FIC: The Dark Rose

[tiredsoul]

Yep, you caught me in a cliffhanger. Damn.



But this was well worth the wait.



I like Dawn’s comment about not being used to the chaos anymore. Everything did seem to happen on Tuesdays. She's a great character here. And she has a voice of reason. Who'd ever have guessed

Quote:

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No damage of total destruction would kill them, but they were a lot slower crawling and walking.

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I love that. Spirit reminds me of a S1 Buffy. I like that about her.



Great action sequence. I was hanging on to every word (almost fell off my chair). I like how you have Willow’s instinctual use of majick overridden by Tara but you don’t make it cut and dry. There is still Willow’s internal debate.



Amy the opportunist. She bugs the hell out of me. Any chance she could trip and fall? Maybe break her neck in the process? Just a suggestion



Thanks for the update.



--celia

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The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

[Grimlock72]

Cleverness over magic, nice touch... maybe Willow needs some incentive to look for OTHER solutions first as opposed to throwing dark magic at everything, even though it does work on everything (but not without cost).



It would indeed by typical for Giles to want to know the exact source of the spell, as opposed to Spirit and Willow who just want the zombies gone. There was a time Willow would have wanted to know that too.



Didn't entirely get if Master jr. is gone to some other dimension forever, taking the heart with him or if he just teleported. Based on what Amy thought I guess the later, which is too bad. I sooooo agree with Willow's opinion on Master jr. , pathetic amateur he is indeed. He should be almost entirely consumed by the heart by now I think. (considering he was far gone on casting the moon spell and how much power he used fighting Willow)



Interesting that if Amy had helped Master jr. even a tiny bit he might have prevailed in that fight. Bit sloppy that he didn't have some 25+ zombies around to protect him, then again it's likely arrogance that will kill him. He really didn't know how to use the heart against the scoobies did he ? Just used it as an overpowered lasergun, which I suppose is a good thing.



I really can't blame Willow to much for going all blacky after being blasted across the graveyard, heck that is what kept her alive. I felt her frustration at Tara too, who just doesn't want to use dark magic regardless of the consequences. It did force her to look for alternatices, I just hope she'll realize in time when no such alternative is available. Nice to read how Willow kept some magic reserved to evacuate her and Tara, I like people (and witches ) who think ahead.



I like the pragmatic scoobies, esp. this quote: "but they were a lot slower crawling than walking."



Hmm... the good thing about Willow not using dark magic at the graveyard is that Amy doesn't know how powerfull Willow truly is. That could be usefull sometime, for some reason I don't see Amy quitting her quest for the heart anytime soon Amy is likely jealous of Tara the most, rahter disturbing thought that...



Good thing Willow protected Tara M's grave using a lot of powerfull spells. Fighting a zombie-Tara would be rather unpleasant . I wonder if Willow or Giles will know recognize the heart-crystal for what it is.



I feel the need to mention that I really enjoy this entire story. The premise and all the stuff Willow has to deal with in regard to magic. This is much more how I would have liked it on TV, granted I would prefer a serie with Willow as main charachter but this comes close enough Ok, I like Willow-centric stories overall... huilty as charged Still I wanted to mention that some more



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 1/14/03 2:51:12 pm

[Patches]

That was quite the ‘edge of your seat’ chapter. If I wrote everything I liked about this chapter, it would be longer than your update. Enjoyed your allusion to Romero’s movies, and am grateful your resolution was a little less devastating than his

There are so many layers to this story, I am particularly pleased with how you are writing Willow – her torment and the desire to succumb to the ‘end justifying the means’ is palpable. One can truly feel the heart and soul of Willow’s struggle. Your disclaimer says that magic isn’t addictive, however, in some ways it is for Willow. I don’t mean addictive in the freaked out junkie way, but in the seductive power of the black magiks; the imperceptible lure of the power of her past the black magiks gave her. Particularly poignant was the scene where she grapples with the call of the sirens; Willow revelling in the glory of the dark power was quite alarming. What was the value of a promise compared to Tara's life? Indeed, like tormenting your audience don’t you.



I too like your Dawn, she is a voice of reason. I cannot (although I desperately want to) blame Giles for is hesitation, he has seen too much. Though it is interesting, Giles always did believe in retributive justice. The tension between Willow and Giles is well played, and I am grateful that you allowed Giles to see reason. I was as surprised as Willow with his acquiescence.



I now the story is “old” characters, and that Willow is really the one with all the power, however, Spirit seems awfully one dimensional. I realize she doesn’t have the whole story yet, but I think you could give her more ‘oomph.’ She’s just kinda ‘there’ because Sunnydale needs a slayer and Tara L needs a reason to hang out with Giles. She might be a character who can provide insight, without the emotional baggage of the past to deal with.





I was wondering how you were going to deal with the thousands of bodies littering the streets of Sunnydale. I liked your resolution, it was very cleaver and it worked (humm, still wondering about Tara Maclay’s body – but am relieved it was my overactive imagination and you weren’t setting up a showdown. Still, wouldn’t Willow, Giles or Dawn have thought about the implications of raising the dead, knowing Tara’s ‘old’ body had – was likely – to be amongst them. I don’t want to put Willow through more torment, but without it, it feels like a plot hole in an otherwise tight story.)



I like the pace of this chapter, the ebb and flow of tension – building, then relaxing, then building again, and just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water … BAM another wrinkle in the fabric of time.



Great update Dark Magic Willow – so, hum, when’s the next one due



Edited to Add: I crossed this post with your response - I wasn't thinking of the protection spell (D'oh ). But perhaps Dawn and Giles (and even Tara) might have considered this possibility. Just a thunk.

