Gods Served and Abandoned

[greenwitch]

ooooooooh! great twist! is tara a demon through her father' side? or maybe "demonyness" is a genetic trait and donnie got it but tara didn't? better yet, maybe it's sex-linked and women only get it if they have two recessive genes? wait, but that would mean that tara's mother was a carrier and tara's dad would have had nothing to do with donnie's "demonyness", so never mind. or maybe...nah... my mind is abuzz with the implications!



can't wait to see where you go with this!



greenwitch

[JustSkipIt]

Mary, I want to pay you and your writing a compliment: As someone who knows that my mother is dying slowly and perhaps more quickly... It hurt to read. That's how good it was. How good it is. Painfully good.



Debra

---

"War may be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary it is always evil." - President Jimmy Carter after receiving the Nobel Peace Prize

[Penrose Orleans]

Oh, Wonderful Mary--

Wow. This is some powerful stuff you've got happening here, and your twist threw out all of my suspicions (read: wild guesses) about what was in the box... ah, well, your surprise is probably better! The narration:

Quote:

---

Are you planning to shoot me, the evil lesbian witch? How cliched is that?

---

is absolutely brilliant! Love those underhanded ironies...

As per usual, the W/T exchange is just too cute, and I loved the way that even in their thoughts, Willow and Tara defended and complimented each other, not out of any obligation, but out of pure animalistic defensiveness, almost like self-defense (and I guess that, if you subscribe to the 'other half' theory of love, that's almost literally the case).



I feel like I could write a lot about the Tara/Mrs. Maclay deathbed scene, but that it would just be alternate phrasings of "What a moving piece of prose!", so I'll let your imagination fill that one in, so that I can devote meaty thought to....



DONNIE! I've thought about this character so much in reviews, I've almost come to feel a connection with him (oh, come one, I said almost! ) and this part was amazing- I felt like my nagging suspicion of Donnie's squishy soft center were encouraged with the teary-eyed Donnie... so confused and unable to handle the situation. In Donnie's eyes, would his mother even have wanted to see him at her side? Could they have reached across the barrier? For so long, Tara was the light of her mother's life (and that life was a very dark one) while Donnie represented everything his father encouraged and that his mother hated: mysoginism, insensitivity, the use of brute force. I found myself wondering if anyone is to blame for their distance, or if it was rendered inevitable by their situation.



Of course, I assure everyone again that this is not an excuse for violent action, but it again shows why Donnie behaves the way he does, giving us a peek into the advantaged position Tara had within the family even when she felt emotionally abused and neglected. At least in Donnie's eyes (and I think possibly in mine), the special love given by Mrs. Maclay (and therefore the gift of a confidence that transcends stutters and shyness, the confidence to get out) is worth a thousand times more than the freedom from the harshest of Mr. Maclay's words (but not, in fact, his belt). So let's recap:

Tara has inner knowledge of being loved for her soul, not just as a child.

She has enough confidence to escape her family's clutches.

But she is neglected by the rest of the family, must suffer Donnie's tormenting and resentment, and lives a generally hard life.

Donnie, on the other hand, is loved by his mother only through obligation (while seeing the perfect love she has for Tara and the special magic she teaches her).

He doesn't have to suffer from himself, which is a plus, but he does not escape his father's wrath.

Basically, his life sucks just as badly, except he hasn't escaped it, and has to live with the fact that Tara has. How's that for motivation (and how's that for writing talent)? This is extra-relevant for me because, in my opinion, Tara can never leave this episode of her life behind until she trulysees her family as something other than an all-powerful oppressive force-- as a group of human beings (there's that pesky theme again...) Anyway, here's to a great story! --Biyatch Nora

"No matter how much we scorn it, kitsch is an integral part of the human condition."-Milan Kundera

"The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else." -Umberto Eco

Edited by: Penrose Orleans at: 2/13/03 9:15:31 pm

[The Rose24]

Geez. This so sad.



Donnie. Will you please get lost!!!!!!!

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[hermitstull]

Amazing update!



The scene with Tara and her mother and Tara's thoughts about death, so, so true. I watched my grandmother slip away in much the same way over several years and you're right. Death can certainly take it's time, painful time, if it wants to.



And I know there's been a lot of discussion about Donnie, you've made him so complex. Yes, he's evil, and it looks like there's no clear reason (or is there?), but he seems to show little glimmers of real feelings now and then. Like him thinking about his mother's death.



And what a twist! I'm looking forward to hearing about Tara's demon dad.



hermitstull

"I was feared and worshiped across the mortal globe. At now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High. Mortal. Child. And I'm failing Math." Anya in Dopplegangland

[VampNo12]

Mary, my turn to say Wow... such an intriguing (as well as heart-breaking) update. You made Tara's feelings over the impending loss of her mother so palpable, and I especially liked how you captured the sense of decline with the images of her mother's hands. One get's a clear sense of her hands being in constant motion, where she exudes strength and vitality (she is full of life), but now those very same hands are cold and frail (the painful evidence that she is barely hanging on,... alive, but not truly living). What also resonated with me was the way Tara was fiercely gripping her mother's hands, by trying to infuse her with as much warmth as possible (ie trying to keep the coldness at bay, in a sense wanting to block the reality of the situation).



And wow (your writing really brings out the wow's in me ), you captured the nature (reality) of death so heartbreakingly with the lines, ("Death was a thoughtless intruder who showed up whenever he felt like it; came in and ambled around your house, breaking everything you held precious and left abruptly, only to return just as capriciously. Death took his time and made himself at home and stole the person bit by bit. Death didn't care about your feelings and he didn't care about your beloved's dignity and he didn't care about poignant moments of farewell. Death didn't answer to you; Death was oblivious to you."). I found these images conveyed quite well the sense that the process isn't quick or "clean", but rather ebbs slowly (where the needs "answered" are the one's to the disease/illness itself, while the patient and their family are the one's suffering, paying a painful "price").



As I try to understand more fully the inner-workings of Donnie's mind, I found him pondering "Did he love his mother?", especially when taken into context with him thinking, ("She would have loved Tara even if they weren't related. His mother loved him, he suspected, because she was his mother.") quite illuminating. In Donnie's eyes (he "sees") the "love" directed at him was out of obligation/duty (based on the mere fact that he was her son). Thus, she was just "going through the motions", where there was no depth behind the feeling (it felt muted and dull). By the same token he can painfully see what he was denied... the depth of feeling (love) she holds for Tara, is "vibrant" and expressive (it wraps around Tara like a blanket that exudes comfort, warmth, and safety).



