Episode 7.1 - "Bobby" : A Spoof

[Tulipp]

Snipp! I wasn't really leaving! Just having some sulking fun. But now I'm done. And IT, I see you now! There you are!



I do not begrudge IT her win in the least little bit, partly because, hello! She is IT and therefore totally cool. And she deserves her win.



Also because it hit me....now she has to collaborate with you, probably, to write up a little narrative of her experience in the three-way!



So I'm going to look for my ass now, but when I'm done, I'm going to start waiting, and wishing, and hoping, and praying for a little Snipp-IT inspired three-way narrative.

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland

[AntigoneUnbound]

Ye gods, this just gets better and better...



Buffy losing count w/ her sit-ups (and everything else, a fine device that you slipped in so well); her exquisite oblivion to Dawn's heroin-chic; her ill-disguised drool at Tara's appearance; Xander's jaw-dropping stupidity and one-dimensionality...To quote Homer Simpson, it works on so many levels!



I think that besides the incredible humor in both your ideas and the way you communicate them, I also love how your satire illuminates the characters' glitches so well. Buffy IS self-absorbed (and inexplicably well-dressed); Xander IS judgemental and simplistic; Tara IS drool-worthy...OK, so that last part wasn't so much satirical in nature, but it sure was fun to write and envision.



Thanks again for writing this. Lovin' it left and right.



Mary

[snippygal]

AntigoneUnbound - Wow. You quoted Homer in response to “Bobby”. I’m honored and thrilled. Thanks for the insight. And I really think that there is a kind of satire to the Tara in this story being goddess-like, while all the other characters have these overwhelming flaws. There’s a kind of irony in comparison to the real series, which is really what this story is all about and ... oh screw it. I’ll leave the analytical stuff to you and moominmama. I just wanna be funny. And, yes. Tara is drool-worthy. Plain and simple.



Tulipp - Gosh, Tulipp. You start saying “I T” and “Snipp” and “three-way” all in the same sentence and I’m gonna start getting off. Getting off track. That’s what I meant to say. Getting off track. Now, where was I? Oh yes. Thanks for the suggestion. I certainly could use the help with the rest of this thing.



Hello, I T. Are you there? It’s me, Snipp. I need your help!



----------------------------------------

"He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died." - Mrs. White

[The Big I T]

Quote:

---

...I'm going to start waiting, and wishing, and hoping, and praying for a little Snipp-IT inspired three-way narrative.

---

Oh God. When I read what Tulipp posted there I had the same reaction as you snipp. Got off. Track. Waaay off. Track.



And then it suddenly dawned on me. The whole double -- maybe even triple -- entendre aspect of that quote. And now I'm just plain fascinated. And shocked. And more than a little nervous about the way Tulipp's mind works...

[Tulipp]

Okay, everyone just calm down.



I see the entendre, and I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say that I didn't kinda sorta put it there on purpose.



But the terms of IT's contest win are this (and I think that the meta-babble discussion in this last update definitely give us a little precedent for bleeding the lines of fic and life:

Quote:

---

She will be responsible for travel arrangements, lodging and, of course, actually convincing Willow and Tara to sleep with her.”

---

All I'm suggesting is that she is ALSO responsible for reporting back to the group. And since Snipp is in charge of the group, a little collaboration may be in order.



Sheesh. You crazy kids.

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland

[snippygal]

Okay, so ... let me get this "straight":



You don't want I T and me to have a threesome ... right? Just collaborate - in the writing sense -- for the sake of --- literature. Am I understanding you? I T gets to have the threesome, but not me. Okay. Got it. Sometimes I get confused. One time in gradeschool my teacher asked me to write a report about "3's Company". Then my mom caught me in my room doing things I shouldn't be doing with my friends Jack and Chrissy.



Since then, I've always learned to double check.



--------------------

"He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died." - Mrs. White

[Tulipp]

Oh, I just can't get it right.



I just want to remind you, Snipp, that you're in charge here, so you can collaborate for the sake of lit or the sake of , um, something else, as long as IT agrees. Consensual literary relations or what have you. Heck, maybe Willow and Tara would be interested in a four-way dramatic reading. You and IT could visit their trailers and check out their new hairdos and stuff.



Okay, I'm giving myself a meta-headache now. And maybe I'll just butt out now. I'll be interested to see what happens.

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland

[AlteaThree]

Another great Bobby ep!

It's great!