Edited by: Patches at: 1/14/03 12:32:25 pm

[AntigoneUnbound]

DMW--Oh God, there are just so many striking things about this chapter, and as I think on them, they seem to fall into the broad categories of description, moral choice, and destiny. (DMW paused, brow furrowed with regret. "Actually, Mary, the themes were 'life,' 'botany,' and 'first-round draft picks.' But thanks for playing.")



First of all, you did that zombie thing again, and you know what I'm talking about, considering my reply to your last installment. Sheesh, they're just so damn clear to my mind's eye...their ambulation, their dumb (in multiple senses) relentlessness, their slow movements that are so unnervingly at odds with their horrific threat. Your description paints such a compelling picture to me. The same is true in a far less terrifying way of Willow, and her use of magicks to fight them. I mentioned before the remarkable specificity and clarity of your descriptions when it comes to magickal phenomena, and those qualities were in full play here. The scene at the graveyard, in particular, was just brilliant. I saw it all, my emotions whip-sawing from dread to immense relief to quiet affection. Thank you for giving me such a wonderfully guided tour of an incredible battle.



The second element that stood out to me was that of moral choice. At multiple moments in this chapter, Willow could have acquiesced to the lure of dark magicks, esp. when she could argue so persuasively that she would be using them for a greater good. As the saying goes, it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

But this Willow has been tempered by experience and above all, by her abiding love for Tara such that she can't fool herself and recognizes that fooling (or deceiving in any way) someone that she claims to love would constitute a violation of that love. Repeatedly, she forgoes the option of dark magick. Isn't it ironic that with all of the magick she has at her literal fingertips, the greatest act that she can take in order to win Tara back into her life is to renounce the darkest of those magicks. It's a wonderful example of abjuring Herculean attempts to forge destiny in one's own desired image. She found Tara through magickal agents but Tara's reincarnation was in fact completely oblivious of Willow's interventions.



Finally, it seems like the idea of destiny is playing around in here. Tara has seen certain things in the scrying glass, but are they carved in stone? How many of those things would have come about only through a certain emotional reaction or course of action that either of them chose? And here Willow's emotional journey feels so incredibly important to me: she's so close to having Tara back, fully, into her life. How precious, how charged must each moment be for her, fearing that she'll lose Tara just as she's found her. Let's face it, their insurance will definitely be higher than if they were both accountants. (Not that accountants don't lead some pretty crazy lives...) They're both in mortal danger an ungodly amount of the time. Moreover, Willow has been so close to this goal so many times, only to have it shattered. Your treatment of all of this lends such a poignant aspect to considerations of how our lives come to be as they are, and the inescapable fragility of it all.



OK, those are what passes for deep thoughts for me today. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the wonderful humor touch: "Tuesdays were particularly eventful." (Forgive me if I don't have that quote exactly right.) Isn't that so odd? I've also noticed that May is always a particularly active (one might say apocalyptic) time for the gang. Coincidence? You be the judge.



Excellent work, DMW. I await the next chapter like a zombie awaiting instructions from her zombie master.



Mary

[The Inward Sea]

Darkmagickwillow,









Beautiful image. I love the way you write W/T.









Oh, they are now, aren't they? But we, lucky Kittens, have you, Triscuit7 and other wonderful Pens writers to make it better.





<"It would take too much energy," Willow said, her face grim.>



Wise witch and very intelligent writer.





<"Tomorrow doesn't matter right now," interjected Spirit. She was tired of listening to Tara's friend argue with Giles.>



Funny how things are reversed in your story, allowing a different point of view. Now Willow is *Tara's friend*









Oooo, Willow's major weakness: power.









*Glorious*. Great choice of words!









The Inward Sea sinks in her chair and bites frantically her well manicured nails, thinking "Oh, DMW, why are you doing this to me?".









Sea fans herself glad that Willow didn't dive in black magicks again.





Lots of action. Loved the battle with the zoombies and the Master. Its nice to see that a new Scooby team is created, will they stay together much?. Will Fate turn the facts so Tara's visions come true or Willow's decision to stay *white* changes everything? Mmmmm... a lot to think here.



Thanks for another great update,



Sea

[Sister Bertrille]

Hey, fellas, DMW got your action right here!



Well, that was a romp, and once again, zombies! I think what I liked best, besides the zombies, is how the ACTION! (exploding zombies! flying arrows! stakings!) is complemented by the action (less spectacular but more earth-shattering) of everyone taking a step forward. Willow’s realization that “she couldn’t use magic on Tara against her will again,” Tara’s belief that “[t]there could be a happy ending for the two of them,” Giles’ and Willow’s armed truce, are ultimately bigger than the zombie-brook, which you so thrillingly depict. I could almost smell the rotting flesh - thanks?



And I am loving passive-aggressive Amy (not that I would ever date anyone like that…again!),



SB

[VampNo12]

DMW, wow such an "action-packed", riveting update! I must say one of things I have enjoyed about this story (besides the obvious) is your use of imagery. Thus, I just loved this line, ("She smelled like a distant thunderstorm, wild and powerful."). And I think one of things that resonated most with me was Tara simply thinking, ("She knew that together they would somehow find a way through this night of horrors. In this instant, she was able to forget all her doubts and fears. Her angel was at rest here beside her,"). Here what's emphasized that no matter the danger, the "key" to overcoming their obstacles is "together", being able to trust, and rely on each other (ie not shutting the other out). Or put more simply they are stronger together than apart (ie Willow may have more "power", but the strength Tara can provide Willow emotionally allows them to be stronger as a "team", where Tara can "temper"/calm the "storm" that at times of crisis arises within Willow).



