by shuyaku » Thu Aug 28, 2003 4:59 pm
Posting on Mary's behalf... Since I'm no writer - this is the closest I'll get to putting a fic on pens - woo hoo!! [img]http://thekittenboard.com/board/images/smilies/grin.gif]
GODS SERVED AND ABANDONED
Part 44
Disclaimer: I'm currently in negotiations with Joss Whedon and ME to procure Willow and Tara. (For legal purposes, [/img]She actually thinks we can win. This is the first time she's truly believed we could all make it through this. Tara was stunned to register the full extent of Buffy's previous despair.
"Hey, Dawn--whatcha want?" Xander asked cheerfully.
"Oh...Um, how about some beef lo mein?" Her voice, to Tara's ears, seemed to be straining for nonchalance. Dawn had sat down as they dragged Binky back to his temporary lodging, but now she stood abruptly.
"I think I need a bathroom break," she announced, heading toward the stairs.
Tara caught Willow's eyes; by unspoken accord, they rose and followed Dawn out of the room. "Great minds think alike," Willow said by way of explanation, after giving Xander their order.
*****
Upstairs, they watched Dawn walk past the bathroom and step out onto a small balcony that overlooked the street below.
"Do you think Tanya's 'Anything Short of Self-Immolation is Selfish' speech got to her?" Willow asked reluctantly.
"How could it not?" Tara replied, grimacing. "I mean, I totally get where she was coming from--I do. But if I were Dawn, and I heard that argument, stated that flatly, I know I'd be struggling."
"Yeah...me too." Willow nodded. She sighed heavily. "Remind me again why we're pursuing such a fun hobby?"
Tara managed a grin. "Because the post-disaster-aversion sex is so incredible."
"Well, there is that..." Willow leaned forward and kissed her quickly. "OK, let's see if we can calm her down a little."
Dawn, though, wasn't crying; and she wasn't kicking things or complaining about her lot. She only glanced at them wordlessly as they joined her.
"Dawnie--are you OK?" Tara asked gently.
The teenager just gazed back at her, her eyes dark with sadness. Finally, she said, "She's right."
"Who?" Willow asked.
Sweetie--we know who...
"Tanya--what she said, about Ben. She's right. He should take himself out of the equation. Anybody in that position should, if they're really serious about wanting to do the right thing."
"And you think you're in that position," Tara replied simply.
"I am in that position," Dawn said flatly. "If Glory doesn't get the Key, she can't start the ritual. If she does get the Key, everyone either dies or wishes they would. I have the power to make sure she never gets it. How can I not?"
Tara wanted to argue with her, refute her logic--but she couldn't. Dawn was right: it was within her capacity to make sure that Glory never opened the gates of her Hell and every other dimension. Wouldn't she be thinking the same thing if she were the Key?
"Dawn, you can't really think that you should..." Tara couldn't even say the words.
"Kill myself?" Dawn finished hollowly. "Yeah--I think I should. But I don't want to and I'm afraid I won't have the guts to."
"Of course you don't want to," Willow said urgently. "You heard what the little scab said: if Glory doesn't succeed, you get to live your life. There's so much ahead of you, Dawnie, and I think we can beat her."
"But that's not the point," Dawn broke in, her voice cracking. "If I really want to be the person I say I want to be, I won't take that chance; I won't let it get that far. There won't be an epic battle because I'll take away what Glory's fighting for." She broke off, struggling to regain some composure. "I wanna be brave--but if I were really brave, I wouldn't be standing here talking about it; I'd be doing it." She shook her head, and when she looked back at them, pain was etched across her features.
"I've always felt so boring--the Slayer's younger sister; always tagging along even though I knew Buffy didn't want me there, just because I was so desperate to be a part of something big, something special. And then I learn that I am, and all I want is to be that annoying kid again. But I'm not. I'm the key to something awful." A small, miserable grin edged across her face. "It's one thing to spill Diet Coke on your sister's keyboard; it's another to know that you could bring misery to every living creature in every dimension."
Dawn seemed beyond their reach. It was as if she had reached a decision that seemed patently horrific, and yet her logic was damnably sound.
