New Fic - Neverland

[EasierSaid]

Sassette First of all, you're very welcome with regard to pimping your fic—I do it gladly! I love your writing, and hope everyone that visits the board checks out your wonderful vignettes. As for proof that Jesus loves you... *snicker* I know Jesus loves me because, well, I have a well-worn t-shirt that says so. This story is indeed a slow burn. Partially intentional (describing their days in great—and I'm sure, to some, tedious—detail), partially a sad side effect of a crazy busy life (damn those long delays between updates). I really want Willow and Tara to be friends in this story, and you're right, because they think the other isn't interested, friends is what they *think* is the best they can hope for. I think they'll be better off for it, in the long run. Thanks re: Tara's obsessive thoughts, as well. I've been that derailed before, and wanted to show how easily it was to get distracted by some stressful or extremely puzzling thoughts... especially when the creative energy is just not flowing. When I tried to picture Tara for this update, I just kept imagining her yawning or stretching, you know, anything but focused. She went through so much in the morning, that I wouldn't have blamed her if she had headed home and gone straight to bed for a nap! Dead on that Tara is reluctant of admitting the truth, though she's starting to put a toe into the proverbial pool. I hope to get into this maybe-fear more in future updates. And yay for Dawn—I like the character of Dawn, even if I didn't always like her on the show (but then, was I supposed to? Seemed like that was sort of the point of adding a young teen to the cast...). I see her as definitely rooting for love, and I see the Dawn in the story as definitely rooting for Tara to find love. Thanks so much Sass, great to hear from you and hope you're doing well.

DarkWiccan Holy crap, did I break you? (Or, perhaps, alienate you?) Thanks so much DarkWiccan, so glad to see that you're reading and enjoying!

writerfreak Haha no passing out! Hopefully you and your girlfriend enjoyed the update, and will like this next one as well. Tara is definitely being driven nuts by all of the question marks surrounding Willow, and she probably will do something... but what? That's the big question, I guess; hopefully, you'll like what she ends up choosing to do. Thanks so much!

db You're very welcome! I'm just glad I could finally find the time to write an update. It feels really good to be back thinking and creating again. Tara is clueing in... she's just being very, very cautious about what she's clueing in on. You're right, Dawn was a big time W/T shipper in general, though I'm not sure in this instance this Dawn has fully pieced 2+2 together. For right now, I think, she's just giddy at the thought of Tara falling in love. That thought, I'm sure, thrills her, and you're right, Tara does have something new to ruminate on. I think you're right that Tara is afraid of her feelings being reciprocated; hope to explain that a little bit as the story goes on. (I think your speculatin' isn't that far off.) Thanks very much about liking this Willow; I agree with you, I think she's brave too. She's undergoing some major changes, and doing it in her own way, in a way that makes her feel comfortable. That's hard stuff! Hopefully more on her trip to Khalil's will come out in the next few updates; nothing sinister, definitely something good for Willow. Thanks so much db, I really appreciate the kind words.

roomforsquarez Hehe, probably a good thing that you didn't scream; wouldn't want the people you live with to cut off your internet so as to prevent future late-night screaming fits! Yay for quiet happy dances. Those are fun, and they usually burn some calories too! And very funny about the foreplay. That could be this story's tagline: "Neverland: The longest most frustrating foreplay you will ever endure". Thanks so much Kim!

beanie Crapdoodle - such a scrumtulescent word! If it's not in the OED, it should be. So glad to have made your month, haha. Yeah, wasn't lying about the slow pace. I really don't know how to write any faster... I sit down, and this is just what comes out! I thought a little bit about skipping ahead, but that thought just confuses me so... we're stuck with the slowness. Hopefully the journey of discovery (sounds soooo afterschool special!) will be fun, though, until the eventual big reveal. Sorry about not including Anya in this last one; I'm thinking it'll be mostly just the girls for the next update or two. I'm glad you liked the "owned" line. Perhaps a cheesy line, but it seemed to apply. Yay... for... quivering? Thanks so much beanie, please enjoy the next update.

dorksrcool Haha, "holy shit there's an update to Neverland"—that's *exactly* what I said when i finished writing it! Will coincidences ever cease, hehe! And another higher being reference... I bet God is really burned out on people asking for winning lottery numbers and fic updates. I know I've put in a couple "can (insert fic writer's name here) please update! p.s. the Mega Lotto numbers would be nice, too!" That's pretty much how this story got started; nobody was updating so I decided to entertain myself with a story. (Though, I had no idea at the time that it would be such a monster long story; I think if you had told me two years ago that I'd still be working on this bad boy I would have laughed and then passed out, like the bald guy in Princess Bride. "A-ha-ha *thud*") No worries about the almost PMs; just know that I have little to no control over when I can write these days (sadly life is really busy between work, love life and family) so my reply probably would have been more of that same. : \ This story has always been: free time, write, read back for obvious spelling/grammar errors, post. I hope to keep going with that formula moving forward; especially, with lots more free time. (Cause I miss writing when I'm super busy, and I'd love to get posting frequently again.) So glad you liked those two lines! I liked the idea of a cubist hurricane lamp myself. I have no idea what that would look like, but I'm sure it would be funky. Thank you very much for the awesome feedback Amy, hope you like this next part!

Shandem Aww, happy birthday! Hope that you had a great one, and that you like the next update.

Reallybigpineapple Haha yeah, I feel really bad about that last, long delay. You're right, Tara is starting to smell the coffee, so to speak, and I completely agree - Anya's advice is easy to follow if you're not completely emotionally invested and vulnerable (which is pretty much how Tara sees her situation). Tara's eventually going to find some things to paint, though what she'll paint... well, can't give anything away. Hopefully you'll like the things she decides to paint, though. And AWESOME about Neko singing your shirt. That's so rad. I'm glad you had a great time and whoo-hoo to being upfront and fulfilled requests. She is an amazing, pint-sized lady. Did you like her stuff with The New Pornographers? Thanks so much Martina!

mole Aww, poor startled kitty cat; hopefully a good ear scratch reassured him/her that everything was a-okay. Thanks for the welcome back, it's definitely good to be back writing. I feel like a part of my brain that I forgot existed is back in business. Thanks very much re: capturing Tara's confusion; it's a hard update to do right after a long break, because it's so nazel-gazing, but I definitely needed to set the foundation that... a) Tara is frustrated and unable to paint and b) she is very preoccupied by Willow and unable to shelve that preoccupation. Those two things will be in play, I'm sure, for a few updates at least. I'm really, really pleased you liked the description of the painting process. I have had a really great time imagining the work, the compositions, etc. I can't paint worth a darn, so it's fun to imagine someone really skilled and how they'd go about creating their works of art. It would be very cool if Tara had a studio in Denver; would definitely be a reason for me to make it to the Mile High City! Yay for Dawn indeed; someone needed to just state the obvious. Thanks so much Michelle, and best of luck with that Organizational Behavior paper!

Thianne Thanks so much Vale, it felt great to update and I'm so glad you liked it. I, too, hope to see this story finished someday!

mudrat Yay for delurking! Welcome, welcome, so very glad to have you here. I hope you stick around, and check out some of the other stories on the board (which, it sounds like you've already done to some extent). Great writers here, all who I'm sure would love to hear from you. And another thanks to Chris for hosting this story over at Looking Glass; I swear, I am going to owe that hombre a mini-muffin basket when this thing is done! (Or at least, a very, very sincere thank you note.) Thank you very much for the very flattering compliment re: my writing. I'm so glad that it flows. And thank you also re: the characterizations. I try really hard to keep them as close as possible to who they were in canon, and it seems to work in this world I've plopped them into. I am so glad that you like this Xander; I agree with you completely that he is more than just a goofball, and I love the dynamic between him and Willow. I wished the show had shown more of that as they got older. I'm happy you liked Tara's thought process. You're so right—who here hasn't had those days where you couldn't concentrate for beans because of something going on in our personal lives. I'm so glad you thought it was easy to read. (I worried that it was too distracted.) I really hope to finish this fic, and no need to beg or bribe; I want to finish it, very much. I really enjoy writing it. Thanks so much, both for the kind words and for venturing out of lurkdom!

Kaia Hehe another God reference; big guy is busy! Thanks so much for the very kind words; I'm glad that you think the agonizingly slow pace is solid! Thanks so much Karinna - really hope you like this next update.

notl33t Dancing for a whole day! You must be so tired! Hehe, poor smoking hot Tara and Willow; I do believe that they will be smoking hot together, though, knowing San Francisco, it'll be in the fog. Thanks so much!

WillowRTaraM1 Haha that's a lot of exclamation points there. Extreme shock at finding an update - you know, I'm beginning to think that me updating can cure hiccups (you know, cause people yell Boo!... yeah, nevermind haha). I am very happy to hear that that you loved it! Poor Tara indeed. Complete and total confusion, but at least her brain is moving in the right direction (as you point out). You're very welcome, and I hope that you enjoy the next update.

caz No problem Caz - I really hope you're feeling better. Plenty of fluids and rest! Tara is more confused than ever by Willow, though I hope, her confusion is allowing her to see things in a new light. I think a bath is a great idea, though, hopefully you'll like what she does in this update instead. And Willow at Khalil's, huh... More on that very soon. Thanks so much for the very nice words, and please feel better soon!

pipsberg Hi. Thank you very much; indeed, it was a long time since my last update. I'm glad you thought the break didn't necessarily break the flow, and that the update seemed to fit. I'm glad that you liked Tara's preoccupation; it's hard, as we both know, to get anything done when you're distracted like that. I'm glad you liked Dawnie, and yeah, that 'in a perfect world/vaccuum' outburst would sound a little familiar. You're very right about Tara's need to talk about what's going on. I imagine she feels very alone. Buffy would be her first choice, as her best friend, but how does that work? Opening up to Dawn, even though very tentative, was a good start for her. Whether she follows up up on... we'll see. Progress, progress, you got it. I hope that the next batch of updates show slow progress in spades. Thanks! xoxo

skeeter451 Yay for happy days! (And that silly dancing pink elephant.) I'm so glad you loved Dawn; I was very happy to have a chance to include her. Yay for Dawn paying no mind to zee neo-cons! Thanks so much Susan, hope you enjoy the next update!

WillowRulez Real life can be a bitca (though, it can also be pretty great, if spent with the right person, which I've been lucky enough to do at least some of the time). I guess, I should clarify a bit and say that work is a bitca, but then, ain't it always. Tara is definitely thinking... and it seems like she's starting to think things that might lead her to figuring out Willow's gay. I think Tara painting Willow would be pretty neat, though I hope you like what she paints instead. When Tara realizes that Xander isn't the bad guy... I think the last three years are going to flash before her eyes haha. As for Willow seriously looking for a place... I'm not sure that she is. I think she's looking because she feels like she should, as living with Tara was originally going to be a short-term thing, and because her mom is pushing her to buy a place. Will they end up living together, after the inevitable? We'll see... Very glad you liked Dawn's take on things. Thanks so much!

Krokador Aw, thanks so much. I'm glad you liked how confused Tara was in this last update - I think everyone can relate to having been completely spun by a crush/loved one at least once. I'm glad you think the no-inspriation thing seems real, and I agree, I'd like to see them together too. Thanks again, and please enjoy the update.

spells42 I'm so happy that you're so happy about an update. Yay for us, hehe! I'm really glad you liked the reflective mood, and that the minutiae helped drive home the quiet of the apartment. I was hoping that would happen. Thank you, very much, re: bringing a scene to life. I like to see it as I write, you know? I'm very glad that you thought the conversation with Dawn was refreshing. I like Dawn, and her enthusiasm and self-deprecation are two of the things I like best about her. She's so cheery and astute, it's very fun to write. I think her mention of the variations of 'partner' actually will help Tara to some degree, if only to shed light on an alternate usage. Part of the reason I wanted Dawn to get into the whole 'partner/girlfriend' etc. was because I wanted to address how awkward some of the descriptors for gay couples are. Lover... too intimate. Partner... sometimes too clinical. Girlfriend, as you point out, can seem too young for some people. It doesn't seem like there is a 'perfect' word to use because there are so many hang ups about the words' literal definitions and connotations. I find that fascinating, especially as straight couples start to adopt 'PC' language like partner, significant other, etc. I wonder if that's an attempt to create a common language, or something else? As you might imagine, I'm a big word dork, so it's great to hear what others think about the subject. Yay for Dawn wishing luck with the straight girl. I agree with you, in hoping that Tara gets a break soon, if only so she can get her painting done. Thanks Anne!

