Okay mittens here's the update Kath promised, now as I am sure you dont want to read my waffle I'll just post it and slide off to the side
Love you to you all, Bethx
Buffy spun the orange and blue striped straw within the tall glass, causing the icy contents within to swirl with it. The slivers of hotel ice moved in a tiny cyclone within the glass, softly clinking against the sides from the movement.
“You don’t have to stay awake for me.” Buffy reminded Tara softly as blue eyes watched dim shadows dance across the ceiling.
“I like being awake.” A thin smile spread over Tara’s tired features, slowly she moved her gaze back to Buffy.
“I know how overwhelming all this is.” Buffy gently put the glass down. “But you don’t have to deal with all this at once. I promise I’ll keep everything as easy as I can. I know how psychedelic the first few weeks can be.”
“Part of me wants to ask you how you can talk about it with such assurance.” Tara admitted blinking slowly. “But part of me doesn’t want to know, at least not just yet.” She smiled again.
“Fair enough.” Buffy smiled at her softly. “But just try to at least remember with me around I’m not going to let anything hurt you ever again.”
“Own a protection racket do you?” Tara chuckled softly.
“In a way, you could say that.” Buffy laughed lightly as she leaned forward her hair slipping down to frame her face.
“I...” Tara began as she vaguely attempted to sit herself a little more upright but the muscles in her body just weren’t in the mood to co-operate.
“Here let me help.” Buffy moved instantly to help shift her up, awkwardly holding Tara up against her shoulder while she moved the pillow. Without even straining she repositioned the blonde comfortably upright.
“Wow, how did you...” Tara’s voice was full of surprise as Buffy moved her like she was a light doll.
“Well look at that!” Anya’s impressed voice cut through the room almost like an alarm as the vengeance demon simply appeared by the foot of the bed.
“Anya!” Buffy jumped back her hands coming up in a defensive stance before she could properly react to the demon. “What the hell are you doing?” She hissed as she dropped her hands.
“Well come on I had to see her. She is my friend too you know.” Anya defended pointing to the shocked blonde in the bed.
“How did you know?” Buffy rolled her eyes.
“There had been rumours, you know on the demonvine.” Anya leaned forward peering at Tara. “But your new witchy friend filled me in.”
“Why didn’t you say anything to me before this?” Buffy scowled. “You better not have done anything to Madalene.” She warned sitting back down with a deep breath.
“What would I do to her, I’m a vengeance demon, not some big ugly killing machine.” Anya scowled at the slayer before leaning forward on the bed returning to her close scrutiny of Tara.
“Tara, do you remember Anya?” Buffy checked softly. “It’s okay she won’t hurt you.”
Tara’s wide blue eyes flashed to Buffy, as she shook her head slightly. She looked scared.
“You used to like her, though I’m not sure why sometimes.” Buffy shot a look at the demon. “She’s not big with the tact.”
“I don’t have to be big with the tact, that’s a human trait and I’m not human.” Anya pointed out sharply and Tara frowned more.
“N-N-Not human.” She looked to Buffy for answers.
“Less with the demon talk.” Buffy glared at her again. “It’s okay... Anya’s a vengeance demon, but a fairly nice one. She’s a friend.”
“I only act out vengeance on unfaithful men.” Anya pointed out clearly.
“She used to be human, then demon, then human... it’s confusing.” Buffy tried to reassure the blonde taking her hand gently. “She just wanted to see you cause she missed you, right Anya?”
“Why should I mind the demon talk, we out number you humans in t he room two to one.” Anya shook her head.
“We’ll be back in one minute.” Buffy smiled at Tara. “You, bathroom now!” She barked and grabbed Anya by the arm.
“Wh....OW!” Anya squeaked as Buffy dragged her away. The Slayer soon shoved her inside and closed the door behind them.
“What the hell do you think your doing?” She hissed in a low voice.
“I came to see Tara.” Anya replied scowling hard and rubbing her arm “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Well you’ve seen her, orb back to wherever you’re scaring the hell out of her.” Buffy waved her hand.