Tara exchanged a despairing glance with Willow. What could they say that wouldn't sound trite or worse?
"The monks should have destroyed me when they had the chance," Dawn muttered dully.
Tara looked up sharply at the words, gazing at the teen for a moment. "But they didn't."
"No, they didn't," Dawn replied with a sigh. "They put me in human form and sent me to somebody who had to look out for me. They put everybody I care about in danger."
"So why would they do that?" Tara continued. "If the Key is nothing but a danger, nothing but bad, why wouldn't they destroy it? Dawn, I have a lot of problems with the monks' playing God and Goddess, but I don't think they're stupid. There's some reason that you were made human, and I don't think it was just to jerk everybody around."
"I'm with Tara," Willow said, nodding. "The monks went to so much trouble to transform the Key into human form, even though they knew the potential danger. Why?" She leaned forward suddenly, her voice urgent. "Maybe the Key has potential for incredible good, Dawnie."
The teenager looked at her skeptically. "Like what?"
Willow shrugged. "A cure for cancer; the end to world hunger...Maybe the Key unlocks the secret to thinner thighs. I don't know, but I do know that the monks chose to alter the Key, not destroy it; and I don't think that was by accident."
Dawn, though, seemed unwilling to let herself feel even a glimmer of hope; as if doing so would destroy any measure of resolve that she had forced herself to summon.
"You're just saying that," she whispered, shaking her head. "You're just trying to make me feel better."
"No, Sweetie, that's not it," Tara argued. "I mean, yeah--at first I guess I was trying to say anything to help, but then you mentioned the monks and it really made me think. Dawn, they're guilty of a lot of things, but I really don't think idiocy is one of them."
Dawn's expression was equal parts despair and nascent hope. She closed her eyes and clenched the railing of the balcony. "I wanna believe you," she whispered. "And that's what scares me--I'm afraid I'll believe you because I want to so bad, and then I won't do what I should."
"Dawn, please--look at me," Tara beseeched her. "Sweetie, if there is a chance we're right, don't you also owe it to us--to everyone--to try to survive? Try to have the life that's waiting for you after we defeat Glory?"
Dawn was silent for so long that Tara began to wonder if she wanted to be left alone. Finally, though, she squared her shoulders and gazed at them, her expression unreadable.
"OK--for now, I don't do anything. But I need you guys to promise me something."
"Anything, Dawnie," Willow replied quickly. Tara, though, felt a curious dread stealing over her.
"If it comes to it...If Glory captures me, and starts the ritual..." She paused, and Tara could see that she was biting her lip so hard that she was afraid she might break the skin. "If that happens, and I have the chance to--to do it...Promise me you won't try to stop me."
Tara felt her stomach lurch. "Dawn, Sweetie--you can't ask us to sit back and watch you take your own life," she whispered.
"Please," Dawn begged, her voice cracking. "If it comes to that, I need to know you guys will help me do the right thing; and it is the right thing. Both of you would do it, I know it. If I could stop her--keep the people I love from going through whatever she'd do...then at least it would mean something."
Willow was leaning forward as if to interrupt, but Tara squeezed her hand tightly. Whatever Dawn needed to tell them, it was costing her dearly to say it. She deserved to be heard out.
"You guys have been more important to me than anybody besides Buffy and Mom," she continued. She shrugged and gave a tiny smile. "You're my heroes. Willow, I've watched you risk your life for over five years; and Tara, I saw you go home and stand up to your family and deal with news that would drop anybody else. And now maybe it's my turn to do the right thing, and I wanna have the courage to do it."
She had finally let the tears come, a fact which Tara registered through her own blurred vision.
"I need to know that if it comes to that, you guys will help me be strong; be the kind of person you could be proud of..." She drew a long, shuddering breath. "The kind of person I could be proud of."
Tara had suspected the nature of Dawn's request the moment she started speaking. She had wanted to argue with her, reassure her that the whole scenario would never come to pass. Now, though, she realized that they owed Dawn more than false promises that the teenager would never believe anyway. She looked at Willow; the sadness on her beloved's face, she suspected, mirrored her own.
Tara hadn't known she would be able to speak until she heard her own voice saying, "We promise."
