Love Language

Dub · **Posted:** Fri Sep 23, 2022 12:53 am

Yes that's right, I've casually Googled a topic and thought I can get 4 weeks of polls out of this.

I even took a love language test, I didn't get a PhD but I did get a BS run down of my mind from closed questions. Thanks box tickers for factoring me not as an individual but a statistic with no area for movement without being a statistical anomaly. Science.

We don't box tick here in polls because there's a circle to fill instead. So lets get circle filling!

Which love language does Willow find more meaningful to receive?

Words of Affirmation - I love yous, compliments, encouragement, words of appreciation.
Physical Touch - Kissing, holding hands, cuddling, sex.
Receiving Gifts - Visual symbols of love, recognising and valuing the gift giving process
Quality Time - Meaningful conversations, recreational activities, active listening, eye contact
Acts of Service - Actions speak louder than words, acts done for them that makes their lives easier.

Words of Affirmation. Its easier to say she likes her ego stroked but its not that simple and I don't want to dump on Willow when that aspect of her isn't entirely her fault.

It seems Willow didn't receive many words of affirmation that was directly personalised to her growing up, more generalised sentiments from whatever article Shelia was reading. She got the grades that validated her genius but not her as a person. I think a well done from someone she cares about would mean a lot more than an A+.
Receiving encouragement, compliments and words of appreciation from someone she cares about would mean more to her as she has experienced how little effort goes into a sentiment but an actual compliment means they see her and want to put the effort in to do so.

I guess an example of this is in After Life when Tara and Willow were talking in bed and Willow admitted she wanted a thankyou from Buffy. She received the gift of Buffy back but she wanted that one last bit of affirmation to confirm she did the right thing.

Rutkowski · **Posted:** Fri Sep 23, 2022 3:53 am

Physical Touch - but more of the cuddling variety than sexual intercourse kind.

My reasoning is that she has, from the very obvious hints given to us in the show, grown up in a house where affection wasn't just a rare good but almost unheard of. It's shown with both her close friendships and her relationships.

She continued being 'cuddly' with Xander after meeting Oz, something that spiralled into the fluke. After that, they never really returned to status quo. Not as friends or as cuddlers.

She did continue to stay physically close to Buffy until about mid-season 4. Incidentally, it was around that time that their friendship slowly began to deteriorate.

It was also the same time that she met Tara. It's not unreasonable to consider that she would see cuddling with Buffy as being unfaithful towards Tara (see again, the fluke) and that she would begin to physically withdraw to ensure that Tara didn't misread Willow and Buffy's friendship.

Which, y'know, wasn't the best move in hindsight but a rather pragmatic fix for an insecure young woman who feared repeating past mistakes.

Dub · **Posted:** Sat Sep 24, 2022 1:40 am

Thankyou for sharing your thought behind Physical touch.

I was thinking this as well because like wise with the After Life scene there is physical touch.
The 'Its complicated' scene where Buffy is freaked, there is minimal if any touching. That ill feeling carries over to Yoko factor. That's eventfully resolved through abseil hug.

But the thing that annoys me most about having to single peoples love language type out (for whatever reason), is that every single choice has a seriously strong meaningful impact depending on what situation and era of Willow (or anyone) you look at.

The most lenient tests give percentiles of peoples love language types but its not correct at all because it factors in no adaption allowance. Different situations call for a different response. Plus we naturally mimic our surroundings so for someone such as Xander who is big on physical displays of affection, you're going to want to replicate that because it means something to them so it means something to you.
Also Xander has his moments of being a great cheerleader through words of affirmation, but that means no less or no more than his physical touch. It really depends on so many factors as to why it's meaningful in that moment.

Then there's the connotation of romantic love and platonic love. The language could be completely different. Which you touch on with the difference between interaction of Willow with Tara and Buffy.
We all act differently with different people. Each person we meet has a different impact and so meaningful love language between them isn't comparable.

I think I just despise the concept of categorising types of love language and using it as a universal gauge.

However for these reasons, I find it interesting hearing what people perceive as the most meaningful and what points they use to back up that notion. It gives a deeper insight and possible new view into how and why a scene was played out as it was.

Thankyou for sharing yours. I hadn't thought of the the difference in behaviour Willow has between Buffy and Tara. Its given me something to look at. Thanks.

The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

Love Language

Who is online