Gods Served and Abandoned

[Grimlock72]

DarkMagicWillow: the monk on TV said they 'made the key human', meaning Dawn isn't just a kid with a key inside her. She *is* the key, lots of discussions to be had about that :-)



I liked how Willow latched on to calling Tara's aunt as it was finally something she could DO to help Tara. I sooo recognize that feeling.



The way Tara handled Dawn's troubles was good, but somewhat expected from her of course . Willow approached it another way and she has a point that Dawn is indeed "special". Then again, there are a lot of people in Sunnydale who are special that way, just visit Willy's bar .



The Dawn-identity-crisis never appealed to me, simply because everything the scoobies do/say is based on implanted memories mostly. I find it hard to ignore that when Dawn's keyness is adressed. It's hardly fair to Dawn herself either, she never had the chance to go to that movie with Tara... she only has the (false) memory of it. That has to be tough to life with, she'll have trouble sleeping for a while I think.



Grimmy

--

She(Tara) knew that she was Willow too. If she knew that then why hadn't Willow herself? That wasn't fair. She was Willow. she should have known that first. -- Willow in _Sidestep Chronicle_ (part 80)

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-



Others have made my points about how well you've handled Dawn and made her so much more than she was allowed to be by ME. Tara's handling of the crisis was wonderful but I think the part that resounded with me was how Willow was able to tell Dawn how special she really was. She knew what Dawn needed to hear. Willow's emotional growth continues and while I feel she would credit Tara the truth is much more complex. Tara helps, but your Willow is so much more like the girl we watched grow up in the first four seasons.



Thank you for this wonderful work.



Jixer

[AntigoneUnbound]

Once upon a Friday rainy,

        Cursing the clouds, so dark and grainy,

        I read o’er some Kittens and they did sustain me—

        Sustain me ‘til this day be past.



Thanks, all, for the encouragement!



Bagheera: Yes, I’ve been struck (figuratively, of course, not literally) by the infinite sources that tell us that it is suffering that proves we exist. But I believe that there is a type of joy that surpasses mindless superficiality, and for me, that’s one way I know I’m alive. And yeah, I just had to get a dig in at ME; glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading, Bagheera!



Suse: If, perchance, my words do please you

                Rest assured it’s not to tease you—

                I live to serve, and thus appease you so long as I can without jail time.



OK, you just crack me up! Are you sure you don’t want to jump on the Pens-mobile and add your two cents’ worth?



You make a great point about the limited time and exploration that TV writers so often dedicate to the various plots that they ask us to invest in. They brought Dawn on board and gave her a hugely significant role but devoted such little time to the development of her character beyond her Key-dom. But here’s this teenager, surrounded by these super-cool demon fighters (well, w/ the exception of Xander) and first, she has the memories of a 14-year-old (so she has all that insecurity) and then she finds out she’s the Key but that’s inextricably linked to immediate danger to everyone she loves; i.e., she’s a burden. Yeah, I’m sure that would bring out my best side…



Glad you loved Willow-swearing. I confess, I have a weakness for compound profanities, like "two-bit," "shit-for-brains" (used as an adjective), and "half-assed." Maybe it’s the cadence; I dunno. Anyway, glad you enjoyed this update and as ever, seeing the name of Cindy Lou Who makes me glad that I joined this cadre most true and do I dare hope that my next words, so new, will bring you a joy of like size. Thanks, girl!



Tempered Cynic: You nailed it, TC: simple pleasures are the best. Yes, Tara has a definite empathy for loving someone unattainable, so of course she would treat her w/ particular care and skill. I’m glad you enjoyed the questioning of human essence—it’s a particularly intriguing line of questioning for me. And oh, goddess—anything to have been spared the "Get out get out GET OUT!!" hysterics. Hard to watch; painful to hear. Thanks for following this story, TC, and sending in such interesting observations.



BV: Yep, our beloved Willow (the original Willow—accept no substitutes!) would of course find a unique way to convince Dawn that she’s special. Willow knows all too well what it’s like to feel lost and bereft. Thanks for writing, BV.



Rose: Glad you enjoyed the warm fuzzies! Thanks for reading.



DarkMagicWillow: Ah, DMW…If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were intrigued by the dark side. (To be read in the deep baritone of Darth Vader.)



Beaucoup d’interesting points, DMW. I’ve always had a hard time w/ many aspects of the Key plot, beginning with the very fact that the monks made the Key human at all. I mean, of all the objects in the world, they chose (a) a human who would (b) spend lots of time with someone (her sister) who would be in close proximity to the very god they wished to defeat. I’m hardly the most logical or far-sighted person in the world, but even I could come up with a better plan than that. I definitely had the impression that Glory had virtually no clue at all as to the Key’s form or location—so why not make the Key a ball of lint in the bottom of a laundry basket in Finland? And when Buffy-Bot shows up with the Dagon’s Sphere, why in the world would she throw it at her and thereby use it/lose it in a matter of seconds? The Sphere was clearly having an impact on Glory, AND they didn’t need to defeat her, just delay her. Instead, she literally hands it to her. Why? ("Um, because it’s a TV show based on suspension of critical thought in order to tweak our emotions, Mary," DMW very astutely replied.) With regard to your questions, though—first, I was under the impression that Dawn was definitely human, and from that I inferred finiteness. Likewise, I figure if a bunch of monks can take a ball of mystical energy and make it a teenager, they can probably instill a life-time’s worth of memories in both her and those who would have cause to "remember" her. The part that intrigues me, though, is your question re: what (and possibly who) was lost to the rest of the gang by virtue of time devoted to memories of Dawn. It’s a fascinating premise, DMW, and one I could easily see you writing! Whaddya say? Thanks for reading, DMW, and taking the time to write such thoughtful feedback.



Shuyaku: Hey, thanks for the kind words! It felt important, and consistent with the idea of family having myriad forms and make-ups, to have Dawn come to the two people she trusts most. Yeah, ME brings out the worst in a lot of us, I suspect. Someone once said, "You have to love what’s lovable, and hate what’s hateable. It takes brains to see the difference." Well, I think we have at least one fairly clear exemplar here…And thanks for feedback comment! I definitely find it to be one of the highlights of the board. People here are a wonderful combination of smart and kind, and I think it brings out good stuff in all of us. Thanks for reading, Shuyaku, and sending in the good thoughts.



Sela: I issued forth with a loud "huzzah!" when I saw your name on the thread, b/c your feedback is just so excellent. I loved your observation that Dawn is a potent combination of power and vulnerability. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why the writers brought her in as such an integral character and then made her so unbelievably unattractive so much of the time. They devoted virtually no time to exploring how this teenager reacted to such overwhelming news.



You and I are of one mind (and you can have it this week-end; I plan to veg out a lot) re: the fact that Dawn’s questioning of her existence is proof of that existence. I envision her as knowing at some level, even in the midst of such emotional chaos, that Willow and Tara would be insistent advocates of her humanity. As you pointed out, she wanted "the comfort of humanity to bind her to this world." And I have to say, Sela, I was very impressed with your observation that Dawn is "a metaphor for how we all feel at times—present in this world, but uncertain of our functions and also ordinary but with the potential to be extraordinary." That’s one of the most cogent synopses I’ve encountered of her or any character on the show.



I enjoyed having Tara play the part of existential interrogator. I always saw her as being far more philosophically inclined than virtually anyone else on the show. Yes, she’s very emotionally attuned, but I think she’s also intrigued by such questions as human essence and morality.



Your initial surprise at Dawn’s blurting is consistent with the several changes I experienced when writing that one sentence of self-disclosure. I finally went w/ the "in love with you" depiction b/c I saw Dawn at that point as feeling pretty much beyond ordinary self-consciousness or embarrassment. The girl’s raw, and she blurts out what she’s feeling, and for her, she is in love with Tara…screw this "crush" BS. And you’re dead-on regarding Tara’s reaction: she certainly wouldn’t diminish it, but right now it’s really not the main attraction of this particular circus.



You know, I struggled w/ how to incorporate Willow into that exchange b/w Tara and Dawn, especially since this update comes from Willow’s perspective. I agree—I wouldn’t want to hear another woman say she was in love w/ my partner. I think part of why Willow can handle it is b/c she knows that Dawn really doesn’t represent any kind of threat.



So I’ve both subverted and reaffirmed your ideas of humanity and demon-hood? Ah…my work here is done…Actually, I was struck by your phrase: "It shouldn’t be such a muddled question…" Isn’t it interesting how oblivious reality is to what should be?