"Bobby" is in top form!

It's still fresh and cool and super-duper funny!

But please please PLEASE do go on for another season, even if you have to have some sort of trasporter accident that gets Quark/Snyder back, and bring in a little cute baby, and washed-up actors. Because, I mean, isnt that the proper way to now end a TV show?

[MellindraX]

Oooh, this is starting to get really interesting ^^.



Oh, and I was very pleased to note that you remembered the golden rule. The only thing better than a 3 way is a 3 way with Willow and Tara!



Anyway, keep up the good work.

On the official Buffy board, freaked-out Willow lovers demanded that the plot be revealed as an evil spell, or that the two girls prove to be nothing more than really, really good friends. (Although some good-natured petitioners went in the other direction, demanding a "tasteful shower scene.") –Girls’ Night Out, Article on Nerve.com

[snippygal]

AlteaThree - I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. I’m thinking three or four more seasons. I’m already working on an outline. Let’s see, I’ve got Buffy and Xander getting married and having many, many children. And Willow’s cousin Oliver comes to visit just as the wacky neighbor moves in next door. And during sweeps I’ll have girls kissing --- girls. Scandalous!



MellindraX - ”Starting to get really interesting”? What the ...? Oh well. I guess I’ll take what I can get. I suppose since things are beginning to wind down it should finally get interesting. Oh, what fun, indeed!





-------------------

"He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died." - Mrs. White

Edited by: xita  at: 12/13/02 12:24:21 am

[xita]

Willow and Tara belong only with each other, both in fic and in your replies. Please keep it that way.



But feel free to have an orgy of kittens, I know I am all for it!

-------------------------------

Buffy?

Let's change it, the Discovery channel has koala bears.

[MellindraX]

I didn't mean that it wasn't interesting before! It's always been very with the interesting and the amusing, very very much so. Sorry about the bad wording-ness of the previous post, but coincidentaly when I was reading peoples' replies to your last addition I was also taking to a friend of mine reading some HP slash, and we were kind of already on the topic of orgies....

Yah, I know, everyone always tells me I have the most..."interesting"....friends. (Interesting in an interesting way! not in an extra special good fanfic way!!!)

Hmmm..... I just realized the more I type, the deeper the whole I dug gets. I think I should stop now......

On the official Buffy board, freaked-out Willow lovers demanded that the plot be revealed as an evil spell, or that the two girls prove to be nothing more than really, really good friends. (Although some good-natured petitioners went in the other direction, demanding a "tasteful shower scene.") –Girls’ Night Out, Article on Nerve.com

[Vampivy]

Oh my, oh my. You are a goddess. I bow down before the almighty Snippy. Actually I dropped a quarter, but given the chance I would have. Really I swear.



I haven’t laughed so hard in a long, long time. You make things all better. You’re too damn funny for your own good. Please don’t stop. Now, to be specific what exactly I found amusing about your story, well I can’t very well narrow it down to just one thing. So let’s just say all of it. Because hello, it’s all very funny. Anyway, I can’t thank you enough for putting this out there, and allowing me a chance to read it. I look forward to reading more. Yes I’m greedy that way.



Patty

[snippygal]

MellindraX - I got what you were saying before. Just trying to milk some more compliments out of you. *Milk milk milk* Is it working? You’re getting very sleepy ... when I count to three, you will forever believe that I am the funniest and most interesting person on the planet. You will print out “Bobby” and make all of your friends read it. 1 ... 2 ...3!



Vampivy - My mom used to say I was too damn funny for my own good, too. Actually, she said I was a bit of a smart ass. And then I would proudly smirk at her. And that’s when she started referring to me as “Your daughter” when she talked to my father. Hmm. Anyway, I can’t thank YOU enough for reading this and saying such nice things about it. Glad I could make all things better (although, I do have my doubts that that’s 100% true. And if it is -- then hell, I am a goddess!)



I’ll try to get an update by next week sometime. But I promise nothing. Except this:



There is a better chance of the world being hit by a meteor than there is of a person dying in a plane crash. So, let’s all take a moment to think about that.



Snipp

----------------------------------

"He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died." - Mrs. White

[Rosenberg]

Ah, Snippygal…I’ve just gotten back into Pens after a lengthy hiatus, and I’m finally catching up with this fic. I see how much I’ve missed, and I’m glad to be getting involved with it again. This story continues to crack me up with every episode I read. I liked your rendering of Buffy’s simplistic, mindless self-absorption and her non-sensible boots and impossible to afford leather jackets. Xander’s buffoonery and confusion over his sexual identity were nicely portrayed and I totally agree with the decision to send Dawn somewhere far away. I also thought the dance scene between Buffy and Spike was very funny.

