Thank you all for your replies to #20 ... I'll do replies to the replies as soon as I can - been a bit busy. Sorry this new vignette took me so long.
Series: Vignettes
Number: 21
Title: What A Girl's Gotta' Do
Author: Sassette
Feedback: Can be sent to
pink_overalls@yahoo.comSpoiler Warning: Season Six AU with no W/T badness involved.
Summary: Please excuse the overall, ummm … "horniness" to this particular vignette - it was requested during kitten chat, so blame Autumn and xita. A tiny peek into Xander's bachelor party.
Disclaimer: I didn't create these characters. I do, however, love them, and as they reside in my heart, they belong to me. I'm not making any money off of them, though.
Rating: PG-13
NOTES: Requested by Autumn and xita … so, this is lovingly dedicated to them, and to Ruth, because Ruth is just damn cool.
What A Girl's Gotta Do
Part 21 of the Vignettes Series
by Sassette
"So, umm … why are we here again? Exactly?" Tara asked quietly, standing outside The Bronze and fidgeting slightly. She tugged at her flannel shirt, pulling a face as she looked down at her body, clad in jeans, boots, and a white t-shirt.
"You didn't have to come to this, baby," Willow said, looking sympathetically at Tara and making her own face as she looked at her similarly clad body. "There was no need for both of us to go through this pain. Not that I don't want you here," Willow added quickly, looking up with a panicked expression. "I always like spending time with you, and I certainly don't want you to think that I want you to be anywhere else, because right next to me is where you should be. Not that we're all joined-at-the-hip or anything," she went on, her panic increasing as she felt like she was sticking her foot further and further into her mouth. "I mean, you can do your own thing and have your own friends and go off la la la and do things when I'm not around, and I can do things when you're not around, but things are better when we're both around, together, with the togetherness and the, umm … togetherness," she finished lamely.
"Shush," Tara said, looking around then planting a light kiss on Willow's lips as a preventative measure against round two of an all-out Willow-Babble. "I know I didn't have to, but Anya's bachelorette party isn't until tomorrow, and Xander actually invited me. How could I say no?"
"Well, I'm here because as Xander's best man, I have to be here," Willow said, her voice rising as they entered the bar, the din in the room making hearing difficult. "Just remember - if it gets too bad, there's always beer," Willow said with a wink, winding through the tables and sidestepping around the mass of bodies in the room.
"But I don't like beer," Tara protested.
"Me neither," Willow said with a little shrug. "But sometimes a girl's gotta' do what a girl's gotta do."
"Right," Tara said in an undertone, inwardly steeling herself for a testosterone-heavy evening. She had actually been touched and honored when Xander's invitation had included her - like it was yet another way she had broken into the Scooby fold - but now she was beginning to think it was a dubious distinction at best.
"Willow, Tara!" Xander said, standing up and waving happily, listing slightly to starboard as the girls approached the table. "You're here!" he pointed out needlessly, grinning goofily, his eyes somewhat glazed. "This is Tito, Pete, Juan, and Derek. Guys, this is Willow and Tara. And of course, you already know the Buffster," Xander said, wrapping an arm around a bemused Buffy's shoulders.
"Hi," Willow said, waving a little nervously, then sitting down next to Xander, leaving the spot between Buffy and herself for Tara.
"And you're here in plenty of time for the wet t-shirt contest," Buffy said sweetly, batting her eyelashes, her tone indicating her disapproval of the activity.
"W-wet, umm … t-shirt contest?" Tara asked slowly, her eyes widening. Willow turned her head, leveling a look at Xander.
"What?" Xander said, raising his hands defensively. "It's a bachelor party. And," he added, waggling his eyebrows. "The table that produces the winner gets free drinks. So which on of you is going to enter?"
"None of us," Buffy said with a firm nod. "So don't even think about it."
"Why'd you bring chicks to this thing, anyway?" Tito asked Xander, drunk enough to misjudge how loud he was speaking.
"They're my best friends," Xander said with a little shrug. "Besides … just pretend they're guys." Willow, Buffy and Tara all exchanged amused looks at Xander's words, silently shrugging.
"Sorry - your friend Buffy doesn't look like a guy," Tito said, with his own little shrug, throwing him a little off-balance and making him lean precariously in his chair. Willow opened her mouth to speak, an offended look on her face, but closed it when Tara cast her a significant look that said 'play nice', laying a hand on Willow's knee and squeezing gently.