Guppy Haha who was being sneaky? Isn't posting in the update thread the 'I just updated, please, stop by and read?" protocol? Yay for both the yelping and the happy dancing! I'm very glad too that RL got out of the way so I could write a little bit; it had been far too long, you know? I'm glad that you loved that the whole last chapter dealt with what's going on in Tara's head. I worried that it would be far too much introspection—especially after the long break between updates—but it really seemed to fit when I sat down to write and, it really sets her up for the next few updates. You're right that she's had a lot thrown at her in the last few days, and that Dawnie should help. Thank you very much re: the description; I try very hard to have the space figured out in my mind before I start writing so that I can help show what I see. Sometimes I feel more successful than others (I worry a lot of the time that I'm being too tedious with the descriptions), but I'm very glad you like them. Thanks so much; I hope this next update is *near* enough for you!

irishgrl3 Thanks so much Anna. I'm impressed (and grateful, shocked, moved) by the number of response too! (Shoot, I'm honestly honored that people even read this, much less take time to reply.) It's so awesome to have a dialogue with so many people about this story (and in other people's threads about their stories). Everybody's insights are so intelligent and just... awesome; they mean a lot to me and have made the experience of posting here so great. I'm sure other writers will agree. I'm very happy that you liked the last update, and that you liked Tara's preoccupied thoughts. It is a bummer that she can't paint; it has to be very frustrating for her, but hopefully it'll all work out for her. And I think you're right, atomic luuuurve bomb will light up the San Francisco skyline when these two stop beating around the... well, you know. Thanks again, and hope you have a great holiday too!

willowspiritus Yeah, the rollercoaster that is life let me off for a bit so I could write an update. Thank you for the very kind words. I'm glad you liked Dawn, and big blush on the character comment. As I said earlier, I like the core character of Dawn, and think there's a lot to work with there. Hopefully, Tara will mull her 'partner' observations over some. I think I agree with you about the new Tina Dico. Thanks!

I_love_Danish Yay! I'm glad that Dawn surprised you, especially if it was a good way. You're absolutely right, she did give Tara more to think about—now let's hope that doesn't cause Tara's head to blow up. Very funny about your reactions to updates (they are surprisingly similar to mine, haha), and definitely, Neverland: Endurance Foreplay. Thanks so much, enjoy the next bit!

barnabasvamp Thanks so much BV, it's great to be back.

LesbianJedi87 Haha, not offended at all Rose. I would have stopped reading this story too if I was in your shoes, I mean, come on five months, what is this, the Olympics (wait... what?)? Yeah, yeah, next year, har har har. Would you settle for right now instead? Thanks so much - I hope you like this next one!

JustSkipIt Yay for Real Life indeed (at least, the parts that I get to spend with my girlfriend; the work parts can go to hell, haha). Absolutely no worries about part 41, though I do want to see that mouse, haha (I'm imagining an immobile fuzzball with a big huge keyboard shaped gut). I'm just glad to hear that you read it and liked it. As for replies, you know, they never really compete with writing time; such different animals, I usually write replies when watching a baseball game or something (a.k.a. a time I wouldn't be writing anyway). Different part of the brain, I guess. You're so right, Anya makes Willow uneasy. I think that was part of their relationship on the show, and I wanted to continue that here. I'm glad that you liked that the girls are trying to figure out their conversations, Tara especially. She is starting to ask the good questions... now, will she come up with the good answers, haha. Thank you so much re: Anya. She's a blast; I tried to just keep remembering exasperated S5 Magic Box shopgirl-Anya when I was writing. (I too really liked Anya accusing Willow of molesting the mechanical pencils; something about that just cracks me up.) Tara's line about Willow saying she's gay; a set up indeed. More on that later (a few updates away, but definitely upcoming). I'm glad you liked Willow's reaction to Good Vibrations, and of course, Willow giving Buffy a vibrator. Easily one of my favorites S6 moments.
Part 42 was a bit of a departure. You're so right, I really wanted to highlight how alone Tara was, and how big that apartment is without Willow, even if Willow was a huge part of that update. I'm very glad that the potential-loneliness came through. Tara is starting to ask the right questions, even if it's very tentative. Very glad you like that she called Buffy, even if it didn't quite work out. I imagine that if Tara had asked that same question of Buffy, Buffy's reply would have been 'who is the straight person', and that Buffy wouldn't have let that go. I definitely hope for them to have more time together, if only by phone, before Willow comes out. Yay for Dawn and her fervent reaction. As I told spells42, I really wanted to include Dawn's take on the 'partner' word because of the aside you mention. What is the correct word to use for gay couples, and what is the deal with straight folks calling their girlfriends/wives, partners/significant others? It seems like we're undergoing a shift in what those words mean, culturally, and I'm always interested in hearing what people think about the terms and what they mean to them. I know that this idea of what those words mean will be something I want to touch on again before the fic is done. To digress as well, yay for Dawn, indeed. Next update... Willow, yes, though not solely on Willow. Hope you enjoy it just the same, and thanks so much Debra.

The_Lord_J You know, I think a lot of people were giving up hope on this fic being updated, and I can't blame them one bit (five months is a long time). To everyone who keeps reading, despite the long delay between updates sometimes, despite the slow pace... thank you, very much. Tara is on the way to figuring... something out, hehe. As for Willow, she has a lot to deal with, from Tara to her mom to Buffy... she's in for a crazy few days, for sure. Thank you, very much for the very kind words and please know that if I could update every day I certainly would! Thanks!

leipreachan11 Um... er... various sounds of hesitation. Well, they won't be getting relief, per se, unless of course, "relief" means spending more non-kissing time together. Hopefully you'll enjoy that time, all the same. Thanks!

terra21 Stupid wireless Internet - you know, mine has been going out a lot lately too. It's a damn conspiracy! Thank you very, very much for the super duper kind words. I love the description of the story being like an old friend; I feel that way, a lot and I am so glad that you see it that way too. So, so awesome (and quite possibly one of the more flattering things I've ever heard). Heart wrenching and gut punching - you got it, though, hopefully there is a little redemption in how close their getting as friends mixed in and amongst. Tara's inner monologue about 'their home'... I can see how it would be pitiful. She wants so much, but is so afraid. It is an awful rock and hard place to be. I'm glad that you thought the Willow-inspired distraction rang true, and yay for funny Dawn. I'm glad that I can inspire emotion, in a sterile, non-stalker-inducing way. I'm really glad that Neverland could provide some comfort while you're on the road. I know it's not a fun place to be, and anything that can help is usually great. It was indeed two years ago... and I can't believe it's still not done! Though, I'm glad it not being done is helping life on the road. Thanks so much T, very much appreciated.

wimpy0729 Thanks so much Wimpy; I'm really glad you liked the little trip into Tara's very preoccupied mind! I think that Tara did get some insight via Dawn, though how much she trusts the conclusions she draws from this insight remains to be seen. Conclusion clearing up; I admit, that would be nice. Thanks so much! And please enjoy the next bit.

SallyMcFine Thanks so much - I'm glad that you're enjoying the pace. As I've said earlier, I really couldn't rush it if I tried. Seems like if I leave things out, the story stops making sense, and when it stops making sense... well what's the point, right? Tara really is close to putting it together... she has just about all of the information that she'd need to make some assumptions, but assumptions aren't reality for her, you know? I think your thought that she's afraid of being wrong and right is spot on. More on that in a few updates. Dawn - she can just jump right in, can't she? She has no baggage, no wrong assumptions, she can just take the information given and run with it. I'm glad you like this Dawn. When I picture her in college, I picture her being a social nerd; smart and informed but not locked away in her room with books. I'm glad you found her full of life; I think that bouncy attitude of hers is infectious, and I tried to write her as I would if she had been sitting in the same room. Thanks again, and hope you like the next update!

Willow~Rosenberg Thank you very much, for both the kind words and well wishes. No worries about lack of feedback; I certainly get what it's like when you're brain is a little on the mushy side—thinking in any capacity, much less to leave fb seems impossible! (But hey, by 'after' that means you're done with the tough semester, right? Whoo-hoo!) Tara is close to figuring it out; the clues are nagging at her, and now it's really just up to her to decide what she wants to do with the clues. Does she want to figure it out, and all that that could bring, or does she want to just push it aside because she's afraid. Quite the conundrum. Glad you liked Tara calling Buffy. And Dawn - I love Dawn, and wanted to have her show at least once. She has a sort of no-floodgates innocence sometimes that can be refreshing. Hopefully you'll like how this plays out; I think Willow is going to become increasingly nervous about telling people (see update), but as you mentioned, this is the Kitten and we all know that in the end, it's guaranteed Willow and Tara lovin'. Thanks so much, and you take care too (hope you get in a lot of relaxing now that the semester from hell is over!).

TuesdayStar Yup, that's the cubist hurricane lamp! Wow to posting the pic; that's definitely The Folsom Lantern. Quite a funky little building, very shiny in the sunlight. Thanks so much for posting the pic - those are the exact sort of condos that Willow was looking at in SF's SOMA district with her Uncle Roger that Saturday. Wow, again.

watty Reflective Tara indeed. The realization is almost there... She's definitely close, but seemingly afraid of the conclusions. Whether she has a lightening bolt, "oh my god, Willow loves me" moment or just pushes all of the fears to the side and let's thing grow without over-thinking seems to be where she is at (at least, in this update and beyond). I think re: the brochures, it's a reminder to Tara that Willow living with her was supposed to be a short-term arrangement, and that realistically the girl could move out whenever she feels like it. She could put in a bid, get a condo and be gone in a very short time, and Tara's pretty conflicted about that. She's grown used to Willow, and even though the girl drives her nuts, and she's wanted her gone on more than one occasion, she ultimately realizes just how lonely she'll be if Willow moves. I think that's a sobering realization for her, as she recognizes that they're growing closer. I'm glad you found the painters-block to be realistic. Her priority is to paint, and get her work done. Her mind's priority, is to figure Willow out. Not fun at all. You're right about Buffy - the woman is about to get swamped on all sides. She will definitely play a part in future events, and I'm sure she'll wish she had had more information when all's said and done. I think out of everyone she knows the absolute least. That has to suck, especially when she's looking back on things, 20/20. I'm glad you liked Dawn; I like her energy, and thought she'd be a good shock to Tara's system. Thanks very much for the free pass. I second your hope that RL gets more manageable, and thanks so much for the valuable feedback. Very much appreciated.

[EasierSaid]

Title: Neverland
Author: EasierSaid
Feedback: Yes, please.
Spoilers: None.
Setting: AU. There is no Hellmouth, there is no slayer and no magic of the wicca variety. Just our girls and the rest of the Buffy characters living and loving in that great city by the bay, San Francisco.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me Mutant Enemy.
Notes: Art history, pudding and a very nice gesture.

Thoughts in italics

PART 43

Well, Tara thought, if I can't create my own art, I'll look at other's. The blonde placed a steaming cup of tea onto the coffee table and then flopped down onto her couch, leaning back into the cushions and sinking into the fluff. She hugged an oversized book to her chest, and put her sock covered feet onto the table, careful to not disturb the tea. She covered her legs with a multicolor throw, then leaned forward and pulled the tea cup to her side.