        The part that I especially liked though was Spike’s visit to Detroit. I was ROTFL as I was reading that section. Oddly enough, I just so happened to be driving around John R and Canfield on Saturday. I didn’t see Spike or Berry Gordy, Jr. anywhere in the vicinity. I suppose that’s a good thing for Spike, because I would have staked his skanky butt if I had seen him, soul or no soul. I’m looking forward to reading the next installment which I hope will be posted soon.

[snippygal]

Thanks, Rosenberg! I happen to be cracked up at the moment, too, but we won't get into that. That's weird that you didn't see Spike ... I have this great scene coming up where Buffy kicks him in his jumblies so he goes back to Detroit and gets a job as a crossing guard. Did you hit any school zone while you were there? You would know if you saw him -- a little pile of dust with a hat and an orange sash on top.



----------------------

"He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died." - Mrs. White

[the vamp nurd]

:P



says it all

[Rosenberg]

Well Snippy, I hope that you’re cracked up and not on crack, although if you were, you could probably write for ME. There are plenty of houses in the John R - Canfield area that would be able to provide that service for you if need be.



You know, it’s kind of hard to see those crossing guards at night; the orange vests don’t really work all that well when it’s dark. So, it’s possible I may have dusted one without being aware of it. I’m assuming he would be working at night because, hello…vampire.

[Mrs Vertigo]

you could probably write for ME

Dude, that's seriously not nice of. Like, do you want the ME folks to get a heart attack? Snippy's original. And Funny. And a writer. That's a cruel thing to wave under a ME employee's nose.

[snippygal]

the vamp nurd - So, you’re laughing maniacally because you’re planning to beat me senseless with a rolling pin then whistle innocently while I thud to my death. I’m going to take that as a compliment.



Rosenberg - No, it would be daytime because that’s when the kids get out of school. And so, hence the pile of dust. Unless things work differently in Detroit.



Mrs Vertigo - I am the original, funny writer. I’m thinking of working on a new novel. How’s this sound for a beginning : “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ...” I don’t know. Too original?





Snipp

--------------------------------------

"He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died." - Mrs. White

[the vamp nurd]

actually it was 'in fic, .



The vamp nurd "OK you're a vampire - I'm a slayer and I want smoochies!" Willow in Why You?

[Rosenberg]

Rosenberg - No, it would be daytime because that’s when the kids get out of school. And so, hence the pile of dust. Unless things work differently in Detroit.



Nah, things work pretty much the same in Detroit. Except for the little vampire kids. They go to night school. I just brought up the whole daytime situation as a reference to the very astute point you made in the last episode:



“While out on her jog, Buffy runs into Spike, which is strange, considering the fact that its daylight and he’s a vampire.



“Spike! What are you doing out here? And undusty?”



Spike nods around to his little shaded area. It’s just as sunny as the everything else, but we’re apparently led to believe that this is enough nonsunlight to keep him in one piece.”



I like you acknowledging the fact that vampires are actually supposed to get dusty when they venture out into the sunlight, a fact ME tends to overlook at times.

[snippygal]

Title: Season 7

Author: snippygal

Rating: Regular font - PAX - PG/ Italics - Kitten-vision - R

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are property of Joss Whedon, ME, and Fox. The ideas expressed in this story are mine -- you can tell cuz they’re funny and lesbians don’t die.

Spoilers: Joss Whedon .. oh, you mean, ha ha. Not those kind of spoilers. Boy is my face red. Yes - Season 7 spoilers, of the fake kind.



* VERY IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!



NOTES: Before you enter the newest installment of “Bobby”, you have to ask yourself: “Has this not been an enjoyable experience?” “Have I not laughed with such gay abandon until tears or other fluids flowed freely from my body?” “Has Snipp not delivered every time?” The reason I say this is because something will be happening in these last few episodes that you all must prepare yourselves for, or if you want to get grammatically technical, for which you all must prepare yourselves. But if you have faith (mmm... Faith ...) than you can still completely enjoy this little tale and laugh along without consequences.