*****
They waited a long time before going downstairs, washing their faces in an attempt to mask the evidence of their shared anguish. Dawn had extracted one last promise from them both: they wouldn't tell Buffy of the conversation.
When they reached the living room, the others were just starting to sort through a large delivery from Tommy Wong's. By way of explanation, Willow said simply, "Girl talk."
The quick narrowing of Buffy's eyes told Tara that the Slayer didn't entirely believe them; but she apparently wasn't going to challenge them at this exact moment.
After a period of relative silence in which everyone settled into his or her particular meal, Giles rested his chopsticks against the carton.
"So...We have established some of the parameters of Glory's plans, as well as the constraints thereon. We also understand, albeit through the aid of visual reminders, the nature of Glory's connection to Ben. How do we proceed from this point?"
"Well, I say Plan A is that we keep Glory from getting the Key until her opportunity passes. Plan B, a distant second, is that if she does find the Key, we keep her occupied through the miracle of modern combat so that she can't start the ritual."
An uncomfortable silence ensued at this thought. Tara was unable to look at anyone but Willow. After a moment, Buffy added, "Plan B is rhetorical, though, because Glory won't get the Key." Tara leaned into the warmth of Willow's hand resting on her back.
"OK, so I know this is a delicate subject, but do we really consider killing Ben?" Xander asked reluctantly.
Giles sighed. "While it's certainly difficult to imagine, it might come to that. As loathe as I am to say this, if we have no other choice, I am willing to sacrifice Ben for the good of so many others."
Buffy sighed. "I just wish he would come to us, work with us. He has to know we're involved, especially after yesterday's recon and rescue mission."
"He's probably scared out of his pants...and I mean that quite literally," Bev commented. "Can you imagine having a Hell God really pissed at you?"
"But apparently she's in his body, at least some of the time," Anya protested, looking at her index card. "What's she gonna do--bitch-slap herself into keeping quiet?"
"I could help," Tanya muttered. Tara realized that she was least likely of any of them to cut Ben any slack. He'd had the chance to help Beverly, and he'd bailed. The odds of her forgiving him for that were roughly equivalent to those of Anya becoming a nun.
Anya in a wimple...I'd pay full admission for that.
"So killing Ben comes in at third," Xander said decisively. "We definitely don't want to, but we will if it's the only way."
"You know, it's great that we found out what we did," Willow commented suddenly. "But we need to know when the ritual's scheduled to happen. We can't just hang around wondering if we're five minutes away from an apocalypse."
"Yeah, because we've never been in that position before," Anya interjected dryly.
"Well of course we need to know when the ritual will occur," Buffy said indignantly. "Only an idiot would have one of Glory's minions and not ask that question."
"Think he'll tell?" Xander asked.
"He will if my little shrinking violet over here so much as sneezes in his direction," Bev opined.
"I was just doing my Mother Teresa impersonation," Tanya said blithely. At the perplexed expressions around her, she added, "I didn't say it was a good impersonation."
"OK--let's drag the little wretch back out here," Buffy requested, and Giles rose to do so. Sighing, she added, "God, I hate toadies."
"When exactly have you dealt with toadies?" Xander asked, puzzled.
"It's a matter of principle," she replied, shrugging. "Like hating the kid who always got to clean the erasers after class."
"I was that kid," Willow muttered, to Buffy's profound chagrin.
"Will, Sweetie, you're not in the least toad-like," Tara reassured her. "From pictures I've seen, I'd put you in the 'adorable puppy' family when you were a kid."
Giles returned, Binky in tow, and plunked the minion back into the desk chair, securing him tightly. Tara noticed that his earlier bravado seemed to have been replaced by a quiet sniveling.
"We need to know when the ritual's going to take place," Buffy demanded without preamble.
"I do not know," came the immediate response.
Buffy peered at him like a jack-o'lantern-in-waiting. "Tanya--whaddya think? A finger or an ear?"
Binky practically squealed. "No, please! I am telling you the truth! Only Glorificus and the high priests know...It is a most jealously guarded secret, in order that none may imperil it."
"You mean she doesn't trust you," Giles amended dryly. "Imagine that."
