REPOST: The Heart Rules The Mind

[DarkWiccan]

Puff -- Glad you liked the update... I felt it was time the girls started taking baby steps toward each other...



Cheers

DW

[Washi]

Finally! slowly getting closer, but still getting there.

I so know of the aroused but hope she doesn't notice thing. Whenever she sleeps over, my best friend (who I happen to be in love with) tends to snuggle up to me in my sleep. And she tends to put her leg between my thighs. That one kills me!

But yay, they're slowly getting there. Me= happy.



As for the update on Dark Core, I don't know when that one will be ready. I have the next 2 for HWY pretty much done, or in my head anyways, but DC 's updates are harder to write. But hopefully, I'll post something soon. Glad you like it, and yay .

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :. .:Blink.Flash.Sparkle.:. .:My blog:. .:Blood and Ink:. .:Washi's 70s Site:.

[getsstuckin]

kinda new to this feedback thingy



just wanted to say i had the kind of day that makes ya head wanna



but because of you and this fantastic story im now sitting here with this huge grin on my face



self portrait really



so for making a crappy day so much better Thankyou

[ophelia11]

I wore a big grin the whole time I read this update. It was interesting to see Willow's struggle to define what was happening between them, and I'm curious to know if Tara was aware of the affect she was having. This keeps getting better and better.

[The Rose24]

It seems Tara is starting to relax a bit. Tara has had a lot to deal with, and Willow should give her some time, and if Willow does give Tara some time, it will pay off someday.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[DarkWiccan]

!!!!



I am NOT trying to post an HTML comment!! Why does it keep saying that I am?



Okay...breathing...in...out...in...out...



Alright... I'm gonna try and post my replies in a new post...



maybe that will work....

"Promise me you'll never be linear." "On my trout."

Edited by: DarkWiccan at: 3/25/04 11:54 pm

[Sheba]

Nice update DW! More-ish, soon-ish please?!



One more thing...By any stroke of dumb luck was Little Sheba a dog???

[DarkWiccan]

HTML Comments are not allowed







Okay,.,..alright... that's it... fine... I'm giving up on posting my replies tonight... I will post them AGAIN tomorrow... hopefully it will be working then...



Sigh....



Cheers

DW

"Promise me you'll never be linear." "On my trout."

Edited by: DarkWiccan at: 3/25/04 11:56 pm

[mollyig]

Aw poor DW. Is the nasty ezboard monster making life difficult for ya?



Lovely update. It must have taken a lot of courage for Willow to allow herself to enjoy holding Tara like that. Glad she didn't allow fear of rejection to spoil the moment.



Thanks!

---

"Love is just like breathing when it's true" Indigo Girls

[Grimlock72]

DW, emailed you the how/why of that stupid 'no comments allowed' message. To everybody else; avoid using -x-> without the x (can't use as example here of course:-)



update: You're listed email-adress doesn't work, send the message to your ezboard box instead.



On to the story.



It was nice that Willow was thinking they were 'testing each other', but that really wasn't the case now was it? More like Tara testing Willow. After all, Willow doesn't *need* to test Tara as far as liking/loving her is concerned. She already has that down pat



I thankfully have no experience with dear ones dying, so I can't reflect those vs. the story. But Tara's memory/dream did read like a sad one. Poor Tara, being haunted by nightmares. Willow gave good advice there, I wonder how she got it.



This was a fun line "I just wanted to make sure that your leg wasn't falling asleep or something" ... if anything was going on with Willow's leg it was most definitly NOT falling asleep, heh.



I don't think Willow is activly pursueing Tara, as far as having her fall in love with Willow is concerned. It's just that Willow loves Tara very much and wants to take care of her in every which way Tara will let her. That might but Tara on the spot since she might feel the need to do something back to Willow. I think Willow could be happy for a long while just taking care of Tara, I hesitate to write 'forever' there though.



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 3/26/04 5:59 am

[Urn of Osiris]

DW,



Again you offer us fantastic writing. The detail in this update was so amazing. The simple sensations and complex thoughts. I love the way you write the conflicted yet determined Willow. This was fantastic to read. I could feel Willow's fear and excitement. The momentum of this fic is brilliant. Like a luscious dessert. There is that need to devour it just to get to the end but that lingering of flavor makes you savor the moment as it comes. There is great passion here. It seeps from every update.



Wonderful story! Thanks for bringing this back to pens.