Besides, I’m well aware that I could easily overstay my welcome here if things get too crazed. And then I’ll end up with a deleted fic. And what fun is that for anyone? I say it’s no fun. In conclusion (boy, I’m long winded) I would like to quote Umberto Eco in a half-assed way: “This is parody’s mission: it must never be afraid of going too far.” With that, prepare to join me on this journey that goes a little too far. (But then, I suppose you already knew that.)



ADDITIONAL NOTE: My sincerest apologies to I T for her overly “omigod” voice. I can only assume she’s not a 15 year old girl with angry parents. I just figured it might be funnier than reality, as the case usually is.





“BUFFY” Episode 7.20 - “Seeing That Pinkish Mauve Not-Quite-Purple Color”



LAST TIME:



You know what? If you haven’t been paying attention this whole time, go back and read it again.



AND NOW:



From http://www.ggg.com:
 

“My Trip To Sunnydale”

by The Big IT

 

Greetings and salutations, GGGers!  I'm back from my trip to Sunnydale and I feel its my duty to report back in.  It all started 2 days ago when my parents forbade me to go to Sunnydale, even though I told them I would use my own money I'd saved babysitting.  They told me it was for college and I told them I wasn't going to college and to get off my back.  They said I would, by God, go to college and learn something useful and meet a nice man and get married.  I told them I liked girls and they blamed it on "that horrible show".  I could only assume they meant "Buffy".  It turns out they were talking about "Everybody Loves Raymond", but that goes back much further and I don't have the time to go into it.  They grounded me, so I snuck out of my room and hitched a ride with a motorcyclist named Bobo.  He took me all the way to Sunnydale.



I went right to Willow's trailer.  I figured they'd be there, since Willow seems to wear the pants in the relationship and she's probably all "Hey, Tara, come over here" and Tara's all "How come you never come over to my trailer" and then Willow's like "Because your trailer smells like cabbage" and Tara's all "That's the ointment for my bad back because I'm always carrying you to bed all Prince Charming-like" and then Willow feels bad, but Tara has already stopped caring because she just wants to have sex now and her trailer DOES smell like cabbage.  But I could be wrong about all that.  But then I find that I'm right because Willow answers the door in a bathrobe which (omigod) leaves little to the imagination.  I tell her who I am and that I won a contest.  She compliments me on my orange shoes and says she has a pair just like them in her closet. Then Tara, the great shaved-head goddess of light comes up behind Willow to see what's going on.  So then I tell HER who I am and that I won a contest and she smiles that smile and I nearly fall over and they both ask me what the contest was.

 

"I get to have sex with you two!"

 

They both just kinda look at me, a little flush in their cheeks and then politely ask me to leave.

 

But - silver lining - Bobo was hanging out at the Bronze and we hooked up and he gave me a ride back home.  We're pen pals now.  I think I'm bisexual.

 

Later GGGers!



--------------------------



Dawn sits on the couch. Her shoulders slump a little and she’s got that unattractive little pout on her face. The house is empty this morning. Buffy’s still out attempting to kill Anya. Xander’s still out attempting to kill Buffy. Willow and Tara are having sex. Giles is being the creepy old guy mothers warn their daughters about. And Dawn. Little Dawnie is all alone. Her bags are packed and sitting by the door. A horn honks outside. Dawn takes one last look, for a moment regretting her rebellion. But only for a moment, for no one ever really learns anything in Sunnydale. She lets out a huff.



“Fucking writers,” she grumbles as she grabs her bags and heads out the door.



--------------------------



Anya and Buffy lie panting on the ground. They’ve been fighting all night and its come to a draw. They’re naked too. There was no logical reason for them to take off their clothes, but they decided to do it anyway. Anya thought it would be sexy and Buffy -- well, Buffy just can’t keep her clothes on for too long, can she?



Throughout their fight, Anya had managed to give Buffy quite an attractive haircut. Buffy reaches down and feels the length of her hair.



“How’s my hair look?” she asks, gasping for air.



“Really cute,” Anya responds, pulling a mirror from her back pocket and holding it in front of Buffy.



Buffy ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ at her reflection.



“Ya know, Anya,” she says. “Maybe I won’t kill you.”



Anya stifles a laugh. “Umm, that’s very kind of you Buffy. Lucky for me, because, boy, you almost had me there,” she patronizes.



They both get off the floor and shake hands.



“Friends?” Buffy asks.



“Yeah, sure, whatever. Have you seen my bra?”



