New Fic - Neverland

[TromDeGrey]

How many ways do I love this fic? You make a rainy evening into something so warm and sensual and wonderful. I must admit though, I was hoping Willow's "help" with Tara's painting problems would be a little more hands on. I love all their flirty little interactions. It's like being a fly on the wall. Sometimes I almost feel like I'm intruding in some way on them. Now that's some amazing writing! Fuzzy sweatshirts, wooly socks, romantic lights, soft music, touches, smiles, hugs... It's such a humid feel to it all. Languid!!! That's the word I want!!!! Languid. See, not only are you stretching my musical boundaries, you're getting me to use all of my vocabulary too. Awesome, awesome stuff!







Edited to add: 40 Gigs!??! I don't think the entire hard drive on my office system is that big!

Trom's Brain: Rubbing the World the Wrong Way

Edited by: TromDeGrey at: 12/2/04 12:54 pm

[Dexter23]

Hey...

Like everyone here i'm sorry to hear about your dad and I wish you and your family all the best during this difficult time. It's nice to see that you have so much support here.



This fic is just....wow....I am completely, utterly and totally addicted to it. I swear my girlfriend is going to break up with me if I don't stop checking this site everyday....well every half day.....ok every 30 minutes.



This last update felt like things were getting close between our lovely ladies...but I have an awful feeling that things can't possibly be that good....somethings gonna go wrong...various misinterpretations etc. Either way I can't wait for what happens.



No pressure to update though, take your time and most importantly take care of yourself.



All the best..



Hannah x

[noho]

Once again I'm blown away, and wondering what other gay music is on Willow's "Real Me" playlist.



Hang in there

--------------


"And they say one person can't make a difference."

[illusivekae]

Heather, my thoughts are with you and your family.



Mmm mmm mmm. Never in my life (except that one time in April) has a story affected me so physically that my breathing became uneven. The chemistry in this update would have made Mendeleev jealous. The interaction in the kitchen oozed of domestic bliss; Tara seeing the unpacked Willow-room was promising, sans the 'somewhat uneasy' feeling on Tara's end - what's up? Is Tara still thinking it'd be best for Willow to move out?! Here's hoping that Willow's One Week Plan To De-Closetation doesn't provide much time for the worst possible scenario to rear its ugly head. Knock on so much wood. Speaking of which, I loved that rickity chair. Initially, I thought the rickityness of it would result in Tara-fallage, and Willow-catchage, and possible landing-on-bedage (okay, that's getting annoyingage). But the scene couldn't have played out more beautifully. It was extremely interesting to see one of the gals accidently let a thought slip out; that'll give Willow something to analyze for the next four or five updates. And Tara's invition to stay and hang out, and scooching closer while looking at the laptop, and pulling Willow to lay down beside her (adorable, by the way) - all potential indications to Willow of Tara's interest. But Tara's stutter, and Tara leaning back when Willow was leaning in will only confirm Willow's fears that Tara isn't interested in her. Ooooo, you are sooo good. Favorite sentence this week:

Quote:

---

Only, in a good, not dying cause a major organ's blown up sort of way.

---

HA! I love this story; I loved this update. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Heather. -Erin

[hermitfish]

Really enjoyed that update...I so love the splendid detail you weave into each new segment. My two favorite from this part were Willow's super planned hook hanging and her large music collection (hey...she almost rivals mine ). Continue with this at whatever pace is suitable for your situation...you know the story will be front row center with your loyal fans waiting patiently.



~Cyd

---

What is love but whatever my heart needs around

~Trespassers William

[hondosfirst]

I am so very sorry to hear about your dad.I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.I also must say the update was amazing . I just loved it. !!I do hope all goes well for you and youre family.

Rose

[She Bopp]

I'm very sorry to hear abotu what is going on with your dad, we're all here for you when you need us. can i just say i love this site for being so supportive? its really a great place to be. i've gained so much happiness from this site. so don't worry, we're all here and ready to wait for whatever greatness you have in store for us. take your time.

onto praising the amazingness that is this story.... so. good. i cant get over it, it just keeps getting better and better! this update just made me so happy, i am just so excited for what is to come. i want to thank you for bringing all of this joy to me and to all of the other people responding to the story. you are really doing such a great job. i feel like theres nothngi really i can say that hasn't been said before... basically just keep doing what you're doing because its perfect. thanks!

danielle. ( i love this guy.)



"I'm a fountain of blood in the shape of a girl... drink me make me feel real."

[Confusedgal03]

Heather, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad... hope everything goes well with the surgery. Please take as much time as you need... my best wishes to you and your family *hugs*

Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

[EasierSaid]

Kittens I just wanted to thank everyone for the truly wonderfully kind thoughts about my dad. I told him I posted to a board about his condition, and that there had been a lot of positive words. His reply, etc, went something like this:

Dad: Oh yeah? Send me the link so I can see.

Me: (thinking) Er.... dad at Pens... dad reading Neverland... dad reading dream sequences in Neverland... dad reading steamy-- No, uh, really. But, uh, I'll email their comments to you if you want...

Dad: (long pause) Are there naked pictures of you on the Internet?

Me: Oh my god - No!!!

Dad: (chuckle) Just making sure.

As you can see, he's managing to keep his "sense of humor" intact, and the emailed comments really, really meant a lot to both of my folks. Thank you all so much.



JustSkipIt Thanks so much re: my dad. I was really nervous about posting the news (I'm a pretty private person, and it felt a little melodramatic) but everyone has been amazing and as I said above, the support has meant a lot to my folks. Thanks. (And re: your Thanksgiving - sounds yummy!) So glad you enjoyed the last part, and yes, there's something blindingly romantic about heavy rain outside, warm & cozy inside. :) All the little things you mentioned; I wanted them to have a hint at what it could (read "will") be like when they're together. The teasing, concern, intimacy... it's them, now they just have to be like that more of the time (instead of all wound up and freaked). But then, that's what the week is for. Thanks so much!



blue and green wings Welcome! I'm so glad you liked the Paddington Bear reference (and love the idea of your phone, too cool). I always think of that guy when it rains... Thanks also re: the hanging of the lights, and the listening to the song. No moves made, but should have some good thoughts come out of it. Thanks!



thrilledbymaclay Thanks very much for your thoughts about my dad, and yay for *swoon*! :)



Washi So glad you loved loved loved the update! I think we've all been there, with the 'what is she thinking' and 'why did I do that' and 'oh lord she's hot and d'oh! did she see me staring!' :) Ah romance... Thanks also for your words about my dad, means a lot, truly.



SilentPortrait Wait, are you calling me a butt head or signing off as butt head? LOL, either way, if you think that last update was mean... *whistles innocently* Thanks.



veiled isis moon Thanks so very much, glad you enjoyed and yeah... going to be a lot of near misses with kisses, lingering touches, etc this week, I'm sure. Don't worry, Tara's noticing... ;) Thanks for the thoughts about my dad.



UnveilTheSoulbound Hehe, that's a lot of OMGs. And yes, so close... but they can get closer. Er... I mean, a lot more time for them to build their friendship this week. Probably going to be maddening, but hopefully fun at the same time. Thanks!



meretricious Thanks so much Mary, with regard to my dad. Means so much, truly. And thanks for your very kind words re: the story. You mentioned the physical... those little things are all things I notice in RL, so it would feel... I don't know, odd not to include them. Very glad it's getting through. :) Tara spilled (slightly)! Hopefully it'll pay off having her be the first one to accidently give voice to the internal running commentary. Re: W/T stargazing... more on that later in the week. ;) I wish I was Mac proficient! I have one... and I use it... but I'm not sure I use it correctly haha. C'est la vie for the computer illiterate, I guess. :) Thanks so much Mary!



numbered words Aww, just love it to hear that folks are reading together (brings back good memories). I'm glad you're enjoying so much, and very happy to hear that you 'felt' the hug. I really wanted to have that be a kickstart to the week, a hug. Also, I'm such a huge music dork that I had to have music play a role; glad you liked. Thanks so much Kristyn.



seamstressofdarkness Thanks so much for your words about my dad and any possible breaks; really means a lot Camille. I'm glad you liked the atmosphere, I could so clearly see it in my head, so I'm happy that came through. Their hearts are definitely starting to have more say, and glad that you're enjoying them becoming friends. That's the crux of this next week, for sure. Hope you enjoy!



behindhereyes Thanks so much for the hug, and the words about my dad Kim. So glad you enjoyed their time together, and I think "gentleness" is a great word to describe their interaction. Quiet care... it's the one way they can express their feelings until they build up a bit of courage. Thanks!



toasterovnofdoom :) Gonna be a while, sorry. Thanks!