Finally, I’m glad you enjoyed the Willow-babble. It was great fun to write, even if it was quite brief. I just can’t see Willow hanging out on the perimeter for too long, not when there’s emotion a-foot! And you’re right—she is a doll; or at least she used to be before ME began perverting everything good and true about their characters.



Thanks, Sela, for your incredibly perceptive and thoughtful comments. I really appreciate them.



Patches: Heaping praises? Who am I to stop you? (Mary tries unsuccessfully to blush in a maidenly fashion.)



You make a great point that Tara’s initial answers re: her family just lead to more questions. All of this runs so deep, and has so many implications. Of course she’s still working on the translation…One of the most frustrating experiences for me is when I need information and I’m unable to get it, or to believe that it’s reliable; hence the emergence of frustration for Tara, being unable to question either parent. You’re absolutely right about the Maclay legacy being fundamentally human in nature. All of our families have passed on legacies of both strength and weakness; hopefully, the former outweighs the latter, but obviously that’s not always true.



You’re right about Willow’s difficulty not making everything all better for her beloved. Touch is most definitely a profound source of comfort and reassurance; hence the scene in the motel and hence our girls wrapping Dawn up in their arms and rocking her on the floor. You know, I think that part of Tara’s strength in dealing with Dawn’s pain is that Tara recognizes Dawn’s feelings: unrequited love, loneliness, being lost. Take a look at my response to Sela re: Tara as the originator of the discussion on existence. I’ve always seen her as questioning so many abstract concepts.



Finally, I love your observation that reality can unravel in the blink of an eye—how true…Tara and Dawn are now both faced with constructing new definitions of themselves and their worlds. Thanks for the high praise and encouragement, Patches—I thrive on it!



Grimaldi: Glad you liked the way that our girls took care of Dawn in such an emotional moment. I thought it would make sense that she (Dawn) would turn to them. Thanks for reading and sending in the good thoughts.



Justin: You know, it may be b/c I’m such a huge Tara fan that I always wanted to see more of her family, but it felt really important that the Maclays be more than caricatures. I’m glad they feel credible to you. Like you, I can detest their actions and feel sorry for them simultaneously. You make an interesting observation re: the legacy of abuse. What I’ve read is that men who are abused as boys are more likely to become abusers themselves, while women are more likely to be abused again as adults. Obviously, that’s a tendency, not an inevitability, but it would explain some of what happened here. Glad you like having your thoughts provoked, Justin!



Grimmy: Like you, I was thinking of the monk’s words to Buffy when I specified that Dawn was human and finite. Sounds like you and Willow share a need for action in times of stress and duress! I loved your point about visiting Willy’s Bar to see the full plethora of "unique" characters in SunnyD! You’re right—Dawn is going to have as much trouble adjusting to the fact that all of her happiest memories never happened as she is to the whole Key issue and its implications, I think. Thanks for reading, Grimmy, and taking the time to write.



Jixer: I'm glad that Dawn's depiction is credible to you. It seems like a lot of people have a very wide spectrum of reactions to that character. You're absolutely right about Willow getting to the emotional heart of the matter. Miss Calendar made the point in her last feedback that Willow, in saying that Tara "did" emotions while she "did" science and technology, was doing the kind of splitting that couples often do: "You handle this realm of our lives, and I'll handle this one." But Willow does know how to do emotions, especially ones of loneliness and insecurity. Thanks for the kind words, Jixer, and taking the time to follow this story.



OK, Kittens—more later!

Edited by: AntigoneUnbound at: 4/11/03 2:06:25 pm

[russ]

Once again, another great chapter; followed by fascinating discussion.



Started off with a snort & snicker at the "melodramatic bonehead." Who could you possibly be referring to?



Then Tara's continued turmoil over her birth family. How could she not be full of self-doubt, given all that has happened, and all that she has recently discovered? I can empathize with Willow's feelings of helplessness, unable to do anything to ease her beloved's suffering. And yet she comes up with one of the great lines:

"God, Tara, I can feel the kindness in you; sometimes it’s so strong that it almost aches. It doesn’t mean you’re perfect or you never feel like being angry or selfish or just plain grouchy. It does mean you’re likely to choose kindness over cruelty. I know it, Tara; I know it down to my bones."

To be imperfect yet to choose kindness over cruelty: how simple, how profound, and how true of all your Scoobies, not just Tara.



Dawn's arrival, and the wonderful way in which they deal with her distress, and convince her of her value, and reassure her that she is indeed loved and human. Willow & Tara each contribute in their own way, and the result is smiles, tears, and healing. It seemed so important that Tara took Dawn's declaration of love seriously. A "crush" is not trivial to the one who experiences it. It can be just as devastating as an adult's unrequited love. In treating her with respect and relating her own insecurity, Tara is able to bring Dawn to a point where she can begin to rationally discuss what is happening.



Some readers seem to have a problem with accepting Dawn, because of the altered memories that came with her. To me, it seems that the monks did more than just alter some memories. When they made the Key a human, they actually re-wrote history backward from that point. Dawn was created with a 14 year history that was recorded in photos and other memorabilia, as well as people's memories. In other words, the memories were not "false," but were "new." Is this a terrible thing, that events were altered from their original course? Well, doesn't it happen every day, when one event takes place rather than another?



Like many readers, I am dissatisfied with the portrayal of "minor" characters such as Dawn on BtVS. So little was done to develop characters with so much potential. However, although I'm reluctant to defend the writers, I have to admit that the constraints of writing 22 40 minute episodes per season leaves not enough time to do all that could/should be done. That's one of the reasons I love these stories that fill out the bare bones we saw on the series.



By the way, the Key as dryer lint in Finland would indeed have made much more logical sense for hiding purposes. However, I defy even you to write an interesting story about it! Sometimes, dramatic licence must rule.



This was once again a satisfying chapter, with bits of humour to balance the drama, and, as always, the characters acting like the intelligent, good-hearted people they are. You continue to prove that a good writer can create a strong, dramatic story with characters who generally make right choices, and have the courage to be truthful with each other.



Speaking of which, somewhere off camera in this scene is a Slayer who (in your world) had the courage to tell her sister the truth. No doubt she is suffering greatly as Dawn did not take it well. I look forward to the next meeting of the sisters, as well as further developments in this wonderful tale.



Russ

[darkmagicwillow]

Grimmy, I don't trust those monks, and even if I did, I doubt that a dying man who's desperate for Buffy to accept the Key is going to explain the details and caveats of how they made Dawn and how's she not quite human. There's obviously something not quite human about her or the ritual in The Gift wouldn't have opened the portal.



Why don't I trust them? Buffy would've defended the Key to the death to save the world without it being her sister. She's put her life on the line every season (and every night) to save the world. However, Buffy wouldn't have (and couldn't have) sacrificed herself by diving into the portal if the Key had been a "ball of lint" as Antigone intelligently suggests. She would've put the lint in a sacrificial dryer or done whatever that was required to close the portal using the Key in that form. That suggests that Buffy's sacrifice was part of the monk's plan from the beginning and that the Key was more important than the world to them.



Antigone, intrigued by the darkness? me? Whyever would you think that? (-;



As for your question about what was lost in Dawn's arrival, I've been thinking about that for a while.



russ brought up an interesting point:

---

When they made the Key a human, they actually re-wrote history backward from that point. Dawn was created with a 14 year history that was recorded in photos and other memorabilia, as well as people's memories. In other words, the memories were not "false," but were "new." Is this a terrible thing, that events were altered from their original course? Well, doesn't it happen every day, when one event takes place rather than another?

---

Are the memories of Dawn false or real? It's an intriguing question, and it's interesting to ask if real "new" memories are a violation of people's lives or not. I've read a lot of time travel fiction and some of it does address the morality of altering the past, though usually on a more global scale. However, I'm not sure that the question at the beginning of this paragraph is a real dichotomy, but I'll avoid saying more about that now, as my thoughts on that kind of question are at the core of the story I'm working on now.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[AntigoneUnbound]

Russ: Good to "see" you again! Your feedback is a great combination of humor and perceptivity. You and DMW have some great dialogue emerging re: the nature of memories when those memories are supplied at a date following the events that Dawn et. al. are ostensibly recalling. I'm guessing that you've seen the movie "Memento." I'd love to hear your thoughts on that depiction.



When she's not whining, I have a lot of compassion for Dawn. She longs to be special, as do all adolescents (and probably all adults, if we're being honest with ourselves); in her case, though, she's surrounded by extraordinary people all the time. The one thing that makes her special is also a source of great danger to everyone she loves. How could she not end up seeing herself as a burden to all these cool older people, and a very lethal burden at that?