Buffy looks around while stealing a glance here and there at Anya’s boobs.



“Nope.”



Just then, Xander bursts through the door, smoking a little.



“Stop what you’re doing!!” Xander yells, afraid they’re killing each other.



Buffy and Anya look at him, back at each other, then at him again. (Oh yes, I’m shameless with the comedic staples.) His eyes widen at the sight of them both naked.



“Or ... keep doing what you’re doing,” he says with a sly perverted smile. Ah Xander. So original to create a male character so boyishly obsessed with the girl-on-girl action.



“Xander, we’re friends again,” Anya tells him, still angry with his penis.



“And what good friends you are.” He smiles wider.



Buffy looks at Xander, not bothering to cover up her own naked form.



“When did you start smoking?” she asks.



Xander looks confused, not to be mistaken with his normal look. Then he notices the last traces of smoke rising from his jacket.



“Oh, I already told you last night. I’m a vampire.”



He’s a little proud of this fact. Finally, he’s interesting. He knows Kung Foo. Probably. And he can ... do other stuff. He’s got the sharp pointy teeth and bumpy forehead and everyone will now fear him for all eternity.



“Xander, if you don’t want to admit to smoking, that’s fine. Just hide it better next time.”



“What? No! I’m a vampire!”



Buffy rolls her eyes as she squirms to get into her leather pants.



“I’ll show you!” he warns. He scrunches his face up and grunts a little. Nothing happens. “Come on, dammit!” More grunting and squinting. Again, nothing. “Come on!”



Anya scoffs. “This is all a little too familiar to me.”



Buffy laughs along with Anya.



--------------------------



Willow and Tara run into the Summers House.



“Dawnie?” Tara calls.



Willow follows Tara throughout the house calling for the teenager.



“I think she’s already gone, Tara.”



“Will, I knew we shouldn’t have played that last round of ‘Find the Chocolate’ this morning,” Tara says with teary eyes. “We’ve let Dawn down. She’s been sent away and no one was here to say goodbye. This is why she acts out the way she does and is so damn annoying.”



“Really?”



Tara nods.



“I just thought she was just whining to piss us all off.”



“No,” Tara says. “I think she needed an important mother figure. Joyce was okay, but she was always off doing God knows what at that art gallery of hers. You know what kind of people hang out there. When Buffy didn’t take an active role, I knew I had to. I mean, I am the most mature one here, by far.”



Willow nods in agreement. “But she’s gone, now. You don’t have to worry about her anymore.”



Tara sadly looks down.



“Hey!” Willow perks up. “I think there’s still some ice cream in the freezer. Wanna have sex in the kitchen and use it?”



Tara smiles brightly, Dawn forgotten.



“Okay!”



But before they can get to the sexual goodness, there is a knock at the door. When Tara answers it, a man thrusts several scripts in her hands.



“Here,” he says with a groan. “Pass these around to everyone when you see them.” And with that, he’s gone.



--------------------------



Back at Anya’s:



"Listen, Xander," Buffy says, still giggling.  "If you're really a vampire, you'd poof into dust if I did this ..."

 

And with that, Buffy plunges a stake into Xander's chest.  He wails in pain and dustifies before he hits the floor.  Buffy and Anya stand over his ashes and stare for a few moments, not saying anything, no expression on their faces.  Finally, Anya turns to Buffy.

 

"Say, Buffy."

 

Buffy turns to Anya.  "Yeah?"

 

"Even if Xander wasn't a vampire, wouldn't the stake through the heart have killed him anyway?"

 

Buffy thinks for a moment, twirling her hair with her fingers and shifting her weight from foot to foot.  "Hmm ... I didn't think about that.  I guess it's a good thing he was a vampire, then, huh?"

 

Anya nods.  "Wanna get naked again?"

 

Buffy's eyes light up, but then her face sinks.  "Can't.  I have to get home to see Dawn off.  I DON'T wanna miss that!"



---------------------

 

"Mr. Giles, could you report to my office, please?"

 

Giles raises his head to the PA system.  He looks around at the ever-growing stacks of books and shakes his head.

 

"Will I ever make it through all this literature?"

 

In Principal Johnson's Office:

 

Gile's enters the office, a bit cautious.  This is the first time in years he'd been called to the principal's office.

 

"Yes, Principal Johnson," Giles says, respectfully as he sits down, across from the large desk.