Ginner WTluv Haha I snicker everytime I see the *twitch*. The suffering is sadly not almost over... but hopefully you'll like the "suffering" more as they spend time together. Glad you're hooked; thanks Jen!



hells bells Thanks very much for your thoughts about my dad, and yes, a near kiss! More good times and near-misses for them this week for sure. Thanks Jun.



logansgurl Thanks very much Nica, for the kind words about the update, my dad, and of course for your offer. Very much appreciated.



YMKA Thanks re: my dad, and for your words about the last update. They're definitely thinking the same thing re; kisses, and hopefully this week will give them a lot of opportunities to get closer (both as friends and physically). Thanks!



wimpy0729 Thanks Wimpy, for your thoughts about my dad. Thanks also for your very kind words about my writing; means a lot, for sure. And yes, the yearning. That's a great word for this week. Going to be yearntastic! Thanks.



WickedReds Thanks so much reds, both for your words about my dad and the update. They are getting along nicely indeed! :)



lipkandy I was so happy to see your name, and so glad that possibly, this might mean you're able to return to Pens more often (and selfishly, on my part, Tempus Fugit). :) Thanks very much for your thoughts about my dad, and thanks re: my work but seriously, the only thing that got me down to the office for those shifts was strong coffee and a paycheck (the people that volunteered to be there that early, stay that late working those hours, so amazing)! I'm glad you like Morgan, that was really important to me to create a character who wasn't evil. She likes Tara and thinks Tara's available; no harm, no foul there. And Xander: he's definitely an enabler. He's letting her do this on her time, which probably isn't the best considering how long it's taking, but truly it's not his place to say, so... rock and a hard place (and you're right, a very convenient dramatic device!). Thanks for the many compliments; I like stories with a lot of layers (like yours) and I'm really enjoying hinting at the backstory, discovering more about how they got into this mess as the thing lumbers along. Willow's computer work; a total accidental development but I think it suits her. Tara has her paintings, Willow has her computer. Bittersweet is a great word, with hopeful being the key. The hope is there, amongst all the other nonesense. Don't worry, W/T are going to be spending a lot of time together this week; regardless of weather. Thanks so much Melissa, truly.



NicTacToe Thanks Nik for your wishes re: my dad. Yay for skin tingling! :) Very glad you liked the last three, hope you like what's coming up!



DreamsToDream Haha, thanks so much D2D. Don't worry, I don't think you're obsessed, just glad you're enjoying!



onlyhalfevil Thanks very much for your words about my dad. I'm so glad you liked Tara blackmail, I could hear that kind of teasing, halting, sultry voice in my head, thought it was a very Tara thing to say. :) And the 'heart's gonna explode' line; was very fun to include some of that canon-BtVS macabre humor. So glad you enjoyed, thanks!



Wired vixen Haha romance and frustration are great anytime of the day! So glad you liked, and I think both of them are going to wonder about why Tara leaned back. Thanks Stace!



Grimlock72 Thanks very much for the thoughts about my dad, and still writing in June 2005? Oh lord, I hope not! Glad you liked the last update, and yes "sweet" definitely works. Willow the human calculator! Wanted to show off her smarts a bit, and thank goodness for sheet rock (cement walls and tacks just don't go)! As for why Willow remembers that day so well... I think she remembers a lot of what Tara does, just a byproduct of her mind and her need to hold onto any connection. Tara will definitely think about that reflex to lean back, but hopefully not too much, and yes, that's the same fluffy dog from S4. Heh, thanks re: the chair not breaking, Tara was true to her word, "it's stronger than it looks". Thanks Grimmy.



serendipitous "It falls into place"... amen, that's exactly what I'm going for. I just really want to show how they're falling more in love, becoming friends in detail, be a fly on the wall as their relationship progresses from freaked out misunderstandings to equal, honest and together. Hopefully you'll continue to enjoy the little moments as much as I am enjoying writing them. :) Thanks!



Apache138 No worries about lack of feedback goodness; you're here now! :) Thanks very much Dena for your thoughts about my dad. Thanks also for your very kind words about my writing... I can see this story so clearly in my head and I'm just tickled that that's getting through. *big blush* Thanks.



Irishgrl3 Thanks Anna, for your thoughts about my dad. You're right, they are having patches of comfortableness, but then they go and think... hopefully they'll be less inclined to over analyze as the week goes on. Yippee for hugs indeed, and thanks again.



starcat73 Thanks for your words about my dad. And WOW! huh? :) I'm so glad you liked the last update, and that the little things resonated. They needed a night that sort of previewed what their life could be like together. Hopefully more to come in that vein as the week moves on. Thanks!



feyndem Thanks for your kind thoughts about my dad Marcos, and a stupid smile at work huh? *big huge grin* Thanks.



VixenyTarasHot Thanks for the *big hugs* Ashleigh. Haha I'm glad it was only three things that nearly killed ya. Adorable, definitely going to build on that (no way Willow lets that go) and the CD list... Tara will wonder about it, but she's going to be slightly distracted by the CD Willow gave her in the meantime. The lean back. Yeah, that was a bit unfortunate, but hopefully that will help in the long run.



snuggle79 Thanks for your thoughts about my family, and I'm glad you thought the last update was extra-super special. :) They definitely are allowing themselves to be a little more comfortable, and hopefully that will continue as the week goes along. Thanks!



WillowPowered Heh, gonna be a long wait (until Willow comes out) but hopefully you'll enjoy their time together in the meantime. Thanks Jill.



littlecrazy80 Thanks for your thoughts about my dad, and the week is going to be very interesting for both of them. Good friend-times for them, for sure. Thanks!



sam darls Thanks for the words re: my dad, and the rose. Very glad you enjoyed the very near kiss and playlist. Thanks sam!



Willow18 Thanks so much for the thoughts about my dad. I'm so glad you liked the Moose/Squirrel bit, I can't help but think "squirrel" everytime Moose comes up in my playlist. Willow is all over that "adorable" slip, and she'll put it to good use, and seriously, can't just go showing computer stuff without checking it out first! Things are looking up for our girls indeed. :)



Arwen276 Thanks very much for your positive thoughts about my dad, means so much. I'm so glad you like them becoming friends first; I'm really looking forward to writing all of the little moments that help them get closer during their week together. Thanks!



Idgie Thanks very much for your words about my dad. Favorite so far, huh? :) I really wanted them to have a good start to their week at home, a nice intimate, relaxed night. Clearing up misunderstandings vs. going with the moment is going to be the battle this week, for sure. Thanks again!



russ No worries Russ, and thanks very much for your kind words.



angel of salvation Thanks Jess for your thoughts about my family. And YAY!! indeed, they are making progress. Glad the story went so will with the soundtrack and yup, no kiss, but the 'adorable' should do very good things for both.



shuyaku Thanks so much, truly.



ange04 Thanks for the thoughts and prayers ange, and your words about my writing. :)



Kajun Thanks for your words about my dad; cancer is indeed a horrible thing, but we're grateful they caught it relatively early. Two trips for groceries, they are indeed hibernating (which doesn't mean they won't leave the house this week, just they don't have to)! Hilarious thought about the 'keeper of Tara's sassy eggs', and yes, the wallpaper is great. I too love that fluffy doggie, had to have him and yes, Tara letting Willow help was huge. A peek at what they could have if they were together, working together, etc. Wanted to do the kitty teasing and nice call on the contrast with the perfect girlfriend definition, hadn't thought of that. Don't worry, the adorable slip will turn out to be good, regardless of the immediate, stuck-by-tack badness associated with it now. Lots of tunes and you know how it is with favorite songs, know them a little too well (re: the seconds). The songs on the Real Me cd will definitely affect Tara. "Much needed inspiration" indeed. Thanks!



terra21 Thanks for your prayer, truly. Butterflies, huh? :) I'm right there with you with the pining. Thanks.



desertgrl Please, do call me Heather. Thanks for your (and your doggies) thoughts about my family. Perspective indeed, hate to quote Xander in 'Something Blue' but... "we all have pain". Ain't that the truth. So glad you like the pace, even thought is slug-slow with the smoochies (hehe) and "sweet and intimate" - that's what I'd like this week at home for them to be. Chances for them to see each other as they would if they were together without stressing about not being together. If that makes sense. Hilarious story re: the pen - did you get? LOL Thanks.