Really I do feel for Donnie, it must be quite painful to be "slapped in the face" constantly with the harsh truth (or what he believes to be the truth) that his "precious" sister is "special" (deemed worthy) while feeling that he is loathed at worst, tolerated at best. Thus, I think Donnie at this point feels "defeated" that he will never measure up to Tara in his mother's eyes no matter what he does, so why even bother. Although what I find striking is that he may avoid his mother by spending as little time as possible with her (as opposed to Tara's constant vigil), but he still wants (needs) to know if she uttered anything in one of her more lucid moments. Here I get the sense of the "lost" boy (which I'm sure he considers a weakness) underneath the hardened man. In other words, he may lash out in anger, bitterness, and hurt, but there is still a part of him looking for any hint that she asked about him (an indication that he has her approval, her love).



Lastly, Donnie is playing a twisted game with Tara, where in his mind "winning" means being able to savor Tara's pain, thus he needs to be the one in control. However, his facade (cool demeanor) is penetrated for a moment when Tara says, ("I think your jealous, Donnie, because I have a better looking-girlfriend than you'll ever have."). Here Tara "hit a nerve" (touched on his insecurities by making him feel "small", lesser), and therefore, he responds instinctively by lashing out, saying, "....you're nothin' but a fuckin freak", (his way of restoring his "power", being the one in charge). As for twist at the end, (I so didn't see that coming), and I can't wait to see what implications this disclosure has on the present (not to mention what impact this will have on how we "see" their actions in the past)!



And yes, we "should all take care of our briefs" ! Semester is going well, thanks. Although I spent most of the night studying, (I'm sick of thinking about Judicial Review), so it's good to get a break (your story provides a much needed diversion ).



Vicki

Edited by: VampNo12  at: 2/14/03 4:23:54 pm

[Grimaldi]

loved the update



Tara looking at her mother's hands and remebering all of the good times was sweet. i actually felt a little sorry for Donnie when he was looking at his dying mother and wondering if she loved him.



so Tara's dad is the demon? or is this just another of Donnie's twisted mind games on Tara?

You can't just go declaring shenanigans on innocent people, that's how wars get started!
I'm not stealing, I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
Did you just say the 'F' word?

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-



Mary, I'm uneasy about the opening scene. I've seen it a hundred times at my work. Death on TV doesn't stink, or drag on for weeks, or shred the hearts around it. You captured it, down to the doubts and fears as people try to fix a generation of problems in the last days. In this I actually feel sorry for Donnie. I hope the truck that runs over him is fast and he doesn't feel a lot of pain.



If that sounds harsh it's because the little bleep has used the one thing that will get to Tara on a so many levels. She can't step away from this now. But then, I don't know if Donnie realizes what he's unleashing either. He's not just going to get Tara.



He's getting her family whether Tara wants it or even knows it or not.



Thank you very much for this work.



Jixer

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hey Kittens~~



Thanks for the great feedback. I'm heading out of town for the weekend and won't have access to the internet, but I'll post individual replies when I return on Monday. The next update will probably be Tuesday.



Thanks again, and have a great week-end.



Mary

[Patches]

Your Magesty!



Many bows from your humble subject! Just wanted to buzz in and say, yet again, another wonderful update. Though, have you ever considered giving a hanky warning - holy with the emotional. Good Lord, that touched my heart! Perhaps I'll be able to read the whole thing without balling my eyes out (one day). More later, promise.

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[deixs]

WOW!!!

Didn't see that coming....

Great update!



Stef

Willow: Hey, clothes!

Tara: Better not get used to 'em.

Willow: Yes ma'm

[Grimlock72]

I'm all for forgetting about daddy actually, and Donnie, and Beth..



We've already established that there's no demon in Tara (not her mother), so what does it matter if daddy is a demon ? Obviously that didn't transfer to Tara, so how *does* Donnie plan to scare Tara ? Probably familly related papers or such, but how would those hurt Tara, leave alone convince her to come back ?



I liked Tara responding to Donnie like that, no longer the shy little girl who is easily shoved around. Probably helps that her girlfriend is standing next to her, magic self-confidence boost, heh I can so easily agree with Willow statement about 'almost want you try' to Donnie, and Donnie being utterly clueless about it all At least he was smart enough not to really try anything, I recommend him to open that box slowly and take whatever is in there out verrry slowly too.



As far as Donnie's motivation goes, I really don't feel sorry for him. I'll buy into him believing his mother loves him less then his younger sister and being angry due to that. But he's not making an effort to turn his life around now is he ? He merely wallows in the misery that is his life. I would like to know Nathan's thoughts on the Donnie/mother relation and what went wrong in it.



I esp. like this line from Tara, I soooo agree with that;

Quote:

---

I'm sorry you were too busy being pissed off at the world to recognize it

---

Donnie's prime motivation is jealousy and spite, he could just as easily go back home and try to make something of his own life. But nooo, he prefers to wreck other people's lives. Someone to put him back in his place and I think talking ain't gonna do it (though Tara tried).



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 2/15/03 10:22:59 am

[Tulipp]

Great, as always--both these latest chapters. I find, although perhaps I am not supposed to feel this way, that as awful as Donnie is, I find myself almost sympathizing with him when you show us the relationship between Tara and her mother through his perspective.



Maybe it's a chicken-and-egg situation: did Tara's mother really love her daughter more, perhaps seeing in her a friend and ally in a household where (de)men were a kind of enemy? Or did Tara's mother grow to love Tara more after realizing that in her son she had only a cold, cruel, angry kid?



Either way, I so appreciate seeing this aspect of Tara's mother; it's funny how she, like Tara herself, is a character often granted Sainthood Without Question, but everyone is human, even the ones who think they're demons, right? And humans...all of us...make mistakes.



Excellent nuances of characterization, as always, and--oh yes--I do love the Scooby interactions, too. Always very well done.

"Just call me the computer whisperer."-- Willow

[stereo33]

Hi Mary - Just finished parts 11 & 12. Anya charging Dawn for the soda was great (and even though prompted by Willow) I'm sure Anya felt much happier getting her dollar.



