It's Catsick Monday, MKF! 11/4/02

[Dumbsaint]

Well, it's been almost a whole twenty-four hours since this Kitty felt the urge to on account of everyone's not-so-favorite show, but alas, this morning my cat, Chewie, decided to grace my entry rug with a little present. Better than Saturday morning when the lil demon got my pillow, though.

Today's topic? Pets, the lovable little rascals, and the irritating things they do with a twinkle in their eye, a more lively than usual spring in their step. Only cats can turn bodily fluids into grandiose statements of superiority. Well, and maybe camels, too.

So Kitties, what are some of your more not-so-funny-at-the-time but entertaining in retrospect pet stories? What do you think some of Miss Kitty Fantastico's antics have included?

[Spice Faerie]

I have a great pet story. Well, tons of stories actually 'cause I've always had at least 3 cats in my house but I'll just share this one. Several years back I woke up early one morning to the sound of my cat purring in my ear. When I looked down not only was my cat on my bed but he'd also left me a dead mouse right on my chest not a foot from my face. Well, needless to say that wasn't how I'd anticipated waking up but I realized it was meant to be a present so as grossed out as I was I thanked my kitty, gave him some treats for being such a good boy and promptly disposed of the mouse. No other cat I've ever had has been able to beat that...

Spice

[urnofosiris]

Well I have two cats now, sisters, primadonnas. I don't have any really amusing tales to share as I tend to forget anything funny that happens to me. I prefer to brood and scowl you see. There is one thing I like to share in order to get proper sympathy from my fellow kitties (rest assured, I won't get into the puke and shit stuff that happens with cats).

My cats are not exactly tiny and one time the biggest of the two was sleeping in my lap when suddenly her fat behind started to slide off, threatening to take the rest of herself with it to the floor. Now I am sitting on the couch and it is only a teeny tiny little way to the floor, nothing that would hurt a cat, but my cat being ever concerned about her personal well being decided to halt it's inevitable descend from my lap to the floor by inserting her razor sharp little front claws as deeply into my knee as she could. All ten of them. By the time the pain registered on my brain her ass had already hit the floor, but instead of letting go she just looked at me with that offended look cats can sometimes wear when they are interrupted from their much needed 22 hour sleep. As if I was to blame for gravity pulling her down.

I really love my cats, just not as much as they love themselves.

Edit: oh Spice Faerie, that happened to me as well like 20 years ago. I was visiting my aunt in Germany when I woke up one morning with a dead mouse next to me on the pillow. A gift from the cat of the house. I was very grateful and I still remember it like it was yesterday. [img:0c8a7a501e]http://216.40.249.192/mysmilies/otn/sad/iiworry.gif[/img:0c8a7a501e]

[tommo]

I used to have a dog that I loved beyond all reason, because she was very intelligent and generally got her own way. More so than me. So I was usurped as the spoiled brat of the family which, you know, I worked very hard to earn and maintain. Heh.

Anyway, one Christmas, my mum had made a huge Christmas cake. Personally, I hate the stuff, it's all too rich and fruity for my tastes and it's just...well...it's yack. But she always used to make one and there it sat on the kitchen counter, waiting for the marzipan and icing-type goodness.

I had had a group of friends over for a sleepover and we went into town together to flirt with boys (look, I was 15, okay?) and drink hot chocolate. Apparently you can do the two together in some parts of the UK.

Whilst we were all gone from the house, my dog had taken a liking to said Christmas cake. She had this thing where, if you left food out, anywhere, she'd go for it. Once she opened a box of chocolates and ate them, unwrapping them as she did so. God only knows how a friggin' dog could unwrap chocolates...but that's beside the point.

My mum and dad came back to the house and found remnants of the Christmas cake on the kitchen floor. My dog had eaten the whole thing.

Now, not only did I get the blame for this (as you do), but I was also berated for it all over Christmas. I mean, my mum made another cake (bleh) but it kept coming up how she was "my dog" and how "your dog ate our cake" etc etc to bloody infinity plus eternity to the power of ten.

