Okaaaaaaaaay! After months and months and months of me neglecting to leave you the feedback your astonishing poetry deserves, bell has entered the building.
Part of the reason I’ve been avoiding this is coz its just so freaking painful to read
I find myself shedding tears over most of these..
so! with that said and without further ado! Let the feedbacking commence!
Fading
As soon as I started reading that I knew for sure that you wrote it when you were really upset; it just resonates with such an emotional and pained quality..
the internal conflict and sense of self.. well.. betrayal I guess.. is so palpable.. it’s like you couldn’t be more angry and disappointed with yourself for doing this.. my favourite part is a little random but I think the imagery and the way you’ve organized it is just something truly special:
Quote:
(as) She takes ahold of you
Bends you to a shape
She's satisfied with
But that is not even a shell
Of who you could be.
Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch…
*sighs*
Right, next is
FallThis poem can without a doubt be described in one word as epic. Every emotion and image and direction you take it in is just pushed to the very brink of description, it’s really just.. truly an amazing thing to read. That’s looking at it from an analytical point of view lol, lookin at it from a normal point of view just makes me.. *sighs* hurt..
I get this image in my mind when I read this, its weird an kind of anime-ish (
yes i know im weird) and its of this girl and her hair is being whipped out of shape by a really fierce wind and despite what she’s going through, throughout the first lines of the poem in my head she still appears to be solid and strong. My favourite line in this poem breaks that illusion completely and beautifully
a sob catches in my throatsix really simple words.. nothing obviously special or complicated.. but without even trying you’ve managed to create a layered and powerful sense of sheer vulnerability and hurt that sends pangs straight to my heart each time I read it… I find that with a lot of your work the most simple lines and thoughts are the most painful and it’s within that that you’re sheer talent as a writer shines though. I love it.
As a final note on this piece I find the use of the word ‘ravaging’ in this section to be really touching:
Quote:
That I had to fall
Over steep and neverending drops
To end its ravaging torment
On my suffering soul.
It’s very interesting that you used that word to me, it’s conjures up images of just being completely torn apart and quite literally defiled by your emotions, like memories are forcing themselves upon you in a very physical way. Wow.. *sighs* amazing.. really lil g, just, amazing..
Verse really really got to me.. I could barely finish it coz it just hurt so much
Everything about it.. it doesn’t scream with pain, in fact it does quite the opposite, it doesn’t push its meanings onto you, it just is, and every single line delivers so much pain.. it makes me feel like my lungs have collapsed and there’s a little man inside my chest with a hacksaw beating away at my heart.
These bits really hit hard, the things they imply, the way they make me see things.. they just.. they really hit hard
Yet, you know what?
I just can't find it in me to care...
I land so heavy, so lifelessly,
And its like I'm not even there.
My bodies just so numb to it all,
But nothing like my broken soul...
Fingers tremble as I scratch my skin
Mind twisting laughter into fears. Lovely bit of rhythm to finish it off, in, of course, a truly desolate illustration:
Quote:
Your hands attempt to sooth my shivers
My stomach turns to stone
As I pull back from what isn't meant
Crawling back into shadow to suffer all alone.
Mind was a pleasure to read, I really loved the topic, uh.. not to sound morbid or anything
I just find it intere- *looks at everyone looking at her like she’s insane* OKAY NEVERMIND! God *sighs* I really loved this bit:
Quote:
I seat myself upon the floor
And curl within myself
And I feel how my soul tore
At the realisation
So painfully real
That I'm trapped in this room
Alone, fate so surreal,
Bound within my mind.
Firstly just because I think that the word ‘bound’ is really cool, don’t u? I mean common! ‘booound’.. ‘bound!’ it’s so provocative. Secondly because the idea of being trapped within your own mind intrigues and interests me, overall this was a really good read, I loved the beginning, such an awesome way to open.. it’s like you’re bringing the reader with you.. sucking them in. very very well written gabsypants *claps* you’re one of my favourite writers, famous and other. Almost no ones words can touch me like yours can, you’ve got true talent in my mind.
I don't know... was again one of those poems that really spoke to me.. it’s always so painful when relationships you thought were unbreakable just fall apart on you.. *frowns and hugs you* it hurts..
When scanning over this for a favourite section I felt inclined to copy the whole thing
so in the interests of saving space (coz Lord knows my feedback takes up too much anyway) I’ll just paste my absolute favourite:
Quote:
And I never knew all this was possible
When in relation to you
So I avoid your eyes
I avoid the comfort that had held me since forever
Once upon a time
In a land now so far, far away...
’the comfort that had held me since forever’… *smiles* its such a lovely line.. so true when regarding the person you’re talking about. I wish it wasn’t happening between you two.. but I have to say, your literary description of it is truly haunting in it’s own individual melancholy and beautiful way.
ooooh my lord woman
Untold Ending is a collection of verses that I WORSHIP *feels the English-freak side of her break down and drool puddles* mmmmmmm… alliteration..
There’s such a sense of war in this piece, of battles and casualties, thousands of losses and the stupidity behind them. A very clever way to end it, I loved that you brought a sense of repetition and a kinda ’things turning full circle’ element to it. It does to much to portray the world as a never ending cycle of looming darkness, and ugh, your vocabulary was just perfect, using the right words is so important in poetry. To me this is a very interesting and almost professional piece, it’s not a bunch of pretty words and clichés thrown onto a piece of paper and called a poem, its really just.. wow.. it wows me
YOU WOW ME! *grins* awesome work G.
To me,
Too Late seemed like just one thought, stretched out and described in detail. Like, most poems tell a story or you know, talk about stuff
aaah im sorry my brain is mush atm I’ve had a hard day
yes bell.. poetry talks bout stuff! Good for you! aaarh, ANYWAY! Back to what I was trying to say!
When one first starts to read this, it appears that you are taking your reader on a journey, telling a story, but you’re not. You’re describing a thought, or an occurrence rather, and because of the specific amount of detail and description within the stanzas your reader gets lost within them for a while, but before they know it.. you’ve fallen and its too late. It’s like your allowing your reader to experience what you are.. I know that’s how I felt when I read it at least
I was expecting more, something else to happen.. but alas it was too late. Far, far… too late... *smiles*
and finally! Last but definitely not by any means least!
Leaving.
In my opinion it’s a real ‘coming of age’ type poem you know? You’re moving on from your past, starting a new chapter of your life, but although you’re moving on, everything that you’ve been through.. all the pain and such.. it hasn’t left you, you haven’t forgotten it, in fact, it’s one of the reasons you’re going, its something to spur you on in moments of doubt. I really like that, you’ve used a truck load of loaded language (forgive the amateur term
its thanks to my yr 7 English teacher pounding it into my brain a gazillion times) anyway! You’ve used a truck load of that to let the reader know in a nutshell why you are leaving, but then instead of a positive ending, it’s one of reminiscence..
I love poems with a kick in the shins at the end and this is definitely one of them.. so naturally I really loved this, very painful to read.. the kind of pain that goes with regret.. very touching, you’ve got such a way with words, just enough to describe, not too much to get carried away.. a perfect mix of description and direction.. take a bow miss Lloyd you’ve definitely left an impression on me!
now you havent updated in too long! Write me more! cept uh.. happier stuff
please?! in the interests of my health
im serious.
- Belli XxX