"Hey, Willow and Tara don't either," Xander said, frowning at his friend and trying to help him sit upright. Willow was clearly uncertain over whether to be mollified or exasperated by Xander's defense, and contented herself with catching Tara's gaze with her own and rolling her eyes. Tara just smirked and rolled her eyes back, also choosing to remain silent.
"Well, no, but they're dressed like it. Makes it easier to pretend," Tito said with a shrug. "Besides, they're lesbians, right?"
"Right," Xander said, nodding sagely.
"That's the next best thing to being a guy," Tito said as if imparting great wisdom.
"I'm not sure I can take this much macho," Willow whispered quietly to Tara. "Think I should see if I can talk Buffy into challenging them all to arm-wrestling?" Tara stifled a laugh in response, quickly raising a hand to cover her mouth and snorting.
"Besides … guy … girl … who can tell the difference when you've had this much to drink?" Xander asked, a wide grin splitting his face. His grin fell, changed into a confused scowl. "That sounded a lot more gay than I had intended. Not that there's anything wrong with that," he added quickly.
"Sure there is," Pete piped up. "Being gay is very wrong … for straight people," he said, shrugging lightly. "Just like being straight is very wrong for gay people. Being either one is wrong for bisexuals. It's important to have a strong and realistic sense of self-identity, and to not pretend to be something you're not. The important thing is to know who you are, and to be the best 'you' ever, gay OR straight," he finished with a decisive nod of his head.
Everyone just looked at him, the table quiet as several drunk minds and a few surprised ones digested his words.
"I'm sorry if my philistine coworkers have offended you ladies," Pete said, casting a wry look towards Willow and Tara. "They don't get out much."
"Hey - do I look like I'm from the Philistines?" Derek asked, a little frown on his face.
"Can I get you ladies anything to drink?" a waitress asked, approaching the table and addressing Willow and Tara.
"Beer," they said in unison.
*********************************************
"No, no," Willow said, shaking her head widely, her balance a little off in her new seat next to Pete and cross from Buffy. As the conversations had picked up, the seating arrangements had shuffled around several times, people moving closer to whomever they were speaking to. "You shee," she slurred. "They're comforting. Peaceful."
"Absolutely," Pete agreed, nodding emphatically. "Subconsciously, we seek that nurturing - that caring."
"They're life-giving and beautiful," Willow piped back in, nodding in time with Pete. Pete and Willow were now sitting together, looking seriously at Buffy, who was attempting to look seriously back at them.
"Breasts," Derek said, snickering into his beer, a sloppy grin on his face.
"I still don't see the attraction," Buffy said with a little shrug, hiding a smile. She was >so< going to tease Willow about this later. It had only taken three beers and Buffy's 'innocent' inquiry as to what was so wonderful about breasts and wet t-shirt contests in the first place, and suddenly Willow and the boys were the best of friends, trying to explain it to her.
"God, if I had breasts, I'd never leave the house," Tito said fervently, his eyes wide and sincere, if somewhat drunkenly glazed. "I'd just play with them all the time."
"Some days, it's harder to leave the house than others," Willow said seriously, then broke out into wicked giggles, slapping the table with mirth as the guys all joined in, patting her on the back and laughing it up.
"I love boobies," Xander said with a happy little sigh, gazing off into the distance.
"Yeah, boobies," Tara said, a dreamy look crossing her face as she slung a companionable arm around Xander's shoulders and gazed off in the same direction.
"Tara?" Buffy asked uncertainly. "How many have you had?" She peered at the table, trying to count up how many empty glasses were in front of Tara, but found it impossible to tell which belonged to the blonde and which belonged to the other people at the table. Somehow, though, she suspected a large number were Tara's - she had really expected Willow's inner horn-dog to come roaring out of its cage despite her reservations about coming to the bachelor party, but certainly not Tara.
"Ummm …" Tara said, her distant gaze focusing on the table. "These?" she said, her hand flopping onto several empty glasses. "And maybe those?" she said, pointing at nothing in particular.
"Maybe you should switch to water?" Buffy suggested gently.
"Huh?" Willow said, looking over at Buffy, then swinging her gaze over to Tara. "Are you drunk, baby? Are you okay? Should I take you home?" she asked, her eyes focusing somewhat as her concern for Tara pushed through the pleasant fuzziness in her head.
"Oh, I'm fine," Tara said, grinning broadly and nodding her head. "I'm having fun. Xander and I were just talking about boobies."
"Really?" Willow said, a delighted smile crossing her face. "That's so strange. Pete and I were just talking about boobies, too!"