Dawn's crush is cute and I love how Tara seems to be the only one who knows the right

thing to say . I also like how we see Tara telling Willow more about her family background as that is obviously something Willow would want to know more about (good or bad), and something we only saw a little bit of on screen.



Beth's support was interesting now she thinks she's got her feet under the table. However, if she's happy keeping house for Uncle Nathan and Donnie and is obviously doing everything she can to keep Tara away - I can't help but wonder what her life must have been like before?



Part 12 was very touching to read as others have already commented on. Too many people can relate to watching someone they love fade away, and although it was quite difficult to read, I think you wrote it very well - you even got me feeling sorry for Donnie (but only for a second mind you).



Can't wait to find out more about Tara's Dad (didn't see that one coming), and also finally finding out what's in the box - not sure I want to know now

Thanks

Karen

[Sister Bertrille]

I know, I know! Gwyneth Paltrow’s head!



So Nathan may be demon? Next thing you’ll be telling is that “he was pretty quiet, kept to himself, never really bothered anybody!”



I’m of two minds on Tara’s next course of action. On the one hand, why should she believe anything Donnie shows or tells her? Why is she even talking to him? I would imagine from your wonderfully nuanced descriptions of their earlier interactions that deception is one of Donnie’s favorite Tools to Torture Tara. You have also shown that it is his cunning, not his physical strength, that makes him so frightening (that and his razor stubble of death – “This week, on CSI…!). So the cop’s daughter that I am roots for Tara to develop a major case of the suspicions, along with an acute outbreak of the “Talk to the hand, Donnies.”



But Tara is not a suspicious person, and Tara does care, about others and about Nathan, or perhaps more accurately, about the man who is her father. How does a post-Family Tara deal with the knowledge that her father (and brother?) may be part-demon? Is it something she can eventually shrug off?



And I add my somewhat hoarse voice to all those complimenting your deathbed scene. A well-deserved... hand!



SB

[AntigoneUnbound]

Kittens: Here are the individual feedback responses. I had meant to post an update tonight, but I’m sick. Everything aches, including my pupils and my cuticles. As my father the farmer used to say, if I were a horse they’d shoot me. I do have the update etched out pretty clearly in my own mind, so I’ll be posting it tomorrow (Wednesday). Sorry for the delay in both the update and these responses.



Again, a lot of folks are weighing in on Donnie and his ultimate capacity for redemption and his sympathy as a character. It’s clear no one wants to get to know him up close and personal, but a lot of folks are asking very interesting questions re: the origin of his bitterness relative (no pun intended) to his mother’s obvious preference for Tara.



Thanks again to everyone who’s reading this. I appreciate your time and insight.



Molsongrrrl: Glad the twist caught you off-guard; it was supposed to! Hope you enjoy the rest of the story, and thanks for writing.



DarkMagicWillow: Writing the first scene of this update was more than a little difficult for me, but it felt important to do. A lot of folks have talked about their own experiences with such loss; I hope I’m treating this with the respect it deserves. You ask a question that a lot of people have about Donnie and his mother’s love: why her obvious preference for Tara? Glad you liked the twist! Thanks for following and offering such good feedback, DMW.



Greenwitch: I love your idea of demon-ness as a sex-linked trait! I hope you like where I take all of this. Again, I’m glad you came out of lurker mode! I spent a long time there myself before summoning the courage to post anything. I really enjoy seeing your comments and ideas. Thanks!



Debra: It sounds like there’s more than a little loss going on for you right now. I hope you’re doing well and getting the help you need. I also hope that scenes like these feel honest to you, and not manipulative or exploitative. Thanks for taking the time to follow this story and send such consistently good and thoughtful feedback.



Nora, Bitch o’ My Heart: Glad you liked the irony! God, it kills me (so to speak) to see how ME treats the few minority characters it’s ever had: they killed off Tara, Larry, and Kendra. And now they’ve decided that they can cram seven years’ worth of diversity into one last season by bringing together some SIT’s of different origins? Sure…rings true to me! I get a kick out of writing the W/T scenes and the group scenes—they’re just fun, you know?



You know, I think you nailed a very important consideration in this story with your question: "Would [Donnie’s] mother even have wanted to see him at her side?" I totally get your clarity that Donnie has no excuse for his violent action, but there’s something here (as I imagine this family) that just feels so infinitely sad to me. Was there, as you pointed out, something almost inevitable about the evolution of all of this? I think kids are incredibly observant w/ re: to how the important grown-ups in their lives feel about them: who just flat-out adores them; who seems (for whatever reason) to barely tolerate them; who tries to act loving but can’t quite hide the obligation factor in that love. I realized early on in my professional development that I simply couldn’t be a child psychologist: my heart would break every damn day. There are so many kids who, through no fault of their own, don’t look up into adults’ eyes and see utter delight there. It’s just excruciating to witness.



And Nora, your pesky theme is my pesky theme: people have this annoying habit of proving too complex to be easily dismissed or demonized. You’re right: Tara will have to see her family more fully in order to move on.



Thanks so much for reading this, Nora, and for taking the time to write such incredible feedback. You rock! Yo’ ho’, Mary.



Rose: Yeah, it’s definitely sad, but I promise I’ll take good care of our girls! Thanks for writing.



Hermitstull: Yes, it’s painful beyond words to lose someone we love in such slow, wrenching fashion. Death doesn’t really care much at all about what we want, does it? I’m glad Donnie feels like a character w/ some complexity to you. He’s very interesting to write, that’s for sure. Half the time, I don’t even know what he’s gonna do. (Not sure if I should admit that so openly…) Thanks for writing! Hope you enjoy what I do w/ the twist.



Saint Vicki, Patron Saint of Briefs: You know, the hands image came very powerfully to me. I remember being almost unable to look away from my father’s hands at his funeral—this farmer who had moved such mountains throughout his life, now with his hands forever stilled. It just seemed so absolutely impossible. Yes, Tara’s trying to keep the warmth in her mother’s hands both literally and figuratively, and in so doing, keep that warmth in her own life. She’s terrified of the barren, frozen world that awaits her after her mother leaves.



And yes, I think death is utterly indifferent to a species that’s so fascinated with it. We have all these rituals, beliefs, Herculean attempts—and death just pretty much walks in when he wants to.