“I’m not scaring her.” The demon shook her head.
“Anya, she doesn’t remember anything... well she remembers close to nothing.” Buffy took a deep breath. “She doesn’t know who most of us are really or that you’re a demon and it’s okay or that I’m the slayer or that we live on a Hellmouth and she sure doesn’t need you calling her a demon when we both know that has been her fear since her childhood. So please be a little more careful.”
“Oh phooey, if she doesn’t know well some one has to tell her, here let me.” Anya moved back towards the door.
“Are you deaf?” Buffy blocked it. “She needs time, to heal and recover. Back from the dead, not fun remember I did it, which she also has no clue about.”
“Time is greatly over estimated.” Anya shook her head. “Let me past.”
“Anya, please.” Buffy tried to ease her stance. “She needs time. Most of her body is still waking up; Madalene has to help her with the pain. She doesn’t need to know everything right now.”
“You know when I was a human I used to listen to your reasoning, you and Giles and Willow always reasoning, reasoning, reasoning. I’m done now, I’m a vengeance demon again.” Clicking her fingers Anya disappeared from the room.
“Not funny Anya.” Buffy turned grabbing the door handle only to find it wouldn’t turn. “ANYA! ANYA OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!” She banged against it.
Anya reappeared in the chair that Buffy had been sitting in.
“Now that the little slayer distraction is contained.” The demon gave a bright smile even though Tara literally jumped as the blonde reappeared. “How are you?”
“H-h-h-how do you do that?” Tara blinked fast as she looked over to the bathroom door, seeing it rock a little in its frame as Buffy hit it.
“Oh it’s simple really. I just think of where I want to go and I transport there. It’s not like flying but similar.” Anya kept smiling though she followed Tara’s eyes. “Don’t worry about Buffy, she just gets overprotective. She knows I won’t hurt you. I always like you best, well other than Xander and never in a sexual way. You are friendly and don’t make fun of me.”
“Oh wait.” Tara’s furrowed brow suddenly eased a little. “You own a shop.”
“Yes, the Magic Box.” Anya nodded completely impressed and happy, of course no one could forget her perfectly run shop.
“And you don’t like rabbits.” She added softly.
“Horrible creatures.” The demon shivered.
“Sorry.” She apologised when she saw the reaction her words caused.
“Do you remember the fabulous dress I got you for the wedding? Well fabulous until Xander got cold feet and left, the bastard. You don’t want to wish do you?” Anya raised an eyebrow.
“NO WISHING!!!” Buffy’s voice screamed from the bathroom.
“Well I...” Tara stopped at Buffy’s voice. “I’m sorry if before I was...” She turned back to Anya. “It’s just I don’t really remember anything.” She tried to explain.
“That’s okay, you’ll remember it all in awhile.” Anya nodded knowingly. “Anything you want me to tell you?”
“My head’s kinda hurting from everything I’ve already been told.” Tara was honest. “Though…” She paused. “You’re a demon?” She whispered the question.
“Vengeance demon.” Anya smiled softly.
“I don’t think I understand.” Tara admitted.
“I enact vengeance on men who have hurt women but granting wishes.” She elaborated instantly. “See if Willow had of asked me I would have skinned Warren for her lickity split, rather than her going all hell bent witch crazy.”
“H-H-Hell bent witch...” Tara’s frown was back in an instant and much more pronounced than before. “What did Willow do?” She whispered not able to find her voice.
“Okay I’m going to give you the short version to make this easy, Buffy will coddle you and try to hide it and everything but I think you need to know.” Anya leaned forward her face sad but honest. “Warren shot you and Buffy, you died in Willow’s arm. Now you and Willow are lovers and witches and well it’s a very bad combo to shoot a witch on the black magic wagon’s lover.” She took a breath seeing Tara following her. “So she tried to call Osiris to bring you back like she did to get Buffy the first time but I digress.” She reached out and took Tara’s hand. “Her mind split off with the grief and the magic took over. She made a bid to be the big world ender witch after she hunted Warren down and killed him for what he did to you.”
