Endless Moments: Destiny

[The Inward Sea]

Grimlock72 wrote:

Quote:

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hmm... just wondering how that spell 'decides' which memories to delete.

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The enchantment Willow used in the second version of the "Forget Spell" -on "Tabula Rasa"- went:



For Buffy and Tara, this I char.

Let Lethe's Bramble do its chore.

Purge their minds of memories grim,

of pains from recent slights and sins.

When the fire goes out,

when the crystal turns black,

the spell will be cast.

Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa.



In "Destiny", Willow just says "Forget", as in the first time in the show, but her intent was clear: to take away specific memories. As far as I know, in Magick, intent is everything, so specifying in the enchantment the span of the spell or just saying "Forget", for a witch as powerful as Willow would be quite the same.



Don't you think so?



Sea

[AntigoneUnbound]

DMW: I am falling into this story w/ true abandon, b/c I trust where you'll take me and how you'll do it; and I don't say those words lightly. Having read "The Dark Rose," I know your ability to create a world of profound heartache and philosophical import, and then deliver the goods in a well-crafted, well-paced, and well-executed way.



The flashback scene when Tara "sees" all the other figures, making their own way through the garden, was just incredibly well done. You've created a fantastic metaphor here and you know how to use it.



The implications of Tara learning that Willow had cast the Lethe spell are profound. As fascinating as the fact of the casting (at least to me) is Willow's palpable reluctance to do so, and her repeated offering to do more research in hopes of finding another way. She is fully committed to helping Tara survive this agony and recover from it, but she is also supremely aware of the implications of this spell. I share your frustration at the moral reprobation that the others heaped on Willow for her misuse of magic, and yet didn't they all benefit from her proficiency on more than one occasion? Weren't there numerous pressures on her to develop as quickly and as powerfully as she could, considering the evil that they faced? Yes, she was responsible for her decisions, but I read so many depictions of Willow as just reprehensible w/o any consideration of how much her friends encouraged her magical development. And the show...don't even get me started on that dreck.



And in the midst of such mystical imagery and existential profundity, we read this: Destiny, eldest of the Endless, ancient and powerful beyond mortal comprehension, was carrying a picnic basket. See, that's just a great touch, DMW--not only the image, but the structuring of the sentence itself such that we see Destiny, in all his power and majesty...and then he's carrying a picnic basket. Perfect...



All this by way of saying that I'm enjoying this immensely, DMW!



Mary

[TromDeGrey]

I know we talked about this earlier today, but I figured I'd put it out publicly too. I had a very intelligent woman once tell me after reading something I had written that she craved more of the story. She wanted to take in all the details and let them sink in. I didn't understand that feeling at the time, but I do now. I'm just craving more and more of this. This story is so tightly written, so much compacted in to so little space and I'm wondering how it's all going to end. Knowing your wonderful style it won't really end though, will it. There are always possiblities beyond the tale itself. And the spell!!! What a great twist on a wasted ME effort. It explored and gave weight to Tara's horror after Glory's mindsuck, but it did it in just a few lines. Spectacular stuff and I can't wait for the end now!





Oh, and I thought about mentioning the oak and linden trees, but felt like too much of a freeloader.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck

[darkmagicwillow]

The third and final part, Choice of Destiny, should be up this weekend or by Monday at the latest. I've got it back from beta'ing and just have to find time to make a few changes.



Thanks as always for reading and for the wonderful feedback. I don't quite have enough time tonight to get to you all, but I will get to you before the next update. I promise.





Marilda: Thanks. Eloquent or not, I liked your words as they made me laugh when I first read the page. I'd love to hear more from you when you rediscover your eloquence though.



justin: It's great to have someone catching the Sandman references buried in this story. I wanted to emphasize Destiny defining free will in this piece, as he and Tara discussed free will and what it means for people and their stories. You'll see more of Death next chapter, and I have several story ideas about her floating around in my head.



Sea: It didn't seem so gross until you mentioned it! I always liked the idea of seeing without physical eyes too. Hmmm...meditation exercises?



I always loved the choruses in the Greek plays, though I know it's supposed to be an advance in drama to have eliminated them. There is that Woody Allen movie which has one, but I'd love to see more modern plays with them. Why adapt Shakespeare to modern forms, as has been done so often, when you could adapt him to ancient ones?



It sounds like the tension is working at the end...



allykat: Thanks!



JustSkipIt: Thanks. And hey, paragraph by paragraph feedback? Always appreciated. Dense? Hmmm...is that dense like a rich, flourless chocolate cake or dense like an undigestable rock? (-;

The conceptual framework of Destiny is mind-boggling. That we have free-will and yet what we will choose is already known and written in the book.

Here Destiny is speaking for me. That's essentially my view of the world, stated without the science that usually accompanies it. Physics offers us both deterministic and random processes, neither of which correspond to what we think of as free will. Our concept of free will is only possible because we don't have the computational resources to calculate what we're going to do before we do it. However, should it bother us that our choices emerge from a vast quantity of past events and present circumstances on a molecular level, because isn't consciousness in fact an emergent property of all those same small events, past and present?



However, for a fantasy idea, I like your idea of the Book of Destiny being a living, changing entity that creates itself as the pages are turned. I'm surprised you anticipated Willow's action in the vision; that's very perceptive of you.