She had given up trying to paint, or do anything even remotely productive in her studio, because her brain had apparently scheduled 'thinking about Willow' for the afternooon. It was like watching one of those obnoxious 24 hour news channels where the screen was so cluttered with disparete information that it was hard to concentrate on the main image. Willow ticker along the bottom, Xander stock prices in the upper left corner, the Buffy/Willow's mom infographic underneath the picture-in-picture of Morgan's smiling face. And don't forget the "breaking news" banner featuring Dawn's floating head... How could she concentrate with all of that tumbling around in her brain?

She had tried, leafing through her notebook as she ate a bowl of soup for lunch, but nothing grabbed her; nothing stuck. She was, as she was hours earlier, absolutely bereft of inspiration. Tara sighed, and shifted her head into a more comfortable position before she placed the large book onto her lap. History of Modern Art. She smiled at the sparse black lettering on the cream-white book jacket. She loved this musty, heafty tome. First, because it had been her first art history book, and second, because it had belonged to her mother.

Her mother had bought it from the San Francisco Museum of Art (now known simply as SF MOMA) during a family trip to the city by the Bay in the '60s. Tara's mom had been just a teenager, and it had been a little less than a year before she had met Tara's father, before the woman would abandon any dream of attending college, or art school, for the young love of her life. The book, at the time, was cutting edge, featuring the best there was in the diverse world of modern art to-date. Now, it was horribly anachronistic. Indeed, Tara couldn't help but snicker every time she saw the write up of the Sydney Opera House, "due to be completed in 1972." Even with the time warp, however, the blonde loved the book all the same.

By melding the best in "modern" painting, sculpture and architecture, the book had provided more than enough inspiration to the budding, then professional, artist over the years. She remembered with a tender smile the first time her mother let her look at the book, how she had sat on her mom's lap at the kitchen table and listened as the older woman described the paintings, sculpture and architecture profiled in the book. Why Manet used the colors he did, why something that looked like a mass of melted metal was beautiful, and why some otherwise non-descript apartment buildings in Spain could be considered art. Tara had been instantly enthralled. The book, and its contents, had in one short sitting changed the way the young blonde had seen the world forever.

From that time on, everything was art. The rusty weather vane atop the office building out back, the gray whiskers on her father's face at the end of the day... Even the striped wallpaper in her bedroom, peeling in places and slightly faded from age. Tara saw beauty, saw the building blocks for art everywhere, and she cherished the book that sparked it all as much as she cherished the time she had spent looking through it as a youth.

Tara often wondered how different her life would have been if her first exposure to art had been of the more traditional variety (say, a book of paintings from the Renaissance). What if she didn't even know work like Picasso's existed until she was much older? Would she have been as inspired? Would DaVinci have moved her as much as Braque? Tara genuinely wondered. Classic art seemed so specific; there was a defined sense of beauty, subjects were recycled at an alarming rate and instead of innovating, many artists seemed to spend their entire careers trying to recreate other's styles, only better. Would she have been inspired by the brush strokes, or the allegories? Tara didn't know. However, she suspected that she'd be a far different person. Modern art, with its ever-evolving spectrum, allowed her so much freedom. She couldn't imagine being bold enough to pursue her dream of being a professional artist if that freedom was no longer present, or if it had been introduced as she entered adulthood in university. Modern art had been the prism through which this otherwise shy girl had seen the world since she was seven years old.

Tara was loathe to admit it, but she had barely passed her Anatomy art course in college, her inability to accurately paint the human form, and particularly, human faces, a terrible embarrassment to her. I couldn't paint a person if my life depended on it... Tara thought as she traced her finger along the edge of the well worn tome in her lap. But she could paint emotion. She could paint what it felt like to look at a beautiful stained glass window, if not the window itself, and that was enough for her.

Tara propped her knees up, and randomly opened the book before her. Rodin. It was *always* Rodin, the blonde thought as she shook her head, an amused grin gracing her lips. She had a fondness for Rodin, even though she typically didn't like realistic sculptures (instead preferring the more fluid, molten work of Boccioni and her friend Jay). Perhaps it was all the time spent looking at Rodin's work at the Legion of Honor museum during college, or perhaps it was just because it was so evocative and powerful; classic yet modern simultaneously. She traced her finger over the sculpture in the black and white photograph featured high on the page, and wondered how someone acquired the skill to create something so perfect.

She flipped the book's pages, giving every image on each page a moment of her time. The majority of the paintings, sculptures and archetecture presented were shown in black and white photographs, a deficiency that she had not fully appreciated until her freshman year in high school, when she actually seen Franz Marc's work on a computer screen in the school library. It had shocked her how bright it was, how the color added another dimension to the already complex work. She had of course known that the black and white images presented in the book were not color-accurate, however seeing the correct colors had been shocking nonetheless. It had given her imagination another game to play when she looked through the book in college, as she imagined what color the artist actually used before comparing the black and white images with the more accurate representations in other books and on the web. The game had expanded her idea of how color could be used, and helped develop her own ideas of how color should be used.

Tara took her time leafing through the book, the rain pitter-pating against the glass to her left, her tea cup slowly being drained as she took increasingly cooler pulls from the fine mug. She looked at the work displayed before her intently, her fingers holding the pages gently. She poured over the color, the compostion, the meaning and the metaphor. She wondered how she could create anything new while at the same time feeling pride that she had in the past been inspired to do so. It was so amazing, getting a glimpse at all of these artist's inner thoughts. Art, she thought, was a snapshot of a world inside. She couldn't help but be impressed.

She took a final sip of her tea, and was surprised by how cold it had become; so unaware had she been of how much time had passed. She looked out the window, and noticed with some surprise that the street lamps had turned on. Once again, she had lost hours inside that book.

Tara leaned back into the couch, her neck cradled in the comfy cushion and her eyes caught the painting hanging proudly on the wall across from her, just over the fireplace. Her pride and joy, the one thing she'd never part with. She let her eyes wander over the paint for what felt like the thousandth time, again admiring the layered paint's effect, and again wondering how she had ever created anything so beautiful. She thought about how it had felt to create the work, the bristles of the brush scraping against the coarse canvas; the brushes initially smooth, soundless in daubs of paint, before giving way to a textured rasp as the paint stayed behind on the surface and the bristles grated against the canvas's grooves. She once again imagined each brush bristle dipping into each curve on the canvas surface, and then the layers of paint, her brush rising and falling over valleys like a rollarcoaster until the surface was covered and slick. She remembered so acutely what if felt like to paint that painting, as if it had happened yesterday instead of three years earlier. Remembered how visceral and consuming its creation was. How the painting had almost suffocated and freed her at the same time. It was... everything.

The blonde cocked her head slightly to the side, and squinted her eyes, suddenly feeling the painting mocking her, challenging her to ever create anything as great again. The blonde sighed and sat upright, moving the large art book to the coffee table, in no mood to be drawn into a fight with a piece of art, yet too prideful to look away. She stared, long and hard, before eventually frowning and looking away. And the painting wins again... She stood, and headed to the kitchen carrying the empty tea cup at her side, sticking her tongue out at the work as she walked away.

****************************************

Willow jumped into her car, slamming the door behind her, quick to escape the fat drops falling from the sky. She turned the car over and immediately turned on the heat, rubbing her hands together furiously to get warm, shivering dramatically, if for no other reason than that she thought that she should. What is it about boys? She thought, as blood flow began to return to her blue fingers. Would it kill them to turn on the heat every now and again?

Despite the near-freezing temperature in Khalil's modest two-bedroom apartment in the Panhandle, Willow had had a surprisingly good time. The two had indulged in a Bar-B-Que lunch from Memphis Minnie's before heading back to his place to mix work with some illegal music transfers from their respective iPods. Willow liked Khalil. She liked his easy smile and very intelligent mind. He was one of only a handful of people that should could talk with as easily about advanced number theory as music, and it pleased her greatly that he seemed to like her too. It was nice having friends, especially after the first few lonely months in the city. San Francisco, it seemed, was finally beginning to feel like home.

After a long moment spent enjoying the newly-generated warmth, the redhead fastened her seatbelt, turned on the lights and backed out into the road. With a splash of the tires, and a quick look around to get oriented in the dark, she started on her way home.

Home... Willow wondered what Tara had gotten up to for the remainder of the afternoon and early evening, hoping beyond hope that the blonde artist had managed to take advantage of the alone time to paint. The redhead was beginning to sense that Tara was more stressed than she was letting on about her lack of production for the show, and that nothing could cure that feeling other than completing a few paintings. Hope she was busy... Willow thought, pulling up to a red light.

The girl tapped her fingers on the steering wheel, and thought about firing up her iPod, filled now with 30GBs of Khalil's music. Instead, however, she picked up her phone and dialed. After a couple of rings, a woman answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, mom," Willow said, a small smile gracing her lips. It had been a few days since she had checked in with anything more than an email or IM.

"Willow, what a surprise," Shelia replied, obvious joy at hearing her daugher's voice apparent. "You don't usually call this late."

"Is it too late?" The redhead immediately asked, as she tried to quickly figure out the time zone differential.

"No, of course not," came the relaxed reply. "I was just watching Jay Leno. What are you up to?"

"Nothing," Willow answered, waiting for a car to pass before turning left. "Hey, did you know Sylvester Stallone has a line of pudding?" The redhead asked, her voice full of wonder. "Chocolate, vanilla, all very high-protein, low-cal; it's like he's a muscular Bill Cosby. Khalil's roommate Dave had a few cases. He kept trying to get me to taste some this afternoon while I was over working at Khaili's but I couldn't bring myself to try it. It was just too weird, I mean, it's Sylvester Stallone. Not screaming 'I know what's what with pudding,' you know?"

"Dave?" Shelia asked, and Willow immediately recognized the tone, that curious, leading tone, and the redhead instantly regretted mentioning Khalil's roommate by name. "And what does Dave do?"

"He's in pharmaceutical sales," Willow warily answered. She *never* stops...

"And he's nice?"

The redhead forcefully gripped the steering wheel, anger bubbling up inside her. "He's okay," she replied as politely as possible, her face hot. "We only talked for a minute. Seemed to be one of those guys who knows he's funny and good-looking though, you know?"

"You could do worse than funny and good looking, Willow..." Willow rolled her eyes. "Does he have a girlfriend?"

The redhead exhaled loudly and answered, her voice flat. "I don't know, I didn't ask during the two minutes he tried to goad me into eating Rambo pudding."

"Sounds like he was--"

"He's not my type," Willow quickly interjected when it appeared her mother wasn't going to stop, unwilling to let the older woman not-so-subtely continue with her nosy prodding.

"Not your type, what is your type?" Shelia asked, mildly exasperated by Willow's evasive behavior. "I know, I know," she quickly amended, hearing the hitch in Willow's breath and eager to avoid a familiar argument. "I just want you to start the next step in your life. I worry about you, out there all alone-"

"I'm not alone," Willow argued, her stomach twisted. "I have Buffy, and--"

"I just wonder when you're going to meet your husband," Shelia calmly explained. "When you're going to get started--"

"I am started," the redhead answered, in the same offended tone she had used every other time they had had the exact same conversation.

"All you do is work," her mother rationally countered. "You never leave the house, never mention men, I just--"

"I do so leave the house," the redhead hotly retorted. "I left the house this morning. I left and haven't even been back. A-And I mention men! Mentioned Dave and Khalil, mention Xander all the time!"

"You know what I mean," Shelia stated in her most maternally stern voice. "I'm just concerned, Willow," she continued. "Your father and I just think you'll be happier once you have someone in your life."

"I have plenty of someones," the redhead grumbled. There was an uncomfortable silence on the line as the two headstrong women waited each other out, Shelia eventually capitulating.