And what struck a chord with me in regards to working together to overcome their obstacles was the line, ("..... but she had since learned that Willow needed her as much as she needed Willow."), as well as Tara not letting Willow push her/the gang to the "side-lines" by poignantly saying, ("You can't live my life for me, Willow"... "I seen what you went through, but you can't lock me away from life to keep me safe."). Really such a profound statement that in order for them to have a "true" relationship it must be an equal partnership. Or in other words, there are no guarantees in life (there are always risks), but that is what living is all about (ie Willow can't "shield" Tara from all the horrors, but rather they need to find the strength/faith in each other). Also loved the "growth" shown within Willow by knowing how easy it would be to do a "spell against Tara's will" (in the name of protection), but doing the right thing by refusing the easy way out.



You captured the action at the cemetery perfectly, it was just so vivid with the all out attack of zombies descending on their prey/victims, while at the same time the "power-struggle" between Willow and Master Jr (simply stunning). As for Willow's moral dilemma (her inner-debate, with the "costs" of either abiding by her promise to Tara or using dark magic with an "end justify the means" type of approach) the emotions were so palpable. This was another "test" for Willow, and although, one could say she got off easy with finding a "solution", I think the simple fact that her mind processed the "cost" (even took the time to find another way) shows she is subtly moving in the right direction. Because in the past Willow wouldn't question just instinctively act out, now at least she is looking at the situation at all sides.



Lastly, the theme (word) "together" is reinforced with Willow almost being "lost" to the lore, "seductive power of darkness", when she was about to lash out (use dark magic) in anger. However, what I thought was vital was Tara coming to Willow's aid as Willow "wrestles" with this inner-struggle. Here Tara is making sure her presence is heard/known with her making a tangible connection with Willow (ie "She couldn't lose her now. Not now. Not this way. She clung to Willow with a strength born of desperation, refusing to let her love slip into darkness."). Really I think Willow alone in this "inner battle" would be much harder to win without Tara being an "anchor" keeping her from drowning in the "storm" of darkness (ie "key" is together they can overcome the darkness to find the "light"). Thus, knowing Amy is reveling in her desire for revenge (pay-back), I look forward to W&T learning this vital lesson, and a good start would be Tara sharing about the spell (what she saw in the scrying bowl). Can't wait for the next part!

Edited by: VampNo12  at: 1/15/03 2:14:34 am

[barnabasvamp]

Wow... I totally admire your penchant for such intense detail.

It makes me feel like I am right in the middle of everything happening!



Even the inner turmoil, both Willow and Tara were going through, was so palpable!



Thanks again for such a great update.

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

[funkyasian]

i...ummm...i'm just going to go with WOW...and go away to wait patiently for the next update...



~steph

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. ~ Oscar Wilde

[Tulipp]

Hee hee, "dreaded HoN." But you did vanquish it.



You said in a reply to feedback that you could see the writing of Willow, Dawn, and Tara coming together

Quote:

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to make a whole story like the colors being activated one by one on the screen, red, blue, and green to make a full color image.

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That seems so appopriate to me, especially considering that "penumbra" is your favorite word of the whole story. Darkness and color are hugely important in this story: Willow's figurative (well, actually it's not that figurative, is it) to move from the dark to the light, the literal darkness in her eye and the occasional glimmers of green we get. The way her red hair comes up again and again and seems to serve as a visual connection back to the pre-dark Willow we all know as well as a contrast to Amy's gray-streaked hair. The way Tara's blue eyes function as a reminder and a grounding and a soothing for Willow.



I also liked the image of Willow's physical struggle to shake off the darkness in that last section, and of course seeing Tara's instrumental role in that.



It was cool.

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland

[darkmagicwillow]

It sounds like everyone enjoyed the action, the zombies and magicks, even if there was a little nail biting involved in reading it. Oh, and get some lysol. It'll help with any lingering smell of rotting flesh. (-;



Thanks for all the wonderful feedback. It makes writing such a pleasure here on Pens.



Chapter 19, "Secrets," will be a quieter interlude on Friday.



Speaking of which, I'd better get writing...





tiredsoul: I haven't been able to find the space to give Spirit the depth I'd like to, but yes, that's part of who she's meant to be. She's practical, smart, and believes in her duty.



Grimmy: That's the problem with evil. Lack of cooperation. You're right, the Master's not the brightest, though his protections worked great at first and he didn't even know there was someone like Willow in town. Of course, his teacher has ulterior motives that prevent him from really understanding the Heart so he's not entirely to blame.



It's true that Amy doesn't know how powerful dark Willow is, but the same could be said about Willow and the Heart. Both sides need to go back to their corners to prepare for the next round.



And thanks.



Patches: Yes, that's the kind of addictiveness I was going for, the siren call of power, so consuming even with the best of intentions to use it to protect and serve.



I have been worrying about my handling of Spirit, especially when the idea of Dawn as Tara's confidant came up and made so much sense to me, pulling Spirit out of that role which I had intended for her. I have some ideas, partially prompted by one of your suggestions, for her in the future but there's not much time left.



AntigoneUnbound: Your descriptions of your vision/feelings of the battle are great. It makes me feel like I've really accomplished something. I also love what you say about Willow's journey. That's the core of this story. Destiny/fate has become Willow's friend at this point in her life, though as you point out it may not stay that way with Tara's visions. It is ironic that giving up on her ability to force events into her own mold is her best way to get what she wants and needs.



You have me laughing again, but there's some truth to what you said. Botany is a major theme of this story. Just look at the title! *G* I have noticed that BtVS villains conveniently take a summer break before opening up shop in the Fall.



Inward Sea: Thanks so much for your feedback. I'm glad Tuesdays have improved for you. I like the irony you caught in Willow being Tara's friend in the Scooby gang now; I've gotten so close that I didn't realize that as I wrote it!