You’re very, very observant where Donnie’s concerned. Yes, he literally saw how his mother loved Tara and then it was clearly not a matter of her being unable to love anyone deeply: she didn’t love him deeply, at least not in ways that he could recognize. That begs the question: from whence sprang the original disconnection? Was there something about him that she pulled back from, even if she didn’t want or mean to? What could cause such a thing? Or was it an ever-worsening case of self-perpetuation? I love your image of the lost boy beneath the hardened man, and the disdain with which the latter regards the former. So very sad, isn’t it?



Yes, Tara definitely hit a nerve when she implied his inferiority in this realm of life (and by extension, practically every other realm as well). The worst thing you can do to Donnie is to insinuate that he’s nothing—this is a person who eventually settled for scaring his mother b/c at least it was some kind of visceral reaction to him.



As always, Vicki, your feedback is just so observant and on-target. I always read over your ideas 2-3 times because they spark my own thought process in a helpful way. I hope the Judicial Review review (as it were) went well. Thanks again, and take care.



Grimaldi: I think a lot of people felt some sympathy for Donnie, esp. when they read his perspective. And the demon revelation—legitimate, or twisted ploy? Tune in tomorrow…No, really. Thanks for writing, Grimaldi.



Jixer: Sounds like you have a lot of experience on which to draw when you contemplate how death insinuates itself into our lives. Yes, I’ve seen people try to fix "a generation of problems in the last days," as you very astutely put it. Never really works, does it? I totally get the "I want Donnie dealt with, but maybe not actually eviscerated" reaction. You’re right: he steps over a very clear line (and has done so numerous times in the past, esp. w/ his abuse of Tara) in using what he anticipates will hurt her the most. You’re also right, though, in him getting more than he’s bargained for: her entire real family. Thanks for writing, Jixer; I appreciate the insights and support.



Patches: At the risk of sounding like a complete sadist, I’m glad that these scenes hit you emotionally. That’s what I’m trying to do! But I promise that our girls will be OK, and that all hankies used will have given their lives in service to a higher purpose. How are things going for your fic? I’m enjoying it! Thanks for writing, Patches!



Stef: Ah, the plot twist worked! Glad to catch you off-guard! Thanks for following this story and sending feedback.



Grimmie: Yes, what exactly does Donnie have in mind? He was there at the Magic Box; he saw what happened when Spike hit Tara. So why does he think that he now has new leverage? And why is the writer of this story asking all of the questions that she’s supposed to be answering? All will be revealed in its time, good Grimlock. Yes, Willow has zero-tolerance for anyone messing with Tara, especially someone whom she knows has hurt her so badly in the past. I definitely see Willow as almost wishing Donnie would instigate something just so that she wouldn’t have to hold back anymore; she could bust out a can of Wiccan Whup-Ass without looking back. Thanks for reading and taking the time to write.



Tulipp: I’m with you in wondering about the stimulus/response nature of Donnie’s relationship w/ his mother. Loved your reference to "(de)men," as well. I agree that both Maclay women are easily seen as long-suffering martyrs, one of whom emerged triumphant (until another twisted fuck got hold of her); this, though, costs them their humanity and their right to make mistakes. One of my favorite writers in psychology says that every child deserves to have someone in his/her life who thinks he/she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Tara got that from her mother; Donnie didn’t. Obviously, Nathan Maclay has a lot to answer for. How much did he see the imbalance? Did he think at all to address it? Did he believe that he was, in his own (blindingly dysfunctional) way, rectifying that imbalance by showing more attention to Donnie (including the negative kind)? Thanks for writing, Tulipp. You always make me think in new and helpful ways.



Karen: You’re absolutely right: Anya felt much better after she got the money for the soda! That felt normal to her! I’m with you—I always wanted to see more of Tara’s family background on the show; I wanted to see more of Willow’s, for that matter. And oh, you’re dead-on about Beth: what must her life have been like for her to see Uncle Nathan as her savior? Whoa…I think it’s kind of like choosing one demon over another: Nathan is the demon of control and rigidity, and for Beth, whose own family has been so fraught with instability and upheaval, that seems wonderful. Be careful what you wish for, though…Thanks for writing, Karen. Hope you like where this goes.



Sister Bertrille: Ah, you were so close with the "Gwyneth Paltrow’s head" guess. Actually, it’s her uvula. (No, not as visually arresting; it’s just fun to write "uvula.") I like your line of questioning re: Donnie’s true weapons: at some level, he knows he would be defeated in a physical contest, so he employs his cunning. (As you mentioned in an earlier response, Goddess forbid he devote that mental dexterity to any worthy ends.) I also like your speculation about Tara’s paternity. So many questions…I guess I really should try to find some answers, huh? Thanks for writing, SB—I always love seeing your name on the thread. If I may ask, do you ever read "The Onion"? You sound like someone who would appreciate it.



OK—that updates the response. Again, I’ll have a posting tomorrow. Thanks for your patience.



Mary

[Bagheera]

Mary,



Get well soon.



Kind regards,



B.

"I am a girl. I am nice. I can play. I can jump. I can sleep." My daughter's first essay (aged 5)

[AntigoneUnbound]

Gods Served and Abandoned

Note: This is the first of a two-part chapter. The second part will be posted tomorrow. I typed part of this while doped up on flu meds—a not unpleasant experience, but one which lends itself to a certain amount of unpredictability with regard to plot turns. Thus, if it turns out that I wrote a sex scene between Donnie and Giles, please forgive me. Enjoy it for what it is, but forgive me.

I also shift scenes at least once. Before hurling anything at your computer, read on. I promise I wasn’t trying to jerk you around.

OK—Thanks as ever for the support.

Disclaimers:
Me? I don’t own nothin’. Stop looking; you won’t find anything.

Spoilers:
Up to season 5. I’ve played slightly with the timing of a certain Big Bad’s appearance, with some implications for Dawn’s entrance.

Rating:
R for now; if it changes, I’ll give heads-up.

Distribution:
Sure, with acknowledgement.

Feedback:
Even more sure! Bring it on!


*****
Part 13a
*****


Later, Willow would look back on the conversation and wonder if she could have done anything to change how it all turned out. As it was, she felt as if she were watching everything unfold in slow motion, her growing dread at the idea of what awaited them at the bottom of this spiral only heightened by the time it took them to reach it.