Tara looked down staring intently at their hands, hers began to shake a little.
“But...” Anya held tighter. “Giles filled her full of goody magic and that made her powers short circuit and we managed to keep her from killing anyone else in time for Xander to give her some speech about a crayon which sorta reattached her mind with her grief and she turned into a catatonic mess.”
“ANYA THIS IS NOT FUNNY LET ME OUT!” Buffy screamed again.
“So you being a demon human hybrid is really convenient cause the one thing that can make Willow well Willow again is if you’re alive and there to help her.” Anya looked at the door and then back at Tara. “And now I don’t have to miss you.” She added softly. “I missed you, it was no fun with you dead.”
“I see.” Tara’s voice was a tight whisper and though her words were calm the blonde’s cheeks had grown sallow and her face was a mask of bridled pain.
“It really isn’t as bad as it sounds.” Anya tried to be upbeat. “You’re back, that’s the main thing.” She patted Tara’s hand.
“Yes.” Making an effort Tara broke out of her reverie and looked at Anya. “I’m sorry Anya, I’m really very tired.” She said quietly.
“Do you want me to orb back with your stuff that’s at the shop?” Anya tried to be helpful.
“No, it’s... that is I think Buffy wanted to get them.” Tara tried to keep her thoughts somewhat organized in her head.
“Oh right. Anything I can bring you?” Anya checked.
“No, but thank you.” Tara replied genuinely.
“I’ll come back tomorrow and check on you.” Anya stood up smiling. “I’m so glad your back.” She waved her hand as she disappeared and Buffy came tumbling out of the bathroom.
“Anya, I’m going to kill you.” Buffy growled catching herself just as blue light dissipated. Tara watched the Slayer’s stumble with hard blue eyes.
“Are you okay?” Buffy moved over to the bed.
“You lied to me.” She whispered her voice level but deathly quiet.
“I didn’t.” Buffy shook her head frowning instantly. “I just didn’t tell you everything.”
“How bad is she?” Tara asked not really listening to Buffy’s sidestepping.
The Slayer sat down seeming to lose every ounce of her supernatural strength. Her lips pursed together for a minute as she tried to think of a real answer, the right answer an honest answer.
“How do you want me to quantify that?” Buffy questioned still looking at the carpet. “Compared to the woman she was with you, compared to when she almost blew up the world, compared to when she was in the hospital...” She choked suddenly.
“I don’t talk in comparisons Buffy.” Tara pointed out.
“You were her everything.” Buffy’s lip trembled despite trying to lock her jaw. “You are her everything.” She let out a slow breath. “You were her light, you were her guidance and then you were gone and she got so lost.”
“You should go.” Tara suddenly looked away from the Slayer.
“I never lied to you Tara.” Buffy pushed up and hovered at the end of the bed with her arms around her. “She is safe, as safe as I can get her but I can’t get inside her head, I can’t stop the scary things that lurk there and drag her down. But I do my best, I have done my best since the day you died to look after her like you would.” She felt hot and light-headed with emotion.
“I...” Tara looked up at Buffy fighting the raging emotions inside her. A part of her was angry, another part sad, another part hurting and another lost. She just didn’t, she just couldn’t focus and yet she wanted to. She wanted to know what to say, what to do for this obviously brave woman who had undoubtedly tried so hard to care for Willow, her Willow when she hadn’t been there.
“I’ll bring your stuff to you tomorrow.” Buffy watched the thoughts crossing Tara’s face but could only focus on the anger there as she turned away from it towards the door.
“Buffy wait!” Tara called as the Slayer moved away. Buffy slowly looked back over her shoulder. “Thank you.” Tara said her blue eyes softening.
“We’re not thank you type friends remember.” Buffy nodded her hard visage also easing. “I’ll hang out front till Madalene gets back so you’re not alone.”
