by AntigoneUnbound » Tue Oct 21, 2003 10:58 pm
GODS SERVED AND ABANDONED
~~EPILOGUE~~
Disclaimer:
There once were two lesbos delightful,
Who were witty and kind and insightful.
Having borrowed them gladly
I return them now sadly
To the hack with the comb-over so frightful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You have all been so incredibly gracious and supportive throughout this story. It’s been wonderful to write this, and even more so to share it with you. Thank you for investing your time and energy in reading this story and giving me feedback. I have no idea what any of you look like, but somehow I can “see” you when I read your words. ~~ Mary
*****
Time is a funny thing. It writes so forcefully upon our minds and souls, only to erase itself in a perpetual revision. And so the book is never finished, it seems.
When Willow had stood in front of the creaking tower, wrapped up in Tara’s arms and finally letting herself believe they had all made it, she couldn’t imagine that their life would ever return to anything approximating normal. After everything that had happened, culminating in that apocalyptic show-down, surely everything within the foreseeable future would be viewed through the lens of that upheaval.
And yet, as certainly as night follows day, she and Tara were moving forward and treating each new day, each new experience, as singular in its own right. Classes were meaningful; exams were cause for anxiety; new demons were slain with old methods; old demons were slain with new love.
*****
They drove Beverly and Tanya to the airport, tearful with both sadness at the parting and relief that they were all alive, all still with the ones they loved.
“Do you have to go?” asked Tara, in a small voice, and Willow ached for her girl. Family is so precious to her, and she’s lost so much…
“Yeah, unless we want to lose our calling as shapers of young minds,” Tanya replied. “Our jobs have this funny thing about actually being around to do your job. Still not sure what that’s about.”
Tara managed a tiny smile, but Beverly turned to her, her own eyes shining, and took her hands.
“You’ve had more than your fair share of good-byes, Tara,” she said gently. “This one’s only temporary, I promise you.” Then she pulled Tara into a fierce embrace, rocking slightly as tears rolled down both their faces.
Tanya had extracted a promise that they would come visit them. “We have a couple of good friends, Debra and Rachel; they’re expecting a baby. You’d love them, and maybe they could give you some good information about becoming parents.”
Beverly rolled her eyes. “She’s always trying to swell the ranks.” She grinned, and Willow knew beyond any doubt that she and Tara had the same smile.
On the way home from the airport, they stopped for mochas. “Two shots of espresso, please,” Tara instructed the gangly youth who waited on them. Turning to Willow, she smiled and added, “In honor of my aunt, the caffeine addict.”
Later that week, they were over at Giles for a Scooby meeting. “It’s important we not become lax in the aftermath of Glory’s defeat,” the Watcher reminded them, seemingly unable to simply enjoy their success. “While we can all certainly take pride in a job most remarkably well done, we have to be cognizant of --” He paused as the phone rang.
“Yes? Oh, hello--yes, it has been a long time. What’s that? Oh--yes, I see. Yes, of course I’ll tell her. Right. So long, then.” Hanging up, he turned to Buffy.
“That was Riley, spouting some rubbish about being left behind on one of your outings and then getting lost in some kind of inter-dimensional blank space where he was unable to move until this moment. Honestly, Buffy, I realize you’re smitten with him but he doesn’t always seem quite…stable.”
Buffy only shrugged.
Binky had responded to the news of Glory’s defeat with surprising restraint and good grace. Of course, that was largely due to the fact that he was utterly homeless and knew that any attempt to rejoin his clan would be greeted with disdain if not physical violence. In any event, he set about trying to convince Giles that he would make a wonderful butler.
“Surely, most illustriously British One, you know that my scraping and groveling are beyond compare. When it comes to obsequious sycophancy, you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone with my complete and utter lack of pride.”
“Indeed,” the Watcher muttered, “I’m hard-pressed even now not to be ill in the presence of your skills.”
In the end, though, Giles decided that Binky would be better off elsewhere; certainly he himself would be. Over the minion’s desperate pleas, Giles arranged for Binky to be given lodging in a very specialized establishment; a kind of demon halfway house, if you will.
“There now--buck up. You’ll be just fine,” Giles assured him as he pulled his arm out of Binky’s grasp and backed out of the boarding house.
Dawn rebounded nicely from narrowly escaping both her own suicide and a god’s attempt to cut her open and use her blood as a Greyhound bus back to Hell. Now she was trying to cope with something far more common, and far more profound--the loss of her mother. She and Buffy were relying heavily on each other, and Willow was heartened to see that the Slayer was letting her younger sister give support as well as receive it.