Grimmy: You say "After all if you read you would take a left turn at a specific point, you could easily turn right..." but that of course is the question. Can you make such a change? Australian writer Greg Egan's "The Hundred Light Year Diary" (in his collection Axiomatic) is a deep examination of just this problem. I think Sea answers your other questions better than I could.



Triscuit: Ah, revenge is sweet. Getting you to purchase books for a change. (-; I'm happy the flashback to the real first forget spell worked for you; I have a very difficult time accepting Willow's canonical first such spell myself and writing this has offered me a way of understanding it too.



Sea: Wonderful answer. Thanks.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 7/24/03 8:34 pm

[The Inward Sea]

A beautiful landscape for a meditation -visualization- exercise:

Quote:

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A footbridge of white marble, its stones marred with age but enduring nonetheless, crossed a small stream. As she crossed the stream, a small voice in her head reminded her that no stream flowed into or out of the hedge maze, but a deeper intuition within her told her that she was on the correct path, that this strangeness was to be expected.



She emerged from the hedge maze into a garden, beautiful but ancient beyond comprehension. Ruins, stone arches and fragments of walls like the ones she'd seen in pictures of Greece and Rome, were dotted across the landscape. Above, the sun was huge, red and bloated with age.

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I love the way the choruses on Greek plays enhance the frightening knowledge the audience has of the way the story will end. Shakespeare with a Greek chorus? I would love that!



Sea

[slowontheuptake]

Wow, I have to come out of lurker mode to comment on this.

Combining Willow and Tara with one of my all time favorite stories? So cool.

I've missed the Endless and am glad to have any of them back for a while especially when they are written this well. I love the concept. You've realy captured the feel of Gaiman's mythology and charactor(s) here.

Feel free to bring back any other Sandman charactors you feel like. Honestly. How about Delerium or Desire or Rose or Barbie. How about the Cornithian?

I guess you do have Death already so everything else would be iceing anyway.



OT: In case you don't know, Gaiman is coming back to put out seven more one-of's featuring each of the endless. Each is being illustrated by a seperate artist and almost all are favorites including Milo Manara, Dave McKean, Bill Sienkiewicz and Glenn Fabry!

They should be coming in September. I am sooo happy about this.

[darkmagicwillow]

Here's my second reply, written after the power failure. It might be a bit shorter.



Part 3, "Choice of Destiny," will be posted tomorrow.





Antigone: Thanks so much. The "blind" seeing scene is one of my favorites too, both in itself and because it offers explanations for two of the unresolved mysteries of the Sandman universe: 1) why Destiny is blind, 2) why does no one ever appear to be in the Garden.



And yes, all the Scoobies did benefit from Willow's magic and encouraged her to use it, so it just makes no sense for them to be suddenly against it (unless they all got the memo about magic suddenly becoming crack and Willow didn't?) I'm glad the humorous contrast between Destiny and the picnic basket that seemed so clear in my head came through in the text.



Trom deGrey: That's a beautiful compliment. Thanks.



As for the myth of Baucis and Philemon, the oak and the linden, hidden in the text, that's part of the Sandman atmosphere, as there were always more references to stories, modern and classic, tucked away in the text or images than you could ever see on first or even second reading.



Sea: Wow. You're back with more comments. It was a meditative experience walking the less visited ruins of the Palantine Hill or the Villa Adriano. I've recalled those experiences again recently, thanks to the wonderful Memoirs of Hadrian which you recommended to me.



slowontheuptake: There are so many wonderful Sandman characters that have so much potential beyond the confines of the ten books. Myself, I'd love to see Tara interact with Mad Hettie; I just think they'd get along. You'll see some brief images in the next part.



Thanks for the recommendation. Here's a short blurb about the new Sandman book, which you'll notice almost steals my title:

Before becoming a New York Times two-time best-selling author, Neil Gaiman revolutionized the comic-book medium with THE SANDMAN. The most acclaimed and award-winning comic series of the last decade, THE SANDMAN is a rich blend of modern myth and dark fantasy, in which contemporary fiction, historical drama and legend are seamlessly interwoven. Critically acclaimed and award winning THE SANDMAN set new standards for comics literature, and the ten volumes of THE SANDMAN library are set as one of the high-watermarks of the field.



THE SANDMAN: ENDLESS NIGHTS will be a delight to fans of Gaiman's work and newcomers to the graphic novel medium. Whether haunting, bittersweet, erotic or nightmarish, the seven stories in this book, one for each of the Endless siblings, reveal strange secrets and surprising truths about the Sandman and his family. Each story is illustrated by some of the greatest comics artists from around the world.

Check here for full details.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 7/27/03 5:51 pm

[JustSkipIt]

Hey DMW,



To the question: more the first: chocolate cake. Certainly not undigestable.

Quote:

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After all if you read you would take a left turn at a specific point, you could easily turn right..." but that of course is the question. Can you make such a change?

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A few years ago there was a movie: Frequency. I went to see it because I like time-travel type stuff and was so incredibly disapointed for a lot of reasons. But one of the was: part of the premise of the movie was that the main character's father died when he was young. The father was a fire-fighter (or maybe police-officer) who died in a fire. The son is able to contact his father by a two-way radio back in time and tell him to "turn the other way" or some such malarky. So voila the father lives. Well, how stupid is that? Can you imagine being in the heart of a four-alarm fire and every corner you come to stopping and thinking, "which way did I turn in the original history? which way should I turn now? Was it this corner or the next?" He would never be able to make a decision at all... It just popped into my head so I babbled it here.