Urn of Osiris"Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story." Max Ehrmann Desiderata

[DarkWiccan]

Replies:



Washi -- I think at some point in our lives we have all experienced ill-timed arousal... I had one friend who sort of glanced over this before I posted actually think I was going to far by mentioning it... and I was like, why? this really happens... it's not like Willow was announcing it outloud... we

women may not have to deal with the obviousness of an erection... but when we get excited and stuff starts happening down there... well... stuff starts happening.. and it can be equally as distressing if you don't want the person your with to know because it can still be noticeable. And yes... this is the beginning of a very loooong road. So I hope ya'll are in for a the long haul...



getsstuckin -- Welcome to the board... and welcome to my thread! I'm glad I was able to make your day a little better.



ophelia11 -- Big grins are good, see >> Is Tara aware of the effect she is having on Willow?... That question is actually the focus of an upcoming update... maybe not the very next one... but one of the next few ones...



The Rose24 -- Very perceptive... but is Willow as perceptive as you? We shall see and time shall tell.



Sheba-- Um...well... my grandfather's got a poodle named Sheba.... but other than that... not that I'm aware of...



mollyig -- Yeah, it took TONS of courage on Willow's part to make those teeny tiny moves ... but she made them... now the long road to...whatever is next...



Urn of Osiris -- Wow... I don't think any reply I could write would match the eloquence of your post... ... So...uh... thanks!!



Grimlock72 -- Thanks for the assist with the ezboard monster As for the testing thing... Willow is testing Tara... not testing whether or not she likes the blonde, but testing to see how far the she will let her go in her physical affections. Tara may or may not be testing Willow. She may be testing to see how the redhead responds to her sudden closeness... or she might be oblivious to the effect she is having on her... Similarly, Tara might be testing herself to see how she feels about getting closer to Willow... or again with the obliviousness. So far as Willow pursuing Tara... you're right, she's not actively chasing after her... for several reasons... the most obvious being fear of rejection... But, I think that Willow is doing the right thing by not making advances because Tara is confused enough as it is and it really is up to the blonde to set the pace to this... whatever it is... cuz it ain't nothin' yet



Okay...well.. I might as well be honest with ya'll... I have no CLUE what is going to happen next... I finished writing the last update and was like...okay...now what? So I need to let my muse rest a little and hopefully it will come to me... a sudden jolt of undeniable brilliance hehe j/k... But please do be patient with me if there isn't another update tonight.



Cheers!

DW

Edited by: DarkWiccan at: 3/27/04 6:13 pm

[quarian]

I haven't been to the board in a long time, forgot how funny Willow babbling can be. I confess I read this fic coz I was looking for a post by Always E, but the story had me smiling, all that self-conversation in Willow's head sounds way familiar...





Cindy



__

Always E, if you read this, contact me!

Edited by: quarian at: 3/26/04 9:20 am

[JustSkipIt]

Hey DW,

Well done and I enjoyed the lighter tone to this part quite a bit. Nice to see the two girls starting to get back to a "normal" level of affection for them. I'm impressed with Tara for taking the initiative after her conversation with Anya. And also impressed with Willow for her small movements. Well done.

---

"Your little will can't do anything. It takes Great Determination. Great Determination doesn't mean just you making an effort. It means the whole universe is behind you and with you - the birds, trees, sky, moon, and ten directions." - Katagiri Roshi

[DarkWiccan]

Replies:



JustSkipIt -- Thanks. I felt it was time for a lighter-edged update... it had been getting a tad heavy handed... frankly it was wearing me out too



quarian -- I let E know that you were looking for her... hopefully she has gotten in touch with you...



Okay... thanks to some help from a friend, *cough*kieli*cough, cough*, I now have an idea of what is going to happen next... so! I am off to write... I anticipate an update tomorrow sometime... again, no guarantees, but I will try.



Cheers

DW

"Promise me you'll never be linear." "On my trout."

[quarian]

DW, thanks!



