Okay folks, two more chapters for you. I've been meaning to get them up for a few days now, but I'm currently out of town in Seattle. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the direction it's going - I'm such a sucker for romance, so rest assured, it's on it's way. Thanks for all your comments and feedback!!
{Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything regarding BTVS, and this is pure fiction}
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Welcome to the Show
Chapter 5
It was only nearing 9:00am, and as Willow slouched over in her computer chair trying to distract herself from the obvious, she couldn’t calm the storm in her inner core. Buffy still hadn’t shown up, and nothing could portray her anxiety better than four nearly empty walls and silence.
Deciding she had enough of nothingness, she stood and made her way over to where her and Buffy kept all their cd’s. At least music provided some welcome pseudo-company.
‘Tiffany, Brittany Spears, Madonna? Come on Buffy, you’re a vampire slayer, don’t you have anything…edgier?’ Willow sifted through the cases, trying to find something to better suit her mood. Finally spotting a stack of her albums on the final shelf, she continued sifting until coming across an old favorite.
“Ahh, perfect,” she whispered, she loved ‘Disintegration’ by The Cure. As much as a perfectionist she was, she proceeded to inspect the disc of any scratches, and once satisfied, put the disc on play.
She loved how slow it started, and how slow it built up; each song turned into a beautiful crescendo and snipped at her heartstrings, causing her to understand exactly what the striking singer was crooning about.
Opting to lay on the bed rather than sit back in the uncomfortable wooden desk chair, she flopped onto the mattress and reached for her pillow.
‘It shouldn’t have to be this hard,’ she thought, ‘what’s gotten into me?’
Though being lulled into something rather than inner chaos, she knew the only way to fix anything would be to go to the source, Tara. Even the silent mention of her name caused a friction deep within, but was it fear or was it excitement?
“Sorry I’m late witchy-poo,” Buffy apologized as she entered the room, clearly with more energy and spunk than the usually bubbly Willow. “Whoa, you okay?”
Upon spotting Willow on the bed sniffling, she knew this was a bigger deal than just a bicker between her and her new friend. Maybe Willow was homophobic? Despite seeming fully supportive of previous classmates’ sexual preferences, it was possible for a person’s mind to change, wasn’t it? Either that or Willow was starting to have feelings for Tara, and she was deeply in denial…deeply.
Shifting from where she laid on the bed to be in eyeshot of Buffy, Willow took a bated breath and went on an internal hunt for the words that made her victim to everything she questioned.
“I…and…Tara, it’s a mess,” she managed to mutter, hoping Buffy would just take a leap and read her mind without having to say too much.
“Will, are you sure you’re not making too much out of this?” Buffy delicately questioned, moving over to the bed to take her friends hand. “I mean, you screwed up, yes, but it’s nothing that can’t be fixed with an apology, am I right?”
“I don’t even know anymore,” Willow replied, “I don’t even know what I feel.”
“Whoa Will, what do you mean? Are you upset because Tara’s gay? Because why else would you be so upset? I mean I know you and the whole not talking to Tara after her confession thing, but, come on, spill it….” Buffy spoke softly as she caressed her hand. For the first time she actually felt Willows turmoil, rather than just seeing it from the outside.
Willow sighed and wiped away the wet red strands of hair stuck to her slender cheekbones from the tears. She wasn’t sure herself why she was having this sort of meltdown, but it’s almost as if it was necessary for whatever reason. It’s like there was a good angel on one shoulder and a horrible one on the other having a showdown. Only they weren’t telling her to choose either good or bad, they were arguing about something much more complex.
“You wanna know something?” Willow finally said as she arose from the bed, wandering over to the other side of the room to where her stereo was still playing the Cure at a generous volume. “ When Tara told me she was gay, the only thing that was on my mind is how I didn’t have to worry about her coming onto me because I wasn’t nearly good enough for her. Can you believe that? I wasn’t thinking it was sick, wasn’t thinking it would be awkward, nothing. And then I got so…tangled up in my own babbling in my head that I couldn’t even hear her, what she was saying to me, what she needed to hear from me. I…I was too afraid.”
“Okay, no bullshit, tell me the truth, what were you afraid of?” Buffy asked, staring Willow directly in the eyes equal parts determination and sincerity.
Like a giant shift in the earth plane or a volcano erupting, all the adrenaline that held Willow’s wrists in chains turned into the breath her lungs were so anxiously begging to breathe…and it gave her the answers.
“Because I’m afraid that I like her, Buffy…”
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Welcome to the Show
Chapter 6
‘Okay, all I need is a pinch of lavender and a few drops of patchouli oil,’ Tara thought aloud, reading her trusty incense recipe from her oldest Book of Shadows. Her mother, a talented and versatile witch herself, let Tara copy the recipe down in her notes when she was just learning of her talents as a young Wiccan.
It blew Tara’s mind that the many elements of earth were all she needed to work magic, and that something as simple as incense could change someone’s mood so drastically for the better.
Once she had the ingredients together, she began to grind it with her mortar and pestle, putting her intentions into it as she did so.
‘I need peace, I need calm…and as much as Willow hurt me, all I want is for her to be happy, to have a good life. I just want to forget about all this, forget about her.’
A knock on the door threw her from her thoughts, making her drop her pestle onto the bedspread. No one usually came by, just classmates who needed help with an assignment or various students from study group. If it wasn’t one of them, there was only one other option, and Tara wasn’t sure if she was even open to that possibility.