As Tara stared at her brother with a mixture of scorn and distrust, Donnie rocked back on his heels and smiled his oily smile. "Care to take this inside where we can have some privacy?" he asked with exaggerated politeness, emphasizing the last word with a suggestive leer.

After a moment’s hesitation, Tara squared her shoulders. "Let’s get this over with," she muttered, keying into the building. The three of them walked in silence along the hallway and up the stairs, Tara’s hand never releasing its hold on Willow’s. When she unlocked the door to her room, Donnie brushed past them and walked in, turning around slowly as he took everything in.

"Nice little set-up you got here, Sis," he said admiringly. "Look at all these candles and magic books and crystals all over the place." He looked up from his perusal and gave them a wide grin. "It’s a lot fancier’n your room back home, ain’t it?"

"This isn’t a social call, Donnie." Willow had never heard Tara’s voice sound so cold. "What’s in the box? What does Daddy have to do with this?"

"Oh, so now you’re all ears, huh? Now you wanna hear what I got to say. Aren’t you even gonna offer me something to drink? Maybe a little hug from the both of you to make me feel welcome?" He looked at Willow as he said this, and took a tiny step toward her as he began to extend his arms.

"Touch her and I set you on fire," Tara said, raising her left hand slightly. Gone was any trace of her stutter, and only someone who knew Tara as well as Willow could have recognized that she was trembling inside.

Donnie stopped, cocking his head to one side like a homeless dog sniffing for carrion. After a moment, he dropped his arms and shrugged with mock remorse. "OK, I guess this won’t be like one of those talk shows, where everybody kisses and makes up. Fine with me." He plopped down on the edge of Tara’s bed, and Willow made a mental note to wash the comforter after he left.

Tara took a seat in the small study chair, Willow perched beside her on the edge of the desk. Willow watched with a mixture of dread and overpowering curiosity as Donnie unhurriedly took out a small key and unlocked the box. Willow could feel Tara stiffen as Donnie’s fingers rested lightly on the gray metal lid. Part of her actually feared that Donnie was going to pull out a gun, or do something else violent and abrupt. Instead, he looked up and grinned at them.

"You know what they say, Tara—old sins cast long shadows." He eased the lid up and back, edging the box toward them slowly until they could see what rested within.

*****

Cold Springs, normally so sunny and pleasant at this time of year, had been hit with a freak heavy rainfall on the morning of Julia Maclay’s funeral. By noon it was gone, but it made for quiet conversation among the mourners that gathered at the cemetery after the church service. It was as if the heavens recognized one girl’s loss in the midst of their own gain, and they wept rare tears at the injustice.

She had died without sound or fury, late one evening when her husband was out milking and her son was helping him and her daughter had drifted off into a brief, halting sleep filled with fragments of dreams and the smells of sickness and herbs. As befit her character, she died when it was least inconvenient or painful to those around her.

At first, Tara reproached herself bitterly for falling asleep. I was supposed to hold on, Mama. I let go, and you left. I’m so sorry, Mama. I told myself I wouldn’t let gobut I did.

But then she realized that perhaps it hadn’t been such a cruel coincidence after all. Perhaps her mother had died exactly when she planned to, sparing Tara the necessity of watching her draw her last breath. As it was, Tara snapped back to wakefulness to find her mother looking more peaceful than she had in months. Tara was seventeen and had never seen a living thing die before—surprising, really, for someone who lived on a farm—but she knew instantly that her mother was dead. She went through the motions of checking for a pulse and listening for some lingering, obstinate breath, but she knew before any tangible corroboration that the fight was over. And she knew she was alone.

Donnie stood beside her at the gravesite, looking equal parts lost and defiant. Her father watched with blank eyes as the minister concluded his words of would-be comfort.

"For verily I say, that whosoever believeth in me shall not die, but have everlasting life," Reverend Timson informed them in his sorrowful voice.

Did you know Mama thought you were a droning, narrow-minded hypocrite? Probably not. She was too gracious to let it show.

She found herself staring at the clenching along her father’s jaw line. He seemed so angry; so incredibly angry at everyone, including his late wife. Did he think she had done this on purpose? His eyes were bloodshot and vacant, and he had barely spoken to either of his children that day or at the viewing the night before. Tara had helped him pick out her mother’s clothes and casket. She had ironed his one good suit, and Donnie’s as well. She had answered the phone and received the visitors bearing casseroles and sandwiches and throughout it all, she wished that her father would speak.

Donnie was silent too, and for this Tara didn’t know whether to be grateful or afraid. All she really knew for certain was that her mother had run into a force stronger than her own considerable will, and now everything was different.

*****

"Go ahead, take a look. It won’t bite." Tara heard Donnie’s voice as if from some great distance.

Inside the box lay nothing so dramatic as a gun, or a human heart, or any other shocking sight. The contents were unremarkable indeed: a small reddish stone, no bigger than an infant’s fist; and a plain white business envelope.

Tara suspected that her own face held the kind of confusion that she now saw on Willow’s.

"Is this some kind of joke?" she asked harshly.

"’Fraid not, Sis. Read the letter." Donnie’s voice held gloating, and anticipation.

Tara stared at her brother for a long moment, and then pulled the envelope out of the box. She saw on the outside the following written in her father’s dark, spare handwriting:


To be opened by my wife, Julia Maclay, in the event that I precede her in death.
Nathan Maclay


Tara pulled a single sheet of yellow legal paper out of the already-unsealed envelope. The letter was dated the 28th of February, 1978.

I don’t want to read this. I don’t want to be related to either of these men. Mama? What’s happening?

Drawing a deep breath, she looked at Willow once for comfort, and then lowered her eyes to the page.


Dear Julia,

If you’re reading this, it means that I’ve died before you. You have to believe me that I want it this way, because it means that I don’t have to keep going in this life without you beside me.

Tara found suddenly that she couldn’t read anymore at the moment because the words were dancing crazily on the paper. Oh, Daddy…you really loved her, didn’t you? Why did you try so hard to act like you didn’t? She shook her head quickly, and felt Willow squeeze her shoulder reassuringly.

I need to tell you something that I should have told you many years ago. There is no demon in you. There never has been.

The demon is in me. It comes from my father. He could hide his demon aspect when he wanted to. My mother had no idea who she had married until twelve years after the wedding. She saw him one day, by accident, when he thought that she had gone into town for the day. I remember it like it happened yesterday: she came to get me at school, and we drove off with two suitcases and the little bit of money that she had in the bank. He didn’t even know that she had seen him.