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"Seek the company of those who are still seeking the truth and run away from those who think they have found it.--J.T. O'Hara

[darkmagicwillow]

Title: Endless Moments: Destiny

Author: Dark Magic Willow

Email: darkmagickwillow@yahoo.com

Rating: R

Disclaimer: The characters of Willow and Tara belong to the producers and writers of BtVS, while the characters of Destiny and Death were created by Neil Gaiman.

Distribution: Please ask.

Spoilers: Through Entropy

Feedback: Yes, please.

Pairing: W/T

Acknowledgements: Thanks to my beta readers Triscuit and Tulipp.

Summary: Tara meets her family. A choice is made.





Part 3: Choice of Destiny



Omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis

All things are subject to change and we change with them

-- anonymous, often attributed to Ovid







Death's eyes seemed to fill the world as she looked into them.



Her gaze wasn't terrible or empty as Tara might have once feared. Instead, Tara felt as if she was falling into those limpid eyes, like she could drown in that sea of understanding and compassion. For just a moment, she wanted to forget, let go, and to do just that.



Almost unwillingly, forcing herself to remember whose eyes she was looking into, Tara looked away from that gaze, holding onto thoughts of Willow. Willow, who she had just found again. Willow, who she intended to hold and protect for as long as she lived. Willow, who told her stories by candlelight to get her to fall asleep, who had spoken softly of a Jewish legend of the Angel of Death, an angel who was so beautiful that your soul would be drawn out of your body simply by looking into her eyes.



Tara could feel that pull now, as she had once before while looking at a portrait on Destiny's wall.

"These are my siblings, your aunts and uncles, Tara," Destiny said as he unbarred and opened the double doors, which had always been securely closed before. They led into a long hallway with portraits along one wall. "Each of us represents an aspect of existence."



The portraits were large, the individual figures within them life size. The people in the first couple were dressed in the formal styles of the 17th century, but they looked so lifelike that Tara half-expected them to step out of the pictures and into the hallway where she was standing with her father. Tara could sense something in this place, something deeper and older than magic. This was family. It had roots far deeper than her own lifetime.



The first canvas held the image of a woman of about Tara's own age. Her pale skin was accentuated by the absolute black of everything around her. Her dress. Her wide-brim hat. Her parasol. The only bit of color about her was a silver ankh on a chain around her neck. She was saved from looking too proper by the tiniest quirk of her lips that betrayed a bit of mirth, as if she couldn't take all this formality seriously.



"She's so beautiful," Tara exclaimed, as she leaned forward to look more closely into the woman's eyes which seemed so full of emotion. "Is she love?"



"She's Death."



"Death?" Tara exclaimed, jerking back from the picture. "Isn't Death supposed to be a skeleton with a scythe?"



"People have a tendency to see what they expect to see, and as they needlessly fear her, they imagine her as a horrifying apparition."



"Needlessly?" Tara asked, arching an eyebrow in surprise.



"Birth and death are transitions, entangled aspects of existence which couldn't be without each other. My sister governs these changes, ensuring that people have a guide as they enter and depart their lives."



The idea appealed to Tara, her mother having taught her about the interwoven nature of life and death, but she still didn't want to spend too long with this particular aunt of hers, so she walked to the next picture. "Who is this?"



It was a slender, pale man wearing a tricorne hat and a billowing black cape. One hand was on his hip, while the other held a carved walking stick as he looked sternly out of the picture. As Tara peered closer in an attempt to discern detail in the shades of darkness, she realized he had no eyes.



"This is my brother, Dream, whose realm you visit every night."



Destiny walked past the next portrait, which was shrouded by heavy, velvet curtains, without a word, his stride the smallest bit faster than usual. Tara lagged behind, curious about what could have so affected her imperturbable father. She halted in front of the curtains, wanting to see what they concealed but afraid to open them without permission.



"Why do you have this picture covered?"



When Destiny turned back to face Tara, his face was impassive, betraying no sign that the hidden portrait disturbed him. "It is covered because he is no longer part of the family."



"How? Why?" Tara exclaimed. She didn't think her father was like that.



"He abandoned his realm, his responsibilities, feeling that it should be no one's responsibility to control his domain."



"And that bothers you?" Tara asked with a tinge of challenge in her voice, then added in a softer, calmer voice, "I mean, I know your responsibilities are important to you, but..."



Destiny stood quietly for a moment, his fingers playing on the bindings of his book as if he wanted to open it and read his words from its pages instead of coming to them of his own accord. "It was his destiny," he said finally. "And I am Destiny so it cannot bother me." He started to resume their walk down the hallway.



"What was his name?"



"Destruction," Destiny said. "Nothing new can be created without destroying the old. His responsibility was ... change." He said that last word reluctantly as if it were the name of a demon which would manifest upon its utterance.



"Change?"



"Something that you can experience, but which I never can," Destiny replied. Despite his uneasiness with the word, his voice held a hint of longing for what he could never have.