"I'm sorry I brought it up," the older woman said, her voice a mixture of sincerity and the knowledge that what she had just said wasn't wrong. "I just love you."

"I know," Willow concedingly grumbled, regreting having to have this uncomfortable discussion with her mother on a semi-regular basis.

"I just want you to be happy."

"Me too," the redhead answered, her throat tight. She couldn't help but wonder if her mother's sentiment would be the same after Saturday. If her mom would care one way or the other about whether she was happy once she said the words, 'I'm gay.' "How's dad?" The redhead asked, changing the subject to what she hoped would be neutral ground.

"Oh he's fine," her mother said. "He's finishing up a paper for review, and starting to rumble about missing out on all of the 'fun' we're going to have in San Francisco."

"Rumble?" Willow asked, her brow immediately furrowing.

"He was thinking he'd fly out with me and spend the weekend with you and Roger while I'm at my conference in Seattle," Shelia non-chalantly explained.

"What?" Willow immediately blurted, before attempting to recover. "I mean, he's not going to though, right? Not that he couldn't, of course he could, if he wanted to, it's okay if he's going to, I mean, seeing Roger would be, nice, and--"

"No, no, no," Shelia interrupted. "The ticket prices at this point would be ridiculous and he has too much work to do here to run away for the weekend."

"Oh," Willow replied, slightly ashamed at her reaction but relieved all the same. "Well, hopefully he has a good weekend anyway..."

"Now, listen Willow," the elder Rosenberg started, oblivious to the relief in her daughter's voice. "I've booked a room at the Marriott Hotel on Fourth Street, do you know where that is?"

"Yes, it's near the Metreon," Willow reflexively replied.

"And you can get there from your home?"

"Uh huh," the younger Rosenberg replied, turning right and slowing to a stop behind a double-parked car. "But mom, I can pick you up at the airpor--"

"Nonsense, there's no need. I'll take a cab," Shelia instructed. "Just meet me at the hotel at 6 and we'll go from there. Maybe you can do your computer thing and see if there are any good restaurants within walking distance."

"Okay," Willow replied, checking her mirrors before turning the wheel agressively to ease around the hazzard-flashing Jetta.

"I'm really looking forward to seeing you, even if it is only for a short while."

"Me too," the redhead replied guiltily, as she eased back into the lane. She doesn't know what's coming...

"It's getting late for me--"

"Yeah," Willow said with an unseen head bob. "I should go too, driving, raining; not a good combination."

"Alright then," Shelia said. "Call me if you need anything, otherwise I will see you on Friday."

"Okay," Willow said, numbed slightly by the reminder of the impending visit. "Bye." The redhead hung up, and her shoulders immediately sunk.

Dad.

For the sixty-millionth time since she decided to tell her mother that she was gay this weekend, Willow felt guilty about the fact that doing so would severely exclude her dad. That she couldn't fathom the thought of coming out to both of her parents at the same time bothered her immensely, however, it was a reality that she felt she was stuck with. It was stressful enough to think about telling her mother—Willow felt that she already *knew* what that unfavorable, irrational reaction would likely be—but her father... she had absolutely no idea about how he would react, and that wild card scared her. Would he be a help with Shelia, or a hindrance? Would he be angry, or understanding? Willow didn't know, and she didn't want to find out, not in addition to having to deal with her mother.

It wasn't that she never intended to, or thought about, telling her dad that she was gay. She did, and soon, although her plan for as long as she could remember was always to tell her mom first, get a sense from her about how her dad would react and then plan on telling him from there. She knew her father was a liberal intellectual who, to Willow's knowledge, had at least two gay friends—his friend Craig, one, being a frequent poker pal. However, Willow knew that that didn't mean he'd take kindly to the news that his only daughter, his only child, was gay. (After all, Shelia certainly hadn't in the few times Willow had 'hypothetically' come out in the past.) But how best to approach her father with this very personal news, when he had, up until now, taken zero interest in her personal life?

Willow had never, not once in her young life ever, talked to her father about her love life. Not while she was dating Oz, not even after they had broken up. Her father seemed to take no notice of that facet of Willow's existence. Sure, he was kind to Oz when the musician was over for dinner, and her father always referred to Oz as Willow's boyfriend the two or three times it came up during introductions at family functions, but never, ever, had the two most similar Rosenbergs ever had a discussion about Willow's personal life. The redhead wondered if the idea of her having a personal life made her father uncomfortable, or if he just didn't think it was any of his business; that she was an adult, and her affairs were her own. She knew he cared, or, at least, it was intimated that he cared through her mother's many and varied mentions of her and Ira's concern over Willow's lack of dating, however, Willow had never heard word one from the man himself.

She naturally hoped he'd respond well to her news, though she had no reason for such hopes. She had tried to discuss the issue with him in the past, bringing up gay issues as she had done with her mother, only to find her father a less willing conversational partner. "What business is it of mine what people do?" he'd ask rhetorically, effectively ending the discussion, or, if asked a policy question like 'what do you think about gay marriage,' take the far left party line. Not once would he engage beyond stating his opinion once, not once would he let Willow egg him into hypothetical discussions. He never seemed uncomfortable around Craig, though he never seemed at ease, either. He was a difficult man to read, and though Willow felt that they had a good relationship, that they shared a close father-daughter bond, she had no idea about how to go about telling him who she really was. Computers, they could talk about... but this? A small part of her, though she would never admit it, even wished that she'd never have to; that Shelia would do the telling, and that Willow would only have to deal with the fallout.

Perhaps her plan of attack, coming out to her mom and mom alone first, was cowardly; Willow had long ago decided it was unfair, however, the simple fact was that she was closest to her mother, and feared her mother's opinion and reaction too much to risk having her voice, her painstakingly crafted argument about why it was okay that she was gay, stifled by a third party in the room. Willow was terrified about having too many cooks in the kitchen, her rational father taking over the discussion so that Willow couldn't speak to her mother's fears, or worse, that her two parents would team up on her and talk over her (as her mother had single-handedly attempted to do in the past).

The two elder Rosenbergs were intimidating when together—both very intelligent and very rational, and the two could condescend with the best of them. Willow knew if they decided to tell her she couldn't possibly be gay because she was too inexperienced with men to know, she'd have a hard time arguing back. Not because they were right, of course, of course she was gay regardless of her experience with men, but, they were her parents, and she respected them, and as a dutiful daughter she'd be loathe to disagree with them to the point of breaking their hearts. She didn't want to disappoint them.

Dutiful daughter, Willow internally mumbled. Try perfect daughter... She did everything for them. She had been a model child, with above average grades, good manners and a near spotless record of behavior (because realistically, it was *always* Buffy or Xander's fault when you got right down to it). She had gone to a top-flight university away from her family and friends at their urging, and had became a successful computer programer, partially, in order to make them proud. She had never side-stepped and yet here she was, about to take the biggest side-step imaginable. Willow took a deep breath, the fear tingling her skin. Coming out, she wryly joked, was harder than cooking the perfect souffle.

The guilt was the worst part of coming out so far, by far. She felt guilty about not telling her father that she was gay at the same time as she told her mother, felt guilty for popping their 'perfect daughter' bubble, for being a different person than the one they thought they raised. For disappointing them. She felt ashamed, and then affronted by her feeling of shame. After all, she wasn't telling them that she was a murderer, or some sort of crazy crackhead, she was admitting who she was, who she had always been and who she needed to be to be happy going forward. Why did she feel guilty about her parents knowing that? She wasn't a bad person, she was a good person, she was a loving, kind person and why did she feel so guilty about wanting to live life as a gay woman out in the open?

She had lived the life of a model daughter, done everything to make her parents proud, yet for some, inexplicable reason, she felt guilty for doing things her way for once, for coming out in a way that made sense to her, for putting her feelings and her needs ahead of her parents. She was taking care of herself and she felt... guilty? The redhead exhaled. Between the stress and the guilt it was a wonder she didn't have ulcers.

She thought about her gay friends. Well, gay friend, if you excluded Tara. Bryan's coming out had been traumatic. His father kicked him out of the house at age 16, and cut him off financially, his mother only contacting him only sporadicaly for the next year or two. His parents eventually divorced, Bryan suspecting the strain of his mother nagging his father to at least talk to him played a part, and here, years later, he still had zero contact with his dad. Willow wondered how much fear that story had instilled in her as she was first discovering her true feelings, her true self. She couldn't imagine life without her parents. Didn't, want to imagine life without them. True, they might not have been around for every moment of her young life, but they had always been supportive when it counted. She loved her family, sought their approval at every turn and to think of them rejecting her... Willow swallowed hard. She saw what it was like when you were on your own, how it was for Bryan, how it was for Xander (though he still attempted to make nice with his parents, despite their continued problems with alcoholism). Willow didn't want to be alone. Fear of being alone had, after all, kept her quiet up until now.

After a long moment, Willow thought about the upcoming weekend, about the discussion she was about to embark on, and renewed her resolve to proceed as planned. Her coming out, Shelia opening her eyes to the truth, once and for all, needed to be one-on-one. Willow needed to have the opportunity to reassure her mother, to answer her mother's questions and if necessary, challenge her mother's beliefs. Telling her dad... she'd just have to cross that bridge when she came to it.

The redhead pulled into the driveway of her home, and cut the engine, turning the switch for the lights off as she did so. She leaned back onto the seat, and then dialed her phone, noticing that the lights in her apartment's great room and Tara's studio were on. A shadow was thrown against a wall in the studio, and Willow smiled slightly. Tara.

Xander's smooth, cheery voice answered after the second ring. "Willster, how you doing?"

"Did you know that Sylvester Stallone has a line of pudding?" The redhead asked, slipping her fears about her parents possible rejection of her into a distant corner of her mind.

"Nooo," came the intrigued reply. "Did you know Steven Segal has an energy drink?"

"No," Willow answered, her face contorting in disgust at the thought. "What's in it?"

"Tibetan Goji berry juice, some vitamins, and I think, rusty pennies."

"That's disgusting," the redhead said, stress rolling off of her as she engaged in the silly discussion.

"It is," the dark-haired man allowed. "But can you imagine how many ninjas and steroid-enhanced Soviet boxers you could take out if you paired the pudding with the drink?" The man asked, the excitement in his voice palpable. "You'd be unstoppable!"

Willow giggled, and thanked the stars above that she was lucky enough to have a friend like Xander.

****************************************

The redhead opened the door and smiled slightly as the apartment's warmth reached out and greeted her, soothing her rosy cheeks. Now this, Willow thought, with pride, is how an apartment should feel. The redhead freed her keys from the lock and quietly shut the door behind her, dropping the umbrellas cradled in her arms with a muffled thud to the pile of shoes to her left. She sighed lightly and turned, leaning her tired frame into the door. Home. The sense of happiness at knowing she was at her last stop of the evening was exactly how it should always feel to come home.

The short conversation with Xander in the car had reassured and relaxed her, enough so that her previous thoughts about her mom and dad were well-tucked away. The redhead reached up and wiped her brow, then smoothed down her hair before slipping her keys into her left jacket pocket. The rain outside was intermittent but persistent, and the combination had peppered the girl with giant drops of moisture as she maneuvered from the garage to the street entrance to her home. She smoothed her hands across her face again, and then brushed her moist palms against her thighs.

The girl flattened her back against the door and listened. The sound of soft rain tapping against the large windows across the open space echoed throughout the large room, and a semi-repetitive 'scritch-scritch' scratch came from Tara's studio, adding a rhythmic element to the already percussive, natural sound. The redhead melted a little, and appreciated both the sound of the rain against the glass, and the brush against the faraway canvas. It was one of the most soothing combinations of sounds she'd ever heard in her life, and as she soaked in the noise, she ran her fingers along the edge of the envelope in her right pocket. A small smile crept onto her face and she let herself relax further as she heard Tara start to softly hum from afar. Heaven.