astrangerhere Thanks ash; I work with a lot of cancer survivors, but you're right, it is different when it's family. Thanks for your words, mean a lot. Glad you liked the last update, and that this AU is working for you. :)



willowfan13 I'm glad you're finding their interactions to be yummy, and I agree that their thoughtfulness is great (I always imagined that to be a big part of their canon relationship, in the early days...). Thanks also for the thoughts and prayers, mean a lot.



tarawhipped Is there anything better than swiped clothing from your sweetie (I can't think of anything...)? I'm so glad you enjoyed all the little things that made up the last update and YAY for the floppy dog! I love that dog. Thanks re: the boundaries, I think that's a big deal for them, to get more comfortable around each other and to share their respective space. As I've said earlier, I really wanted them to have a hint at what things could be like... the laying on the bed just being was a peek, for sure. And thanks very much for your words re: my dad, and sharing your own story. Means so much, thanks Cameron.



singgirl Thanks for the best wishes, and you're welcome for the update. :) When I figured that this was going to be an AU I wanted to give it a concrete setting, and SF has worked out to be a great place to put characters, so many different things going on, but overall relaxed and unassuming. The city's there, but not overwhelming them. I don't blame you for not wanting to relive the angst, and 38GBs of music! Lordy... Thanks Bev.



cnd1us Thanks Cassie for the words about my dad and the update.



WillowSpiritus Thanks so much for the wishes of strength, and I'm glad you loved the update haha. You're right, Willow definitely faked her way out of her slip better than Tara (although that slip should work out just great for them haha). Glad you liked the putting up the lights and going back to reread? Wow. Thanks!



alysagoddess85 Thanks very much for the kind words about my dad Mel. Glad you liked the last update, I tried to keep it light, ish. Willow is definitely opening up and that slip up on Tara's part will definitely get Willow thinking. Very long week indeed (just cause I'm determined to take my time with it). Thanks!



wilgen Thanks very much for the thoughts about my dad. Thanks very much also for your very kind compliments about my writing. The long updates... haha what can I say, sometimes I just don't know when to stop. And "New Fic - Neverland" LOL - I have no idea how to change the title (I'm slow). I see people changing theirs so I know it can be done... but damned if I can figure it out. *deep sigh* And the views, and replies... I can't even tell you how blown away I am everytime I see them. AMAZING. Thanks so much!



babyblue Howdy lurker. ;) Thanks very much for the very kind praise, and definitely no embarrassment (you're here now, after all). Thanks for the thoughts about my dad, and hope you enjoy the rest of the story.



Willster Aw thanks, no kiss, not quite and yay for the hug! Thanks for the thoughts about my dad, and of course for the offer of support.



Rane018 Wow, I'm getting feedback from folks who haven't even read the story! LOL. I totally get the hesitancy, I think when kissing finally does occur I'm going to have to post that in caps in the update thread. Thanks very much for the very kind words about my dad, and for sharing your story. Means a lot to hear how people have fought and survived. Thanks.



Artemis Thanks for the best wishes Chris, truly, means a lot. I'm so glad you didn't think the last update was sappy, I was a little worried. They're definitely not admitting, but more and more they're showing, and accepting (whether they know it or not). I thought Willow freaking out about Tara's pin-prick was pretty worry wort (read, very Willow), so glad you liked. Haha thanks for the Paddington Bear info; I think you're right about him having a large wardrobe. I'm so glad you liked both girls in their jammies, I liked the idea that they felt comfortable enough to go that route, and you're right, I imagine them looking pretty yummy as well. The teasing I think is a great start for the playful side of their relationship to emerge, much more teasing on the way as the week goes along. Willow's music is definitely going to affect Tara, and what she paints as a result is going to be very interesting. The leaning back will make both think, but hopefully the hug will help stop either from getting too down about it. Good call with the them watching Spongebob, I think that's an inevitability! Also glad that you liked the Moose/Squirrel bit - that made me chuckle as well. Thanks Chris, as always.



Tempest Duer Thanks for the thoughts about my dad and I think things are looking up, yes indeedy!



hidden watson Congratulations! How excited are you! That's so cool, and so impressive, great job. Thanks for the compliments re: my writing, I love the mundane things, think they hold a lot of promise, so glad you enjoy. Happy that you liked that one line, and yes, sense of anticipation is definitely a big part of this week. Thanks for the thoughts about my dad and for sharing your story. Wow, I don't even have words. Thank you, so much.



crazy florist Thanks so much for the words of support Sam, really appreciated.



willlovestara Thanks for the big hugs Hannah, means a lot.



Nicole023 Thank you very much for the prayers Nicole, truly.



pipsberg Another name I'm ecstatic to see! :) Welcome back pips, and thanks for sharing your story; I'm right there with you re: fighting it. Absolutely no apologies necessary, especially with your incredibly kind words. Wow. I'm just tickled you're enjoying, and that my wonder at W/T's love is getting through. The two items you mentioned, the 'adorable' and the playlist... the adorable is definitely going to be huge for them in the next few updates (and beyond), while the playlist is more of a slow simmer. Thanks so much, I'm grinning like an idiot right now.



everbreeze Thanks very much for the story, a great one to have kicking around in my head during the tough times.



TromDeGrey Oh don't you worry my friend, providing the CD is not the last of Willow's 'helping' with the painting! ;) I'm glad you love the flirty moments, and fly on the wall is exactly what I'm going for. Humid, languid, hehe love the descriptions! Thanks so much (and I know, 40GB for music... lordy)!



Dexter23 Thanks so much for the kind words about my dad, and about the fic. Haha, I hope this story isn't causing any discord with your sweetie! They are getting closer but... there's always an undercurrent of angst considering their situation, so even the sweetness is tempered. As someone said earlier, it's bittersweet. Thanks Hannah.



noho Haha, probably a whole bunch of Boyskout, Erasure and Melissa Etheridge... ;) Thanks.



illusivekae Thanks very much for the thoughts about my family, and for your words about the fic! Wow, breathing is uneven huh... wow. And man, how much do I love you for dropping a Mendeleev reference. That was just inspired haha, in an old school rap kind of way. Yeah, Tara still has the idea of Willow moving out in the back of her mind, it's a defense mechanism, really. So glad you liked how the scene panned out even without the chair splintering, and Willow is definitely playing back their time on Tara's bed. Glad you liked that sentence, as I said earlier to someone it was fun to introduce a bit of that classic, canon-BtVS humor. Thanks Erin!



hermitfish Thanks so much Cyd, so glad you liked the super planned hook hanging and her large music collection (you have 40GBish of music? woooow). Thanks also for your words about the possible pause, much appreaciated.



hondosfirst Thanks so much for the thoughts about my family Rose, and so glad you liked the last update!



She Bopp Thanks so much for your words about my dad and seriously, this site couldn't get more supportive (I'm literally overwhelmed by the support). Thanks also for the really kind words about the story, that's pretty overwhelming as well! Thanks danielle.



Confusedgal03 Thanks so much for the kind words about my dad, means so much.



Okay, whew. Who's ready for an update?

Edited by: EasierSaid at: 12/5/04 4:31 pm

[EasierSaid]

Title: Neverland
Author: EasierSaid a.k.a. Heather
Feedback: Yes, please.
Spoilers: None.
Setting: AU. There is no Hellmouth, there is no slayer and no magic of the wicca variety. Just our girls and the rest of the Buffy characters living and loving in that great city by the bay, San Francisco.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me Mutant Enemy.
Notes: Who says Monday mornings have to be a drag...

Thoughts in italics

PART 34

At the ten second mark, Willow rolled over onto her stomach to cut the song off before the next started, and her eyes caught with Tara's. The blonde was looking at her, intently, and Willow just stared. "P-Pretty song..." Tara whispered as it faded out, and Willow nodded.

"Yeah..." the redhead said, her eyes darting down to look at Tara's full lips, her head dropping closer to the blonde's face slowly. Willow felt the blonde's hand reach up and stroke the back of her arm, a slow, soft movement that made the redhead's heart flutter. Their lips connected, lightly at first, and then more ardently, Tara gripping the back of Willow's left arm and tugging. The redhead took the hint and pushed herself up onto her outstretched arms; without breaking the kiss, she smoothly moved more fully on top of the blonde, nudging her leg between Tara's and settling partially onto her body. Tara sighed in approval and their sensual kisses continued, neither rushing or pushing for more. There was nothing hesitant about their kisses, and the slow way their lips moved together, the way their tongues moved out to touch, it was familiar. Normal. As if they did this every day.