When he turned away again, it had a sense of finality so Tara followed him down the corridor to the next portrait. It turned out that the next portrait was actually two paintings, hung close together. They shocked her speechless. In the first one stood the most beautiful woman Tara had ever seen, a devilish smile on her face. She was dressed in black leather like a dominatrix. Beside her stood a hideous, squat woman wearing nothing at all. Her eyes were grey and her teeth were tusks.



"The twins: Desire and Despair," Destiny introduced them.



Tara shuddered, unsure which one of her aunts she feared the most. There was nothing safe or loving in the face of Desire, but her heart plummeted when she looked into the grim, doubting eyes of Despair.



This time it was Tara who moved on to the next portrait.



The last painting was of a young girl of Dawn's age, standing in the middle of a grassy field with rolling hills behind her in an idyllic countryside. She wore a simple dress of pale blue and held a bouquet of flowers in her hands as she smiled out at Tara.



"What's her name?" Tara asked, unable to keep from mirroring the happy young girl's smile.



"Delirium who was once Delight. The youngest of the Endless."



Tara stepped closer to the portrait, feeling sympathy for the girl who seemed so innocent and carefree in the picture. She knew that the girl was older than gods or worlds, but it must be an oppressive burden to carry such a name after having once had one so fair. "What happened to her?"



"Some things are not written in my book. She was very happy when she received an offer of marriage, but something went wrong and the wedding never happened."



"That seems to be a common theme lately."



"Ah, yes, Anya's wedding. Did you enjoy yourself?"



"The groom bailed out, demons attacked, Willow had to save me-"



"I mean, how did it go with Willow?" Destiny said, interrupting the litany of disasters.



"We didn't get to talk much with everything going on, but ... it went well." Tara smiled broadly. "Really well."



"So you've made your decision?"



Tara knew which decision he was asking about. It was something she had tried to avoid thinking about too much, but she could feel change blossoming deep inside herself, sending out new green shoots of feeling and desire. She had felt giddy and excited at the wedding, unable to focus when Willow was around. None of the problems--demons, obnoxious relatives, missing grooms--none of them had mattered compared to the opportunity to see and touch Willow again.



She hadn't realized it until now, but she had made her decision that day amidst the chaos of the wedding. Somehow it seemed appropriate that their rekindled love had emerged from such chaos and sadness as life and hope always emerged from destruction and despair. Even after the seemingly total destruction of a forest fire, new life would sprout from the embers. She would take Willow back. It might not be today, or tomorrow, and it wouldn't happen all at once, but she had already accepted Willow back within her heart. The rest was as inevitable as destiny.



"I have."

Tara had tried to explain her decision, her reasons, her feelings, to Willow last night when she couldn't wait any longer to be rejoined with her. But their love, their need for each other, had been too urgent, too powerful, and she had thought that she had all the time in the world. Looking in Death's eyes, she realized that she had no time at all.



"Hello, Tara," Death said.



"Hello, Aunt," Tara answered, trying to keep her voice from shaking without complete success.



"So you know who I am?"



Tara nodded, swallowing a lump in her throat. "Can I-can I at least say goodbye?" she asked. Though her choice had led her to this moment, she wouldn't take it back. Willow was her heart. Her destiny. She couldn't have made any other decision. All she wanted was one more moment in her beloved's arms to say farewell.



"I'm sorry, Tara," Death shook her head sadly. "I can't let you do that."



"It's not fair," Tara protested, tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks. "We had so little time together." There were so many moments that she was going to miss. Graduation. Moving into their first home alone together. Children. All the tiny moments that made up a life.



"It's never fair, Tara," Death said softly. She held out her hands. "Just take my hand."



"What will happen then? Where will you take me?"



"You'll find out."



"Why can't I just tell her goodbye?" Tara's voice was full of anguish.



"Too much weighs in the balance in this moment for me to change how you die."



"How I die?" Tara asked softly, then whirled to face her father. "Why does that matter?"



Destiny looked down at his book for guidance, as he always did in those rare instances when he felt uncomfortable with a situation. "Your death-" he began in his usual impassive tones, then broke off, looking down at his book again. There was a long moment of silence where no one spoke before he began again, sounding more human than she had ever heard him.



"There are consequences," he said, his voice full of pain. "This time Willow will go deeper into the dark magicks than she did when Glory sent you to the realm of my youngest sister, and the world will hang in the balance."



"But-then I need to speak to her, let her know that..." Tara started, her eyes flooded with urgent worry and need. She didn't know what she could tell Willow that make her death seem okay; she could barely face this moment herself, but she had to do something. "I mean ... I've got to change this."



"You cannot," Destiny said. "No matter what you do in this timeless span between moments, you will find yourself in front of that window where you started when time resumes."



"But why?" Tara cried. "Why me? Why now?"



"The bullet was just an accident, but its results are essential to the Story."



"So it's meaningless?" Tara said bitterly. "My life was just a way to force Willow to follow what's written in your book."



"I am Destiny. I am what is-"



"I know what you are," Tara shouted. "But you're also my father. I'm your daughter, not a fictional character following a meaningless, predestined path. How do my choices mean anything if they come to this?"



"We cannot control every aspect of our stories, my daughter," Destiny said. "But your life is not meaningless. I remember seeing you the day you were born. It changed my existence forever-"



"But you weren't there," Tara protested. "You're never there when I need you."