“Tara,” Willow greeted the blonde once the door opened half-way, gazing into her resplendence and pallor. “I know you probably don’t wanna see me, but – “
“It’s not that I don’t want to see you, I just don’t understand why you’re here,” Tara said, “you made it pretty clear that you – “
“No, I made it unclear, foggy even,” the redhead tried to explain, “I just didn’t know what to say...I didn’t feel ready, didn’t feel worthy to know such a personal side of you yet, and I…well I freaked.”
Tara wondered if her intentions were true, if this was honest or a fake excuse to save face. Trying to stay firm but already becoming soft toward the woman standing at her door, she decided perhaps to let her into her room, where they could rationally discuss the mornings events and whether their friendship stood a chance. This was all so strange; and even though she knew it was inevitable she’d run into Willow on campus, she didn’t know how the morning’s drama even happened and evolved into this discomfort.
“Will, come in,” she motioned, stepping aside to let her in. “Why didn’t you feel worthy? Didn’t you feel the connection between us? You felt it, I know you did, and I wouldn’t have blurted out those details to just anyone, you’re…special.”
There was a slight blush in Tara’s cheeks and dew in her eyes; there was something about Willow that she welcomed immediately, despite the friction, which seemed to dissipate every passing moment. Maybe her heart was soft to the redhead because she already felt a love for her in a sense; maybe there was a kinship that did indeed run deeper than magic…
“I’m sorry Tara,” Willow apologized, taking the initiative to explain by sitting on Tara’s bed and patting it for Tara to join, “and there’s no reason you should even want to see me right now, I-I know that, I’m a spaz, the spazziest! I…um, just…couldn’t leave it how it was left in the Espresso Pump…and again with the spazziness, I’m…I’m sorry.”
“Then tell me what it was then, why were freaked exactly,” Tara finally took a seat beside the beautiful witch, crossing her legs and inwardly crossing her heart in hopes of not getting it tattered again. “Is it that you’re homopho-“
“Gods, no,” Willow replied, “I…I just I was scared because if…”
“Go ahead Will, just, tell me the truth,”
Sighing and taking a penetrating long breath, Willow knew it was time to make sense of all this, and Tara would be her listening ear. “I-I-I was scared because i--if you were gay and felt how mind blowing our connection was, platonic or…or not, that maybe…I was kinda gay because I felt it too…” her head dropped somewhat after she softly confessed, “then I thought, maybe it was just the magic, maybe it was just because we were both witches, you know, but as soon as you told me you were gay, all I thought about is how I would n-never be g-good enough for you to like me anyway, that I’d never be your type so I wouldn’t have to worry about you m-making a pass at me…”
In an awkward muted moment between them, a solace was felt that both girls didn’t think they’d be feeling for quite sometime. It was as if the world was won by the infinitely good and evil was down in the ashes. Now here they were basking in the afterglow of a battle well fought with the entire world in the palms of their hands.
“H-how could you t-think that you wouldn’t be good enough for me?” Tara asked in disbelief, careful to keep her distance from Willow when all she wanted to do was instinctively caress her pale hands that began to nervously fiddle with the quilt bunched up on the bed.
“I don’t know, you’re just…Tara, it’s hard to explain really, it’s just this feeling that seems to take my stomach and turn it into knots, but the good kind of knots, like…the really good kind,” she answered, feeling the breath she exhaled fall from her thin shapely lips in short spurts.
‘She really thinks that of me? Me? I must be dreaming, really. Note to self, if this is a dream, I have to remember it when I wake up tomorrow,’ Tara thought incredulously with hope cheering on her senses.
“Just so you know Will, my stomach’s been in knots since I first saw you at the Bronze,” she offered her heartfelt response, shedding some shyness to break through to something more. “I told myself you were off limits though, that despite being beautiful and intriguing, you were straight and untouchable, so you have to know I respected who you are from the get-go…”
‘That’s so sweet,’ Willow swooned as she reflected inwardly on how she met the mysterious and attractive blonde the night before, ‘I just…I don’t know what this means, am I gay? Am I bisexual? I guess it doesn’t matter…I-I…just know I like Tara, I’m positive of that now.’
She took a moment to revel in the bliss of Tara's physique; her eloquent features that she could almost swear sung her poetry as she gazed upon them. Her shiny blonde hair that hung beautifully over her slender shoulders, her lips that looked more suited for a sensual kiss than reciting spells and incantations, and those eyes...wow. She was realizing more and more that this was more than fate, and she had to play her cards right from here on in.
“Let’s just start over, okay?” she suggested, boldly adjusting herself on the bed to move closer to the blonde, “I need you to know that in no way do you disgust me and that being gay isn’t bad in my eyes…it’s good actually.”
“Good?” Tara whispered, measuring the heat in Willow’s eyes before slipping her fingers in with hers, then once intertwined, stroking her thumb against her wrist. The subtle grin that grew across the redhead’s lips told her everything she needed to know…
“Yeah, it’s um, perfect actually…” Willow said beyond her smile, trying to keep her rapidly beating heart from leaping from her chest in victory and pleasant fear.
Looking down to their hands and tightening the grip, Tara sighed and decided a fresh start would be more than just a daydream. “I’m Tara,” she re-introduced herself, “pleased to meet you.”
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