I was 10 years old at the time, and Mother didn’t tell me why we had left until I was 18. At first, she said he was cheating on her but that never rang true to me. I’ll always believe that he loved her. I never saw my father again. I don’t know if he’s alive or dead. Mother never really recovered.

When I was 18, she told me the truth. I had always felt different, like there was some strange part down inside me that was pushing to get out. I’m not very good at describing how I feel, so I don’t know if this makes any sense to you or not. It never came out or hurt anyone, but I always remembered what it cost my father when his wife found out who he really was.

When I met you in the drug store that day, I knew I had to find a way to meet you. I never told you that I dropped my umbrella on purpose, just to catch your attention. After you agreed to meet me that weekend for a movie, I spent the next three days wondering what to wear, which was funny because I only had three decent shirts. I fell for you so hard, Julia, and in the back of my mind all I could think about was what Mother did after she found out about my father. I was so scared to lose you.

So I didn’t tell you I was part demon, which is bad enough, I know. But I was also so scared that I lied to you and told you that you had demon in you. I thought it would keep you bound to me, if you thought that you had some sickness only I could help you with. I’m not even sure how I did it. I just found myself saying the words and then I felt this kind of dizziness rising up in me, until it felt like I was only half there. And I could tell you believed me. You had this strange, faraway look in your eyes. Maybe that was the demon part of me. I don’t know. But it scared me to feel that way, like I’d been drinking cheap whisky, one shot after another. I never tried to do it again, I swear. But I made you believe that you had demon in you, and that any girls we would have would also be part demon. Our children will have demon blood in them, but I swear I’ll watch for it. If I see anything, I’ll tell you everything, I promise.

I don’t know if you can forgive me for this, but I just couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. Now that I’m gone, I want you to know the truth. You’re a free woman now, Julia. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.

I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but the best thing I ever did was marrying you.

Your loving husband,
Nathan


Tara sat back, scarcely feeling the paper between her fingers. Willow was looking at her questioningly, and without speaking Tara handed the letter to her beloved. In a matter of seconds, she heard Willow’s whispered "Oh my God." For her part, Tara was beyond speaking.

It’s not over. It’ll never be over.


*****

To be continued

[Sela]

What is a demon anyway? I think you do a marvelous job at presenting that question to us. Is a demon this "mythical" creature hell bent on inflicting harm on the humans it comes in contact with? Or is a demon the ugly, hateful, angry parts of us that can consume us and make us act inhuman? The analytical part of me can't help but read more into this new development and in particular, Nathan's letter to Julia. Sure, it would be so easy to blame his actions on this inherited demonic affliction, but is that entirely accurate? Couldn't it be that this demon thing is just another excuse for his abominable behavior? Just as Nathan lied to his wife about her demond side, could not have he been lied to as well? I don't know. I might be reading more into it than I should, but I just can't accept that demon automatically equals evil. It's another label, after all. And do labels really define who we are as people? It doesn't in Tara's case, if in fact she is a demon. She's kind, compassionate, loving and patient. That in itself defies the demon label. Her capacity to love far exceeds any genetic trait. She is nothing like her father, she is nothing like her brother, and she is nothing like her cousin. Demon though she may be, she is most certainly not evil. I'll leave that particular adjective for her "family."



I can't even begin to tell you how much I despise Donnie. He's so full of hatred and self-loathing that it actually hurts to read his thoughts sometimes. He's a broken man with no ambition, no drive, and no real desires. He's just there. And it pains him to know that Tara is doing something with herself, that she's actually experiencing things that he will never be able to feel. Where Tara's life is full of possibilities, his is full of predictability. And it galls him to know that. But rather than trying to find a way out of his predicament, he wastes his energy trying to ruin Tara's life, thereby unwittingly contributing to his own misery. What a shame.



I also love these little glimpses into madness, happiness, and sadness. You do the push-pull thing oh so well. And you make me think about what I'm reading. There's so much going on with your language--it's so rich and layered. I'll often read parts over and over again just to get a better handle on it all.



As a reader, I want to be taken into new and unexpected directions. I want to be surprised, shocked even, but always rewarded. And I always feel that with each new part you bring to us, there is a payoff, be it good or bad. Ultimately, though, I know that somehow, someway it will all be alright. And knowing that is comforting. You take such care with our two favorite witches. You write them with so much affection that everytime I read a new part with them, I fall in love all over again. Thanks.



--Sela

[The Rose24]

WOW. Quite a twist. I don't know whether to cry or be even angrier.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[Bagheera]

Mary,



It's a neat twist, and an interesting idea, but I'm suddenly feeling very relaxed about this. I'm assuming that Spike still bopped Tara in the nose before this story began, and that his chip went off, ergo Tara is still demon-free.



Which leaves Donnie - who, if the letter is true, is part demon. Well, that sure explains a lot. But how can he harm Tara or Willow? Physically? He hasn't got a hope, unless he morphs into something large and slavering in true midnight movie fashion. But even then, he'll be reduced to his component parts before you can say "Redneck Wonderland". Just sod off back to Cold Springs, Donnie, before you get terminally damaged. Oh, and one other thing: was the TV show Angela Anaconda the inspiration for naming the Maclays' hometown? AA lives in a place called Tapwater Springs; tapwater is cold, therefore we have: Cold Springs. Simple, really.



But if I can be serious: it's all metaphor isn't it? There are no such things as demons, it's about how we see ourselves. Nathan believed there was something bad inside him, so he behaved as though that was the case. Donnie appears to feel the same way; otherwise why would he behave like such a scumbag? Clearly, there was a lack of proper counselling services back in Cold Springs.

"I am a girl. I am nice. I can play. I can jump. I can sleep." My daughter's first essay (aged 5)

[hush30]

Hi Mary,



Wow that update explains a lot about Tara's dad Nothing is ever as straight forward as it seems is it? So that's why he's been such a miserable bastard all these years....fear and guilt. Guilt about lying to Julia about having demon in her and fear that if she ever found out the truth she'd leave him. So is that why Donnie is such a pain, he's the one who inherited the demon part from his father and not Tara? Do we know when Donnie first found the letter? (sorry if you've already mentioned this but I can't recall reading about it). I really don't know why Donnie is so smug about this revelation as we know Tara's not the one with Demon in her. Is it just that he thinks Tara will be devastated by the news? I can actually see Tara handling the news really well (after she's had time to process it that is) as being with the scoobies has given her an insight into Demons that Donnie could not imagine. It would also make her realise that her dad really did love her mother and that there were extenuating circumstances behind his behaviour. It seems that we only really start to learn that our parents are real people (or not in Nathan's case) with flaws like everyone else when we become adults ourselves.