"In a sense, I'm everywhere," he said, quickly continuing before Tara could interrupt again, "but I know that is not the same for you. Nor for me. I read the stories about you in my book over and over, from your first steps and first words to your discovery of Willow, knowing that I'd have to wait to see you directly and always stopping before the end I knew must come."



"That doesn't do me any good," Tara said harshly. "If you love me, change this."



"I loved you the moment I saw you, seeing what your mother and I had created together," Destiny continued as if she hadn't interrupted. "Yet you also made me uneasy as I saw all the potential for change you contained within yourself. I am Destiny, first of and apart from my brothers and sisters; I do not sleep or dream, and without dreams, neither desire nor despair have a hold on me. I have not the luxury or tragedy of delirium, and I know when and how I must die."



"But somehow you taught me to dream, to know desire as I wanted you to live and to feel despair when I saw how short your time was, and your life and inevitable death have tempted me to the edge of delirium to avoid experiencing what I knew must happen. You brought me change, and that was unexpected for all that I had read in my book. Of all my siblings, only one have I ever dreaded: Destruction, for he governs change and that is one thing I cannot do."



"Yet he has left his realm behind, wild and ungoverned, leaving the choice to change within each of us, human or Endless."



Destiny looked down, seemingly exhausted after his speech. It was more than Tara had ever heard him say about himself, and she didn't know what to make of it. She sensed something important in his words, something that might save her from this moment, though she wasn't sure what it was.



"Big brother," Death said, placing her slender hand on his arm. "You cannot change the future."



"But I can," he said softly, his gaze unreadable as he turned from his sister to Tara. He took a pen from Willow's desk; the modern instrument looked anachronistic in his ancient hands as he used it to savagely strike out a passage from the yellowed page of vellum to which the book was open. "It's all I can do."



Tara, her heart pounding, felt vaguely uneasy at her father's words, watched as Destiny scribbled words in the book to replace those he had struck out. He held the pen awkwardly as he wrote, as if he had never written anything before. Then he was done. He dropped the pen back to the surface of the desk, the sound echoing eerily in the silent, timeless moment wherein her fate was being decided.



"It is done," he said. "Goodbye, Tara." He hugged her awkwardly.



"But you-" Tara began, completely confused. What had happened? Was she going to live or die?



"I don't know your future any longer, Tara," he said. "Or anyone's. It's all changed. But you won't die today."



"Thank you," she said, hugging him tightly. Her gaze was still uncertain. "But w-what did you do?"



"It's over, Tara. I wish there could have been another way, but there was nothing else I could do." He disentangled himself from her embrace, leaving her still uncertain of what was happening. He slowly unlocked the manacle that secured the book to his arm. Holding it open, he stared at it for a long moment, then dropped it to the desk upon which he also laid down his book with a curious mixture of reluctance and relief. When he stood again, he seemed straighter, taller than Tara ever recalled seeing him, as if he had been freed from a terrible burden. "It's over," he repeated.



"Destiny," Death said. Her voice was gentle, but sad. "Take my hand."



"No!" Tara shouted, still not comprehending but realizing that something was wrong. She ran to cross the room before he could take her hand.



As Death drew her brother close, her touch full of compassion, Tara felt like she was running in a dream, pumping her arms and legs as fast as she could without getting anywhere. Darkness hid what happened next; all Tara could hear was the beating of mighty wings. Then he was gone, and Death stood alone.



"What did you do?" Tara demanded.



"Nothing. He made his choice."



"And he died for it?"



"I didn't want to take him, but Destiny was the book, all the paths, past and future. He couldn't make a choice that violated that without unmaking all of that, unmaking himself."



"But-"



"I-I have other people to see." Death said. "And you have a life to return to." She vanished, leaving behind a dark silhouette, a hole in reality shaped like a young woman that faded after a moment as if it had all been a dream.



Tara instinctively threw herself to the floor even before she heard the crack of the window shattering behind her. She lay on the floor for a moment, her heart pounding with reaction, wondering if she was alive or dead, until the steady rapid beat of her heart and the panting of her breath told her that she was alive.



Fate wasn't immutable after all. Destiny had changed. For her, and for Willow.



"Tara!" Willow said, almost sobbing as she knelt beside Tara, frantically pulling her close. "Baby! Are you okay? Did you get hit?"



"No, I-I'm-" Tara began, looking down at her unblemished blue shirt. "I'm fine," she said, bursting into tears.



The End

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 7/28/03 4:40 pm

[Marilda]

Holy Shit!



There I go again with the eloquent phrasing. This was absolutely wonderful and amazing. I am in awe.

[BFR from Paris]

that was close!



Great story, I'm hooked!

[justin]

That was great .



I was a little surprised by what Destiny did at the end but after rereading it seemed totaly natural that he should do this. You really showed his frustration at not being able to change (which is probably because he was born before change existed) and over the fact that while he governs other peoples choices he can't make any choices himself.



Perhaps the reason that Destructions picture was covered wasn't because Destruction had abandoned his responsibilities but jealousy that he had done something that Destiny couldn't.



I have to point out a typo at the end. After the story is says "The End" when I think what you meant to write was "To be continued." After all three parts isn't really enough.