I haven't heard from her yet, but hopefully she'll write me soon.





cindy

_

...and when it came, I had to run and I'll never be the same. - SURE

[Kieli]

Hey now! Does this mean that if your update is naughty or the angst level gets kicked up several notches, your fans are gonna throw 'maters at me? Cuz if so, Ahm outtie We dahn't want no riahtin' heah *says in a really pitiful Bahston accent*

Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

[lipkandy]

sorry, doing another drive-by here I know I've been a very BAD Kitten lately. between RL, work and the flu, I can't seem to catch a break. I'll try to be better, but as you probably know, I've always been pretty lame at feedback



anyway, I'm still loving this and I think the thing I love most about it is Willow. even though it's an AU, it's so completely WILLOW -- sacrificing everything for her friends and the people she loves including her own happiness. also, love that they're taking such small steps back to each other...or toward each other. it all feels very fragile and...right. really lovely.



thanks again.



xomel

[DarkWiccan]

Angst Level: 2

____________________________________________



Willow sat at the kitchen table inside Buffy’s home, fiddling with the wax fruit centerpiece. She didn’t visit with Buffy often, she sort of considered the petite blonde a twice-removed friend, meaning someone she had met when one friend had introduced her to another subsequent friend who then introduced her to Buffy. But she did enjoy spending time with the girl, she was funny and they made each other laugh and Willow felt she could always be entirely open with her, even if they really didn’t know each other that well.



“So what’s on your mind, Will?” Buffy asked, coming out from behind the kitchen counter with a glass of iced tea in each hand. “What’s bugging you?” she clarified, sitting down next to the redhead at the table and passing her a chilled glass.



“Nothing”, Willow shrugged her shoulders, trying to sound upbeat.



“Somehow I don’t believe that”, countered Buffy.



“Why?”



“Because by the way your handling my wax apple, you’re gonna turn it into a wax pear.”



Willow guiltily looked down to at the fruit in question that she was kneading and squeezing nervously in her hands. She ceased her movements and apologetically placed the apple back in the basket. “Sorry”, she mumbled.



“S’okay”, the blonde chuckled.



Willow paused a moment, chewing the inside of her cheek. “Can I ask you something?”



“Sure.”



“Do you remember high school?”



Buffy looked at her unbelievingly, “Yeah… I work at one.”



“No,” Willow groaned, “I mean when you were still a kid in school. Do you remember what it was like?”



“Sort of…honestly, my memory of that time has become dangerously idyllic in an effort to counterbalance having to deal with overly hormonal teenagers in the throes of daily melodramatic crises.”



Willow merely regarded her friend silently, a look of skepticism clearly plastered on her face.



“Okay”, Buffy relented, “I remember it clear as day. It was hell.”



Willow nodded, recalling her own years of adolescent trauma. “Do you remember the first person in high school that you had a crush on?”



“How could I forget?” Buffy sighed wistfully, “Chris Knightly, soccer god. He was beautiful and nice… real laid back…like…too cool for the room, ya know? He always had his acoustic guitar strapped to his back and a soccer ball at his feet. He always wore these baggy corduroys that somehow still managed to show off his perfect ass, and he had this whole collection of British football jerseys that he’d wear; and he wore these really cool hemp necklaces and bracelets… and Vans… he had the coolest Vans shoes. But what sold me were his eyes… crystal blue…gorgeous. I think his parents were former members of a hippie commune or something….”



“Obsess much?” Willow finally asked, eyebrow raised.



“I was a teenage girl!” Buffy defended.



“So, did you ever tell Chris Knightly that you worshipped the Vans he walked in?” queried Willow, both teasing and serious.



“No”, she sighed, “I tried to though… sending him subtle hints…”



“Like what?”



“A group of us always liked to hang out on the football field during lunch,” she recalled. “Chris would goof around on his guitar and we’d all just chill, eating our lunches… I’d make a point of always sitting right next to Chris and leaning in to him while he played… laughing at his jokes… constantly flipping my hair over my shoulder… the usual nonsense that screams for attention that guys never notice.”



“Were you guys close at all?”



Buffy mulled over the question for a moment before answering. “Um…sort of. I mean, we hung out sometimes after school. But we never shared anything deep. We used to watch movies in his parents basement… a couple of times I actually got the courage to snuggle up to him…”



“You did?” Willow was suddenly extremely interested.



“Yeah… man, I remember it was so nerve-wracking…not knowing if at any second he was going to find some excuse to push me away…”



“Did he?”



“No… but he never did anything to encourage me either…he just kind of let me lie there, with my head on his leg.” The blonde let out yet another sigh, “Anyway…it doesn’t matter… nothing ever came of it and I ended up dating Jarrod Buckman my senior year while Chris started spending time with Auburn Wentworth… she was more his style anyway…laid-back hippie chick with her own set of Vans…Wow… it seems like ancient history now.” Buffy looked over at Willow and saw that she was chewing the inside of her cheek again in thought. “So tell me, why the walk down memory lane? Why so interested in knowing about my first crush?”