"And can we talk about something other than boobies?" Buffy asked, closing her eyes briefly and shaking her head as she heard herself say the word 'boobies'. Somehow, she suddenly felt like she'd been tossed back into junior high school. Into the boys locker room.
"Why?" Tito asked seriously, a puzzled look on his face.
"Yeah, why?" Tara asked. "I like boobies. We all like boobies. Don't you like boobies?" she asked, her face suddenly concerned as the thought occurred to her that maybe Buffy didn't like boobies. It would be so very sad if Buffy didn't like her own boobies - because, really, she was going to have them her whole life. "You have very nice boobies," she assured her. "You should really like them," she encouraged.
"I do like my boobies!" Buffy said defensively, her voice rising. "There's nothing wrong with my boobies!"
Willow blinked, her brow furrowing. "Did you just tell Buffy she had nice boobies?" she asked Tara. "Did my girlfriend just tell my best friend she had nice boobies?" she asked again, turning the question to Pete.
"Yes," Pete said solemnly. "Sure looked like it to me," he confirmed, nodding.
"I'm not sure how I feel about that," Willow went on, a puzzled frown tugging at the corner of her lips. "Hey, Xander - how would you feel if your girlfriend told your best friend she had nice boobies?"
"You mean, if Anya said you had nice boobies?" Xander asked, seeking clarification for his beer-fogged brain. "Or if I said Tara had nice boobies?"
"Well, Tara >does< have nice boobies," Willow pointed out. "So not that one."
"Hey!" Tara said, looking over at Willow. "Just 'nice'?"
"Oh, no!" Willow said, her eyes widening and her head shaking back and forth. "Much better than nice. Fantastic. Amazing. Absolutely gorgeous and worthy of much drooling and attention."
"No, you said nice," Tara said, a hurt look falling over her features. "You think my boobies are nice!" she accused, her wide blue eyes filling up with tears.
"Okay, I think it's time to get you home," Buffy said, standing up to take Tara's arm, intent on collecting her, then Willow, and getting them back to the house.
"Oooh! The contest is starting!" Tito said, pointing to the stage where a young woman in a white t-shirt stood, waiting for a bucket of water to be dumped over her head.
"May I present …. Autumn!" the announcer yelled, just as the water poured over the contestant.
"Really?" Willow said, her head swinging around to the stage.
"Now >those< are great boobies," Xander said, nodding his head. "How can you not like boobies?" he asked, looking over at Buffy. "I just don't get it," he said, shaking his head as though saddened by Buffy's inability to appreciate the female form.
Tara's eyes narrowed dangerously as Willow clapped and cheered along with the rest of the crowd. Silently, she slipped off her chair, heading to the bathroom. "A girl's gotta' do what a girl's gotta' do," she muttered to herself, firming her resolve.
"Where's Tara?" Willow asked, when Autumn left the stage and the next contestant stepped on, looking around and noting that her girlfriend was missing.
"Crap," Buffy said under her breath, looking around. Xander had ended up pulling her into some bizarre conversation she didn't care to dwell upon, and she had completely lost track of where Tara had gone. "I don't see her," she said, doing another visual sweep of the crowd. She turned back toward Willow, something catching her eye by the stage. "Oh. My. God."
"What?" Willow asked, her eyes widening at Buffy's tone.
"I think … I think Tara's going to enter the contest," Buffy said, pointing to the line of girls by the stage, Tara among them, her flannel shirt and her bra in her hand.
"What?" Willow squeaked, as the announcer presented Xita, the water pouring over her to the cheers of the crowd. Willow spotted Tara, her brain trying to process the idea of Tara actually entering this contest and finding itself completely unable to do so. "What?" she asked again numbly.
"Tara. Contest. Wet. T-shirt. Go. Stop. Her," Buffy said, helping Willow out of her chair and pushing her towards her wayward girlfriend.
The simple wording seemed to snap Willow's brain out of its logic loop, and she headed towards the line of contestants, her resolve face firmly in place.
"What are you doing?" she asked, sidling up to Tara, a stern look on her face.
"Oh, ummm," Tara said, her eyes widening. "Entering the contest?" she asked uncertainly. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Willow had been staring at other women, and had said that her boobies were just 'nice'. What else was she supposed to do? But now she was having second thoughts.
"Entering the …." Willow began, then stopped, her brain halting on the idea yet again. "Entering the contest? No," Willow said firmly, crossing her arms over her chest.