You wrote: "By the way, the Key as dryer lint in Finland would indeed have made much more logical sense for hiding purposes. However, I defy even you to write an interesting story about it! Sometimes, dramatic licence must rule." An excellent point, Russ, and therefore I've decided to set this story aside and dedicate myself to the writing of a gripping tale of dryer lint in Scandinavia. The plot? I envision one of the great philosophers reflecting on the nature of existence through the consideration of said lint. Working title: "From Sartre to Finnish." It's the novel I was meant to write, I think.



Thanks, Russ, for the great observations and encouragement.



DMW: Yeah, I know...I was going out on the conjectural limb by that whole "intrigued by darkness" comment. What can I say...It's the shrink in me.



Nice tease, DMW, with the allusion to the story you're working on. Considering my immersion into "The Dark Rose," it's an understatement to say I'm looking forward to it.



I'm really intrigued by your theory that the monks wanted Buffy to jump into the portal all the time. I've always seen that as something wrought by bad luck and poor logic (as rendered by the writers, of course). It's fascinating to consider it as the objective from the outset. You make a great point: Buffy has always defended the world; she didn't need a sister at stake (no pun intended) to do so. If I may ask, is this also a part of your work in progress? (And if mum be the word, then mum I shall be.)



As ever, DMW, your feedback is engaging and intelligent. Thanks for your thoughts.



More later,

Mary

Edited by: AntigoneUnbound at: 4/13/03 8:23:55 pm

[russ]

Oh no! What have I done? If Antigone sets this story aside, I'll have to throw myself in front of a speeding dryer and end it all in a ball of lint. Better so than to face the wrath of hordes of disappointed readers.



Perhaps you could delay writing From Sartre to Finnish until you've done here. Maybe next century.



Actually, I haven't seen Memento, but it's now on the list.



DMW certainly has me eagerly awaiting the new story. If it's half as good as "Dark Rose", it'll be a great read.



Your take on Dawn is spot on. You really know these characters; better, I think, than those who originally created them. (You treat them better, too).



Russ

[JustSkipIt]

Mary, the amount that it is a shame that I haven't been able to comment until now is only proportional to the hugeness of this update. Now I don't even think that makes sense. But I digress...



Awesome level of emotion and conversation here. I love the raw power shared by these three women in so many different relationships. When Dawn came out with the admission that she's in love with Tara, it seemed to completely shock the older girl which is just absolutely perfect IMHO. That's exactly as Tara would take it. And Willow watching from outside yet inside the conversation... Totally spendid.



One thing that I have always questioned is the contention that the monks built her memories and their memories. But is that possible? Is it possible to build someone's memories but not to have altered reality? Wouldn't those be the same thing? Once we pass some aspect of our lives, isn't our memory what we substitute for reality? That and a souvenier or scar (just souveniers on your body). So really, the monks altered reality for the Scoobies. But not just for the scoobies. Did they alter reality for everyone Dawn every "passed on the street?" Did they bump the kid who really came in 3rd in the spelling bee down to 4th so she could come in 3rd in elementary school? Did they give her a home run in a T-ball game 8 years ago in LA?



Not only that, but given that it's so hard to determine how one change in history can completely change how everything else will play out, doesn't it seem that they are playing pretty fast and loose with reality? Look at Cordelia's wish and the way that changes everything. Every event (in this case memory) triggers an infinite number of events and how did they know or did they just assume which would alter the world for "better" or "worse." While I've always been intriguiged by the concept of an author (Joss) doing this -- simply inserting a new person/being/concept -- into a constructed reality, I have serious questions regarding the ethics of the monks doing it.



Ok, I'm in a super big hurry so if that makes absolutely no sense, just write it off to the ramblings of a lunatic and have a great day. Great writing. Debra

---

"People have the power to redeem the work of fools." - Patti Smith

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hey Kittens~~Expect an update tomorrow night (Wednesday). Expect a light breeze and perhaps a brief shower Thursday afternoon. Expect the unexpected on Friday at 1:27am. Remember--you read it here first.



Russ, Good Russ; I'm laughing so hard I'll need a truss: OK, yer just a-crackin' me up...You wrote: "Oh no! What have I done? If Antigone sets this story aside, I'll have to throw myself in front of a speeding dryer and end it all in a ball of lint." For the love of God, Russ, don't do anything drastic! I have to confess, though, that the image of a speeding dryer was one of the more amusing moments I've had in the past 2-3 days...Thanks for the smile. Oh--If you haven't read Debra's (JustSkipIt) comments, I suspect you'll find them fascinating.



Debra: Boy, you set my mind racing w/ all the implications; things I hadn't even considered before. I love your examples--does somebody who actually came in third get bumped down to fourth so that Dawn can have his/her spot? It all begs the question of who is considered the star of a particular play, or the sun in a given solar system. If reality is shifted to incorporate Dawn, that's tantamount to saying that everyone else is a supporting character in a universal drama about her. I emphasize the "universal" b/c I think we all sort of consider ourselves the sun in our particular solar system, but in this case, there's no element of subjectivity--everyone is shifted around to accommodate the reality of Dawn. The whole idea is just fascinating. Thanks for the kind words re: the emotionality of the update. It's easy to find Dawn simply annoying, but let's face it, the kids in a no-win situation: first she thinks she's just a tag-along to her very singular sister, and then she learns that she really is important but in an extremely inconvenient way. Yikes! Hope real life is proceeding in ways that are good to you, Debra. Thanks for taking the time to offer feedback on this story. Loving "Season 3, Y'All"!



Later, Dear Gators~~

Mary

[darkmagicwillow]

Antigone asks:

---

I'm really intrigued by your theory that the monks wanted Buffy to jump into the portal all the time. ... is this also a part of your work in progress?

---

I haven't decided yet; I'm still working out the background about the monks, but it's a possibility.



Debra asks:

---

Once we pass some aspect of our lives, isn't our memory what we substitute for reality?

---

I've been asking that question myself as I thought about Dawn's reality. My thoughts turn to quantum mechanics, and its Copenhagan interpretation with the observational determination of reality. When you open the Schrodinger's box and see that the cat is alive, it is alive and therefore must have been alive all along. The other possibility where the cat was dead is now gone. If we remember Dawn being Buffy's little sister, she must have always been there; the other possibility just a ghost of what could have been. The weird thing in Dawn's case is that we peeked inside the box for four years without ever seeing Dawn and now we see her and therefore she must have been there, but we, as viewers, unlike the Scoobies, don't recall it that way.

---

Did they alter reality for everyone Dawn every "passed on the street?"

---

Good question. Is Dawn's reality somehow "thin" with the Scoobies, her family and current classmates remembering her, but no one ever recalling just seeing her passing down the street? It's unsatisfying if it's so, but the spell is an unbelievably wide and complex modification of reality if it's not. And as Antigone says, "that's tantamount to saying that everyone else is a supporting character in a universal drama about her," which actually was the case in season 5 IMO.

---

I have serious questions regarding the ethics of the monks doing it.

---

Me too, though from a physics perspective, what the monks do is time travel which means the arrow of causality no longer simply points forward from present to future, but can change directions from present to past and even loop, confounding our intuition about causes and thus ethics.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[JustSkipIt]

And another thing. Related to Mary's idea of turning the key into lint...



Why turn the key into anything? Why not destroy the key? The vague understanding I have always had is that they didn't want to destroy the key because it is a source of spectacular mystical energy. Ok: for what? What does it do besides open the hell portal? Did the monks have some intention of using the key later for some "good"? If so, were they thinking that after the date for Glory passes and she's just little Ben, they would come knock on Buffy's door someday: "Gee, hi slayer. Your sister isn't really your sister. We made her and now we want to take her away and turn her back so we can use her power for our purposes." And Buffy says, "sure, let me get her coat???"



As far as we know the key is just inert at this point so why is it important that the key (as a source of energy) remain in existence. If the monks are powerful enough to transform the key, couldn't they just destroy it?



While I love the concept of Joss inserting a new character into an existing structure, the thinking of the why and how never has made that much sense to me.

---

"People have the power to redeem the work of fools." - Patti Smith

[mollyig]

Well I'm all caught up again.



I really like how you've portrayed Buffy; by showing her doubts, fears and need for support she's not only more likeable, but also more credible. Of course she would seek advice from her best friend in a matter as important as the well being of her sister.



"Please don’t act like you’re not human just because of how you came into this world" Tara's compassion, coupled with her own experiences helped her to begin convincing Dawn of her place in the world.



I'm looking forward to more of this great story. Thank you.

Love is a place I dream of. A face that never leaves my mind
Luka Bloom

[AntigoneUnbound]

First, an apology: I won't be able to update until tomorrow (Thursday). I have another work emergency that I need to address, and I suspect it will be a long night for this little Kitten. Tomorrow, though, I promise. I'm sorry about the delay.