The real finale came though, when I took my poor pooch out for a walk. It seems that the richness of the cake had wreaked havoc inside the poor creature, and suffice to say, it was making itself known quite visibly...out of both ends. I know I shouldn't say it, but I don't think I've laughed so much in years. The cruelty of youth, eh? But still...funny. Heh.

As for MKF, I think she'd play naughty when Willow and Tara are getting it on. I once had a cat jump onto the bed when myself and a lurvlee laydee were pre-coital. I find a water spray does the trick nicely with that li'l problem. Ahem. The cat, not the pre-coital thing...naturally.

[Dumbsaint]

Water spray, my bint? And you can aim, too. Really, whore o' my heart, your talents shine as brightly and numberless as the very stars.

[cesario21]

Well, today I'm sporting a delightful cat scratch down the entire leng of my middle finger on my right hand! SIlly cat fell off the bannister last night, I went to catch him and he used my hand like a pin cushion...OUCH!!!! But I love him really... And my other cat, Sooty, jet black, cute as hell, big ol'mummy's boy! He's morelike a dog than a cat sometimes...had to hand rear him as I rescued him from the local pet shop...he was for sale and was only 5 and a half weeks old!!!! Poor little thing. Mind you, he's as big as a house now...maybe it wasn't a good idea to feed him Miracle Grow...

Funny stories...hmmm, well Cola met my rabbit for the first time...went up to her (Mopsy), sniffed her and started gently batting her floppy ears, he couldn't figure out what they were!!! And Sooty is remarkably good at playing tennis with a rolled up bit of paper!


As for MKF, I go for pesky-cat-coital-interruption...

Snuggles and have a good day everyone!

Pillows xxxxx

[tommo]

[quote:b94e60c709]Quote:

---

Water spray, my bint? And you can aim, too. Really, whore o' my heart, your talents shine as brightly and numberless as the very stars.

---

[/quote:b94e60c709]

Ah yes. Well, a girl has to have a hobby, Julia.

[AmberEyedDragon]

I have had many many pets over the years, and too many stories to pick the best one....but there is always one pet I cant forget.

For a long time we had a lot of pheasants, two roosters, and a peacock. Then on day my foster father decided to get a turkey. Already stressed out from the roosters crowing all day ((he had thought that, stupidly, the roosters only crowed in the morning)) my foster father couldn't take it anymore when he found that our turkey decided to go on a killing spree, and peck the life out of our beautiful pheasants. So sad so sad *sniffles* We don't have any birdies anymore.

But I still have my two beautiful kitties ((and all of you guys of course))

Sara

[Tulipp]

Good thread. Funny stories.

A few years ago, I was making pancakes for my gf's birthday, and I left the bowl of pancake batter on the counter for a second and turned to find a spatula or something.

In the moment my back was turned, my cat Charlotte jumped onto the counter and landed with her front paws on the edge of the bowl so that it flipped on top of her and covered her in pancake batter.

I shrieked, as I do, and she took off around the house, leaving pancake batter paw prints in every room.

Finally, we caught her and got her into the tub, but the thing about pancake batter, see, is that it just sticks to the fur. So we were combing it out of her fur for days.

Okay, so it was funny then, too.

Edited to add: I have just been informed that there is, at this very moment, cat yack all over my dining room window seat and all three cushions. The kind with the undigested bits. I'm sure you all wanted to know that.

[Mrs Vertigo]

Ah, my cats got it in her fluffy little head that not only shes the landlord, but also that myself and the rest of her humans should live in the toilet and pay rent.

But, no, seriously, she loves me, when shes not busy, or tired, or preset on munching my toes to a bleeding pulp. In fact, she loves me so much that once I woke up in the middle of the night to find that she was giving birth to her firstborn on my bed. Oh, did I say on? I meant in my bed. Twas hell to get her to the crate we made out for her in advance, cause kitten #1 was already sticking halfway out. Ahem.