After a long moment, Willow pulled back and looked at Tara's face in the low light. A muffled, rhythmic beeping could be heard above their heads, but the redhead didn't acknowledge it. She brought her hand up and brushed a few stray hairs from the blonde's face, her green eyes memorizing how the blonde girl's eyes sparkled underneath the fairy lights. She couldn't be any more beautiful...

"Your computer's beeping..." Tara said softly, and Willow turned her head to look at the machine.

"It's not the computer," she said, returning her gaze to the blonde, her body settled snuggly against the girl below her. The beeping stopped and Tara's brow quirked.

"It's my alarm; I hit snooze," Willow said, a seemingly left-field statement that neither girl found unusual. "It'll be back in nine minutes," the redhead whispered, moving her left hand down to Tara's side, brushing softly over the fuzzy fabric of the girl's sweater. "Tara," the redhead began, her hand brushing up to barely touch the underside of the girl's breast before slipping back down her side. "Do you think Buffy's 'adorable'?"

"Sometimes," Tara replied, a warm smile on her face. "Most the time I think, 'perky'."

Willow smiled at that and leaned down, capturing the blonde's lips again for a slow kiss. She pulled back and propped herself up on her elbow, resting her head on her hand. "I like that you think I'm adorable," she said, her voice honest and trusting.

"Ahh..." Tara said, slipping her arms around the redhead's waist, idly moving her hands in little soothing round circles on the girl's back, her hip. "That's what that question was about..." Willow's brow quirked and the blonde squeezed her lightly. "You're a different kind of adorable..." Willow arched her eyebrow and a half-smile appeared on Tara's face. "You're the kind of adorable I want on my bed late at night..." She waggled her eyebrows, a wide grin pulling at her lips and she squeezed Willow tightly.

The redhead blushed and leaned down, kissing the blonde deeply. She instinctively pushed her knee up into Tara's center and the blonde reacted by closing her legs around the limb, dragging her own leg up, the inside of her thigh rubbing against Willow's hip. The redhead groaned slightly and rotated her hips in a lazy circular motion, squeezing her hand around Tara's waist as the blonde brought her hands up and tangled them in Willow's hair. After a few long moments of slowly grinding together, trading heated tongue strokes in each other's mouth, they pulled apart for air, Willow resting her forehead against the blonde's.

"The beeping's back..." Tara panted and Willow nodded, her breathing irregular as well.

"Hold on, one sec."

The redhead struggled out of her dream, her hand reaching out to her side to grab the droning alarm clock in her dimly lit bedroom. She pressed the snooze button again, knowing that it would still only be 7:33 and she had another snooze or two in her before she had to be up for her conference call. She tried to slip back into her dream, and sighed in deep frustration when she found that she couldn't. It was knowing what time it is... she thought, trying to figure out why she had been able to get back to Tara after the first alarm call, but not the second. Stupid awake brain. She was up now, or at least her mind was, even if her body was still sluggish and somnolent. She let the disappointment dissipate as she remained still, snuggled under her comforter.

She sighed, letting her mind wander to the previous night. It had been fun, so much more than what she had expected when she had looked over the lights in the hardware store. She thought back to the rain against the window, the way that that rickety chair had protested ominously with a creaking groan every time Tara stepped up on to it... how Tara moved effortlessly as she worked, her hands, god, how beautiful they looked as she delicately strung the lights. Willow smiled. The night had indeed been fun. But there was something bugging her, she thought, her smile fading as the idea pushed forward in her mind. The night had been fun, but she hadn't enjoyed it.

That's not true... Willow thought with a protesting frown, she had certainly enjoyed watching Tara, how the soft flannel of her pajamas had accented her rear, how her eyes sparkled when she was teasing her. And Tara teasing her. The redhead smiled a sleepy grin, that had been *very* enjoyable. Willow sighed dreamily. She thinks I'm adorable... Even if it was platonic, which it probably was... even if it was just something one friend says to another when goofing around, it was something. So maybe I did enjoy myself... Willow thought cautiously.

She just hadn't enjoyed Tara.

Willow frowned, not liking the thought but suspecting that it was true. She had laid next to the blonde on her bed in the near dark and counted down the seconds until it was over. What's up with that...? Willow thought frustrated, her forehead knitting. The one thing she wanted most in the world was Tara, to spend time with her and her alone, yet given the this amazing opportunity to enjoy a romantic, intimate moment, and she freaked. Why can't I just relax and enjoy spending time with her...?

Willow rolled onto her side and opened one eye, peeking at the red numbers on the clock. Almost on cue the alarm began it's shrill beep and she hastily pressed down the snooze button. 7:42. She really should get up, maybe make some coffee before she had to call in at 8 for that stupid meeting. But... her bed was so warm, and her limbs still so heavy... And there were still other matters from last night to pick apart. Like Tara leaning away from her. The look on the blonde's face when Willow had leaned in to grab her CDs... surprised. If she had been a cartoon she would have had two big question marks for pupils. She couldn't have thought you were going to kiss her... Willow told herself dismissively. She doesn't think you're that way...

But what if she does. What if she did lean away because she didn't want you to try and kiss her? The redhead tried to think back to the blonde's body language. When the song was ending, Tara was staring at her. Not just idly looking, the gaze was too intense for just a passive look. It's why I thought about kissing her... Willow thought, her lips frowning slightly. She had been staring, right? But then when I leaned in... The girl sighed. If that had been the end of things, Willow knew she would have been up all night, turning 'the lean' around in her brain, devastated by the blonde's apparent rejection. But there had been more. A hug. A simple act of gratitude that had almost made her knees buckle. A brief, friendly embrace that she wanted desperately to feel again. And again. And forever, if she was being perfectly honest with herself...

But why did she lean away on the bed? Willow sighed. You were kinda spazzy, she allowed, remembering how she had just, stood up and leaned down for the CDs without warning or indication of her actions. You might have just startled her, the redhead reasoned. Besides, she wouldn't have hugged you if she was totally opposed to touching you... The redhead sighed again.

I wonder if I can hug her today... she thought, her eyes blinking open slowly. She squinted at the window, the rivulets of water sliding down the glass outside. Dark, gloomy... definitely an indoor-all-day kind of day. The redhead stretched under the covers, her socks turned the wrong way and partially hanging off of her feet. She pulled herself into a sitting position and yawned, covering her mouth with one hand and pulling the comforter up to her chin with her other. Her back, covered in two shirts, still bristled at the cold. She looked over at the clock, 7:49 staring back at her. She turned the alarm off, figuring she had just enough time for a run to the bathroom and to get some coffee going. She swung her legs out of her bed, and began her day with shuffled steps across the cold wood floor.

**************************

A gust of wind blew against the window, slapping a heavy sheet of rain against the glass and Tara woke slowly at the noise. She grumbled a slight protest and opened her eyes, seeing that it was just before 9. She sighed, and closed her eyes again. She had been dreaming. She couldn't remember what exactly she had been dreaming of, but she suspected it had been Willow because her lips were tingling and her skin was flush. After a long moment spent futilely trying to remember the dream, she sniffed and then sat up, stretching from one side to the next and then twisting her back. Hearing a satisfying string of pops, she dropped her hands heavily to her lap and then stared at the door. She didn't hear anything. Weird... she thought, knowing Willow was home today. Unless she went out for breakfast, Tara mused, the brief thought rejected as her eyes took in the storm raging beyond their walls.

Why did I lean away... she internally groaned, pinching her eyes shut, her stomach dropping. She sighed and opened her eyes, frowning. Hadn't she decided she wasn't going to dwell on this last night? It happened; Willow had startled her by standing and leaning into her and she pulled away, it didn't mean anything. And besides, Willow wasn't going to kiss her, so it wasn't as if she had blown a one-and-only chance to get kissed. Concentrate on the good things, she thought, remembering how the redhead looked under the lights, how she had felt in her arms. She smiled at that. The hug had been slightly awkward, what with Willow's hands full, but it had been nice. More than nice, Tara admitted, remembering the way their warm bodies had molded together, how it had felt to have their breasts connect. Her dreamy sigh turned into a yawn, and she covered her mouth with one hand while pulling the covers from her body with the other.

She stood and stretched again, and the feeling between her legs told her the dream she had had must have been of the very spicy variety. Can't throw me a bone with just one little memory? She grumbled at her uncooperative unconscious mind, and when she got nothing in return for her plea, she shook her head. Maybe she needed to get some mugwort, she'd heard that could help with remembering dreams...