DarkMagicWillow and Debra: The two of you, plus Russ and some others, have articulated much of what has always troubled me about Dawn's emergence. Debra, your comment about Buffy acquiescing immediately and offering to get Dawn's coat had me laughing and nodding simultaneously. (It was a rather odd motion, actually.) Here's this thing (how's that for a highly specific noun?) of incomprehensible power and potential for evil consequence--so let's (a) make her human and (b) plunk her down in the middle of all the action. Makes about as much sense as Oz locking Veruca in his cage to keep them safe. (Side note: Maybe he meant they would thereby practice safe sex, which begs the question: do they make condoms for werewolves?) Anyway, these discussions have made me realize how many of us have been bothered by the suspension of logic in this story when we've historically been more than generous in that regard. I like all these thought-provoking exchanges.



Mollyig: Glad you're all caught up! You have a great appreciation for the characters and nuances of these women. I like how you see and value them. Hope you enjoy where it goes from here.



Once again, my apologies for the delay. I'm sure that this is a source of mass despair on everyone's part, as you had probably set aside all other obligations and activities to await and devour the next installment of this story. (Please take the preceding sentence with the same heavy dose of irony with which it was written.)



Mary

[miss calendar]

Since everyone's pointing out things that don't make sense about the Key....Glory's ritual never made sense to me, I mean if this incredibly powerful source of mystical energy has been around all this time how come it can only be used at one moment in time. (and did it really have to be in that exact place and just how did the 'crazies' get the materials and manage to construct that tower in the very short time since they were summoned.) And if a Slayer's blood is just as effective why bother in the first place? As for Buffy's insistence that they made Dawn out of her - surely Buffy blood etc was only one ingredient because if none of that beautiful green energy got included how could Dawn be the Key? And if she is why would she stop being the Key just because Glory missed her deadline? Yep, darkmagicwillow's theory makes a lot more sense as does the ball of lint scenario.



Oh and Mary, though it pains me to do so I will explain about viola jokes. Basically they are a musical equivalent of the kind of jokes people tell that imply others belonging to a particular group or culture are stupid or inferior. They often reference specific pieces of music or musical techniques and can be quite sophisticated but all are based on the premise that viola players have such poor technique they can hardly play their instruments. There is also a cruder subgenre of viola joke which instead insists that the instrument itself is worthless and in these the humor consists of the destruction of one or more violas in a variety of contexts.



I hate their very existence with a fiery passion, now let us speak no more of them.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
' What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday,
and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow :
our life is the creation of our mind. ' from The Dhammapada

Edited by: miss calendar at: 4/16/03 3:29:32 pm

[darkmagicwillow]

Great, now you've got me trying to figure out werewolf sex, and what it would have meant if Veruca would have conceived during that time of month. (-; A seven-year long pregnancy since gestation only occurs during three days a month (and really only part of those days, so it would be closer to 20 years long)?



I can't resist giving one more tease: I have answers to every question asked on this thread about the Key. Now that I have my metaphysics, I have to wrestle season 6 into a bearable story though, which is turning out much harder than I expected...

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[russ]

Mary, no need to apologize for letting a little thing like your livelihood stand in the way of writing. This stuff happens, doesn't it?



DMW wrote of the Shrodinger's cat experiment. I think the point of parallel worlds, or alternate histories, or whatever you want to call it, is that the cat is both dead and alive. We know that the world we saw in S1-4 was "real", and that there was no Dawn. We also know that the world of S5 on is equally "real", and Dawn was always in it. I'm sticking to the theory that when the monks did their hocus-pocus they caused a split in history, creating two realities, in the same way that Buffy not coming to Sunnydale created the world of "The Wish."



Debra's speculation about the monk's motives and eventual intentions is interesting but we'll never know, thanks to Glory's conveniently wiping them out. Certainly the apparent illogic of their actions calls for big-time willing suspension of disbelief.



Following Mary down the Oz/Veruca sidetrack: wasn't the idea of locking her in to keep the populace safe from being munched upon? He did manage to keep her, um, occupied.



Miss Calendar mentioned the Summers blood question. It does seem highly unlikely that a straight substitution of Buffy for Dawn would suffice. Although physically Dawn shares Buffy's DNA, the mystical green energy is unique, and makes her, not Buffy, the key. It was, however, Dawn's blood (and energy?) that opened the portal. Buffy's sacrifice was able to close it. Who can tell why?



What I find most interesting is that in S5 the stories worked, despite the illogic. It was the best season, and "The Gift" the finest episode of the series.



Russ

[Cindy Lou Who]

Just popping in to say "Halloo"

On this bleak day in Seattle.

I do battle with enervating ennui-

No - Dell Crosswords are not lost on me!

I miss the way you make me laugh

Though that's not half of what I cherish.

You're just so very...Mare-ish.



{This is merely to say GSaA makes a difference to me. }



{Update when you can Duran Duran...but remember: If you do your job TOO well they'll...like...want you to do it that way...like... ALL the time! }



~Suse



"Now I have seen that sad surrender in my lover's eyes

But I can only stand apart and sympathize.

For we are always what are situations hand us-

It's either sadness or euphoria." ~Summer Highland Falls (Billy Joel)

[darkmagicwillow]

Miss Calendar, I agree that the substitution of Buffy's blood for Dawn's made very little sense. However, ME seems to love that idea as they used it again on last night's episode of Angel, substituting Cordelia's blood for Jasmine's¹ blood. Read the footnote for an explanation which may contain spoilers if you're in the UK. Sorry, I didn't know that Angel is showing on a different schedule there.



Russ, alternate universes is the Everett-Wheeler interpretation of quantum mechanics, while I was referring to the standard Copenhagan interpretation. It's easier to think of individual possibilities in different places instead of the cat being in a superposition of alive and dead states in a single universe. Both interpretations (and others like the "consistent histories" approach) are consistent with the theory of quantum mechanics and neither can be distinguished experimentally so you can pick whichever one makes sense to you.



Season 5 is one of my favorite seasons to play with, but I think that's partially because of the holes in it. They leave a lot of openings for people to write their own stories. Look at what Antigone's done here working with all the openings caused by the episode "Family." I'm still very curious as to where she's going with that too, because just as she's resolving Tara's family issues, she's opening up new problems with the Dawn/Key issue.





¹Jasmine is the evil entity that was controlling Cordelia this season and recently was born from Cordy into its own body, in case you're not watching Angel. Since Jasmine emerged from Cordy's body as a tentacly energy creature, then became a beautiful adult black woman, I think the blood connection between Cordy and Jasmine is less than that between Buffy and Dawn, so once again, I'm left unbelieving.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 4/17/03 11:00:54 am

[miss calendar]

darkmagicwillow Shame to hear that M.E have resorted to a similar lame device on Angel. I am watching it and have been enjoying this season a lot - however as I'm in the UK and the show is weeks behind over here I don't know who Jasmine is. Anyway, you might want to add a spoiler warning to your post for other UK viewers or people in countries where the season has not been shown yet.



Mary, I hope you don't mind me going off topic in your thread. I know I didn't get around to giving feedback on your last great update, however I blame darkmagicwillow as I've spent the last few days absolutely rivetted by her wonderful fic, The Dark Rose. I have only just finished and it is occupying my thoughts and reverberating around my psyche so much that I have to temporarily abandon other gods such as yourself. Since I'm off on a Green Tara retreat tomorrow morning feedback to both of you will have to wait now until I get back. Suffice it to say the last update rocked, as ever.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
' What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday,
and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow :
our life is the creation of our mind. ' from The Dhammapada

Edited by: miss calendar at: 4/17/03 10:58:09 am

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello, all. Some final responses and then the update.



Miss Calendar: First of all, no apologies necessary for getting immersed in such a fantastic story as "The Dark Rose." I certainly did it myself. Yes, clearly a lot of us have some seriously arched eyebrows with the various loopholes of logic in S-5; as Russ notes, however, it really did seem to come together. In considering why, I think that for me it had to do w/ the characters. I was so invested in their lives and challenges that I was willing to go along w/ some particularly glaring gaps. As DMW mentioned, those gaps do lend themselves to myriad interpretations and alterations of story. One question I always had about the ritual: Nobody noticed that big ol' honkin' tower in the middle of town? I mean, the gang walked there; it's not like they had to catch a plane. And here again we are left to marvel at the cluelessness of the Sunnydale populace...



Consider me your comrade in consternation at the ignorance and tackiness of viola jokes. If anyone makes one in my vicinity (admittedly not likely, since psychologists aren't necessarily in the "know" re: the music world), I shall fix them with a withering glare and inform them that my fellow Kitten plays viola. Then I shall stalk off, leaving them abashed and ashamed.