After a long moment, Willow turned her head and noticed, to some surprise, two large envelopes resting awkwardly in her mail box on the secretary table. She leaned forward at the waist, loathe to leave the door, and picked the two envelopes up. She leaned back into the flat surface and her brow quirked as she looked at the return addresses on each envelope. Huh, the redhead thought, flipping one, and then the other, over. Applications... had she asked for applications? The girl let out a silent puff of air. Maybe she had... her mind had been in such a fog that day, thoughts of her crying at the party in front of Tara burning the insides of her eyelids and ringing in her ears as the realtor showed her and Roger each site. Who knows what happened that day, the redhead admitted, with a soft shake of her head. For all I know I put in a bid...

"I've been lonely..."

Willow looked up, her eyebrows shooting to her hairline as the quiet, melodic singing echoed into the room. "I've been waiting for you..." The redhead's eyes turned large as saucers, and she warily looked around the room. Was the blonde watching her? Teasing her for standing against the door listening to the rain and brush strokes? "I'm pretending, and that's all I can do..." A small smile quirked Willow's lips and the wariness melted away. The singing was coming from the blonde's studio, echoing slightly as it made its way down the hallway and out to the redhead's attentive ears at the door. Tara was singing to herself, and Willow couldn't think of any sound that could make her happier. "The love I'm sending, ain't making it through to your heart..."

Willow lightly pushed off the door, clutching the two large envelopes to her chest as she stood tall, careful not to make too much noise as Tara continued to sing. "You've been hiding, never letting it show... Always trying, to keep it under control..." Should I make a bunch of noise, let her know that I'm home? Or... or... the redhead eased out of one shoe, than another, as the blonde made her way, steadily, to the chorus. Maybe I can just listen for a minute...

"What about love..." A smile erupted on Willow's face as she finally recognized the song. "Don't you want someone to care about you..." The redhead didn't know why, but the fact that the blonde was singing *this* song really tickled her heart. She took a near-silent step forward, and then another, the mischevious part of her pushing her to try and sneak a quick peak at the blonde down the hallway. If the door is open, I can catch a quick glimpse, and then, maybe, heavy-foot it a bit, let her know I'm home without letting her know I was eavesdropping, maybe even say hi... She wouldn't do anything to startle Tara, and nothing to embarrass her. She just, wanted to see the girl sing for a moment, to have the memory of her singing this song imprinted on her brain.

Willow took the corner around the kitchen counter, and made her way to the start of the hallway. She arched her neck to the right and saw a sliver of the blonde standing before what looked like a blank canvas in the middle of the room. The artist seemed relaxed, her hair up in a loose bun, and Willow wondered as she took another step forward if the girl had spent the afternoon singing to herself, happy to have an empty apartment with which to indulge her guilty pleasure. "I can't tell you... What you're feeling inside, and I can't sell you, what you don't want to buy--"

It was at that moment that the still moist, and slightly shredded, bottom of The Folsom Lantern envelope decided to give; at once, the apartment was filled with the noise of just over a pound of papers, cards and a very nice ballpoint pen spilling to the hardwood floor with a thunderous crash. Both girls jumped; Tara in shock, Willow in mortification. The contrite redhead immediately dropped to a knee, quickly scooping up the offending materials just feet from the studio's slightly open door. Tara stared for a long moment before her lips finally moved. "Willow?" The girl asked, her wide eyes blinking like an owl, her mind too overloaded to think of anything else to say as her heart raced wildly with fright.

"Hi," the redhead sheepishly replied, her nimble fingers quickly arranging the papers into a somewhat manageable pile, her face crimson red. Stupid, stupid stalker person! "Hey," she added, unable to think of anything remotely coherent as she struggled to stand, her arms filled with bent and disorganized papers. She puffed an errant lock out of red hair out of her eyes, and winced as she awaited the blonde's reaction. When none was forthcoming, she lamely said, "sorry."

"How long have you been out there?" Tara asked, her heart still beating fast. She self-consciously adjusted the hemline of her shirt, and ran a hand over her neck, as bright red with embarassment as the nose on her face. She had been sure she had been alone when she began to sing; first a soft hum, then a slightly more confident mumble. Did she hear me singing? Did she recognize, what, I was singing?

"Not long," the redhead replied, eager to make the rigid and obviously-embarassed blonde feel more comfortable, and to assuage her own guilt at being caught sneaking a peak. "I'm sorry, really, so sorry; I just, you were singing and I didn't want to interrupt and I just..." Willow trailed off. "I like Heart, too."

Tara's blush went super nova, and she nodded, her eyes dropping to the floor. Oh my god... "I um, I h-had a b-babysitter, a w-woman who used to w-watch me after school... she loved them." She stuttered awkwardly, embarrassed by her song selection and Willow's sweet attempt to try and make her feel better about it. "S-Sometimes the songs come back to me." She paused again, and after shuffling her feet, sheepishly met Willow's gaze. "Hard not to sing."

"I get that," Willow said with a reassuring nod. I'm so, so sorry. "I think it's cool."

"Really?" Tara asked, her voice laced in doubt as she evaluated the obviously-chastened woman before her. "M-Most people don't think Heart is v-very cool..."

"The Wilson sisters rock," the redhead said with a resolute head nod, noticing with a quick drop of her eyes that the blonde wasn't wearing a bra. Humina... "I was also meaning more, the whole, having a babysitter who was into music," she said, hoping her quick perusal of the blonde's chest went unnoticed. "Me? Didn't have that so much."

"Babysitter didn't like music?" Tara asked, her eyes flicking to look at the envelopes in Willow's arms before looking back up.

"No babysitter," Willow replied. "I was a latch key kid, so... it was pretty much just me, and me. Well, sometimes Xander, too," the redhead added, remembering how the dark-haired boy would escape his dysfunctional home to keep her company after school when the fighting between his parents became too intense. "Me, doing my homework. Xander, doing skateboard tricks on the carpet, or watching cartoons, while I bugged him to do his homework." The girl offered Tara what she hoped was a charming smile. "The only music we ever listened to were my dad's old Doobie Brothers records." She paused slightly. "We were Michael McDonald's biggest 11-year old fans."

Tara smiled softly, and then pointed to the mess of papers in her roommate's arms. "You found your mail," the blonde said, eager to further divert attention from her singing, and from Willow's awkward attempt to make amends.

"Yup," the redhead said, bringing her arms out slightly as she internally kicked herself again for stupidly sneaking up on Tara. "It was easy though, because my very thoughtful roomie put it in in the mail box thingy."

Tara nodded with a slight half-smile, before turning slightly serious. "Big envelopes."

"Yeah..." Willow trailed off, looking down at the pile of papers. "And, apparently constructed of very shoddy materials."

"For the condos you saw, this last weekend?" Tara led, knowing full well what they were for.

"Mmhmm," the redhead answered, before her brow quirked slightly in confusion. "How'd you know?"

"The mottos on the back," the blonde replied with a slight blush. "'Exceptional urban living... something, something'," she trailed off with a self-deprecating half smile. "My friend Jay actually did some of the welding work on the Folsom Lantern."

"Really?" Willow asked with interest, stepping forward and leaning against the studio's doorjamb. "Jay who made the chandelier?"

"The very same," Tara said with a smile, impressed that Willow would remember a seemingly insignificant detail from the initial tour of the home months ago.

Willow nodded. "You know, I'm actually a little surprised to see the envelopes," she admitted candidly. "I thought, you know, that I had to ask for them. I guess I wasn't really listening closely when they were explaining the next steps..." She looked down at the papers in her arms and then back up, her voice sheepish. "I was sorta, in a bad mood that day."

Tara nodded. Oh, I remember... "Maybe it's just protocol; send an application to everyone who stops by."

"Maybe," Willow replied. The redhead's eyes drifted past the artist, and her face screwed up in confusion.

"What?" The artist asked, looking over her shoulder and then back to her roommate, not understanding what it was behind her that could cause such a look.

"Nothing," the redhead replied, shaking her head slightly. "I just, thought I heard you painting when I came in, but blank canvas so..."

"I was, well, not painting," the blonde reached behind her and picked a brush up off of the easel's crowded tray. "Treating, the canvas. You have to treat it so that it's waterproof, so the paint doesn't soak into the canvas."

"Why don't they just sell canvases that are all ready waterproof?" Willow asked innocently.

"They do," Tara replied with a smile. Always curious... "Just, most artists treat their canvases themselves. Some artists like the paint to seep in some, some like the paint to sit on the surface like, paint on glass. Quality control." The blonde shrugged slightly. "I do it out of habit."

The redhead nodded, tucking the new information into her, 'what it takes to be an artist' mental file. "Did you get a lot done today?" She asked, almost wishing she hadn't when a sour look covered Tara's face. "And, frowny face says no..."

The blonde sighed, good-naturdly, a slight, rueful smile emerging on her lips. "Not really."

"No inspiration?" The redhead asked, her voice concerned, her thoughts momentarily, and selfishly, pulled to the envelope in her jacket pocket.

"I just... can't concentrate," Tara said, gently slapping the brush against her leg a couple of times before turning and putting it back onto the easel tray. Probably a good idea to not mention the 'Willow-Willow-Willow' internal monologue... "It's just, I have to have an idea before I begin painting with the acrylics--"

"Because they dry fast," Willow added, like a good student.

"Yes," Tara said with a smile, impressed the redhead remembered the tidbit from yesterday. "I have ideas... but..."

"Not inspiration."

The blonde nodded. "I'm starting to get nervous..." She moved a thin hand over her stomach, her tummy fluttering in response to her admission of nerves.

"About, not finishing?" Willow asked, again noticing with a quick look how stunning the blonde's bountiful chest looked in the thin orange shirt.

Tara nodded. "And..." she trailed off.

"And..." Willow said, encouraging the blonde to continue.

"It's just an adjustment," the blonde said with a shrug of her shoulders. "I haven't used acrylics in years; I know how to use them, have used them before but... I just, am not sure what to expect. The colors, they're not as vibrant as oils... I mean, I bought the best available, but just, no matter what, no matter how I mix them they won't be as... lush? I guess..." she shook her head a little. "I just have to adjust. To think a little differently, see the world a little differently..."

Willow nodded, shifting her weight slightly before saying, "maybe seeing the world a little differently will be a good change?"

"Maybe," the blonde replied. She smiled slightly at Willow for the wise words, and after a slight pause, she nodded her head at her roommate. "Did you have fun at Khalil's?"

"Oh, yeah. We mainly goofed around, traded music..." The redhead briefly thought of mentioning the envelope in her pocket, before thinking better of it. "Hey, did you know that Sylvester Stallone has a line of pudding?"

"Hmm, nope," the blonde deftly replied, not missing a beat at the seeming non-sequiter. "Is it any good?"

"I don't know, I was too afraid to try it..." the redhead confessed before digressing. "Khalil's roommate Dave has like three cases of it; he tried to goad me into tasting it."

"Well hopefully he's not afraid to try it or else, you know, pretty silly purchase," Tara said, with a quick bob of her head.

"Right," Willow smiled. Just ask her.., Her eyes darted to the blank canvas, and then back to her roommate. "I uh, I brought your umbrella up," she said instead. "You left it in the car earlier, in the door pocket."

"Right," Tara nodded. "Sorry."

"No biggie." The redhead shifted slightly, and after a short moment of silence, smiled. "Well, I better get up to bed, let you finish with your canvas."

"Yeah..." Tara said. Willow smiled again and Tara cocked her head to the side as she swore she caught a sparkle in Willow's eyes. A warmth. A... look? The redhead made three steps toward the stairs before Tara stopped her. "Willow?"

"Hmm?" The redhead said, turning to face her roommate again.