SB: I like how you see all the little emotional steps and their greater potential importance under all the big excitement that you bring up so well. Don't date Amy! She doesn't have a Heart, though she'd love to get one.



VampNo12: Your reply really captures their togetherness in this chapter, highlighting all the little moments to bring them together (there's that word again!) in a beautiful whole. There are still problems to worry about too that prevent that togetherness from becoming complete as you mention. Tara's secret visions. How close Willow came to the darkness here, finding ways around it, especially with Tara's help. Do they really understand yet that together is the only way through the darkness?



barnabasvamp: I'm so happy it felt that real to you.



funkyasian: Thanks, I like the wow's. Keep them coming!



Tulipp: I love how you see all the threads of color in this story, looking back to weave the little bits of description into a bigger meaning. I hadn't actually planned them to be the RGB colors of the spectrum though; it just worked out that way.



I'm glad to hear that HoN is definitely dead. I thought it was, and poked the corpse to check, but you know how things tend to reanimate...

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 1/16/03 12:45:19 pm

[Grimlock72]

Quote:

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Do they really understand yet that together is the only way through the darkness?

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That would imply they actually want to go through the darkness in the first place. Tara only knows darkness is bad. Willow isn't using dark magic only because Tara asked her to.



I think Willow herself has to realize that using dark magic is bad for her and stop using it for that reason. She does know she somewhat of a problem (cf. the scene at the graveyard; "are you strong enough to resist?") but she doesn't seem to reach the conclusion that she should therefore stop using dark magic. Probably because she didn't have a reason to really live a life before.



The short version; Willow should stop using dark magic because she WANTS to. Pretty much like any addict/dependency program really.. and if Willow is not addicted she sure is somewhat dependant on dark magics, or at least she thinks so.



As for Spirit, she's the only truly impartial person in the new scooby group. Trouble is that she's young and doesn't have much experience with anything. Back when the Master spectre came along she really didn't care HOW it was dealt with as long as it was gone. Willow could have used her darkest magic on it as far as Spirit was concerned



Very pragmatic but a bit short-sighted (due to lack of experience), a true Slayer Can't see Tara talking with Spirit about Willow like she did with Dawn, some background is needed for that... just not as much as Giles has



Maybe I missed this, but when was Spirit called ? How long has she been slaying, two years or so ? She doesn't strike me as verrry experienced, which makes her a lucky girl to have Giles around who has experience for 2 at the minimum.



Do zombies go *poof* when the moon goes back to normal ? Otherwise Sunnydale Cleaning Dept. is going to have a LOT work to do Speaking of zombies, the calling/moon-thing was a one-time spell with the heart only needed to control the zombies right ? I was wondering about that because otherwise Master jr. (I *refuse* to call that pathetic creature "Master") would have burned up in a couple of hours of zombie-fun.



Of to re-read some chapters...



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[darkmagicwillow]

Your comments about how Willow has to accept the problems with dark magic is very insightful. Tara can help her, but she can't live Willow's life any more than Willow can live hers.



I left Spirit's date of being called sort of vague, and there was a gap between being chosen and Giles finding her as he doesn't have the same level of resources the CoW did. She's pretty new though.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[darkmagicwillow]

I'm running a little late with chapter 19, but the first scene is complete, and you deserve to see it now after surviving the night of the living dead. The remaining scenes should be up next week.





Title: The Dark Rose - Chapter 19a (Secrets)

Author: Dark Magic Willow

Email: darkmagickwillow@yahoo.com

Rating: R, mostly for violence, no explicit sex

Pairing: W/T

Spoilers: All episodes through the end of season 6 though this story takes place 18-19 years after the end of season 6.

Feedback: Yes! Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Summary: The morning after.

Magic Note: Magic, even dark magic, is not addictive in my universe, so there are no withdrawal symptoms and no dark magic dealers. Here Rack was a dark magic teacher who used his students, not a dealer. However, you can use too much magic and you can be corrupted by the power it gives you.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BtVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc.

Acknowledgements: Thanks to Amanda and Juli for beta reading.





The Dark Rose

Chapter 19a: Secrets





The faint light of dawn streaming through the blinds gradually brought Tara to wakefulness. As she slowly emerged from slumber, she was surprised to find herself holding Willow tightly in her arms. Opening her eyes, she looked down to see Willow's head resting on her shoulder, her long, fiery hair tousled with sleep, and one arm flung possessively across Tara's stomach.



Willow looked small and fragile as she slept. Tara ran one of her hands down Willow's pale shoulder, tracing the faint lines of scars there. Willow had been through so much. As she took one of Willow's small hands in her own, she realized with surprise that all the scrapes and cuts of last night were gone. How had that happened? She didn't know of any healing magicks that effective and Willow hadn't been in any shape to cast last night in any case.



Tara had insisted on walking Willow home last night and was unsure if Willow would have made it even with her help if the mansion hadn't been so close to the graveyard. She had helped Willow get ready for bed and tucked her in. As she had stood beside the bed, trying to figure out what to do with herself, Willow had simply asked "Aren't you going to join me?" The decision had made itself without any need for thought on her part.



She'd felt a little shy about undressing in front of Willow so she'd borrowed a nightshirt and changed in the bathroom. Willow had been almost asleep, exhausted from her exertions of the night, when she returned. Willow had smiled sleepily at her and moved close as Tara got into the bed. Tara had enclosed Willow in her arms, and then they had kissed goodnight. She didn't remember anything after that. It had been a long, tiring night for both of them.