Enjoy the retreat--can I ask what "Green Tara" refers to? The name alone sounds infinitely appealing...Thanks for the good thoughts.



DarkMagicWillow: And now I will spend the night thinking about demon gestation periods. Oh yeah...thanks...I'm glad you have answers to this whole Key business, 'cuz frankly the more I think about it, the more frustrated I become at the lack of consistency. I suspect that's because I'm less generous toward the show in general these days, versus when I first watched S-5. Can't wait to see what emerges from your pen.



Russ: You have an intriguing perspective on the notion of alternate realities; the thing that vexes me about this depiction of it is that one reality was created at a later point in time and used to eclipse the previous one. Ah, my mind spins...See my comments to Miss Calendar and DMW re: how much leniency we all showed ME and the show back when S-5 first aired.



Oh--the Veruca question--I was definitely being tongue in cheek there. I always found it very self-serving that his form of keeping her from the populace involved locking her in the cage with him--knowing full well he wanted to do the big nasty with her. Yeah, he did keep them from munching the population--but what did they munch in its stead?



Suse, My Muse,

I could scarce confuse your kind words.

May the story that follows be of such ilk that words flow like honey, flow like silk until you smile, my friend

And realize again

that Duran Duran never really left us, did they?



I can't even tell you how much I love reading your thoughts!



And now--l'update. I know, BFR and Washi--not really legitimate French.



Thanks,

[AntigoneUnbound]

Gods Served and Abandoned

Disclaimers:
I don’t own these characters, though I am attempting to replicate their genetic make-ups in a highly covert and quite possibly delusional experiment.

Spoilers:
Up to season 5. I’ve played slightly with the timing of a certain Big Bad’s appearance, with some implications for Dawn’s entrance.

Rating:
R for now; if it changes, I’ll give heads-up.

Distribution:
Sure, with acknowledgement.

Feedback:
No. None. (Kidding—just wanted to see if people were still reading this part.)


*****
Part 24
*****


"Do we have time to get coffee?"

"We’ll make time to get coffee." Tara’s answer came swiftly and decisively. "That part’s non-negotiable."

"Duly noted, Most Beautifully Caffeine-Addicted One. It just means we have to leave within ten minutes if we want to get there on time."

Tara’s hands stopped on their ascent to clasp her necklace, as she looked at Willow with amusement. "Will, Sweetie, have you ever been late for anything, ever?"

"Have I ever been late?" Willow snorted. "Pshaw…I’m late all the time. I’ve gotten so laid back I’m practically horizontal."

"Name one time," Tara challenged, fastening the leather cord.

Willow furrowed her brow, searching her memory banks for the surprisingly elusive funds. "Well, um, I was late last month," she finally asserted defiantly.

"Late for what?" Tara asked in bewilderment.

"You know…late." When Tara only continued to stare at her, Willow added, her voice heavy with significance, "I was
late—for my cycle. I was supposed to get my period on the 17th, and it didn’t show up until the 20th. See? Late."

Tara fixed her with her most withering gaze. "Oh, yeah—we were so worried you might be pregnant. Each of us thought the other had taken care of the birth control." Seeing Willow’s injured look, she smiled and pulled her girlfriend into her arms. "How do you manage to make neurotic idiosyncrasies so endearing?" she asked, rubbing her nose against Willow’s, "when somebody like Martha Stewart just makes me want to push her in front of a snow blower?" At Willow’s horrified expression, she added, "Metaphorically, that is."

Slightly mollified, Willow replied with a shrug, "I just wrap all the neurotic parts up in the most appealing package I can muster, and then I throw in really, really good sex, just to be sure."

"Works like a charm," Tara laughed, pulling her jacket off of the stand. "And now, fair maiden, let us away to Sir Giles’ humble dwelling."

Pulling the door closed behind her, Willow added, "Whence we can learn of ever-more perplexing goings-on involving mystical balls of energy made flesh."

*****

Half an hour later, they met up with Xander and Anya, settling down onto Giles’ over-stuffed couch with small plates of scones. In response to their unspoken question, Giles noted, "Buffy and Dawn will be here in just a few minutes. Buffy called earlier to say that she needed to go to the drug store first and pick up some new medication for her mother."

"Is Mrs. Summers still feeling bad?" Tara asked, concern evident in her voice.

"I’m afraid so," Giles replied slowly. Willow thought she saw his hand tremble just slightly as he poured himself more tea. "Her head-aches have gotten worse; they’re talking about giving her another MRI, as well as two or three more intrusive procedures." He sighed. "I’m frankly surprised Buffy’s holding up as well as she is, considering all the added responsibilities she now has at home."

"Including Dawn," Xander commented. "She sorta combines work and family, in that ‘Damn it, doesn’t this ever get easier?’ kinda way. Now, with her mom sick, Buffy feels like she has to handle that on her own."

"I agree," Giles nodded. "And Buffy’s mother has always been a source of great comfort and strength to her."

"Especially since she came out," Willow added. Giles plunked the lovely porcelain tea pot down with rather less grace than he might have wished.

"Excuse me—did I miss something?" His eyebrows had lodged near his hairline.

"I mean since she told her mom about being the Slayer," Willow explained, remembering Joyce’s initial disbelief and attempts to persuade Buffy that she could change.

"Ah, yes—I can see the parallel," Giles concurred. "But instead of discovering whom her daughter loved, Joyce learned that Buffy would face unspeakable dangers almost every night." He paused, his eyes filling with admiration and sadness and something else that Willow suspected he didn’t realize himself. "She handled such momentous news with more grace and courage than even I had believed possible."

He worships her. He totally adores her, and he doesn’t even know it.

Willow suddenly felt desperately sad for all of the love that would never see the light of day under the constant threat of the Hell Mouth. Without conscious intention, she snuggled more closely to Tara, wanting to wrap herself around her beloved and keep her within her sight at all times, lest the heedless machinations of evil try to take her away.

Tara looked at her, a question in her eyes. Willow just gave her a tiny smile and rested her head on Tara’s shoulder.

Silence held sway for a few moments, everyone lost in their own inner worlds of questions and fears and hopes. When Buffy’s knock sounded on the door, there was a collective start within the room.

Dawn hadn’t seen Giles, Xander or Anya since Buffy’s disclosure. Now, she stood hesitantly just inside the door, looking from one person to another. Finally, she decided to focus on Willow and Tara, fixing them with a slight smile. Tara held out her hand, inviting Dawn to join them on the couch. Before she could reach them, however, Giles stepped forward tentatively.

"Dawn," he began, as she looked at him almost warily. "I just to say…I want you to know…" He shook his head as if angry at his fumbling. Willow noticed that Dawn’s eyes were beginning to fill with tears. Finally, the Watcher reached out and rested one hand gently on her shoulder, looking at her steadily. "Dawn, I’m glad you’re here."

He was offering her two gifts with his words, Willow realized, and she prayed that Dawn would let herself accept both of them.After a moment, she nodded briefly, and Giles took one step closer to the slender girl before him and wrapped her gently into his arms. Dawn froze for an instant, and then she was hugging him fiercely, tears sliding down her cheeks. "Thank you," she mumbled against his sweater vest.

Xander, as if reassured by this scene, came up to the two of them. As soon as they separated, he pulled Dawn close and said quietly, "Love you, Dawnster." They stood rocking for several moments. Anya seemed uncertain as to what she should do; probably, Willow surmised, because Anya really wanted to do this right. Finally, the ex-demon moved hesitantly to Xander’s side. As Dawn pulled back from Xander, wiping her eyes, Anya began tentatively, "Um, Dawn…" Willow realized that everyone was watching this particular exchange with bated breath. "I just want to say that it totally weirded me out to go from being human to demon and then back to human again, and I’ve had over a millennium of practice. So if you ever want to talk about it or just bitch a little, I’m here. I’m especially good at bitching," she added, with greater confidence. Her eyes widened with surprise as Dawn first took her hand and then hugged her. A relieved smile worked its way across her face.


She’s so glad she didn’t mess it up. Stuff like this, she does worry about saying the wrong thing. Willow felt one of her increasingly frequent flashes of warmth for the person who had made her acquaintance by trying to cast Sunnydale back into a world of evil and darkness.

Buffy had watched all of this from several feet away. She seemed to be looking at Dawn with a mixture of protectiveness and fear. Willow caught her eye, and mouthed the words "It’s OK." Buffy just smiled uncertainly and shrugged.