"I..." the blonde trailed off, her thoughts drying up before she could think of something to say. Of some reason why she'd stopped the girl. Of some reason for why she needed to see the girl's face one more time tonight. After an awkward moment, the blonde quickly looked over her shoulder and then back to the girl standing just outside of her studio. "Do you, would, you, like that painting?" Tara stepped back, and pointed to 'Confusing', leaning gently against the back wall.

Willow's jaw dropped slightly and she almost did a double-take at the gesture. "Really?" She asked, her voice squeaking slightly, unable to hide her surprise and delight at the offer.

"Yeah," Tara said, her heart warming at the happy look on Willow's face. "I, I don't know what to do with it, and I thought you might like it..." Seems as good a reason as any... the blonde thought, nervously.

"I would, like it," the redhead said, rooted in her spot. "But, haven't you already sold it?" When Tara's face screwed up, Willow continued. "It was with the commissioned paintings yesterday..."

"An accident," Tara replied with a slight wave of her hand. "It was actually supposed to be a test canvas, but after what you said yesterday..." She shook her head slightly a smile on her lips. "It's done."

"You don't want to try and sell it?" Willow asked. "I mean, couldn't you send it to L.A.?"

Tara slightly shook her head. "Seems like you should have it."

The redhead smiled brightly. Wow. "Okay." The two shared a warm look, before Willow's excitement bubbled up. "Can I take it now?"

The blonde laughed. "Sure, just let me put a wire on the back so you can hang it." She walked over to a wood box near her desk and pulled out a spool of wire. She unwound the wire a bit, and then cut it with a pair of wire cutters, then dipped into the box again and removed two pins. She moved to the work, and turned it, careful to keep the paint from touching her pants. She leaned over, and went about attaching the wire to the two vertical edges of the painting's wood frame.

Willow watched the blonde's actions in silence, her mind overwhelmed by the gesture and the sight of Tara's enticing form bent over the canvas. She sighed happily, drinking in the blonde's curves, and then stood to attention, eyes forward, when Tara turned around. "Are you sure you don't want me to carry this up for you?" The blonde asked, nodding to the papers in Willow's arms. "You're kind of loaded down already."

"I can carry it," Willow replied. She held out her right hand and hooked her fingers around the newly fastened wire, her left hand pressing the papers to her chest tightly. Wow, again. Though she wanted the blonde to help her, wanted more than anything for the artist to follow her up to her room, for them to spend more time together, maybe kiss her a little and gush about what a great artist I think she is, the redhead didn't want to do anything to pull the obviously frustrated artist from her work. "Thank you, so much."

"You're welcome, so much," Tara said with a bright smile. She hadn't anticipated making the gesture, of giving Willow the 'confusing' work, but now that she had... God she has a beautiful smile.

"I better get going," Willow said, her face straining from the large smile pulling at her lips. Wow, wow, wow, three times! "Let you get back to work."

"Yeah," Tara replied with a slight, kind eye-roll, acknowledging their earlier discussion about her painters-block.

"Thank you, again--"

"It's nothing, really," the blonde said, stepping back to the drop cloth situated beneath the canvas in the center of the room. She ducked her head, slightly embarrassed by the gesture she had just made, then looked up and enjoyed the way the redhead's eyes sparkled with delight. How they sparkled with unmistakable warmth. Wow. The look caught Tara's breath for a moment, and it took some effort to simply say, "enjoy."

"I will," the redhead said with a huge smile. "Okay... night."

"Night," Tara replied with a slight bob of her head. She watched as Willow turned and exited, keeping her eyes on the girl's attractive form until she disappeared up the stairs. Tara deflated a little as the girl left. She went to turn back to the canvas before something caught her attention; she looked down to see her nipples standing erect, pushing at the thin fabric of her shirt, and for the first time since Willow moved in, Tara realized how she must look as she pranced around without a bra. Her cheeks went rosy, wondering if Willow noticed, and wondering why she should care if the redhead did. She quickly crossed her arms over her chest, and shook her head to shake the flush in her cheeks. Don't be silly... she thought, dropping her arms and moving back to the canvas before her. She probably didn't even notice... She picked up the brush and moved it across the canvas twice, before reaching her hand up and touching her red-hot cheek, muttering, "get a grip, Tara, we all have boobs in this apartment..." She groaned aloud when the affirmation didn't help her feel any less provocative.

**********************************

Willow snuggled into her bed, bringing her down comforter to rest just under her chin. It was just before 10, and she could barely keep her eyes open, the long day catching up to her quickly. She sighed, contentedly, her body snug and warm in her soft cocoon, and her eyes drifted up to feast on the painting now hanging on the wall across the room. Wow. The girl smiled widely and shimmied slightly, her wiggling a testament to how happy the gift made her. How happy a simple gesture—and an amazing painting—from Tara could make her night.

It had been a no-brainer where to hang the work; it had to be the wall opposite the bed, where she could see it when she woke up and fell asleep, and from where she worked when at her desk. In the near dark the red stripe looked purple, the dull glow from the street light reflecting off of the white canvas surrounding the paint.

The redhead's eyes drifted over to her dresser, and the bent envelope sitting on it. Oh well... she thought with an ounce of defeat before shutting her eyes and sinking further into the bed, her joints relaxing and her muscles loosening. What a day. Tara, Morgan, Tara, Anya, and more Tara. Her cheeks flushed red momentarily, remembering her embarrassment at Good Vibrations, and her ire at seeing Morgan at the gallery. The thoughts faded, however, as she remembered Tara's foot touching her own at the bus stop, as she remembered Tara's smile as she handed over the painting. Faded, as she remembered that despite all of the complications, she still had been able to spend a good chunk of time with Tara.

Willow sighed. She thought back to when she woke up that morning. She remembered waking up to the remnants of a dream... her brow crinkled slightly. Tara was in it... she was... she was here, in bed with me... the redhead remembered, bringing her left hand over to feel the cool sheets where the blonde had slept in her dream. We talked about going to see Anya... the redhead remembered, the fuzzy images returning to her consciousness slowly. I told Tara that I thought she was starting to like me... The redhead opened her eyes with a series of blinks.

I told Tara that I thought she liked me more than a friend. Willow's sleepy mind whirred as she attempted to process this thought. The thought that Tara not only liked her, but perhaps, just perhaps, liked her as more than just a friend. The redhead let out a measured breath as she looked at the painting hanging across the room, the painting that had been given to her just an hour or two earlier for no good reason other than that the blonde thought she should have it. In my dream, Willow thought, unwilling to trust what her tired mind was trying to tell her, Tara had feelings for me. The redhead blinked, then blinked again, before she turning to her side, and pulling the comforter tight around her. Sleep, a drowsy Willow thought, sleep, will make everything clearer... She closed her eyes, and moments later, drifted quickly into a dream-filled slumber.

[FineyMcFine]

dibs!

ETA:

Hey Heather - another great (and swift) chapter, woo hoo! What struck me the most in this chapter was how real and familiar Willow's conversation with her mother was. It reminded me so much of how my own mom would bring up "Are you sure you're gay? What about this boyfriend from the past? What about this, that, or the other thing?" again and again after I came out to her. The feeling I got from their exchange was that this is a topic that they've been over before again and again and it always goes the same way. This weekend should be interesting...

It's interesting to think that everything that happened, from Good Vibrations and Anya, to their argument, Morgan, their time apart during the day, and then their interaction at night all happened in the course of one day. Luckily they dealt with things and it ended up okay.

Loved Tara giving Willow the painting, and I also loved Tara noticing how she must look in her T-shirt without a bra after being around Willow. It's funny how a person can be totally unselfconscious sometimes and then when they're around someone they like or are attracted to, they get self-conscious. And Willow's dream - I wonder if she's picking up on signals Tara might be putting out. Hmmmm.

[MochaVamp]

How exciting, two Neverland updates so close to each other!

This has been one of my favorite stories. I love the details and layers you build into your work.

Overall, I like the fact it has taken Willow and Tara so long to work on figuring out their feelings. Sometimes in life you know right away, but lots of times, a huge thought process takes place. Hopefully not as long a this:)

I think this chapter could be used as a primer for those people who do not understand how difficult coming out can be for people. Until the deed is done, you really do not know what the reaction will be.

Bonus for the CNN tickertape comment! I find it overwhelming at times.

[The Rose24]

Whoa! Two updates within a week. I am glad you are able to update more frequently.

I am also relieved they are starting to slowly gravitate to each other. When they do get together, there will probably be a lot of tension to release.

[Artemis]

Eeep! That's what I get for leaving feedback for 'later', I missed a whole chapter. Sorry Anyway, here's the previous chapter's feedback, brought to you by the magic of time travel, or something, and I'll read and leave my thoughts (promptly this time, I swear) on the latest chapter soon.

It's a funny thing, even when Tara's feel un-arty, she's still so much of an artist. I loved the part where she tried to get into her art-mood, and was just seeing moments from earlier that day - it's so easy to see how, seeing the world like that, she can turn it into art the way she does. I hope she manages to turn out some paintings soon - personally I think she'd do well with a Willow series, but in her present state that might be more than she's willing to commit to - I'm just guessing, but I think painting a whole bunch of paintings about Willow would be, for Tara, as nerve-wracking as just telling her she loves her. Something to do after they're together, perhaps

Tara's place did feel kind of empty without Willow in it - I can just imagine how Tara feels, having become used to feet moving around upstairs, taps turning on and off, just the general sense of a presence in the house. For some odd reason, the rain-soaked lump of mail helped the empty-house feel - I can't put my finger on it, but somehow that was part of translating the usual comfy feel of the apartment to a more vacant feeling.

The questions Tara's asking herself are interesting, especially about 'partner'. I wonder if, without realising it, she's kind of avoiding the most obvious explanation, that Willow meant it in a gay sense - admitting that, for Tara, would be possibly opening herself up to the whole slew of emotions she's already been dealing with in her quest for Willow, and we've already seen that, as she thinks that's going nowhere, she is attracted to the idea of not obsessing over Willow anymore. Sure, if Willow meant partner in the gay sense, perhaps the Quest For Willow isn't so futile after all - but for Tara, maybe just the notion of going down that road again is too scary to really face up to just now.

I really liked her chat with Dawn, who was cute as ever in her oddball kind of way. Any chance of a scene with both Buffy and Dawn in it, at some point down the line? That'd have to be pretty entertaining.

Well, off to read, more later. Yay again for the swift updatey goodness

[Naeryn]

Don't have much to say, largely because it's 2:30 in the morning, and I'm a dead tired insomniac... but I will say this much:

Delightful writing, love! I'm starting to see some real development between Willow and Tara, and hopefully that will continue... though, judging by the way things have been going, they may well not. Keep writing, please, I'm addicted. There's no saying what I'll do if I don't get my Neverland fix.

I have heart problems. You wouldn't want me to have a heart attack, would you? So you should just make with the lovin'. At least another dream sequence...

I've been wondering about something though. Why do we all write Sheila as reacting horribly to Willow's coming out - when in season unmentionable Will clearly states that her mother was all gung-ho about it, as if she were making a political statement, until that novelty wore off and then she was just gay? Not quoted word for word, hence no "", but close enough.

Just a thought.

[Thianne]

the thing i love most about you is that when you really get down to it you post long, HUGE updates! this was, really, really satisfying......it left me sighing and all tingly. the are some parts that i just HAVE to quote:

From that time on, everything was art. The rusty weather-vane atop the office building out back, the gray whiskers on her father's face at the end of the day... Even the striped wallpaper in her bedroom, peeling in places and slightly faded from age. Tara saw beauty, saw the building blocks for art everywhere, and she cherished the book that sparked it all as much as she cherished the time she had spent looking through it as a youth.

oh my god. how did you manage to convey such.....i don't even know what is it, it was touching and beautiful, and....i don't have the words. and how she loves that book....damn, sweetie, you're good!

sticking her tongue out at the work as she walked away.

so cute! i have the visual in my head now, and i tell ya, it's a very funny and sweet visual

did you know Sylvester Stallone has a line of pudding?

no, i didn't. is it true? please, tell me it's not true. and if it's true, how do you know it's not dangerous? you didn't try it, did you?