And actually, she sleeps in my bed every night. She waits till I flop my hand to the side and then she sits on it, purring all nice and friendly till shes asleep. Unless I move, though then its all hissing and clawing and feline cruelty, designed to teach me my place in the world.

And she eats like a pig.

I thinks its really all just bitterness for how I named her showing off. See, I called her Hatulit, wish is Hebrew for female cat, or maybe small female cat. Id be pissed if my name was Medium-Sized Human Female.

[Tsia]

My cat continually drags in wild animals from the outdoors (which is not nice - she likes to leave them on the kitchen floor where said animals are very easy to step on/trip over).

She's also rather obsessed with catnip. But it is adorable - we have this Cat-nip spray stuff, and my whole family sprays it all over various objects. She goes ABSOLUTELY MAD, I'm telling you. First she has to lick it all off the offending items, then goes on a nuzzling spree. It is very, very cute!

And sometimes, when I'm out for a walk, she stalks me to the end of my road, then jumps out at me. Insane cat!

Just today, my mother took a walk to the village shop - and my cat followed her half way there, trotting all the way. Awwww! My mum only realised she had been stalked, and had to take her all the way back.

All I can think of right now

[SlayerSydney]

Well, I have two cats and two Great Danes. Of all the stories to choose from my female kitty,Sabrina, has the best I believe.
When my then-gf and I adopted Sabrina we lived in a tiny Attic apartment. Not much space for little kitty Sabrina to get into any terrible mischief. Or at least that's what we thought.
One night then-gf and I had gone out to the local dive bar and gotten ourselves quite intoxicated. Upon our arrival home, we searched everywhere for Sabrina. The search ended when we fell prey to the evil's of alcohol and finished our night on a rather "loud" note.
The next morning our neighbor from downstairs knocked on our door and asked"Does this belong to you?" and she cradled baby Sabrina. She proceeded to explain that while she was cooking dinner the night before, Sabrina had fallen through her ceiling. She told me that she had once lived in our apartment and that there was a small hole beneath our kitchen sink that Sabrina must have squeezed into. Once she did this she found her furry little self walking under our floor and ontop of the nieghbors ceiling. During her exploration, she walked over a part of the ceiling that had been damaged from a water leak. Needless to say, she fell through the ceiling leaving behind a nice kitty-sized hole. The neighbor said she heard us come home during the night and didn't want us to worry about Sabrina. She said she was about to bring her back but didn't want to *Ahem* interrupt us.
My face turned a hundred shades of red as I quietly apologized and thanked her for returning my bundle of joy.
As for MKF, I could totally see her somehow embarrassing and in a similar fashion.

---

TARA(playing along):What about the Trio's evil scheme?
WILLOW:Kinda busy working on my own...She grins seductively, disappearing under the covers. Tara giggles -- then gasps in pleasure.---Seeing Red

[Dumbsaint]

LMAO SS

That's a great story. I love all these Kitty kitty stories, and even a turkey story, wow! Turkies. Gotta love 'em. (Especially smothered in their own gravy.) I dunno about you other South Park-lovin' kitties, but the "GOBBLES!!!!" episode is surely my favorite. I think it's even becoming something of a Thanksgiving tradition in my family. Yay us.

And whoever said that their cat sleeps in bed with them, I hope you don't have to fight over who gets more of the pillow like I do with one of my Bengals. It's a slight improvement from when he used to like to sleep actually on my face. Now he just shoves his fat, furry self against my head all night, trying to take up as much space as felinely possible in the curve of my neck-contour pillow. Kinda purpose defeating, that. He's lucky I love him so damn much, and that he's so devilishly handsome. Not unlike Trevor. Speaking of favorite "pets."

[cesario21]

On todays topic for discussion, I present you with a few extracts from a book titled '100 Ways for a Cat to Train its Human', by Celia Haddon. Enjoy!

'Place your bottom firmly on the newspaper your human is reading, being careful to cover the area scanned by its eyes.'

'Dive-bomb your human from the bedhead or nearby furniture to wake it up. Aim at groin, breast or head.'