There will be more, right?

I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am

[russ]

Wow. What an amazing story. The poignancy of Tara begging for her life, not just for her own sake, but for Willow's. Her bitterness (which we've all felt) that her life was meaningless, "just a way to force Willow to follow what's written."



Then Destiny gives up his own life to change her fate. What father would not give his life to save his child?



And yet at the end it is so close. If Tara had been a bit slower in hitting the floor, she would still have been shot despite Destiny's sacrifice. So with the book of Destiny gone, everyone's destiny is in their own hands, right?



Although you are right to end this story here, I'm with Justin in wanting more. Greedy readers. But it's got to be a good story when you leave 'em yelling, "What happens next?"



Russ

[justin]

Russ, this is the third time that a member of the Endless has died and in both the previous cases, when Despair and Dream died, they were replaced by new incarnations. So I don't think that this means people destinies are in their hands, at no more so than was the case before.



The reason why Destruction was never replaced was that rather than dying he left, taking his gallery with him.

I understand, you should be with the person you l-love


I am

[Grimlock72]

Hmm... maybe not knowing the Sandman comics is more of a hindrance than I first thought. Sure Death is described as being beautifull and all, but she has her name against her, kinda reminds me that she is to be feared regardless of beauty.



The description of Life/Death as transition was nice but somehow that doesn't encourage me to die :-). The descriptions of Tara's "family" were informative, esp. the one about Change. Destiny really doesn't like Change does he ? That's interesting given that he's so fond of proclaiming that Destiny can't be changed, it that's so... than why the worry about Change itself ??



Destiny earns mayor points for embracing change to safe Tara. He did seem somewhat frustrated at not being able to choice for himself, though destiny would seem to be based on such at least to some extend (headeache inducing thought there:-). Did I detect some sneers towards a certain director/company/story in Tara's comments by the way ? Could be me mis-interpreting of course, but somehow I doubt that :-)



It's not stated exactly WHAT changes, but Tara throwing herself to the ground isn't going to solve the problem. It would only change who dies, Tara was shot in the back with Willow standing in front of her remember. Good thing that the bullet appearantly somehow misses Willow as well.



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 7/29/03 8:01 am

[TromDeGrey]

*GASP* Color me blown away!!! God, that was just so powerful! You should do short stories more often, my friend. You really know how to pack a punch with them. It's all just so layered. And I have to say, I love the thought of Tara making her decision during Hells Bells. As crappy as I thought the episode was on the whole, I loved W&T's interactions during it. It was that little glimmer of hope for me episode-wise. Destiny making the decision, huh? There's an enitre philosophy class waiting to happen! It was a theme that made me uncomfortable throughout the piece, the idea that we had no say and everything was pre-ordained, but you threw that into the wind with just a few words. Or did you? Hmmmm... We don't really know what Destiny's book said. DMW, you sneaky craftsman you. This was just a really really wonderful story. Thank you so much for sharing it!

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck

[darkmagicwillow]

Marilda: Thanks once again for your eloquence. (-;



BFR from Paris: Glad to see you here, but it looks like I hooked you too late.



justin: I struggled with making the possibility of Destiny changing seem plausible in this part, and I'm glad that I succeeded for you. I'm not sure that Destiny was envious of Destruction; I think unsettled is a better term. He's accustomed to things more or less staying the same, but Destruction's departure has set off a series of deep changes within the Endless themselves.



There won't be more of this story, though there may be other Endless Moments. There is an interesting loose end in Tara's possession of the Book of Destiny. Anyone want to buy a slightly used history, past and future, of the universe? It may not be completely accurate any longer, but it might be good enough...



russ: I'm glad you caught my thoughts about stories and forcing characters into them; it's not something that happens only in fiction, as the people around us, parents, family, and friends often try to mold us into the story they think will fit us.



Destiny's choice offers a new story, a new future, for everyone, but at first the changes are small such as Tara's near miss with the bullet that you mention. The past may be as malleable as the future too. A new story, and thus a new Destiny will arise, created by this choice, as Justin points out. However, this new Destiny will be a new person with his own personality, and he cannot be considered to be Tara's father.



Grimmy: I don't think you lose anything significant in this story by not knowing Sandman, though I strongly encourage you to go out and read the books. I've seen German editions, and I suspect there are Dutch ones as well. Let me know if what I said about incarnations of Destiny above helps you with any confusion you might have over Justin's post.



I did intend some of the comments about forcing characters into a predestined story to apply to Buffy, of course, though they're important thoughts about our real lives as well as I mentioned to Russ above. What has changed? In a word, everything, yet the differences will be small, almost imperceptible at first as they spread out from the time and place where Destiny made his first and last choice.



The changes were enough to change where Willow and Tara were when the bullet went through the room; I had a bit more on Willow originally, but I couldn't find a way to tell what was happening to her in those few seconds from Tara's point of view, and as Tulipp pointed out to me in feedback, that's a problem when I've told the entire story from Tara's point of view and the impact of the story rests with Tara.



Trom deGrey: Thanks, and I'm glad I managed to surprise you. I always wondered when Tara came to that decision; I figured it had to be before Entropy, even if it wasn't something she realized consciously yet. I didn't like Hell's Bells, but as you point out, Willow and Tara's interactions were great; there was so much going on in their faces and movements that I knew that Tara had to have made her decision there, in her heart if not in her mind.