"Hmm, nope," the blonde deftly replied, not missing a beat at the seeming non-sequiter. "Is it any good?"

love the fact that tara can follow willow (eh eh eh....follow willow....sounds funny!) in her very....dynamic thinking process. kinda shows how much they're perfect for each other since T doesn't lose herself in the flow of strange things that W can come up with.

"Do you, would, you, like that painting?" Tara stepped back, and pointed to 'Confusing', leaning gently against the back wall.
....

"Seems like you should have it."
....

"Thank you, so much."

"You're welcome, so much,"

awww.....such a sweet gesture! i still think that she should have put even a little card, a little "i'm-in-love-with-you" card, with little hearts, and willow would have probably burst with happiness.

She picked up the brush and moved it across the canvas twice, before reaching her hand up and touching her red-hot cheek, muttering, "get a grip, Tara, we all have boobs in this apartment..."

In my dream, Willow thought, unwilling to trust what her tired mind was trying to tell her, Tara had feelings for me.

yeah. so, the way i see it, your dream is trying to tell you something, and you should listen to it. really.

so, now that i finally finished quoting like a mad woman, i can say that i really [and when i say really i mean REALLY.....(i think i should learn more words, because, honestly, i feel verbally challenged. think you could manage with italian feedback? )] and....yes, i was saying that i really, absofuckinglutely LOVED this update and that i hope to see another one soon.

love

[wimpy0729]

Hiya Heather!

Wow. Another swift and extremely well done update. You are on such a roll and I love it!

Interesting conversation between Willow and her mother. God, I feel the nervousness right along with her about the upcoming weekend and the big talk. I can't wait to see how this all comes out. lol pun intended.

I'm still amazed how you take us right along with them during their everyday activities and into their thoughts. So, so much going on.

The gift from Tara was so sweet. I gotta admit I had remembered what she was wearing from the previous update, and I was right there with Willow with the "noticing" certain aspects. Trying to be all stealthy and turning all red, but some things are just too hard not to notice. lol Sorry, I couldn't help it.

Okay, more soon please?. I am so anxious to see what you have for us next.

Great job Heather!

Wimpy

[notl33t]

I am an update monkey! *squawk* *squawk* banana *squawk* I think I will spend another day dancing for this update, it totally deserves it.

Every single time Tara interacts with Willow in Neverland, I get the tinglies just from reading about the proximity. So many tinglies in this update...and hope for the future? Cuz I'm hoping they get together soon and I'm happy because they're not fighting or upset with each other. Just confused.

I'm excited and praying to be able to read about Xander and Tara's first interaction. Ah, the joy of first impressions. Xander knows all about Tara from Willow's POV, but Tara only thinks she knows Xander. Hee hee hee.

And women without bras... I'm not sure why this is a turn-on, but you're making me anxious for naughtier things...is that intentional? Will Neverland cross into . . . The Naughty Zone?

[db]

Another update?!

You are spoiling me - I love it!

I love how you are taking the time to flesh out the confusing feelings they are having. It seems like you are trying to show us that they are both at a doorway. Like maybe they are finally willing to acknowledge that there may be mutual feeling there. Tara seems to be struggling with it more and I wonder if she is maybe more willing to acknowledge the possiblity of an atraction than the fact that Willow is madly, totally, unreservedly in love with her. I think that maybe Tara struggles with feeling maybe attractive but unlovable or something like that (as I sit in my amateur therapist's armchair and rub my chin muttering "hmmmm"). But I think Willow has something in her pocket that may be able to challenge that. Is it the mixed cd she promised? I'd love to hear what's on it .

...and our brave little toaster Willow. She really is starting to piece things together - her dream! (By the way I love your dream sequences. I wish I had such lovely dreams ). She is staring down the barrel at this weekend and coming out to her mother and Buffy (in like two or three days, right?), So brave and so very necessary. I imagine it feels good to finally be able to be so close to setting things straight (as it were). I jsut hope that in doing so, she helps to alleviate the tension between Buffy and Xander. I also imagine that, as it gets closer, Willow's anxiety will increase. I hope that she eventually feels able to talk to Tara about this. Even if it doesn't lead right into smoochies - can't Willow see that Tara might have some real world words of advice and support?

So - Willow is dreaming in a more realistic way now - Tara is transitioning from an unattainable fantasy to something that really might be a possibiliy. I love that you had Willow admit it to herself out loud:

I told Tara that I thought she liked me more than a friend. Willow's sleepy mind whirred as she attempted to process this thought. The thought that Tara not only liked her, but perhaps, just perhaps, liked her as more than just a friend. The redhead let out a measured breath as she looked at the painting hanging across the room, the painting that had been given to her just an hour or two earlier for no good reason other than that the blonde thought she should have it. In my dream, Willow thought, unwilling to trust what her tired mind was trying to tell her, Tara had feelings for me.

... and Tara gave her that painting. That's just the best. Now Tara just needs to realize that she has no *choice* but to use the inspiration that is hanging around her house - Willow would no doubt love to be her muse . But Tara's too shy to ask - so maybe Willow can inoccently offer herself up as a character study so that Tara has something to work on.


... just sayin'.

Thank you yet again for the lovely update and all the great satisfaction I get from reading your story!

db

[caz]

Hi Heather thanks for thinking of me. I'm feeling a lot better now.

So, Tara still didn't manage to get any painting done but at least she spent the afternoon doing something she enjoyed. I can't wait to find out the title of Tara's favourite piece of work - I Imagine that it has something to do with Willow.

I really don't like Willow's mother. Sheila doesn't seem to want to listen to what Willow has to say. I don't think this bodes well for their meeting on Saturday. On the other hand I think that Ira might surprise his daughter.

I love that Tara gave 'Confusing' to Willow - such a sweet present.

Thank you for updating so quickly, it has made my day.

Caz

[WillowRTaraM1]

Could it BE!? TWO updates in one week!! Oh I beleive youve just made me the happiest little lesbian alive Heather!

Off to read! I shall be back to post my actual feedback

-Feedback-

Wow!! This was the best suprise ever. What a wonderful update Heather! I loved reading about Tara's love for modern art and Willows fascination with Sylvestor Stalones pudding? cracked me up.

This quote:

Willow's sleepy mind whirred as she attempted to process this thought. The thought that Tara not only liked her, but perhaps, just perhaps, liked her as more than just a friend.

made me SO happy!!!

I love the progress!! Cant wait for more

[The_Lord_J]

See, here I was not expecting an update for a while...

Again, Awesome. I sound like a stuck record. But it's the only word I can really come up with. I wish I could write like that; the fact that you can write pages and pages on Tara simply looking at an art book and still keep me riveted is incredible - I could never do that.

And I totally get the part where Tara is wondering if she'll ever better that picture. I get that all the time, listening to old compositions and wondering if I'll ever do any better. I think creative artists (of any description) always feel that their best works have always already been done until a new one is completed if you know what I mean. Kinda like, you always think you've passed your peak until you finish a new work...and then after a few minutes it's 'how the hell do I top that?' I heard a story about a comedian once who came off stage after doing what was possibly the most hilarious routine of all time, and looked absolutely lost and hopeless; when asked what was wrong he said 'I've got another half to do yet - how the hell am I gonna follow that?'

I can totally relate. Been there, done that. Regularly.

Ooo and Willow-thought too Always a good thing; loved the part where the envelope collapsed - such a bad-timing moment that it could have been straight out of the show.

And now the emptiness is back....more more more!!! Pleeeeeeease....

*drops to knees and begs*

[dorksrcool]

Woo hoo, another wonderful update! The part about the 24 hour news graphic was too funny. It was really cool that Tara was singing "What About Love" 'cause I love that song (what lesbian doesn't love Heart?) and I thought it was really cute that Willow wanted to stand and listen to her. And you certainly can't blame Willow for noticing Tara's um....abundant assets in her tight orange shirt. You gotta love that image.

The sound of soft rain tapping against the large windows across the open space echoed throughout the large room, and a semi-repetitive 'scritch-scritch' scratch came from Tara's studio, adding a rhythmic element to the already percussive, natural sound..

This was my favorite part of the update. I swear I could hear that sound in my head while I was reading it. I always get so immersed in the lush imagry you create with your words. Very well done.

Lastly, I have to say that I can really relate to Willow and her whole "coming out" to the family situation. My mom says a lot of the same stuff to me during our conversations. It is so frustrating and sad really. You are doing an excellent job of describing this extremely stressful family dynamic that many gay people have to cope with when "coming out" to their families. I feel for Willow. Maybe when she and Tara finally get a clue and figure out they like each other, Tara can give Willow a to make her feel better. Wouldn't that be nice.

Loving this story like everyone on this board. I can't believe you've given us two lovely updates in such a short amount of time. Now I'm going to go back and read the whole thing!


amy

[WillowRulez]

Oh wow, another update! So cooly! We are getting closer to Friiidaaay *happy dance*

She stood, and headed to the kitchen carrying the empty tea cup at her side, sticking her tongue out at the work as she walked away.

Haha, that is so cute!
About Willow moving... well, this update of course cleared it all up but I just thought that Willow only might wanna appear to be moving. Not only to Sheila but maybe to Tara too? And that doesnt make a lot of sense, I know.
The descriptions of Tara browsing through the book are really well written. I am not much of an art buff but I never have trouble envisioning anything when you write it.
Sheila is gonna be a tough nut to crack, hm? I think Willow doesnt need to worry about her dad that much, Sheila is the more ignorant one.
And Stallone and pudding? Geez, why cant these actors just stick to acting? Why does it always have to be pudding or being a governor?
Also, I always forget to mention it but I just cant picture Khalil as such a nice guy. It's not him, personally (lol) but my best friend's husband's name is Khalil too and I dont have a to highly opinion of him. Can't help but picturing him whenever your Khalil shows up. I am trying to work on that
So happy Willow ended her phone call with Xander before she came home. The talk with Tara just put a huge smile on my face; giving Willow the painting was such a sweet gesture... and now Willow is thinking too! Yay!

[beanie]

Ah . . . EasierSaid, you're too good to us! Another update?!?! I'm not worthy.

I see what you mean with the whole concentrating on the girls for the next couple of updates, and well, you'll hear no complaints from this end at which I am happily located with my teeny laptop. And I don't mean to bitch about the slow pace, it's just I love stating the obvious. It makes me feel smart or something wacky and undeserving like that. Your pace is your pace. And hell, it adds to the tension and relationship and everything in the creamy scrumtulescent center.

So the passage about Tara's mother and her book or shall I say tome of modern art is just so sigh-able. Sigh. I love when Tara gets all weepy about her mother and how much she loved her mother and how much her mother taught her. OH MY GOD, IT'S LIKE MAGIC YOU TRICKY LITTLE MINX. (Okay, I'm not that dumb. I got the connection before. Honestly.) It's wonderful how everything can be art to Tara whereas everything seems to be music to Willow. Willow seems to be a very aural person, what with listening to the "scritch-scritch scratch" of Tara's almost-painting and the pitter-patter of the rain drops (that keep falling on my head. They keep fallin').

Good point with the whole Willow telling her father. She has been so focused on outting herself to her mother and Buffy that it seems that she (read: I) forgot that she had a pops to tell. I wonder how THAT'S gonna go. Hmm ... Hmm ... Hmmmmmmm?

Oh and eee eee. When Tara gave Willow the painting back. It seems the generosity isn't just a Willow's-in-love characteristic. Of course, Willow should have it, it's clearly about her duh. Dummies. I kind of squee'd when I read that part though because I had just read the part in Fried Green Tomatoes when Idgie gives Ruth the honey. It's all so precious.