Hey Mary that was mean getting my hopes up about Giles and Donnie (yes I do need therapy). I can't wait to hear more about Donnie, Tara, and Willow's reactions to the letter in part 2.



BTW I hope you're feeling better soon (but enjoy the drugs while you can). I hope you're not at work at the moment.... could lead to some very interesting diagnoses



Nan

"I think this line's mostly filler" - Willow in OMWF

"I'm not really much for the timber" - Tara

[greenwitch]

Mary,



i come out of lurking once more to say "yaaayy update!"



i'm intrigued where you're going. clearly tara's dad loved tara's mom, but sure had a funny way of showing it...



and the description of tara's mom's passing was just touching...



so we know (at least i think we do. do we?) that tara's not a demon, but all the hints (evil, malicious) seem to point toward donny's demon qualities. so this raises the questions:



1) why is donny a demon or part demon and tara not?

2) what kind of demon is he?



personally i'm still leaning toward the genetic sex-linked explanation. i mean can't "demon"ness be like balding, hemophilia, and color-blindness (mind you i'm not saying that bald men are demons!)?



and to add to my theory, i've got another possibility for the name cold springs. this might reveal my dorkiness, (not that i haven't already ), but one of the premier institutions in the US for biological research, particularly genetic research is Cold Spring Harbor laboratories. James Watson, one of the discoverers of DNA, was it's director for years. now is that just a coincidence?



okay okay. maybe i'm taking this too far...



and what's up with the red stone?



can't wait for the next installment!



greenwitch

[Patches]

Wow Mary (Queen of Scots – ah, tissues I believe is the operant we’re looking for). Holy sh*t, you write better doped up than most writers who’re clean and sober. That is not to say I’m glad that you’re not feeling well. But I do know you’re a little off your game; silly, silly, one beheads, not shoots royalty.



Well, you’ve given us quite a bit to think about in the last two updates. I’m sorry, I got a little too involved in writing to give a proper response last time, so I’ll address that update first. I’ll also ask your forbearance, I’m rather beat as I type this, so cogency may wax and wane.



Yes, I found the scene with Tara’s mother very hard to read. I’m not worried about you taking care of her; it’s my own sanity I have to question, that’s twice your writing has ripped me to pieces, and that’s not an easy thing to do. I’ve learned over the years to grow a thick skin. At heart, I’m a sap – I even get suckered in by those touchy feel good commercials, but these scenes are very different, they touch very deeply, Kudos Mary, for doing it in a way that doesn’t yank the reader’s chain. Your writing elicits levels of emotional pain I don’t expect to find. Your words go deeper than fiction, but they don’t exploit. I believe it is because you do treat difficult issues with respect that they have so much impact. It’s difficult to do, and you do it exceptionally well. There is honesty in your writing that I feel deserves equal honesty in response. So, ya – I’ll let you know when I actually read the whole first section – ‘cause, interestingly enough, I can’t.



To garner some satisfaction from knowing your writing has an emotional impact doesn’t make you a sadist – now, if you said you were revelling in it, I’d have to be a little concerned.(lol)



Ah, what to say about Donnie? Humm, you could always transport him to the second chapter of my fic (which I hope will be finished this week). I’m sure I can find a “fitting” end for him – lol. But, tracking back to reality for a moment...



Donnie is a complex character. Though I so thoroughly despise him, I find him fascinating as well. BTW, I’m really rooting for a good Donnie get his ass-kicked session soon.



Completely did not see the daddy was a demon angle. But I’m a bit confused, okay, so I’m always confused, how about I say I’m perplexed by something. If Nathan’s part demon, why is Tara not? Humm, how does demon genetic inheritance work exactly, perhaps it’s not passed through the female line at all and Willow’s "demon stance" was a little more accurate than Tara thought?





And on to 13A ... I loved Sela’s take on the whole demon thing. So I add an inarticulate – what she said, uh, me too. What is a demon anyway? I did like the revelation that Nathan loved his wife and now we understand a little of his brooding nature. What a terrible thing to live in fear, especially when it’s fear you’ve created, when the lies become truth and the truth become lies. Interesting twist of events.



I eagerly await your rapid recovery and the next instalment of this enthralling tale.



Cheers!!

Patches



p.s. | when I accused you of the cruel quip - I was referring to your little joke in the feedback about the box containing tampax - I had an interesting time trying to explaining to a room full of curious people what I was laughing at. Saying it was an inside joke just made me laugh louder.

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[VampNo12]

Mary, first I'm sending positive vibes, hoping you feel better soon (do enjoy those side-effects from the drugs, and hey maybe Donnie needs the love of a good man...with a side of Ripper in order to straighten him out )! As for the update another intriguing (not to mention thought-provoking) chapter.



I loved how the mood was created with the image of the line, ("As it was, she felt as if she were watching everything unfold in slow motion, her growing dread at the idea of what awaited them at the bottom of this spiral only heightened by the time it took them to reach it."). Here the tension is so palpable, I truly felt like I was holding my breath with the uncertainty of what was about to be revealed.



As for the letter itself, wow... I'm truly processing so many different ideas in regards to the shaping of the Maclay family dynamic. Really learning the truth (ie the demon comes from Nathan's father's side of the family) brings out such conflicting emotions in me... anger at the fact that Nathan perpetrated a lie in making his wife and daughter believe their demon heritage, while at the same time I feel sad for Nathan (he didn't trust, have faith that his wife's love was strong enough to stick by him) that he felt he needed to lie in order to hold on to his wife/family (he was forever shaped by his experience of witnessing his mother leave his father...suffering the loss of his father).



Again I may be way off-base (not to mention giving Nathan far too much credit), but I wonder if his behavior towards his wife and children was his "twisted" (dysfunctional) way of "protecting" his family. Although, I want to preface this by saying this no way excuses his treatment of them. With this in mind, we know Nathan needs to be in control, believes in clearly defined roles (rigidity), and in many ways hides behind his "cold" demeanor, where no one truly knows what he is thinking/feeling (ie it took a written letter to confirm to Tara that her father did indeed love her mother).