“I would ask you to stay, if I wasn’t semi sure you’d say no.” The blonde added with a slight sad frown.
“You’d be semi wrong then.” Buffy turned back towards her fully.
“I hope I wasn’t as emotionally all over the place as this before I went away.” Tara gave a characteristic smile, the first she had since returning.
“You were always the quite optimist.” Buffy moved back over with slow steps. “I have to admit it wasn’t until just recently that you and I talked much. I mean we were together lots, with Willow, but it was you and Willow I was third wheel.”
“Essential for a tricycle.” Tara smirked.
“It was you and Willow who took care of Dawn when I was...” She hesitated having only heard bits through the door. “When I was dead.”
Tara looked at Buffy for a moment. Her bottom lip quivered before she stopped to shake her head, tossing her light hair around slightly as softly as she began to laugh.
“No, really I’m not making this up.” Buffy raised an eyebrow at the reaction. “I had to close a hell Goddess’ portal to save Dawn who is really a big ball of energy that some monks made into my sister.” She stopped as Tara started to laugh harder not able to stop from smiling. “I sound insane don’t I?” She laughed softly.
“No more insane than a girl, sorry vengeance demon who can fly and lock you in a bathroom but is deathly afraid of bunnies.” Tara laughed harder.
“Well then I should tell you I’m a vampire slayer, ancient prophecy.” Buffy laughed more. “And Xander is a carpenter.” She howled more. “But man he can take a beating and still wield a broadsword.”
“Do we have a dog called Scooby Doo? Or drive around in a brightly coloured van?” Tara’s side began to ache a little.
“You are a slayerette.” Buffy leaned against the bed as she laughed.
“Do I have a badge?” Tears slipped down Tara’s cheeks.
“No, but you have your own axe.” Buffy giggled hysterically.
“Ok why does Scooby Doo sound familiar to me?” Tara paused briefly though she was still chuckling.
“It’s a TV show, cartoon. I think Xander made you watch it.” Buffy tried to calm herself.
“No, no.” Tara shook her head. “No I remember. Willow, she once told me I was a Scooby now, one of the good guys.”
“You are.” Buffy nodded with a broad smile.
“But there’s no dog right?” Tara checked with a grin of her own.
“We have a strict pet rule.” Buffy laughed lightly. “Only Xander.”
They enjoyed the moment of eased tension when suddenly Tara’s grin vanished. She looked up at the Slayer with sad blue eyes.
“I have to see her.” She whispered.
“You have to be well first.” Buffy let a long pause underline how important the request was before she answered.
Tara held Buffy’s eyes for a long moment but then gradually let her gaze drop.
“You’re right.” She admitted sadly.
“It’s not a bad thing.” Buffy moved closer and took the blonde’s hand.
“I know it’s just that.” Tara took a slight breath and curled her fingers around Buffy’s hand. “Twenty four hour ago I didn’t remember her to miss her, but now I can hardly think of anything else.” The blonde looked up with tear filled blue eyes.
“Tara, I have to ask you a really serious question and I promise whatever answer you give me is okay but I have to ask.” Buffy took in a sharp breath through her nose and Tara nodded. “And it might be more cause of what I went through when I came back and how lost I was and how everything hurt so much, you might... I really hope you’re not feeling any of that.” She continued hating herself for what she was thinking but having to ask. “I know you will always love Willow, but before you see her, before we give her hope that you’re alive I need to know that you’re not going to take it away from her.” She looked up into blue eyes before looking down ashamed. “No one would blame you for wanting to get as far away from us as you could, as far away from all this craziness. It’s just...”
“Are you asking if I am going to leave?” Tara frowned softly as she asked for clarification.
“Yes.” Buffy looked up again. “I can’t let anything hurt Willow anymore.”
“No Buffy I...” Tara shook her head as adamantly as possible but then stopped. “Do you think I should?” She asked her voice totally different as her mind rushed ahead of her wondering if this was indeed what the Slayer was hinting at.