Gently stroking Willow's hand with her thumb as she held it, she smiled to herself as she thought about how appropriate the Gothic mansion had seemed for the Willow she'd first met. The exterior was beautiful yet gloomy. Most of the rooms she'd seen last night were hauntingly empty, though others were piled so full of books that she almost couldn't walk through them. She'd quickly come to the conclusion that Willow wasn't the best of housekeepers even before she saw the piles of assorted clothes on the bedroom floor.



It was almost like there were two Willows. There was the powerful witch, confident and almost invulnerable, afraid of nothing. Was it dark magicks buried deeply in Willow's flesh that had healed her injuries overnight? Tara knew a little about permanent spells. They always had a price, often in blood. Something about the inner darkness she'd seen in Willow's aura made her think that her speculations might be right. She shifted uneasily in the bed.



Then there was the young girl she held in her arms, so vulnerable to her slightest word. In many ways, Willow was her age and not just physically. All those years alone had built in her a terrible strength and determination, but it had been at the expense of a normal life and family. She had seen the depths of that loss when Willow, awkward and uncertain, had met Dawn yesterday. Something as simple as a hug from a friend had been alien and difficult for her at first, yet Tara had seen the wonderful mingling of happiness and sadness in Willow's eyes as she accepted the embrace from Dawn like a priceless gift.



The two Willows weren't completely separate though. They were connected by their love of her.



She shook her head softly as she reached down to tenderly caress Willow's velvet soft cheek. Willow murmured in her sleep and snuggled closer, sighing contentedly.



Her angel asleep.



Watching her sleep, Tara felt a tremendous surge of love for the small redhead. She placed her hand protectively over Willow's heart. The feel of Willow's heart beating against her hand reminded her that no matter what she'd seen of the future, Willow was right here beside her, alive and well, in the present. That was what was important.



The events of last night had tempered her understanding of her visions of the future. She now knew that what she'd seen wasn't everything that was to come or even everything that was important. They would face challenges and experience joys that she hadn't foreseen.



Tara also realized that she had imposed her own meanings and interpretations on the events that she had seen. She had seen Willow in danger of death, but that didn't necessarily mean that she would be killed by that spell. They had faced death and worse last night and come through that desperate encounter intact.



She had love and hope. What more could she ask for? She smiled at Willow, feeling warm and drowsy. Watching the slow rise and fall of Willow's chest as she breathed, Tara drifted back to sleep.



Hours later, Willow awoke with the bright light of noon filtering through the blinds. She felt warm and protected as she drowsily opened her eyes and found herself securely enclosed in Tara's embrace. She looked into the pure serenity of Tara's sleeping face and reached up to brush an errant strand of gold away from her cheek. Tara's blonde hair was mussed from sleeping on it, but it didn't matter. She was the most beautiful thing Willow had ever seen.



She gently ran her fingers through Tara's silken hair as she thought. How did she deserve to be with someone like Tara? She'd come so close to breaking her promise last night. If Tara hadn't been there, she certainly would have. In some ways it might have been better if she had as she would have been able to destroy the Master without any chance of his escape.



But she knew that each step into the darkness took her further away from Tara and her newly rediscovered family. A tenuous family, to be sure, but hers nonetheless. It had felt so good when Dawn had called her family. She had been alone too long. Tara was her always and everything, but there was room in her heart for the rest of her family too.



She hugged Tara tightly to her chest and smiled when she didn't wince at the contact. The fight last night had left her with a few broken ribs, but her magical protections had healed them overnight. Her protections were dark magicks, but ones she had established long ago. She wondered if their presence would bother Tara even though she'd cast those spells long before she'd made her promise about using dark magic.



Then she smiled as she remembered how Tara had blushed while helping her undress last night. Though Willow sometimes felt impatient, wanting them to be closer now, Tara was so cute in these tentative, early steps in building their relationship anew.



She gazed again at the calm beauty of Tara's sleeping face, tracing a track on the supple softness of her cheek with one finger. Her throat choked with emotion as she tried to accept that at last Tara was real here beside her, beautiful and vulnerable. She didn't have to maintain the hard, narrow focus of her quest any longer. Yet if Tara had been hit by that blast of emerald fire last night, the consequences wouldn't have been a few broken ribs.



Every day she spent with Tara she felt her sense of invulnerability ebbing away. As she let her heart open to Tara, she exposed herself to all the hurts of the world which she had been safe from for so long. It was a fearful price to pay, but as she looked into Tara's face she knew that it was worth it.



She couldn't lose Tara again. Not for anything.



Willow wouldn't let Tara face the Master again. When the time came and they knew what they were facing, Willow would go alone to destroy him. Tara's light wasn't meant for the kind of darkness such a conflict would require. Willow knew that she couldn't defeat the Master while keeping her promise to Tara. It would be better if Tara wasn't present to see that. She would make one last journey into the darkness alone to keep them both safe.



Willow pushed her dark thoughts away as she moved her hand down so she could rub the softness of Tara's warm belly under her shirt. She smiled as she felt the sleeping blonde move into her touch. She watched Tara's face in anticipation, waiting for the cerulean eyes to open and fill with delight as they looked at her.



She wanted to see herself in Tara's eyes. She much preferred the person Tara saw with her eyes to the one she saw in the mirror. In those eyes, she was altogether beautiful and wonderful.



When those eyes opened, her whole world would change. Gone would be the world of shadows lurking in a deeper darkness that she had struggled through with obdurate tenacity for so long. It would be replaced by a world full of colors and feeling. Tara's eyes gave her world meaning.



Willow smiled as she saw the first slight fluttering of Tara's eyelids. As Tara's blue eyes slowly opened, her lips quirked into a crooked smile as she saw Willow. Her eyes regarded Willow with a fuzzy happiness that gradually metamorphosed into the full splendour of delight. Tara softly murmured, "Good morning."