Dawn sank onto the end of the sofa, where she squeezed Willow’s hand and murmured, "If I'm a key, maybe I really unlock people’s inner warm fuzzies."

Willow grinned. "We’re kinda sappy that way."

"So I noticed," Dawn replied, rolling her eyes, but her voice belied her relief and happiness at the outpouring of affection.

"So—as much as we would prefer not to, we should discuss Glory’s plans for Dawn," Giles said reluctantly.

"Plans which will see the light of day over my dead body." Buffy spoke for the first time since her arrival, and her words evoked an anxiety so strong that none of them could speak of it. Dawn, Willow noticed, simply looked down at the rug as if wishing she could blend into the intricate fibers and emerge when the world made sense again.

Seeing the tension, Buffy added, "Glory doesn’t get within a country mile of my sister; that’s all there is to it."

Willow was startled to see the sullen expression that darted across Dawn’s face. If she says Buffy’s not her sister, I’ll scream. But the diminutive brunette said nothing. Willow couldn’t believe that Dawn would resent the very person who was sworn to protect her with her life.

"That would certainly be the best plan," Giles was saying, resuming his position at his desk. "Glory needs Dawn’s energy for some reason. However, we don’t know what that reason is just yet. Glory will try to learn the form and location of the Key; of that we can be most certain."

"OK, so this is all very confusing," Willow frowned. "The Key is essentially energy, right?"

"That basically captures it, yes," Giles nodded.

"And the monks, in order to hide it, made it human, right?"

"That’s correct."

"And just to be doubly safe, they made the Key into the Slayer’s sister, knowing she’d protect her with her life. Still right?"

"As always, Willow, you understand it as well as I do." Giles smiled at her affectionately.

"Well, I have to say—those were some stupid-ass monks," Willow huffed.

"Excuse me?" Giles started, as everyone stared.

"Oh come on—these guys have been protecting the Key for how many millennia now? Don’t you think they could have come up with something a little more sophisticated?" Catching herself, she looked guiltily at Dawn. "I mean, most of all, I can’t imagine Dawn not being with us. So in that sense, I don’t want to seem all snotty or disapproving about their game plan. But from a logical perspective, why would they make it mortal in the first place? In the second place—and this is the part that really gets me—why would they send it here? Why would they plunk her right down on the Hell Mouth, where she’d be in the most danger? And they make her Buffy’s sister…Buffy, who doesn’t exactly lead a quiet life." She shook her head at the improbability of it all. "Why not make the Key a ball of lint in a dryer in Finland somewhere?" she asked in bewilderment.

"Finnish dryer lint?" Giles scoffed. "That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard."

"Well, I’m not saying it should have been lint; I’m just saying that it could have been lint. And what do you have against Finland, anyway?" she demanded, even as a small voice in her head suggested that perhaps they were getting off the subject.

"Will, the monks said they knew Buffy would protect it with her life," Xander reminded her. "That’s why they sent Dawn here."

"But if they’d sent her somewhere else, she wouldn’t need to be protected by the Slayer. They could have sent her somewhere else, in some form that Glory would never discover." She looked once again at Dawn, knowing that her words were painful for the girl beside her. But she needed to know; she needed to understand. She had never been comfortable with the kind of "Hell if I know, let’s just fight it" approach taken by Xander and even Buffy, to some degree. "Dawn, you know that I wouldn’t trade you for anything, don’t you?" she asked urgently. "I just wanna understand this as much as I can, in order to fight it." Dawn gave her a sad shrug by way of response. Aching, Willow gripped her hand.

"I agree there are parts of this that don’t make a great deal of sense," Giles acknowledged, sipping his tea with his customary thoughtfulness. "On the other hand, your questions may be moot. The facts remain: the monks transformed the Key into human form, namely Dawn; they sent Dawn to Buffy—to all of us—in order that she might be most fiercely protected." He looked at Dawn and added quietly, "And so she shall be."

But Dawn merely gave an almost imperceptible nod, and continued staring at the rug. Willow started at the sound of Tara’s voice next to her. "Dawn, you know we’ll protect you, don’t you?" From her proximity, Willow could see Dawn’s jaw working furiously as she fought to choke back her emotions. After a moment, she turned to face Tara.

"I know you’ll protect me, Tara—all of you, especially you, Buffy," she said, despair in her eyes as she looked at them all in turn. Finally her gaze rested on her sister. "But—it’s so hard…Not just being the Key, although that pretty much out-sucks anything else I’ve been through." She paused, trying to collect her emotions. "It’s like I go from being a burden because I’m the tag-along younger sister to being a really huge, scary, awful burden becauseif anything happens to me, for all we know the world ends." She swiped at her eyes with the hem of her sleeves. "Just once, I wish I’d walk into a room and know that everyone there was glad to see me." She fell utterly silent.

Willow drew a shaky breath and rested her hand tentatively on the younger girl’s back. When Dawn didn’t shrink from the touch, she rubbed gentle circles across the light blue fabric.

How can I get her to see that we’ve all felt that way, at least all of us besides Buffy? I’ll bet even Giles was an outsider when he was younger, all tweedy and obsessed with vampires and demons. How many times had she walked into the cafeteria as a girl and sat down alone because it was too humiliating to stand there and hope somebody would wave to her? How many birthday parties had she attended where she could tell that the only reason she’d been invited was because the kid’s mother had insisted on it?

But Dawn was beyond easy consolation right now; beyond any assurances that she wasn’t as alone as she believed. She gazed helplessly at Tara, hoping that she would have some idea of what to do. Tara was looking at Dawn with sad, gentle eyes.

"Sweetie, even if I tell you that I am glad to see you, whenever I see you, you won’t believe me. Right now it would just feel like empty words. But I am—even if you don’t believe it, I know it’s true." She faltered briefly. "I just hope—I hope you try to hang onto that, at least a little bit, until you start to feel it inside."

Dawn seemed to be spiraling into anger now, though; Willow could feel the bitterness start to roll off of her. "Maybe you feel that way, Tara, but that’s only because you don’t live with me." She threw a venomous look at Buffy. "My sister, though—it’s pretty clear she wishes I weren’t in the picture."

Buffy recoiled as if slapped. "How can you say that?" she asked, her voice equal parts shock and frustration.

"It’s not hard to tell," Dawn retorted. "You walk around all upset and stressed out; you’re always trying to figure out what to do about me. You never tell me what’s going on. You get angry at me if I do the littlest thing." She crossed her arms and dropped sullenly back into the couch.

For a moment Willow thought that Buffy might actually hyperventilate. She’d never seen her best friend look so agitated. Finally, she crossed the room and came to stand in front of her younger sister.

"In the first place, I’m stressed out because I have this little gig where I fight vampires all the time. It gets me a little tense, I guess; maybe I should switch to decaf. In the second place, yes, I’m upset about you and I’m trying to figure out what to do about you because you’re my sister and I love you and the thought of anything happening to you makes me so crazy I think I’ll just explode. You want to know what’s going on? Hell, I don’t know what’s going on half the time, Dawn. I’m making this up as I go along and I’m ashamed to admit it because I’m supposed to know. I’m supposed to have everything figured out when it comes to the scary stuff. But OK, I’d want in on the intell more myself if I were you, so I’ll try to do a better job at it." She stopped, and closed her eyes for a moment before leaning forward to peer at the girl on the sofa in front of her. "And as far as getting mad at you for every little thing? That is because you’re a fourteen-year-old girl who gets into my stuff and spills soda on my leather pants—which you are so not allowed to borrow—and you don’t tell me about it so the pants get ruined. And I think, in the middle of all this chaos and mayhem and danger, is it really expecting too much that my favorite pants not get carbonated gunk all over them? Is it?" And with that final question, so obviously rhetorical in her mind, Buffy sat down on the coffee table in front of them, narrowly missing the dish of jam for the scones.

A heavy silence hung over them all, each wondering what words might come flying next. Willow tightened her grip on Tara’s hand; turning, she saw that Tara was crying openly. My baby has seen too much family drama in the past few days.

Looking back at Buffy and Dawn, barely two feet apart and staring each other down like miniature bulls, Willow realized that she was holding her breath, not wanting any sound to disrupt the quiet before one of the sisters did.

After an interval that was far too long for Willow’s comfort, Dawn tilted her head just slightly. Almost inaudibly, she muttered, "I tried to get the soda off your pants. I just didn’t know how. I panicked."

Stealing a quick glance at her best friend, Willow saw a faint ripple of relief wash over her face, before she replied, "Well, one crazy idea might have been to ask Mom about it; or hey—you could have done something really extreme and taken them to a dry-cleaner."

"Spent all my allowance on clothes," Dawn shrugged, finally meeting Buffy’s eyes.