You seem also to be delving heavily into the painting = life strain. Tara needs to paint in acrylic which is a lot more permanent. That carries the implication that Tara needs to start seeing life through Willow-Loves-Me goggles so that she can find out what she really needs to do to jump into her relationship with Willow, which will without a doubt last for a very very long eternity. The signs are not as easy to see with the "oil paint" (cough Morgan cough) but once you mix them correctly and use them as they should be, you get happiness with Willow. Okay that last one was a bit of a stretch.

And if by dream-filled slumber you mean another wet dream for Willow (and for us), well missy, I just won't stand it! Nope, I'll sit down while I read it

-beanie

P.S. I toootally knew Stallone had pudding.

[spells42]

Yay, more lovely Neverland... and you write such lovely loooong updates too!

Tara's thoughts on art and the early influence of the MOMA book (and the Modern Art school of thought in general) on her view of the world gave us quite an insight into this Tara, and the importance her feelings, her reactions to the world around her, play in her artistic creations. I think one of the reasons Tara is such a popular character (besides having a very hot actress play the part ) is that she comes across as someone who understands and communicates feelings well.

Poor Willow, feeling so much guilt. What terrible things we do to ourselves and our children just trying to be the best we can for each other, and (inevitably?) falling short of that ideal. Our parents, children, loved ones don't expect that perfection, but we don't let ourselves just be for fear of, somehow, letting them down. Her mum says she just wants her to be happy, and Willow knows she needs to come out to family and friends in order to be happy, now she just has to believe her mum means what she says. The thoughts about her dad were sad, too. To love someone and yet be kept so distant.....

The scene of the two of them in the studio was sweet .... I'm glad that Willow made it clear she wasn't so interested in finding another place to live.

thanks
Anne

[willowspiritus]

Another update already??!!!! You spoil us

I am feeling like a geek admitting this but i am saving this update for the weekend. Because then i know for sure i have something nice to read.
I have friday a day off so luckily weekend is early this week.

Thanks again! You rock

[Thianne]

OH MY GOD, IT'S LIKE MAGIC YOU TRICKY LITTLE MINX. (Okay, I'm not that dumb. I got the connection before. Honestly.)

the part in Fried Green Tomatoes when Idgie gives Ruth the honey.

i just love that part, and that book, even if reading it always makes me sad and nostalgic.....

[Leafsdude]

Update update update! Woohoo! (times 2)

They're doing so well. Why do I fear an anvil is coming? :

I'm happy that Tara's now at least considering that Xander and Willow are in a completely platonic relationship and have been for quite some time. I can see two sides to the result of Xander's potential visit if/when he and Tara meet. One is Tara's very level headed and lets him explain (for lack of a better term). The other is Tara goes wacko on him, and scares him back to Sunnydale. I'm very narrow-minded, though, when it comes to stories, so I'm probably missing a much better and much more obvious situation.

Dawn's rather weird. So, umm...You captured her perfectly.

Seriously, though, gotta love her conclusions from what Tara told her. Tara's so chicken, though.

Oh, and great Jennifer Aniston insert.

A very interesting look into Tara's history with art. I like the idea of a chance situation making up a big part of who she is. Totally cool.

And what the hell is up with famous people and food? It's, ugh, annoying. Does Steven Segal rea,ly have an energy drink?

But anyway, it's a very funny bit. Running gags are so much fun.

Finally, I love how you can make such little things have such great reactions, and build the character's relationships, like Tara giving Willow the panting. I it.

I'm waiting patiently for the next update!

[hondos1st]

Wow!! updates in one week?Should we be expecting more soon or is this a fluke thing?Anyway, great updates.Glad to see ya back.Rose

[Krokador]

Woohoo another update!!!!! We're spoiled

And! A almost happy one! This is... addictive I feel like I've watched an episode of a serie and am waiting for the next one next week, and I just cant wait lol.

You make everything feel so real... its crazy. Updatey goodness soon again?

*makes puppy eyes*

[IamLoui]

OH!!
I LOVE you, EasierSaid.
What an update!!! You are the keeper of my heart.

[Artemis]

Yes! Well, I hope Willow hasn't forgotten this when she wakes up, because having the idea in her mind that Tara might have more-than-friends feelings for her could lead to Willow being able to reassess all kinds of signals Tara's sending out (whether she's meaning to or not)... we could be on the verge of real progress here.

Of course, Willow's got plenty upon plenty on her mind already - but it's a hope. Her chat with her mother, and thoughts about coming out, were enlightening, especially regarding how she feels about not coming out to both her parents at once. I think she's made the right decision there - in the ideal world she'd be able to come out to them both at once, but in the ideal world she wouldn't have the example of parents disowning their children to give her the willies at the thought of outing herself. At some point, doing what's ideally best has to give way to doing what's possible. I sure hope neither parent freaks too badly - her mother I'm undecided on, obviously she's fixed on the idea of Willow getting married to some guy, and perhaps she'll pursue that to the extent of rejecting Willow's gayness - or maybe Willow coming out, once and for all, not couhed in hypotheticals, will snap her out of that expectation. I'd like to think her father will be supportive, and it's possible from what we've learned, but there's really not enough information to do more than guess. Of course, Willow' a bright girl - if we could work it out, I'm sure she would have too.

Incidentally, re-reading the above made me realise how effectively you put me in Willow's mind - rather than 'Sheila' and 'Ira', I'm thinking of them as Willow's mother and father, just as Willow does. Really, does anyone think of their parents by their names, as opposed to just mum and dad - barring unusual circumstances, of course. I know my mum is my mum, always has been. It's very engrossing to see the world through someone's eyes the way it is through your own - like a prism, subtly changing everything you see through it - rather than having characters and events laid out like a roadmap.

And speaking of stuff I adore about how you write, I just want to point to Willow's 'humina' on seeing casual bra-less Tara. It's so true to life that she can be so complex and thoughtful and intellectual, and at the same time just space out on seeing a hot pair of boobies. I liked Tara's delayed reaction too, very Tara - shy, worried about putting herself forward... sometime, quite a way down the track, I'm looking forward to a Tara who's perfectly content with Willow seeing her in all her nekkid glory, and that transition to a more relaxed Willow-loving Tara will be all the sweeter because she's coming from this self-conscious place she's in now.

Speaking of Tara, even more of the artistic touches that I love in this story - you've really made her an artist at heart, not just as a hobby or profession. I never knew canvasses had to be prepared, but the way Tara explains it I can absolutely see her doing it herself, because she likes creating at all stages - and not even thinking of it as 'creating', in the sense of consciously trying to be an arty-look-at-me do-it-yourself-artist, but just dismissing it as a habit.

I can totally imagine Tara, in a creative slump, feeling picked on by her painting - I'm sure anyone who's ever created something that turned out well has had that thought when the creative juices weren't flowing later on. But moving from one painting to another, her giving Confusing to Willow was incredibly sweet - I adore how on both sides their analysis of what was going on (which is pretty non-stop for both of them) kind of got overshadowed by the pure joy of giving/receiving a gift, and sharing the happiness it brought.

[irishgrl3]

Wow Heather, that was a wonderful chapter!

I have to tell you, I loved this part...

“because her brain had apparently scheduled 'thinking about Willow' for the afternooon. It was like watching one of those obnoxious 24 hour news channels where the screen was so cluttered with disparete information that it was hard to concentrate on the main image. Willow ticker along the bottom, Xander stock prices in the upper left corner, the Buffy/Willow's mom infographic underneath the picture-in-picture of Morgan's smiling face. And don't forget the "breaking news" banner featuring Dawn's floating head...”

OMG, I laughed my ass off... It was a quirky visual type of thing that I totally saw in my head and it struck me as so funny.

I truly enjoyed this chapter. Not that I didn't absolutely love the others but this one was so packed with thoughts and feelings and well just... Wow! Tara's description of the book that had been her mother's was a beautiful trip down memory lane. And it was interesting her thoughts of modern art vs. classic and the reasons she chose modern art. (Or maybe it chose her). Then switching to Willow with the phone conversation with her mom and her thought dialogue about her father. It was kind of a reintroduction to/adding more levels to your already complex characters.

The gesture of Tara's gift of her art to Willow and the eye "twinkles" it ensued were priceless. I could just see the looks. Happy, happy looks!
Great job!

Hope things are well with you,

-anna

[mudrat]

*Two* updates in a single week? I think that's just about made my year!!

Another fabulous update.... it seems like our girls are *finally* beginning to get it, and progress would appear to have definitely been made.

I'm not sure I can say much more than others have mentioned previously, so I'll simply reiterate - I loved Tara's thoughts about her MOMA art book... her contemplation of and battle of wills with her favourite painting (and I can't wait to hear the full story behind that one - painted three years ago? That would be at about the same time as That Day In The Park, would it not?)... the way her mind had the WillowTrain Of Thought firmly parked at its station for the whole afternoon... and the utter sweetness of her giving 'Confusing' to Willow. *claps hands happily* Yes, they might be a bit slow on the uptake about these things, but it's still progress, and we loves it, we does!!

And I have to say that I learned more about art and artists in the last two updates than I learned in the entirety of high school. So thank you for edumacating me further.

But inquiring minds want to know.... what's in that envelope that Willow had in her pocket??

peace out,
mudrat

[kimmy_s]

ok. it has taken me 3 days to read this fic ( intermittently of course because i do 13 hour shifts!!)
and OMG no smoochies at the end of my hard work reading??
seriously though amazing writing and story. although there is massive angst and all the while i was thinking (and still am) just get with the already!! i was so engrossed i couldn't stop reading. got into trouble at work as well becuse i was late coming back from my break because i was reading this fic
anyway thank you for this amazing story and i hope to read more soon
kim xx

[sinkinghearts]

no updates still? :(

[captain_katie]

Heather!!

Two updates! You are wonderful and glorious and tons of other positive adjectives.

Let me start off by saying that I check for updates on this story every I mean EVERY day, just hoping, wishing, that there would be an update and then one magickal day there was and I said OH YAY! And decided to immediately re-read the previous forty-one chapters before starting on lucky number 42 despite the churning excitement in my stomach screaming “you fool, read the update UPDATE! it might disappear, a lovely dream that when missed might never show again” but it was there and on the Through the Looking Glass website (which is where I like to read this lovely story) and so it was read, and then upon checking, not expecting since there was just an update, there was number 43 and I said “Whee!!”.

Tara… oh that girl… how could you not fall immediately in love with her and how you characterize her especially, the half smile the humble shy demeanor her obviousness to how very VERY hot she really is, mmm good stuff. The stuff about her thinking something is off but not jumping right to “Willow’s gay and is totally in love with me” is great and right on cause come on who immediately just assumes that the object of their undying affection is in love with them as well, okay maybe some people, but I’m not going to start on that… And Dawn, yay DAWN! I heart Dawn cause she is a W/T shipper to be sure. I enjoy how the story is either from Tara’s POV or Willow’s cause you get the angsty angst that is so delicious, but after saying that I love even a mention of other people (i.e. Giles the Latin teaching technophobe librarian and the hunky psych TA Riley) in the Buffy universe (hoping to see lots more cause they’re all so gosh darn cute).

I for one am and always has been so very grateful for your slow lovely progression of the story, maximizes the angsty in way that is painfully delightful! Just throwing them in bed can be fun but this is the kind of story you ignore real life for… for just a hint of that sexual tension and unrequited love.

Also, and I’m not sure if it has been mentioned… but I love how you describe San Francisco (I’ve never been there myself), you make it a character with a life and loveliness of its own. I recently saw Citizen Cake featured on a food network special and I was all “hey! I know that place, I think I have a friend who’s been there (then I thought some more) ok I read it in a fan fic”.

Thanks for the happy updates!!! Can’t wait to see what a Wednesday will bring.