As Tara's eyes opened and looked at her, Willow's heart filled with so much love that she couldn't find a way to express it all. It was beyond words. She tenderly placed her lips against the soft pliancy of Tara's cheek and kissed her there before returning her "Good morning."



Tara stretched, arching her body sensually against Willow's, as the fire of Willow's kiss pulled her fully into wakefulness. Then she wrapped Willow tightly in her arms, pulling her close with all her strength as if trying to make them one flesh. She smiled down at Willow. "Can we always wake up this way?" she asked.



"Oh yes," Willow breathed as she brought her lips to Tara's.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 1/17/03 2:12:34 pm

[JustSkipIt]

DMW, masterful as usual. Totally beautiful and I love the waking up and watching your lover sleep scenes (gee, is that obvious from my writing?). So romantic. Also gives us an opportunity for full-fledged exposition. We get to lay out a menu of the character's internal dialog which is a precious gift. Beautiful how each girl wakes and feels and enjoys her love for the other. Love it.



But...

Quote:

---

She couldn't lose Tara again. Not for anything.



Willow wouldn't let Tara face the Master again. When the time came and they knew what they were facing, Willow would go alone to destroy him. Tara's light wasn't meant for the kind of darkness such a conflict would require. Willow knew that she couldn't defeat the Master while keeping her promise to Tara. It would be better if Tara wasn't present to see that. She would make one last journey into the darkness alone to keep them both safe.

---

Here we have our same old Willow that we know and love. She thinks that a promise is something that it's important to keep unless there's a good reason or unless you get caught. I don't think that Tara's intention is that Willow make a hollow promise and then reneg on it to save her. In fact, I think that Tara is absolutely opposed to that and in practical terms. When the Zombies were attacking, she was worried about was Willow using dark magic and she understood the danger.



So disturbing that Willow is basically already knowing that she will break the promise and as long as Tara doesn't see it, that's ok. It's a little like the lethe's bramble spell. Like a fight that she erases didn't happen. But Willow! Wake up! It did! To think that to hide something from Tara makes it ok is just nonsense and bad thinking on her part.



Ok, I ramble and rant and got out of hand there. I'm super hungry so I'll use that as my excuse.



Love the lovely parts. Disturbed by the integrity issues. Your writing is amazing. Debra

---

"War may be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary it is always evil." - President Jimmy Carter after receiving the Nobel Peace Prize

[SilverWingedNemesis]

Beautiful, simply beautiful!



~NICK~

[seurat]

Hey DMW, just wanted to say how much I've enjoyed reading this story over the last few weeks. I was initially a little worried about Willow being dark for 19 years, not sure that was a tale I wanted to read, but you've brought me around.And in this section you used my favorite shade of blue, cerulean! One thing is for sure, you're a writer. I'm really looking forward to seeing the rest of this story, thanks for sharing it with us.

"What are we going to do tomorrow night, Brain?

The same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world!"

[Patches]

That was so beautifully written you have the soul of a poet and an understanding of love and the human condition like no one I have ever read.



ETA - spell check ate the rest of my post. Will re-do l8tr



Cheers!!

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 1/17/03 9:28:02 pm

[FlereImsaho]

DMW,



Loved this chapter, especially them waking together.



I'm just catching up with your story, returning to work has kept me away from Pens But now it is Friday night, time for beer and Pens The fight with the Master was intense. I found myself trying to read too fast (fuzzy beer brain isn't helping either). I think your Willow is more complex than most make her. That's one of the reasons I like this story.



Some day those eyes are going to turn green again, I just know it!



Thank-you for sharing your work with us. It brings much pleasure.

[Insanity]

Hey DMW, this one was really sweet. Both awaking, watching the other sleep, following their own thoughts. They are sooo in love...



But Willow is planning on using dark magil again. She thinks just this one time, to defeat the master..but.. this is Sunnydale, there will always be another master...

It would not help, soon there will be another threatening for their lives.... This is not the reason...



I'm really curious how you will solve this.



Insanity

"Nobody messes with my girl!"Tara, Bargaining

[frumpycat]

Small update so good! You spoil us!



I actually like that Willow is planning on backsliding. To promise that she'd go cold turkey on the dark magics after 19 years seemed kind of hard to believe, especially when the dark magics had become such an integral part of her modus operandi. (Kind of like, "I promise" "okay, all fixed now", with the only threat of her breaking her promise being if "she lost control"). I like that she is rationally planning ahead of time on breaking the promise by her own free will.



Even though breaking a promise is a horrible thing, I think (even though its terrible) it fits Willow's past actions (like mindwiping Tara a second time) of breaking promises. I liked Dawn noting that through her single minded quest Willow hadn't quite matured in some ways. I'm looking forward to see if your Willow can grow out of the "control freak" Willow and keep her promises. It's like she's been given a second chance...will she make the same mistakes?



I really like how Willow is such a bad ass in your story. I noticed lots of other stories (while I enjoy them greatly) have Willow using little or no magic. Its nice to see her unleash and portray such a tough (yet vulnerable emotionally) Willow. (Brief question, does your Willow rely entirely on spells or has she/would she resort to using weapons (ie, like a sword))?



Also Amy, brrrr...I like how she is almost vampire like herself in how she obtains her power. Who has she been feeding off of in Sunnydale to keep recharged? (I have the feeling that the local Wiccan group may have been heavily snacked on. Look out Tara!)



Looking forward to the next update!

[The Inward Sea]

Awwwww... beautiful waking scene. As JustSkipIt and Insanity already said, Willow thinking about slipping to dark magicks again -even for a cause she considers worthy of breaking her promise to Tara- sheds enough clouds to make this a thunderstorm forecast. Will the rest of my surviving nails go through that?