The full consequences of Destiny's choice is an interesting subject to contemplate. It's never as simple as the dichotomy between free will and predestination.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 7/29/03 5:49 pm

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello, most inspired and dauntless of writers~~



I have so much that I want to write in response to this story, esp. this closing, b/c it's absolutely stunning to me on so many levels. I'm very pressed for time right now, however, and so I'm going to wait until tomorrow when I'm not as rushed. I just wanted you to know that I was utterly captivated by this.



Great work,

Mary

[The Rose24]

DMW,



That was magnificent!!!! I was completely shocked!!!



See? You have left me almost speechless.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[shuyaku]

Wow! That was simply amazing. I started reading this as soon as I saw that you had another fic up. However, after actually gasping, "Oh no!" outloud at the end of the first section, and assuming I was in for some heavy duty angst, I concluded I wasn't quite ready for it.



Then today I was surfing another site and notice they had updated this fic and listed it as complete. "Complete?" I thought, that can't be right. I headed immediately to Pens and scrolled through the posts looking for the 'The End.' And knowing that W/T happiness is the law, I figured it was safe to go ahead and read it. See first two comments above!



My 2 cents on Destiny's feelings toward Change... I see his feelings as almost envious. Change is the most powerful of the Endless I believe.



Destiny has known that his daughter was going to die at a young age since the day she was born. I think he was totally unprepared for the effect Tara would have on him - afterall, feelings and motivations are not written in Destiny's text, "just the facts, ma'am." I think in the end Destiny proved (to himself as much as anyone else) that changing one's destiny is the most powerful thing one person can do...



-shuyaku

[lipkandy]

Another wow here. Wow! another densely packed roller coaster ride from DMW.

so intricately constructed and beautifully crafted (as usual). I think I missed almost as much as I got out of this fic. this is one of those pieces that's more like an archaeological dig. you have to go in and carefully remove layers to really see it all.



I love the idea of willow using a 'forget' spell on Tara at Tara's request as a kind of slippery slope that leads to the events in Season 6. It actually makes sense (unlike the ME version) in the context of the show and Willow's character making it easier for to rationalize 'helping' Tara again with the Lethe's bramble.



and what an ending!! imagining Tara with a 'real' father who cares about her enough to sacrifice himself is a wonderful twist on the Tara myth. you know I had reservations about reading this, Sandman moratorium and all, but you were right and I thoroughly enjoyed it. thank you again for a wonderful read and for reversing the terrible and ridiculous events of S6 with a thoughtful fic that stays true to the characters and the buffyverse.



xomel

[JustSkipIt]

Hey DMW,



I’m totally and completely remis and tardy with my feedback. Definitely a jewel. I loved

Quote:

---

"The bullet was just an accident, but its results are essential to the Story."

---

No offense meant but sounds so Joss. Actually that’s kind of my view of s6. I hate what happened to Tara but it is essential to the story. Nothing else could have possibly big badded Willow.



Back to the concept of choice here. But here’s my question: is Destiny the only being who has choice? If every other being has no power to change destiny although they can make choices, but Destiny can do just that, can others? Or is ever choice made by anyone else just a step into Destiny? But now that Destiny has violated himself (that sounds weird), does it exist anymore? Is everything now up for free will/choice now that he is no longer ruling? And does that make any difference? Don’t we still go on our path whether he is carrying his book or not? The concept still exists even without the personalization of it.



Ok, I’m babbling here. I love your work. Absolutely brilliant. I especially love the small insights into W&T’s relationship from Tara’s pov. How does she make her decisions? To return? Etc. Wonderful and beautiful and great job!

---

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or demons, heaven or hell." - The Buddha

[darkmagicwillow]

Antigone: I look forward to hearing from you when you are no longer computerless.



The Rose: Thanks.



shuyaku: I'm glad the potential angst didn't scare you away for too long. You're very right that Destiny wasn't in any way prepared for how his daughter would make him feel; he relies on his Book and while it may tell him how people react, and even how he himself would react, to having a child, that's not the same as actually feeling it.



lipkandy: It's great to see you emerge from lurkerdom. I like your image of reading through layers of stories like an archaeological dig. And the slippery slope, yes, that was my idea as it's so hard to get the image of Willow in my mind to cast that first spell.



JustSkipIt: Thanks so much. That line was meant to sound like Joss and to reflect on my ideas of season 6; one of my ideas in writing this story was to examine his statement that he couldn't have written it any other way. You ask some complex questions:

---

But here's my question: is Destiny the only being who has choice?

---

Everyone has a choice, but their choices have already been recorded in the Book of Destiny. Think of it this way: what if I could make a duplicate of you and run it through time at twice the speed? In that case, I'd be able to tell what you would do before the original you did it.



Does that mean that you have a choice or not? I would say that the Book records what you would do anyway; Destiny does not make your choices for you. He only has foreknowledge of them. The paradox comes in when have foreknowledge of what you're going to do and that influences your choice, but you also have foreknowledge of that influence as well, ad infinitum. How do you resolve that infinite cascade of changes?