She shuddered slightly as she adjusted to the temperature outside of her bed. It was chilly, but not freezing, which meant that Willow must have already turned on the thermostat. She never turns it on high enough, Tara thought, knowing the redhead was usually cold, but unwilling to go above the recommended 68 degrees out of respect for Tara's financial situation. The blonde remembered the semi-lecture she had received when she suggested keeping the heat at a higher level, Willow finally printing out a chart showing how much money she'd save if they just bundled up. Little did the girl know that most cold days, the blonde upped the heat to 70. She didn't care about the extra money, she just wanted Willow to be comfortable.

Tara pulled on a zip-up sweater and slid on her scuff slippers, then opened her door and strained her eyes down the hallway to see Willow's door ajar. The blonde dipped into the bathroom, and a few minutes later emerged. She moved to the head of the stairs, about to descend to start her morning routine, but stopped. She heard the slight clicking of the redhead typing, and a soft giggle. I just have to see her... Tara thought, turning back and walking to Willow's room. She knocked slightly on the door, and peeked in. The redhead was sitting in front of her desk, two large monitors in front of her, and headphones covering her ears. Beautiful... Tara smiled at the sight of the redhead's soft grin, but internally frowned at the reappearance of the headphones. She cleared her throat, and knocked a little harder on the open door.

Willow jumped slightly and then smiled sheepishly as she removed her headphones, turning to face her roommate. "Hey, good morning."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you--"

"No, it's; just was all wrapped up in my own little world," the redhead reassured. "What's up?"

"N-Nothing," Tara replied, suddenly grasping for a reason why she would intrude on Willow's space this morning. "I was just going to go make some coffee, wondered if you wanted some?"

Willow reached out and picked up a cup on the edge of her desk. She tipped it toward her and looked up at the blonde. "Yeah, I'm almost out, I could use a refill. Only..." She looked at her monitor and then back toward Tara, an apologetic look on her face. "I was just in the middle of emailing my mom, she sent her trip information and I know she's only going to be online for another couple of minutes--"

"No problem," Tara assured. "I'll just have it ready for you downstairs when you're ready." She took a slight step backwards and flashed her trademark lopsided grin.

"K," Willow replied, lost in the blonde's beautiful half-grin. Catching herself right before her actions could be described as 'staring', the redhead continued with, "I mean, okay, that sounds good, both the coffee and the downstairs and the--"

"Take your time," Tara said, backing up and turning, heading down the stairs after taking a deep breath. Amazing... How was it that the redhead could look so hot just sitting in front of a computer? She wore worn jeans that were obviously well loved and well, tight enough to give Tara ideas. Couple that with what looked like a very soft blue sweater... Tara sighed lightly, wondering how she'd survive this week. Stupid, unremembered naughty dream...

The blonde stepped into the main room and flicked on the lights, again looking to the storm outside. So dark. She shook her head and moved into the kitchen, putting on the kettle and removing the french press from the dish drainer, smiling that Willow had cleaned it after using it this morning. She put the press on the counter, then set about fixing the coffee and a bowl of yogurt and fruit for breakfast. She ate the fruit absently as she waited for the kettle to whistle, staring at nothing in particular as she put off thinking about her day. She took her last bite as the kettle finally sounded, and she quickly pulled it from the burner and poured the boiling water into the press. She let the water settle, then pressed down, the coffee settling. She poured herself a cup, stirring in a liberal amount of cream, and then took a sip. She nodded and then looked up to the ceiling. She looked back down to the french press and then back up.

A few minutes she was climbing the stairs, the press and a small server of cream in one hand, her steaming mug in the other. This might be a really bad idea... she thought nervously as she entered the hallway at the top of the steps. She stopped, took a deep breath and allowed herself time to change her mind. She nodded to herself resolutely, her mind made up to continue on her fool's errand, and moved toward Willow's room. She awkwardly tapped her foot against the open door to get the redhead's attention, her hands occupied and again the blonde frowned at the headphones. Willow looked up, her mind not processing the sight before her. Tara, holding the coffee press, frowning. "Tara?" She asked concerned, pulling the headphones from her ears.

"You don't have to wear those, you know," Tara said, standing in the doorway.

"What, the headphones?" Willow asked, looking at the cans and then back to Tara. "I don't mind, I wear them at work all the time."

"But this isn't work, this is your home," the blonde countered, her voice reassuring. "I want you to feel like this is your space. Would you wear them if you lived alone?"

"I just don't want to bother you," the redhead admitted sheepishly.

"You won't," Tara said. "And if you do, I'll let you know." Willow smiled, before her eyes dropped down and she noticed Tara was holding a handful. "Oh," Tara said, looking down to her hands. "I thought I'd bring the coffee to you." The redhead smiled softly and stood, taking the press and cream from the blonde and moving it back to her desk, clearing room for both on the surface with a push of her forearm against a binder. Tara watched from the doorway, her eyes again skipping around Willow's room. Still nothing on the walls but the calendar...

Willow poured herself some coffee, and then cream. She swirled the cup in her hand and then looked over her shoulder to see Tara still standing in the doorway. "You can come in..." she said, wondering if Tara felt like she needed to be invited.

"T-Thanks," Tara replied with a nervous smile, stepping into the room. Willow's eyebrow quickly quirked at that, the arch fading as she smiled at the blonde, who stood awkwardly a few feet in from the doorway.

"Sit down," Willow said, nodding to the edge of her bed. Do I make her nervous? Does she feel weird being in my room?

"Okay," Tara replied with a slight smile, moving gingerly to sit on the bed. She sat and took a sip of her coffee, hoping the edge of the cup covered her brief blush. Willow sat back down in front of her computer, and turned to face the blonde.

"Sorry, I keep meaning to get another chair..." she said apologetically, looking around the room.

"It's okay," Tara said softly. "You get things figured out with your mom?" She asked, genuinely interested.

"Yeah, I think so," Willow nodded, not eager to get into a conversation about her mother's upcoming visit. "You missed Buffy by like five minutes," she said, smoothly changing topics. "She was online. So super jealous that we went to Citizen Cake on Saturday."

"She is?" Tara replied, amused by Willow's wide grin but unsure as to why Buffy would be jealous about their trip to get cake.

"Yeah, apparently they have a new 'Executive Pasty Chef' or something and she's been meaning to check it out. Got a big write up in the Chronicle a couple of weeks ago and everything. She said she couldn't believe we got in without reservations. Then she called us names," Willow smirked, taking a sip of coffee.

Tara smirked in return and chuckled, bobbing her head slightly. "Looks like we, um, out-hipped the hipster."

"Go us!" Willow said, raising her mug slightly. Tara smiled widely and raised her own mug. They each took a sip after their impromptu toast, and Tara nodded to Willow's computer.

"How's work going, conference call go okay?"

"Oh yeah," Willow nodded, putting the cup down on the desk. "It was pretty much just ten minutes of, 'now don't forget to work'. Kinda worthless, really."

"What are you working on now?" Tara asked, noticing a fuzzy image of a skeleton on the screen.

"CMDTD, Color Match for Dense Tissue Display," the redhead said after briefly looking at the screen. "We're trying to integrate color into the output so that doctors can just, push a button and spotlight areas of dense tissue mass, usually tumors. Helps them explain stuff to their patients."

"Sounds kinda tricky," Tara said, admitting that everything about Willow's work sounded fantastically complicated.

"Kind of," Willow nodded. "The first version we had kept turning all the bones red. It was a little weird, but now we've got it down, for the most part." Willow paused for a moment, "do you, wanna see?"

"Sure," Tara said nodding her head. She stood and moved to Willow's side, the redhead rotating to face her computer, trying not to notice how she could feel the heat from the girl to her left. She took the mouse in her right hand and moved it until she spotted the cursor on the screen. She clicked on the fuzzy image until it doubled in size.

"Okay, so this is what the usual output looks like," she explained. "Here..." she dragged the mouse up to figure's midsection. "There's a dense tissue mass there."

Tara squinted at the form for a long moment. "I don't see anything..." she said sheepishly, slightly embarrassed that she couldn't pick out what Willow was pointing at.

"Exactly," Willow said with a slight smile. "It's almost unseeable." She flashed the blonde a grin and then turned back to the computer. "So, what we're doing..." She pressed a button and the file rewrote, bits of color showing on the image. At the bottom of the figure's ribcage was a small blob of red. "This person has a tumor on his lungs."

"Wow," Tara said, eyeing the red mass. "That's... amazing."