Thanks for a wonderful update,



Sea

[Grimlock72]

How cute... they indeed should wake up like that every morning Without the gloomy thoughts though. I liked the description of the house a lot too, nice touch.



I noticed that Willow didn't think about researching Master jr. and what happened at the graveyard , she skipped ahead to kill it with Big Guns. I can't imagine thats how she defeated all her other enemies in the last 18 years, why else all the books ?



Willow mostly wants Master jr. out of the way soon because he could hurt Tara, who has no additional protections on her. What was dissapointing to me is how easily Willow arrived at "oh well, have to use dark magic again" (entirely skipping research it seems)... give me my research-girl back.



She could at least try to tell Tara that she'll face Master jr. alone next time around because she doesn't want Tara in danger. Tara has the right to decide to walk towards her own death if she so chooses. Taking her choices away is not the right solution. Willow doesn't want to control all of Tara's life of course, just make sure she never gets injured, hurt or killed... which covers a lot of life really .



If anything the fight in the graveyard proved that dark magic isn't needed to defeat Master jr. Willow really should realize by now that the vampire gets his power from that gem, so get him when he's not holding it. (yeah, I know... but he'll be less powerfull at least). The way Master jr. looked last time I think it might be sufficient to provoke him a bit into using the gem, just evade the beam and Master jr.'s lifeforce will be drawn out of him by the gem itself....heh.



I sincerely doubt Tara knows of any concrete dangers of using dark magic, she just doesn't like it. Most she knows about it has been told to her, by people who didn't like dark magic much. If it's that bad, how come Willow survived so many years using it ?? It's more like choosing a lifestyle it seems, one with black hair and leather cloaks



Sunnydale isn't the best place on the globe to avoid using dark magics of course..



Both girls should definitly talk with each other some more. There are to many things they're just *thinking*. Relation and Talking go together really well usually, try it



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[Sister Bertrille]

Rotting corpses AND cute chicks in bed? Somebody pinch me!



A few things really stood out for me in this update. You do a lovely job of bringing the “two Willows” together (in Tara’s mind) through “their love of her.” It is so very tempting to see people in terms of halves, sides, facets, denying them their complexity by separating them into ever simpler components. So I love how Tara is beginning to see Willow as a complicated whole (ignore what could be a horrible pun, please!) rather than Willow the Witch and Willow-Girl, is beginning to put her back together again, mentally, spiritually, maybe even supernaturally.



I also liked how, in addition to evoking hearts and hands (recurring images in this story), you have them separately stroking each other’s stomachs. Maybe it’s because I just finished reading “Bread,” maybe it’s because I’m really hungry right now , but there was something about that shared action that made me think about how they are meant to be each other’s nourishment, sustenance in every sense of the word.

Quote:

---

Aren’t you going to join me?”

---

Doesn’t Willow’s use of a negative interrogative mean that she expects a certain answer?! (Are you going to join me? versus Aren't you going to join me?) Wonderful to see her, both of them, feeling more secure with each other here.



Time for lunch!



SB

[VampNo12]

DMW, such a lovely update! I enjoyed the quiet reflection of both W&T, while "anchored" in the arms of the woman they love. And I just loved Tara asking, ("Can we always wake up this way? with Willow saying, "Oh yes"), so beautiful . What spoke to me was Tara studying Willow while she was sleeping. Here Tara can see the "vulnerable" Willow, as well as the "powerful witch" (with all that entails), but what resonated with me were the lines, ("The two Willows weren't completely separate though. They were connected by their love of her."). With this in mind, I sense Tara is answering her question of "Who is Willow", it's not an either/or answer, but rather "seeing" the "whole package".



Although, I get the sense understanding has it's limits (ie it doesn't equate to "blind" acceptance). Or in other words, Tara noticing how fast Willow healed, and feeling "uneasy" about the implications of what she assumed were "permanent spells". I guess what I'm trying to say is Tara has accepted the "whole" Willow, but at the same time the "darkness" frightens her so, that I don't think she will react to well if Willow purposely breaks her "promise" (especially keeping Tara in the dark, by not confiding in her until it's too late) to use dark magic against threats such as Master Jr.



As for Willow, she is making great strides. Just the mere fact she can sleep peacefully through the night, instead of waking to her recurring nightmare, shows how secure she has become (ie she is finding her way back "home", to her "family"). And what spoke to me in how far Willow has come were the lines, ("Every day she spent with Tara she felt her sense of invulnerability ebbing away. As she let her heart open to Tara, she exposed herself to all the hurts of the world which she had been safe from for so long. It was a fearful price to pay, but as she looked into Tara's face she knew it was worth it.").



Willow desperately wants to "see" the person Tara "sees", and I also believe finding Tara again (subtly moving in the direction of the "light"), she too wants to be that person for herself. But Willow's thoughts as she watches Tara sleep indicate that she also needs to protect her newfound "security" (ie Tara). So I am looking forward to seeing if Willow does indeed go through with her plans "to take one last journey into the darkness" by breaking her promise on purpose, or realizes that shutting out Tara isn't the way. Instead realizing they both need to trust/lean on each other for strength (that "together" is the "key" to overcoming their obstacles). Really I sense both on one level know that being "open", relying on each other is the "key", but I think their fears at times "cloud" them to "seeing" this clearly. Hopefully, W&T will learn this lesson before it's too late, and I can't wait for the next part!

Edited by: VampNo12  at: 1/18/03 6:09:19 pm

[Patches]

Somewhere I was thinking of the human condition, and of Willow. The scene is so uplifting, touching and romantic and yet there are those little angsty twists you seem to love to torment your readers with; just a little deception, this one last time. She would make one last journey into the darkness alone. How reminiscent of ‘just one more drink; just one more bet.’ The price of the protection spells being paid in blood – whose blood? I can see why Tara is disturbed by the thought, I know I am; what are you foreshadowing (gulp ).