Though it was difficult to be sure given Binky's dermal issues, Tara could have sworn that he was blushing.
"The ritual is of the most sacred, delicate nature," Binky spluttered. "I think--I think Glory is wise to preserve its secrecy."
"You mean she doesn't trust you," Giles repeated. Sighing, he turned to Buffy. His expression said, "Now what?"
"You don't know anything?" Willow asked incredulously. "You spend 24/7 around the girl, doing her bidding and licking her boots, and you don't know the first thing about the ritual? God--what kind of minion are you? Glory must have some pretty low hiring standards."
Binky was deeply offended. "I know all that any of my kind know, and often more," he huffed. "Does Jinx know even the riddle? No, he does not?"
"Riddle? There's a riddle?" Now it was Willow's turn to squeal. "I love riddles!"
Tara could see that Binky regretted his vanity-based disclosure. "And just how does this riddle go?" she asked sweetly.
"I...I cannot tell you. Glorificus will inflict far greater pain on me than even you would," he cried.
"Yes, but if you don't tell us, we'll call Glory on Ben's cell phone and inform her of what you've already divulged," Giles answered easily, as if he were explaining to Binky exactly why he couldn't hold his breath until he died. "If you do help us,we can offer you protection."
"But I don't want to leave the service of the great Glorificus," Binky practically wept. "It is all that I have ever known; all that I could hope to know." He shook his head in despair. "Better that I should die now, and preserve some small shred of honor, than betray Her Most Intriguingly Unbalanced One."
"We'll give you some sweet and sour pork," Xander offered.
Binky's head popped up, his eyes wide. "Might there be an egg-roll with that?" he asked after the briefest of hesitations.
"We could probably make that happen," Buffy nodded slowly.
"I have seen the great Glorificus dining on such wondrous things many, many times," Binky murmured, almost to himself. "Always, I have yearned to know their taste..." He shook his head. "But Glory left for us only the dross of human consumption...Such things as would repel most sane mortals."
"You don't mean..." Beverly said, edging back with horror.
"Chicken McNuggets," he whispered.
The group, save Xander, recoiled as one. "What?" he demanded. "They're chock-full of crunchy goodness!"
Tara heard Anya mutter, "You're not kissing me on the lips for the next three months.
"So...the minion wants some Chinese take-out," Buffy murmured enticingly. "Spill, Binkster, and the pork's yours. We decide you're not lying, the egg roll comes after that."
Binky wavered for only a moment, then nodded almost eagerly. "I will give you the prophecy's words. Though I doubt very much they will mean more to you than to me," he added with a trace of his earlier insouciance.
"My dear chap, it's just a tad late for defiance," Giles sighed. "Especially since you're practically drooling at the thought of an egg roll."
"Fine," Binky muttered sullenly.
"So...what's this big prophecy riddle?" Buffy demanded.
Binky shifted in his seat, then intoned: "That day shall commence with weeping; and it will end with weeping. Tears without sorrow will fall as alpha and omega. And when the weeping is no more, then shall the Unholy One open the portal to Hell. So may she until love's eye falls upon her and will not be hidden."
The deflated sycophant finished his recitation and sagged back against the chair. A long silence fell over the group, broken finally by Bev's succinct, "Well, that's a pisser."
*****
TO BE CONTINUED
For use of the word wimple as well *wipes tears of laughter from her eyes*
And they bring up the absolute best point. If preventing the ritual was a simple as just destroying the key - I'm thinkin' the monks would have taken that route. Cuz - and I realize I'm going out on a limb here - I'm certain it was not easier to do the whole make it human; send her to the slayer; make protectors; make more protectors; don't let Glory see her; and oh yeah - you know change EVERYBODY'S frickin' memories!!
and that she might express these feelings by going on a hell god size killing spree. So even if their plan does work out, they still need to find a way to deal with Glory.
.
Yeah, I know... playing Devil's Advocate her, sorry.
And I started laughing like an idiot when Binky got all cooperative when he heard about egg rolls and sweet and sour pork. I mean, hello, he's a Hell God's minion, he shouldn't forl for that. 
...have i mentioned how much I like that guy...we need more Gilesisms in this world...who's with me now?