Dawn was still infatuated with Tara. She was trying mightily to act normal around her, but Willow knew that the teenager was struggling with her feelings. She also knew that she was mortified at having blurted out her affection, in the heat of that conversation in Tara’s room, what felt like lifetimes ago.
“Maybe she’ll just forget I said anything,” Dawn said hopefully to Willow one evening while Tara was out picking up a movie.
“Sure…That might happen,” Willow replied dutifully, knowing Tara was more likely to become a crack whore than forget something like that. But that information wouldn’t help Dawn in her quest to stop blushing whenever Tara was around.
A month after their victory over Glory, Tara received another letter from Nathan. Cousin Beth was still living with them, cooking and cleaning. She was staying in Tara’s old room; would Tara mind if Beth moved in a few of her things? Donnie was pretty quiet these days. Time was, Nathan would have worried he was up to something. Now, though, he just seemed to be tired a lot. Of course, there was always so much work to be done on the farm; it could wear out even a strapping boy like Donnie. Oh--and if Tara ever felt like writing, Nathan wouldn’t mind hearing from her.
And Willow and Tara had made a quiet trip back to Cold Springs, where they had visited Tara’s mother’s grave.
She gazed at the marble tombstone, taking in the inscription: Julia Anne Temple Maclay, Born Aug. 12, 1951, Died Sep. 2, 1997. Beloved Wife and Mother. “Be Ye Kind.”
“Is that a Bible verse?” she asked Tara, pointing to the phrase at the bottom.
“Yeah--it’s from the gospel of Luke. Mom knew Dad wanted some kind of Scripture reference on both their tombstones; she made sure this was the one on hers. She said it was one part of the Bible that she had no argument with.”
They stood in silence after that for what felt like a very long time. Willow simply held Tara’s hand, knowing that her beloved knew she could talk when and if she needed to.
Finally, Tara turned to her, sadness rippling through the incredible blue eyes. “I just wish I could talk to her, Willow. There are so many things I need to ask her.”
Willow wanted to jump in and reassure her, but she realized that that would serve her need, not Tara’s. Instead, she said simply, “What would you ask her?”
Tara sighed, shaking her head. “Oh goddess…I’d ask her--I’d ask her why. Why she had the affair with Quinn, and why in God’s name she dragged her son with her when she did. And I’d ask her if she still thought she had demon in her when she died, and if she truly loved Donnie.” Tears slipped down her cheeks, clung to her lashes.
After a moment, Willow said tentatively, “I wish you could, Baby; I wish you could ask her all those questions and everything else you thought of. And I wish you could tell her everything you’d like to tell her.” She hesitated, then went on. “But Tara, no matter what you found out--would it change the mother she was to you? Really? I’m not saying that what she did was OK; it’s just that…Tara, she loved you so much. I can hear it in how you talk about her. Even your dad--Nathan…When we were there, and he was talking about her, he said so. And yeah, I wish Donnie had had that kind of love, but that wasn’t your fault. Your mom wasn’t perfect, Baby; but it seems like she did a whole lot of stuff right, too.” Then she fell silent, fearing that she had perhaps said too much.
Tara, though, simply leaned against her shoulder. “Whatever else she did, she was a wonderful mother to me,” she whispered. “And as much as it hurts, knowing what she did, I can’t bring myself to judge her; I don’t want to.” Gazing at her mother’s headstone, she whispered, “Maybe the goddess made sure I didn’t find out about this until I could handle it…Until you were here, to help me make sense of it.” When she turned to look at Willow, there was a tiny, sad smile hovering about her lips.
“I can go with that interpretation,” Willow said softly, feeling her heart slide and tumble and stretch itself yet again to make more room for this woman who was her mate and her best purpose.
“Let’s make a promise, though, OK?”
“Anything,” Willow replied, and meant it.
“Our children will never, ever wonder if their parents love them; and they will never, ever doubt that their parents love each other, and belong together, completely and eternally.”
Willow tried to speak, but found that the lump in her throat wouldn’t let her. So she settled for nodding, not trying to stop the tears that were edging down her face and tickling the corners of her mouth. She leaned forward, resting her forehead against Tara’s, and they stood like that for several minutes.
And then Tara pulled back, just slightly, and took Willow’s hand, and together they turned away from the grave and walked back toward their future.
*****
THE END
.
It's been a long wonderful journey and I feel bittersweet now that it's drawing to an end. I am so happy that the story was completed and will have an epilogue as well...hopefully finding W/T in the future as/with a family of their own! Of course, there is also the sadness that comes at the conclusion of a pleasurable experience. However, I too will enjoy reading the story in it's entirety now without having to have any time lapses. 
at: 10/17/03 7:47 pm
only one more part 
) part.
I loved that. 
shuyaku 