So while Nathan was "playing" a role, one of his objectives was trying to hide his "true" face (his demon side). I see Nathan as a man being ruled by his fears of: 1) literally losing his family, and 2) losing control (why he acts "stone-faced" not giving into frivolity) and turning into the hated demon. Thus, maybe his behavior (his interactions with Donnie/Tara) was his way of controlling in them what he feared/hated in himself (ie knew Donnie lacked self control... acted on impulse so he beat him in order to control/maintain the demon, while at the same time trying not to further "taint" Tara by keeping her at arm's length). Not to mention (with the unknown factor of his demon side) that by maintaining a rigid structure (clearly defined roles) life on the farm would more or less go by "clock-work", trying to plan ahead so he wouldn't be taken by surprise (ie not leaving things to chance, the harm that could incur from unpredictability).



I guess what I'm trying to say in a way it's a "self-fulfilling prophecy", where his behavior towards his family ultimately led him to become what he feared/hated the most, a "demon" (he might of been a "demon" literally, but his behavior to safe-guard against this turned him into one figuratively as well). I'm also curious when Nathan actually told Julia the lie (ie was it before they got married, after when they didn't have children, or once children entered the picture?). Meaning, it's obvious Nathan felt immense guilt for perpetrating a lie, and although, his fears (sense of loss) motivated him in this regard, he acted selfishly (his need to hold onto his wife at any "cost"). Also get the sense as time went by the guilt (although I'm sure still present) was overshadowed by the feeling of power he attained by exerting control over his family (ie the label "demon" he once feared/hated now gives him an "out", allows him to justify his dysfunctional behavior). So now we have more questions... is Donnie's behavior influenced because he is half-demon, how does this shocker affect Tara, and many other questions I look forward to finding answers to as the story continues. Can't wait to see what happens next!



Edited to add I was just reading this part again (as well as the wonderful feedback), and I too wonder if Nathan's father (and the implications of his wife's words) was literally a demon, or was the behavior he was exhibiting so against their religious beliefs (acting like the "devil") that she needed to label him a "demon" (ie this was the only way she could "see" her husband acting this way)? Really if someone is continually told they are "bad" (or in this case believe they're a demon with negative connotations) the label in time will become their identity. Thus, the "demon" was their own making, (ie it's the "ugly" part of them, where feelings of anger, hatred, resentment, and bitterness reside).



Vicki

Edited by: VampNo12  at: 2/20/03 2:59:49 pm

[barnabasvamp]

Poor Tara!!



Very interesting idea that Tara's father could have been the one with the "demon" in him. And just how much of this would be passed on to his children. I'm thinking because Donnie is more of a genetic (male-male) link, perhaps he received the majority.



Looking forward to finding out why Donnie thinks Tara needs to go home, and of course, just what his motive is.



Take more drugs, write more

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"Melissa Etheridge

[JustSkipIt]

Mary, wonderfully and beautifully written. I love the letter. Part of what I love about it is the ambiguity of his being, their being, a demon. I don't yet see the proof that being a demon is more than metaphorical. He says that his mother saw his father, but was that in the physical guise of a demon or doing something that a strict religious code forbids? Or some other mythogoly or belief structure? And while perhaps not literal, it defintely does seem that Donnie & father both have metaphorical demons in them. The demon of anger. The demon on hate. The demon of non-acceptance. But is it literal?

We know that when Spike punched Tara it hurt him so she's not demon. Are we to believe that her father's demon has not yet manifested? Donnie saw the display with Spike so he knows this too but what is he going to say to dispell that?



I'm intrigued. Wonderful. Debra

---

"War may be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary it is always evil." - President Jimmy Carter after receiving the Nobel Peace Prize

[Grimaldi]

great update

wow, so Tara's dad is the demon, and like others have said: is Donnie also part demon, and what about Spike hitting Tara and proving she isn't one, what does that mean? can't wait to find out

You can't just go declaring shenanigans on innocent people, that's how wars get started!
I'm not stealing, I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
Did you just say the 'F' word?

[Penrose Orleans]

Well, since I have to run to class in a minute, I can't write all of what I want to (guess that'll be the second part of my feedback, just like the second part of your update!). Essentially, I could comment SO much on character develoment, plot points, etc. since you are SO DAMN GOOD at writing them... Nathan's oh-so-symbolic inner demon, Donnie's silence at the funeral, Tara's guilt for falling asleep... the reality of these characterizations just keeps going.



What I really wanted to compliment, though, is your narrative style, something that I think really shone in this section-- the combination of action and perspective at the very beginning (she would look back on this conversation), the seamless integration of past and present, and your ability to change character perspectives so as to reflect their essential selves without feeling like you're telling two or three different stories... I could go on and on! As it were, though, I'm going to be late, so I will give you many shouts of praise 'till the next feedback installment-- Nora

"No matter how much we scorn it, kitsch is an integral part of the human condition."-Milan Kundera

"The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else." -Umberto Eco

[tommo]

I just caught up with the last two parts of this; glad I did. I wish my head was clearer so that I could say more about this story - perhaps later on when I'm feeling better I will. But the thing that struck me most here was pacing. The transition between past and present is what keeps the tension alive, and weaves thredds of the plot through the characters and their interaction. Really, it wouldn't matter what Tara found in the box; the point of it was that the box was from the past, being brought into the present.



I feel that the pacing of your scenes makes that very important to the reader; that notion of not quite being able to leave behind the past, and bringing it with you into the life you live today. To that end, the scene with Tara and her mother was graceful and touching. Desperately so, on Donnie's behalf, I think. God help me, I hate that man/boy, but here I couldn't help feeling something for him as he wanted to cry but wasn't sure how to, I think.



Moving from these contemplative, slow scenes into the quick darting eyes of Willow,Tara and Donnie in the present was just wonderful. You never let us forget who is the protagonist in this story; who the story is about and why we're reading it. But there's a whole world in the past that you're bringing us, slowly and carefully and temptingly, and that's the beauty of your structure and pacing.



There. Now I'm off to blow my nose. Again.

"There's so much more to wiccan Willow than muff-diving gimmickry" ~ SFX