 

"Mr. Giles.  We have reason to believe that you have been engaging in inappropriate activities with not one, but eight different students at this school."

 

Giles coughs nervously and shifts in his chair.  "Yes.  Yes, right.  Inappropriate ... is this about ‘The Catcher in the Rye’?  Because when the students want to read, I should not be one to deny ..."

 

"Don't play coy, Mr. Giles.  We have signed confessions from all of the girls.  I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

 

Giles begins to protest, but realizes he can't.  He'd known all along that romancing young girls was wrong.  He was a sick man.  But those voices.  The hallucinations.

 

Giles lowered his head in shame and left the office.

 

--------------------------



Meanwhile in Yoder, a Midwestern Amish community:

 

The countryside is quiet.  Fresh-baked bread can be smelled for miles.  Farmland as far as the eye can see.  There is a barn-raising!  Three dozen men all sweat and grunt to raise the first section.  The women have dinner prepared and set out on several picnic tables.

 

Dawn sits on a log, dressed in plain black and white clothing, identical to everyone else.

 

"Sister Umad!  Come, Sister Umad!" one of the younger girls calls to her.  Dawn looks up.

 

The girl approaches her.  "How are you adjusting, Sister Umad?"

 

Dawn smiles.  "I feel like I'm home."  She grabs the girl's hand and they prance off to finish getting everything ready for the men.

 

"I swear to all things unholy," she thinks to herself in a huff.  "If I ever figure out this whole Key gig, I will blow up this entire commune and get my ass to Vegas."



--------------------------



Back at Casa Summers:



Buffy enters the house and slams the door.

 

"Dawn!  Dawn are you still here?"

 

"She's gone."

 

Buffy's head move to the voice.  It's a female voice she's never heard before, yet it's strangely familiar.  A woman steps out of the dining room.  Buffy looks at her.  She is considerably taller than Buffy, her shiny dark hair hangs over her broad shoulders.  Buffy looks into her eyes and sees something.  She ... knows her.  She's beautiful.  Buffy's taken aback by the sight of this ---

 

"Angel,"  Buffy says, getting it.  (By George, she's getting it!)

 

Angel smiles and moves closer.

 

"That's right, Buffy.  But I just go by 'Angel' now."

 

Buffy gives the audience a quick glance then turns back to the new woman.  "O - kay," she says.

 

Just as they're about to embrace and inevitably kiss, they hear a noise upstairs.

 

--------------------

 

Up in Joyce's old room, Willow and Tara lie naked under the covers.  They always have sex before reading a script.  It's become a tradition of sorts.  But then, they have sex before answering a ringing telephone, too.  It could just be a superstition thing.  Those crazy witches.

 

But these are not good happy sex times.  Sure, the sex was good.  All six times.  But now, now wrapped up in the scarlet sheets, lightly touching each other's hair and arms, reading their own script pages, something very bad is happening.

 

Tara sits straight up in bed, knocking Willow onto the floor.  Willow peeks her head over the side of the bed and looks up at Tara.

 

"Tara?  What is it, baby?"  When Willow says 'baby', it comes out more like "beeby" because she's worried and that's what she sounds like when she's worried.  It's a thing.

 

Tara can't speak.  Her breathing is erratic and hard.  She stares at the script pages in her hands.

 

Finally:

 

"I -- I can't believe it."

 

Willow crawls up onto the bed and looks at Tara.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

Tara glances at Willow with sad eyes, tears threatening to fall and stain her cheeks.

 

"Cancer."

 

Willow smiles and shakes her head.  "No, Aquarius.  And you're a Libra.  Oh, sweetie, you're not reading Cosmo again are you?  Because you know the astrological stuff in there doesn't really apply to two girls --"

 

"They're giving me cancer,"  Tara interrupts.

 

"Oh."

 

Tara drops her head to the hands twisting in her lap.  "I guess I am expendable."

 

-----------------------



An attractive young blonde sits on a carpeted set.  A single light shines on her as she speaks to the camera.

 

"Hi.  I'm Richard Thomas' daughter.  I played one of the eight girls in tonight's episode of 'Buffy'.  My part was cut for time and content, so you didn't actually see me.  But since my dad is Richard Thomas, the producers let me do this.