Willow smiled proudly. "Thanks." Tara took a step back and Willow turned in her chair to face the girl. "It's a small project, but hopefully we can roll that into a bigger program, something that helps the doctors make their diagnosis instead of just explain them."

"I think this will help," Tara said. "Explaining stuff like this to family members... it'll help." She smiled sincerely at Willow, and the redhead nodded.

"Do you wanna have lunch?" The redhead blurted out. The blonde raised her eyebrows and Willow quickly backpedaled. "I mean, only if you have time, you don't have to say yes, I know you're super busy and I don't want you to feel like you have to say yes, that you have to spend time with me just because I'm home--"

"I'd love to have lunch," Tara interrupted. "Will get me out of my studio," she chuckled with a half smile. "What time were you thinking?"

"I don't know," Willow said with a shrug, her stomach already fluttering at Tara's yes. "Like 12:30?"

"Okay," Tara nodded, taking a couple of steps backward. "Just come and get me when you're hungry." She flashed a lopsided grin and Willow melted.

"K."

The blonde made it to the door and turned. "The press--"

"Don't worry about it, I'll finish the pot," Willow said, pointing to the coffee. "Thanks for bringing it up."

"No problem," Tara said with a smile. The girl exited, and her smile grew when she heard soft music start behind her. She sighed happily, and made her way into her room to collect items for her shower. Lunch... she touched her fingers against her lips, and giggled to feel the smile. Willow...

Forty minutes later Tara was settling herself onto the floor of her studio, her lower back resting against the wall. She had stopped into the redhead's room before heading downstairs and refilled her coffee cup, Willow smiling and chiding her that it was a good thing she had taken a short shower, as she was just about to finish off the pot. Was it just me or did she blush when she mentioned me in the shower... Tara ran her finger along the lip of her mug and crossed her legs, letting her mind wander to how Willow's form looked in those faded jeans. Probably just the caffeine, she thought, shaking her mind free of the tantalizing image. She did have like four cups this morning... She picked up the remote in her left hand and pointed it at the stereo, pressing play and kicking off her first listen of Willow's 'Real Me' CD.

She leaned back against the wall fully and concentrated on the music starting to pour out of the small speakers. She had a pad of paper next to her on the floor, and hopped that if she gave the music a good listen, sans distractions, she'd be able to cull a few ideas, some inspiration for a painting or two. That was the official reason for why she was listening so intently, anyway. Unofficially, and secretly, she desperately wanted to pick apart the songs and figure how each related to the 'Real Willow'. See what spoke to Willow, what made Willow fluttery. The blonde sighed, and turned her attention to the music.

The first handful of songs were raw, punk-like bursts of sound with vivid lyrics about pain, love and isolation. Aside from some mild concern about the redhead identifying with words of pain and isolation... the blonde loved the music. Aggressive but melodic, driving but gentle. And the imagery... Her pad of paper was already filling up with scraps of lyrics. "Spill water like love", "dancing with the broken man," "charging the windmill"... She had to smile at that last one. The line made her think ofQueen Wilhelmina Garden in Golden Gate Park, the small tulip garden situated beneath the large weathered windmill facing Ocean Beach. She couldn't help but wonder if that line reminded Willow of their time spent in that garden... lying next to each other on the grass, talking about nothing and everything... Unlikely... she thought as the a new song started and the tone of the CD shifted. This song, and the one after it, were dreamy, soaringly epic. Tara wondered at the shift, but appreciated it nonetheless, enjoying how the new direction in music caressed her ears.

She was absently waiting for a new direction in music, when the song started. The twin acoustic guitars, the unusual drum line... and then the sultry voice. "In your underclothes, you went out for a smoke..." Twenty-two seconds into the song and Tara was hooked, completely locked into the hypnotic music surrounding her in her studio. She let out a slow breath... *this* was a 'real Willow' song...? It was so, sexy. Not that Willow wasn't sexy she quickly amended, she's, beyond sexy, but this song was... *sexual*, and Tara couldn't help but blush at the thought of the redhead identifying with its passion. Of her moving to this song, her hips swaying seductively to the beat. Flirtatious, sensual... Tara imagined it playing in a dark nightclub, the dance floor filled with grinding partners. Of her and Willow, grinding, sweaty--

Okay, so maybe last night's dream's still with me a little bit, she admitted with a gulp, amazed at how the music and her imagination were teaming up against her. It's just a song, get a grip Tara... The admonishment worked until the midway mark.And then... Tara extended her senses to avoid missing a note as a woman's voice began to speak in verse, a rap that commanded the blonde's attention, despite her usual aversion to the form of delivery.

The woman's voice was powerful, both commanding and desperate, in control and in need, and coupled with that maddeningly erotic drumbeat, and the seductive bassline... 'This lady wants you to take it off, felt that way first time I saw you...' The blonde swallowed hard, her mind latching on to a line about heat turning to frost. She turned and scribbled it down and then leaned back, letting the line spin in her head as the song faded into the background, her skin still tingling at its electric energy. The image of flames and crystalized frost, the blue of the hot fire countered with the blue of the ice, the blue of Willow's sweater... she was so caught up in how she could paint the image that she hardly noticed when the song ended and the next began. It wasn't until the woman's voice started singing that Tara realized and pulled herself out of her thoughts. She hit the back button on her remote, and tried to push the previous song out of her mind. She wanted to hear each song Willow had given her, and she pushed the pad of paper away to avoid the temptation of the previously scribbled line. She sighed, hoping and praying the next tune wasn't as charged. Don't think I can take much more... she thought, feeling as she shifted her legs how worked up she had gotten.

The unassuming acoustic guitar started and Tara settled against the wall to listen, still buzzing from the previous song's oozing sexual undertone. The woman singing the currant song had a pleasant, airy voice... pretty, yet if the blonde thought the lyrics in earlier tunes were raw... 'There's nothing like doubt, tearing your mind, to leave you muddled up and blind, there's nothing like fear, riding your soul, leave you stone cold.' Tara's stomach twisted. She hated the thought of Willow identifying with those emotions, those thoughts. Before she could further analyze the lyrics and Willow's possible affinity for them, however, the second verse started and her concern was pushed to the side.

'There's nothing like heat, biting your skin, to let you boil from within, there's nothing like sweat, dripping down your spine, gleaming nights...'

The blonde's stomach twisted again, but in a different way, and her ears perked up as her skin went flush. 'There's nothing like flames, licking in the air, hungry, without a care, licking like tongues, here and there and everywhere...' Oh god... Goosebumps rose off of the blonde's skin and she felt the hair on the back of her neck prickle. Willow identifying with pain was bad... but identifying with this...? Oh god... Tara internally shuddered, closing her eyes as the chorus began. She pushed the volume button up, increasing the sound until it completely filled the small room, until it drowned out the rain and the now suddenly loud beating of her own heart. Willow...

The blonde was having a hard time concentrating as the third verse began, her mind stubbornly refusing to move on from the line about tongues being everywhere... Willow... Tara shifted her hips slightly and exhaled slowly, her body reacting to the naughty images her mind was unceasingly throwing at her. She had been turned on by the previous song, but now, with the idea of tongues licking like flames, of that being the 'real Willow'; she was soaked. Her eyes closed, and she saw images of Willow's flushed, freckled skin, of her fiery hair matted to her face. Of her lips, slightly parted, her head back and neck exposed. Tara rested her head against the wall and after the briefest fight against what was happening, let her mind go.

And her mind imagined touching Willow.

Of her lips kissing Willow's fleshy backside. Of her tongue following Willow's spine as she moved up the redhead's body, her nipples dragging along the lithe girl's back, causing her to squirm and writhe. Of pressing her hips into Willows rear as her lips closed on the redhead's neck and sucked lightly, the girl moaning beneath her. Of trailing her hand around the swell of the redhead's ass, over her hip and then down between her legs. Of how wet she'd be...

The buzz saw of a modified, distorted electric guitar was introduced into the song, and the layer ratcheted up the tension, the cacophony of sound building as the singer sang about being 'in too deep'... Tara could feel her breath coming in short bursts, the song settling between her legs, humming. In her mind, Willow was bucking into her hand, the redhead's ass grinding into her wet center. The blonde arched her back slightly, careful not to move her hips. If she moved her hips...

