt

Resulted in anything other than emptiness



I would bleed my body dry for you



If all the stories and all the words

I have ever spoken

Measured up

To anything

At all



I would write them all to you





I would give

Everything of mine

To you



If it was worth

Anything

At all













Thanks alot for taking the time to read





- Bell

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

[gabbles]

Holy freaken wow, Bell, your poetry is damn amazing.



Like...really amazing. It all blew me away. I'm sitting here with my mouth open thinking 'oh god...that was...a.m.a.z.i.n.g'.



It was so raw, and powerful, and honest and just damn wow. I was reading them, and making notes of things to say about each poem in my mind, but my minds now forgotten them all because there was so much I wanted to say about the brilliancy of each of them that it ran out of room.



One that really got under my skin was "Hands".



I'm not sure why it grabbed my attention so much, but it did.





Just me and my bag

I hit till I bleed



Till my gloves are stained with sweat and blood and hate and pain



Must remember

To wash them quickly

So mum doesn’t know

Never finds out

About my anger

Or even worse

The reason behind it





........wow......



I want to quote more from it, but then I'd just be putting the entire poem down. That one really spoke to me.



The second one, was the last poem you just put. After reading about the tears, the blood, the stories, the last line was extremely powerful



I would give

Everything of mine

To you



If it was worth

Anything

At all







Like I said, your poetry and style is amazing. I found tears in my eyes while reading some of these.



Wow.



I can't wait to see more from you



*hugz*

~Gabs

[little miss 666]

holy mufflers batman! Thankyou so much for that feedback gabbles lol, you've like completely made my week with that lol. You've got no idea how good it feels to be able to touch people with the things you write (oh wait...i forgot, you're the person who controls the wellbeing of my heart with her stories...hehehe)



Thanks to all the heartliftin' feeback i keep gettn, i'll post a good few poems and scribbles to keep y'all occupied hehee.





Hope you like!









Sunlight gathers, surrounding our den

Raping the room of the safety of the dark

I wince.

It’s bright

Too bright.

There’s too much can be seen in the harsh light of day

But your presence soothes me

And I once again allow myself to melt away



Lost

In the heaven of your kiss...







________________________







I can’t tell you

Because I know what it will do

It will ruin you

Ruin us

Ruin this fragile friendship

Kept from being deeper by my fear and awkwardness around you

Because all I want to do is touch you

Kiss you

Love you

Until neither of us believe in anything anymore

Because of the rapture that we feel



I can’t have you

And it kills me

So I keep my distance

Mind my space

Stop my advances

And hold myself back

Away

From you







_______________







Just One Second



Dirt

Under your finger tips

Harsh and scratching

Burns

Wash it clean



Dirty

Under my skin

Slimed and filthy

Burns

Wash it clean



Wash me clean

From my sin

Forgive me for my stupidity

For ever giving up



Never trusting you

Not even for a moment

Yet letting you touch me

Burn me

Hurt me



Thinking

For just one second

“I quit”

“Have your way”

“Take what you want”

“Get off on my skin”

The way it smells

Feels?

Whatever it is about it

That you like so much

Take it

I don’t want it anymore

Just leave the rest of me be



Forgive me for my sin

My weakness

My mistake



Grant me absolution

Please!

Without it

I am lost





___________________







I –                 me, myself, this person here that has come to know, want, trust, you



Love –                 a feeling, emotion, an action, an attraction, want, deep affection for



You –                Beautiful, wonderful, clumsy, dorkish, geeky, perfect, you...







____________________







I can’t listen to anymore songs

Because I made all of them about you

And they all make me hurt

So badly..



If only you knew

How much I thought about you

How much I still think about you

You’d probably chuckle

Think it sweet



Well fuck you!



Because this isn’t a game

This isn’t a fucking game

This is my life!

And you’re fucking it up

So stay away

Because I’m not strong enough to lose you again...







Thanks so much for your time..