 

"The episode you've just seen is a work of fiction, but it deals with very real topics.  If you, or someone you know has been involved with a skanky old man, please call the help line at the bottom of your screen.  Also, to learn more about this, read 'I Took a Librarian Twice My Age To The Prom' by Judy Bloom and 'He Said To Call Me Daddy' by ... Richard ... Thomas.  Hmm.  Anyway, check out these and other books at your local library.  Thank you."

 

End of 7.20



---------------------

"He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died." - Mrs. White

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hey Snippy--Glad to see the update! A wonderful time was had by all (Mary wrote passively) or certainly by me, here by myself...I loved the image of Buffy and Anya fighting naked: nope, our li'l Buff'ster can't keep her clothes on for very long, can she? But just where did Anya pull the mirror out of, anyway? And doesn't the very question sound slightly naughty?



My favorite part was Anya informing Buffy that Xander would have been killed by a stake through the heart even if he weren't a vampire. Oh, yeah... I, for one, weep no tears over his very-timely departure.



Thanks for making an awful event bearable by defying the gods who brought this horror upon us in the first place.



Mary

Edited by: AntigoneUnbound at: 1/5/03 4:50:14 pm

[snippygal]

AntigoneUnbound - Well, you know, Anya’s a hairdresser now and she’s brunette again and so ... I’m guessing she has all these ... accessories. So even when she’s naked ... she can still pull a mirror out from her back pocket ... Yeah. That’s the ticket.



And you’re welcome. I enjoy defying gods.



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"Two? What do you mean you only opened two? ... Well, I can't figure out just two! So let's pretend you opened 200." - The Incompetent Math Teacher, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.

[Tulipp]

Here I am, here I am! Sorry, I got all distracted by the image of Buffy and Anya naked and wrestling, and the next thing you know, it's another day...



One of my favorite parts of this one was Dawn in her Amish clothes talking about hitting Vegas with her Key Self on. I loved that. You do such a kick-a*s Dawn (edited for Pax).



And I gotta hand it to Big IT or your ghostwriting of Big IT...that cracked me up, both the teenage tone especially Willow and Tara's incredulous and polite refusal.



But you are definitely ratcheting up the suspense.... Please make it turn out okay! Funny but okay! I mean, not okay in a mediocre sense but okay in an all's well in Willow and Tara land sense. Please? Please!



Thanks, Snipp. Love this story as I always do.

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland

[TromDeGrey]

*sigh* RL sucks. I've missed a couple of updates! Dawn in Amish country is just too too much! She's on the cover of some teen mag this week. Something about Prom, and now all I can see is her prancing into a Hollywood High dance dressed like a good little Amish girl. God, my sides hurt!!!

"The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it."

Chinese Proverb.

[gspiggott]

Oh Snippygal, the world is so much safer and saner with you in charge...

[AlteaThree]

Yet another kick-butt update! My jaw hurts from laughing!

And, as for the mirror, um, well, I mean, the clothes were on the floor...so I just thought she got it from those...

Loved the update!

BUT please bring back Xander! He was so damned pathetic, no Buffy story can be complete without him. He makes everyone else seem not pathetic.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Tara CAN NOT get cancer! NONONONONO! That's even worse than having her go out, with, like, Xander...

Angel, ahhh Angel, need I say more?

I love how you weave the story together, lots of W/T but also some really good funny breaks, like having a sorbet between meal courses or smelling coffee beans to clear the nose at a soap/perfume store!

[snippygal]

Tulipp - The Buffy/Anya thing will do that to anyone. I actually missed 3 days of work while writing this. I guess we’re all suckers for naked chicks wrestling. I can’t promise it won’t end up being mediocre, but I can say that all will end well.



TromDeGrey - I saw that magazine, too. My friend pointed it out to me. He’s a Buffy newbie and his favorite character is Dawn. But then, he also has severe psychological problems. Seriously. I think the two things are connected.



gspiggott - Well, I am thinking of going into politics.



AlteaThree - Yes, yes - she just grabbed it from the clothes on the floor! Thank you for reminding me of what was in my head at the time I was writing this. Yes! I know exactly what’s going on in my fic. I don’t think “Bobby” has ever been compared to sorbet or coffee beans, but I’ve always considered that to be the highest compliment. Thank you for fulfilling my dreams.



Thanks everyone. The greatest love of all is easy to achieve. Because you loved me. (I’m mixing up my “divas” aren’t I?)



Snipp



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"Two? What do you mean you only opened two? ... Well, I can't figure out just two! So let's pretend you opened 200." - The Incompetent Math Teacher, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.