'Climb up a tree or a roof. Cling there, mewing. When your human tries to rescue you, climb higher. Eventually a large red engine and several beefy people in uniform will turn up. Wait until they start climbing up the ladder, then leap down effortlessly.'

'Walk over the computer keyboard, being careful to press down the keys. Use your body to shield the interesting additions to the screen. Stand on one key so that a character repeats itself endlessly.'

'Eat a house plant. If you don't like the taste, tear it to shreds. Eat grass in the garden and come in to throw up on the best settee.'

'Anything soft - clean laundry, mink cats, lingerie, ball-gowns - makes a cat bed, except a newly purrchased cat bed.'

'Anything not nailed down is a cat toy, except a new cat toy.'

'Do some catnip. Lie flat on your back and roll your eyeballs. Making your human laugh is the key to a continuous supply. A laughing human soon becomes a catnip drug dealer.'

...and finally...

'If human mating activities interfere with your sleep, take a firm line. Put an end to these interruptions by sleeping between the human pair. If neccessary, rehome one of the humans.'



Hope that's all okay! Don't you just love cats?!?

Snuggles,
Pillows xxx

[orion]

Oh god too funny, I really don't recomend reading these while in your computer class....you tend to get funny looks from your mates while your laughing and giggling to yourself. Now to add my own cat story....so many to choose from...

My sister has a cat (spoiled as hell) you see when he was a kitten he had an upper respitory infection. She was so worried he was going to die in the middle of the night she let him sleep right next to her face. See as it so easy to train a cat to keep a bad habbit he still does this today. I had been asked to look after said beast and keep the house up while she was gone. I had been sleeping on the couch sort of watching tv with the cat basicly crushing my chest so I decided to go to bed.
I am awakened in the middle of the night by a strange noise and roll over to find her cat starring at me. okay that happens right...well he was laying in the bed under the covers and with his head on the pillow 6 inches from my face. Beady little eyes in a dimly lit room, not good. Scared the crap out of me so that I slid out of bed and closed the door with him in there, wanting to put as much space from the demon cat and myself. To this day I will not sleep in the same room with her cat unless I have a bodyguard.

[BBOvenGuy]

Good morning!

I have some good news on my cat Eugenie. If you'll recall, a couple of months ago things were not looking good for her. She's very old and her kidneys are in the process of failing. I took her to the vet today for a recheck, and she's doing very well! We've got her condition stabilized for the time being, and she's even gained a quarter pound since Labor Day. We've gone from a condition where I wasn't even sure how much longer she was going to live to a steady holding pattern. It doesn't change the eventual outcome, but at least Eugenie will be sticking around longer than any of us - including the vet and the technicians - thought she would.

My ex and I used to have a little white cat that was completely deaf, and not being able to hear made her fearless. Large dogs would come up and bark in her face, and she'd just sit there looking at them, which confused the dogs no end. You can find a picture of her here:

www.eriscorp.com/canterbu.../Sleep.htm

And here's one I took of my other cat Ikegami. I like the shadow in the picture:

www.eriscorp.com/canterbu...Shadow.htm

Have a great day, everybody!

[skittles]

I have a story to go along with Spice's dead mouse story, although my story isn't so close to the face... I will occasionally stay at friends' houses with their offspring when they wish or need to get away. It was during one of those visits where I received a wonderful breakfast treat from one of the family cats. This indoor/outdoor cat called to be let in one morning & when I opened the door to let him in, he looked up at me with his breakfast offering dead on the doormat. A small bird was there, very dead, but delectable to the ordinary cat, not the ordinary human.

I thanked the cat profusely as he entered the house & carefully lifted the doormat & dropped the bird off the side of the porch into the overgrown garden. I knew that morning that the cat had accepted me as part of the family & part of his responsibility to feed.

My lovely little orange skittles cat likes to barf semi digested food on the carpet or old newspapers about once a month or so. This always happens when I am home, not when I am gone, so at least I am not walking across the apartment and stepping into one of his messes. And I can't get mad at him because he looks so sick after that, I feel sorry for him. Sometimes he will repeat it after I've cleaned up the first barfing. No hairballs from him, just barfings.