“No, no Tara.” Buffy shook her head adamantly back. “You were never meant to be shot that day, you shouldn’t have died. I have looked at the angle from the backyard a thousand times. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t what should have happened. You’re meant to be here, with Willow, with all of us.”
“B-B-But I did die.” a strange look of fear and worry flooded Tara’s face. “And… and I did leave you.” The panic she felt welling up inside her was almost palpable. “Oh God.” She drew in a breath from her ever-tightening lungs. “I shouldn’t be here should I?”
“Yes, you should.” Buffy spoke in a firm honest voice. “I’m not sure how all this ancestry stuff has worked Tara but I’ll get Giles on it and grill Anya for information to explain it to you. When I was brought back it was big ceremonies and all sorts of magic. You just woke up. That’s all, we didn’t do anything but let you wake up.”
“I’m sorry it’s just...” Tara forced herself to calm down a little. “It’s all so confusing.”
“I know it is but you have to trust the fact that this was what was supposed to happen Tara.” Buffy gave her a reassuring smile. “And with Madalene having gone through the same thing it underlines it. This is like a Maclay family secret, but a good one.”
“Maclay?” Tara looked at Buffy with her head tilted a little.
“You’re last name.”
“Is it?” Tara’s right eyebrow arched a little.
“You don’t like it?” Buffy raised an eyebrow. “I guess you could pick another one if you wanted.”
“No, it’s not that it’s just it doesn’t really sound familiar.” Tara shook her head. “I could have sworn it began with an R.”
“Rosenberg?” Buffy tested with a huge heart of hope.
“Now that is much more familiar.” Tara smiled as the name settled happily in her head.
“It’s Willow’s last name.” Buffy’s smile grew.
“In that case I think I should stick to Maclay.” Tara admitted softly. “That is until Willow and I decide to change it permanently.”
“Please don’t make us wear hideous green mermaid dresses like Anya did.” Buffy laughed.
“I promise.” Tara smiled knowingly because even though she couldn’t actually remember, something in her mind told her that that particular event should not ever be repeated.
The sound of keys rattling panicked against the door was heard for a moment before the lock finally gave way and the door came to a jumping stop against the chain. An unseen force pushed the chain back away as the door opened to show a very out of breath and upset witch.
“Where is she?” She stamped in a hand to her chest trying to get the burning feeling to leave after the long run. “She read my mind, I so hate it when things do that to me and then disappear.”
“Madalene, Anya was here and she’s gone.” Buffy stood up worried by the spell casters obvious exertion. “Sit down.” She motioned to the other bed.
"I'm sorry I was trying to warn you." The spell caster went over and dropped down. "I'm not great with..." She huffed and puffed. "Running."
"Well if you ran from the shop I can get that it is more than a few miles." Buffy raised her eyebrow.
"Are you alright Tara?" Madalene questioned worried.
"I'm tired." Tara confirmed
“Have you had more pain?" The brunette's breathing eased back to normal. “I was able to get some suitable crystals."
“No I feel more, at peace some how." Tara frowned trying to express how she felt "Actually if ii think about it I feel," She paused "Sleepy.”
“You should sleep then.” Buffy smiled softly. "I'll come back in the morning with your stuff and Xander wanted to see you, if you don't mind?"
“I don't mind," Tara closed her eyes smiling softly, she opened on slowly with a grin, "He's house trained right?" she checked
"I'll tell him he has to even bring you flowers." Buffy grinned back as she grabbed her coat.
by molsongrrrl » Wed Jun 05, 2002 4:57 pm 
But there's hope again, and thats so good, cos without hope what would we do? 
and i just had to say what a brilliant fic this was, of course, what else could i expect of the fantastic rainbowwriters? 
at: 6/11/02 8:38:00 pm
I am actually glad someone told her what is really going on with Willow. Secrets should not be kept from Tara. All we need now is for Tara to help Willow through her tough times. Tara is the only one who can.
at: 6/13/02 12:42:21 am