"No?" Tara asked, frowning lightly.
"I absolutely forbid it. There is no way you're going to go running around in a wet t-shirt in a bar full of people who aren't me!" Willow insisted.
"Forbid it? Did you just tell me 'no'?" Tara asked incredulously.
"Right," Willow said, her temper rising. "There's no way I'm going to let you do this."
"Let me?" Tara asked again. "Let me?" she asked, her voice raising. "I don't think you have any say in this," she said.
"Baby," Willow said, her expression softening. "I just know you'll be really embarrassed about this tomorrow."
"Embarrassed? First my boobies are nice, and now they're embarrassing? You don't think I can win, do you?" Tara asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "Just … why don't you just go sit down?" Tara said, her words more of an order than a question.
"Fine," Willow said tightly, stalking back to the table and returning to her chair.
"Willow?" Buffy asked, looking at her friend with wide eyes.
"Yes?" Willow snapped.
"Why isn't Tara back here? Why is Tara still in the line?" Buffy asked.
"She's entering the stupid contest. I told her not to. I told her," Willow said, frowning.
"Told her?" Tito asked, shaking his head. "Boy, have you got a lot to learn about women."
"Waitaminute," Xander said slowly, his brain trying to catch up to the conversation. "Tara's entering the contest? Does that mean our drinks will be free?"
"Oh, brother," Buffy muttered, standing up. "As the only sober and responsible one here, I'm going to go stop Tara before anything irrevocable happens," she told everyone, moving away from the table.
"… Tara!" the announcer said over the loudspeakers, the distinct sound of water splashing carrying across the bar.
"… or maybe not," Buffy said, sitting back down and letting her head fall against the table. Tara was >so< going to kill her in the morning.
Willow's head shot up, her eyes widening as the announcer said Tara's name, the water seeming to move in slow-motion in her field of vision. It arced gracefully through the air, falling over Tara's hair and splattering against her white t-shirt, soaking the fabric and making it cling to her skin.
Tara's eyes were closed, and her mouth opened as she spluttered lightly. Her hands rose up, pushing the water from her eyes and lifting her breasts, the cold water causing her nipples to harden against the now see-through and sodden fabric. Music played, and Tara placed her hands on her hips, the water dripping down her body, creating dark patches in the light fabric of her jeans. She arched her back, the wet material of the t-shirt stretching across her breasts.
With a toss of her head to the side, her hair threw sparkling drops of water through the air, the lighting of the stage sending a shower of color all around. Somehow, despite the lights on the stage and relative dimness of the seating area, Tara's eyes found Willow's, a self-satisfied and sultry look making the blue seem deeper somehow - glowing.
On one level, Willow knew that everyone was staring, just like she had been afraid they would, but she was too transfixed to care. In a way, it didn't matter, really. It didn't matter who was watching, or where they were - this was for her. Tara was doing this for her, and only her, and everyone else in the room was irrelevant, ceasing to exist in the focused regard they had for only each other.
They were the only two people in the world.
**************************************
Tara groaned, the bright light seeping through her closed eyelids, and a million and three dwarves mining for diamonds in her skull. Her mouth felt … fuzzy and her whole body ached. What the …?
Blearily, she cracked open one blood-shot eye, seeing a suspiciously cheerful Willow looking at her, standing next to the blinds of the window. The wide-open blinds of the window.
"Unnnnggghhh," Tara uttered, rolling away from the Evil Sun, her gaze catching the clock. Noon. She was still in bed at noon? What the frilly heck had she done last night?
She remembered Xander's bachelor party, and drinking a beer … and ….
"Oh, God," she said, pulling a nearby pillow over her head, hoping she could just smother herself and get it over with.
"Oh, poor baby," Willow whispered. "I brought you water and aspirin."
"You - you are a saint," Tara whispered hoarsely. "But I'm going to have to kill you. And then Buffy."
"Me? What did I do?" Willow asked innocently.
"Did I enter a wet t-shirt contest last night?" Tara asked.
"Nope," Willow said brightly. "You >won< a wet t-shirt contest last night. You've got the most glorious boobies in all of Sunnydale."
"Oh, God."
by That kind of love » Tue Jul 02, 2002 2:57 pm 
That was so funny. Off to work with a smile on my face now. 
! 
at: 7/3/02 1:13:15 am
I must say, though, if you would have mentioned Ruth in the contest as well....weeeelllllll LOLOL 
at: 7/3/02 6:50:23 pm