"Of course you did," Buffy replied, rolling her eyes. "There’s something totally unpredictable…to anyone who’s had their brainstem filled with Slurpee mix."

So one apocalypse, of the emotional variety, has been averted. Let’s see if we can go 2-for-2.

Dawn gave Buffy a small conciliatory grin. Buffy, in turn, proceeded to swing around and wiggle her way onto the couch, creating a space between Willow and Dawn. "Make room, ladies. We got one more on board."

The force of said wiggling left Willow, not reluctantly, half-sprawled over Tara’s chest. "Hey, Buff," she said, in feigned chagrin, "watch the hips."

"Sorry," the Slayer said, cheerfully, draping one arm over Dawn’s shoulder. "Slayer strength and all."

"More like Slayer ass," Willow grumbled, but was hardly in a mood to begrudge her friend’s forcefulness, especially since it paid off so handsomely for her in the form of being practically pasted onto Tara’s very receptive body. She looked up to see Tara smiling at her, the darkening of her eyes telling Willow that her girlfriend was thinking very naughty thoughts. Suddenly it seemed to her that they had been at Giles for quite long enough, even though they had generated no game plan.

Plan, shman—I wanna go home and heat up some Tara-Tots. This breast woman is hungry.

As Giles cleared his throat in a peremptory fashion, however, she realized that the meeting was far from adjourned. "Again, as much as I hate to say this, we really should talk more about Glory…what we know, what we suspect, and especially how we fight her."

Buffy looked up, tightening her grip on Dawn’s shoulder. "Well, I can tell you that she’s stronger than anybody I’ve ever fought, with the possible exception of Adam. When I went up against him at the end, I had three other people lending me their particular ass-kicking strengths. But at the warehouse, when I found the monk…nothing seemed to faze her, not even a little bit. The worst part is, I almost had the sense she was playing with me. I mean, I have this very unpleasant feeling that I was lucky to get out." Looking at Dawn, she added, "All of which just means that we have to look extra hard to find Waldo. She has a weakness; we just have to find it."

"Could there be more than one Key?" Anya spoke for the first time since greeting Dawn.

"I don’t think so," Buffy replied slowly. "From what the monk said, the Key’s pretty much a one-shot deal." Giving Dawn a sardonic smile, she added, "I’ve always said there could be only one Dawn Summers." Dawn smirked in return and kicked her.

"So, then, we know that Glory—" Giles was interrupted by the ringing of the telephone. "Oh—excuse me just a moment." He answered softly, "Hello?"

He frowned suddenly in confusion. "Buffy Summers? May I ask who’s calling?"

Willow watched, her blood growing colder with each second, as Giles’ face grew pale. "Yes, yes—of course. Just a moment." Placing the receiver against his chest, he spoke with difficulty. "Buffy, it’s the hospital. It’s your mother."

******


To Be Continued

[JustSkipIt]

Well you don’t want feedback? Hmmm, too bad. You get it anyway. Ha ha.



Ok, I’m first



Ok, I like this part very much although it doesn’t seem to be inciting the same mental calisthenics for me that the last part did. First, the typically cute and endearing W&T interactions. Then the scene at Giles’. What I love about it most is the way that the focus has suddenly (or not so suddenly) shifted from Tara to Dawn but it is the exact same thing! For both it is about family and acceptance and being part of the family. For both girls, the important thing is that their family (the scoobies) is so accepting and loving. Even Anya who is not a caricature but a real person trying to say and do the right thing against all her natural impulses.



However,

Quote:

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"She handled such momentous news with more grace and courage than even I had believed possible.”

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What a bunch of hooey! She handled it with what? She handled it with rejection and anger. She made it all about her and kicked Buffy out. Then she was upset that Buffy took her seriously. Of course she took it seriously! Geez.



The other thing, I know that sometimes the scoobies like to talk everything to death (sometimes not nearly enough) and that their midst being filled with 2.5 lesbians, they have a tendancy to talking everything to death and then past that… but. Geez folks, shut up about Dawn being the key already. Say “the key” as if you don’t know what or who it is. Like there is no chance that the little warty hobbit things are at the windows? We know that they will be so stop talking about it outloud. Get a grip folks!



Ok, I gotta go. Great part for the way it sets up the remainder of the season. Awesome Mary. (thanks for putting aside the work time). Debra

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"People have the power to redeem the work of fools." - Patti Smith

Edited by: JustSkipIt at: 4/17/03 3:51:41 pm

[Patches]

Ah, dear Mary - what can I say ... splendid, magnificent, glorious, oh and somewhere I have to fit in excellent! Let's see if I grab the yellow jersey again. I'll be back later with more acolades and supplications for MORE.



Cheers!!

Patches



ETA

Ah, dear Mary - what more can I say ... BRAVO, superb and resplendent, oh and somewhere I have to fit in most excellent writing!



And, oh yes, damn it! I need to take a speed-reading (and basic spelling) course or something! Oh well, I guess I have more time to think of more wonderful things to say about your writing. The story is compelling on so many levels. While there are elements to this story I’ve found profoundly disturbing at times, primarily for the unexpected emotions and lost memories the story has invoked, I’ve become quite attached to your characters and to your story. In a matter of a few months, you have moved them so far beyond their original limitations that they are unique creations, worthy of much more investment than the ‘originals,’ which now seem like cardboard cut outs.



Oh p’shaw ignoring feedback, ego strokes are such fun. I know you grow ever so weary of people harping on and on about how much they love your Scoobie interactions. Well suck it up grrl, you wrote it; you have to learn to take it! You know consequences for actions and all that. (lol) I’m delighted that you are carrying the story forward, beyond the limits of the original “Family” backdrop. I admire your ability to handle RL stresses while continuing to write this wonderful story. In response to your feedback from the last chapter, ah, I must say, I do so love to make women blush – it’s a good reason to wake up in the morning, don’t ‘cha think (nyark :o). But on to the (other) fun stuff.



Well, well - dryer lint hum? I guess that's out because I suspect the Key is somewhat of an animated being, whereas lint is inanimate object, although Finland might have been a better choice than the Hellmouth. However, one might be tempted to cut the poor Monks a little slack. They were a little under pressure to do something, since Glory beating down their door was a precursor to beating them to a pulp. Perhaps it was a rash decision, but gosh darn it, they had to act quickly, so why not plunk the Key on the Hellmouth. After all, what better way to hide a secret than to put it in plain view. Besides, it’s all happenstance. Suppose the Key, cleverly disguised as dyer lint, happens to latch on to the sweater of some unsuspecting Finnish hockey player, who attends an international competition and is so taken by one of the lovely American players, who happens to live in California, who coincidentally has a cousin who goes to U Sunnydale, that after a night of warming international relations between Finland and the US, said sweater ends up in the possession of the American hockey player, whose cousin is visiting for the weekend and accidentally takes the sweater home to Sunnydale with her; whereupon the cousin, now in possession of the Key in the form of a Finnish lint infested sweater, encounters Glory, who proceeds to mind-suck her, and as the newly mind-sucked minion/cousin points to the little ball of dyer lint on her sweater and says, “It’s so beautiful, such pure green energy,” Glory comes into possession of the Key, and ends the world. Honestly now, you don’t think the monks would have taken that kind of a risk, now do you?



You just know the Key had to end up in Sunnydale; besides if it hadn’t, we wouldn’t be treated to such wonderful ruminations on the nature of reality, altered states/realities and a few long forgotten physics lessons. Not to mention some rather interesting musings about gestating werewolves



But enough of the spurious hyperbole and on to the real fun, which is delving into the deepening layers of this story. Mary, you do have a delightful flair for the comedic and the dramatic, which is one of the things I love most about your writing and your style. I’m never really sure, from one moment to the next, what you’re going to throw at us with every broadening emotional highs and lows. Beyond the plot, it’s the little things you do with the characters that makes reading so enjoyable. You never seem to forget where people are, and what emotions are driving them. Of all the interactions with Dawn, which in its entirety is a wonderful scene, the ones that really had me smiling were Giles and Anya. Although not established as such in your story, we are rather uncomfortably familiar with Giles’ stand on Dawn, so his acceptance of her here is a nice change of pace. Anya’s response was both brilliant and inspired. I guess she would have an interesting take on the whole used to be immortal, but now am human gig.



Willow’s observation that they were all, at some point, outcasts was also a nice touch. It’s an aspect of the story that sometimes gets lost in the telling of heroic deeds. Each character does have a personal basis for understanding Dawn’s emotional and identity conflict. I’d drawn the parallel between Dawn and Tara’s uncertain beginnings and recent tribulations, but I’d not really thought about the other Scoobies.