The next song started and Tara swallowed hard, embarrassed as she opened her eyes and she realized how far she had just allowed herself to go, how far she might have gone if that song had been any longer. She fumbled with the remote and killed the sound. Too much Willow, she thought in a daze, standing and feeling with some discomfort how aroused she was. Too turned on to keep listening to that... have to... she looked around, her mind still foggy from the vivid daydream. What am I doing down here again? Paint! Have to paint, she thought, looking down to her feet and locating the pad of paper she had been brainstorming on earlier. She picked it up and exhaled again, wiping a hand across her brow. Right, painting... Tara exhaled deeply. Right... She moved to her desk, put the pad of paper down and walked over to her easel, determined to ignore the throb between her legs and work. Traitorous mind... she grumbled, picking up her palette and moving to her case of paint, choosing a number of blues and a near empty tube of white. She squeezed blobs of each onto the oval, and stood, moving back to the canvas. She sighed, and twirled a medium sized brush into the paint, mixing it. She put the brush to the canvas, moving it against the textured surface evenly, and tried to concentrate on the image of frost.



Edited by: EasierSaid at: 12/7/04 11:47 pm

[WillowRTaraM1]

WOOHOOO!!! *runs off to read*



Edited for actual feedback!



I think a little Dance for Naughty thoughts and dreams is certainly in order! ( )



Wonderful update as always. I love the slow progression each girl is making. Their shyness and hesitancy around eachother is of course frustrating.. but also extremley endearing. You write everything perfectly! Sometimes I find myself blushing when one of the girls is! I can't wait to see Tara's reaction when Willow shows her what the "Tara" tracklist actually consists of! annnd a big YAY to having lunch with eachother!!



Your Dad reminds me of my uncle Always the funny guy!My thoughts and prayers remain with you and your family.



Jackie

---

It's astonishing how much energy some people waste worrying that someone else might be enjoying life in ways that they dont approve of- Kevin Michael Vail

Edited by: WillowRTaraM1 at: 12/5/04 3:34 pm

[meretricious]

heather, it's too funny that you wouldn't give your dad the pens link. c'mon the man's going to need something to read while he's convalescing-hook him up

its's a rainy, dark, cold day here, easy to identify with the girls on that score, although i got dragged out in it , just made this update better to come home to.

interesting how willow manages to navigate her dream, while tara can't even remember hers. I guess her waking mind makes up for it, though. good that willow realizes she's keeping herself from enjoying being with tara with all the worrying, willow's getting a handle on this self-awareness thing. it was sneaky of you to side-step the details of sheila's visit, didn't want to give away too much, did you?

i got about half of your musical references this time, i think. you should really do an i-mix when you finish this fic, would save me some searching, anyway. very much enjoying the open cd (finally got here) you were right, very accessible brit pop of the best kind, and i'm a sucker for any band that uses a 6/8 time signature so often (is that a weird thing to notice?). found a new magazine and web site this week, losingtoday.com, hundreds of free indy downloads. i recognized virtually none of the bands, but it seems fairly west coast oriented, so you may do better.

so this is still just monday before lunch for these two, right? when you promised every beat of the week you weren't kidding. it's like one of those wedding scenes on a soap opera where the actors are in the same clothes for seven or eight days. i'll be looking forward to every minute of it.~mary

let's do it let's do it let's jump
in with both feet~julia fordham

Edited by: meretricious at: 12/5/04 3:39 pm

[Spikeizmine87]

Wonderfull update!! A great read for a boring day! Oh this is so fustrating! They both know that they want the other, yet are too afraid to do anything about it! Willow needs to grow a pair and quit being an idiot! And why wont she do anything to her room? Why are they so akward and shy around eachother! WHY WHY WHY!!! Ill be patiently waiting for a new update Heres hoping your dad is doing well!

-rose

I didnt know what being happy was till i found you, i didnt know what love meant till i loved you.

[Wired vixen]

mmmmm...yummy at the beginning and yummy at the end! Apart from the awkwardness, wow what a song to give to Tara! Loving this fic!!



Stace xXx

"Um...dont mean to ruin the sexcapades...but we need the chips out there. Xanders being a chip whore." -She's my always by spikeizmine87

[tarawhipped]

Hi Heather! I've been lurking on and off all day hoping to see an update, and it paid off! Yippee! Great to hear your dad is in good spirits, and has a wicked sense of humor. I understand...my folks don't know I'm writing these days, cause I'm not willing to have the "why you aren't allowed to see my fics" discussion. They aren't supposed to read such things.



It's amazing how you manage to make each chapter better than the last, but this was no exception. Willow's dream and thoughts after were especially interesting. The way it developed from the real events of the night before then became what she wished had happened was a nice progression from the pure fantasizing of earlier. Her analyzing 'the lean' was also very well done. Having once been in a similar situation, I think it's the conflict between fear and desire...having everything you want soo close, but knowing that the timing is wrong. Plus, they're both trying to interpret the other's signals so much that they're complicating what should be fairly obvious (but which would make a much less interesting read).



The intractions between W/T were great...Willow in particular seems to be relaxing a bit, about work at least. I liked Tara noticing the mostly bare walls...hmmm...if only she knew someone who had some art lying around to hang there... I really can't wait for their lunch, now that Tara's all wound up (and DAMN, Heather, that was some nice winding! ). I think 'Frost' is going to turning to 'Fire' before the day's out!



Take care-

Cameron

---

What should I be but just what I am? - Edna St.Vincent Millay

[WickedReds]

Good to know ur pop is doing better..

Ummm some dream fluff.. with some steam.. hehe.

Ooo analyzing the "lean away"... oo but if she only knew... but if she knew the story wouldnt be so gooood...

Whoa music induced fantasies... wooo hoo that was hot...



-reds



Mein Banane tanzt für Schmutz

Smutbunny Anthem: *sung to tune from Goldfinger* Smutbunnies...they'e the bunnies, the bunnies that love the smut...and Willow's butt. They surf for smut fiction...always lookin' for the next naked sweaty fix...of Tara's tits.- Written By Cameron(tarawhipped) For Us Smut Bunnies

[behindhereyes]

Heather



The outpouring of love that I witnessed from the kittens in regards to the news about your Dad... was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen... makes me very glad that I discovered this board and the kittens.



I was wishing that Tara could remember her dream, but the reactions Tara had while listening to the real me Cd wiped that thought from my mind . I loved the way you used the music in this one... a song that speaks to you is very powerful, and you showed that so well ! The erotic intensity of their dreams, bodes so well for when the dreams become realized.



Have I told you today that I love you ... your updates always leave me satisfied, and happily yearning for more !





behindhereyes

Kim

"To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world"

[sabina]

Hi there



It was been a couple of weeks since I last replied to your fic. The angst and anticipation were almost killing me ( ) and I decided to try and wait for you to post a few new chapters before I started reading your fic again. Unfortunately it didn't work out so well and I couldn't stay away for long. The angst is hard to bear but you write it so well that it is a sweet torture



I am really sorry to hear about your dad and I wish for the best for him and for your familly. It's good to hear that he has kept his sense of humor and high spirits through all that has happened. Chanelling my med student side for just a second I have to say that it is the first step to recovery

I'm really hoping that everything will turn out all right.



Now about neverland. I'm really happy to see that Tara and Willow have overcomed that small rift that the party had created and are now closer than ever

And the week they are spending alone at home couldn't have started better than with them putting fairy lights up on Tara's bedroom walls and trading small touches and smiles (okay, so they could have made mad, passionate love on the stairs because they just couldn't wait long enough to reach Tara's room... but I guess it wasn't meant to be ).

Joking aside this last couple of chapters have shown them growing closer and closer, getting to know each other, becoming true friends in the sweetest way possible as they slowly get closer and closer to become lovers and I wouldn't have it any other way

---

"I know I was born and I know that I'll die.

The in between is mine.

I am mine!" - Pearl Jam

[WillowPowered]

Woohoo that was awsome. Can't be too long away now before these two get it on.