The Book supposedly contains the fully resolved chain of realities, merging the infinite number of possible realities like summing an infinite series. In scientific terms, this is the path integral approach to quantum mechanics. Destiny's alteration to the Book is equivalent to changing the initial conditions of the universe, shifting the particles of the Big Bang ever so slightly so that would produce a universe where that one event billions of years after the fact was slightly different, so yes, it's beyond the abilities of mere mortals like you and I.

---

Don't we still go on our path whether he is carrying his book or not? The concept still exists even without the personalization of it.

---

You're right. The concept does still exist, and so another personification of Destiny will arise in the same way that the first did with the beginning of the universe. There will still be destinies, but they will all be different than they were before.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[darkmagicwillow]

Having noticed the plethora of academic writings about Buffy, I was curious as what I could find about a deeper and better developed work like Sandman. Here's what I found. There's a new book, Neil Gaiman's the Sandman and Joseph Campbell: In Search of the Modern Myth, that analyzes the use of myth within Sandman. Here's a whole page on Sandman in Academia, including exerpts from people's dissertations and the like.



For those who are curious about whether the images you created in your heads from my writing are like those of Sandman, here is an image of Destiny:

Here is Death as Tara saw her:

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[AntigoneUnbound]

DMW~~ Ah, I finally have time to give the feedback I want to. I'll try to make it worth the wait.



First of all, the portrait gallery was simply inspired. I'd be quite curious to know how you envisioned each of the characters, if those depictions were of your doing. Whence the clothes? (Just as an aside, the family doesn't do much shopping at Laura Ashley, do they?)



You have a wonderful rhythm to your sentences, DMW--the idea of family being "deeper and older than magic...[with] roots far deeper than her own lifetime" was striking to read, to hear. With regard to that particular aspect, I was reminded of a dream I sometimes have in which I'm wandering around on my family's farm--I come upon an old, abandoned house, and I realize that within that house rest the secrets of all my family over several generations. (I'm sure the fact that my family has lived on that farm for several generations heightens the power of the dream.)



I was struck by the fact that before Tara knew that she was looking at Death, she imagined that it was Love and in fact was leaning in toward the picture. When Destiny corrected her, she recoiled. I think that captures very eloquently (and evocatively) the reaction that many of us have toward Death. When we recognize it as the end of our physical life, we pull back with aversion; but in its truest essence perhaps we are all at least somewhat drawn to it. I also very much like the fact that of all the Endless Ones, Death is the one that at least hints of having a sense of humor (the tiny quirk of a smile in her portrait).



I was intrigued by the idea of Destruction having "abandoned his post." If I understand it correctly, he stepped away from the arrogance of instigating change and renewal, and gave everyone the opportunity to create that for themselves. In some ways, he seems to beat Destiny to the punch w/ regard to encouraging humanity to think and act and choose for itself. I wonder, too, if there's a parallel to parenthood herein: what parent hasn't had to struggle w/ stepping back, letting her/his children decide for themselves?



The juxtaposition of Desire and Despair, of course, was stunning. I particularly appreciated Tara's discernment in realizing that while Despair was, not to put too fine a point on it, really honking ugly, Desire was also to be viewed w/ no small measure of wariness. Tara can see beyond the visual, more readily than most, it seems.



When I read of Delirium (nee Delight), I couldn't help but wonder: Who proposed? And who the hell would be so stupid as to jilt her, if that's what happened? I mean, do you really want to piss off her family?



The final scene was very, very powerful, DMW. As I read, I saw Joss and his ill-advised "master plan" in all their laughable, lamentable arrogance. "So it's meaningless? My life was just a way to force Willow to follow what's in your book?" and "I'm not a fictional character following a meaningless, predestined path." You know, part of what I appreciate most in this story is how well you give voice to what so many of us feel: Tara is anything but peripheral; anything but an extension of the "core" group. For me, her complexity and depth grew in proportion to the decline thereof for so many of the other characters (Xander and Buffy, in particular). Does that make any sense?



I so enjoyed this story, DMW. Anything else that you share w/ us will be most welcome.



Mary

[darkmagicwillow]

The images of the Endless are taken from The Season of Mists, my favorite of the early Sandman books. Desire might visit Laura Ashley, as she has good taste in clothes if a bit over the top at times, but you're right about the others. I'm not surprised that you picked up on the family deeper than magic line, which is one of my favorites from the story. I'm glad it worked; I kept being torn between adding more and feeling like it was too much.



As for the individuals, Death is my favorite, but as you point out, there's that simultaneous attraction and fear of her. Destruction's reasons for leaving are never spelled out in detail; I'd like to play with that idea more, but I think you're on the right track with the parallel you suggest to parenthood.



The twins are great together, and overall, I'd meet Despair over Desire any day; you can trust Despair at least and she has a difficult duty to fulfill. However, they always come together. I do have inklings of a Despair story in my head, with her watching Willow and Tara through the mirrors of her misty realm.



Good point about not wanting to piss off the family. He never explains why Delight became Delirium or who she was going to be married to; it was my idea that it was the marriage that caused the change, but there's definitely a story in there.



That makes a great deal of sense; Tara grew tremendously in season 6 while the other characters faded away or become so much not themselves that it was impossible to care about them.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[maudmac]

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---

I have often been adrift, but I have always stayed afloat.    --  David Berry,  The Whales of August