Okay, so let’s talk about the ending, shall we? Mary, Mary, Mary, you are so fucking evil sometimes! After that wonderfully uplifting scene, how can you possibly leave us with that kind of an ending? The sudden intrusion of the phone call and the sheer angst of knowing the BtVS version of events almost made me cry. Talk about a rapid emotional crash. God you are nasty.



Wonderful story telling Mary, simply wonderful!



Cheers Again!!

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 4/17/03 9:23:28 pm

[darkmagicwillow]

I like how open everyone is about Dawn's coming out, if we can call it that for Keys as well as Slayers, in your version of season 5. We get to see the Scooby friendship here that we loved in the early seasons, even from Anya, who's probably the person furthest from the Scooby core. However, there's more than warm fuzzies here; there's also a bond that will be needed to hold the group together through the crisis. Season 5 rotted away the core of the Scooby gang, leaving them with just enough strength to fight Glory, but without the strength necessary for growth and recovery afterwards.



I loved Willow's questions about the Key, of course. There's a lot of good funny lines and moments in this chapter that help relieve the serious business of Dawn's coming out and finding her new place among the people that she had thought she had known all her life. I especially liked Willow's lateness, thinking back to our discussion of werewolf gestation and I couldn't help remembering a line from Dawn's in Unexpected Consequences: "Someone should have told Willow and Tara about safe sex." I think there are enough family problems without worrying about Willow being pregnant too though. (-;

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"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[Puff]

Well where to start? I hope giving feedback is ok And yes we still all read that bit...or I do at least. What a wonderful update. I hope that doesn't sound redundant by now.



I loved so many lines in this from...

Quote:

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"I just wrap all the neurotic parts up in the most appealing package I can muster, and then I throw in really, really good sex, just to be sure."

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to the comment about Tara tots. It had such brilliant little moments of humor. Which was good because the whole update had the shadow of Joyce and her illness running through it, and Dawn's pain.



I really liked how Willow said that Buffy telling Joyce about being the slayer was like coming out. And it was great (if a little sad) to read about Giles strong feelings for Joyce.



Thank you for this update Mary.

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Cheese. It's milk that you chew.

Edited by: Puff  at: 4/17/03 7:15:24 pm

[Washi]

Mary, yet another great part!

But the cliffhanger was mean. I'll be able to live though, if you update soon.

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"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa

[TemperedCynic]

Fourteen-year-old kids beg for attention from their peers. The first time Dawn's peers pay attention to her, she wishes that they wouldn't. Knowing that her existence is a question mark, how can she deal with her mother's illness, Buffy's calling and her Keyness? Still, this Dawn copes with grace and wisdom, only allowing her frustration to boil over towards Buffy. Her big sister states her own case very well. Dawn does understand, but she doesn't want to be left behind, either. Talk centering around Glory shows how little is known about her. Finally, Joyce's illness shatters the calm. A wonderful read.



Allow RL to resolve itself. We'll be waiting.

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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen (1935 - )

[The Rose24]

This is a good update for tying up loose ends.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[shuyaku]

Quote:

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Plan, shman—I wanna go home and heat up some Tara-Tots. This breast woman is hungry.

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I think I pulled a muscle laughing at this



Another great update (I know you said you didn't want any feedback - too bad ) I'm really looking forward to how 'your' scoobies deal with Glory...



-shuyaku

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello, all. As usual, your feedback makes me think even more deeply about all of this, which really sucks because I prefer to go through life as vacuously as possible. Oh, well…cogito, ergo cum, and yes, I know what I wrote. Thanks for your continued involvement and encouragement.



Debra: You know, if you do too many mental calisthenics, you’ll pull something not easily rehabbed…Yes, the parallels b/w the various "family" constituencies are definitely intentional. When I started this story, I didn’t really anticipate how much symmetry I would end up incorporating. Typically, no one’s more surprised by what emerges on the screen than I am…You’re right—Joyce’s initial reaction left much to be desired. But leaving the parallel to coming out aside for the moment (and I confess that I loved Joyce’s "Slayer Pride March" comment back in S-2), the woman really was getting devastating news: her daughter was apparently "called" to a life that would quite possibly get her killed, perhaps within the next 24 hours. I think part of Giles’ selective memory is a function of his feelings for Joyce. He does seem to be glossing rather conveniently over the fact that when he told Joyce she mustn’t blame herself (back in 3.1), she replied that she blamed him. I love your very prudent observations about the value of discretion when discussing the Key’s identity; preferably, they would try to act as if they didn’t know themselves. A little reticence never hurt anyone, unless you count people who won’t give their blood type information to the emergency room physicians, and yes, that’s a ludicrous example. It’s late. I should be in bed. Thanks for the great feedback, Debra, and you're right—I do want it. You saw right through my pitiful sham…



Patches: Again, good soul, you make me blush—late at night, this time, in the privacy of my office! You’re too kind…I’m so glad that these characters are becoming real and important to you; as you know, I’m a very character-driven writer, and your words are an immense validation. But me, grow tired of praise? You must have me confused with a truly humble person. I really appreciate the kind words about the Scooby meetings. It felt like the focus definitely needed to be on Dawn, Buffy, Willow, and Tara (w/ a side order of Giles), but I wanted everyone present so that they’d be on the same page.



You wrote the most fantastic scenario of how Finnish dryer lint could end up in Sunnydale, Patches! As I read it, I kept laughing, even while I was saying to myself, "Yeah, that could happen!" Even apart from the humor, which I loved, you capture the element of random occurrence so very well. As you pointed out, we needed Dawn to end up in SD for plot purposes; I’ve been intrigued, though, by how many people have really had questions w/ this particular plot’s logistics, more than most others.



Evil? For a phone call? I don’t know what you’re talking about. The hospital is just calling to ask what flavor Jello Mrs. Summers prefers, in the off chance she has to go back at any point. What’s so evil about that?



Again, Patches, your feedback just rocks, as do you. Thanks so much for your careful reading and for your encouragement.



DarkMagicWillow: You know, I really struggled w/ how to write the group in this scene. On the one hand, I didn’t want to paint them all as saints; on the other, the reactions of people like Xander and Anya aren’t as central to this story as most other aspects. I don’t want to create a vanilla-based menu of shiny happy people, but I also didn’t want to devote a lot of time to the gang’s reaction. That may have been short-sighted on my part; I’m not sure.



I thought you’d enjoy Willow’s question re: the Key. Considering the great observations and speculations that have taken place lately about all of this, I just couldn’t resist including some aspects thereof. Glad you liked the "lateness" element—I definitely had that in mind, considering our recent exchanges about werewolf sex.



Thanks for the good thoughts, DMW, and I can’t wait to read where you take all of this in your own story.



Puff: OK, first things first: I have to know what adorns the heads of our most wonderful girls in your picture. Every time I look at it, I’m entranced. Info, please? Yeah, I definitely have to add humor in order to balance out the sadness and angst. It keeps me from going insane (in life as well as in writing); moreover, when I read it in someone else’s work, it makes me appreciate the full impact of the sad stuff even more. Thanks for writing, Puff, and for the kind words.



Washi: Cliff-hanger? What cliff-hanger? Oh—you mean that part about the hospital calling about Joyce and Giles getting all upset and…never mind. I’m sure it’s nothing…Glad you enjoyed the update, mon amie! (Forgive me if I’ve added an "e" in error!)



TemperedCynic: Thanks for the support about the real life stuff, TC. You know, I didn’t want to write Dawn as a saint, but I wasn’t sure how much time to devote to her particular gamut of reactions. The truth is, I’m sure anyone in that particular situation would endure a roller-coaster of emotions; they’d hardly reach "full fruition" on their coping within 2-3 conversations. She lets herself direct her anger at Buffy—I chose that b/c of my theory that people (especially younger people and children) vent their anger at the care-taker or guardian or parent that they know they’re actually on safest ground with. Dawn knows that Buffy will always be there for her, even though so much is in flux. She definitely trusts the others, esp. Willow and Tara, but Buffy’s her sister, even if the monks say otherwise. Buffy has to stick around for her, no matter how bratty she gets. That theory may be completely invalid, but I’m playing around w/ it. Thanks for the encouragement, TC.



Rose: Glad you liked the update, although I seem to be creating new problems every time I clear up an old one. Hmm…Thanks for writing!



Shuyaku: Yeah, I let myself have a wee grin when I was writing Willow’s internal "Tara-Tots" dialogue. Glad you liked it! How will these Scoobies deal w/ Glory? The answer, Shuyaku, is: Hell if I know. But I’ll try to figure it out. Thanks for the good thoughts.



More later,

Mary