But on a happier note, he is also a wonderful catnip addict, who reacts with absolute joy & ecstacy when his catnip sock is renewed with fresh catnip. No fancy catnip toy for this kitty, just an old sock filled with catnip to drool all over and mush his cute little face into.

As far as MKF, I feel that he would mimic the antics of Mrs.V's cat & have her kittens either in/on the bed or in the bedroom closet, hopefully not on any clothes.

[theatremouse]

this is interesting because, seriously every time i talk to my exgirlfriend, one or both of her cats are sick. it's such an odd phenomenon. i call from halfway across the globe and she tells me to hold on cuz the kittie's throwing up. it's so odd. and i dont know why he's always getting sick. so peculiar. plsu i'm totally not a cat person. major phobia. but anyway, this seems serendipitous seeing as i just talked to her two days ago.
that's the extent of my thoughts.
<shrugg>
peace out.

[LeBuffster]

cesario21,

My cat is just crazy! One second you think he's lying on the floor sleeping, the next second he jumps up and runs around the room like a lunatic. I can't eat anything with chocolate without having to give him at least a tiny bit. He just stands there with this puppy dog look and I can't turn him down. He's the cutest thing ever, him. When he was little (a half year ago) I was having a bath and he was so curious and jumped right into the water because he wanted to play with the bubbles. Now he's really careful with water

&
Diane

[Urn of Osiris]

I have many cats, all of which are barn cats. Their sole purpose is mousing.

The oldest cat "Sneakers" is quite the sly one. Finding mousing beneath her talents she has taken to frogging. Which isn't useful to me at all.

She sits on the edge of our pond, waiting and watching for their little heads come to the surface of the water.

Once they do she pounces into the pond swiming out with a frog bottom hanging from her mouth.

So instead of half eaten mice I find half eaten frogs. Always leaving the legs, guess she's leaving the best parts for us.

As far as MKF I kinda like to think she would torment Dawn if she is ever around, or maybe do the digging claws into Xanders kneecaps. Never to the ladies though. I think curled up and cozy on Tara's lap, with Willow hand slowly flowing across it.

[cesario21]

LeBuffster! My cat Sooty did that once...just jumped in the bath with me...had fun trying to scoop him out of the bath without getting scratches all over my naked self!*ahem* Poor thing, he ended up looking like the Pink Panther after I'd dried him...hair all on end! Mind you, he did smell nice afterwards! Cola on the other hand, HATES water...he can only just about bare drinking the damn stuff!

As a bonus, here's another bit from that book...

'Bubbles in the bath taste quite good and the water glitters in the light. But if you fall in, you will have to wash yourself three or four times to get rid of that revolting human smell.'

*chuckle*

Snuggles,
Pillows xxxx

[MAISEY12]

I have a lovely little dog Flo, she is a westie and is a character with real attitude. She won't listen to anyone but me and this of course drives my gf crazy at times, especially when she is walking her.

She is usually at her worst when there are other animals around, so much so that she is banned from the local pet shop, which is virtually one hundred yards from where I live.

I have over the past 18 months gotten to know Mike the pet shop owner very well. You see, Flo, sometimes manages to sneak out of the garden, without my knowledge and heads straight for the pet shop, where she often somehow manages to get in and then promptly barks crazily at the bunnies and gerbils, frightening them half to death.

Mike, is a lovely guy and really likes Flo, so he puts up with her occasionally gate crashing his premises and just calls me when she makes an appearance.

She is driving me crazy at the moment, bless her, she is barkin like mad because of the fire works.



Ann-Marie

[mscheckmate]

I'm so laughing at this thread. I have a very furry Himalayan cat, and she has turned projectile-puking into an art form. When I came back this morning from running errands, she had deposited her latest furball onto the living room floor. Fortunately, all of my floors are wood, so the clean-up is quick and easy. But, it's still gross.