I love the use of light imagery in this chapter, the awakening of understanding and of love. Tara wakes to the light of dawn, interesting; dawn is symbolic of new beginnings. With the faint light of dawn, Tara begins to understand all that is Willow, the innocent light of the young girl and the darkness of the much scarred older witch.



Willow awakes with the bright light of noon filtering through the blinds – I like that image, of filtered light. It is very appropriate; Willow has what she came to Sunnydale for, perhaps more with the unexpected welcome of Dawn and even the somewhat uneasy truce with Giles. However, like the filtered light of full daytime, her understanding of her journey is incomplete. There are still shadows of darkness preventing her from being bathed in the light of redemption and forgiveness in the reunion of the two souls. The greatest thing she must overcome is her own darkness, she must realize that she cannot stand alone against the darkness for if she does, it will consume her as it has Amy. I never liked Amy’s character, but she’s a good foil for Willow in this story. I can’t help but think of her as the creature Willow will become if she takes that ‘one last journey’ into darkness.



I love the way you paint your words, like an artist on a canvas. In contrast with the earlier chapters, filled with shadows and darkness, devoid of all light, we now see brightness and colour – red and blue, and one day the green of Willows eyes.



Oh, one last thing, "Can we always wake up this way?" she asked. Oh yes," Willow breathed as she brought her lips to Tara's.” - can you say meltdown!



Waiting with bated breath for the next update. If I haven’t said it enough already – this story rocks!



p.s. Took your advice, I'm using copy/paste from now on.



ETA: There was one other thought I had with Willow's little, she'll never know line of reasoning: Um Willow dear, pay attention now. I know you have studied George Santayana; remember his little euphamism: “Those who do

not learn the lessons of history are destined to repeat them.” Now, smarten up!!!!!!!

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 1/19/03 7:55:21 pm

[tommo]

Well, firstly, I believe that I should be dragged around over spiky rocks by horses for not reading this sooner. It has been recommended to me time and again and yet, I just didn't find the time. However, I made the time tonight and boy, is this a read and a half.



I think what's been most insightful has been the types of responses that you've received, all reacting to the story in far more eloquent ways than I could ever do. There have also been some wonderful ideas hypothesised and explored and that makes the reading experience much more rich and full for me, too.



If anything, I think what I get most from this story is a search for identity. The levels and layers of that search form the fabric that pulls each chapter into a glorious whole for me as a reader. The confusion of Tara as she's confronted with faces from her past; and images of the person she used to be, combined with the fact that it was a different person entirely are so well explored here. There's a tangible feeling of being so completely lost at times; particularly when faced with Dawn and the dreams that she's having, and the scrying that she did. And yet, in a contradictory and most pleasing manner, there's also a strong notion of familiarity, of recognition. And I think it's this feeling that comes through most strongly when Tara is discovering her feelings for Willow. That in itself is like seeing a whole new relationship form, but at the same time it's breathing life into something that has, quite literally, been dead for 19 years.



And then there's Willow, of course. I see how clever it is to have Tara's search for identity as the cunning ruse, heh heh. The true voyage of discovery comes with the Willow you've created in your story. She's so very tired, and that comes through so clearly at the most inopportune moments. I think the times when it touched me the most were those little pinpricks of the person Willow was all those years ago. Choosing a new dress for her date with Tara; touching Tara's hair in the hospital; the way her aura showed the barriers of protection. I loved the complexity of her, of the way that she's changed so irrevocably but the one thing she hasn't let go of is her undeniable love for Tara.



I'm looking forward to how you resolve this between our girls. I feel tired when I read about Willow, you know? I feel her cynicism and her sorrow and all the hurt and pain she's borne throughout the years. And it makes my heart heavy, because I think a part of me really understands that.



Thanks for this; consider me hooked.

She's the cutest of the Kittens with her tits as warm as mittens and her firm yet supple...tight embrace...

[tiredsoul]

Oh, I so loved this part. Watching each other in such unguarded moments. Tara comparing the two sides of Willow but realizing that they're connected in her love for her. Of course, you had to throw in the "one last time" for Willow. Will she ever learn? At least she's letting herself feel again. I love this portion:

Quote:

---

She wanted to see herself in Tara's eyes. She much preferred the person Tara saw with her eyes to the one she saw in the mirror. In those eyes, she was altogether beautiful and wonderful.

---

Thanks for another wonderful update.



--celia

---------------------------------

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

[the vamp nurd]

oooh mental stuggle. I like I like.

"He beats me with wet noodles!" Amber Benson.

"Bored now." Vamp Willow

[Tulipp]

So I'm thinking about love, and I'm thinking about eyes. Not just the way that the blue and green/black of Tara's and Willow's eyes serve so many purposes in this story: as visual markers of innocence or knowledge or darkness or hope. But also the way that seeing and vision and reflection are so integral to this story. In this chapter, it's these sentences:

Quote:

---

She wanted to see herself in Tara's eyes. She much preferred the person Tara saw with her eyes to the one she saw in the mirror.

---

What I appreciate so much about this is that you start out with something that is a kind of fan fiction (or romance in general) trope: that the lover wants to see herself reflected in the beloved's eyes. That no matter how much you love the other person, love means you see yourself reflected back at you.



But what you do--you often do this, I think--is push right through the skin of that trope and show that Willow doesn't want to see a reflection. She wants to see something newly created: a her that Tara makes by looking at her, one that is better than she finds herself to be. Tara isn't a mirror but a creator. Tara is a lover. And that's one of the challenges of this story for these two: to be lovers, not mirrors.



I love it.

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland