Okay...I'm catching up on a whole lot of stuff here. And when I've finished feedback-ing, I'm going to go off and berate myself for missing several parts of this compelling story. There may be flagellation involved. Possibly a hair shirt. I haven't decided yet. Ahem.
Part 24Quote:
Willow suddenly felt desperately sad for all of the love that would never see the light of day under the constant threat of the Hell Mouth. Without conscious intention, she snuggled more closely to Tara, wanting to wrap herself around her beloved and keep her within her sight at all times, lest the heedless machinations of evil try to take her away.
I love this paragraph. It made me terribly sad, and yet, at the same time, terribly proud of Willow and Tara, and by default, all of the other Scoobies too. The mere fact that by definition of their surroundings, they strive to hold some semblance of a "normal" life, and do form relationships, and love, perhaps, more than other people. Their love is probably stronger, because it seems in such short supply on the Hellmouth. The fact of the situation is that it's abundant in this fic; you've covered so many different types of love between these characters and shown the many ways in which they cling to their common bonds of affection and emotion in spite of the mortal danger that is constantly haunting them. It's a wonderful contrast, that here Willow is mourning for the love that might never see the light of day, whilst at the same time, confirming that that love does indeed exist, and grows stronger under the shadows cast by the existence and prevalence of evil in their lives. You express that wonderfully (much better than I just have, heh) here, and in a simple movement, underline the fact that Willow and Tara's love survives above all. It's very touching, very affirming and also very sad at the same time.
And then you do the most wonderful thing; you take that aching moment where true love is expressed between Dawn and Buffy, and you make it into a humourous exchange. This not only reminds me of the show at its best, but also brings out the essential characterisation of Buffy. It's easy for me to love the Buffy you write, just as it was easy for me to love the Buffy who wanted to protect Dawn in Season 5. I remember that one of my favourite lines was when Buffy said she would be the last thing Dawn saw, fighting to defend her, when Glory opened the barriers between worlds. That always summed up the depth of emotion passing between sisters, and here you've captured that in humour. In this chapter, your exploration of that bond seems even more pertinent, because you're focusing on the one thing that's a decisive factor; that Dawn is, essentially, a teenager. Having Buffy recognise that, and her speech was emotional and touching in itself, is an amazing leap from talking about "The Key" and what it does. Buffy reminds us, the readers, as well as the other characters, that Dawn is human (at least, visibly and emotionally) and that she's just a girl. I love how you change the tone of this scene from anxiety to love in the space of a short speech from Buffy. That's absolutely amazing.
***
Part 25Oh dear lord. I'm taking off my glasses and cleaning them right now, as a matter of fact. I have certain things that never fail to strike a chord with me. Joyce, her illness and resulting death is one of them. Whenever I watch old episodes with Joyce in them, I feel an overwhelming sense of how much I miss her. She was one of the mainstays of the show, you know? I can't honestly watch much of Season 5 without starting to mourn for her all over again. Sigh.
You were right when you said this chapter was intense. But it's so much more than that. It's horribly sad, and very real. I think the opening, seeing the hospital through Tara's eyes was a major change of viewpoint for me. I know she had that whole scene with Buffy in
The Body, but this establishes her fear and involvement with the situation from the get go, and in doing that, you've only managed to compound the inherent empathy that Tara establishes here.
Her silence when Buffy is talking about what to do with her mother is palpable. There's so much emotion going on under the surface, namely connected with guilt, I think. Buffy's already having pre-guilty feelings about taking her mother off the machines, and god, that's a heartbreaking decision she's considering here and you cover that so very well. The fact that relations between the Summers sisters, confirmed and strengthened in the last part of the fic, are entirely broken and destroyed here, is really touching and sad. Just when Buffy thought she was proving to Dawn how much she loved her, she's now the object of Dawn's terror and anger about her mother. Having to take the responsibility to effectively end her mother's half-life as is, is a burden that she's never had to shoulder as a Slayer. And as a human, as a daughter, and most of all, as a big sister, it's killing her right here, and you express that wonderfully.
The scene with Tara and Dawn is wonderful. And I think I'd have liked to have seen something similar to this in the show. Given that Tara's been through this situation, and given that she's as close to Dawn as she clearly is, she's the perfect character to give the teenager a wake up call. I've always found that Tara, when written well, appears much stronger and confident in fanfic than she ever did in the show. Here, she's not afraid to face down Dawn's anger and explain her feelings away, giving the girl some sense of reality to the situation. Her repeated question of "what if things don't get better?" is so very persistent and awful at the same time.
Quote:
She gripped Dawn’s shoulders. "I did let my mother die! She went through so much chemotherapy, so much radiation that by the end there was practically nothing left of the woman I knew…nothing except her eyes and her smile and her mind, and she used that mind to decide she wanted to come home and die there. Do you think that’s what I wanted? You think I wouldn’t have walked to hell and back just to see her smile at me one more time? But she knew what she wanted, and she could decide for herself. Your mom doesn’t have her mind, Dawn. Her mind is already gone. Except she told Buffy what she wanted, and now you have to grow up even more and face that fact."
Sigh.
Someone really needed to tell Dawn all of this. Someone needed to bring that stark reality into her life and to point out that loss is a part of everyone's life. I think this is probably a really important moment in the relationship between Tara and Dawn, in light of the fact that Dawn is realising she's not alone in this. She's already suffering from a sense of isolation, given her whole "keyness", and I think that the feelings she's having about the situation with her mother only enhances that. What you've done here is to bring Dawn back into the group again; you've included her in the collective mourning that the Scoobies are already doing for Joyce.
Tara's confession here is heartbreaking, and yet oddly dispassionate. She's obviously been over this guilt so many times in her own head, and yet here she's using that to give some semblance of hope to Dawn, some explanation of the tough realities of life. That's what I admire most about Tara, and it's something I think they touched on in
Forever, but never really explored to a fuller extent. What you've done here is get to the heart of Tara's character, and remind me (and I'm sure, everyone else who reads this) of why I love her so much, and of why she's such an essential part of the group.
Quote:
"I can’t lose her," she finally managed. "I just can’t."
But you will, Tara thought sadly, even as she murmured, "I know, Sweetie…I know…"
Ah...this is really wonderfully heartbreaking. And does it make me a bad person that I welcome this kind of writing? That I actually love the sorrow here? It's inevitable, it's painful, and it's
so bloody good...
***
Part 26Quote:
Tara watched her lover’s face crease with sadness and anxiety, and her heart ached for the sincerity with which Willow so wanted to do the right thing for those she loved.
You know, I think it's really important to remind us all of this particular Willow here. That's the Willow I think they lost in the show, and it's gratifying to see her back in fanfic, where I suppose she belongs now. I love Willow's desire to please; I love her tenacious attempts to do what she feel is right; most of all I love her depth of feeling for the people she's taken into the heart of herself. She
is sincere here; this speaks more about her character than the relationships she has with the others. And it's heartening to know that in your fic, Willow is just...well, Willow.
Quote:
Willow had tried Hank Summers once more, this time leaving the message that the mother of his children was dying and that she hoped his secretary was doing well.
"Very bitter," Tara commented, her tone holding no reproach at all.
"Very satisfying," Willow replied simply.
Ah god, this is a perfect little moment. I can totally see them doing this, and the expressions crossing their faces. It's almost sick really, the amount of pleasure I can get from this little exchange, rooted in deep sorrow and resentment as it is. But again, you've managed to get right to the heart of the characters and show how deep their feelings are for those affected by events, and how much anger is bubbling just under the surface. And you know, I was just talking about how you've shown the
real Willow in this fic, and here, you've done that again. My Willow doesn't do forgiveness very well; and she has quite a temper when roused. She's also not above cheap shots, like the secretary comment, and you've managed to remind me of that little bitter girl that sometimes creeps out of the soft, loving, veneer. I love that. Thanks.
Quote:
And though they had all been prepared to stand vigil for hours and perhaps days, Joyce Summers, beloved daughter of Jack and Sharon McNamara, beloved mother of Buffy and Dawn Summers, seemed to know that she was being called elsewhere, and so she did not breathe and did not linger, but rather left as she had lived—quietly, with dignity and immense grace.
Oh bloody hell. Bloody fucking pissing hell!
Dammit. I love Joyce. I loved her in the show and I love her here, too. I think of all the deaths on the show, Joyce's was the one that confused me the most. I feel like Anya; again I'm asking myself "why". I just don't understand it.
And this struck a personal chord with me too; I found out recently that a very good friend of mine is desperately ill. I remember being on the phone with my girlfriend, hardly able to get the words out because I was crying so much and asking her why this was happening, and why all the good people seem to get taken away from us. I kind of feel like that now...over a fictional character. But the feeling is the same, I guess. And by god, it hurts. The way you've described Joyce here, as having immense grace and dignity; I think that hit home the most. It reminded me of the bit in
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe when Ruth dies, and she's described as an angel, just visiting earth for a while. I don't think it's over-emotional of me to think of Joyce in that way. And dammit, you ended this chapter with an amazing description, summing up just why everyone is so heartbroken, and also making your readers feel that way too.
I hope you know that as a result of this, I'm making a mental note to call my mum tonight and make sure she knows I love her. Sigh.
***
Part 27Quote:
Anya looked at her gratefully, and then turned back in her seat. Willow realized that Tara had just chastised Xander in her own quiet way.
Oh...wonderful. I always felt like Anya got short shrift when she was making her amazing speech in
The Body. Yes, I think that it touched Willow and Xander, but I think I would have liked Tara to hear it too. Here, you've established that bond between them that I think would benefit Anya in so many ways. And yes, Tara's patience and love and general empathy, rooted in her simple explanation and chastisment of Xander is getting right to the heart of her character. Wonderful stuff.
Quote:
"Thank you so much for coming," she announced, in a pleasant, even voice. "Please come in. Let me just find a place for this." Willow saw Tara squeeze Anya’s shoulder briefly as she walked by.
And there you go, making sure that you follow up that trend you started in the car. That's one of the things I like most about your writing; you don't forget things. Instead, you ensure that readers are firmly rooted and comfortable in the knowledge that your execution of the characters and the situations in which they find themselves is assured and confident. Your style is so wonderfully easy to read in that manner. Fabulous stuff; really.
Quote:
"There are so many things I need to ask her, Will, and now I’ll never get the chance. And Mrs. Summers will never get to see Buffy graduate and Dawn will never get to show Mrs. Summers her SAT scores and they’ll never get to sit down together for another meal, ever. I hate it, Willow. I hate how Death just takes whomever it wants, whenever it wants them, whether we’re ready to let them go or not."
I'm quote-happy today. So sue me. But this just sums up the grieving process perfectly for me. The notion that losing someone doesn't just include not having them around anymore, but that there's a long legacy of an empty space that you need to look forward to. It hurts, Mary. In a really bloody good way. And similarly to the manner in which it was touched on in the show, here you've managed to expand on the idea that Death is arbitrary, and has no regard for family or love or anything, really. Which brings me back to the ongoing theme throughout this story; that idea of the human demonic and the demonic demonic. I think here, the demons that are stalking Buffy and her friends are very real, and are borne from something that she
can't fight. And you perfectly describe the frustrations of the Slayer in a human world. She can't fight Death; not when it swoops in and claims a human victim by natural causes. Honestly, it's making me ponder the whole notion of our humanity and how fragile it is, and how that relates to Dawn's acceptance of who, and what, she is.
***
Part 28I love how this chapter begins with the Scoobies being "all about the business" once more. It's a grim reminder, especially when you make the comment about Buffy not taking time off to mourn because of her calling, that in this world, Death is a point from which to move on to other things. It's a sad reality, and it's hurtful, particularly when you describe Giles' reactions to Joyce's death. I love how you have this underlying depth of emotion the two had for one another and yes, I agree, they really were Buffy's parents. Ah dammit...now I miss Joyce all over again...sigh...
Quote:
"Do things ever calm down?" Tara asked, her tone suggesting that the question was largely rhetorical. Willow, though, answered her.
"About once a year; for about seven or eight hours. We usually use that time to catch up on our correspondence, maybe take in a movie."
One of the things I like most about your writing is how you're able to capture that Scooby sensibility. There's a sardonic nature in all of them, that is able to face down the Apocalypse or even a Hellgod. This little exchange reminds me that they fully understand their predicament; that the battle between Good and Evil is ongoing, whether in the human experience or that of supernatural ramifications. I love how you do that; and I especially love how you capture that tone in the dialogue. Not only does this make the characters true to the people they originally were in the show, but it also means that you get it. And you do, Mary. You get it.
Bringing that recurring theme of Tara's background in here was wisely chosen, I think. It seems somewhat fitting that in the aftermath of Joyce's death, Tara's own humanity, and links to that humanity come to the fore again. I loved the idea of Donny, Beth and Nathan "circling" one another. It shows just how wary they are of committing to emotion and communication. Then you contrast that with the scene containing the letter, and show us just how well Willow and Tara communicate with one another. These scenes are in opposition to one another, and yet they display successfully just how dysfunctional the Maclay family are, and how lucky Tara must feel to be away from them. Breaking the cycle, so to speak, I guess. And I'm looking forward now to following Tara's main theme in this fic, and to discovering, with her, the origins of her own existence and connection to her family line.
***
Part 29Ho-kay...almost done rambling now. Like I said, I was looking forward to Tara discovering more about the past she never knew she had. Well, specifically, the legacy of the past that she never knew her
mother had. It was actually a bit of a shock to find out that her Aunt Bev was...well, you know...normal. Heh. I didn't expect that. It was a nice shock, though. If shocks can be nice...
Anyway. I love how you're having Tara act here. I love how she's somewhat dispassionate about Nathan; even after receiving the letter from him that was so unexpected and showed that he does indeed have feelings for her above and apart from the fact that she's her mother's chiled. The sense of that familial responsibility is, I think, going to be important because you're contrasting that with the same thing going on between Buffy and Dawn. As a matter of fact, I've kind of assimilated these situations in my head as being somewhat the same, in terms of having a family member that you care about, but that doesn't actually belong there. And how do you deal with that? How do you put into action some kind of coping mechanism for having all you'd accepted as "normal" turn on its head and make you question everything you'd accepted throughout your life?
Again, the dialogue between Tara and Willow here is wonderful. It gets right to the heart of their characters, and that's important for us as readers because it reminds us that the basis of their relationship is their heart, and their amazing capacity to love one another and cherish that love. That's the basis of any successful relationship, I think; the ability to love, communicate, and trust in that emotion.
And I'm just racking up the phone calls I need to make now to the special people in my life. Sigh. Just to let them know, you know, that I care. Heh. I do love a story that elicits a visceral emotional response in me. This is one of those stories. And I'm sorry for rambling on so much, and I do apologise for not keeping up with the updates regularly. But it's been a real treat to read so many parts at once, if a little draining in terms of the reaction I had to them. But drained is better than nothing, I suppose. Heh.
Thank you so much for writing this, Mary. It's a real gift of a fic, and a total joy to read.
And here endeth the ramble.
"No cheese? Well, I brought you some. It's extra stinky." ~ New Cheese Rising
by Nation » Sat May 31, 2003 8:32 pm 
Spicy-talk Tara 
) Thanks for a great story, I can't wait for more!
Gee, I wonder if Tara caught that. 
at: 6/5/03 7:59 pm