“If you and I were watching a movie… and I suddenly snuggled up to you and put my head in your lap…what would you think of it?”



“Nothing,” Buffy shrugged.



“Nothing?!” Willow echoed, disappointment evident in her voice.



“It’s different with girls,” the blonde tried to explain, “with girls snuggling doesn’t mean anything sexual.”



“With straight girls,” Willow countered, “with straight girls it doesn’t mean anything sexual.”



“Okay, I’ll rephrase,” Buffy appeased, “with girls in general, gay or straight, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything sexual.”



“Define”, Willow pressed.



Buffy rolled her eyes a little, starting to get an idea as to where this was going. “As women we are the comforters and the nurturers of the human race and that includes providing comfort and safety for each other. We are naturally inclined to show more casual physical affection toward one another without it meaning anything beyond a shoulder to lean on…”



Willow took a sip of iced tea, setting the glass back down. “Okay, let me ask you this… same scenario, you and I watching a movie…only you know that I have a major crush on you… and the next thing you know I’ve snuggled up to you and put my head in your lap…how do you feel about it now?”



“Well, it’s different now…because I know that you have feelings for me…and your closeness could suggest a desire to increase our intimacy beyond friends”, Buffy thought a moment, “yeah…it could make me feel a little uncomfortable.”



“Last question,” announced the redhead, practically vibrating in her seat from nervous energy. “We’re watching a movie…You know that I like you…I know that you know that I like you…you decide to snuggle up to me and put your head in my lap. What does it mean?”



“I know that you like me”, Buffy repeated, half mumbling, “and you know that I know that you like me…and I decide to put my head in your lap… … do I like you?” She asked.



“I don’t know,” Willow replied.



“Okay… so I know that you like me, and you know that I know that you like me, but you don’t know if I like you… … but I decide to snuggle up to you with my head in your lap…” she drifted off at the end. She blew some air through her lips, making them buzz. She finally shook her head in frustration. “Okay, obviously this situation has happened to you…. I need more information before I know how to answer this question…so spill.”



Willow let out a long breath, finishing off by making a clucking sound with her tongue against the roof of her mouth. Just like Giles, she thought, recalling her childhood piano instructor. Buffy’s peering gaze brought her back to the present. “Last week I was over at Tara’s and we were watching a movie and she snuggled up to me and put her head in my lap.”



“And that’s it?”



“I put my hand on her shoulder.”



“And what did she do?”



“Nothing.”



“Did you do anything else?” Buffy asked, pushing for more information.



“I…I ran my fingers through her hair…”



“Really?” the blonde’s interest was thoroughly piqued. “And what did she do when you did that?”



“Um... she said that if I kept doing that it would make her fall asleep, so I asked her if I should stop and she said, ‘no’.”



“She said, ‘no’?” Buffy’s eyes were wide with attention.



“Yeah, but then she asked me to stop a couple of minutes later,” Willow went on, her expression fallen.



“Oh…”



“But she said it was just because she really was falling asleep and she didn’t want to…”



“Okay…”



“And she said that I could keep my hand on her shoulder,” she finished, smiling a little at the memory.



Buffy sat silently for a moment, processing all of the information, rubbing her chin with her fingers in thought. “Alright”, she said after a minute’s contemplation, “here’s what I think… I think she might be starting to like you…but still isn’t for sure.”



Willow slumped in her chair. “There are a lot of qualifiers in that statement, Buffy.”



“I know”, Buffy sighed, “but it’s the best I can do short of asking her… of course… I wouldn’t mind doing a little recon.”



“Really?”



“Sure.”



Willow thought about it seriously for a second. “Nah,” she said finally, “that’s so high school.”



“You brought up high school to begin with, remember?” said Buffy. “Besides, it does seem to be the level that you two are operating at right now anyway.”



The redhead nodded grudgingly. “I’ll think about it…”



*******

TBC...

Edited by: DarkWiccan at: 4/2/04 5:42 pm

[Kieli]

MUST you torture me so? I feel Willow's pain though. Although Buffy's not willing to make certain distinctions between gay girls and straight girls, IMHO there is a bit of a difference there when it comes to the "up close and personal" vibes. Her argument is logical but, yanno, some days it doesn't seem like it.

Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

[SilverWingedNemesis]

MORE MORE MORE!!!



I SO LOVE THIS FIC!!