- Bell

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

[Renee85]

*Just finished catching up from reading all the wonderful poems*



To go back a few posts, just thought I’d say that I really loved ‘Faithless’ the best, there’s something about it, can’t really explain it, I just really adored that one.



Radiant, you tentatively stepped out of your world

As I watched from afar

Letting me cry from the beauty of your sight.



Maybe this is why I enjoyed it so much, these are beautiful lines.



As far as these latest ones, wow, they’re just as lovely. Keep up the good work, hopefully I’ll read more soon, and thanks a bunches for sharing these. :-)

__________________

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." -Mahatma Gandhi

[SJ]

Great poems

[Wired vixen]

Dude these were amazing, i am emotionally moved from those last ones! I could feel how it was to be in that position, and thats powerful stuff!

Ya gotta post more soon!







Stace xXx

[little miss 666]

hi guys, thankyou so much for all your kind words! I can always rely on you to fix up my crappy days. And i promise that one of these days i will actually do individual reply's lol, as soon as i stop being a lazy ass!



Wow, i'm feeling the pressure now, gotta keep up standards lol. Three poems today, the first is just a ramble, the last two, inparticular the last one are now, and will always be, extremely close to my heart.



I really hope you enjoy, i'm kinda nervous about posting the last two:





I hate what I’m letting you do to me

Staring at your picture

Soft lyrics strumming my hopes along



Longing



For even a scrap

A moment

Of being in your presence



To smell

To touch

To see

You



Without reservation or restriction



These thoughts

Fantasies

They play me

Waiting until I’ve almost had my fill

And then disappearing



Leaving me wanting more..



I hate

What I’m letting you do to me







___________________









I think I died

When I heard your voice.

Pleading.



“Please”



You made me ache

With everything I was capable of feeling

No, more



“Please”



And then I was saying it

Without knowing why

Something inside me needed to speak

For whatever it was you were asking for



An issue of submission?



Because even without touching me

You made me burn

Without even meaning to

Without even knowing

You had me ready

To be owned



Yours.



So there we were saying it

Together at last



“Please”



I said it again

Pleading my need



“Please”



And the moment it happened

I felt that I died

It was the only plausible explanation

Because I was beyond alive

Beyond living

I was everything in that moment

Wanton

Everything



Yours.





________________







I cannot say no

And although my body longs for it

I cannot say yes



I can neither condemn nor condone

What you’re doing to me

What I’m letting you do

What I’m wanting you to



Beneath my skin

I know

That it’s dangerous

I know

I should end it immediately

Because although you find it amusing

And somewhat sweet



I live with knowledge of experience

So I know

Beyond doubt

That this game

This dangerous play

Will end up breaking me

Beyond repair



Again.



I cannot put myself through that

Ever

Again.



I promised myself I wouldn’t fall like that

Ever

Again.



So I ask..

..I beg



Please!



Don’t play with me that way

Ever

Again.



Unless you mean it









Humble thanks for taking the time!



- Bell

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

[Spikeizmine87]

bananas bananas!! YOU GET BANANAS! And a sheep!

Awesome set of poems! I really liked the first one!

Quote:

---

I hate what I’m letting you do to me

---

It was like yeah it was like that! Write more write more!!!!

-rose

I didnt know what being happy was till i found you, i didnt know what love meant till i loved you.

[SJ]

Great poetry

[onyxsundrops]

That last one was amazing. Simply wow. Great job.



Yvonne

[VixenyTarasHot]

You know.. I have like 30+ pages saved in Word of Bell's poems. By far.. one of the best writers I know.. and her shit is just.. it's totally real. And I know that for a fact.. it comes from emotions and experiences most people probably never face.. and she puts it towards these awesome poems.



I really don't even know what exactly to say.. you all have read the poems, you all already know they are good.. it's just.. yeah.. Bell you know what I think of them.



So I hope you keep up your good writing no matter what emotions you get from.. certain people... Cuz honestly.. SO good.



Wuvoo bellie bell *huggles*



Ashleigh

"...A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now."

(Starts to smile)"Right now?"