Jill

~~~~~~~~

Willow - Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs did ya?



Willow Powered | Amber Powered | Alyson Powered



My lack of talent is more than made up for by my enthusiasm.

[hermitfish]

Yes, my music collection (more like 50 than 40) is my pride and joy...only nice thing I buy considering the whole poor grad student title. I love indie...I recognized several of your plugs and I'm off to explore some of the others.



I think you’re on my brainwave...documenting some of my quirks in these last couple of parts. That thing where Willow sets the heat low (always 65 in my place) made me giggle.



Are these girls Zen masters of sexual restraint or what? Make your dreams a reality already!



I commend your writing prowess.



~Cyd

[fun in dysfuntion]

Hi,



I really enjoy the dream sequences. Beyond the fact they make the font sweat, I like how they are an internal gauge for Willow's feelings that help in her evaluation of the relationship she has with Tara.



Great chapter!

teddy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed. - Robert Frost

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[willowfan13]

1st - glad to hear your dad has a sense of humor



2nd - woo hoo update! and what a long update for such a short amount of time. I can't wait to see what Tara has painted, may I suggest something seductive to hang over Willow's bed?



Wonderful as always.



Cheers-

will13

[pipsberg]

Heather,



First of all, thanks for a peek into the hilarious conversation that you had with your Dad. I think that's really sweet that you shared it with him - I am sure it meant a lot. His response was funny and I was laughing my ass off. I am so glad to see he's using positive energy in his fight.





Secondly, this was a beautiful update. I of course love the intimate thoughts that each girl is having of the other. It's just mind boggling that they are both so in love and have no clue!! Willow's dream, and her ability to jump back into it after her alarm, was very sweet and sexy. Like Willow, the dream is eclectic with both sexual energy, sweetness, and a bit of humor. Tara, on the other hand, just oozes this raw sexual need and energy and I think it is hot as hell. The way it is totally focused on Willow is so intense. In other words, she's not just horny and running out to shag Morgan because she can't have Willow. She is truly fixated, obsessed, in love and lust with her. I think it's amazing how well you portray this to us.



You know I really like your use of music as well. You've done it before, but it stands out here. I too can get so wrapped up in music that sometimes I forget where I am. It can really enhance or alter your emotions. Sometimes, I can even weave these very complicated and intricate stories,almost like dreams, to the mood or lyrics or voice in a song. I can really picture Tara, in love and sexually aroused, escaping into the mood of a sensual and erotic voice. I hope there is more of this and maybe even them sharing some music moments again (eg: when Willow shares her 'Tara' list).



I notice that they are getting closer to each other emotionally and physically, yet they still dance around details in their lives. I can't wait to see Willow open up more,hopefully after she lifts the burden of being in the closet.



In Willow's dream scape, I especially thought this line was telling:

Quote:

---

"Tara," the redhead began, her hand brushing up to barely touch the underside of the girl's breast before slipping back down her side. "Do you think Buffy's 'adorable'?"

---

I'm not sure if it was a random dream association from the earlier conversation or something deeper... like Willow still comparing herself unfavorably to others, or more hopefully her trying to see where she lands in Tara's "adorable scale". The fact that Willow is honest and trusting in her dream is so sweet but sad. She isn't honest or trusting in any other aspect of her life with the exception of her interactions with Xander. I really can't wait to see her practice with Tara.



I was also intrigued by this:

Quote:

---

She just hadn't enjoyed Tara.

---

and

Quote:

---

Why can't I just relax and enjoy spending time with her...?

---

I so completely know how this feels. When you are really in love with someone and it's unrequited or unclear, it is impossible to relax. You are always on guard about what you say or do. I also see Willow as repressing herself sexually...both because she is in the closet and because she has bound her sexual self. Tara seems so free, both in her sexuality and her needs. While Willow recognizes her needs but seems scare of them. I love the contrast of the two of them. It doesn't make Willow less sexual, as her taste in music and Tara's response to it shows, but it does fetter her personality. The fact that Tara even thinks -

Quote:

---

She had been turned on by the previous song, but now, with the idea of tongues licking like flames, of that being the 'real Willow'; she was soaked. Her eyes closed, and she saw images of Willow's flushed, freckled skin, of her fiery hair matted to her face. Of her lips, slightly parted, her head back and neck exposed. Tara rested her head against the wall and after the briefest fight against what was happening, let her mind go.

---

- it seems to me that Willow knows her real sexuality but can't express it or doesn't understand the extent of it, while Tara recognizes it in Willow. I eagerly await seeing Tara unleash that in Willow.



Wow, you really got me thinking with this update. Maybe I'm just avoiding working before my next trip to Dallas... ugh!! Heather, as always I am completely charmed and thrilled to see more from you. I can't wait for more interaction between our girls! Thanks for writing...

-pipsberg



"We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - it's as simple and ordinary as that."

Michael Cunningham, The Hours

[EasierSaid]

Okay, so I should have put this in the 'Notes' section of the last update but I forgot, then when I went back to edit, it looked wonky so... here's Willow's playlist to the point where Tara stopped listening.



The punk-like bursts of sound:

"Spill water like love" - 'How We Know' by The Thermals

"dancing with the broken man" - 'Tule Fog' by Charmless (local Bay Area band)

"charging the windmill" - 'Yawn, Yawn, Yawn' by Les Savy Fav



The unnamed epic songs:

'Midas' by Rubicks

'A List I Could Write' by The Eskimos (pretty sure you can download this from their site)

'Lost' by The Open



The saucy songs:

"In your underclothes, you went out for a smoke..." - 'Smoke Baby' by Hawksley Workman

"There's nothing like doubt tearing your mind, to leave you muddled up and blind" - 'Let's Get Lost' by Tina Dico



More songs in future updates, I'm sure (cause I loves me the tunes).

Edited by: EasierSaid at: 12/5/04 9:14 pm

[Willster]

HOT Update!!!

Not sure it was the best idea to read it before going to bed.. but I guess it's the best way to finish the weekend.



You sure have a way with word.. I was a little disappointed that Tara couldn't remember her dream, but you made up for it pretty damn good by making her mind go wild while she listened to Willow's cd.. so freaking sexy!!

[lipkandy]

first, please thank your dad for his part (albeit very indirect) in creating this lovely and sexy piece of writing. without dear old dad, there would be no heather to write neverland.



second, thanks for the kind words about Tempus Fugit. I'm trying to get back to it, but I'm two months late on our next album, plus...other stuff. I know....excuses, excuses. I'll try workng on it this week.



third, I read this line

Quote:

---

A gust of wind blew against the window, slapping a heavy sheet of rain against the glass

---

and gave a silent cheer that my wish was coming true and our two favorite wiccans were going to be trapped inside. woo and hoo! I love how you continue to bring them closer together, while staying true to their character. Willow agonizing over every detail of the evening, inerpreting and reinterpreting events is so very Willow. Also, loved Tara getting glimpses into Willow's inner world through her favorite music. it's a lovely way to reveal these two to each other...or at least, Willow to Tara.



once again, lovely work. thank you.



xo melissa



p.s. and the thermals!!! woo and hoo!

Edited by: lipkandy at: 12/5/04 10:18 pm

[galerina]

I agree with meretricious, I think your dad needs something to read while he's resting.....he might as well find out how superb you are and meet all the adoring fans you have! We'll be nice!



As with all your updates, this one left me sitting stunned with my mouth hanging open. Man, do I ever love this story!



Help me out here.....what are the songs mentioned in this update? I know the Hawksley one but I cannot find the others.



Em

[desertgrl]

Heather- I think that is really great that your dad was so interested in the replies. He sounds like he has a great sense of humor too. Laughter can be very healing.



The dogs want to know where they too can get a copy of

Willow's music list. They are very intrigued by her choice of songs. I really like that you chose this as a way for Tara to get a glimpse into the real Willow. You are sly, but I didn't fall for the dream sequence as being really happening. This doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy it though.



As for the pen, I haven't heard anything from my principal and his parents haven't called me back. My principal is really cool and has a great sense of humor, so I think by the end of the year if his parents haven't claimed it, I can probably talk her out of it. I just need to figure the angle to go about getting it. Somehow telling her I want it cause I thought the girl was "hot" just won't be that appropriate. It's a new week, so I can only imagine what my knuckleheads are going to do. It helps me to sleep at night thinking that they aren't purposely trying to drive me crazy.

[NicTacToe]

The music, OH the music!!! Many a playlist I do have that I could call "The Real Me" or "Insert girl of my dreams' name here." You did wonderfully describing how Tara got lost in the songs, and now even I am trying to convert those lyrics into vivid mental abstract paintings and I'm not even an artist!



I loved the semi-lucid dream state that Willow was in and the battle she was having with her alarm clock - such an awful feeling to have to tear yourself out of one of those fantasies to go work...blech. I also think you're the first one to truly capture the "wonky sock" phenomenon as happens upon waking on many 'a morning. Hahaha.



Still sending best wishes and healing vibes to your dad.



Nik

[Tempest Duer]

Woo and hoo. I totally dig this update, with all the updatey goodness! And naughty dreams and everything else.



And Tara's reaction to that song...

I got bitten by a drunk lesbian! Does that mean I'll turn into one?



~my friend Mary