This kitty loves food, whether or not it's destined to stay down. Whenever I'm eating, she sits by me and waits for me to give her treats. Of course, I share with her. Not that she's spoiled or anything. She's usually very well-behaved, but she'll occasionally try to steal my food. One time, I made nachos. I left the room for a minute, and when I returned, the cat had eaten all of the cheese off the tortilla chips.

[Grimaldi]

my cat when she was younger used to love to climb the screen on the back door, forgot she was there one time when i went to get something to drink late at night nearly had a heart attack. she also loved to beat up this one dog i had, was the funniest thing to see this little cat terrorize and pick on the dog which was bigger than her.

[Zippy]

My little bundle of kitten joy is called Missy and I could go on all night about her frequent antics.

Not to long ago I was painting my bedroom, knowing what a sod she could be I had shut her out of the room. When I was done, I popped out to the shops to get something but I made sure the door was firmly shut (or so I thought). I got home to find my ickle 12 week old tabby kitten, had somehow managed to get into my bedroom and rub herself up against the white paint. She must have also put her paws up against the wall cause I found tiny little paw prints all over my nice freshly sanded floorboards.

The cat we used to have when me & my sister where little was a great little hunter, always bring home little presents, usually they were the expensive carp from next doors pond.

[JulesP600]

I have four cats.....I am mad

My oldest one George is the one who causes most entertainment though. I have plenty of funny stories but one that sticks in my head well is this:

In our old house we had really big windows, they would tilt from the top or open fully from the side. We usually just tilted them though. George liked jumping onto the sideboard and the up on to the top of the window when it was tilted....bear in mind this is about 8 foot high.

One day we had the back room window tilted and George had been on his usual spot - sitting on the top of the window. He jumped down and went out for a bit so we closed the window as it was a little chilly.

Yes, you have probably guessed it.....

George comes back in, jumps on the sideboard and then jumps at the top of the window....

*SPLAT*

And then a very big slide down the window......

Poor cat!

[LeBuffster]

cesario21, about these scratches..I still think I have some scars after that incident not a nice experience..
I always heard cats hated water, but even after falling into the bath he still has his paws in his water (which he's supposed to drink). Weird cat...

[Puff]

My dogs haven't done anything that bad yet. I do know a great dane that ate 9lb's of uncooked christmas pudding mix when it's owners were out and then deposited it around the house out of various ends.

[TwiLightJoy]

Just yesterday we discovered that Star, our 2 year old (black with two small white patches), absolutely HATES to be refered to as "fluffy." She insists she is in no way fluffy, though she is getting her thicker winter coat, hence my gf remarked that she was looking rather fluffy. Her response was to bite Michelle's knuckles.

We thought it was just something where she was just irritated at us for sleeping in so late, until a couple hours later when I jokingly said "Hey, fluffy! Come here, fluffy kitty!" She ran up and bit my pantleg and shook her head. We began to make the connection. Plus she will make a terrible face at you, ears back, when you say the word "fluffy." I have taken to cradling her and calling her "the fluffinator," "Fluffzilla," Fluffula," etc. just to see her reactions. It's quite amusing.

Right now Michelle is walking around the house calling Star a fluff-weasel, with Star strutting around indignantly after her, no doubt looking for an opportunity to show her displeasure.

We have two other cats as well. One, Cleo, our outdoor cat, is decidedly unsociable. In an attempt to wake Michelle up this morning, I tricked Cleo into following me into the house, then scooped her up and dumped her onto our bed. Mish was happy to see Cleo, but Cleo was pretty pissed off that she was inside. Not only that, but I'd put her in *gasp* Star's room! Star was also quite irritated by this fact, and took the opportunity to chase Cleo all over the house. Finally Star chased Cleo to the door, which I opened and watched her zoom out onto the patio. She seems much happier looking in the windows at us than actually being in the same room with us.

~Joy

[WbBuffyfan00]

Ok well my big fat ball of fur has a new way to wake me up. She will jump on my bed and pet my face. If that doesn't work....she will proceed to poke my face with her claws until the pain is so bad I have to get up. I love my cat.

-Amy