Can't wait to see what happens next!!



keep up the great work!!!



you rock!

[The Rose24]

I have feeling Willow and Buffy are going to conspire. Maybe Buffy will find out some info.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[DarkWiccan]

lipkandy -- now, now... there will be no self-degradation of reply writing abilities in my thread. I will not have it...thou shalt not diss thyself in front of meself... or something... Anyhoo... I'm glad that you like it and you are very right... Willow is very fragile right now... with any luck... she won't break



kieliran -- yes, Buffy's argument is logical and mindnumbing all at once... just like Buffy herself.



SilverWingedNemesis -- Thank you!!!



The Rose24 -- Maybe they will....and maaaaybe they won't... just have to wait and see.



Cheers

DW

"Promise me you'll never be linear." "On my trout."

[sam darls]

Aww thatw as so beautiful..the way Willow decribed her and Tara to Buffy..awww . Can't wait for more. Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[mollyig]

I really hope the talk with Buffy is fruitful. Hmm, I rarely use that word, must be 'cause of the wax fruit.



I really liked that little detail of Willow kneading the wax apple. It's like something that she would do when nervous.

---

"Love is just like breathing when it's true" Indigo Girls

[Rocktoddy]

Aaaahhh.. loved the dialogue in this part. All the 'you know that I know that you know that I like you's' were pretty funny and took me a take or two to figure out. Heh. Cool how you snuck in a little Giles in there too as a piano instructor. And is it just me or does Buffy seem a bit.. I dunno... smart? Right. Prob just me.

Anyway, thanks for another great update DW!



p.s; I'm wearing Vans right now

----

"Never underestimate the power of 'I'd like that'." - Lesson from Uncle John Mayer

[quarian]

hey!!



Hehe, I loved this, chuckled my way through it, the twice-removed friend, wax pear, the whole hypothetical situation questioning and advice, totally sounded like a conversation between me and my friends! Except for the wax pear maybe...



I love the mood of this piece, it fits in with the whole wittiness of Buffy that drew me to the show from the start. And that very qualified answer hehe, been there done that, still doing it!!





Cindy



__

I have no answers, only questions.

But..ask the right questions and you can change your world.

- hawk

[DarkWiccan]

sam darls -- Willow is sort of on...well... I won't say cloud nine... more like cloud 6.5... about the snuggling session with Tara



mollyig -- Well, the talk didn't really accomplish anything except let us know that other people think Tara might be showing an interest in Willow...but this is based on Willow's account of the "snuggle-session" so the information may be unintentionally biased.... we shall see...



RockToddy -- It's not that the Buffy we are familiar with isn't smart... she's just really self-involved... this Buffy is not quite as self-involved and she is a bit more perceptive of the human condition... probably because in this world, demons don't exist... except for their own personal ones of course. As for the dialogue... I got the idea from two places... first from the fantastic and brilliant play "The Lion in Winter" from the conversation between Queen Eleanor and Prince Geoffrey that goes something like this: "I know that you know. You know that Henry knows. I know that Henry knows and Henry knows we know it. We're a very knowledgeable family." The second influence being from the disastrously awful Matrix: Revolutions where Neo has a line that sounds sort of like this (be sure to read this with your best Keanu surfer-dude voice) : "I know that you know that they know that we know that there is something to know... ya know?....Dude." So I just had to pay homage to both.



quarian -- Yes... aren't qualified answers fun? Sometimes I sit and try to come up with as many qualifiers as can fit in a sentence and still make it grammatically correct... but then again... I am insane... or quirky... depending on who you ask



Cheers

DW

[Grimlock72]

I could actually get to like this Buffy. Trust me, that is very, very, VERRRRY rare (yes I saw all seven seasons, my fault I know).



Was a bit of a tangle thinking 'I know that you know that I 8might know*..' and the like . Buffy not making the distinction between gay and straight girls isn't entirely correct in my view. It does obvious matter if the two people concerned are compatible attraction-wise (i.e. two gays women or a hetero woman and same guy). If they are and both acknowledge that, well then the lying down thing becomes a bit more 'intimate'... at least it feels that way.



I like Willow having a friend like Buffy with whom she can talk and think about such things, let some of her question and troubles out.



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[ophelia11]

I laughed out loud several times this update. The whole "what if" scenarios and Buffy's responses were hysterical. Buffy's response seemed insightful regarding Tara's changing feelings. I'll be interested to see Tara's thoughts on this new development.